"Nathan, could you pass me that blanket?" I asked, my voice barely audible above the gentle lapping of waves against the shore.

He turned to me, concern etched across his face. "Are you cold? We can head back if you'd like."

I shook my head, managing a weak smile. "No, I'm alright. Just a bit chilly. The breeze, you know."

Nathan nodded, reaching for the tartan blanket we'd brought along. He draped it carefully over my shoulders, his touch lingering momentarily. I leaned into him, grateful for his warmth, his presence.

We sat silently, watching the sun slowly dip towards the horizon. The beach was quiet, save for the cries of a few persistent seagulls and the distant laughter of children building sandcastles further down the shore. It was peaceful, beautiful even, but I couldn't shake the heaviness in my chest.

"I've missed this," I murmured, more to myself than Nathan.

"What's that?"

I gestured vaguely at the scene before us. "This. Being outside. Feeling the sand between my toes, the wind in my hair."

Nathan's arm tightened around me. "You'll have this for as long as the treatments work."

"About that," I interrupted my heart racing. This was it—the moment I'd been dreading and putting off for days. I took a deep breath, steeling myself. "I've decided to stop the treatments."

The words hung in the air between us, heavy and final. I felt Nathan stiffen beside me, his breath catching in his throat.

"What?" he whispered, his voice laced with disbelief. "Beth, what are you saying?"

I turned to face him, taking in the confusion and fear in his eyes. My brave, wonderful Nathan. My fiancé. The word still felt strange, even after a month. How could I explain this to him? How could I make him understand?

"I'm tired, Nathan," I began, trembling slightly. "So bloody tired. The treatments... they're not working as well as we'd hoped. And I can't... I can't do it anymore."

Nathan shook his head, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. "But we can't give up. There might be new treatments, clinical trials. We could look into alternative therapies-"

"I've looked into everything," I said gently, reaching out to cup his cheek. "I've talked to my doctors, done all the research. The cancer hasn't spread yet, but... I don't want to wait until it does. I want to go on my own terms."

I gestured down at my frail body, barely recognisable as my own these days. "I can hardly get out of bed most days. I'm in constant pain. I can't eat, can't sleep. This isn't living, Nathan. It's just... existing."

He grabbed my hand, holding it tightly between both of his. "But you can't just give up. We're supposed to get married, remember? We have plans, a future."

The pain in his voice cut through me like a knife. I blinked back tears, wishing I could take away his suffering. "I know. We're still going to get married, just earlier. And I'm so sorry. But I need you to understand Nathan... I'm not giving up, I'm just choosing how I want to spend the time I have left."

Nathan was quiet for a long moment, his gaze fixed on our intertwined hands. When he spoke again, his voice was barely above a whisper. "What are you saying, Beth?"

I swallowed hard. This was the hardest part. The part I'd been dreading most. I took a deep breath, willing myself to be brave. "I've spoken to my doctors about... about assisted suicide."

Nathan recoiled as if I'd slapped him, dropping my hand. "What? No. Absolutely not. Beth, you can't be serious."

"I am serious," I said quietly but firmly. "I've thought about this a lot, Nathan. I don't want the cancer to kill me. I don't want to waste away in a hospital bed, pumped full of drugs, unable to recognise you or my family. I want to decide when I go. On my terms."

He stood up abruptly, pacing back and forth in front of me. I could see the tension in every line of his body. "This is mad. You're not thinking clearly. The pain, the medications - they're affecting your judgement."

I shook my head, fighting to keep my voice steady. "No, Nathan. I've never been more clear about anything in my life. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of being afraid. I want peace."

He stopped pacing, turning to face me with tears streaming down his cheeks. "And what about me? What about your parents? Are we just supposed to accept this?"

My heart ached at the pain in his voice. "I know it's not fair. I know I'm asking so much of you. But please, try to understand. This isn't just about me being tired or in pain. It's about having control over my life - and my death - when the cancer has taken so much else from me."

Nathan sank back down onto the sand beside me, his shoulders slumped in defeat. "When?" he asked, his voice hollow.

I reached out, tentatively taking his hand. He didn't pull away, which I took as a good sign. "I'm not sure yet. Soon, I think. I... I wanted to make it to my birthday, but that's still a whole month away, and I don't know if I can..."

