Erin McAfee

Have you ever felt that someone or something's drilling your head? Like someone wants to cut open your head and take your brains out.

Well, I'm experiencing all that right after I woke up. I tried to remember everything happened last night but I couldn't and when I looked around after I opened my eyes, I was in my bedroom.

A lone tear quickly escaped my eyes when I remembered how he scurried away after he used me and heard that I love him.

I snorted as I thought about how those three simple words could scare away a person. And how those three simple words could make a person who said it feel so disgusted and low.

Love. How did I experience love in a very negative way? It hurt me so bad to the point that I let it took my smiles and laughters away.

That I let Zac took everything away from me.

Now, even sleeping here in my own room he took it away from me. These pillows and duvet that he used was still here as if mocking me on how I lost my self respect.

Why hadn't I threw these away? I should've thrown everything!!!

I picked up the pillow he laid on and threw it across the room. Next, I stood up and took the duvet and threw it across the room but it got stuck on something so I tried to remove it harshly but it's futile and it made me irritated and I screamed in frustration. I diverted my sight to the lamp beside my bed and threw it across the room while still shouting hysterically. The lamp had a loud thud and the bulb shattered around my room.

But I wasn't satisfied though because the duvet was still not coming off the bed. So, I went to my dresser and grabbed the two perfumes Zac had given to me and threw it across the room. I didn't fucking care now if it would thrash my room, I just want rid everything that's associated with him.

Now on to the fucking duvet again. I circled around my bed and tried to disentangled it but it's as stubborn as the son of a bitch. I shouted and shouted until a pair of arms enveloped me to a hug.

"Erin, shhh. Erin please stop it. Please." This time I was uncontrollable, I kicked and punched my bed not caring how hurtful it was.

All I could think of was I wanted to get rid of everything that made me stoop so low.

"Erin, please. Please don't hurt yourself. Please, sweetie." I heard the person whispered behind me while still hugging me to prevent me in further assaulting my bed.

"No!!! I hate him! I hate him! I hate myself!!!! Get off me." I cried harder and kicked even more until I have no more energy to do it.

After about five minutes of silence, I harshly removed the arms around me and stood up while still of course weeping.

"Stop hurting myself?! I am sane enough to not hurt myself! That jerk! He hurt me! He fucking hurt me! He made me feel so low!!!! I gave everything to him my love, my heart, myself, and my self respect, but what did he do? He took it and crushed it infront of me and stomped it. Now tell me, I was hurt enough by that fucking jerk, why would I hurt myself even more?!" I said to Jowee and was about to grab the other lamp but she halted me by holding my hand.

"Erin please stop. Calm down for a bit please. Since last night I saw you in your car crying so hard, please stop it. Please. He's not worth it." She said and tried to sit me on my bed but I didn't falter.

I stayed standing because I didn't want the bed to touch me as it brings back the painful memory.

I ran around the other side of the bed and shook my head furiously.

"Erin come on, sit down first--- Erin oh my God, be careful! What if you stepped on the shard glass---"

"No!!! I will not touch anything in this room!!!!! This is dirty! Everything in here is dirty, Jowee! Dirty! Dirty! DIRTY!" I was scratching myself to rid all the dirt I have accumulated since I've slept here last night.

But for the second time she held my hand to stop me from scratching myself.

"No! Don't touch me Jowee! I'm dirty!" I cried harder again and didn't let her touch me so I backed away but before I can move, I felt her palms on my cheek.

She slapped me hard and that's when I stopped moving. I was rooted to my place and it kinda calmed me down a bit.

"Erin, calm down please. Please stop and listen to me, sweetie." Her voice broke and I could see unshed tears in her eyes.

I nodded at her and begged, "Please let me out of this room. Please Jowee, I beg you." I said and she nodded them she helped me out of my room carefully to not step on the shards of glasses littered around my floor.

As we went to my living room, she sat me on my couch and got me a glass of water to drink.

I took it and drank half of it.

I was looking at nothing when she spoke.

"Are you ready to talk about it?" Jowee asked cautiously.

Am I? Should I tell her? Am I ready to tell anyone what happened?

30 minutes had passed and I still didn't utter a single word. I mean for half an hour, I was only looking at nothing and my mind went blank for I didn't want to venture to that painful memory.

That was the only way I know to stop myself from thinking about that night.

"You know, Erin. Whatever happened to you and Zac, I'm always here for you." Jowee said.

"I know just don't make me sleep in that room again." I replied.

"I will be taking a bath Jowee, I feel dirty sleeping in that room." I said and she nodded.

"Okay. I'll prepare you some breakfast, okay?" I nodded at her and went to the other room to get ready.

