Chapter Twelve

To say that I didn't waste a whole night just thinking deeply and crazily about our little moment under the starless night sky in front of our house that one precious night would be an understatement.

My heart had seriously fluttered more than I could count and had beat intensely than I could control as my mind had brought me back to the euphoric feeling of his cold yet soft lips on mine. I had never felt flustered over all the kissing scenes I had watched on Netflix, hell, I had never even batted an eyelash over every fluttering scene I had watched, romance just didn't appease me. Siguro kasi hindi ko pa iyon nararanasan. For me, they were overacting, those types of things were overrated.

Oh how wrong I was, very wrong. Seriously Em, you're so judgemental.

Maybe I could justify my own judgement by the fact that I never had the experience... before... but now that I was already into the shoes of those people, in reality, I was so wrong for mocking how other people felt about it. Overrated? They were not. At least, if emotions and feelings were involved. Ni hindi ko nga mahanap ang pinakatamang salita para i-describe ang nararamdam ko.

Love? It could be that if it couldn't be helped, but if only there were much more suitable word other than the word 'love', then I would go for it. The crazy fluttering of my heart, the loud tingly feast in my stomach, and the light-headedness in my mind though I had been thinking about him every other second, it couldn't be described in words.

Ganito pala kapag in-love. It was just funny how love knows too well how to perfectly strike me when I had been mocking it ever since I was born into this world. Its timing was never perfect, it caught me exactly when I had my guards down.

Love? Overrated, stupid and never I would have bent for it. Now, love? Indescribable, still stupid and for Jeongguk, I could go all the way.

"Kung hindi ko lang alam na may nagpapasaya na sa'yo, I'd think you're being possessed. It's weird to see you being like this..." From smiling stupidly at the recent text message Jeongguk sent me, I raised a glance at Aly who stood in front of the television, her hands on her hips as she stared disgustingly at me. Her perfectly drawn brows were furrowed and her cute nose was in a little wrinkle.

From the other side of the living room, Evah chuckled softly. "It's not really about how you can do anything for love. In Em's case, it's about what love does to her," she said before going back to the papers scattered on the coffee table in front of her. She was cramming for school, her school projects were hot at her tail.

"No, it's about what Jungkook does to her. I don't know if I should be creeped out or flustered for you, you just literally turned into a whole different person." Aly shook her head, slightly stepping back to get back to what she was doing. She was stretching, her mat laid readily on the floor for her daily yoga session.

"Can you two leave me alone? Nothing's changed about me..." Umirap ako saka muling itinoon ang atensyon ko sa screen kung nasaan nag-aabang ang thread of messages namin ni Jeongguk, hindi pa ako nakakapagreply sa huling message niya kaya hindi na ako nagulat nang sunod-sunod ang dating ng mga bagong messages niya.

Noona?

You still there?

See you reading my messages

Are you busy?

You having trouble typing?

Are you getting bored?

It's been two minutes noona

Those were all written in Hangul.

He was an impatient little idiot. He would always bombard me with text messages every time I was only a second late from replying to his last message. I had also situated myself with that kind of attitude he had because to hell with it, I loved it. I always loved it every time he would always show me how he always wanted my time and attention. Isa pa, it was cute.

Our late night routine didn't change, it might have upgraded to something more but it never changed. Palagi pa rin siyang naghihintay sa akin sa labas ng teatro kahit na madalas ay may schedule sila, kung minsan ay may dalang regalo para sakin. Mostly, single flower in an elegant bouquet wrapper, sometimes chocolates. Those presents became special for me because it came from him, I had to buy a big vase for those different flowers. We would still visit some unpopular and small restaurants to eat dinner together, sometimes we would just buy foods at a convenient store and we would eat them at home. I was most thankful whenever Aly and Evah would be out of home late because then we would have the house all for ourselves.

Alam ng mga kaibigan ko ang tungkol sa amin dahil madalas kami sa bahay. It was the only place that was safe for us, safe for him.

Sometimes, at the corner of the couch, we would cuddle together while watching some TV show, the small amount of time we had would be spent with our mouths on each other nonstop as all the foods on the table would all be forgotten, cold and tasteless. Hindi ko alam sa kaniya pero hindi ko gustong matapos ang araw nang hindi natatanggap ang mga halik niya.

