Chapter Six

I sat comfortably on the couch with my long bare legs stretched straight and my back comfortably leaned against the armrest as I lapped my chrome book. Agad akong dumiretso sa Gmail para i-check ang private account ko kung saan iisang tao lang naman ang madalas kong kapalitan ng mensahe.

It had been months since I had last received an email from him. Naiintindihan ko naman iyon, dahil bukod sa busy siya ay may ibang bagay pa siyang pinagkakaabalan. But then, I couldn't hope for more right? I couldn't ask for more. I should actually be thankful that after everything, after all that I had done, and after all the decisions I had made that had pained them, he still cared for me.

He actually never went otherwise.

Sa sobrang daming nangyari sa akin nitong mga nakaraang araw, nawala na rin sa isip ko ang i-check itong account ko. Ang tanging pag-asang mayroon na lang ako ngayon ay ang posibilidad na may muli siyang mensahe sa akin dahil nag-reply ako noong huling beses na ilang buwan na rin ang nakakalipas.

My heart cheered when I saw two unread messages in my mailbox, na madalas ay isa lang. Una kong binuksan ang mensahe mula sa pamilyar na account.

From: [email protected]
Subject: Beautiful

Good day, sunshine! I saw an article about your branch extension. I'm so proud of you. I can't wait for the time when you'll appear in front of me and shove to my face how of a successful career young woman you are. You're a Ricaforte, your great decisiveness can attest to that. I was still very sad that I let you go and be with yourself alone, but then, I am very happy because you've reached greater heights than what I expected, than what you could have ever reached with you in my grasp.

Always remember, Emerald my daughter, you're always welcome in the family, whenever you feel like coming back. You're my first-born. Everything that you had that came from me, everything that you were, it will remain.

Anyway, your brother has been asking me about you since he found out I was having communication with you. I'm just informing you so you wouldn't be surprised if you find an unfamiliar account in your mailbox. Please, entertain him. He misses you as much as I miss you, Emerald. We miss you so much. I hope to see you again, sunshine.

Terrence Esperanzo Ricaforte
CEO
Monstercat Inc. Co.
Philippines

Suminghot ako matapos kong mabasa ang mahaba at nakaka-touch na mensaheng iyon mula sa taong kahit kailan, hindi ako pinagdudahan.

Above anyone else, it was him who had first trusted me, even before I trusted myself. It was him who had given me the freedom I was longing back then. At nagpapasalamat ako kasi kahit na may mga nagawa akong mali noon, mga bagay na nakapagpasakit sa kanila ay handa pa rin siyang tanggapin ako.

Just, what did I do in my past life to deserve him?

Yes. Even before I became Emi, the great Emi, the phenomenal Emi, I was once Mutya Emerald Ricaforte, I was once Emerald, the daughter of Terrence Ricaforte. Even before I became a famous actress, I was once a runaway daughter. Hindi ko naman kailanman ipinagkaila iyon, masyado lang akong bulag ng sarili kong insecurities kasi hindi ko nagawang makita ang mga bagay na nagawa para sa akin ni Papa. I was too insecure upon knowing the truth behind my existence, my birth.

Hindi ko rin sinisisi ang sarili ko noon kasi mahirap naman talaga. I had grown up with an existence that wasn't mine, and knowing that all that I had had wasn't really mine was devastating. Nabuhay ang insekuridad ko at nahirapan akong umintindi. I let my insecurities control my emotions. I loved my family, so much and knowing they weren't mine was heartbreaking. It was so hard to continue living because everything in me was itching, until my mind had built up ideas that brought me to stupidly walk out of the house I had grown up into, and leave everything behind to find myself.

Or maybe not, I had just really wanted to get away those times because I was confused and hurt. And he had never gotten mad at me for that. Instead, he was the first person who had supported me, even told me that he would always wait for me to find my way back to him. My Papa...

Pinunasan ko ang mga pisngi ko dahil sa mga luhang nanggaling sa mga mata ko. Sa tuwing nakakatanggap ako ng mensahe kay Papa, parati akong naiiyak dahil sa nilalaman nito, maging sa mga ala-alang bumubuo sa pagkatao ko. He would always make me feel how proud he was to me. Kagaya na lang noong unang beses niya akong kontakin, it was the premiere night of my first movie. He was so proud.

