Chapter Nineteen

♪ Soundtrack: Touch by Little Mix ♪

His loving kisses, his gentle touches, his every desperate gasp for air and his every scorching stare as he was again making me feel how of a woman I was, were all sending me to the highest heights of pleasure.

I let his naked body dominatingly hover on top of my bare body, not really minding his weight. My bare full breasts pressed against his heating broad chest as his hard and proud maleness was having an aching and raw contact with my wet womanhood. I could only imagine how Eve and Adam felt too much shame and regrets upon seeing both of them naked in each other's naked eyes but I could also subtly feel the overflowing pleasure they could have deprived humans.

If not of their mistake, then a pleasure like this could have never been existed. A mistakable yet incomparable pleasure.

"J-Joon…" tawag ko sa kaniya sa napapaos na tinig nang mawala ang mga labi niya mula sa mga labi ko at nagawa ko pang habulin ang mga labi niya ngunit pinanatili niya akong nakahiga. He passionately stared at me, his deep circles were now mirroring untamed and unstoppable lust and desire which I knew were also burning every bone down my spine. "What are you doing?" I confusedly asked him when he slowly went south, his eyes that mirrored something primal not leaving mine.

Hinawakan ko ang braso niya para pigilan siya sa balak niyang gawin ngunit ang paghawi ng isang hita niya sa binti ko para ibahagi at paghiwalayin ang mga hita ko ang nagbigay sa akin ng ideya kung ano ang binabalak niyang gawin. His lips stretched into a devilish grin when he saw me widen my eyes in both astonishment and desperation.

He couldn't! He wouldn't! That was embarrassing!

"Joon! Joon, no!" I panicked when he disappeared to between my knees. Mabilis kong isinara ang mga hita ko ngunit naging maagap siya.

He used his feet to lock mine and keep my legs from moving. Hiyang-hiyang napatitig ako sa kaniya for I was served all ready for him with my legs spread apart and my private pulsing in anticipation and dripping wetly… only for him

All for him.

Oh my gosh! Evah, hold it in! What the hell?!

"I love you so much, Evah…" He told me through devilish grin as he dived into my dripping sensitivity.

I almost cried out when I felt his soft lips sensitively touch my aching folds just as I felt my stomach churn because of the unfamiliar pleasure he was making me feel again. Napapikit ako at napakapit sa nagulong comforter habang damang-dama ko ang mga labi niyang banayad na humahalik sa akin doon. This felt like the most embarrassing yet the most pleasurable moment for me… as of the moment.

Hindi ako makapaniwalang puwede iyon… hindi ako makapaniwalang mapapaligaya niya ako ng ganito sa pamamagitan—

"Ugh, Joon!" I screamed in delight when I felt his tongue swiftly dip into my core just as he mercilessly sucked on that small sensitive flesh that made me roll my eyes in so much delight. My toes curled and uncurled as I felt his grip on my thighs go softer, giving soft and light caresses adding up to the fuel of pleasure burning my spine. My hands then found his soft strands and as he dipped deeper, I clutched a handful of his hair and moaned loudly his name. "Oh my, J-Joon…"

This was crazy! This was too much! This was…

My trail of thoughts stopped when I felt my stomach once again constrict deliciously and before I could find it out, whatever that was, it already exploded like wildfire, filling me fireworks and rainbows within. Mabibigat na paghinga ang pinakawalan ko dahil doon. He nipped all that I spilled and cleaned me with his mouth and tongue. Mukhang natapos na siya roon kaya muling umangat siya sa akin. He hovered on top of me again and showered me passionate kisses.

"That was hot, baby…" He told me through his kisses. His lips suddenly tasted weird but I kissed back nevertheless.

"That was c-crazy," nanghihinang sagot ko habang umiiling at hindi pa nakakabawi sa ginawa niya sa akin. Our breaths meeting as we were both breathing harshly.

