There was a time when I was happy. When the world itself seemed whole and complete, when my worries were minimal, and the smile I adorned was pure and real. The time in which I speak of, was my time in the Sairen compound. Where those in the clan that accepted me nurtured the happiness that rooted itself from my time in Konoha. Albeit there's the portion of the clan that resent me as some type of ticking time bomb...and at first I thought that their assumptions were unjustified and cruel. 

Now I know that they have a reason to be hateful. A reason to cast loathsome looks in my direction. 

I am, indeed, a ticking bomb ready to explode. 

I'm a liability, an error in the logistics of the missions math equation. I could not be trusted, and as I trail behind the group; my thoughts turning sour and dark, I realize that I have no place on this team, nor with the ANBU. If I keep acting like this, I'll accidentally end up killing my teammates. 

"Hurry the hell up, Shizukana." snarls Hikaru, his voice venomous as he leads the team out of the crater (caused by the actions of Naruto and I). 

Stumbling forward, I force my weak body to move as my mind clouds with a hazy fog. Just what the hell did Ketsueki do when he had control of my body? Something severe if the hatred thrown at me from Hikaru was any guess. Even Sakura looked upon me with eyes full of fear and betrayal. Trying to shake the thoughts out of my head, I scramble up the side of the crater and sit on the ground catching my breath. 

Ketsueki really did a number on me mentally. Even the mere thought of getting up and continuing the mission sounded tiring and hellish. 

When all of us are out of the crater, Hikaru swivels around towards me, a snarl plastered upon his face. Pointing a finger at me, his red hues spike with shades of purple,  the colours swirling dangerously as his eyes narrow at me. 

"You are no longer apart of this mission. Go home; stay here; I don't give a damn-" 

Sakura walks up to him, her arms coming out almost in a gentle gesture. "Hikaru, we can't just-" Hikaru turns on her just as viciously, his voice ripping into her as he gestures towards me. Sakura looks upon him with wide and shocked eyes. 

"No! If she can't control herself, she shouldn't be here!"

"Isn't that Hypocritical? Naruto lost control, and you don't seem too bothered by him," says Yamato plainly, the said blonde still being carried within his arms. Yamato looked towards me then, his eyes betraying nothing.  

"The difference-" Spits Hikaru "Is that he didn't hurt any of us." 

A sharp gasp escapes me as horror tears at my soul. Looking towards each of them, I plead with wide eyes, praying that at least one of them would explain to me what had occurred. None of them could look me in the eyes. Hikaru takes my reaction as another opening to get mad. 

"And she doesn't even have the guts to admit it!" He yells, his voice growing even harsher as he glowers at me. Stepping towards me, he stops at my feet, forcing me to look up towards his glowering face. 

"I'm sick and tired of waiting for her to lose control. Years of training obviously haven't paid off, and have instead left her even more dangerous than before.-" Turning away from me, he stalks off in the direction that I can only assume leads to Orochimaru and the others. 

"She'll end up killing us all." 

A choked sound leaves my lips as my fingers come up to grasp my throat. Tears blur my vision as I watch Hikaru walk away, his figure distorting until I could hardly recognize him. He couldn't leave me behind...he promised to stay with me, he promised to never leave me!

With panicked desperation, I scramble up to my feet, dirt kicking everywhere as my emotions get to me. I go to call his name, but his name comes out strangled and warped. Sobbing, I fall to the dirt again as a familiar numbness creeps through my limbs. 

Hands come to rest themselves on my shoulders, the touch causing me to flinch and turn around abruptly. Sakura stares down at me with a sad gaze, her lips pulling into a small frown.

"It wasn't your fault, Shizukana." Those simple words bring small amounts of ease to my body but did not fully banish the hopelessness inside me. Moving away from me, she goes and follows Hikaru through the trees, Yamato quickly following after shooting me a disappointed look. 

"Go back to Konoha, Shizukana. We will discuss everything once this mission is over with." 

I was then left laying there, alone, exhausted, and upset. Looking towards the ground, I clench onto to the grass as an uncontrollable urge to scream filled me. Unable to hold back the pained sound, I let one loose, the scream shrill and horrible. 

When it died down, I lay down in the grass and stare up at the sky, an exhausted feeling tugging at my soul. 

I can never win in life, can I? I always have to say or do something to fuck everything up. Wiping away the tears that streamed down my face, I sniffle as my thoughts wander back to Hikaru. Never before has he ever looked at me like that, nor has he ever spoken such words in my direction. I must have royally fucked up. 

I cannot even blame Ketsueki for this one. I should have been strong enough to hold him back, and yet, I am still just as weak as I was before I moved back to Kiri. Letting out a small whine of pain, I curl up on my side and continue to think of the boy I have come to care about more than anything. 

His smile, to the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed, or the way his fangs flashed when he grinned at me. The look of accomplishment when he beat me in a round of sparring, or the way his violet hues lit up when he spotted ice cream. 