Just as he became an orbit in my life, something my life couldn't afford to lose, his sweet— sweeter than those chocolates he always gave me— and innocent kisses had become a necessity for me, only for me to stay up long late at night, reminiscing how he tasted though it was already tattooed in my system.

Kapag naman nasa bahay sina Evah at Aly kasama namin, sabay-sabay kaming kumakain ng dinner habang walang tigil si Aly sa kaka-fangirl sa kaniya. Evah would only laugh heartily at all of us. Hindi rin lingid sa kaalaman namin ni Evah ang tungkol sa kung anumang namamagitan kay Aly at Taehyung. Aly had once invited the idol into our house, one night when Jeongguk left early because he still had some songs he had to practice. Hindi ko alam kung aware ang dalawang idols na nagpupunta rito ang isa't isa pero hindi ko na iyon tinanong kay Jeongguk. My friend was obviously too whipped for Kim Taehyung, and the last thing I wanted to happen was to jinx everything she had already built with the idol.

Nagsisimula na ang training ko sa HIT pero dahil wala pa naman akong fixed schedule ay malaya pa rin akong nakakapagtrabaho sa teatro. I couldn't even imagine leaving it because aside from that was where I had grown as an artist, a big part of my relationship with Jeongguk had somehow started and progressed there. I was also advised that the moment my schedule was fixed, I would have to stop working at the theatre. It would be sad but that was what I signed up for.

"You don't have to feel sad about it, you're not leaving them, you're just taking a step forward. You're a talented actress, noona, and you have to start somewhere." Jeongguk had lovingly wrapped his hands around me when I had opened up to him about my internal struggles, his baby and natural musk scent blanketing all of my stigmas and turning them into butterflies. "In your case, the theatre is just your starting point, you can't stay there forever. You're given your stepping stone and you should grab it, which you did, and I think that doesn't mean you're leaving the theatre." A kiss on the crown of my head from him was what all it took for me to ease up and drop all of my inhibitions, stigmas and internal turmoil.

I couldn't believe I had been missing so much before when I still hadn't had Jeongguk. I had missed so much... like he always knew what to say, he always knew the words I wanted to hear without sounding filtered and flowered, he knew because he was looking right into my heart. Hindi ko kailanman naisip na kakailanganin ko ng isang Jeon Jeongguk sa buhay ko. To be honest, I wouldn't get tired of feeling grateful to him for persisting his existence into my
life.

"You think people will like me?" I softly asked, throwing my head back on his shoulder to see his handsome face. I wasn't really bothered about the fact that bigger audience means new validation, it was normal, I had to get into the people's set of standard so they would like me. I just didn't want to act as someone people would build me into, I wanted to be myself, with or without the audience's approval.

"Firstly, who wouldn't like you? I couldn't even make a list of why people shouldn't like you. Second and most importantly, you don't have to be the stereotype actress, don't limit yourself to what only people would want you to be. If they wouldn't like you, which is impossible but only if, you always have me. I'll be your number one fan, I'll cheer you the loudest you won't even hear their criticism."

"Why do you always speak so beautifully? Are you planning to run as a politician?" natatawang tanong ko sa kaniya, nagsasaya ang puso ko dahil sa mga sinabi niya. What he said was so precious, he seriously lifted me up there. Siya iyong tipo ng taong masarap sumbungan kasi sobrang ganda ng mga sinasabi niya.

He scoffed. "Politicians only speak beautifully but they don't always mean what they say, I mean every single word I say, noona." He pouted as if that would put a strong conviction on his tone, the mole under his lips catching my attention. How could a simple mole look so pretty?

"Then you'll really be my number one fan?" Umangat ang mga mata ko sa mga labi niya. We had been kissing, like every change we got, so I wasn't surprised when I saw his thin lips swollen and bloodier than its usual pinkness.

"Yes, so get your autograph ready because I'll need it every day..." We ended up kissing again, with him taking the lead as usual, his huge frame cradling my curled body on that spot of the couch as I let myself melt in his arms, my fingers curling on the front of his shirt and my heart pounding loudly it hurt.

Oh, Jungkook of BTS, my number one fan.