"No, this is crazy." He pressed his lips hardly against mine again just as I felt his hard and long shaft slowly pushing its way inside my still very sensitive wetness due to overstimulation. Masakit ngunit hindi na kasing sakit noong una dahil nahahaluan na ito ng makamundong sarap na tanging siya lang ang mapapayagan kong magparamdam sa akin.

My legs automatically draped around him as I took in all of his hard and fast pulls and pushes. Pangalan niya ang paulit-ulit kong idinadaing sa bawat pagtanggap ko sa bawat atake niya. And I couldn't believe that I was wanting more of him though we were already very close to each other.

They way his huge length was stretching me was leaving me so much to seek…

"I love you, I love you so much…" He breathed through my lips. Kasabay ng mga mararahas niyang paghinga ay ang mararahas niyang paggalaw. He was rougher than ever, he was harsher than ever… but I was loving every bit of it.

In his every pull, I was gasping and aching for a retreat while for his every push, I was moaning and groaning for his name.

My throat didn't deprive me from moaning and groaning his name. And for the second time, after his several hard and unforgiving thrusts, I felt my stomach tighten. One hard thrust from him and we both reached the heavenly pleasure of our own created paradise.

I felt more, even more woman than I ever was… again.

A friend is someone we trust.

Kaya ngayong nakikita ko ang nakasimangot na mukha ni Hanya habang nakatayo sa harap ko at walang emosyong nakatitig pabalik sa akin ay hindi ko maiwasang itanong sa sarili kong… nagkamali ba ako ng taong pinagkatiwalaan o nagkamali ako ng pagkakakilala sa kaniya? Kailangan ba munang pagkatiwalaan ko siya bago ko masabing kaibigan ko na siya o kailangang maging kaibigan ko muna siya bago ko siya pagkatiwalaan?

Either way, I knew to myself that she was a friend for me and I trusted her.

Now, the question left downed in my mind, did she ever treat me as her friend? Kasi kung oo, hindi niya gagawin sa akin iyon. She confessed to Joon behind my back. Doon pa lang ay nakikita ko nang may motibo siya… was she trying to steal Joon from me?

Oh, she was. Surely.

She impatiently lent her palms to me as she continued to blandly stare at me with those small mono lid eyes, her lips were tightly closed revealing her pair of dimples. Parang hindi ang kilala kong Hanya ang kaharap ko ngayon. But then, I thought mentally, maybe I really didn't know her.

Bumuntong-hininga ako. Nasasaktan ako dahil pinahahalagahan ko ang mga kaibigan ko at hindi ako makapaniwalang mawawalan ako ng isa… She might have not treated me as her friend but I treated her like one. Hindi lang isang Psychology partner kung hindi isang totoong kaibigan. Inabot ko sa kaniya ang output ng aming Psychology project, both the hard drive and the hard copy.

Ako ang tumapos sa handouts at technicals namin dahil nagboluntaryo siyang mag-pe-present since iisang presentor lang naman ang hinihingi ng aming Psychology professor. Biyernes na ngayon at sa lunes na namin ito ipe-present bago ang final exams.

"Like I said, I'll present our project. Is this all done?" she nonchalantly asked while checking the folder I gave her.

Waste. Really, such a waste.

Hindi ako nasasayangan sa effort na inilaan ko sa pagkakaibigang ito, sa oras at sa lahat ng mga masasayang pagkakataong pinagsaluhan namin pareho. Yes, those were irreplaceable but the person itself, Hanya herself was the most important variable. I didn't want to lose a friend.

"Hanya, I think, we should talk," seryoso kong sabi ko sa kaniya.

She stopped checking the folder and raised her head at me. Her face turned colder and blander. Ang maliliit at singkit niyang mga mata na madalas ay punong-puno ng kislap ay singlamig ng yelo ngayon. I then thought again, lahat ba ng mga ipinakita niya sa akin ay hindi totoo? Umaarte lang ba siya all this time? Pinaniwala lang ba niya akong isa siyang kaibigan, all along, para lang mapalapit kay Joon? Si Joon lang ba talaga? Didn't she really consider being friends with me?