My voice trailed off as a wave of exhaustion washed over me. Even this conversation, as necessary as it was, had drained what little energy I had left.

We sat in silence for a while, watching the sun sink lower in the sky. The beach had emptied now, leaving us alone with the sound of the waves and our own haunting thoughts.

"I don't know how to process this, Beth," Nathan finally said, his voice rough. "The thought of losing you... sooner than I thought, it's unbearable."

I leaned into him, and he wrapped his arms around me, holding me close. "I know," I whispered. "I'm scared too. But I'm more scared of suffering, of losing myself before the end. I want to go while I'm still me, while I can still tell you how much I love you."

Nathan's body shook with silent sobs, and I felt my own tears falling. We cried together, mourning the future we'd planned, the life we'd never get to share.

When the tears finally subsided, Nathan pulled back slightly, cupping my face in his hands. "I don't agree with this, Beth. I can't. But... I love you. And I'll be here, whatever you decide. You won't go through this alone."

Relief flooded through me, and I sagged against him. "Thank you," I breathed. "I love you so much."

As the last rays of sunlight painted the sky in brilliant hues of orange and pink, I found myself thinking about the future - not the one we'd planned, but the legacy I could leave behind.

"There's something else," I said, breaking the silence. "One of the reasons I want to do this... I want to be able to donate as much as I can. My organs, my tissues... anything that might help someone else. If I wait too long, if the cancer spreads, I won't be able to do that."

Nathan nodded slowly, understanding dawning in his eyes. "You always were thinking of others," he murmured, a sad smile playing on his lips.

"It gives some meaning to all this, you know?" I said, gesturing vaguely at myself. "The thought that even though I'm dying, I might be able to save someone else. Give them a second chance."

We fell into silence again, the sound of the waves filling the space between us. The first stars were beginning to twinkle in the darkening sky, and I found myself thinking about all the nights we'd spent stargazing, dreaming of our future together.

"Do you remember our first kiss?" I asked suddenly, turning to face Nathan.

He nodded, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. "How could I forget? It was sort of awkward."

I laughed softly, the sound almost foreign to my ears. "It was cute though. The way you confessed your love for me."

"Yeah, but then you abandoned," Nathan said, his voice warm with the memory. "Ran away, leaving me all alone-"

"Hey!" I cut him off. "That's rude you know."

Nathan's arms tightened around me. "I know, I'm only kidding though. That was a lot for you to deal with on top of everything else."

I felt tears prickling at the corners of my eyes. "Do you wanna know something?"

He looked down at me, raising an eyebrow.

"If it was possible... I'd love to paint the sky for you."

Nathan shifted, tilting my chin up so I was looking at him. His eyes were wet, but his smile was genuine. "You do, Beth. Every day. Just by being you, by fighting so hard, by loving me... you paint my whole world."

We sat there for a while, not saying much. The beach had gone quiet, just the sound of waves and the odd seagull. I was knackered, but I didn't want to leave. Not yet.

"I should tell my parents soon," I said, breaking the silence.

Nathan squeezed my hand. "Want me there when you do?"

I shook my head. "No. I think it's something I need to do alone, you know?"

"I understand," he said, his voice firm. "But if you need me, I'm there."

A gust of wind made me shiver. Nathan noticed straight away.

"We should get going," he said, starting to stand up. "You're cold, and it's getting late."

I tugged on his arm, keeping him put. "Not yet," I said. "Just a few more minutes. I want to remember this."

He sat back down, pulling me close. I shut my eyes, trying to take it all in - the salty air, the sand under my feet, Nathan's arms around me.

"I'm scared," I whispered.

"Me too," Nathan replied quietly.

"Not of dying, really," I added. "More... leaving everyone. Hurting them."

Nathan was quiet for a bit. When he spoke, his voice was thick. "Losing you will be hell, Beth. But watching you suffer... that'd be worse. I don't like your decision, but I get it. And I promise, I'll be okay eventually."

I turned to look at him. Even in the dark, I could see the love he had for me in his eyes. I leaned up and kissed him softly.

"I love you," I said. "More than anything."

"I love you too," he whispered. "Always."

As we sat there, holding each other, I felt oddly calm. Whatever happened next, we'd face it together.

I looked up at the stars one more time and smiled. "I promise to paint the sky pretty for you, my love."