Chapter 18

We once had a moment
That now feels so broken
How have we came to be so lonely?

~Nathaniel's Lyric Journal

OPENING MY EYES FOR THE FIRST TIME immediately rewarded me with sun hitting my eyes. I groaned softly, turning over to hide my face from the sun. I squeezed my eyes tightly, ignoring the paining feeling. I lifted myself up the bed before my head started to throb. I groaned loudly, holding my head and immediately falling back to my bed. 

"There's a trash can next to you," a voice chimed, the chirpy voice making the side of my head throb. I pulled myself up to see David in front of me, gesturing to the trash can that was next to me. 

"Where am I?" I asked hoarsely, focusing on his pajamas and not on the fact that I wanted to throw up. 

"You're at my house." 

I craned my head slowly and realized that I wasn't at home. In fact, I was under a couch that felt uncomfortable against my aching back. My eyes fellow on a old red blanket that was on top of me, and eventually realized that I was still wearing the same clothes as the night before. 

"You have a nice home," I complimented. After a few short breaths, I hoisted myself upright, ignoring every bone that wanted to break. "Mierda." 

"I would take the Advil if I were you," David advised, gesturing to the table that only had a single Advil and a glass of water. I immediately took it, slowly reaching for it at a pace that didn't make my chest lurch. 

"What happened?" 

"You drank a shit ton." 

"No shit." I paused when I saw a smirk growing on David's face. "Why are you looking at me like that? Have you never seen someone get drunk?" 

"You're forgetting I'm the king of dealing with drunks. How much do you remember?" He queried, his tone hinting curiosity. 

"Nothing. Did I do something bad?" I asked, squeezing my eyes tightly to recall anything that happened last night. I remembered agreeing to hang out with David and going out to a party, and then I didn't remember anything else. Like it was a blotch on my permanent memory with no chance of uncovering.  

David took a seat next to me, planting his hands over his knees. 

"Which part do you remember?" he asked carefully. 

I blinked. 

"Part?" I echoed. 

David sighed. "So none of them. So the first part is us going to the house party I mentioned before and you were drinking. You drank a lot," David repeated. 

My temple throbbed at the memory of the loud noises, people screaming, and the alcohol that I ingested during the night. 

"That I do remember," I groaned. 

"Do you remember doing karaoke?" 

My body froze. 

"The what?" I asked incredulously. 

"I had a feeling you wouldn't remember. I have a video," David explained, pulling out his phone and opening it to a video. 

I watched with horror at me. Well, it looked like me but it didn't seem like me. I was holding onto a microphone, singing Somebody to Love by Queen into the microphone, hitting the high notes and attempting to imitate Freddie Mercury but worse. People were cheering like they were happy to see it, but all I felt was a pit in my stomach.  

"That is embarrassing," I said, pushing the video away. 

David chuckled. 

"You were the star of the show. Even shitfaced, you were good," he joked.

Twice. I sang twice in one night. One time that felt out of enjoyment but the other...didn't feel like me at all. 

"Okay. So I sang. What's Part 2?" I asked, dismissing the singing for now. 

"Well the sequel to the story is that and you continued singing, you started to get really drunk, so I took you here because obviously I wasn't going to send you to your house. Anyways, you started to talk about Elise and your Mom, felt a little sick, and had a slight melt down before passing out on my couch," David finished, rubbing the back of his head out of awkwardness. 

My face burned from embarrassment. 

We kissed. 

At the thought, I brushed my fingers lightly over my lips. The reality of it was still uncertain as I looked at David's gaze. My mouth felt like it was glued shut like it didn't want to ask how much I told David. From the worried look on his face, I most likely said everything that happened.

It felt so faint, I couldn't decided whether it was all a dream or not. 

One second we were messing around the next her mouth was on mine and we were just...kissing. 

And it felt good. 

The softness of her lips was the only thing I could remember. My heart sped up remembering how warm she felt or when she laughed. 

"We don't have to talk about Elise though for now," David commented quietly, gratefully breaking me away from my thoughts. "Maybe when you're more sober. But your Mom... Nate do you feel guilty about her dying?" 

My body stiffened at his question. 

"What?" 

David took a shaky breath, slowly taking a seat next to me. 

"You kept saying it's your fault and you miss her, and all these things..." David trailed off, his voice filled with uncertainty like he didn't know how to carry on. My body felt brittle and my mind was on the brink of a collapse- partially because of the alcohol but partially because I couldn't remember a damn thing what I said last night. 

"Can we wait until I'm more sober?" I asked immediately, touching my head as if it will take the pain away. My mind did not want to process what it said, but it could've been anything. "I'm fine, okay?" 

David sighed again. 

"You know it isn't your fault she did that, right? She made that decision for herself, and if it wasn't that day then another day. You can't blame yourself for an action that doesn't involve you-" David said with an unconvinced tone. 