Naiiyak ako dahil sa sobrang panghihinayang.

I blinked at her just to wash the pool of tears away from my eyes. Yumuko ako para itago sa kaniya na sobra akong nalulungkot. At nang muli akong mag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya matapos kong maiahon ang nararamdaman ko ay saka pa lang siya nagsalita.

"Look, Emma-ssi, I don't want you to shove in my face that you got the man I like. I can't accept it… just why you? So don't expect me to still act nice around you." She irritatedly spat at me. Ibinaba niya ang folder na hawak niya at nakatitig na ngayon sa akin gamit ang matalim na mga titig.

That caught me off-guard. Bahagya akong napa-atras dahil doon at hindi makapaniwalang napatitig ako pabalik sa mga mata niyang kahit kailan ay hindi ko inaakalang kaya akong titigan ng ganoon katalim. I couldn't see the sweet and bubbly Hanya anymore. It was like she transformed into someone I didn't expect her to be. Someone too far from herself… someone too far from the Hanya that I used to know. But then, I thought to myself, again for the umpteenth time, I didn't really know her. All that she was showing me before were all just a part of her fake façade.

Ginawa niya iyon dahil gusto niyang mapalapit kay Joon… hindi ko gustong tanggapin pero iyon ang totoo. Na kahit kailan ay hindi niya ako itinuring na kaibigan. Na para sa kaniya, tulay lang ako, isang instrumento para mapalapit siya sa lalaking gusto niya… at si Joon iyon.

Naisip ko nga, kung hindi ba niya nalamang boyfriend ko si Joon, would she even resort on befriending me? Or would she stay just as my psychology project, civil and formal?

I didn't know.

"Hanya, Joon is my boyfriend even before we met…" I told her in disbelief. Sa tono niya kasi, parang sinasabi niyang bakit ako at hindi siya ang nagustuhan ni Joon… like, ganito ba talaga siya? This was really such a waste…

"I know, I know!" Umirap siya ngunit bumalik sa akin ang mga matalim niyang titig. "You know what, I don't wanna get friendly with you anymore. It's tiring. After this semester, I hope we don't cross paths again."

It was tiring.

It was funny how could she easily tell me how tiring were all these when I had been feeling such a waste for everything. Dahil hindi pa rin ako makapaniwalang… nagkamali talaga ako ng pagkakakilala sa kaniya. And as I was watching her retreating back with her long wavy brown hair, I couldn't help but smile sadly for a lost of friend, because despite everything, she was still a friend for me.

Isang malaking ngiti ang iginawad ko kay Hanya nang palakpakan kaming dalawa ng lahat matapos naming i-present ang project namin. Gaya ng napagplanuhan namin ay siya ang nagpaliwanag ngunit dahil group project pa rin ito ay dalawa kami ang sumalang sa question and answer. Luckily, pareho naman naming nasagot ang mga tanong na ibinato sa amin.

My smile vanished when she didn't even stare at me because after she bowed to the class, she already walked to her seat. Naiwan akong nakatayo sa harap habang pinagmamasdan ang likod niya. Hindi ko napigilang bumuntong-hininga. Hindi na talaga niya ako pinapansin. She really did turn into a total stranger. Ginaya ko na lang ang pagyukong ginawa niya saka nagtungo na rin sa upuan ko.

Nag-present na rin ang ibang mga kaklase namin, at sa loob ng ilang oras na iyon ay wala kaming imikan. Kahit nang mag-dismiss ay nauna siyang lumabas ng room nang hindi man lang ako nililingon gayong noon ay tuwang-tuwa siya palagi, hinihintay ako at kung anu-anong pinagkukuwento, madalas din niya akong ireto kay Won.

