Chapter Eleven

What was even in my mind when I brought Jeongguk home? Well, his safety and comfort. I didn't even know why I was feeling this way... for that kid.

Falling embarrassed and messy under Evah's knowing stares and playful smiles, I was almost sure there were at least hundreds of unwanted thoughts running in her mind, I tried to ignored her as I busied myself with the cookies I planned to feed the kid in the living room. Hindi ko planong patuloy na ilihim sa kaniya ang tungkol sa involvement ko sa bunso ng BTS, pero ikatutuwa ko kung hindi niya ako bibigyan ng ganyang titig dahil balak ko namang magpaliwanag. I skirted around the island counter, feeling her burning stares digging a hole into the back of my head that made me sigh loudly.

Of course, she was curious. And of course, she wouldn't leave me alone.

"I'm looking for the right words to tell you, okay? You don't have to give me those stares," I defiantly said, turning around to face her.

Evah was smart, it wasn't actually a secret, I had always known that but aside from that, she was keen and observant, it wouldn't take her two cents to come up to a right conclusion without getting something from me. But I knew her enough that I certainly knew, she wouldn't force me to tell anything if I didn't feel like to.

When her pair of slightly small chunky eyes met mine, her lips slowly pulled up for a soft understanding smile. "I don't know, Em. You just don't strike me as someone who still has time for boys, you know? But I also won't deny that this past few days, you glow brighter than I've ever seen you, and I think, it's enough for me to let you off the hook..." she said in her natural husky voice, soft and careful but amused.

Ni hindi niya ako hinayaang makapag-react sa sinabi niya, she was already advancing towards me and before I knew it, she was already stealing my hands from the plate of cookies— that I managed to safely put down on the countertop.

When I left Philippines before, uncertain but determined enough to find what was missing in me, I had never thought that somewhere in my journey, I would meet Evah, that at some point during those times, I would find a very genuine friend in a form of someone like her. Bonus nang pareho kaming Filipino. Of course, Aly too, I had actually met first Aly but it was Evah who had completed the package. I loved them both but I could at least honestly say that Evah was closer to me. I always confided to her, always seeking advices from her because she was like an older sister to me. Someone I never had the luxury to have...

And really, hearing those words from her with my feelings still under some vague spot, with my feelings still so hard to comprehend, it felt like for whatever this feeling I had for Jeongguk was, it would never be wrong, it could never go wrong. Because I had people in my life who supported me for whatever I planned to do. At kung maisipan ko mang mas palalimin pa ang kung anong mayroon kami ni Jeongguk, alam kong nasa likod ko lang sila para suportahan ako. And yes, it was enough, more than enough.

I felt her softly caress my hands, lightly pressing as if making me feel that my feelings mattered, that my feelings were valid. Pumikit ako, mariin para itago ang panunubig ng mga mata ko pero hindi ko napigilan ang paglitaw ng isang ngiti sa mga labi ko. Jeongguk was new to me, he was overwhelming for me, the good kind of overwhelming feeling, and it just felt so good to have someone who made my feelings mattered.

"He's so cute, Evah, and he makes me feel things I have never felt from anyone before. He's persistent but I like it, he makes me get used to having him around me that I can't remember what it was like without Jeon Jeongguk in my life anymore." And for the first time, I managed to put into words all the things I felt for Jeongguk, things I couldn't even admit to myself.

"Hm? You like him?" she asked carefully, not judging, lips still presenting that understanding smile.

"I'd like to think so, but I think the word like would be an understatement..." I answered in a low voice, not sure how she would view that. Was it normal? To feel something deeper than 'like' for someone I hadn't even known for long enough time?

"There's nothing wrong with accepting what you truly feel for someone, Em. Tell me more about him..."

Mas lumapad ang ngiti ko, umaapaw sa isipan ko ang lahat ng mga nararamdam ko para sa lalaking nasa living room lang ng bahay.

