Chapter 19

We once had a moment
That now feels so broken
How have we came to be so lonely?

~Nathaniel's Lyric Journal

AFTER NAPPING AT DAVID'S PLACE, DAVID DROPPED ME BACK TO MY HOME.

My body ached from what happened last night and the thoughts of Elise. Dad yelling at me when I got home made didn't drag down my mood.

I had to bit my inner cheek to hold back the smile as I showered the remnants of last night off. This felt like the old me. I wasn't the depressed kid from New York who couldn't smile even with a gun pointed at my head. I felt more like my old self, making stupid mistakes and paying for it the next day.

I got out of the shower with a small smile on my face. I put on a black shirt I found folded on top of my drawer and some jeans. I looked in the mirror, messing my hair a little before settling on the look. There were faint dark circles below my eyes, the only piece of evidence of last night, but besides that, I felt...normal.

I left my room and headed towards the basement to quickly clean up the mess from last night. Before Dad could lecture me about drinking, I slipped out of the house to meet up with Angela.

Angela texted me that she wasn't ready yet and to just meet her at her house. I focused on walking to her porch, ignoring the fact that Elise was probably going to be there. Elise didn't respond to my message since then, which was probably for the better.

I tried not to think about her face or the tantalizing kiss, pushing it as far back in my mind as possible.

Maybe Elise might open the door.

Before I could chicken out, I pressed the doorbell. I heard some light footsteps before the door opened. Angela peaked her head, a smile appearing on her face when she recognized me. I smiled back, even when I had to force it because I thought someone else was going to open.

"Hey. I have I'll be ready in a few minutes, but come in," Angela greeted me, pushing the door open wide enough for me to come in.

"Hey thanks," I said, looking around the room.

I never thought much about where Elise lived, but it seemed nice.

There was something furniture by the entrance of the door, where I put my shoes. A few more steps into the home, I was greeted by the living room. The walls were painted a gray color that seemed more pronounced with the green sofa int the living room.

"You look good for someone who was shitfaced last night," Angela complimented me, her eyes twinkling with amusement.

My head slightly throbbed as if it wanted to make a presence.

"Thanks. It's an art," I responded drlyly, thinking back to the dry heaving that happened at David's place all morning. I pointed the couch closest to me. "Should I sit here?"

Angela nodded.

"Yeah you can. Let me show you around first," she said, gesturing me to follow. She showed me around first to the kitchen, then the living room. She gestured to the staircase by the kitchen, quickly mentioning it was the basement before taking me upstairs.

"These are some of the bedrooms. That's my room," Angela finished standing outside of the room, gesturing to the light green room. Her white sheets were neatly made. There was a fluffy white chair that was hanging across the room, which was positioned next to a mirror. It looked like any other girl's room I have seen.

My eyes caught something in the room next door. It was flickers of different paint, that made me take a step closer.

"Whose room is that?" I asked, looking at the room next door with specks of different colors on the wall.

"Elise's," Angela responded, watching me look at the paintings with fascination. She gestured to her loose tank top and sweats. "I'm going to get changed. I'll be right back."

She entered her room, shutting the door for me. I shoved my hands in my pocket, thinking of a tune to keep me occupied. My eyes couldn't help but to wander at her room. I took a few steps closer to see that the speaks of colors were all paintings. Some looked like canvas that were bought while most of them looked like different papers that were taped to the wall.

Her bed was a light blue, slightly wrinkled like it was done quickly. She had a brown table at the corner, scattered with different markers, brushes and paint bottles. She had an easel at the far corner, with an empty canvas hanging.

I couldn't stop looking at the pictures. Some were drawn meticulously in order to capture every detail. Others were drawn with harsh strokes with an intensity that I couldn't look away from. All paintings were filled with vivid colors that made my eyes slightly widen.

She was no where in the room. I haven't seen any sign of her in the house. Did she know I was going to be here? I couldn't help but wonder who she was with. I couldn't get her mouth or the way she moved her hips that night out of my head. Despite feeling the most hungover I have been in months, the thoughts were intoxicating. 

"She's good at painting," a voice said next to me.

I turned to look at Angela. Her hair was neatly tied back into a pony tail. Her eyes were covered with some light make up that brought out the hazel color in her eyes. She was absentmindedly touching her red dress that fell mid-thigh. 

She wasn't looking at me, but at the paintings around the room. Her lips were pressed into a thin line and her eyes looked strained. 

"Yeah she is. Are you guys close?" I couldn't help but ask. She slightly shifted her shoulders into a small shrug, still looking at Elise's room.

"I guess yeah. We live together." Angela eventually sighed loudly. "Dad always buys her art stuff. She would spend so much time doing it, and he just fueled it." 

I was going to bring up how that reminded me of Mom, but something warned me to keep my mouth shut. It should've sounded like it was a good thing, but the way Angela said it didn't feel like that. In fact, the more I think about it, the more it sounded like resent. 

"Should we head out?" Angela eventually asked, looking at me for the first time in a while. When we made eye contact, she smiled. 

I nodded. 

"Ready whenever you are," I said, looking at Elise's empty room one last time. 

Angela drove us to some mall that was about fifteen minutes from our houses. When she rattled off the name, I had no idea what she was talking about as I spent most of the ride making sure I didn't get car sick. When we arrived, I saw a large building that might have been the biggest thing I have seen in Mayville. 

With Angela leading the way, we walked inside the mall and saw four others congregated in the corner. A brunette girl among the four ran up to Angela and gave her a hug. She turned to me her wide smile intact. 