"But-"

"I know that's why you stopped playing music. I know you avoid talking about it, and we both hate these talks, but I know that's why you won't let yourself be happy. It's okay to be sad and angry, but we both know she wouldn't want you like this. She's always been about enjoying life and shit, but you can't do that if you're moping," David continued, his voice now strong with more assertion. "As long as you know that it's not your fault and it gets better you know?" 

I didn't want to ask how much he knew. I didn't want to say that I was in the apartment when she killed herself. How I was sleeping when she did it. All I had to do was be awake, and she would be here. 

He didn't understand.

"Thanks, David, but you don't know how she was at the end." I said. Before he could say anything else, my phone started to vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out to see Dad's name appear on the screen. "Dad is calling me." 

"I would pick that up. Your phone has been going off all morning," David advised. He got up and walked away to give me privacy. 

I picked up the phone. 

"Hell-"

"Nathaniel Cristobal Hernandez McCoy where the hell have you been? You haven't come home all night," Dad's voice bellowed into the phone. I groaned softly, and pulled the phone away from my self. 

"Dad, I'm at David's place. I stayed over," I managed to say in an even tone, keeping the pain out of my voice. 

That seemed to have worked because I heard him sigh at the other end. 

"Next time let me know when you do that. As long as you are safe, that's fine with me." 

I let go of the breath I didn't know I held. 

"Will do," I responded hoarsely, feeling my voice fading. 

"I won't punish you for that, but I will for taking alcohol from the cabinet and leaving a big mess int he living room. 

I groaned loudly. 

"Sorry Dad." 

He sighed loudly on the other end. 

"Just come back and clean that. While you're at, you're cleaning the bathrooms as a punishment too." 

From the tone he said it, it sounded like a joke more than a punishment, but I knew that was Dad's style. Mom was the one who would yell and kick my ass if I was doing something bad. Dad would remain calm for the most part but drop a punishment so casually later on, it's sometimes hard to tell. 

"I know it's because you don't want to do it," I pointed it out. 

"I'm the parent, so that doesn't matter because this is a punishment," Dad responded. "Come back from David's soon." 

We said goodbyes before I hung up on Dad. David was waiting for me to say something. 

"Well I should get back," I announced to David, pushing the blanket off me and tried to get up. The moment I planted my feet on the ground was when I immediately felt my legs weaken and collapse back on the couch. My body ached and nausea began to rise in my chest. "God." 

"I'll pray the Advil kick in. Let me drop you off," David said, gathering some of my things nearby to me. While he was tidying up, I noticed I had a few unread messages on my phone. Some were from Esteban. I looked up and I saw that I sent him drunken videos, some of me singing while others are just me drunkenly screaming.  

Esteban: Glad to see you raving it up down there

I noticed that Angela had texted me in the early morning as well. 

Angela: Hey! I had a great time with you last night. Some friends and I are going to hang out tomorrow. Thought you would want to join.

I would've responded hadn't I noticed that I seemed to have immediately after hers. 

Me: Hell yeah. That sounds like a great time! Let me know what's happening.

I rubbed my head as if it would jog any memory of this conversation happening. My head throbbed in response to trying to think about last night, but it wasn't coming to me. 

What the fuck?

"Was I alone with Angela at one point?" I asked out loud to David. 

He looked up and shrug. 

"Probably. You were pretty active last night. Why?" 

"I apparently talked to her and we made plans for today," I explained, showing the conversation to David. He read through it before he whistled. "I must have been drunk." 

"And after blowing it with Elise. Good idea," he responded dryly. 

I gave him the middle finger. "Fuck off." 

David held his hands up. "What? I didn't make plans with her sister." 

"Stepsister," I corrected, looking at the messages. 

"Step- I don't give a shit. Have you heard from Elise since the kiss at least?" David asked me. 

Okay, so I did tell him what happened last night. Feeling my pride taking a hit, I focused on my phone and saw an unread message from Elise. I immediately pressed on it to open the unread message. 

Elise: Sorry about last night. I hope we are good.

Any oxygen remaining was sucked out of my lungs. 

"Yeah she just texted me," I managed to comment.

Maybe I should pretend like nothing happened. Like we didn't kiss. Like I did not enjoy. Like I didn't like my hands on her back. Like I didn't want to keep kissing her until every moment of pain slipped away from my mind. 

Me: It was a mistake. Don't worry about it.

My fingers physically pained to type the message out because it was a lie. 

"It looks good to me," David commented, peering at the text. 

"Yeah?" I asked. 

"Straight to the point, and things can return to normal," David insisted, gesturing to the screen. "Anyways, are you going to hang out with Angela today?" 

I sighed. My bones wanted to fall out and the idea of getting up made me want to hurl in the trashcan. I plopped my head back into the couch, sinking into it. 

"Seems like I accepted them. I can't bail out on them now," I groaned, texting her that I would join later in the afternoon. Hopefully it would give me some time for recovery. 

David tsked, and shook his head. 

"Too nice I tell you. It's going to bite you in the ass one day."