"He's so bold, which is very contrasting with him also being shy. There's something so pure about his innocent approach to me, like he's yet to discover whatever it is he's feeling and he wants to discover them with me? I feel it every time he chooses to spend his precious golden time with me. He's a kid, but not really? Damn toxic masculinity, he's both so soft and so manly for me which is so adorable because he doesn't try to appear masculine to appeal to me, he's just the way he is and I couldn't just like him enough for that..." I shortly stopped when a vision of Jeongguk in a pout popped in my mind that made me chuckle softly, my heart swelling familiarly at that adorable picture. "Technically? He's a baby, a big baby, he makes me want to protect him and give him the world. It's actually so odd and very strange for me because I'm already feeling this way when I've been just hanging out with him for weeks. Mere weeks. He's... he's wonderful, Evah, in every sense of the word." Hindi na ako nasurpresa nang maramdaman ko ang malambot na haplos ni Evah sa pisngi ko.

I didn't even realize I was crying. My heart was just feeling too much. It was baffling, surprising even, to feel so much emotions at once just for one person. Hell, it was Jeon Jeongguk, he was a man to fall for. It also felt relieving, to finally let myself go and let my heart be the lead. Ang sarap pala sa feeling na pakawalan iyong mga salitang noon ko pa kinikimkim.

"Wow, you're a vocal in love. Don't cry, Em. Sometimes, love can be really overwhelming but what you feel is normal. Thank you for telling me this, I won't tell you how also sometimes love can be really mean because it's yours to find out. Just feel it, don't restrict yourself because no one can tell until when everything of it will last. Just do what your heart tells you to, for now..." She left the words hanging like that as if she expected me to know what that was. Marahan niyang tinapik ang pisngi ko saka ako muling binigyan ng isang ngiti. Her pretty face was blurry in my watering vision. "Come on, your idol's waiting, go and entertain him and I'll be just in the room. Katok ka lang kung may kailangan kayo..."

I felt my cheeks heat up because of how she called Jeongguk but I didn't dare correct her about it because I liked the sound of it, just don't let Jeongguk hear it. "Uhm, thank you..."

Hinayaan ko siya nang lumabas siya ng kusina para magtungo sa kuwarto nila ni Aly at para bigyan kami ni Jeongguk ng privacy. Inayos ko ang sarili ko bago ko damputin ang plato ng cookies at lumabas na ng kusina.

That night, different from our usual nights, we just sat close to each other at the corner of the couch as he helped me go through with my script. It was the very first time he saw me act since he didn't really visit the theatre. Indeed, the script was a monologue but having someone to practice with was a must. Nang mabasa ko ang script ay alam ko na agad na mahihirapan akong i-practice ang eksena nang walang basehan at mag-isa. Kaya nang i-offer niya ang presensiya niya ay halos singhalan ko siya. He thinks it's a good idea? When just having him here with me was already too much for me?

I never had a hard time memorising my lines, hell I could even switch easily into different characters in one play but having his pair of doe eyes reflecting obvious amusement and adoration, I felt like I was being watched by the whole galaxy itself. I suddenly felt like I needed to perfect this.

"Stop staring at me like it's your first time seeing someone act!" I hit his shoulder to show him that he was again making me feel things— weird things. Siyempre hindi ito ang first time niya. He was in the field for years already, for sure, he had seen better actresses act. Malay ko rin ba kung gumagamit sila ng actresses sa mga music video nila pero imposibleng hindi.

He cutely blinked at me, breaking himself from something like a trance. "Noona, you act so well. I'm hundred percent sure you'll impress your audience..." He honestly told me, without the usual playfulness he always showed me.

Tumawa ako dahil gusto ko iyon, gustong-gusto ko kapag sa kaniya nanggagaling iyong compliment. If it were anyone, I would have rolled my eyes and made fun of it. Nang hindi siya tumawa ay mas lalo ko lang napagtantong seryoso siya kaya tumikhim ako at umayos ng upo.

