Chapter Nine

The first nights, I had already used all of my poor attempts to push him away, make him leave me alone and tell him how he was being crazy for doing what he had been doing because hell, he couldn't really just appear into my life, being the biggest puzzle I had ever encountered as I was never a fun of puzzles and riddles. I remembered during my childhood, Ion had always cried a river over a missing piece of his beloved puzzle board. It was always because of me. Pinakiki-alaman ko kasi ang mga puzzle boards niya at palaging naiwawala ang bawat puzzle piece. So in the end, I had come to a conclusion that puzzle games just weren't for me.

And Jeon Jeongguk, he was just like a puzzle piece I didn't even know where to place, a puzzle piece suddenly thrown into my life when I had never even asked for it. He confused me a lot, from the way he carelessly did whatever he wanted, from the way he childishly said things whenever he wanted, I seriously had a hard time thinking why would the maknae of BTS hang around me when we weren't even friends?

Okay, his hyung, his friend and his older member was related— in a romantic way— to one of my friends? It didn't give him the reason to continuously appear into my life?!

Noong unang gabi, dalawang araw lang simula noong unang dalaw ng grupo niya sa bahay namin at hinahanap ang kaibigan ko, nang makita ko siya sa mismong labas ng theatre building, hindi ko siya nakilala kaya hindi ko siya pinansin. If only he hadn't just blocked my way and asked if he could walk me home, in his full disguised that people wouldn't probably bother looking at him, I could have left him alone. Dahil gaano lang ba kalaki ang tsansang harangin ka ng isang BTS Jungkook sa daan para ihatid ka? I would have never thought about it!

I actually never thought about their group! I wasn't even into K-Pop, but if asked if I liked a K-Pop group, I would answer LUX, and not BTS.

I had just been so confused by his sudden presence that all the way home, we were just silent and awkward. In my defense, I was having a hard time situating myself with having an idol with me, but I had mentally educated myself that maybe, he was with me because he just thought I was friends with Hanselle, and maybe he wanted to get something from me about my friend. Which he hadn't... instead, he was silent and vague but I had let it.

Sa pangalawang gabi, hindi ko inaasahang maghihintay na naman siya sa akin kaya naisip kong mukhang kailangan ko siyang kausapin ng seryoso. I had brought him into a not so crowded place, at a simple grilling place so we could have beers and meat while talking. And no, we hadn't talked, he just played around with me, letting me drink so much as if trying to distract me from asking questions to him.

He was slick, very slick for a kid who wasn't even being allowed to drink by his management.

Kaya sa pangatlong gabi, imbis na dalhin siya sa lugar na may beer, since medyo na-guilty ako noong pina-inom ko siya at buong gabing pinanalangin na sana ay hindi siya pinagalitan ng manager nila, dinala ko na lang siya sa convenient store malapit sa village namin at binilhan ng banana milk dahil narinig ko kay Aly na paborito iyon ni Jungkook.

"Aww Kookie is so cute! Look, he chose banana milk over the soda that's being offered to them..." Aly was watching a what seemed like a BTS video and once again fan-girling over those boys. She even had the screen of her phone flipped in front of my face, the adorable face of BTS Jungkook was there.

I had even bought him ramen which he had been so happy about. Kahit paano, nang makita ko ang pares ng mga cute wrinkles sa gilid ng mga mata niya, medyo— medyo lang naman, pakiramdam ko hindi naman masamang kasama siya.

And yes, I thought that was where I had gone wrong, because for the following nights, I just found myself having this night routine with Jeon Jeongguk. Maybe he was a stray puzzle piece in my life, yes, a puzzle piece who was still yet to find the place in my life where he would fit, while I was someone who had been missing a single piece in my life. Matagal ko nang alam na kailanman ay hindi na mapupunan iyong kulang sa akin, kasi magiging sobra na akong greedy kung hahanapin ko pa iyon. Kaya nga kahit na hindi ako sigurado kung hanggang kailan magtatagal si Jeongguk ng ganito sa buhay ko, ay hinayaan ko siya.

For now, we would be what we could be for each other. If he was just looking for a fit, and if I was just looking for a piece, then having each other wasn't really a bad idea. We could work. Maybe.

"What do you want to eat tonight, noona?" Softly holding my hand, off my back now, Jeongguk asked with his low voice through his mask. Nagawa niya akong pilitin na hindi naman siya nilalamig dahil longsleeves naman daw ang suot niyang turtle neck shirt kaya suot ko ngayon ang PUMA winter jacket niya, though, gusto niyang hawak ang kamay ko para sa body heat ko.

