Dedicated to Pamsloaded

My grip on the pregnancy test stick loosened as both my hands trembled. Eyes on the small, white instrument, I blinked confirming the result. Again, I blinked to be sure I wasn't dreaming. And just like every test I'd taken, I passed. The result was positive. For the third time.

The pregnancy test fell on the cemented floor, a thud following after. Tears brimmed my eyes, my hands moved to my mouth clasping it to muffle the sobs slipping from them. I lost control of my legs making me fall to the ground.

My life was over!

Through my teary eyes, I could see one of the two girls reaching for the instrument I peed on. The blurry figure picked the test up and at the sound of two loud gasps I blinked hard, opening my eyes swiftly.

Zara had the pregnancy test holding it out for both of them. She was disappointed, at least that was what I saw. Disappointment. Anna's mouth hung open, still staring at the result.

We had hoped this time would be different. Different from the first two times I took the test earlier at school. My head was messed up but Zara was able to calm me and keep me optimistic about the third time being negative. Apparently, she was wrong. 

It had two red lines. Two red lines signifying my life was completely over. It was over for sure; my education, my dreams, my ambitions and then my entire life. All because of a baby! A whole human being inside of me.

Loud voices cheering erupted  the stadium; I was uncertain if it was for victory or loss. I didn't know, neither did I care. I had exigent things to worry about other than an Interhouse House Sport.

Leaning my back against the wall, I brought legs to my chest, my hands wrapping round them as I cried into my knees quivering.

A fraction of me believed I was pregnant while I took the malaria drugs as the symptoms persisted. There was always that little voice inside of me telling me not to take the drugs and it was of no use. I refused to believe that tiny voice whispering in my hear whenever I took my drugs during those three days. 

We used protection...the second time. The tiny voice notified.

The suspicious looks mum gave me whenever I left the living room to throw up or when I would eat ravenously even though I had snacks between meals made me anxious. Though she never said anything, I was sure she had formulated her own theories.

"What do we do?"

Anna's words made me raise my head. Both girls were still standing side by side, the pregnancy test stick in Zara hands.

What do we do? A humorless laugh went past my lips, sobbing and laughing at the same time. The question was a very funny one. I was the pregnant one. The sixteen year old pregnant girl whose life was about to be over and she asked, what do we do?

Their facial expressions contorted to that of perplexity as they peered at me pity in their eyes. Just like they pitied me I pitied myself. If not more.

"The right question should be what do I do." The back of my hands moved to wipe the mucus dripping from my nostrils. "I'm the pregnant one not you."

Anna's forehead wrinkled, a frown etching on her caked face. She appeared before me, my head turned sideways to gaze at the dilapidated wooden door instead, with my thoughts far away.

"...I am the friend of the pregnant one so it's our problem not just hers." Whatever she said before that I didn't hear or care to listen to but she was able to lift my spirit with that but I was still alone on this.

It was easy for her to say, she wasn't the one with a child in her stomach. She still had her life ahead of her and dreams in tact. I was the one whose dreams of becoming a doctor was terminated due to few minutes of satisfying her boyfriend.

Using both hands, I wiped the tears rolling down my cheek with my palm but they didn't seem to want to stop. I gave up throwing my hands on the floor.

"Tobi stand up." Anna ordered. She was wearing a red gown with sequins, the flared gown stopped just below her knees and the net sleeves ending at her elbow.  A silver crown was placed on her head which was packed up and gelled with long curly human hair as pony tail.

I ignored her, drumming my fingers on the floor. I knew it wasn't sanitary to sit on the floor of the toilet much less drum my fingers on the dirty floor but I couldn't careless at this moment. A lot was going through my mind.

"Tobi get off the floor." She iterated, her hands on her hips as she stood akimbo. "This place isn't clean."

I hissed, she was the princess of red house didn't mean she could boss me around. "Leave me alone."

"Why couldn't you use a condom?" Zara asked, her voice calm and calculated. It wasn't her usual obstreperous voice. She had probably been practicing how to get that question out since she had been mute.

Slowly, I turned to meet her gaze. Her scanty brows raised while her hands stood stiff on both side, a slight movement on her right wrist mocked me as I saw the pregnancy test stick.

I couldn't make words. So many answers popped into my head, at the same time while I formulated more answers. All the answers in my head all had one thing in common. They were excuses.

