MAYA'S POV:

"I HATE THAT DAMNN BRAT!!"
I've been ranting about the same thing to arsh on call.

"Well yes i know i have heard that countless of times , i am now getting tired of listening to the same thing for MORE THAN FREAKING 15 MINUTES" , He scolded.

"Tchhh , then where is your fucking brain? I am here to get some advice and you are just sitting there quietly" , i competed.

"I WOULD IF SOMEONE HERE GIVES ME A CHANCE" , he taunted.

Well true, my bad.

"Look , you may not have realised this but you keep thinking about him , doesn't matter with what intentions." , Arsh told me.

"Intentions?" , I asked.

"Well you know like when you say you are getting irritating by him or whatsoever , yet he doesn't leave your mind....not that you have one but you get what i am trying to say right??"

"Fortunately you are the brainless idiot here but yes it's true" , i claimed.

"Exactly so why not give him a actual chance?" , he adviced.

"NO!!! FUCK NO" , i shouted and cut the call immediately.

THIS IS SO NOT FAIR!! JUST BECAUSE I KEEP THINKING ABOUT HIM DOESN'T MEAN THAT I LIKE HIM.
I KEEP THINKING ABOUT FOOD TOO .....Uh well i do like food though.

BUT WITH PEOPLE !!!ITS DIFFERENT.

I know it.
I know.
Maybe.
I think.

Or maybe not.

I don't understand why i am so persistent of not agreeing with this.
Technically , even arsh is right.

Though love isn't real.
It's just a illusion and i don't want to get stuck in it.
I never loved.
I can only feel it.

I--i never loved somone.
Probably not even myself.

Well--i love myself knowing i can write beautiful things , i love myself when i get that perfect satisfaction by killing.
I love myself when i buy books.
But .....
I don't think i ever loved myself without that.

I have flaws.
A lot probably.
No one has ever taught me anything.
Not loving , hating , no nothing.
I always taught myself everything.
Everything--that i could.

Hence , i lack.
I cannot know everything.

I--i was a child.
Children are taught by others.
No one taught me anything.

It's always hard.
Hard connecting with people.

My phone buzzed , it's a text :

"You keep thinking about me?" , Abhijeet texted.

AGHH i even have my phone hacked ofcourse he heard everything!!

Though--i don't understand this.
I should just open up.
This is getting too mixed in my head.
It's gonna burst out soon which will be worse.

I opened his text and started typing ,
"I am sorry for being so incapable of not even being able to open up , I don't know why you say that you love me...i haven't done anything for you to fall in love with me. I don't even know how you know me. Let me cut it inshort , i don't know if i can return you whatever you give me , i don't know if you'll even like me when you get to know everything of me but yes i do think of you a lot of times. At first , i used to hate it but then again...truth is truth. "

Clicked on the send button.
He saw it immediately.
I don't know what he'll make of it but i feel a little good now.

He is typing.
I don't know how i should feel right now.

"I say i love you because i really do love you. That's the entire point , you not doing anything yet making me fall in love ... imagine how great we'll be when we both come in together. Even if you decide not to date me , I'll keep loving you and you don't even have to return it." , His text said.

He should definitely mean it.
If he demeans his words , surely he'll be dead.

Another text :
"I know your dark past and present too.
I am perfectly fine with you. Infact , I'll be great with you , I'll be the finest male with you. I have seen your dark side but now i want to see the shining one....just to keep falling for you"

Wetness in the eyes , not being able to speak ...this signs are now enough for me.
I guess i can be loved.
I just didn't knew it.
His words express a lot.

Though let me warn him.
"What if i break your heart?" , I replied.

"What if you don't?" , He asked.

"Still--what if i do?" , I asked again.

"Then I'll love you with the pieces" , he said.

Now this is a lot for me.
I threw the phone on the bed.

I stood near my window , looking at people , doing their work.
Some are closing their shops , parking their car , kids walking together with their parents.

Something i never experienced.
Something i never wished for.

Friends laughing together.
Which i never did.

Not cause i didn't want to but because there was no close friend to me except arsh.
I do laugh with him , i fight with him , i do--kinda love him.
Ofcourse as a friend.

He is dear to me , since many years.

Probably now it's time for me to set my inner walls a little low and let someone enter in.
It's probably my time to meet new people and give them chances.

What are you so afraid of maya?
Getting your heart broken??
You saved yourself when you were entirely shattered.

And me being held back for just a heart?
That's no unlike me.

I still can't believe i was in such a stupid delusion.

I hurted aaron a lot. I disrespected him a lot.
Yet--yet he was so sure of me.
I wasn't.
Why?
Just cause i don't know him?

He always expressed himself.
Even in front of everyone.

Why am i the only one who wasn't able to express myself?

Yes , i have decided , I'll date him , I'll give him the chance he deserves.
Even if he does reject me after that , I'll just assume that i lacked something he thought I'll have.

Even though I'll be a wound to his absolute heart.
I want to try , just to see if we actually can be together.
I want to count on the minimum chance we have.
Clearly , he is giving me a lot of reasons to love him.

The least i can do is try.
So i guess i shall.

But i must be the one to ask him for date...i should be the one to make him feel good now.

"I know i am a little late but wanna go on a date?" , I texted him.

He didn't saw it immediately.
Ofcourse he must be busy.

I closed the app and the phone buzzed.

"Pick the call" , he said.

He called.
HE CALLED.
That would be our first call for good.

I picked up.
"Yoo" , he said.
His voice is kind of---
Was he asleep??

Did i disturb him?
I didn't reply him.

"Can we go on a date tomorrow?" He took a pause and continued,
"It's our first date and i want it to be--astonishing and unforgettable for us", he said.

"Depends" , i said.

It depends where we are going.

"I know , it's a surprise for you but trust me it'll be worth it" , he said.

"I see"

"I'll make every second worth" , he added.

I know you will.
Ofcourse you will.
I get it.

"The surprise better be good", i told him.

"It'll the best"

I guess and i hope.

"Alright at what time?" , i asked.

"I'll pick you up myself after college"

"I'll see you tomorrow then" , i said.
"Looking forward to it..
Bye love" , he said and cut the call.

Is he actually in the loving stage?
I am going to get a heartbreak or what?

I called arsh.
He is going to get a mini heartattack soon.