Zachary North

It was half past four in the afternoon when I went out of my room freshly bathe. My head still hurts from all the crying last night.

I went to the kitchen and opened the cupboard for medicines and took a paracetamol to ease my headache.

"So, how are you feeling?" I heard Olivia from behind and faced her.

"I'm nursing a headache." I answered her gloomily and drank the remaining water in my glass.

She sighed then linked her arm to mine and leaned her head on my shoulder.

"That's quite normal. Crying cause headaches. Also, you haven't eaten anything since yesterday, Zac. You're fridge has nothing in it too, so I took the liberty to shop you for your groceries and ordered you a take out from your favorite japanese restaurant." She smiled at me proudly.

I raised my brows and gave her a teasing smile.

"When you said you grocery shopped, I hope you knew what to buy. I mean, I hope when I open my fridge it won't be full of random grocery items." She slapped my arm and rolled her eyes at me.

"I know what to buy, you moron! And Nick accompanied me." She took out the food one by one from the paperbag and put it on to the plates, then went to the microwave and reheated the ramen.

Thank God the noodles and the other ingredients were separated from the broth or else I will be eating a soggy ramen today.

"Oh. You mean to say YOU accompanied Nick to grocery shop for me." I teased her even more to which she showed me her middle finger.

I chuckled.

When she opened the microwave, the smell of the ramen immediately filled the entire kitchen which made my stomach growled loudly.

"I'm famish." I mumbled as I took a sit on one of the stools by the counter.

"That's why I ordered a feast." She placed the ramen, yakisoba, a variety of sushi, and chopsticks in front of me and I didn't waste a time to dig in.

"Pace yourself, piggy, it's all yours." Olivia commented and I just ignored it. I'm way too focused on eating right now than to listen to her comments.

Actually, I was already awake by 1pm awhile ago. I just didn't have the energy to move because I was thinking of what happened last night.

I finally admitted what I've been scared of the most, but why does it not relieve me yet? They said that when you finally let it out, you'll feel relief. Like a torn was pulled out from my chest.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I felt relieved already by voicing it out and admitting to myself, but the inner peace still isn't there.

"Closure." I heard Olivia spoke.

I furrowed my brows and looked at her. She was looking at me with her assessing eyes and repeated what she said.

"Closure, brother."

I still don't understand.

She sighed.

"That's what you need. You need closure. To whom? I don't know but I most certainly know that it's not Erin." She explained but I still can't grasp what she's telling me.

"Livy, I-I don't know what your tal---"

"The thorn in your heart is still there, brother. You still don't feel relieved even if you already admitted what you bottled up inside you. It's as if something is still not right and feels not right within you. Like something's still missing that you needed to confront with." She enunciated and imagine the shock in my face when she said those.

How?

How in the hell she knew everything? From me being a coward until what I am feeling right now?

"That's because I've already gone through it, Zachary." She said and oh my God.

Does she know how to read minds?

"No, I don't know how. But I can read your lips and I can hear your voice. You said it out loud, brother." She smiled at me.

Oh. Okay. I thought she could read my mind. If she did, it is demasculinizing. She'll know everything I am scared of.

Wait, didn't she say she'd gond through this already? When? How did I not know this?

"When?" I asked.

"Since I was a child. I'm not deaf, brother, and my eyes are very good at reading lips. You know, I won in whisper challenge when Jowee, Erin, and I did it. They treated me with---"

"When did you feel these things? Why didn't I know any of this?" I interrupted her because she's telling me things I didn't care to hear at the moment.

"Oh." She chuckled then continued, "Since mom's death. You know, I thought accepting her death would free me from all the unwanted loneliness and sadness I was feeling. For all these years, I thought I was fine but I thought wrong. Admitting to ourselves our issues is one thing but confronting them is another thing. By confronting them, Zac, you'll feel the inner peace you're seeking." She smiled.

"For all these years, I busied myself with my charities, parties, shopping, and being a bitch. It was fun though, but when I came home to my apartment, I felt empty and hollow. It's when sadness creeps in. I thought it was normal, you know, because I'm all alone in my apartment. But it wasn't."

She paused and gauge my reaction. When I nodded for her to continue, she spoke again.

"Then, Niccolo and Dylan came. They gave me tremendous happiness, they gave me a sense of belongingness. For a second though, I thought that was what I was looking for. Yes, of course that was what I was looking for, but the sadness is still there. I couldn't seem to pin point what it was until I confronted it. And that's when I knew that I needed closure to start anew."

"And brother, you needed that. To free you from all the sorrows inside you." She said then stood up and took her bag with her.

She hugged me and kissed both of my cheeks.

She then pulled me towards my front door and halfway through it, my doorbell rang.

Great, Niccolo's here to fetch here.

"Seriously, Olivia? You'll leave me hanging like this?" I whined before I open the door.

"Yes, brother. Because you need to confront it by yourself. Just remember, let it out, let it all out." She gave me a smile that has lots of meaning behind it. That says, it will get over soon.

I sighed and shook my head.

I still don't understand.