Half an hour later, I was combing my hair in front of the mirror with tears streaming down my face.

Sleeping in my room made me remember everything that had happened that night. The raw emotions I was trying to bury deep down my brain and heart.

Zac, why did you have to do that to me? Why did you hurt me?

I wept and wept silently until I felt Jowee's arms again.

"Cry it out, Erin. Just cry it all out. I'm here for you, sweetie." I cried harder on her arms and hugged her tightly.

I cried away my emotions in the hug and I didn't care if I ruin her shirt or what. Being with someone to cry on was a breathe of fresh air. I feel like she's taking half of my sorrows away.

"Thank you, Jowee." I hiccuped and pulled myself away from the hug. She then wiped my tear streaked face with her palms.

"You're welcome." She smiled at me sadly and hugged me again. This time, I stayed on her arms longer until I got the courage to tell her everything.

"We had sex in that room." I heard her gasped and pulled me away from her. Her eyes were wide as a saucer and her mouth were wide opened.

"And I told him I love him right after." I scoffed.

"Then, he immediately left me three weeks after, he waited for me in the parking lot and broke up with me." I laughed aloud like a maniac.

"Funny, right?" I asked her while laughing so hard.

For the millionth time today, Jowee hugged me but this time, it was so tight I couldn't grasp any air.

"Oh Erin, you should've told me earlier." Jowee choked and I felt a drop of tear on my shoulder.

Was she crying? I looked at her and she was indeed.

"It's okay. I'm fine now. Let's just get over it." I said.

"Let's tell Livy."

"NO!" I rebuked loudly.

"I don't want Livy to know about this. Besides, she has nothing to do about this. We're done now, Jowee. Zac and I were done now." I added.

"But I believe she has the right to---"

"I said no! So don't be annoying, Jowee!" I interrupted her and she sighed.

"Fine. But promise me you'll talk to me about everything and don't bottle it all up. You need to let out all those negative emotions or it'll eat you up alive. Please Erin."

I nodded at her weakly and hugged her again.

"Come on, let's eat breakfast. You were asleep since 4pm yesterday." She told me and I smiled to her.

It's nice that I've told her already even if it wasn't the whole story-- I felt a little light.

***
It's been a week since I have told it to Jowee and for the past days, she have slept beside me every night and kept cheering me up.

Since that day, we never have spoken about it we just hung out and eat a lot. Nothing has changed though but Mason.

That same day, I received a message from him apologizing to me about thoughtlessly coming to our table and introduced himself. Since then, he kept messaging me asking me if I was okay, if I was eating properly, or how did my day went.

I never replied to him though but I didn't blocked his number. It's rude to do so especially that he didn't do anything wrong to me.

I wasn't still in the mood to face him but when I am, I will return the money he bid on me.

I was put out of my reverie when I heard a knock from my door. I looked at it and it was Edna, my boss.

I smiled at her and stood up to give her a hug. I directed her to the couch of my office for us to sit there.

"Do you like tea?" I asked her as we sat.

"I'm fine, dear. I came here to tell you that for this year's National Book Club Conference, we chose you and Josie to be the company's representatives this year. So, next week, both of you will be flying to Atlanta, Georgia " She paused and I smiled widely.

"Oh my God! You're not joking, right?" I held both of her hands and a hopeful glint were present in my eyes.

"I'm not, sweetheart. You and Josie deserve this." She smiled at me and I hugged her tightly.

Geez. Ever since I started working here, I dreamt of being PSI's representative in a book convention. And now, it's finally happening and the best part is, I'm with my close friend.

"Oh my God, thank you so much, Edna! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!" I hugged her again and kissed her cheek to which I earned a chuckle.

"You're very much welcome, Erin. You deserve this." She said and stood up I followed her to my door and thanked her once again.

Once my door was shut, I gave out a muffled squeal and went to get my phone to call Olivia and Jowee.

As expected, they were both happy for me and that Jowee and I will be celebrating later tonight. She told me that she will be making her famous chicken biryani and her chocolate lava cake for our dinner tonight.

Oh how fun!!!

Tonight's dinner was, hands down, the best one I've had for the past weeks. My mood surprisingly been lifted up and my gloomy expression seems to went away because of Edna's news today.

"I'm glad you're genuinely smiling again, E!" I heard Jowee said while I was unloading the plates from the dishwasher.

"It's been my dream, Jowee. I'm so happy to hear that they thought of me to be one of the representatives of our publishing house. Do you know what this means?" I looked at her and she shook her head before she drank her red wine.

"It means aside from showcasing our company's notable works and upcoming books, I get to meet the authors from around the country or the world. It's exhilarating, Jowee." I explained happily to her.

