XIII

Chapter Thirteen

Joon's passion was rapping, even before, he was young. Dumaan din siya sa pagiging amateur. He wanted people to hear his own music through the raps and songs he was composing. He was an enthusiast for those youths who had their lives twisted and had taken the wrong path of their lives. Gusto niyang ipakita sa mga ito na kung nagawa niyang tumayo sa sarili niyang mga paa at maging kung ano siya ngayon ay kaya rin ng iba.

He wanted to create inspirational musics through writing relatable songs and rap it to send those youths inspirational messages for them to get over every issues and problems they were facing. He also wanted to be the voice for those people who can't speak for themselves, he wanted to speak for people through his music. And I couldn't believe I was one of those youths… those people that had their life twisted and had taken the wrong path.

Hindi ko sinasabing mali ang daang pinili ng mga magulang kong tatahakin ko pero kung binigyan lang nila ako ng pagkakataong magdesisyon noon, hindi ko pipiliin ang daang pinili nila. I had my own dreams and there was a different path towards it, entirely far to be honest.

Sinulyapan ko ang oras sa suot kong relo. Mag-aala-una na pero gising pa rin kaming pareho rito sa simple niyang studio-type house sa loob ng shipping container. I didn't seriously know this could be a house.

Nag-enjoy ako sa pakikinig sa mga kuwento niya tungkol sa buhay niya, noong hindi pa siya trainee ng Bighit Entertainment, iyon ang pangalan ng entertainment na humahawak sa kanila. Hindi rin daw kalakihan ang kumpanyang iyon kumpara sa ibang entertainment companies na humahawak ng mga sikat na ngayong boy groups.

Here in Korea, popstars were called K-pop idols.

Ikinuwento niya rin sa akin ang mga hardships nila during their training, kung paanong sila mismo ang kumukumbinsi sa mga taong panoorin sila on stage… ng libre. I couldn't believe they had showcased their talents for free when I could see them showcasing their talent in all of the stages in the world with a lot of people… in the near future. Bilang leader, nasa kaniya siyempre ang pressure. Sa kaniya umaasa ang mga ka-miyembro niya. Sinabi rin niya sa akin kung paanong nagpapalit-palit siya ng mga ka-miyembro noon dahil parating umaalis ang mga ito bago ang debut at palagi siyang naiiwan.

I just hoped, his current members wouldn't leave him this time. Ako kasi ang nasasaktan sa tuwing naiisip kong nandoon na siya sa pag-aakalang maaabot na niya ang pangarap niya tapos biglang mawawala pala siya kaniya. I knew very well that feeling because I also had dreams, unheard dreams. Matagal akong nagtiis sa mga kagustuhan ng mga magulang ko at umaasang sa huli ay maiintindihan nila ako habang siya naman ay paulit-ulit na nabibigo sa pag-abot ng pangarap niya.

And now, we were both in the process of finally reaching our dreams. Just, how perfect that was?

Hindi ko pinanghihinayangang nagpuyat ako ng ganito katagal ngayon dahil bukod sa kasama ko siya ay marami akong nalaman tungkol sa buhay niya. I felt like I was much more closer to him than I was yesterday and I would want to get to know him more, I would want to discover more from him through the days we would be together.

I didn't seek bests and goods from him, because his flaws and all of his failures were what made him more lovable for me. Na handa akong tanggapin ang mga madidilim pang bahagi ng pagkatao niya. I would embrace him for who he was and for who he would be. That was the love I had come to meet. Unconditional and boundless love.

"So this house is…?" untag ko sa kaniya habang naka-upo kami sa couch at may mga beers sa mesa. Sinermunan ko siya nang malaman kong puro beers lang ang nilalaman ng refrigerator niya at wala man lang kahit na anong mas masusustansyang pagkain.

Really, beers and boys. Inseparable pair.

He reasoned to me that this place had become their hangout place. Mga lalaki raw sila kaya natural na may mga beers, plus they often party here. Seriously, may time pa ba silang pumarty?

"My family is living in Ilsan province and I had to go here in Seoul alone before for my dreams. I found this place while I was looking for a shelter but I had to leave this too because Bighit Entertainment has provided a dorm for us. I had lived here for months but I couldn't forget that somewhere in the past, I was cocooned here and peacefully doing my music," mahabang pagkukuwento niya sa akin.