I loved how our time was running so fast the way our relationship was progressing. Minsan nga naiisip ko kung normal ba ang ganito. I always thought that we were moving too fast, that with how fast it was, it could end any time. Ang talagang nagpapalubag lang ng loob ko, naglalayo sa akin sa pag-iisip noon ay ang walang palyang communication sa pagitan namin. It was indeed a very important variable in relationships. I could always miss him to death every time they would be out of the country for their world tour, but he would always make it up for me with his daily— like every hour—messages.

Despite his sore throats due to him overusing his beautiful vocals, he would always find a reason to call me just to hear my voice, he just didn't know that hearing his voice at times when I was missing him the most was always a lift-up for me. I would always scold him to let his voice rest but the kid was stubborn, that had been known. Despite him barely having slept through the day, he would always make time for me every night, being the loud mouth he was as he told me how his day had been.

"So we practiced till we dropped, and I don't know if this makes sense but it's so satisfying. I guess my body has already gotten used to the abuse. Hobi hyung just barely threw Rapmon hyung and Jin hyung his scary glare because the routine went miraculously flawless. And then we just had a dinner at the practice room. I'm so tired but this time of the day is my highlight of the day, I miss you, noona."

May mga gabi na talaga namang wala kaming magawa kung hindi ang mag-usap lang sa tawag dahil hindi siya maka-alis ng Bighit building para sunduin ako. I would be lying if I said it wasn't upsetting me but every time I would hear his tired voice on the other line, there was nothing I wanted to do but to let him rest.

["We just got into the hotel, noona. The fans were so enthusiastic at the airport I couldn't even keep up with them but it's fine, seeing them happy to see us again makes up for it. I'm so excited to show them what we prepared for this tour, you think they'll like it?"] At sa tuwing tatanungin niya ako ng mga ganitong tanong, hindi ko mapigilang magtaas ng kilay.

I still hadn't been deeply into the life of their fandom, I had only heard few of their songs because time wasn't in my side but I was trying to keep up. Aly was also helping me. And though I was new to their fandom, I had already seen what their hype was all about.

Their fans, their ARMYs loved them so much that whatever they gave them, their fans would love it. I wasn't still over the amusement I felt upon knowing what kind of relationship they had with their fans. It wasn't something I had ever seen, it wasn't something ordinary between fans-idols bond, it was more than that, far more than that. BTS loved their fans so much, and it was reciprocated in a very beautiful way. It was endearing to be honest.

"Of course, Guk. They love you all so much they'll love anything you have for them. You could never disappoint them even if you try..."

They were currently in Japan right now for the additional leg of their world tour. Napag-usapan na namin ito bago sila umalis. He was all pouty when he told me because he said he would miss me and that Japan meant longer duration, unlike when they had gone to Philippines. I was upset too, and I might have showed it to him that fueled his rebel side. Nabalitaan ko kay Aly na nagpapasaway siya sa mga managers nila at sa mga ka-grupo niya. Of course, he admitted to me that he loved going to tours to see their fans, he just hadn't had himself prepared for it, and neither I was so we had to talk seriously. Luckily we had managed to be both mature about it.

Hindi ko naman inasahan na magiging madali iyon pero hindi ko alam na ganito kahirap! I was hardly trying to make myself be contented with our late night talks through call, I actually should be thankful that he sent me selcas more often than he posted on their official SNS accounts. Pero iba pa rin talaga kapag nandito siya sa tabi ko, nahahalikan ko at nayayakap ko. I miss my Jeonggukie...

Kaya halos panghinaan ako ng tuhod nang marinig ko ang sinabi ni Yonhee-ssi pagdating ko sa HIT building, pinatawag ako para sa isang biglaang meeting. I still hadn't had my official schedule but from time to time, I was being called to the building for meetings. Nalaman ko ring hinahanda na ng board ang magiging team ko. Despite how slow everything was going, I still couldn't keep up with the way my career was progressing. Naipakilala na rin ako sa ilang mga rookie actresses and actors ng HIT na mas nauna lang sa akin ng ilang buwan.

Blinking in surprise, mouth dropping open as my knees trying so hard not to give up, I failed to process what I just heard. "W-What? Come a-again? M-Modeling? In Japan?" I asked in stutter.

"Yes, I already took in the job of accepting the offer. This has actually been in the list of offers being asked to the agency but Oh PD-nim thought it might be a good idea to let you take the offer. This'll be included in your training..."

