Dedicated to DolapoOloyede

Grandma's health was deteriorating daily and the cost of maintaining the hospital bills were high. Last night, I overheard dad and his siblings arguing about disconnecting her from the life support. I strongly disagreed with that. It was bizarre to think two of grandma's children suggested cutting her off life support.

"Maami  is old already, let her go and join Baami." Uncle Bayo, dad's immidate younger brother suggested yesterday night. When daddy and Big daddy (daddy's older brother) disagreed with the notion, aunty Kike yelled, "it's because Tobi is staying with maami abi? Why don't you face the consequences of your failed parental responsibility and stop letting her hide away here." The next thing I heard was the jam of the door. Daddy left the house and there has been no sight of him since then.

The car pulled to a stop and I sighed. It was another day of women eyeing and staring at me with contempt. Reluctantly, I got out of the car with my purse pulled my dress to cover my cleavage. The fabric of the dress was white with sunflowers splashed on it. It was a sleeveless and flared from under my bust.

Mum got out of the car and with a tap on the car key, the doors were locked. She joined me by my side and we made our way into the maternity clinic. Just as we walked in, a familiar patient with a massive bump attached to her front at the front row seat nudged a man who seemed like her husband. He looked up from his phone and stared at my features particularly my protruding stomach.

I bowed my head and walked to the trig section trying to pretend the pregnant women in the waiting room weren't staring at me.

The nurse took my vitals and we were asked to wait to see the doctor. Mum and I sat back at the far edge of the waiting room. The stares were just as uncomfortable for mum as they were for me.

She dug into her black leather bag and dropped something on my hands on my lap. It was my spectacles. I had forgotten them in Lagos. I murmured thank you and wore them. My vision was a lot clearer.

Mummy was still not speaking to me. No matter how I tried. Even when we were in the kitchen alone or with aunty Kike and Motun , dad sisters, she never spoke to me. How could a mother go this long without speaking to her child? I hadn't birthed the one in my stomach yet I always yearned to feel it move. So, how could she live without cohabiting with me?

An hour later it was my turn, so we went into the doctor's office together.

"Hello, dear." Doctor Ernestina gave a warm, inviting smile. I retuned the smile as myself and mum sat before her. "I'm guessing this is your mum."

Mum and I nodded simultaneously.

"Nice to meet you." She gave a grin. "So, how are we doing?"

"I'm okay."

"Anything new or out of the ordinary?"

"The baby moved."

"That's nice." My gynecologist beamed with pride like it was her child. "Get on the stretcher." She ordered, hanging her stethoscope on her neck.

I moved to the bed and struggled to get on it. I pulled up my dress revealing my massive stomach after I successfully laid on the bed. Doctor Ernestina took the bottle of gel and pressed it on my stomach. I shivered, I still hadn't gotten used to the coldness after all these months.

She wore her gloves and pushed some buttons on the monitor. She picked the machine and started to move it round my stomach. The greyish blob appeared on the monitor but this time around I could make out a head.

Doctor Ernestina squinted her eyes,concentrated on the monitor. "Twins?"

"Ehn?" Mum jolted up and joined us while my eyes widen.

One baby was bad enough now two? When I was singing and dancing to everything na double-double in church I wasn't thinking about pregnancy. I could already imagine having two kids on my laps suckling on each nipple. Tears welled in my eyes as I looked down at my breast.

My doctor chuckled, "just kidding."

I let out a breath of relieve while mum scowled at the doctor. I scowled too because what kind of joke was that?

"We have a very healthy baby. You're doing a fine job cooking this baby, good job, Tobi." She give me a thumbs up eyes focused on the monitor. "Do you want to listen to your baby's heart beat?"

She didn't wait for me to respond before a very faint heartbeat echoed in the room. My heart skipped a beat listening to the sound. I took my phone from my purse on the table next to the bed and tapped the recording app.

"What if we don't want the baby?"

I snapped my head at mum, doctor Ernestina stopped the heartbeat playing. "I didn't get that, Mrs Oyesile."

"We don't want the baby."

The doctor looked at me momentarily before croaking out. "Adoption."

Mum nodded with much interest. "What's it about?"

"Basically, we just pair you with parents who applied to have kids. Most of these parents have applied for years and have been under close scrutiny by the adoption agency and the Nigeria child services."

"After the birth of the baby, we can just give up the baby?" Mum crossed her arms.

She passes me paper towel and says to me. "Just ensure you keep taking your meds as prescribed, eat a lot of fruit and exercise too." She said while cleaning up the machine.

