Erin McAfee

"So, how are you and Zac? You look so blooming and fresh. Have you surrendered your flower to him already? Hmm?" Jowee wiggled her brows while eating her French macarons.

"What the hell?! Jowee!!!" I threw the pillow beside me on my couch at her and the bitch evaded it.

"What?! I was only asking. You looked so different these days. So, have you two had sex already?" She asked again.

I groaned.

Why did I have this kind of friend?

"No we haven't. Now, can we change the subject? Olivia might hear us." I said trying to close the subject because the sister was only outside my balcony talking to Dylan trying to calm him down because apparently, Niccolo didn't buy him the Star Wars' lightsaber for kids. According to him, he has already lots of toys that wasn't even opened yet so it was just a waste of money to buy him another toy.

Now, Dylan was throwing a huge tantrum and kept calling Olivia's name. She's been calming him down for like 10 minutes now.

"Why can't you just tell her that you and her brother are technically dating? I don't get why you're making this a secret." She asked and rolled her eyes at me.

"Jowee, it's not yet time, you know. We have to test the waters first before we announce it to everyone. I mean, Zac is right, we have to get to know each other more." I answered her.

"I understand, but it's been a month since you two are secretly dating. Have you two not yet gotten known each other in that span of time? I mean, you two technically known each other for like 10 years now, thus you need not another month to 'get to know each other'." She air-quoted the last part.

"I know, but that's what he wants. I also want to tell Olivia but Zac told me that he's not yet ready to tell this to her. So, I am respecting his decision." I said in a hushed voice so that Livy won't hear anything I had said.

"Fuck his decision. If I know, he's just making an excuse because he's afraid to tell it to his sister. Or he's not sure about his feelings towards you." Jowee said in irritation while grabbing the Pistaccio flavored macaron.

"I don't think that---" I immediately halted when Livy went inside my living room from my balcony.

"Who's not sure about his feelings?" She asked and I stilled, I panicly looked at Jowee for help and thank God she did.

"Dylan's feelings. He's already in the toddler age where he's easily swayed by everything he sees." Jowee explained and I silently hoped that Livy would accept the explanation. So, when she nodded and ate a whole Macaron, I sighed in relief.

Thank you, God for saving me tonight.

The whole night, we chatted about everything, we gossiped, updated each other from our lives, and pigged out.

Until Livy started to notice my so-called glow.

What the hell? Why does everyone keep mentioning that? I don't see the glow in my face.

"Alex has that effect on you, huh?" Livy added.

"What? No. I told you, I don't have a lot of work these days so I had time for myself. Why does everyone keep telling me that and associate it with someone?" I groaned.

"Because babe, you looked so radiantly beautiful and it screams someone's behind it. Now, tell us who's the lucky guy, if it wasn't Alex." She explained but all I could think of was the endearment she said, 'babe', that's what Zac calls me and everytime I hear that, butterflies in my stomach were in havoc and I was always---

"Blushing hard. Who is it, Erin?!" Olivia squinted her eyes at me and I stilled thinking hard if I said it out loud. But I didn't, right? Because if I did, she would've known who was it, right?

"Erin, stop blushing so hard, tell us who's responsible with your current look. Geez, are we keeping secrets with each other now?" She asked impatiently and I looked at Jowee for help but she just shrugged telling me clearly that she won't help me this time.

Oh my God. Should I tell her now? But Zac and I agreed that we will tell it her together. Geez... What would I tell her? Should I or not?

"You know what, fine. If you didn't want to tell us, it's fine by me. Anyway, I have to go it's getting la---" She was taking her purse and was about to stand up from my couch when I cut her off.

I have to tell her something because grouchy discontented Olivia is the most difficult to deal with and everyone knows her knew it. It's better if she's mad at you but being the former, all hell would loose.

"It's someone but not Alex." She looked at me in confusion then nodded to me to expound more.

I took a deep breath and sighed.

"I can't tell his name to you yet. We agreed to make this between us first before we tell it to anyone, be it our friends and families. We're only dating for a month now and we're getting to know each other quite well. So, I'm very sorry if I couldn't tell you his name yet." I apologized to her and her facial expression got softened and she smiled at me.

"See, it wasn't that hard, right. I understand that you two are getting to know each other and being only in just a month of dating, I totally understand where you're coming from. What I just couldn't understand was that why did you think that we'll force you to tell his name to us? You know that we respect each other's privacy, right? We may be quite intrusive sometimes but we still value our own privacies."

"It's enough for us to know that you have someone now but we're still expecting you to tell that man's name to us." She strictly said on the last part and smiled at me.

I nodded weakly and returned her smile at me. She then sat beside me and hugged me briefly.

"You fucktards, don't leave me out!" We heard Jowee then I felt another set of arms around me.

"Thank you." I said in small tone.