I ran an hand on my gelled hair while my eyes concentrated on the cobwebs at the edge of the wall like they were fascinating.

I shrugged, "I don't know." I bit my lower lip, gnawing on it. "It... I... we... what..." I couldn't form words.

"I'm an idiot! A fool! Moron!" I finally got out while sobbing.

Zara hurried beside me, sitting next to me and engulfing me in a tight hug. Her hand moved to tapping my back, my hair occasionally tugging, slightly.

I couldn't be pregnant, not at this age. There had to be a mistake, the test had to be defective.

"Zara." We pulled out of the hug, staring at each other's eyes passing the unsaid words difficult for us to say.

"I can't be pregnant!" My face fell to her chest crying. She held unto me in a very tight grasp, rubbing soothing circles as I cried into her chest drenching her blue sportswear.

The deafening cheering from the stadium rang again, the dilapidated door shaking like it was about to leave the hinges. The sound died down almost immediately.

" I don't want to be pregnant!" My words came out indistinct as my face was pressed on Zara's growing bosom.

Droplet of water hit the back of my neck one after the other.

"What do you think would be Daniel's reaction to this news?"

I released myself from Zara's soothing embrace, her eyes were red and face wet. I turned to face Anna ready to answer her question.

Daniel had said numerous times he loved me and I was sure about this. He had also said he wanted us to get married, he had plans for us. Our future.

If he had plans for us, serious plans, the pregnancy shouldn't be an issue. All he had to do was take responsibility for his unborn child and I.

"He  loves me." I continued crying after answering.

A discombobulated frown appeared on Anna's face. "Daniel loving you doesn't mean he would accept the child."

"I agree with Anna. You can say you love someone but you may not be ready for such responsibility and baggage."

"No!" I countered. "I trust Daniel, he won't leave me!" I picked the packet of the pregnancy test kit next to me.

The pregnancy test kit was from Zara. She had been able to pick the kits from her father's pharmacy.

"Are you sure about this?"

I nodded, "yes I am, Zara."

"So you're going to keep the baby?" Anna asked, a corner of her lip in her mouth and a tuft of hair wrapped round a finger.

"I don't want this baby! I don't want any baby! I don't want this pregnancy! All I want is to be an ordinary teenage girl." I cried into my palm.

"What happens now?" Zara asked putting an arm round my shoulder.

"I do not know! I still can't wrap my head round this whole thing. I didn't think Tobi would be the first to get pregnant amongst us." Anna huffed. "At a teenage age."

"Me too." Zara whispered.

I couldn't help but feel like I had let them down. It felt like my mistake was their mistake and I was pained to see how affected they were about my situation. Especially Zara. I felt a pang of guilt when I saw her eyes red.

"Who would even imagine." Anna drawled, crossing her arms. "I always thought it would be Seun," she let's out a small laugh.

Zara brought out while chuckling, "I thought so too."

Their words were to lighten the tension and dolor in the room but I couldn't pick on the joke. All I could think of was the baby inside of me and how much trouble this would get me in. How would I break the news to my parents?

Silence took over, everyone enveloped in their thoughts.

"We should leave. The race would start soon." Anna informed us. "And you need to get ready Tobi, you know you're sprinting."

I heaved a despondent sigh, getting off the floor and leaning my back on the peeling blue wall while dusting of the dirt on my green sportswear.

"Zara aren't you leaving?" Anna asked picking up Zara's bag on the floor. I gave her the packet of the pregnancy kit, she shoved it into the bag right away.

"Seun!" Zara jolted up. She gave the test stick to Anna who closed the bag and put it on her shoulder.

Anna and I were confused, our looks prompted her to explain. "Let's tell Seun about this."

"Seun?!" Anna and I asked simultaneously.

A/N
To whom it may concern,

It's okay to fall, to make mistakes, to be imperfect. What is not okay is staying down and wallowing in your mistakes. Letting the laughs and words of others get to you. Stand up, get new clothes and start afresh, anew. Correct your mistakes and imperfections. You can do it and you'll do it because you're strong, beautiful/handsome and you're YOU. You exist, you occupy space, you matter. Don't let anyone tell you less or make you feel useless! I LOVE YOU❤

                         Your Lazy Writer,
                             Timidsavage✌

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