Bakit hindi na lang niya sabihing gusto niyang mag-holding hands kami? He would really find ways for everything he wanted. Medyo kabisado ko na ang style niya.

Ever since he had already made it a night task to pick me up at work to walk me home, I had started skipping the bus because we always walked home. Naisip ko lang na mas maganda iyong ganoon kasi bukod sa hindi ko siya puwedeng i-risk sa loob ng public transportation at mas safe na maglakad dahil hindi naman matao ang tinatahak kong daan, ay mas matagal din kaming magkakasama.

I pursed my lips, looking down at our tangled hands, mine was fully covered by the sleeve of his winter jacket before I raised him a look. "Actually, I'm thinking of drinking..." I purposely let the other words hanging at the tip of my tongue because I wanted to see something from his face. At hindi naman ako nabigo dahil mula sa mga mata niyang agad na kumislap, nahulaan ko nang gusto niya ang ideyang iyon.

"Really, really, noona?! We will drink?"

"Hm, you're not allowed to drink, right?" natatawa kong sabi na agad niyang ikina-iling. Panic quickly reflected through his chocolate eyes, and I was almost tempted to pull his mask down just to see his adorable pout. Hays, bilib na ako sa tatag ng loob ng mga ka-grupo niya. I was damn sure that I wouldn't probably take it if he would be with me 24/7, he was just too cute and adorable and I was a sucker for such things.

"I'm twenty-one! I'm allowed to drink! They even allowed me to drink during our last Bon Voyage!" He burst out, with his other arm poorly flailing in the air as if he was ready to give it all.

Pinagtaasan ko siya ng kilay katulad ng madalas kong gawin sa tuwing tinitimbang ko ang mga sinasabi at ginagawa niya, ni hindi ko alam kung ano iyong Bon Voyage na binanggit niya dahil hindi naman nila ako fan. Siguro ay itatanong ko na lang kay Aly. He immediately stood straight, and stared down at me like the good boy he was, as if he was behaving because he was expecting a reward later. Oh my god, cute!

"You see, I want to celebrate something, actually this'll be a double celebration and I don't want to babysit a kid—"

"I told you I'm not a kid! I'm twenty-one, you're just a year older than me, noona!" And now he looked like he was ready to throw a tantrum with his furrowed brows that made me softly laugh at him. I didn't want to risk pulling his mask down so I just lightly tugged at his hand, willing him to start walking with me again.

"Okay, okay. Just keep your phone out so you can call your manager when you'd be too out of it to even hold your phone."

"Yes, I will. What's the second celebration for anyway?" biglang tanong niya. He already knew about the play since sometimes, I just couldn't really keep my mouth shut in front of him so I had told him about it. He was of course happy for me, had even cheered for me through some childish texts with praises and commitments.

We had already exchanged numbers and messaging line IDs. It was actually him who was persistent and said that it would be a good idea if he could still talk to me when we weren't together.

Isa pa, sharing about each other's life was something we both had settled on with each other. Ni hindi ko nga maiisip na may pagka-loud mouth pala ang ipinagmamalaking golden makne ng BTS. Also, I wouldn't also deny that he was the cutest every time his pair of chocolate eyes would be lit up with pretty galaxies because of his cheeky smile while excitedly telling me something about himself. He was the cutest every time his bunny teeth would show up, his eye-wrinkles would appear every time he was happily telling me about his hyungs. Through his eyes and thoughtful words, I had already seen how he treasured his friends so much, 'they are my brothers, it's BTS for me or no one at all.' his exact words.

He had even told me his real name. Jeon Jeongguk. That was why I used to call him that. It was just that, there was this special feeling inside of me at the thought that I was the only one who was calling him by his real name, well, of course except from his family and his members.

Hindi ko rin alam kung kailan ko iyon unang naramdaman. Pero iyong sigurado ako, hindi mahirap mahulog sa kaniya.

"You'll know later..." I playfully smiled at him as I pondered where I could bring him that we could both drink without being cautious of the surroundings. That was also one of the things I had already gotten used to when it came to him, I would always have to think about his identity whenever we were out like this. I would always worry for him every time people would as so much stare at him because the last thing I wanted to happen was for him to get in trouble.

That was also something I had to deal with when I accepted his persistent existence into my life. Again one more thing, I just so loved the idea of being in control of this our so-called relationship. I loved bringing him to places I knew his career wouldn't ever let him to, I loved showing him things that his career limited him from.