As I opened my door, I saw Nick's smiling face and I stilled.

Not because of his smile but because of someone beside him.

"Dad?" My voice came out hoarse when realization hit me that my father is here.

To what?

"Zachary." He called my name lovingly and smiled. But the sadness in his eyes is evident.

"Daddy." Olivia proceeded to hug our dad and squealed. Dad chuckled and kissed her temple.

"Nick and I will be leaving now. Goodbye." She waved her hands at us and Nick also bid his goodbyes at us.

I let my dad inside my apartment and he then sat on my couch. This is the second time he came here, the first time was when I held a housewarming party eight years ago. Normally, we would always see each other at the company or we go to the manor to visit him.

"Do you want anything? Coffee, perhaps?" I asked but he shook his head.

"I'll just have some water, son. All these walking makes me exhausted. It's hard to be old." He chuckled and went to the console table were various pictures were displayed.

As I was walking towards him, I saw him staring at the our family picture. It was taken in Disneyland where we celebrated Olivia's 10th birthday. We were all wearing those characters hat or headbands because the birthday girl wanted us to.

"I remembered when Livy threatened me that she will trash my whole room with glitters if I didn't wear that Goofy Ears Hat she insisted on mom buying for me for her birthday." I groaned while remembering how embarrassing it was for me to walk around Disneyland with that green hat with long ears on me.

"At least you're wearing a hat that can cover your face." Dad commented with a chuckle. I looked at his picture and saw that he was wearing a Hades Light-up headband, which is a headband with blue hairs stuck up.

"Oh yeah. I remembered it now. Mom was the one who chose that for you. I remembered that three days before Livy's birthday, you had a fight with her. Oohh. That's classic." I laughed remembering Dad's reaction when mom gave that headband to him.

"Yeah, she said that it fits me perfectly." Dad smiled and looked at mom smiling beautifully with her sequined minnie mouse headband.

Livy on the other hand chose the Disney Princess ear hat with a small tiara in the middle and a sequined mouse ear on either side.

"However, it may be embarrassing to walk around with that kind of hat or headband, it was worth it. My family had fun, even you, who detested that hat." Dad laughed but it immediately replaced by longing.

"That was the last time we had so much fun with your mom. The next year, that's when she was diagnosed with brain cancer."

Yes, it was actually six months after Livy's birthday when she felt an extreme and frequent migraine almost everyday, she vomits every morning or felt nauseated, she forgets things, and got confused with everything that's around her.

At first we thought she's pregnant but when they test it, it came out negative.

Mom set it aside despite Dad's attempt to get checked up by a doctor, because she thought that she was just entering early menopausal stage, as she was 45 years old then.

But then months later, she had her first seizure. It was in the car while we were on our way back to the manor from our family dinner. Dad was driving, she's beside him, and both Livy and I were at the back seat.

We rushed her to the emergency room and tests were made. As we were waiting for the results, Livy was crying beside me and kept on asking me if mom will be alright. I kept telling her that she will be but more to myself. Dad on the other hand was a wreck.

He kept threatening every doctors and medical staffs if something were to happen to her in their hands. He was an emotional wreck so I willed myself to be strong for them, for our family.

Then, the result came out. Mom has a brain tumor and it needed to be taken out. The surgery went successful thank God, but three days after the surgery, she had seizures again.

That's when the doctors diagnosed her with brain cancer.

When we heard it, everything crumbled down in our family. It killed our family's happiness, it killed Dad's, mine, and Livy's happiness.

But mom was adamant for our family to be back to normal, to be as is. To ignore her cancer and to live just like how we lived before.

We can't but we tried, for her sake.

Seeing her not being her usual bossy and cheery self, kills us --- especially dad.

He was devastated to the point that we almost lose our company. He was adamant to take care of mom by himself and did not care about everything and the company. The shareholders were starting to lose confidence in him and that they're planning to oust him as the CEO.

That's when I stepped up and took control of everything. I used dad's name and forged his signatures to approve every projects I saw has a potential for our business. I was only 17 that time and it was scary for me. There were lots of what ifs but in the end it all came out good.

It went on for a year until Dad caught me. He didn't get mad at me though, he actually told me to continue whatever I am doing and even made me Chief Operating Officer of NGC, at 18 years old.

Of course there were lots of disagreement from the shareholders but Dad stood his ground, and I too. Since then, I worked and studied simultaneously until I had no more time to think about mom's illness.

"I'm sorry, son." Dad spoke after a while of silence and tapped my shoulder with his palm.

I looked at him and tried to conceal the sadness inside me but it was too late, he saw it already.

"Because of my emotions and grief, I neglected you and your sister. I pushed you two away from me because of my loneliness. I let you be responsible with your sister and our company. I'm sorry, son. I'm so sorry." Dad apologised and a tear rolled down his eye.

For a second there, I panicked because Uncle Eriq, dad's doctor firmly told us to not stress him as he already have a weak heart.

"No. Dad. No. No. No. No. Stop this. It's not your fault. Nothing's your fault." I said to him but he shook his head.