He had never lost sight of me, he had never lost touch of me. Hindi ko man alam, noon pa lang ay nakamasid at nakabantay na siya sa akin. And I just couldn't get mad at him for that. At the very least, he had never approached me to ask me to go back, he had let me because he trusted me. Kahit nang magkaroon ng panibagong branch ang Eve's sa Pilipinas ay nakaabot rin sa kaniya. Again, he had made me feel how great I was for the achievement. He had made me feel how right my decisions had been back then.

And my brother, my little brother, Ion. He was just fifteen when I had left Philippines. Masama ang loob kong umalis noon kaya hindi ako nagkaroon ng pagkakataong makapagpaalam sa kaniya dahil nagkaroon kami ng maliit na away. Kamusta na kaya ang batang iyon? He was probably twenty-three by now.

Isa pa ang batang iyon. If there was one thing I had ever regretted in my life, that was not being with my brother as he was growing up. I was not there with him when he had hit with puberty, I was not there with him when he had probably a lot of problems at school; with grades and girls. I was not there with him when he had graduated both highschool and college.

Sana lang, kung magkikita man kaming muli, ako pa rin iyong Ate niya, iyong nag-iisang Ate niya na tinatabihan siya sa pagtulog tuwing nagigising siya mula sa isang masamang panaginip. Iyong nag-iisang Ate niya na kayang magbigay-daan sa kaniya kapag iisa na lang iyong chocolate sa refrigerator. Iyong nag-iisang Ate niya na ipinagtatanggol siya kapag pinapagalitan siya ni Papa. God, I miss my brother...

Sighing deeply as I was injected by a lot of memories, I stared back at the screen of my laptop, my father's email was already waiting for a reply. I was about to type a reply when I spotted Aly walk out from the kitchen holding a tray. Nang makalapit siya ay saka ko pa lang napansin ang pagkaing dala niya. Two plates of chocolate cake and two cups of what seemed like a tea.

"Did you cry?" takang tanong niya habang inilalapag sa coffee table sa gitna ang tray.

"Uhh, sort of. I just got a touching message from someone," sagot ko sabay punas sa pisngi ko para burahin ang ilang bakas ng luha. Sinenyasan niya akong ibaba ang paa ko kaya sumimangot ako. "Just use the single couch, Aly..."

"You have been laying down all day, Em. Are you planning to sleep again? Doon ka sa kuwarto mo!" She nagged at me as she placed both her hand on her waist.

I mentally rolled my eyes at her. She was becoming like Evah as time passed by. She was being a nagger. Dati naman ay pareho kaming madalas sermunan ni Evah, pero simula nang mangyari ang mga nangyari five years ago, nagbago na siya. She was no longer the bubbly and immature Aly that I used to know.

Really, people change. Masakit lang talagang isipin na isang masakit na pangyayari ang ugat ng pagbabago ni Aly.

"How sweet of you, para sa akin iyong isang pair, 'no?" Nginisian ko siya nang maalala ko ang mga pagkain sa tray. Umayos ako ng upo para maka-upo siya since tama siya. My body felt numb already because of laying down all day, it also wasn't like I could just pull my body up because hell be damned, I always really felt so sleepy nowadays.

"Tss. Whom else? Did you pack your clothes already? Maaga ang flight natin bukas..."

"Not yet. I can do it naman later." Ibinaling ko nang muli ang atensyon ko sa chrome book ko at ipinagpatuloy ang pagta-type para mag-reply kay Papa.

To: [email protected]
Subject: I miss you

Hi Papa! This will be the second time I'll be replying to your message. Sorry po kung hindi ko nasagot ang ilang messages niyo, medyo busy lang po pareho sa showbiz at sa business. And Pa, it isn't just me who manages Eve's alone. You're making it sound like I solely owned Eve's. But yeah, I'm glad that you're happy with my achievements. I left back then thinking all the things I could do for myself but now that I'm here, I think, I did this all because you have made me like this.

My brother, Ion? How's he? I hope he's not giving you headaches anymore. What course did he take anyways? Oh please, Pa, tell him I miss him too. I actually miss you all.

See you very very soon.

"Are you having a chat with your crush? Don't you think you're too old for that?" Narinig ko ang nag-uuyam na tinig ni Aly. Nagtatakang nilingon ko siya. She arched a brow at me. "You're smiling like an idiot. Para kang highschool girl na first time chinat ni crush..." dagdag niya habang inuumpisahan nang kainin ang chocolate cake niya.