Hindi rin naman ako masyadong nahirapang mag-isip kung saan ko siya puwedeng dalhin. Just around the place, we saw a rundown building surrounded with neon lights, Korean letters that were translated to something like Karaoke. I knew places like this, aside from they had private rooms for singing or well, partying, they also served foods. Pinagmasdan ko muna ng matino ang kabuuang ayos ni Jeongguk bago ako nakapag-decide. I just made sure that he was buckled up just fine so he wouldn't be recognised.

With his chocolate eyes wide in both confusion and amusement, he let me pull his pliant body towards the building. My heart silently warming up at the thought that he trusted me so much, to the point that he was risking his identity. It just meant that he believed, or knew to himself that I would never do anything that would get him in trouble. Of course, I would never.

Sa maliit na window kung saan may isang babaeng mukhang nasa mid-thirties na ay maingat kaming lumapit doon. When I asked for a private room with additional service like foods, I made sure Jeongguk was safe behind my back, keeping him from the eyes of the lady behind the window. I was then given a key with a tag that said the number of the room I requested. With a low thank you and a small smile, I again held Jeongguk hand away from the window and towards the hallway that would lead us to the rooms.

The place, just like its appearance outside, looked cheap and messy, with old painted walls and scrapped floors. It wasn't even big, the likes where people just visited out of convenience so when we had reached and entered into our given room, I wasn't surprised to see such a small place. May isang metro lang yata ang layo ng bilog na mesa mula sa dingding kung saan nakakabit ang maliit na black screen TV, bukas iyon. The couch that seemed to only carry two persons looked so old but clean, along with the thin carpet we were stepping on.

Sighing deeply, I let my eyes roam around the small room, checking all the corners at the ceiling and even rummaging through the walls to make sure there wasn't anything like hidden camera since I couldn't see a CCTV camera. Upon making sure, I turned around to face Jeongguk, who was still amusedly looking around the room. "Hey, I think it's safe for you to take your hat and mask off. But only if you're comfortable..." I said, pulling his winter jacket off my shoulders to gently put it on the couch.

Hesitantly, he first stared at me with those adorable pair of chocolate eyes and I thought, when he was like this, it was so hard for me to read what was in his mind because I was being succumbed by his eyes. In the end, he subtly nodded his head before he slowly grabbed his bucket hat off his head and pulled his mask down. I almost freaking gasped loudly when I saw what was hiding behind his mask.

I meant, his lips were one of his best features, with their pinkness and puckered shape, his upper lip being weirdly yet prettily thinner than the lower one, it just added up to his deadly features. Hindi ko rin talaga masisisi kung bakit palagi siyang nominado sa taunang poll ng Most Handsome Face sa buong mundo, at kung isang araw ay maiuuwi niya ang title, iyon ay dahil deserve niya iyon. It would be a freaking shame not to have him the Most Handsome Face even just once.

"Noona..." Gently tapping my cheek with his soft yet firm fingers, I heard him softly call me and when I was back to reality, being pulled back from shamelessly admiring his lips, I saw those lips pulled up for a playful smile. Bunny teeth showing... "You were not listening. I asked if you'll want to sing first?" His voice when he spoke was filled with humour and amusement as if he was happy that he caught me staring at him.

Mabilis akong nag-iwas ng tingin saka bahagyang umatras sa kaniya. "Uh, you can sing first. I'll just, uh, ring in for our foods..." Bago pa siya makasagot ay tumalikod na ako at naupo sa dulo ng couch malapit sa dingding. On the table, I picked the paper brochure where I could see the available foods. Sinabi ko na sa counter kanina na magpapa-ring ako para sa order namin kaya paniguradong may naghihintay na ng orders namin.

"Hm, okay, noona. You have something in mind you want me to sing?" he said, his voice wasn't still done teasing. Hindi ako nag-angat ng tingin at inabala na lang ang mga mata sa mga combos na nasa brochure saka sumagot sa kaniya.

"Could you please sing me a Justin Timberlake song? He's my crush..." I answered unknowingly, already immersed in looking through the variants of food combos. I was planning to drink so I mentally checked Soju in my list, also saw some finger foods we could chew as we waited for the main dish. Once again, I listed nuts and fries in my mental note before going into the variation of main dishes.