Kanina, while he was showering, I had failed to find a decent pair of clothes for him so we just resulted to making him wear a robe. One of my sky-blue robes. Hindi pa tuyo ang mga damit niya kaya ganoon muna. Niyanig lang naman niya kanina ang buong pagkatao ko nang lumabas siya ng kuwarto ko ng naka-robe lang.

My whole system was seriously cheering because with how he sat close to me, the strong and sweet citrusy scent of orange blossoms was much stronger from him. I could smell him anywhere, ngayong ko lang ito aaminin, I had always loved his natural baby scent with an ironic hint of his strong musk but having my orange blossoms scent on him, it felt like I was all over him. Magiging weird din kung sasabihin ko ito, pero pakiramdam ko minarkahan ko siya.

My heart swelled in both pride and possessiveness.

The mere fact that Jeon Jeongguk was here with me, sitting comfortably on the couch in my house? Who would have thought? Just few weeks ago, I wouldn't have batted an eyelash at their broadcast on TV. I wouldn't have much spared a single second to watch each of their music videos because their music just wasn't my type.

"Tomorrow, the group is flying to Manila. I won't be able to see you for days..." My heart literally sank, not because of what he said but because of how easily his face had morphed into a frown, his pink lips pulling down and his eyes casting galaxies in a shade of sadness. "It's for Jimin hyung."

A bit hesitant with my eager heart, I bravely followed what my system was screaming at me, slowly lifting my shaking hand to gently cup his face, instantly meeting his chocolate eyes when the contact was made. Sa kung anumang namamagitan sa amin, palaging siya ang nag-eeffort, his persistency brought us here and I couldn't just thank him enough for that. Ayaw ko na rin pang kuwestiyunin siya at humingi ng diretsang sagot mula sa kaniya tungkol sa nararamdam niya. He would come around, he had all the time and I would give him that. I just wanted him to know that I was with him through it, that I would always be with him.

It was time to get loose. Because losing him was a terrifying thought now.

"We can text, okay? You don't have to feel sad over doing something for you friend, I will be just where you will leave, I will wait, hm? You'll come back to me, right?" I softly asked him, tangled with my voice was the assurance for him that a few days apart from each other wouldn't make a difference. He had already persisted enough, already made his way into my guarded heart and opening the door for his escape was not possible.

Nakapasok na siya sa buhay ko, nagkaroon na siya ng espesyal na lugar sa puso ko, akala ba niya ganoon kadali lang siyang makakalabas? He would have to take his persistency into a whole another level for him to do that.

I just found his fit into my life. It might not be the perfect location, I was willing to keep him.

"Of course, of course, noona. Just wait for me, I will come back for you, to you. Can I please hear something from you?" He closed his eyes as he cutely nuzzled his delicate cheeks against the softness of my palm, his hand then following, covering my hand that held his cheek. Nang imulat niya ang mga mata niya, muli kong nasilayan ang kalawakang nakatago roon. It moved my heart, his eyes held such beautiful galaxies, those pair of chocolate eyes had the power to render me powerless. "Tell me you will miss me..." he said in a pout, he didn't sound demanding but my heart was all ready to bend down to his words.

I sighed mentally. This kid would be the death of me. Placing my hand under his jaw, letting my fingers tenderly press on his cheeks, I quickly leaned on him to softly nuzzle my nose against his, earning a choked gasp from him. Hindi ko pinansin ang nakakakiliting hatid ng bangs niya sa noo ko. Nang lumayo ako ay halos matawa ako dahil sa panlalaki ng mga mata niya, hindi gumagalaw ang mukha at nakaparte ang mga labi sa gulat. "I will miss you, Guk."

Counting the days that we were apart wasn't easy, there was the constant pull in my heart that was painful and hollow every time he would cross my mind. The days were slow while the ache was extreme. Indeed, texting and calling helped but he made me get used to always having him around that I seriously forgot how to live life without him, far from him. Hindi naman noon naapektuhan ang performance ko sa trabaho dahil kahit papaano, kaya ko namang isantabi at ilugar ang nararamdam ko pero kapag mag-isa na lang ako, like during nights before I went to bed, palagi ko siyang naiisip.