Hindi ko tuloy mapigilang mapabuntong-hininga. That was why some things here were kind of old. Kasi matagal na pala itong bahay pero malinis naman ang buong paligid. Isa pa, kung dito siya nakatira noon at kung wala pa ring nagbabago sa arrangement ng bahay, malamang nagtitiis siya noon dito sa couch matulog.

Ni hindi nga siya kasya! Gosh, naiinis ako! Naiinis ako dahil wala ako noong mga panahong iyon! Wala ako sa tabi niya! Now that some pages of his past were being lent to me, I was seeing how vulnerable he was.

He was very strong outside, but he was too vulnerable inside. Gusto ko na lang yakapin siya para hindi na siya makaramdam ng lungkot.

God, I had never wanted to protect someone this much!

"There's no bedroom here and well, a bed…" I told him obviously. Mataman ko siyang tinitigan. Wala sa hitsura niya ang magtitiis sa mga ganitong lugar. He was a face of a man who had the silver spoon served for him. Kaya nakakagulat talagang nagtiis siya rito.

"Yes. But I have this couch…" Nagkibit balikat siya. Magbubukas pa sana siya ng isa pang bote… iyong natatangi at nag-iisang bote sa mesa na hindi pa nabubuksan nang pigilan ko siya.

"That's enough. We've both had enough," saway ko sabay hablot mula sa kaniya ng bote para ibalik sa mesa. Nakalimang bote na kami pareho ng soju. I had high alcohol tolerance at mukhang ganoon din siya pero kailangan pa rin namin ng limitations. "And why didn't you buy a bed before?" I asked him, I was still on that page of his past. Kahit ako ay hindi mapagtitiisan ang matulog sa couch na ganito.

"You're forgetting something, Madame…" He chuckled as he leaned on the backrest of the couch, the way he pronounced the last word sounded hard but very sexy. Nasa beywang ko ang isang braso niya kaya nagawa niya akong hilain palapit sa kaniya. I fell pliant on his chest, letting him wrap his one arm around me as I comfortably scooted closer to his side.

"I wasn't rich before, not like you, I had to keep up with what I only had. And mind you, I didn't need to sleep eight hours a night 'cause I often write lyrics, so this couch was just a companion," pagpapatuloy niya na para bang normal na gawain ng isang tao ang ginagawa niya noon.

Pinaningkitan ko siya ng mga mata habang tinitingala siya. "You're not doing that until now, are you?" Puno ng pang-aakusa ang tono ng tinig ko.

Gusto kong isiping mali ako pero kung noon ngang hindi pa siya popstar ay napakasipag na niya, paano pa kaya ngayong popstar na siya? He must be putting all his life and time for it. Though I couldn't deny that I had all—almost all of his time.

He again chuckled that I felt the vibration through his broad and cozy chest. "We better sleep now, Evah, you still have work tomorrow," aniya habang langhap na langhap ko ang pinaghalong beer at natural na bango ng bibig niya.

Yumuko ako at isinandal ang ulo ko sa dibdib niya habang pumupulupot ang isa pang braso niya sa akin. Niyakap ko rin siya pabalik. Mayamaya lang ay naramdaman ko nang marahang tinatapik na niya ang likod ko na para bang pinapatulog ako.

And I must say, he was doing it very right because my lashes were slowly falling.



I tensely tapped my fingers on the counter while looking at the door every five seconds. Umaasa akong makikita ko si Joon. Isang buong araw kahapon ay hindi ko siya nakita, ni hindi siya nag-ti-text sa akin kung anong pinagkakaabalahan niya, hindi siya lumitaw rito sa store, hindi niya ako hinatid at sinundo sa school.

Iniisip kong baka busy siya kahapon pero hanggang ngayon ay wala pa rin, maghahapon na at mayamaya lang ay papasok na ako. Nai-schedule na namin ni Hanya ang meeting namin, isa rin iyon, nangako ako kay Hanya na isasama ko si Joon.

How could I turn her down if she was all smiles asking me?