Kaya pala…

I suddenly missed my colleagues in the Philippines. I suddenly wondered how they were all doing. Alam na kaya nilang nasa SoKor ako?

Panigurado, wala ng kasabay si Quinn na kumain ng vegetables salad dahil sa aming magkaka-team, kami lang naman ang may parehong taste. Vibes kami, na kahit na manglibre pa ang isa ng meat sa cafeteria, doon pa rin kami sa vegetables. Sina Lea at Steph na mahilig sa K-Drama, walang araw na hindi sila nagchichikahan ng kung anu-anong nakakakilig na pangyayari sa mga pinapanood nila. Si Mary na palaging nagsusumbong sa akin sa tuwing nasesermunan siya ng head nurse namin. Si Dessa at Jaimee naman na parehong crush iyong head nurse doon sa Neuro department. At ang nag-iisang male nurse namin sa Cardio department na si Kuya Lor.

Miss ko na silang lahat. Sana lang inaalagan nila iyong kama ko roon sa nurse's dorm. Hindi ko na malamang iyon mababalikan pero kung may bago mang gumagamit noon, ang suwerte niya. Pinakabitan ko kaya iyon ng speaker para sa tuwing nagpapatugtog ako ng mga classical songs ay diretso na roon.

Though I hoped one day, I could see them again.

Nagtatakang pinanood ko si Joon habang hirap na hirap siya sa paghiwa ng green onion. I had never seen someone cut an onion with how the way he was doing it. Babaliktad ang barkong naglalayag kung hindi ko pa siya pipigilan. I could even clearly remember what he had told me while we were on our way here to his old shipping container house from our grocery shopping.

"I can cook. Sometimes, I help Jin cook our meals."

I knew that he wasn't bluffing about it because why would he? Though I just hoped he wasn't giving Jin headaches. Dahil ngayon nga na nagboluntaryo siyang tulungan akong magluto ng kakainin namin at nakikita ko ang paraan ng pagtulong na sinasabi niya ay sumasakit na ang ulo ko.

Sino… sinong matinong tao ang maghihiwa ng sibuyas ng nakabaliktad, nasa itaas ang flat na bahagi at ang bump side ang nasa ilalim, not to mention he was using the knife recklessly the opposite way… ang mapurol na side ang pinanghihiwa niya? Could you remind me again that he was the sexy brain of BTS, he was the leader of BTS that had a 148 IQ because seeing him now made me doubt it.

"Hey, stop it!" saway ko sa kaniya nang makitang hirap na hirap siya sa ginagawa. Itinigil ko ang paghahalo sa marinated meats na nasa transparent bowl para agawin sa kaniya ang kutsilyong hanggang ngayon ay pabaliktad pa rin niyang hawak.

He stopped and raised an innocent look at me. His small eyes were blinking in confusion as he stared at me. Bakit naman kasi napakaguwapo ng isang ito? Hindi na nga makatarungang talented siya at matalino tapos sumobra pa sa hitsura? Paano na lang ako kapag sikat na talaga sila…?

Kakailanganin kong magtiis sa libo-libong Hanya sa buong mundo.

"You can just sit there…" Itinuro ko sa kaniya ang couch na nasa likod niya. "And wait after I cook this," sabi ko saka iwinawagayway ang isang kamay ko na tipong inataboy siya.

"Why? Don't you want me to help you?" he asked, his lips protruding that revealed his deep dimple and tempted me with his crimson full lips.

"I do, but not with that ability. Does Jin ever let you cut ingredients?" takang-tanong ko habang iniisip na imposibleng hayaan siya nito gayong hindi nga siya marunong.

"No, he only let me wash the plates while he cooks," sagot niya.

I mentally face palmed. Hindi naman niya sinabing paghuhugas ng mga pinggan lang pala ang ipinapagawa sa kaniya ni Jin! Feeling ko naisahan niya ako! "You can't even cut onions properly! Now, go to the couch and let me cook in peace. I don't want to see you scathing yourself with that knife, give me the knife!"

