Catherine

Funny how one night I was complaining about not having someone, then ended up being in situations that never would've happened if I just kept my mouth shut and drank my wine.

But then again, if I did do just that; just locked myself in my room and tried forgetting about it, I would probably still be spending my weekends at the apartment, alone and crying about how a dog waited for his owner on a train station.

"I've bought some toys for the kids. I don't know if they'll like it but I hope they do." Robert gave me a nervous smile before focusing his eyes back on the road.

If Glen and I didn't break up, I wouldn't have met Damon. And if I haven't met Damon, then I don't think I'll ever meet Robert. I mean we will meet eventually.

You know how weird it is to know somebody? And not just anybody, but someone who you know would play a certain role in your life? It would freak the hell out of you, too.

In the back of my mind, I knew that I should tell him that I found the one. Or rather, he found me. But in front of that thought, is the fear that I was going to wake up and not hear his attempt on reaching a high note while he's cooking eggs and bacon. He's been with me for a long period of time that I was so sure that I would know the moment he was gone. He was like a bad case of hiccups. You want to get rid of it at first, and even though it annoys the hell out of you, you bear with it. Then once it leaves, you just feel empty.

I also know that messing with what was already planned, would have some consequences. Follow your heart they say. And maybe it's because of what I've been reading lately, but I just might end up on car crash as karma for following my heart.

Damon doesn't have to worry about anything. He could still keep his job and things would be a lot easier for him. He might even have an assigned body just like Benjie.

I on the other hand? What if I don't get a second chance? And what if Mikey asks me to come with him?

Sometimes, I wish I never met Damon or said that silly prayer. Sometimes.

Because sometimes, I wish things were back to normal. Yes, that normalcy where I would go to work, chat with clients, speak to Rose, read and go home. Because that routine was what I was used to. That was I was planning to do until I decide to retire and have my own little cottage where I would attempt on planting my own food. Then God sent me a casanova wanna-be who annoyingly sang his way to my head.

"Are you alright, Catherine?"

I turned to look at him as we took a turn to the church Damon and I visited before.

When I mentioned the church Damon and I went to to donate some of Ellie's things, he volunteered on visiting the place with me.

I would have said no. But then he went on about wanting to know how the children taken in by the church were doing. And he looked so eager. And I did plan on going to visit Sister Mary anyway so I said yes. Like hitting two birds with one stone. Damon wasn't informed of this. I just can't tell him yet.

Now here we are, with the backseat of his car filled with toys for the kids. I volunteered on at least helping pay for them but he was having none of it.

Damon doesn't know that I visit Sister Mary almost every week. I mean I asked him a couple of times before but he would always have an excuse not to go. So I just dropped it and went on my own. I try to help when they have to serve the kids their meals. There's just something about the smiles that children give you that makes you feel like you did nothing wrong in your life.

"Oh nothing. Just thinking if Damon forgot his keys again."

It's been happening for over a week now. So he'll be at Ellie's old apartment, just sitting there, waiting for me or my keys. I told him countless times before to include them with his car keys but he never does. Come to think of it, he keeps forgetting our key but always had Ellie's. With me coming home late on some occasions, it ends up with the both of us being too lazy to cook and deciding just to eat out.

And during those times, he would look at me and - that's it. He'll just look at me.

"You're in too deep in your thoughts, come back." Robert chuckled.

I was about to reply when his phone rang.Odd how he always had someone calling him. Then I remembered that he was a businessman. And businessmen, have these people called clients. That's kind of how they earn money. I think the only time they get to shower their ladies with love and attention is when they're retired. Of course that's a different case when it comes to married men. Take my father as an example. We had rules at home where there will be times when my dad has to shut his phone down or there'll be hell to pay. And that hell was who we called 'mom'.

Robert just looked at his phone for a second and seeing who the caller was, decided that that person wasn't worth answering.

"He can wait." He winked at me before killing the car's engine. The entrance to the church was a little rocky and dusty since it was a little far off the city. It was ideal. It was far from the noise of the city and gave people the peace and quiet they needed.

Robert got off the car and walked on my side to open my door. He even gave me a small bow after holding my hand. Gentleman that he was. Our eyes met for a moment and there was that feeling again. I've seen these eyes before. And as creepy as it sounds, I think this has happened before too. Like déjà vu. It was all too hazy and he was smiling at me.

"You're so beautiful."

He said these words the exact moment I whispered the same line. His eyes widened and there was sudden look of panic on his face.

We should've laughed it off but I knew that he knew what just happened. Of course telling someone they're beautiful out of the blue is romantic but here's the thing; I saw it coming. I knew from the moment he opened his mouth that he would say those lines. How I knew this was a far more unbelievable explanation.

I dreamt of it.

Back when I was a hopeless teenager and had to resort to imaginary dream guys to sweep me off my feet. He was physically my dream guy. It all makes sense. On why he fits the criteria I had perfectly.

The sound of the children's laughter made me look away from him and saw that most of them were playing on the church's grounds.

"Perfect timing." He murmured before he started unloading the boxes from the back.