"It is, son. I should be the rock my two children can lean on in those times, but what did I do? I chose to runaway from my responsibilities because I was busy licking my wounds. A father should be there for his family but when Emilia died, I was the first one to abandon you two. I made you feel that you two aren't my priorities. I'm so sorry, Zachary. I'm so sorry." He apologised again.

I could see it in his eyes how he hated himself for leaving me and Livy.

"Dad, I swear, I'm not mad at you. Livy was but me, I wasn't, because I understand you. Believe it or not, I understand what you're going through." I told him because that was the truth. I was old enough to understand everything that's going on.

"That's the point, Zachary. You know and you understand. Which is why you're scared. You're scared to be in love. You're scared that it will happen to you. You saw how hard it was for me to lose the one I love and you love, thus you didn't want that to happen to you. You're scared to feel the same sadness again. The sadness of losing someone dear to you forever." Dad said.

Every word was pierced my heart --- it was spot on. Like the emotions I bottled up this year were turned into words by my Dad.

That I was scared to experience it again with the girl I am in love with.

"I knew what happened between you and Erin in Livy's 18th birthday."

As if what he said about my realizations was not shocking enough he dropped a bomb.

I looked at him like he had grown another head and I swear I couldn't seem to find words to tell him.

"H-how?" I asked silently.

"I know everything that's going on with my two children. It's not only Livy I am monitoring, it's also you, Zac. I know that you liked Erin for quite some time now and that you're afraid to pursue her because of Livy and your fear. I also know that you were the one who beat Erin's ex-boyfriend when they ended their relationship."

What?! How did he know everything?

"I may seem to be a negligent father, but I still care for you both. You were already in the right track, son, successful, renowned businessman, but emotionally, you're on the wrong track. I tried to fix it but then you started to chase her. I thought you were already okay and have already accepted and came to terms with your fears but I was wrong."

"Love scares you and makes you happy. But it greatly scares you, for your own and for Erin's happiness." Dad said and I nodded in agreement.

"Dad, losing someone is hard. Until now I'm still grieving about mom's death, and it's been ten fucking years already. I don't happiness in me because I already lost it. How can I give happiness to someone when I don't have it in me?" I asked him and a tear rolled down from my eyes.

I quickly wiped it with the back of my hand and avoided to look dad.

I'm still not used to be seen crying nor be exposed with my emotions.

"Zachary, happiness is a choice. It is you who controls it, not someone. When you're with Erin, for the past four months, did you feel hollow, sorrow, loneliness, and sadness?" He asked and I shook my head.

"Those four months were perfectly blissful for me. It was the first time I felt genuinely happy these past years, it's not something forced nor fake.What I felt were wholesome." I answered dad with a smile.

"Because you're living the moment, Zac. That is what happiness is. You only live once. That's the adage young kids live by today, meaning, do the things that made you happy, as long as you don't hurt someone. Stop overthinking things and start living, my son. Don't be me. Don't dwell on the past and don't let it hinder you in moving forward. It's what your sister taught me, son. That I needed to move forward to be happy."

"Emilia's dead, and the mourning never stopped. But I still have both of you. That's what I overlooked these past few years. It's okay to mourn but it's not okay to continue your life with mourn and sadness. We don't hold the future, but we can make the most out of it and live in the present. Hence, we only live once."

"You live your life where Erin is part of it. You live your life free from all the things you're scared of. Live in the present, son. It's what makes you happy." Dad said and he's right.

I shouldn't let my fears hold me down. I should face them and fight it off so I won't live my life in sadness.

But there's only one problem.

I hurt her.

I hurt Erin. I made her feel low and cheap. I told her hurtful words and neglected her. I don't think she'll forgive me.

"But dad, I don't think Erin will forgive me. I hurt her so much." I told dad and remembered her face when I left her after we made love.

Shit. I was an idiot.

"Have you tried already?" He asked and I nodded.

"No, son. You haven't. Asking for forgiveness requires best effort and a clear mind. Look at Niccolo, for months, he never stopped seeking your sister's forgiveness until he proved himself to her."

Yes, Niccolo managed to melt Livy's heart because of his efforts and love towards my sister. His sincerity and love towards my sister made up his mind to pursue my sister again. And with that, I commend his efforts.

"But what Erin and I had was different, dad. I hurt her so much to the point that she loathes herself. I don't think she will forg---"

"Then don't apologise, move on, and let her have Mason or someone to take care of her. You look for another woman and move forward."

By the mention of Mason's name, my blood boiled. I remembered how touchy he was with Erin in Sky's wedding.

"Never in my life will I let someone take my place in Erin's life. Never!" I growled and fisted my hand.

"Then you know what to do, Zachary." Dad patted my back and stood up.

Hello, loves!!!

A brief survey, do you want Erin and Zac to end up together? Please comment.

There were a number of PMs I received here in Wattpad that says they don't want Zac to end up with Erin.

Though this will nog affect my storyline, I just want to know if you're pro-ZE (Zac-Erin) or not.

Anyway, what are your thoughts? Please comment and vote.

xo,
kimmypatata