Thoughts of him had seriously occupied my mind, thinking of him made it to be my every night thoughts.

I missed him. That was it. It just baffled me because it didn't feel good. I also understood that he was just being a good friend, a brother to his friend that was why though I had already deleted a lot of desperate messages telling him how much I missed him, though I had already bing-watched hundreds of their group's videos— I still did because no one had told me that they conveyed such serious issues of society that ordinary K-Pop groups were too afraid to confront—, I still refused to call him and beg him to go home. Kakayanin ko. I was strong, I could afford to bind my emotions and be the bigger person that I was.

Jeon Jeongguk had priorities, and I would have to accept that some of it might not go the way I pleased.

Going back, when I was still clueless of my own feelings, I could have cursed the hell of out him for making me feel this way.

Hindi ko rin alam kung ikafu-frustrate ko ba na halos hawak na niya ang buong pagkatao ko, na sa kaniya na halos umiikot ang mundo ko, na madaling naaapektuhan ang nararamdam ko ng simpleng pag-iisip lang sa kaniya. That was why when I was already walking out of the HIT building after the meeting with Oh Jang Guk-ssi, and oh, a very intimidating contract signing with the HIT's executives, the excitement I should be feeling because finally I was now a HIT talent was missing. The hollow in my heart, the biggest part that was missing Jeongguk was so much stronger, I just missed him so much.

Hindi ko magawang magsaya kasi na-mi-miss ko siya.

I missed our night routines, where he would always wait for me outside the theatre building and we would eat at some random place while he annoyed the hell out of me while also making me feel some type of way.

Sa sobrang pagka-miss ko sa kaniya, halos maluha ako nang makatanggap ako ng grape milk mula sa isang fan na nakakita sa akin sa labas ng HIT building. I knew it was unfair for the fan who had given me the treat but banana milk and the likes just really reminded of Jeon Jeongguk.

Hindi ko magawang magsaya kasi lumilipad iyong isipan at puso ko sa lalaking kasalukuyang nasa labas ng bansa. How dare he take my heart with him?

I sighed in misery, feeling so helpless of these uncontrollable emotions within me. Noong mga nakaraang buwan lang, ang pagkakabisa lang ng mga scripts ang nagpapa-frustrate sa akin. I didn't know that having Jeongguk in my life, as someone who literally held a very big and special place in my heart, surprisingly at such a very short span of time, would bring me emotions I wouldn't have ever thought possible.

Possible pala. Iyong makaramdam ka ng sobra para sa isang tao. It was scary.

I took a bus ride home. Sana lang kung si Hanselle nga ang ipinunta nila sa Manila, sana lang ay naayos na kung anuman iyon. Hanselle was my friend, though she was so aloof that it made her appeared as secretive and mysterious, it wasn't hard to see that she was in love. Huwag na sana nilang pahirapan ang mga sarili nila. I also didn't want to judge their decisions when it came to their relationship, it was their relationship but I hoped they would just get back together.

Habang naglalakad ako sa street patungo sa bahay ay naisip ko kung paanong binago ng batang iyon ang sistema ko, kung paanong bumuo siya ng pundasyon sa buhay ko. And those foundation was living up to my daily life.

I was again reminded of our late night walks. Now that I was walking alone under the night sky, deprived of stars, streets were cold and silent, deserted, I couldn't help but think how beautiful and pleasant the nights had seemed every time I was with him. The night was cold and cruel that only if I wasn't wearing a long furry coat above my purple floral dress, I could have been freezing to death.

I couldn't see it before every time we were together because he was a beauty himself, his perfection was actually enough to beat any other beautiful things existing. He would sometimes sneakily hold my hand, his fingers curling on mine perfectly as he would bless me with his pretty bunny smile. He would sometimes tell me trivial things because he was a loud mouth as his eyes would then be filled with glints like the galaxies, wonders and calmness reflecting.