Alam kong wala akong choice, hindi rin naman ako tatanggi dahil pabor na pabor sa akin iyon. It might seem childish but I had seriously jumped around together with Jeongguk one late night call upon I told him about my Japan based schedule. Siyempre kinongratulate niya ako at sinabing hindi na siya makapaghintay na makita ako. It had been two weeks since they had been in Japan, doing tours every single day without rest.

Evah and Aly just both rolled their eyes at me but with genuine smiles on their lips when I told them about the news. They knew how happy I was for it. Hindi ako excited para sa trabahong gagawin ko sa Japan, excited ako kasi magkikita na kami ni Jeongguk.

The modelling offer was from a local cosmetic brand in Japan. So far, from the many modelling orders I had been asked to before, this would be the first time I would be doing it. I understood that Jeongguk couldn't see me in the airport for my arrival because aside from I was with Yonhee-ssi, he also couldn't be seen in the public plus they were busy with their left and right rehearsals and interviews. Pero sinigurado kong i-inform siya about my arrival at kung saang hotel kami magchi-check-in. I was also given the whole freedom by Yonhee-ssi for the whole day since the schedule wasn't still due until tomorrow afternoon.

"Just let me know if you plans to go out, I'll just be in our room." Pagkatapos ng breakfast namin sa isa sa mga Japanese restaurant na nasa lobby ng hotel ay nagpaalam sa akin si Yonhee-ssi na tinanguan ko lang. We would be sharing a room together and I thought that was fine.

Imbis na sumunod sa kaniya pabalik ng kuwarto, kahit na suot ko pa rin iyong suot ko kanina sa biyahe na simpleng pares lang turquoise dress at black flats, tinahak ko ang daan palabas ng hotel. Another hotel, high-end and most famous than this one, was in my mind.

Nang mag-offer sa akin si Jeongguk na magpapadala siya rito ng sasakyan at driver para sunduin ako ay tumanggi ako, baka maabala ko pa iyong mga tao nila e kaya ko namang magpunta roon ng mag-isa pero hindi na ako tumanggi nang sinabi niyang may maghihintay sa akin sa lobby para safe akong makarating sa kaniya.

Indeed a lady in her mid-thirties, clad in a usual pair of yellow hoodie and black jeans, instantly found me the moment I stepped into the elegant rolling glass entrance of the hotel, a polite and formal smile adorning her lips. I understood the risk of all this but I couldn't find in me to still mind everything but the fact that in just a couple of minutes from now, I would see Jeongguk again. The lady escorted me to a path where people didn't normally go to, the elevator that lifted us to the right floor screamed the words VVIP on top of the back wall.

Of course, we needed safety measures. Hindi ko na rin inisip pa kung aware ba ang babaeng ito kung anong mayroon sa amin ni Jeongguk dahil mas abala ako sa pagtitig sa nakaka-inip na pagtaas ng bilang sa floor number screen sa taas ng pinto.

"This way, Miss." The lady walked out the elevator first before stretching both her hands to present me the left hallway before she bowed to me and started walking again so I could follow. And when she stopped in front of the door that had the numbers 719 on it, I had to heave a deep sigh, letting her knock on the door. "Jungkook-ssi, we're here."

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mas una kong mararamdaman, mahihiya ba ako dahil hindi pa man tuluyang nagbubukas ang pinto ay nakaramdam na ako ng mga daliri sa wrist ko na humila sa akin papasok at hindi pa man nagsasara ang pinto ay nakaramdam na ako ng mga malalambot na labing humahalik sa akin... o hahayaan kong magsaya ang puso ko (kahit na paniguradong pinapanood na kami ng babae ngayon) dahil sobrang na-miss ko ang mga halik at yakap niya. I was in the process of contemplating what to feel first when I heard a faint clearing of throat before I heard the sound of the door being softly shut closed.

The lady just left.

Softly closing my eyes, I chuckled against his eager lips as I felt his fingers painfully pinching on the skin at my hips, obliviously pulling me against his body as if he loathed the presence of space in between us. The assault of his strong musk and baby scent just made me sigh, making me go pliant in his arms but I quickly kept up, kissing him back as softly as I would have thought. Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal kaming nasa ganoon sitwasyon dahil nang pinakawalan niya ang mga labi ko, habol-hiningang sumandal ako sa dibdib niya, nananatiling nakapikit.

He was also breathing deeply, desperate for air, his hot breath fanning my forehead. "I missed you, I missed you, noona," he said in a low voice.