Ngumuso ako. It was more than that, what I was feeling was more than just what a highschool girl was feeling when having a chat with her crush. I was a daughter missing her father and a sister missing her brother. Internally, I was never a deep person, I was just a simple and shallow girl. I hated to complicate things because I always liked the easy ways.

It always tired me having to think things deeper than they should be thought about. Sa school noon, hindi ako iyong tipo ng estudyanteng isinasali sa mga brain battles. When it came to memorization, it also wasn't easy for me, back then when I was still starting at the theatre, I always had to work harder just so I could catch up with my co-artists. I was really just a big motivated person.

"My father emailed me again..." nakangiti kong sagot sa kaniya habang chini-check ang pangalawang message na nasa mailbox ko. Kung hindi lang nabanggit sa akin ni Papa na hiningi ni Ion ang account kong ito ay baka nga magulat ako sa pangalan niyang nasa mailbox ko.

From: [email protected]
Subject: This is a secret message

Hi, I'm messaging Emerald Ricaforte, I supposed? I got your email account from Papa. You see, I'm too old and too manly for this kind of craps but Ate Emerald, I'm your younger brother, Ion. Remember? Your very handsome little brother. I hope you still remember me. I just wanna tell you that I miss you. I'm still wondering why you left though... is it because of the fight we had? I hope it wasn't.

I promise you, I'll be a good and behaved little brother, just come back. Papa misses you so much. I miss you too so much. And please, don't ever tell Papa about this message, damn, this is so cheesy. I told him I wasn't planning to email you.

I love you, Ate Emerald.

Nigo Zircon Ricaforte
Photographer and Editor In Chief
Montsercat Magazine

Mas nauna ang mensahe ni Ion kaysa sa mensahe ni Papa. And I couldn't believe I just received a message from my fifteen-year old little brother... na hindi na pala fifteen. Sa kaniya na mismo nanggaling. He was old enough for those craps but he still did for me. At bakit naman niya naisip na makakalimutan ko siya? Kahit na madalas kaming mag-away noon— because hell, he was one stubborn boy, and he just didn't have any idea how I was willing to give him anything he wanted— hindi iyon sapat para kalimutan ko siya. He was my brother. Mahal ko siya at kahit na siguro bigyan pa ako ng maraming little sister na madalas kong pangarapin noon, hinding-hindi ko siya ipagpapalit.

I just hoped me leaving from home didn't make him think that it was because of him, that it was his fault because I really wouldn't forgive myself if it did.

"And now you're crying, I can't believe you..."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Aly nang may mamasa-masang mga mata. Hindi naman sana ako iyakin e, pero walong taon din akong nawalay sa pamilya ko, sa walong taong iyon, sinikap kong hanapin kung sino talaga ako pero nabigo ako. So I had stopped. Instead, binuro ko na lang ang sarili ko sa paghahanap kung saan ako nababagay, and it brought me to the theater...

At least, I had found in my heart the peace. Gaya ng sabi ko noon, hindi ko kailanman pinangarap ang maging artista, it kind of just happened. Kasi iyon iyong tanging tumanggap sa akin habang idini-deny ko pa sa sarili ko ang buo kong pagkatao.

"Ang korni kasi ni Ion e..." natatawang sabi ko habang pinupunasan ang mga luha ko.

"Ion? Your little brother?" she asked in a raised brow.

Tumango ako. "Ion, my little brother," I answered, smiling sweetly while nodding.

Aly smiled genuinely at me as she moved closer to me. Hinawakan niya ang kaliwang balikat ko at bahagyang hinaplos. Aly and Evah were both aware of my past, just like how I was aware of theirs. Eight years ago, I had met Aly in a coffee shop. Siguro, instinct na ng bawat Filipino na makisalamuha sa kapwa Filipino sa labas ng bansa.

We were both living alone and when we had both found out about it, we had decided to live together. Ilang linggo lang ay si Evah naman ang nakilala namin sa isang chicken restaurant. She happened to be the delivery girl who had delivered our order and the rest was history. We were all opened to each other that it was so easy for us to unfold our past and lend it to each other.