At ang pinaka-concern ko sa lahat, birthday ko na bukas. Hindi ko pa nasasabi sa kaniya ang tungkol doon pero siyempre, gusto ko siyang kasama. Gusto kong kasama ko siyang i-celebrate ang birthday ko.

I had texted him too but he didn't reply. Tinatawagan ko rin siya pero hindi siya sumasagot. His phone would only keep on ringing. Baka sobrang busy niya…

"Evah-ssi!"

Naglalakad kami ni Hanya patungo sa susunod naming subject since pareho naman kami ng schedule ngayon nang marinig ko ang pangalan ko at ang pamilyar na boses.

Lilingon pa lang ako nang lumitaw na sa harap namin ni Hanya ang masayang mukha ni Won, magulo ang buhok at bahagyang na-dislocate ang salaming suot dahil sa pagtakbo niya. Nakakapit siya sa laylayan ng backpack niya. He was wearing a white t-shirt beneath a sky blue polo that was opened all the way down, blue jeans and white rubber shoes.

He looked too cozy.

"I've been looking for you!" Won said, smiling widely. Inaayos niya ang suot niyang salamin habang hinihingal pa.

"Why are you looking for me?" kunot-noong tanong ko dahil wala naman akong maisip na rason kung bakit niya ako hinahanap.

"Yah, Emma! You know Chae Won?" Biglang singit ni Hanya na nagpagulat sa akin. Hindi ko na pinabago sa kaniya ang paraan ng pagtawag niya sa akin. I didn't want to offend her though she had been offending me.

Mabilis ko siyang nilingon. "You know Won?" balik-tanong ko habang iniisip kung gaano kaliit ang mundo para makatagpo ako ng mga taong magkakilala pala, sa lawak ng school, specially.

"You know me?" Tinabunan ng nagtatakang boses ni Won ang iniisip ko. Nang nilingon ko siya ay nagtatakang nakatitig siya kay Hanya na para bang pinag-aaralan niya ang mukha nito at iniisip kung nagkita na ba sila.

Ngumuso ako. They were unconsciously speaking English while talking to each other. Not that I didn't like it, it was actually in my advantage because I didn't need to have headache with their alien language, it was just that I found it funny.

Mabuti na lang talaga at nakakilala ako ng mga taong marunong sa Ingles dito.

"Yes. Aside from I know that you're the son of the owner of this university, I often see you at business conventions my parents were dragging me into," paliwanag ni Hanya sa takang-takang si Won, not only filling up Won's confusion, but mine's also.

Nalaglag ang panga ko nang marinig ko ang mga sinabi ni Hanya. May mas kagulat-gulat pa ba sa magkakilala sila? Yes. Won happened to be the son of this university's owner! Seryoso? Bakit hindi ko alam?!

Stupid, Evah. You didn't ask him!

"Ah, yeh? I'm sorry, I don't know you," ani Won sa pinakamarahang tono kaya hindi naman siya naging offensive.

"It's nothing. I just really happened to know anyone." Hanya giggled, that I mentally agreed.

Ngumiti lang si Won kay Hanya bago siya humarap sa akin nang may mas malapad na ngiti. Pakiramdam ko, isa akong source of light para magningning ng ganyan ang mga mata niya. May kaibigan ba itong taong ito?

"Evah-ssi, should I walk you to your next class?" untag niya sa akin.

Napatitig ako sa mukha niya. Right now, he was kind of reminding me of those guys in college back in the Philippines who were trying to hit up on me… but Won's way was too innocent. Feeling ko ang hirap niyang i-turn down.

Sasagot pa lang sana ako kay Won nang bahagya akong itinulak ni Hanya na naging dahilan nang pagkasubsob ko kay Won. Mabuti na lang at nahawakan ni Won ang magkabilang braso ko para hindi ako tuluyang matumba.

"Ooops, mianh!" natatawang sabi ni Hanya nang marahas ko siyang nilingon dahil sa ginawa niya. "Let's go!" She just shrugged, smiling widely before walking past us.

Humingi muna ako ng tawad kay Won bago kami sumunod kay Hanya. I was sure, Won wasn't hitting up on me. I was sure he was just worried since he knew me as new here. Isa pa, likas siyang mabait. For being a son's owner of this university, he was so humble. Ni hindi niya ipinagmalaki sa akin ang estado ng buhay niya.