"I missed you too, Guk..." I answered, my lips softly pressing on the soft fabric of the gray jumper he was wearing that smelled like the sweet ivory of a baby powder. Tinapik ko ang likod niya para senyasan siyang pakawalan na ako. And when he did, I smiled widely seeing again his handsome face in person. Our facetime moment just couldn't give justice to how he handsomely looked in person. Agad din naman akong sumimangot nang maalala ko ang ginawa niya. "The lady..."

"Lady...?" Tilting his head in confusion with his brows slowly furrowing, he stared down at me with those deep chocolate eyes.

God, how did I manage to make this man fall for me?

"You scarred her. You couldn't even wait for her to leave and give us privacy!" Mahina kong hinampas ang dibdib niya habang pabirong pinapagalitan siya. Though I was a bit worried about the lady because she had seen us in a very promising situation. Malay ko ba kung isa iyon sa mga staffs nila o staffs ng hotel.

His face instantly relaxed before he let out a soft giggle, his arms that were already wrapped around my waist withdrawing so he could hold both of my hands as he took steps backward to lead us to the inner part of his hotel room. Saka pa lang din ako nagkaroon ng pagkakataong obserbahan ang buong silid. The room's interior was painted in white, from the walls to fixture and furniture. Ang tanging naiibang kulay lang ay ang chocolate brown na marbled tiles na tinatapakan namin. When we reached the bed that was covered in white sheet, he sat on the edge before pulling me in between his spread legs. He was wearing a pair of gray baggy jumper and black sweatpants. His messy mop of raven hair was in different directions, giving me the idea that he might have just woken up.

I wasn't even surprised to see that his hotel room was much more bigger and expensive looking than the room I would be sharing with Yonhee-ssi, the hotel we checked in wasn't even one of the best here in Tokyo unlike the hotel where BTS was. Mixture of different scents wafting through the air, delicious foods and some air freshener but his scent was more prominent.

"She's one of our Noona staffs, and I might have told one of our managers about you so she knows who you are..." Tiningala niya ako kaya bahagyang nahawi ang ilang hibla ng bangs niya, hindi ko tuloy napigilang dalhin ang isang kamay ko sa noo niya para marahang hawiin ang mga hiblang iyon, ipinapakita ang noo niya. His eyes slowly fluttered as he uttered a deep sigh, feeling the smooth touch of the pads of my fingers on his scalp when my fingers went up to brush his hair, they were soft. "Did you eat already? I called for a room service after you called. You know, I just woke up."

As if on instinct, my head turned toward a certain direction, just right by the glass wall that overviewed the skyline stood a coffee table where several foods were properly placed. There were two bento boxes each with a pair of long wooden chopsticks by their side, two empty wineglasses and one plate of a sliced cake— by the smell I could pick up from it, I guessed it was a tiramisu cake. That was why the room smelled of foods. Kahit na kumain na ako ay napalunok pa rin ako, sana ay hindi na muna pala ako kumain kanina.

"Yes, I ate before I went here. Did you really just wake up?" Bumalik ang tingin ko sa kaniya na nakapikit pa rin kahit na tumigil na ang kamay ko at nanatili na lang sa ulo niya.

"Hm, the concert last night was a blast, we kinda stayed up late because the next one is not up until the day after tomorrow..." He sleepily forced his eyes to open, they were still droopy and I kind of felt bad for him because it felt like I made him wake up when he should still be sleeping. Humigpit ang mga braso niyang nasa baywang ko saka niya isinubsob sa tiyan ko ang mukha niya. In a muffled voice, he said, "I'm just so glad that your arrival here landed on the same day the group's here in Tokyo. We're given this day to rest because we'll be driving to Shizuoka later tonight, after that, the last concert will be in Osaka."

I actually knew about that already since we always talked through calls or sometimes facetime, he must be really sleepy to forget that he had already told me that. It wasn't like this was all just a lucky coincidence. My schedule would be up a week from now and we could have just left Korea later than today but I had to ask Yonhee-ssi for this specific day because I knew BTS would be in Tokyo.