Except for Hanselle. Bukas naman kaming lahat kay Hanselle, it was just that she had gone through enough at ayaw na naming dagdagan pa ang mga concern niya sa buhay. Sapat nang alam niya na may mga family issues kaming naiwan sa Pinas.

"They're your family, stop looking for what's lost. Sila ang nasa tabi mo noon dahil sila ang binigay sa 'yo..." Aly told me as she gently pulled me for a hug.

"You're right. I'm done looking anyways," sagot ko. Hindi ko na ni-reply-an si Ion dahil babalik naman na akong Pilipinas. Sosorpresahin ko na lang sila.

Masaya naming pinagsaluhan ni Aly ang meryendang dala niya. Kahit na nangingilo ako sa tamis ng chocolate cake ay pinilit ko pa ring kumain dahil masyado akong masaya. Though nakakapagtakang hindi ko nagugustuhan ang lasa ng tea gayong madalas naman akong uminom nito noon. Kahit noong breakfast ay sa lababo lang ang ending ng green tea na tinimpla ko dahil masuka-suka ako sa mapaklang lasa. I liked teas, but ironically, it didn't suit my taste buds nowadays.

Si Evah ay mamayang hapon pa ang dating dahil sinundo niya si Chan sa Busan mula sa grandparents nito. Sana naman maayos niyang makuha ang bata. Mabait naman ang mga Parks at wala naman sa tingin kong magiging problema kung kukunin namin agad si Chan. Ang ipinagtataka ko lang, paano nilang napayagang magkita si Chan at Park Jimin.

"Saan ka pupunta?"

Inayos ko ang pagkakasuot ko ng itim na cap ko at sinilip si Aly sa likod ng orange shaded kong wayfarer. Iniwan ko siyang naka-upo sa couch at naroon pa rin siya. Naligo na ako, nagbihis at lahat-lahat pero mukhang ni hindi man lang siya gumalaw sa kinaroroonan niya.

"I'm going out. Nabo-bore na ako rito sa bahay..." sagot ko. Nahuli ko siyang umirap dahil mukhang sinadya niyang ipakita iyon sa akin.

"Tss. Ano ba naman kasing pumasok sa isipan mo at hindi ka nag-renew ng kontrata? Are you planning to be an unemployed citizen?" She mocked at me.

Ako naman ang umirap. "I'm working at Eve's. I don't think I'm an unemployed citizen."

"Ewan ko sa 'yo. Huwag ka na lang magpapagabi. Darating na sila Evah at Chan mayamaya lang." Inalis na niya ang tingin niya sa akin at inabala na ang sarili sa kung anumang pinagkaka-abalahan niya kanina habang napapakagat-labi na lang ako.

I'm sorry, Aly. Pero hangga't hindi pa nagdedesisyon si Evah na malaman mo ang tungkol sa kanila ni Namjoon, tutulungan ko muna siyang itago iyon. It's for you.

Para sa kaniya dahil alam naman naming lahat na hindi lang ako ang hindi pa nakakalimot sa mga nangyari noon, at katulad ko, Aly was still affected, way much more affected than I ever was.

"Take care of the house." Humalakhak ako habang naglalakad patungo sa pinto. Nakasalubong ko pa si Weng ahjumma. Yumuko ako rito at isang tipid na ngiti lang ang isinukli niya sa akin.

Bukas na ang flight namin at naka-usap na namin si Weng ahjumma. Sinabi naming kung gusto niya ay isasama namin siya sa Pinas pero matigas na iling lang ang ibinigay niya sa amin. So we offered her the house. Sinabi naming pwede niyang dalhin ang pamilya niya rito sa bahay para may magbabantay rito. Luckily, she agreed.

Palabas na ako ng village nang mag-ring ang phone ko. Hindi na ako nagulat nang makita ko ang pangalan ni Evah sa screen. Inaasahan ko na ang tawag niya kaya sinagot ko agad.

"Did you arrive already?" I asked her.

["Nasa last station na. Nasa Seoul station na si Joon. I hope you don't mind, we'll arrive there in less than an hour,"] sagot ni Evah sa kabilang linya.

Nakayuko ako nang makalabas ako ng village at tinatahak naman ang direksyon patungong bus station. Siguro ay magta-taxi na lang ako. I was only wearing a simple black mask, a pair of simple black longsleeves shirt and black ripped jeans, my wavy hair was hanging loosely behind my back because I was too lazy to gather them in a ponytail.