Iyon malamang ang dahilan kung bakit madali lang siyang nakakuha ng slot sa night shift. Pansin ko ring mukhang hindi alam ng mga estudyante rito ang tungkol doon.

"Hey, I think Chae Won likes you…" Bumulong sa akin si Hanya sa gitna ng klase habang nagpapaliwanag ang professor sa harap.

Nagpatuloy ako sa pag-ti-take notes. "That's impossible. He's just nice," hindi tumitinging sabi ko sa kaniya at diretso lang sa harap ang tingin habang patuloy na nagsusulat.

"You know, his family is known for following the tradition of fixed marriage. He has met girls but none of them he got interested with," pagpapatuloy niya.

Nahinto ako sa pagsusulat at matagal na napatitig sa notes ko. Mayamaya ay nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya at kunot ang noong tinitigan siya. Seriously, for a pretty girl like her, she sure knew a lot!

"Don't look at me like that, I'll tell you." Yumuko siya sa akin bago humarap sa professor para hindi mahalatang nag-uusap kami. "My parents have been offered the same by the Chae family but my family isn't fond of those traditions so they took down the offer," pagtatapos niya habang nag-mi-make face.

Fixed marriage maybe so old fashioned in our generation nowadays but not when business was concerned. Marami pa ring mga negosyante na dinadaan ang merging through marriage, through connecting two people from both of sides of the companies.

Hindi na bago sa akin ang fixed marriage na iyan dahil uso rin naman ang ganito sa Pilipinas at parehong negosyante ang mga magulang ko. I had encountered heirs and successors but luckily, my parents were more concerned about building me into a Degree Doctor than pushing me into a fixed marriage.

Somehow, I thanked my parents for that. Kasi kung hindi sila ganoon, baka noon ko pa naisipang tumakas kung maisipan man nilang ipagkasundo ako. I believed that was worst…

Nang matapos ang klase ay nakabuntot pa rin sa akin si Hanya. Nagpasalamat akong natigil na siya sa kakakuwento tungkol kay Won ang kaso ay bumalik na naman kay Joon ang tongue interest niya.

"Will RM fetch you?" she asked me as she hugged my one arm.

Lihim akong bumuntong-hininga. Hindi pa rin nag-ti-text ang lalaking iyon kaya hindi ko alam kung susunduin ba niya ako. Baka naman may guesting sila? Pero nag-ti-text iyon kahit na ganoon. Hahanap iyon ng paraan para maka-text ako. Nag-aalala na ako sa totoo lang.

"He's busy," simple kong sagot kay Hanya.

"Why? They have a broadcast? I heard they will be having a show for rookies. Is that it?" sunod-sunod niyang tanong na mukhang walang balak tantanan ako

I pursed my lips. I didn't know about that. Mas may alam pa si Hanya kaysa sa akin. Hindi ko naman kasi sinusundan si Joon sa social media since I was no longer using my social media accounts. Mata-track lang ako ng mga magulang ko kapag ginawa ko iyon. Hindi ko na sinagot si Hanya dahil nakarating na kami sa gate. Kailangan na naming maghiwalay mula rito since magkaiba kami ng inuuwian.

She happily waved her hand before walking out of my sight. Naiwan akong nakatitig lang sa daang tinahak niya. Iniisip ko kung ako ba ang nagkukulang? Did I need to follow him on social media just to know every activities they had? Hindi ba sapat iyong texting and calling?

Habang tinatahak ko ang daan patungo sa village namin ay iniisip kong pagdating sa bahay ay gagawa na ako ng panibagong account sa social media. Gagawin ko lang ang bagay na ito para masundan ang mga ginagawa ni Joon.

Napangiti si Elli nang mamataan niya akong papasok ng store. Nasa counter siya, as usual, at may inaasikasong customer. She was wearing the usual uniform but her cap was missing that was why her short blonde hair was very visible.

"Unnie!" She happily squealed the moment I reached her. Sakto rin namang tapos na niyang maasikaso ang customer. I also let her call me what she wanted to. Hindi naman masama iyon dahil mas matanda naman talaga ako sa kaniya.