"You still want to sleep? If you don't have any plans today, I can let you sleep more—"

"No, stay here. I'm not sleepy..." He grumbled in protest that made me chuckle, his sleepy voice betraying him. Iniisip yata niyang aalis ako para makatulog siya. Unti-unti kong inalis ang mga braso niya sa baywang ko na mabilis niyang tinutulan, mas niyayakap ako ng mahigpit at mas inisubsob sa tiyan ko ang mukha. "No, I said I'm not sleepy... stay please..."

"Jeongguk, I'm not going anywhere." I threw my head back as I laughed, my heart was endeared by his cute little whinning. Nang nag-angat siya ng tingin sa wakas ay dinala ko ang mga palad ko sa mga pisngi niya. "I'll stay here with you. It's still early, we can just eat the foods for lunch but you need to have your precious sleep first. I'm going to hold you, is that okay?"

Finally, through his sleepy eyes that instantly turned like a pair of upside-down crescents when his lips were graced by his pretty bunny smile, the familiar galaxy was back on his circles... reflecting my image. Kung mayroon mang kakompitensiya ang kagandahang ng buwan, it would be his eyes. Imbis na sumagot ay mabilis siyang bumitaw sa akin saka excited na tumuntong sa kama kasama ako dahil hawak na niya ang mga kamay ko. I didn't even have the time to take my shoes off because he was already sinking into my chest, sighing deeply as he let himself relax in my arms. Why did he have to be such a baby, I didn't know.

He slipped his arm into my waist as he made himself as small as possible just to fit into my arms because let's be real here, he was such a big frame compared to my small frame. "Hm, feels good. I was having troubles sleeping last night and I don't remember myself having a blink of sleep, I'm so happy you're here. I wish I could bring you with me to Shizuoka..."

"Stop talking, Guk and go to sleep." I softly tapped his back, drawing him back to sleep. And it didn't take long before I felt him breathing evenly in my arms, his body going lax and weightless against mine, his hot breath was hot on the skin of my neck.

This felt so good indeed. I didn't know that a time would come that I would want to protect and treasure someone like I had never done to anyone before, that I would care for someone like I had never felt to anyone before.

Just... just everything felt so good, too good to be true and somewhere inside of me, just a small part, a fear for something unknown resided.

Would this last? Could we last?

I had known that everything was moving to fast, too good that its realness was being questioned.

Pagkatapos ng tour nila sa Japan ay agad silang sumabak sa isang fan meeting samantalang unti-unti nang nagpo-progress ang training ko sa HIT. I was given a personal acting and singing coach while I studied the right etiquettes of being the perfect actress people would want to see from me. At first I had protested against it but Yonhee-ssi had said I would have to fit myself into any image I could be for the audience and I could just slowly show them my real self later on.

Hanselle and Jimin were also back together while I worriedly watched the slow progress in between Aly and Taehyung. Hindi ko tuloy mapigilang isipin kung may tsansa bang magkagusto rin si Evah sa ibang miyembro ng BTS. It would be iconic, us four dating BTS members.

Sa tingin ko bagay sila ni Jin, nang tinanong ko si Jeongguk kung may girlfriend si Jin ay sinabing niyang wala naman daw itong nababanggit o naipapakilala pero tinawanan lang ako nang banggitin ko ang tungkol sa naiisip ko. "Why are you laughing? You don't think Jin would like my friend?" Hindi niya iyon sinagot.

I guessed it was absurd for him. Or maybe, he just didn't want to get involved in his friend's lovelife.

The tour had gained them a whole month worth of rest that we had been so happy about. Or so I thought. The first days were full of flowers with kisses, more late night walks with deep conversation and sleepless nights with sweet cuddles and loud laughter, again more kisses. Masasabi kong noong mga araw na iyon ko siya pinaka-nakilala. I was getting there, we were getting there and I didn't know if I would be thankful or mad because before we both could delve deeper into the relationship we both had built, everything just had to go wrong.

No, just one thing had to go wrong, something I was never given the chance to know.

Three weeks from their given rest, everything suddenly changed. At first, he didn't show up outside of the HIT building (this time) for me so he could walk me home. Pinalagpas ko iyon dahil baka busy siya kahit na nakakapanibago iyon dahil kahit busy sila, gumagawa pa rin siya ng paraan para makita ako. The second time, his text messages had slowed down, not to mention our late night calls were being missed. Hindi siya busy dahil bakasyon nila. And I knew, something was definitely wrong when I had received a call from an unknown number and turned out, it was one of their managers. He introduced himself as manager Sejin in the call and I wondered if it was the manager who knew about our relationship.