And maybe, just maybe, I was already thinking of him too much that my mind was vividly seeing his tall figure standing outside our house, my creative mind was focused enough to see him clad in his usual boyish fit, a pair of black shirt under a black leather jacket and washed out ripped jeans. A bucket hat was hiding his hair but black fringes were covering his doe eyes. He was just a figment of my imagination, a vision created by my hopeless mind but it was enough to send my heart to a frenzy. Halos masapo ko ang dibdib ko dahil napaka-intense noon. He was not wearing a mask to cover his face, much to both my pleasure and disappointment.

If he was real, it was too dangerous for him to be out with his face uncovered, though I would admit, my eyes were feasting seeing his handsome face. God, I miss him.

My eyes slowly dropped to his hand, confusion hitting me when I saw him holding an elegant bouquet of flowers. Too real to be just an imagination. Too vivid to be just a vision. I continued walking toward him. Kung anuman iyong ginawa niya sa akin para makaramdam ako ng ganitong klaseng emosyon, gusto kong kuwestiyunin siya at nang malaman niyang masyadong mahina lang ang puso ko para sa epektong ibinibigay niya. Just how dare he? He could have warned me...

Halting right in front of him, mouth slowly parting at the sight of his realness in the nearest proximity, I let my eyes wander around his face. Baliw na nga siguro ako. How could I seriously fall for someone at such a short amount of time? And with all these uncontrollable emotions that I was having a hard time getting used to? Baliw na nga siguro ako, kasi sa lahat ng lalaking puwede akong mahulog, sa kaniya pa.

Yes, he was not hard to love, it wasn't hard to fall for him, not because he was a famous idol, but because he worked hard for it. And I thought that was something I had to thank him for... if it wasn't for his persistency, then I wouldn't find myself being in love with the most amazing and most beautiful man I had ever known.

"You're bad at surprises, Guk..." I said in a low voice, almost in a whisper but the way my lips curved upward gave me away. He shortly blinked at me, his pair of chocolates appearing and disappearing into those doe eyes before his cupid bow lips also slowly broke out for a small smile, his bunny teeth cutely peeking. "So that's why you haven't texted me all day..." Maybe, not all day, at some point, during my audition, I had received a simple 'good luck' message from him.

He pouted. "Are you upset? I swear, noona, I just did it because I wanted to surprise you!" he answered, the pitch of his voice going higher as he tried to sound convincing which wasn't really necessary. Hindi naman ako galit o ano. I softly held his arm as I shook my head that made him relax, his chocolate eyes now staring down at me with the same glint as usual. "I bought you flowers."

At saka ko pa lang muling naalala ang hawak niyang mga bulaklak. I lightly gasped as I took into the beautiful arrangements of violet tulips wrapped in a dark and light gray parchment papers, the lower part was prettily tied with a black ribbon. It wasn't a crowd of tulips, they were just few— five? Six?— still with their leaves. I wasn't someone who really admired flowers but I could appreciate some, most especially if it came from him.

Namamanghang tinanggap ko ang bouquet saka maingat na dinala sa ilong ko. It smelled good, slightly wet and cold against my nostrils.

"Thank you..." I genuinely told him, feeling my heart beat at its fullness, it was loud that I wouldn't be surprised if he heard it. Ito ang pinaka-unang pagkakataong binigyan niya ako ng bulaklak. Palagi naman akong nakaka-receive mula sa mga fans ko pero iba iyong pakiramdam ngayong siya ang nagbigay sa akin. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya. "Why purple tulips?"

"Ah, noona! You really want me to say it..." He dropped his head, hiding his face from me before stepping back to create a distance between us. Nag-angat ako ng isang kilay sa kaniya. Hindi ko malalaman kung hindi niya sasabihin. He couldn't expect me to know the language of flowers because I didn't know stuff about flowers. When he noticed that I was serious, he slowly raised his head to once again meet my eyes, I almost cooed when from under his bucket hat, the lobes of his ears that were peeking were turning a shade of pink. "For the colour, I just thought that it's pretty but as for the tulips, I heard it means declaration of..." He choked even before he could finish.