I had seen some foods that had almost made my mouth salivate but then I also had to consider that I couldn't really eat much carbs and calories because I was watching after my figure. May audition akong paghahandaan at ayaw ko namang lumitaw sa HIT building na mukhang bloated. Though I guessed, since I was with someone who was such a big eater, maybe we could just order for one serving and we would just share. Minsan, ganoon ang ginagawa namin kapag hindi ko talaga balak kumain ng marami.

He could just order again if it wouldn't be enough for him. Knowing him...

Gently straightening the piece of paper on my lap, I raised my head to stare at Jeongguk only to immediately furrow my eyebrows when I was met with his cute frowning face. His lips were puckered into a small pout, his eyes were missing the glint of the usual galaxy I always saw there as he stared down at me and his head was tilted in a poor and defeated manner, along with his broad and strong shoulders.

It was such a sight to be honest, a sight that was enough to ruin such a nice day. A sight that could drown a whole hyper-up energy. Mentally, with my mind and heart again, I had an agreement that I wouldn't want to see him this sad and devastated.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla siyang naging ganito pero mabilis na gumana ang utak ko. I tossed the brochure away as I stretched both of my arms for him, shaking my hands in manifestation that I wanted to hold his hands. "What... what's wrong, Guk? Did I do something wrong?" nag-aalala kong tanong sa kaniya. "Come here."

He blinked at me, turning his head away to avoid my eyes before he took a step toward me, his hands reaching for my eager ones. He looked like a kicked puppy, he was tall and big but ironically looked small and fragile for me. Marahan ko siyang hinila pababa para paupuin siya sa tabi ko, pinilig ko ang ulo ko para hulihin ang mga mata niya pero yumuko siya para hindi ko magawa.

"Gukkie..." I softly called to him. "Come on, tell me, what's wrong?" Hinawakan ko sa ibabaw ng lap ko ang mga kamay niya gamit ang isang kamay ko para i-angat ang isa pang kamay ko. I gently cupped his cheek, urging him to look at me.

I was never the one who was known when it came to things like this. I had never been in a relationship, but the pulling sensation inside my heart, that pulling feeling was sometimes warm and flattering, sometimes unexpectedly bloomy, sometimes sulky and tearing and sometimes so strong that I was afraid it would be too much for me to handle. All those feelings, inside of me, whenever Jeongguk was involved. All those feelings, for Jeon Jeongguk.

Did I seriously catch feelings for him?

"You said Justin Timberlake is your crush..." he mumbled in a low yet soft voice, his tone was scared and uncertain. I didn't need to put force on my hand that held his cheek because he was already turning his head to stare back at me. His eyes were dancing with so many uncertainties but one thing I was so sure about was that there was sadness in them.

He couldn't be just pouting at me just because I told him Justin Timberlake was my crush, could he?

"And you're upset because?" I asked, pushing the feeling of dumbfoundedness away from my system.

"I hate it. He isn't even that handsome, he's old, and he doesn't know you. What do you like about him?" He childishly said, unconsciously insulting the actor-singer with his face pulling into a much deeper frown. Mukhang hindi niya maintindihan at matanggap ang dahilan kung bakit ko crush si Justin Timberlake.

Dapat ay naiinis na ako sa kaniya kasi nilalait niya iyong taong wala namang kamuwang-muwang pero hindi ko mapigilang magpakawala ng ngiti dahil napaka-cute niya. I had seen him frowning over every little thing he didn't like, I had seen him frown over a food he tasted that didn't suit his taste buds, and I had seen him frown over something bad I had said but I had never seen his jealous face. It was childish but it was cute... tell me someone who could do both, aside from him, I could wait forever.

Ngumuso pa siya lalo nang makita akong nakangiti sa kaniya kaya marahan akong umiling sa kaniya. "You like me so much, huh?"

Biting his lips, his chocolate eyes widened at what I said before I saw how blood rushed to his face, it was his neck first before they piled up at the tip of his ears, colouring his whole face. Panic was quickly reflected on his eyes. He was acting like I didn't know that when he had been very obvious about it.

I lightly tapped his face to somehow lighten the mood in between us. "It's just a crush, I don't like him the way you're thinking and yes, you're right, he doesn't know me and I don't know him personally. Don't be upset, hm?" Bahagya kong pinisil ang pisng niya para ipakitang kailangan niyang tandaan iyon dahil ayaw kong iniisip niya na may iba akong gusto, o may ibang lalaki pa na puwede niyang pagselosan. He had actually made my standard set so high, unreachable, so how could I still find someone as perfect and as adorable as him? It seemed like I was stuck with him forever, and I guessed, I didn't mind. "Now, let's eat. You choose our food as I choose something you can sing for me." I picked the brochure up again and handed it to him.