Lunch time nang lumabas ako ng HIT building para i-meet ang manager niya. He politely asked me if he could see me so I agreed, and I didn't know, somehow I wished I never had come. Ni hindi na siya naglaligoy-ligoy pa, nang matapos kong magpakilala ay agad siyang nagsalita. Kung naisip ko man noon, o kung pumasok man lang sa isip ko noon na magagawa akong saktan ni Jeongguk, hindi ko kailanman inakalang sa ganitong paraan.

No, actually, to be very honest, I never thought he could hurt me, that he would hurt me. And yet, surprise, he did.

"I'm here in behalf of Jeon Jungkook-ssi, I guess you can say that you've already had enough fun with him. You know idol lives are complicated, sometimes they need a little bit of fun to spice their life and maybe for him, you just came in handy. I'm sent here to tell you that he's cutting everything you two have in between, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. And for sure, you're not that serious with him. Kids these days are very playful. It's a good thing he's not that attached to your relationship so he didn't see the need to see you personally. Just cut contacts with him, move on and never speak of this to anyone, could you do that, Em-ssi?" The guy was soft-spoken that though his words were slicing through my heart, I couldn't help but take into every word he was speaking. "Or should I make you sign an NDA?" He added in English.

I was hurting, of course, but with the way he worded everything, with the way he just presented to me what that kid had been feeling about this stupid relationship, I couldn't bring myself to cry. I felt so insulted and offended, that here I was harbouring genuine feelings only to realize I was being played. Did I need explanation from him? The fact that he was acting weird the past few days, I knew everything the guy in front of me had said was true.

Idols and their shitty games and excuses!

"Where is he?" I calmly asked, trying so hard to appear as unaffected as I could be, not wanting to humiliate myself by showing this man that his idol was such a jerk because he was too good at showing like he was serious.

Nakakatawa ring isipin na ginawa niya lahat ng iyon, iyong halos gabi-gabing pagsundo sa akin para lang bigyan ng kaunting spice ang idol life niya? With all the risks of dating? What was he trying to prove? At saan naman nila nakuha iyong ideyang hindi ako seryoso? I felt so freaking offended, they didn't know what I felt, they had no idea what I was feeling, and this? This was so immature. Anong tingin nila sa nararamdam ko?

I would need more than just shitty excuses... I would have needed more than that but my heart felt so butchered that I didn't even know what to do.

I just sat there, emotionless but deeply hurting inside.

"Right now, he's in Busan with his family. There's still a week left in their vacation period so he wants to spend that with his family..." The guy stared right into my eyes, and when I somehow shortly let myself show genuine emotion that I quickly masked with nonchalance, I saw his eyes reflect sympathy and sorry. "Are we having a mutual understanding after this, Em-ssi?" And his voice was also now laced with those emotions.

Oh no, I don't need his sympathy.

"No need for NDA, I wouldn't tell a soul. Tell him I hope he got the spice he wants, and I will appreciate if he doesn't show up in front of my face a-again..." I trailed off as a choke broke my voice. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin nang maramdaman ko ang panunubig ng mga mata ko saka nagpatuloy. "Good luck with his career." Bago pa man ako makatayo para iwan na siya ay mabilis nang nag-unahan ang mga luha ko. At this point, I was already too hurt to even mind that he saw as I made it a mission to leave the restaurant as fast as possible.

Hindi ako bumalik sa HIT building, I knew it was so unprofessional of me but my emotions were just too on edge that I was already full-on sobbing, nagpara ako ng taxi pauwi. I even silently thanked the taxi driver when he ignored my pathetic bawling as I painfully poured my emotions through the streams of tears from my eyes and the loud cries I had never thought I would be shedding for Jeon freaking Jeongguk. I even called Evah as I told her how I needed her home as quick as possible in between my pathetic cries.

That night, it wasn't only me who Evah needed to cuddle in comfort, Aly too.

"I'm never going to let them near the two of you ever again. God forgive me, but I'll kill them if they try."

I knew she wasn't speaking literally but the prospect of never seeing Jeon Jeongguk again was just too painful to digest, and I knew to myself that this heartbreak wouldn't be easy, this would be long and painful. Because it was Jeon Jeongguk, and I still loved him nevertheless.

God, it hurts but I love him...