"What's with the shy tone all of a sudden?" Jowee commented after we removed ourselves from the hug.

"Shut up." I snickered playfully.

"Hey, Erin, what about Alex? Does he know? I mean, I knew from Nick that he's still giving you bouquets of flowers and stuff and sending you voicemails even if he has a hectic schedule and even got extended for a month. Have you told him already?" Livy asked and I shook my head in shame.

Shame because I didn't have a heart to tell him over the phone. I mean I tried but nothing came out, but I tried to tell him to stop sending me gifts and whatnot because it isn't a friendly gesture anymore.

It may be a vague explanation but I hoped that time that he grasped the underlying meaning I wanted to convey. As per Zac, he knew that Alex was giving me flowers but I told him that I already made it clear to him, Alex, that we're only just friends.

Ugh. I so hate my situation right now.

"Girl, you should tell him to stop, that you're seeing someone now." Livy told me and I only sighed.

"That's what I told her." Jowee quickly joined in the conversation. I warned her to stop through my eyes because Livy would think that I told Jowee first before her. She would be batshit angry at me for leaving her out.

"Erin, if you didn't tell him that and let him discover on his own that you're dating someone else while kinda entertaining him, he will get hurt thrice as much." Livy reasoned out again.

"I told her that already." Jowee interjected again. Livy just looked at her flatly then turned her attention to me again.

"Also, think about what would that mystery guy thinks when he knew that you're kinda entertaining another guy aside from him. It may not be the case but that's what he would think of when he knew that someone's sending flowers and whatnot to the girl he's dating with." Livy added.

"That's exactly what I said to her also." Jowee, again, commented. I mentally cursed her because what if Livy got the hint that she knew everything already.

I'll be damned!!!

"Then why the fuck are we still talking about this when you have said it all already? And why the fuck does she still do it when you have said it all already?" She said in irritation and I was on the edge of my sit because in any minute now, Livy would realize that I had told Jowee first.

"Whatever, Olivia. The point is, Erin, those were the only way. You have to tell them both and that you have to suck it all up. One way or another, someone's feelings has to get hurt and it would be bearable for that person if it came from you personally, not them finding it out by themselves. You gotta have to choose, girl." Jowee explained and I nodded.

"It may be hard, but you really have to tell and/or confront both of them. I could tell that this has been eating you up." Livy added.

I smiled to both of them and thanked them.

Now, I made up my mind. I'm going to call Alex tomorrow and tell him to stop sending me any gifts. Even if it costs our friendship, I will risk it just to not further lead him on and make him hope more.

I looked at the two bitches in front of me fighting over who gets the last Pistaccio macarons. They were having a staring contest so I took it a chance to take what they're fighting over with and popped it in my mouth.

They both gasped and glared at me. I laughed out loud after I swallowed it. Then, they both went to me and hit me with pillows.

And that's how we ended our night.

I still thank God though for not letting Olivia realized that Jowee knew about my secret way before I told her.

***
I was watching an episode of The Big Bang Theory (TBBT) in Netflix when I heard my doorbell rung.

I hissed and paused the screen. Who the hell is this annoying person be? It's past 9 in the evening already.

When I looked at the video intercom, my hear beat faster when I saw the man of my dreams smiling widely in front of the camera. I immediately hair combed my hair and checked myself in the mirror. When I was certain that I looked presentable, I opened my door wildly and giddily.

"Zac!" I hugged him immediately upon opening the door to him.

Then, I smelled liquor on him.

"Are you drunk?" I quickly removed my hug to him and looked him on his face.

He shook his head while smiling.

"Nope. I just had a couple drinks with Neil and Sky." He said and kissed my forehead.

"Oh. Okay. Come in." I said and he sling his arm on my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. In return, I placed my left arm around his waist then we walked towards my living room.

"Oh, you're still watching that?" He asked in amusement. He knew that I was obsessed with this series and I always rewatch this whenever I feel like it.

"Yup. Have you had dinner already?" I stood in front of him and the arm that was on my shoulder was now placed around my waist.

He shook his head and pouted.

"Nope, I wasn't hungry but now, I kinda am. Do you want us to order some takeouts?" He asked me.

I widened my eyes at him and spoke. "What? It's already past nine in the evening and you're still not having dinner? And you even drink a hard liquor when your stomach is empty?!"

He chuckled.

"It's no biggie, babe. I'm used to it, actually. So, you wanna order something?" He asked and I sighed then I brushed the stray hair that fell to his forehead.

"No need. I'll cook for you, if you could wait a little bit. Anything on your mind?" I asked concern still etched on my face. He traced my left under eye area with the pad of his thumb. His eyes were so full of appreciation at the moment so it kinda eased the worry in me oh, and don't forget the boyish smile he has on his face.

"I'm fine with anything and I can wait for it." He said as he snuggled his head on my shoulders and hugged me tightly.