Napangiti pa ako ulit nang masunurin siyang tumango. My heart was pounding so much at the very thought of his silent confirmation, he didn't deny that he liked me. He was so obvious, and I wasn't stupid not to see the reason why he was doing this, but having that silent confirmation from him was enough to send my heart into hitting the roof.

"You okay with Bulgogi Quesadilla, noona? Or Chicken?"

"What about you? I know you're a big eater, Jeongguk. I'm fine with both..."

"We'll go to both, if you'll let me pay..."

Napatingin ako sa kaniya mula sa paghahanap ng kanta dahil sa sinabi niya. I had never let him pay for our foods, it was also me who always paid for the foods I brought him. Sometimes he would go really moody because he always wanted to pay for our food, but I wouldn't let him. "No, I'll pay..."

He pouted cutely again, that pout that no one could resist. "But you're always paying, men should pay on dates..."

I gasped. "Date? We're not on a date, Jeongguk!" Medyo malakas kong sabi dahil medyo na-eskandalo ako sa sinabi niya. I didn't mean it the bad way, but I would never prefer unplanned dates. Plus, I wanted to be asked properly.

"Then would you let me pay if we are on a date?"

Okay, that was unexpected but then again, he was Jeongguk, my Jeon Jeongguk, my always persistent Jeongguk. Alam ko namang hindi siya tatanggap ng pagtanggi. I had taken up so many nights just thinking of possible scenarios between us, like deciding to be on a date together, or if I would make it hard for him. I would, only if my heart wasn't slicing up my throat, wanting to take over and make me say the words it wanted. Fine, sino bang tatanggi na maka-date siya?

I would have, if he would have asked me the first night, but it was already nights from that night, he had already showed me a lot of lovable things about him. In front of me, I couldn't see the idol he was, the golden maknae of BTS, instead he was simply just Jeon Jeongguk, my very own Jeon Jeongguk. What they probably had both was their shining glints, the star that brightened the darkest part of my life.

Umayos ako ng upo para humarap sa kaniya, at nag-angat ng malamyos na titig sa kaniya. He looked as if he was willing to wait for my answer, for how much long it would take. "You would date me?" I asked softly.

Finally, when he smiled, I saw again his eye-wrinkles and bunny teeth. "Only if you'll let me, noona."

And I guessed, that was where it seriously started everything. That night, as we had drank to our hearts content, with him continuously singing a song for me, that included some songs by Justin Timberlake and some of their songs, I had opened up to him about the offer I got from HIT Entertainment and the success of the play. He was so happy for me that he had seriously let his guard down, being the dorky mess that he was, he had jumped around the room while singing a very hyper pop song by a boy group older than them. We had danced to some live musics and laughed our asses off, we had also both feasted on the foods he ordered, literally ruining the diet I had set for myself.

Nang maihatid niya ako pauwi sa bahay ay alam kong medyo lasing na siya. I waited with him for his manager to pick him up outside our house. Na-guilty pa ako nang sa mismong harap ko siya pinagalitan ng dumating na manager niya. Nag-sorry rin ako nang tumitig sa akin ang lalaki na tinawanan lang ni Jeongguk kaya natawa na rin ako. His manager just shook his head in resignation before helping Jeongguk into the car but before the man could close the door, Jeongguk lightly pushed him away from my view.

I almost ran to him when I thought he would jump out of the car. I felt a bit lightheaded but not drunk, and I knew he was too. For a kid, he could strongly hold his alcohol tolerance.

"Noona! I like you! I like you so much, and I want to date you! Let's date, please!" he drunkenly screamed, making me stop on my track, my feet being nailed to the ground and my heart being squeezed that made it hard for me to properly breathe. Hindi naman ako natatakot na baka may nakarinig sa kaniya dahil wala nang tao ngayon pero natatakot ako sa sarili ko.

I hadn't seen myself in love. I just... I just hadn't seen myself think and act in love. And it scared me just thinking of all the things I could do in love, when now, I couldn't think of anything else but Jeongguk, and how I wanted to date him too. Could I indulge? It wouldn't hurt, right?

Hindi ko pinansin ang nagbabantang titig ng manager niya, sa halip ay mabilis akong tumango. "I like you too, Guk. And yes, let's date."