At dahil mukhang sanay na siya sa ganoong pakikitungo ay tahimik niyang ibigay sa akin ang kutsilyo at nagtungo sa couch matapos niyang maghugas ng kamay. Nang matapos akong magluto ng Adobo, since wala nito rito, ay kumain na kami. Masaya akong nagustuhan niya ang luto ko kahit na aniya ay bago sa panlasa niya.

Sa mga sumunod na araw ay sunod-sunod na ang schedules nila Joon kaya hindi na kami nagkikita madalas. Nagsimula na kasi ang isang show nila para sa mga baguhang Korean Popstars. Though, consistent naman ang texting at calling namin pareho.

"Evah-ssi! Evah-ssi, wait!"

Nahinto ako sa paglalakad patungo sa gate nang marinig ko ang pamilyar na tinig ni Won. I stopped and waited for him to appear in front me that didn't happen for long. As usual, he sported his geek getup with his gelled hair and a hanging black messenger bag on his right shoulder.

"Are you going home, already?" tanong niya kaya tumango ako. Nitong mga nakaraang araw, napapadalas rin ang pagkikita namin ni Won, para bang pinunan niya iyong kawalan ni Hanya sa buhay ko though matagal ko na ring kaibigan si Won.

"Can I drive you home?" he asked.

"Uh, I don't wanna disturb you…" Umiling ako para tumanggi dahil hindi ko gustong istorbohin pa siya.

"What about I walk you to the gate?"

Hindi ko na tinanggihan pa iyon at pumayag na lang na sabayan niya ako hanggang gate. Yakap ang ilang mga regalong natanggap ko sa ilang mga ka-schoolmate ko ay tahimik akong naglakad patungo sa gate katabi si Won. He asked about the gifts that I answered honestly.

"From my uh, friends…" Hindi pa ako sigurado kung tama bang kaibigan ang isagot ko.

"Boys?"

Tumango ako.

"You have suitors?"

"No. They're not suitors. They are just too nice to give me… gifts."

Though, I would admit, I was bothered. Madalas mangyari ang ganito noon sa Pinas. Guys giving me gifts… turned out, they were courting me without even me knowing it. Kaya ipinapanalangin kong sana, sana iba rito. Nakakahiya rin kasing tumanggi sa mga ibinibigay nila. I had told Joon about this, he wasn't happy but I told him that I wouldn't entertain suitors… of course.

"That's good," ani Won na ngiting-ngiti.

Nang makarating kami sa gate ay huminto na kami pareho. Mahigpit kong niyakap ang mga dala ko at tiningala siya para magpaalam na ngunit laking gulat ko sa isinalubong niya sa akin… hindi ko inaasahan iyon. Pinatakan niya ng mabilis na halik ang mga labi ko. Ang mga mata ko ay agad na nanlaki at gulat na tinitigan siya nang lumayo siya sa akin. He stood proudly in front of me while smiling very widely.

Malakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko dahil sa sobrang gulat sa ginawa niya at nanigas na lang ako sa kinatatayuan ko.

"I've been wanting to do that—"

Won's voice came only a whisper to my ear.

"You bastard!"

And also someone's very familiar voice that never failed to drum my heart wildly.

I just watched everything, like a rolling disk behind a thick screen as a raging Joon came into my sight and immediately hit Won's face with his fist. Pinanood ko lahat na parang pelikula ngunit walang tunog. I watched as they bickered at each other soundlessly. I watched as Joon harshly pulled Won's collar and screamed at the latter but still no sounds came. I watched as it all happened in a numbing and deafening silence.

They were just like motion pictures in slow speed in front of my eyes, and when I saw Won glare at me as he turned to leave, I knew even without the sounds, the voices, the beat, I knew, I had lost again a friend.

I had lost Won.