"Hey Nathaniel. Glad you can join us," she greeted me warmly, the same warmth I could see in her eyes.  

I recognized her instantly from the party with David. 

"Hey Kelsey," I greeted. I looked passed her and saw Jackson, Stacy, and some guy with black hair hanging around. The black haired one had his eyebrows up, inspecting me from afar. 

Angela gestured me to follow her. 

"You know Kelsey," Angela said, gesturing her her friend. "And you obviously know Jackson and Stacy. The other guy is Alex. He's in our grade as well." 

Alex waved his hand, not saying anything. I did the same, feeling unsure about what I should be doing here. I shoved my hands into my pockets and turned to Angela. "What's the plan?" 

"Well I think Alex hasn't eaten yet," Kelsey piped up, brushing some of her hair from her face. "Let's grab some food, and then take it from there? Maybe we could play bowling." 

We headed immediately towards the food court. They were all chattering away, talking about things in their high school or some football team I couldn't relate to. I stayed on the sidelines, focusing on walking straight and ignoring the headache I had on the side of my head. Even if I wanted to join, I couldn't relate to anything that they were saying. 

I pulled out my phone and looked at Elise's text. I wanted to say more about what happened last night, but I didn't know what else there was to do. 

A warm hand landed on my own. I looked up to Angela looking at me with concern. 

"Are you okay?" she asked. She was looking at me with a smile made me only feel a little better. 

"Yeah. I'm good," I lied, putting my phone away. 

"Bro, would you be offended if I get Taco Bell for lunch?" The Alex asked me. There was an awkward silence among the group. My stomach churned uncomfortably, and my head throbbed. 

"What kind of dumbass question was that?" Jackson asked

"Why would I care about that?" I asked. 

"Because you know...it's Mexican-" he began before I cut him off with a curt laugh. 

"It's not Mexican bro. I don't give a shit. Go nuts," I said.

Jackson put a hand on my shoulder before shaking his head at Alex. "He doesn't give a shit about that. He's chill for a Hispanic." 

I laughed, this time much weaker than the first time. Something about the comment made me feel uncomfortable. Luckily Kelsey tugged Stacey's arm and gestured to the ice cream stand. 

He's chill for a Hispanic? 

What the fuck does that suppose to mean?

Alex beelined to the Taco Bell line with the biggest smile on his face, oblivious to any silence that was felt in the group.

"Stace, do you want to get ice cream?" Kelsey asked her, tugging on her arm and pointed in that direction. 

Stacey rolled her eyes. "We have been friends since the sixth grade, and you always ask to get me ice cream, and every time I have to remind you that I'm lactose intolerance. Do you want me to die in the bathroom later?" 

Kelsey tugged her arm. "Fine, don't buy anything. Just come with me to get it." 

They came back with their food while Angela, Jackson, I flagged down. They all sat in the food court, either eating the food purchased or twiddling their thumbs and watching the others eat. 

Stacey turned to me, her pink lips pursed. "You're from New York City, right?" 

I nodded. "Yep," I explained. 

Alex nodded his head in approval, biting into his taco. "That's pretty cool." 

The others agreed. Jackson nodded his head that almost looked like approval but I couldn't read him. 

"That sounds so much cooler than here. So many different people," Stacy commented with a  dreamy smile, and others shook their heads in agreement. I looked out at the relatively empty food court. 

I still missed New York. How could I not missed the fast pace lifestyle I once enjoyed. But now Alabama was growing on me. I enjoyed the hot sun, and the long days. it was a break.

"Why Mayville though? Compared to everywhere else, this would be the last place most people would want to be in?" Kelsey asked. 

"My Dad was born here and grew up here." 

Jackson eyes narrowed. "I thought you were Hispanic?" His voice sounded almost accusatory as if he was assuming I lied about my own ethnicity. 

"I'm half-white. My Dad is white and grew up here. My mom came to Mayville when she was young. She was from Mexico, hence why I look Hispanic." 

Everyone nodded with understanding.  

"Wait so she's legal right?" Jackson asked before he laughed. My eyes narrowed at his laughter, my fists clenching underneath the table and having the urge to beat Jackson to pulp. 

"What the hell, Jackson?" Kelsey snapped, her face morphing with shock and mild disgust. Alex was watching, eye's wide with Taco Bell in his mouth. Angela didn't say anything, glaring with Jackson with annoyance. 

Jackson held his hands up. 

"It's just a joke. Nate gets it, right?" Jackson looked at me as if I was going to back him up. When I didn't say anything, he groaned loudly. "You guys need to chill. It was just a joke."

"I didn't know being a racist fuck was funny," I muttered under my breath. Jackson jaw clenched and I could see that his cheeks were flushed. He stood up, hovering over the table and glaring at me. 

I didn't care that he heard me say it. In fact, I was glad he finally heard me say it. I was tired of people giving side eye glances at me. I was tired of working in the diner and people ignoring me and prefer to talk to my white co-workers. I'm tired of just having to fight for myself. For Mom. 

I'm just tired.  

"What did you say?" His voice was threatening but it didn't faze me. I got up, looking at everyone before turning to look Jackson dead in the eyes. 

I could see the anger on his face, but I felt nothing inside. 

"You heard me," I responded, just feeling the urge to get out of here. I gave Angela and apologetic look before saying,"I'm going to get out of here. Enjoy your day." 

Despite their protests, I left the table. 

Author's Note: Not my favorite chapter to write and definitely need to rewrite it, but vote and comment if you are enjoying the story !