Mabilis siyang umatras sa akin saka tumalikod, ang mga kamay ay umangat sa mga tainga niya para itago ang mga iyon kahit na natatabunan naman ng bucket hat niya ang mga iyon. Chuckling at his cute panic, I carefully hugged the bouquet of tulips to my chest while fixing the metal chain of my sling bag on my shoulder. I had to sigh deeply at the assault of fresh flowery scent to my nose, calming my insides as they went through a feast.

What a good way to ease the hollow feeling in my heart? I was just missing him earlier!

"Why? Why? I want to know!" I said, lightly tugging the back of his leather jacket with my one hand to make him turn around and face me again.

"Ah noona! You can just search it up! It's embarrassing..." he answered, voice low and uncertain. Halos itago niya sa akin ang buong mukha niya sa paraan ng pagyuko niya, ang isang kamay ay dumapo sa batok niya para humaplos doon.

I couldn't help but smile widely because this felt so natural, I wouldn't say domestic because we were just getting there.

In the end, with a little bit of courage, he slowly took his hands off his head before he once again raised me a shy fond stare, the way his chocolate eyes locked with mine and the way his bunny teeth made my heart jump that breathing almost hurt, I realized just one more thing.

It was possible... for someone to be another's universe.

"I heard tulips mean declaration of love. I've always tried to show you how I feel but I think, you still need a confirmation... a declaration..." he genuinely said, professing what he had been feeling for me ever since, the sincerity through his voice was a manifestation of his bravery, he didn't believe that I didn't feel the same way. Sometimes it was just him, his mind was always complicated but he always stood by what he believed. Something I admired about him.

He was smart, aside from his own trust in his mind and all of what he believed, he was keen enough to understand my actions. Kilala niya ako, it was actually scary, nakilala niya ako kaagad kahit na hindi pa naman kami magkakilala ng matagal. He might not show it but I knew he always paid attention to everything I did, he always took much thought about my feelings and I thought that was so thoughtful of him.

For him, I was valid, my feelings mattered. And in this life, there was nothing I sought for but validation. And he gave me that.

"Guk, can I just be honest with you for once?" I carefully asked him, watching how his eyes go shrinking and his lips part. Hindi ko hinayaang magkaroon na naman siya ng pagkakataong mag-iwas ng tingin, ikinulong ko ang mga mata niya sa mga titig ko dahil gusto kong makita niya mula sa mga mata ko ang nararamdam ko. He deserved it, it was what he should have after all of what he did. He drove us into this, and I just couldn't thank him enough for that. If it weren't him, then I wouldn't have ever felt this. This... this scary yet beautiful chaos in my heart. "You know, if universe were a person, it would be you Jeongguk. What I was looking for was just a world that would accept me, but you came and became my universe."

Humakbang ako para putulin ang natitirang distansiya sa pagitan namin, agad na sinakop ng pamilyar niyang bango ang pang-amoy ko. His scent wrapped around me warmly, and I loved it. And as if connecting with my body, his arms instantly found their way around my waist, locking his hands together behind me as he openly showed me what was hiding beneath the glints in his eyes.

Funny, because from the beautiful mirrors of his chocolate eyes, reflecting my own face. It was even more beautiful that they were filled with love and joy. I felt so powerless under his gaze. Kahit na nakapagitan sa mga katawan namin ang mga bulaklak na yakap ko, hindi iyon naging dahilan para putulin niya ang distansiya ng mga mukha namin.

I never approved kissing scenes in my plays because I wanted my first kiss to be special... and with someone very close to my heart.

Cold lips hovering over mine, not touching but slightly caressing, he stopped as his arms tightened around me. "Then if love were a person, it would be you, noona. You make me feel so much things, beautiful things I've never ever felt for anyone before, they're so beautiful it's crazy..." And as if knowing what was coming, the last thing I saw before I closed my eyes was him, also slowly closing his eyes.