"It's fine, Evah. Did he bring a car? Magko-commute lang kasi ako," sabi ko. Sa kada taong nakakasalubong ko ay nagpapasalamat akong hindi nila ako nakikilala.

["Mag-ingat ka, Em. Baka may makakilala sa 'yo. Should I call Joon so that he can pick you up?"]

"No need, Evah. I'll just take a cab. Magkita na lang tayo sa Seoul Station. How's the baby girl?"

["She's sleeping. Tired from the long ride. Sige na, mag-iingat ka. See you,"] she said as she ended the call.

Just like I said, I took a cab and asked the driver to drive me to the Seoul station. Agad ko namang nasulyapan si Kim Namjoon sa lobby ng train station ngunit hindi siya nag-iisa. The man standing beside him was once again drawing me back to this question.

What the hell was Jeon freaking Jeongguk doing again in front of me, and was materializing right in front of my eyes, looking so gorgeous, stunning and breathtaking in his big white hoodie and black skinny jeans that he perfectly matched with his famous Timberlands? May suot siyang puting cap at itim na mask.

It was funny how I easily recognized him with how he sported his disguise when all people were just passing by them not really suspecting that they were idols.

Ipinilig ko ang ulo ko para alisin sa isipan ko ang lalaking iyon. He was not worth of every cell in my brain. Hindi nga ba at pinipilit ko na ang kalimutan ang anumang mga namagitan sa pagitan namin? Hindi lang ang pagkakamali namin pareho noong gabing iyon kung hindi maging ang nakaraan namin.

My eyes went to Kim Namjoon who was now talking to someone through his phone. Katulad ni Jeon Jeongguk ay in-disguise din siya. He was wearing a brown hoodie dress that reached his knee and a washed out jeans. Naka-sneakers siya, also wearing a black cap and black mask only that he was sporting a genius getup with his specs.

Nagpatuloy ako sa paglapit sa kanila. I trailed down the series of steps and only halted when Jeon Jeongguk suddenly turned his head towards my direction. A gasp escaped my throat when my eyes met those deep chocolate eyes he possessed. From both sides of my eyes, it felt like people stopped on their tracks and the only motion in my sight was the slow blinking of his beautiful chocolate eyes between his mask and cap.

His beautiful eyes that never failed to nail me on my ground, always.

Nakaka-inis. Nakaka-inis kasi hindi ko naman talaga dapat nararamdaman ang ganito. This felt so damn nostalgic and familiar! Pakiramdam ko bumabalik ako sa nakaraan. At hindi ko gusto iyon! That was the last thing I would want to happen now. Na kung may mas madaling paraan lang para takasan ang lahat ng ito, ang lalaking iyon at ang lahat ng kung anumang nagdadala sa akin sa kaniya ay handa kong ipagkasundo ang lahat ng mayroon ako.

A trade. A trade for my freedom.

The contact of our eyes got interrupted when I felt a throbbing constriction inside my stomach. Napangiwi ako at agad na napahawak sa tiyan ko. Ang isang kamay ko ay agad na natagpuan ang handrail at mahigpit na kumapit doon. Hindi naman masyadong masakit pero ikinabigla ko ang pagkirot noon.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kinaroroonan nina Jeongguk at halos pandilatan ko siya nang makita kong naglalakad na siya palapit sa akin. His intense eyes couldn't hide other emotions it catered but I could decipher what were those.

Ano sa tingin niya ang ginagawa niya?! Bakit siya lumalapit sa akin?!

"Yah look... look is that Emi?"

"Where? Where is she?"

"It's her! It's Emi! Yah! It's Emi!"

Unfortunately, people started recognizing the hell out of me. At ang masama pa, mas naka-agaw ng pansin ang mga unang nakapansin sa akin.

I felt like throwing up when I saw people started rushing towards me. My eyes started twirling, my stomach ached even more and my knees weakened. But before I could fall and lose my consciousness, I saw Jeon Jeongguk quickly run the remaining distance between us as the way his pair of chocolate eyes turned darker and worried sent my insides in a frenzy.

It was him again, it was Jeon Jeongguk again, only this time, along the darkness that embraced me, there were his pair of strong arms and comforting scent of baby and musk.