"How's the store?" I casually asked her. Bahagya kong nilingon ang pinto nang marinig ko itong nagsara dahil sa paglabas ng customer pero mabilis na naagaw ng isang itim na itim na Audi sa labas ang atensyon ko. Hindi iyon nag-iisa dahil may dalawang pang parehong sasakyang nakasunod dito.

Not always na may mga sasakyan sa village na ito. This wasn't actually a neighborhood of rich people. Kaya hindi na rin ako nagtaka na pinagtitinginan ng mga taong dumadaan ang mga sasakyan plus it was kind of congesting the narrow one-way road.

"Fine! Already you eat?" sagot sa akin ni Elli habang sinusubukang magsalita sa Ingles.

Ibinalik ko sa kaniya ang atensyon ko para lang makitang hindi pa rin kumukupas ang pagkakangiti niya. Naalala ko tuloy si Ryu sa kaniya. Pinipilit din ng batang iyon na mag-ingles maka-usap lang ako.

"I actually came here to buy a meal…" Saglit akong napahinto nang maalala ko si Joon. I was thinking of asking Elli if he had gone here while I was at school but then I shook the idea away. Hindi kilala ni Elli si Joon, kung kilala man niya since isa itong idol, hindi naman alam ni Elli ang tungkol sa amin ni Joon at hindi pupunta si Joon dito nang wala ako…

"Okay!" She beamed at me.

Tumalikod na ako para magtungo sa fridge kung nasaan ang mga cooked meals. Dahil sa lalaking iyon, tuluyan ko nang inalis sa sistema ko ang pagkain ng noodles. Mabuti na rin iyon dahil hindi naman healthy iyong noodles. Pagbalik ko sa counter ay dala ko na ang meal na bibilhin ko. Abala kami pareho ni Elli nang marinig naming bumukas ang pinto ng store. We both turned to it.

My mouth went ajar at the fine and elegant entrance of an old couple. Sa likod nila ay ang ilang grupo ng mga kalalakihang nakasuot ng asul na polo at pare-parehong walang ekspresiyon ang mga mukha. The setup and the elegance looked familiar. Super familiar. The couple were both wearing elegant clothes, with those Prada bag and Rolex watch I was seeing. The bodyguards behind them were keeping the atmosphere more intimidating and intense.

Para silang mga politician na napadpad dito.

I remembered my uncle Severino who was a senator in the Philippines having at least ten bodyguards around him wherever he went. Though, our family was also guarded with men, but not this much. May tatlo akong bodyguards noon in my nearest perimeter.

Ang matandang babae ay busy sa kakamasid sa paligid samantalang natagpuan ng mga mata ng matandang lalaki ang mga gulat kong mga mata.

Being acquainted with my heart, my eyes pooled, my knees weakened and my lips quivered. Like I said, I was a spoiled brat. Kapag pinapagalitan ako ng mga magulang ko noon at nasa bahay ang grandparents ko ay madalas sila ang takbuhan ko. They would scold my parents, that either from my parents' side. And I couldn't believe what—who rather, I was seeing now. Parang… parang gusto kong maiyak at isumbong sa kanila ang lahat ng mga paghihirap ko rito.

"L-Lolo!" My voice broke. As if having its own thoughts, my feet ran towards them as I hugged my grandfather so tight when I reached his arms.

Yes, my grandparents were here. At hindi ako makapaniwalang nandito sila. They weren't living just around the Asia, they were based in Europe, in Bergen, Norway to be specific. Mas close ako sa grandparents ko sa father side na parehong namayapa na pero malapit din ako sa dalawang ito.

Humikbi ako nang maramdaman ko ang yakap ni Lolo pabalik sa akin. Isinubsob ko ang mukha ko sa dibdib niya at mas lumakas pa ang hikbi ko.

"Manuel is too dumb to let his daughter alone in this country. I can't believe they did this to my granddaughter!"

Hindi pa nakatulong na narinig ko ang galit na boses ni Lola. I couldn't forget that they always got on my side whenever I was having an argument, even little arguments with my parents. Parating ako ang tama para sa kanila kahit na minsan, ako ang mali.

"Let's go back to the Philippines, apo…" Banayad ngunit malalim ang boses ni Lolo habang hinahaplos ang likod ko at malakas pa rin akong humihikbi.

And it just made me cry even louder.

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