Unlike what it was in the books, the moment I felt his soft lips land on mine, cold but tender, there were no colourful fireworks and singing sirens, it wasn't like that. Maybe because it wasn't our own version. Those things were exploration made by authors. Instead, our version was more beautiful and original. There were no fireworks because I was too drowned to even notice fireworks, too drunk into the kiss, by the simple yet firm touch of his lips on my soft ones, there were no singing sirens because the only thing my ears could pick up on were the loud thumps in my heart, even my mind was silent.

I mentally choked, my heart picking up pace, quicker if possible, when I felt him slowly move his lips, a bit of hot air from his mouth fanning my lips the moment he opened up. Humigpit ang yakap ko sa mga bulaklak na nasa dibdib ko dahil hindi ko napaghandaan ito. No one had told me that this would feel like too much, that it felt like my knees would give up and that it felt like my spine would break— crazily in a good way.

Hind ko kinakaya iyong pakiramdam kaya dahan-dahan kong inilayo mula sa kaniya ang mukha ko. By instinct, my tongue poked out to wet my lips, my cheeks instantly heating up with the thought of tasting him on my tongue.

"G-Guk..." I choked out that made me mentally curse myself. "It... it was... it f-felt wonderful but we can't do it h-here." I never stuttered in front of him, what the hell?!

"I'm sorry, noona—"

"No! I mean, no, don't apologize. I liked it..." Oh my god, why are my cheeks burning?! Humugot ako ng malalim na buntong-hininga para ikalma ang sarili ko. He didn't look so affected by the kiss so I also shouldn't feel much more than I should only feel about it. "You want to go in first?" I asked him.

Nasa labas pa rin kami. May iilang mga tao ang nasa kalsada pero dahil naka-disguise naman siya ay hindi siya nakikilala. Something I was so thankful for. This wouldn't be the first time he would be into our house, and to think that just months ago, I wouldn't have ever laid a single glance at him— at his boy group at all, and now my heart was so full of butterflies thinking that in just a short amount of time, he had now the most special part of my heart.

The special part where no one had ever gotten into before.

"Actually, I still have to go back for a broadcast tonight. I just really came to see you..." he answered hesitantly. I let my lips pull up for a sweet understanding smile, seeing the genuine thoughtfulness through his pair of chocolate eyes. Talaga bang nagpunta lang siya rito para makita ako gayong may broadcast pala sila ngayong gabi? Not to mention galing siya sa biyahe?

I knew I shouldn't be surprised by it because for all the times I had known him, he had already made sure that he could always go out of his way, sometimes setting some of their unimportant schedules away just to go his way to see me. I didn't really take it seriously before because I was in denial, I just saw him as a kid, a young idol who didn't have anything exciting to do in his idol life so he was pestering me. But I wasn't also stupid. It wouldn't take two cents to get why he was doing it all for.

I bravely held one of his hand. "Then I wouldn't hold you much longer, you should go and slay that performance. Also you just came back from an airplane ride, make sure to get enough rest after your broadcast before you even attempt of doing something for me." I chuckled softly when he pouted cutely for being called out. "I... I appreciate this. The tulips are so sweet, and you, coming here to see, I appreciate them."

And really, from all the nerves I had wasted for the audition and the signing contract at HIT building, and for all the emotions I had let out for missing him, it would only take one adorable bunny smile from him to make up for all of it. I didn't see it sooner, but I was positive, I must have been loving him for much longer than than I was aware.

In the end, with a sweet and tender kiss on the forehead from him, I let him go, watching him walk towards a certain black van I didn't even notice parked just meters away from our house. And before he finally slipped inside, he still managed to send me one more bunny smile and a tiny wave that made me almost fall to the ground, all guarding walls being in shambles.

God, and we just had our first kiss. Jeon Jeongguk just had my first kiss.