***

I was helping one of the kids on making a paper crown for her doll when Sister Mary sat with beside us. She smiled at me, then turned her gaze to where Robert was, negotiating with a little boy. He was given on what I think was a ukelele and he took it hesitantly as a group of children sat on the grass.

"He's a nice young man." She murmured as I placed the crown on the doll's head. I gave her a small smile and looked at where her eyes were focused on. She sighed before turning back to me. "To be honest with you dear, I thought you and Damon were..." I shook my head.

"Oh no no. We're not- He's not- No." With a nervous laugh, I just gave up, hoping she understood what I was trying to say.

"He looks content with you." She smiled and patted my knee.

Content. Not happy. Or comfortable.

I said nothing when the little girl left to play with the others. See, this is supposed to be the time where I try avoiding talking about him.

"Content?"

Great Catherine.

She nodded and held my hand. Whenever I visit, she would always wonder on why I wasn't with Damon. I know who she is, although she doesn't know who Damon is. I understand why he doesn't visit her often. He may have grown up, but I know, deep inside, he's still the same kid that stared at his mom past the church's gates.

"You see Catherine, happiness is something you would feel only for a moment. Contentment on the other hand, makes that happiness stay with you for a very long time."

Well now I know where Damon might have gotten his understanding of things.

"But what if that happiness isn't something for you to have? What if there was someone else for you? Someone who you're supposed to be with right from the start?" I looked down at our hands and realized that these were the questions I've been asking myself whenever Damon looked at me even with spaghetti sauce sauce smeared on his face.

"That's a hard question. I wouldn't want to give an answer when I haven't even been in that person's shoes. It would be like answering a math question during english class. But here's what you have to remember; You will find happiness,or happiness finds you. Either way, when the time comes, know that it's yours and you deserved it. I found happiness here, although sometimes I feel like something's missing. Bottom line is, I know that my decision to stay here made me happy. It was my choice. Happiness is a choice. And it's yours to make. Either you take the opportunity and grab it, or you let it pass." She gave me a warm smile before being called back inside by one of the nuns. And me? I just sat there, finding it difficult to breathe. I was confused. And I hated it.

"Catherine." I looked up to see most of the children's eyes on me. Robert grinned and strummed the ukelele once. "I'm having a mini concert. Can you be my muse?" the children clapped and one small girl took my hand. I sat on one of the small chairs they had, beside Robert. I gave him a small smile as he started playing.

"I was her, she was me. We were one, we were free. And if there's somebody calling me on...
She's the one."

Robert had a nice voice, unlike someone I know. It gave me chills as he looked at me during that last line.

This is who I'm supposed to be with.

And I have to tell the guy who's probably waiting on Ellie's apartment later about it. It was unfair for the both of us. It was unfair for Robert.

But I don't want to.

I was never this torn. I was never this stubborn. I don't know when it happened but that cursed son of a reaper didn't only horribly sing his way to my head, but past my chest fat ,too.

And I'm just sitting here practicing my line on how I'm going to confront Robert. And how I'm going to confront Damon afterwards.

Wait.

What if it doesn't turn out like the movies? What if I mess up? What if get struck by lightning? What if he says something in between the lines of "I don't feel the same way." And that I was just imagining things?

Happiness is a choice. And it's yours to make. Either you take the opportunity to grab it, or you let it pass.

I was taken out of the zone when I heard the applause of the kids as Robert finished his piece. I liked the song he played. It was a favorite of mine.

"Who are you?" This time, I had the courage to meet him in the eye.

He looked down at the ukelele with a smile, the children going back to what they were doing before Robert sang. "Well Catherine, I'm hoping to be exactly who you think I am." He finally faced me and gave me a sad smile.

"How would you know?" my throat felt dry and I had to swallow whatever lump it was that got stuck there.

"I just know..."

I frowned and got up. "That sounds creepy when you put it that way."

"Still..." he stood up.

"C-Can you take me back to the apartment? I have a feeling he forgot his keys." I wiped my hands on my pants and tried- tried smiling.

His lips formed a thin line but smiled in return. "Of course."

We said our goodbyes and the children thanked him for the gifts he brought. Sister Mary nodded at me just as I got into the car. The time spent inside his car during the whole ride was extremely silent that I was afraid he'll stop in the middle of nowhere, tie me up and leave me to die. What? A little too extreme? You have to admit, it is possible.

Luckily, he was a sane man (and people saw me with him so he'll be the primary suspect if ever)and dropped me off in front of the apartment.

He looked pissed. I think if someone I liked started changing the topic when I wanted to discuss something so badly, I would feel the same way.

Then his phone rang again, and he looked more pissed. He did try to smile at me as he drove off, answering the call as the window of his car rolled up.

"Two guys since I left? My my Catherine. You're starting to be a very naughty kitty."

I sighed, massaging my temple. I mean why would he be mad at me? I needed to focus on what I'm going to say to the guy on Ellie's apartment. The last thing I needed was a distraction. And you know what? When you've lived with a guy who had childish reasons for getting someone's name wrong, you start to realize that no matter how childish it was, he was kind of right. In fact, it was a mild insult enough to rub a man's ego the wrong way. Turning to him, I put on the my brave face.

"What do you want Gwen?"