"Okay." I responded, wiping the gel from my stomach with a napkin from the table next to the stretcher. I made a quick tap on my phone and returned it into my pursue.

She finally replied mum, "you have to enroll in the adoption program then you'll be paired with a couple. After signing the necessary documents, you give up the baby as soon as it's birthed or whenever both parties agreed on."

"After adoption, I'll never see the baby again?" I pulled a frown while sitting up.

"It all depends on your contract, Tobi. Most families prefer not having contact with the biological family but there are some who keep contact. They're very rare to find. If you opt for that method it could take a long while before you get a family to adopt your baby."  She said still cleaning the machine.

Mum and I returned  to our seat while my Doctor finished up with cleaning the machine.

"I'll prescribe some drugs. Make sure you use them." I nodded even though she wasn't around.

Doctor Ernestina came before us and tossed her rubber gloves into what seemed like a bin next to her desk then washed her hands. She plopped down on her seat.

"How do we contact the adoption agency?" Mum took out her phone from her bag.

Dr Ernestina slipped pamphlets to each of us. Happy feet adoption agency. I read.

"The adoption agency is affiliated to this maternity center and others in Osun state. You can contact them through any of the numbers in the pamphlet." She told mum but she was engrossed with reading the pamphlet. "Whatever decision made lies on the mother." Dr Ernestina said, not breaking eye contact from me.

She did some scribbling onto the prescription paper and handed it to me. I went through it but I couldn't make out the prescription due to doctor Ernestina horrible writing. "I love how free your dress it."

Mum finally stopped going through the adoption pamphlets. "On that note, we can leave now?"

The Doctor nodded and we stood up. "Thanks doc." I told her.

"Tell grandma I send my regards."

I nodded and we left for the pharmacy. We got the drugs as prescribed and we settled into the car.

"You hate me, don't you?" I said just as mum was about to start the car. I saw her muscles tense on the steering wheel. Her throat bopped then she started the car. "Mummy, you hate me don't you?" I asked again as we approached the gate of the hospital.

"I don't."

"You do."

"I don't."

"You hate me, mummy."

She took a quick look at me before returning her eyes to the road. " I can't hate you even if I tired."

I went silent for a while.

"Will you ever forgive me?" I bowed my head. The car stopped abruptly, I placed my hands on the dashboard to protect my head from hitting the dashboard.

Car drivers cursed and blasted their horns as they manoeuvred past us. When mum regained her composure, she managed to park by the road side and broke into tears.

She sobbed, "Tobi o loyun."  Taking off her seat belt, she inquired, "what happened to making me proud?" I bursted in tears.

"You promised me." Mucus started to drip from her nose. "Or was the promise to make me a grandmother at forty nine?"

"Mummy, no." I countered almost immediately, choke up. "You're a wonderful mother."

"Your grandmother was right all along. I'm a failure. Motherhood's biggest disgrace."

The pieces of my broken heart were trampled on. I felt as though someone ripped out my heart. The last time I felt this dull ache on my chest was the day Daniel denied my pregnancy. Looking at her eyes, I could see the pain and disappointment through those eyes

"I believed you and your sisters were going to be great and prove your grandmother wrong. I was so confident you girls were doing amazing at school. I trusted you girls. I trusted you, Tobi."

The tears in my eyes didn't stop flowing. "I'm sorry, mummy."

"There is no day your father doesn't remind me about this." She pointed at my protruding stomach. "I'm certain any time from now we'll get a divorce."

"Forgive me, please."

"Tobi, sorry won't just make that huge stomach disappear." She pointed again at my obviously pregnant stomach. "Sorry, won't change the embarrassment you caused your father and me. We have to live our lives knowing our daughter destroyed her life."

"Mummy, I'm sorry." I managed to croak out amidst sobs and placed my hand on hers.

She retracted her hands like I was fire, "all the extra lessons was a lie ehn? I was practically pushing you to open your legs wider."

"No."  I clasped my hands on by mouth to muffle the sobs.

"Oluwatobiloba, you destroyed this family."

That was all I needed to hear before the  final piece of my heart shattered. I destroyed my family.

Glossary
1) Tobi o loyun - Tobi you're pregnant.
2)Maami - Mother.
3)Baami - Father.

A/N

Tobi's mum is considering adoption. What do you think?

Should the Oyesile household cut grandma off life support?

Please, comment your thoughts!

See ya next Thursday!

Q: How did you find this book?