None of those looked were present when he looked at me just now. All I could see was a level of hatred and anger that I didn't even know he possessed. 

Hours seemed to pass by as the night sky dimmed and the moon glistened beautifully. I search desperately for the chakra signature of the others but find that the only one nearby seemed to be Naruto's. The others, including Sai, seemed to be a few miles away from me. Groaning, I pull my sore and cold body up from the ground and rise to my feet. 

hurried footsteps sound to my rights, and I watch as the familiar blonde tears through the bushes with a determined look. I go to speak to him but find a familiar pull run through my body. Looking down, I watch at my necklace burns a brilliant red, chakra coursing through the pendant as someone tries to summon me. 

Looking back up to Naruto, I watch as his eyes widen at the sight of the burning pendant, and the fading image that is my body. 

"Shizu, wait!-" 

He doesn't get the chance to finish his sentence before my body completely disappears. 

______________________________________________________________________

Warmth immediantly spreads through my body as my form reappears into a dimmly lit room, a fire burning in the back corner of the room. Who could have summoned me to such a place, no one-

"So it's true then." Someone starts  "you're alive." 

Shivers run down my spine as my muscles tense and my eyes fill with tears. Turning around, I nearly collapse at the sight of the boy before me. 

"Sasuke.." I whisper out, my voice wavering as I took him in. He's changed so much, strength basically oozing from him in waves. He simply stares at me with impassive eyes, and it's not until I take a single step in his direction that he moves towards me. With a surprising amount of speed, he sweeps me up into his arms and presses his body close to mine as his hands rest themselves on my neck, pushing my head into the nape of his neck. 

Breathing in the scent of him, I wrap my arms around him, and fiercely cling to him, trying to convey the fact that I missed him dearly. Clutching onto me, his body shakes slightly, as he brushes down my hair and comforts me. 

"I heard your scream." He says quietly. 

Those four words have me pulling away from him and looking into his onyx eyes, ones that still glittered with venom and hatred. Letting out a tired sigh, I move towards the bed situated at the back of the room, my body sinking into the rusty springs of the mattress. Instead of moving towards me, Sasuke stares down at me with blank eyes, shadows casting over his features due to the fire. 

"I lost control, again," I say plainly, by voice showing how numb I am to the situation. "I ended up hurting my team, and although I have no recollection of what I did...I was cast out."

For a brief moment, I watch as Sasuke's brows furrow in anger before returning back to his normally stoic expression. Walking towards me, he sits upon the bed, crossing his legs as turns to me. Turning my body to fully face him, I copy his actions and cross my legs, my shoulders slumping forward as the exhaustion creeps back in. looking back into his eyes, I allow myself to give one simple smile as I look upon him. 

"I've missed you, brother." 

Unconsciously, I feel my hairline burn as my hair turns into the colour of pitch oil. In response, Sasuke's eyes flash dangerously as his Sharingan shines to life, the colour resembling that of blood. 

Now we really do look like family. 

"just be happy you aren't dead," he says dryly. Although his tone comes out cold and void of any humour, I couldn't help but allow myself to laugh even though the memory itself was anything but pleasant. 

I can still remember the pain of the surgeries, and the looks on Sasuke and Naruto's faces as I fell from the sky. 

"Takes a lot more than that to kill me, Sasuke." He shakes his head slightly at me, his one hand coming out to run his fingers over my knuckles. I refrain from asking any questions on his actions. Sasuke is not known to show any type of physical affection to anyone, so why is he doing this now? 

Maybe because the last time he saw you, you were dying in his arms. 

Leaning down, I rest my head on his shoulder, my body relaxing as my eyes sting from the overpowering need to sleep. My breathing evens out as Sasuke inches a little closer to me. 

"I'm just so tired, Sasuke," I say, my breath fanning out over his shoulder. "I'm tired of losing the ones I care about, and I'm tired of being controlled by something that shouldn't even exist." 

Tears pour from my eyes once more as a sob leaves my lips. Never before has Sasuke seen me in such a vulnerable state. He wasn't at Pandora's funeral, and even when I showed him my scars back on our mission involving Zabuza...I never cried. He only saw my anger and hatred. Nothing more, nothing less. 

This is a new side being showed to him. 

"I just want to be done, Sasuke. I just want things to work out for once." I realize that he is probably the last person I should be saying this too, but nevertheless, I needed to say it. To hear myself speak the words. 

Sasuke doesn't offer any words of comfort but instead lets out a low hum, an indication that he was listening. With that in mind, I take comfort in the fact my brother was still alive and well, and not dead in some test tube for Orochimaru. 

"Sleep, I'll bring you back tomorrow." 

He didn't have to tell me twice. With one last sob, I feel the rest of my body relax as I fall into Sasuke, his arms warpping around me with a type of unfamiliar gentleness. 

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Short chapter I know I know, but the chapters coming up with be longer and have less gramatical errors in it, I promise. Hope you all have a goodnight!

-Mizuko