I caressed his head and spoke, "Alright, make yourself at home. I'll just cook a chicken steak so it's faster, hmm?" I said to him in small tone while caressing his hair. I felt him nod but he didn't removed his hold to me.

"Zac, come on, you need to release me so I can cook for you." He looked at me and I swear I saw a hint of sadness in his eyes but he quickly concealed it by kissing me. The kiss we shared was a different one from all the kisses we've shared this past month.

Tonight, I could feel sadness and dull somber mood in it.

What is going on?

I immediately broke the kiss and looked him in the eye, I cupped his cheek and roamed my eyes in his face.

"Zac, are you---"

"Hungry. Famished, actually." He smiled at me but it didn't reach his eyes.

There's something going on about him and he's trying to avoid it, however I will make sure that before this night ends, I'll know what it is bothering him.

"Okay. Just sit on the couch and watch whatever you want, here." I pushed him gently so he could sit and I gave him the remote which he took gladly.

Then, I went to the kitchen to start cooking. Good thing, I defrosted the chicken breasts awhile ago for my lunch prep tomorrow. I took all the ingredients and started cooking.

I could hear from the kitchen that he continued to watch the episode of TBBT.

After awhile, I was done cooking and I took the plate, pitcher of water, and glass to him on my living room and served it to him.

He thanked me and ate the meal heartily. He kept on telling me how delicious my food was but that didn't helped him for me to notice that he's not okay tonight. I knew he was aware of me staring and observing him that's why he kept commenting about the food and/or Sheldon being a Mommy's boy.

So, when the episode ended and when he finished eating, I turned off the tv and confronted him.

"Is this where you're going to announce that you're calling it the night?" He joked but I just stared at him flatly, when he realized that I was serious, he sighed.

"Today's Mom's death anniversary." He announced after a while and I widened my eyes and looked at the calendar and saw that today's 16th of December. It's Emilia North's 10th year death anniversary. Today's the day half of the North's family light and life were taken away by the deadly brain cancer.

This is where the starting point of change in the North's family life.

When I heard it, I quickly held his hand tightly and he squeezed it welcoming my offer of consolation.

"Every year, I drown myself either with work or with alcohol to forget the day Mom left us." He looked at me and his eyes were full of sorrow and distress upon mentioning the word left.

"I mean, don't get me wrong, Erin, I was done mourning about her death but the grief is still here. I couldn't stop asking myself what if Mom's still here, would I still be this jerk and uptight of a man I am? Would Olivia be known as the spoiled brat North princess? Would Dad have a heart condition? You know, only mom can maintain all of us. She's the only one who can manage all of our attitudes, whims, and whatnots. She was our magnet... The one who brings us back to our right track, the one who knows what is or isn't good for us." He smiled sadly.

But I could still feel how heavy the weight of longing and sadness he's carrying through his voice. I thought that he had already moved on with his mother's death but turns out, he's just as stuck as Olivia and Tony are in Emilia's memories.

"You know, she's just like Sheldon's mom, Mary Cooper, in TBBT. She's our kryptonite, she's kind, loving, thoughtful, caring, wise, and sweet-natured and beautiful woman. But don't be fooled with her looks though because most of the time, she's wittingly bigoted when it comes to family matters and work. In spite of that, she provides the attention and wisdom to us four." He was looking at my vase on the coffee table but you can see that he's reminiscing the memories he had with his mother.

I placed my arm as well as my head on his shoulder to give him comfort.

Silence quickly engulfed us for a minute until he spoke again. Which made my heart ache for him.

"I miss my mom, Erin." That was the first time I heard him so sad and broken. Gone were the confident arrogant businessman look he has almost everyday. Now, he's just a broken Zac that missed his mom.

We looked at each other and he quickly wiped the tear on my face. Oh my, I didn't know I was crying.

"Zac, since when did you keep this inside you?" I touched his cheek. His eyes became hard again wanting to conceal everything.

"Doesn't matter." He chuckled but I wasn't having it.

"This doesn't work on me. When?" I asked sternly with a straight face.

"Erin, I don't think it's---"

"When?!"

"It's late I should go home now." He tried to stand up.

"No! You sit down and tell me. It's clear that this has been eating you alive. Now, sit!" I pulled him to sit down and thankfully, he didn't protest.

He just sighed.

"Erin, this isn't a big deal. I shouldn't have said it in the first place." He said in a slight distress.

I took a deep breath. I could see that this is hard for him, but he needs to let it all out.

"Zachary, you know, you can confide in me, whether it's about your feelings or just some trivial things. I will always be here to listen to you." I said sincerely and cupped both of his cheeks.

Surprisingly, he smiled at me widely. Traces of sadness were gone immediately.

"Okay. Thank you, baby."

And with that, he closed the gap between us and kissed me passionately.

Hello loves,

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