"Well, you deserve it, Erin. I mean I was not that shocked when you got it because you're one of PSI's treasured jewels. So, hun, how long are you going to stay there?" She asked.

"Three days and four nights. The conference will be held for two days while the third day is rest day for us, all expense were paid by our company." I informed her and she nodded.

"Alright. Since you're going to Georgia, and it's summer, you need to pack chic and elegant summer clothes." She wiggled her brows at me and I shook my head.

"Silly."

"Whatever. You know, let's start packing now. Come on..."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, why I was regretting to let her help me pack.

I mean I like the matching tweed dress and blazer but the color. It screams attention. My God! I know it's summer but...

Ugh. Nevermind. I've rocked this coords the whole day so I'm fine with that.

"So, Erin, I'm sorry I can't join you on tonight's dinner." Josie said as we went to the lobby of the convention center.

"Yeah? Why?"

"I have a date with a guy." She winked at me and I laughed.

"Oh. Alright. Fine by me. So, I'm guessing you're not going to the hotel with me?" I asked because a guy was waiting behind her which I guessed he's the man she's talking about.

"Yup. See you later, E!"

"Enjoy!" I bid my goodbyes and went to the car.

As I was driving, I thought abut going to a mall and do a little shopping. I mean why not? I'm feeling myself today, I guess I'll have to thank Jowee for that for packing this coords for this trip.

Right after the third shop, my phone rang and I looked for it into my bag, now, as I was holding two huge paperbags, it was kinda hard to get it out from my bag while walking. But when I successfully got my phone from my bag, I bumped into someone and then just like in movies, I saw a brown liquid spilled on to his shirt.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry." I looked for a napkin inside my bag to wipe the stain on the shirt but I was halted by the voice.

"Erin?"

I looked up and saw a smiling Mason in front of me.

I furrowed my brows at him for a second waiting for my brain to tell me that he really is Mason Cooper, the one Jowee and I met at Ladureé.

"M-Mason?" He sighed a relief and smiled when I finally uttered his name.

"Whew. Good gracious, I thought you already forgot about me." He chuckled nervously and fixed his collar.

"I'm sorry for that, I wasn't looking." I apologized to him.

"It's fine. I'm okay. At least my coffee was not that hot or else I would be suffering a 1st degree burn." He joked and I looked at the stain in his white shirt.

Shit!

He's wearing a white shirt.

My God!! Erin why did you have to be so careless?

"I'm so sorry, Mason. I really do. Well you know what, let me buy you a shirt for my repayment." I said to him because that's the only way I can make up to him.

"As much as I want to spend time with you buying me a shirt, I'm afraid I can't because I'm in a hurry. I have an urgent meeting in..." He looked onto his wristwatch and continued, "five minutes in that restaurant. Maybe you can repay me for some other time, perhaps dinner later tonight?" He suggested and I squinted my eyes at him.

"No." I answered and was about to walk away when he spoke again.

"You know, I'm meeting a potential japanese client for our oil industry today. If I showed up late and/or a shirt with a spilled coffee, I might not get the deal."

I looked at him in disbelief and sighed.

"Then explain to them that a woman accidentally spilled their---"

"You know they won't ask. Erin, if I don't get this deal, my father will kill me." He cut me off and I sighed.

"It's not my problem anymore, Mason. You just explain to them what happened and---" before I could finish my sentence he looked behind me and his expression became scared immediately.

I looked behind me and I saw an old japanese man walking towards us in anger.

"Mr. Cooper, you made me wait. I told you I hate tardiness. And look at you, are you seriously going to meet me in that." He said in his thick Japanese accent and angrily pointed Mason's shirt.

"Mr. Yamamoto, I'm sorry. I was actually on my way---"

"No! You could've come earlier. I've been waiting for 30 minutes. I shouldn't have come here. You're just wasting my time." The old japanese guy walked and Mason tried to stop him with his explanations.

Uh-oh... What have I done?

I walked towards them and called Mr. Yamamoto.

"Excuse me sir, I'm sorry but it was actually my fault. I spilled his coffee to him and---"

He interrupted me. Geez this man... He kept on interrupting someone.

"I don't care. I already said it. This is the end. Tell Andre, your dad, that you won't get this deal from me. You can find other companies out there." He said angrily and walked away.

"Erin, it's fine. You may go now." Mason dismissed me and ran after Mr. Yamamoto.

As I looked at their backs, I could see the tension on Mason's shoulder while chasing the old man.

Oh my God. This is my fault.

Ugh. Now he's not getting a deal with him because of my stubborn nature. My god what have I done to the poor man?

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