Tiana POV

Time seemed to freeze for a few seconds as I hear those dreaded words. Those words I absolutely hate and fear. I don't want to see my father. I absolutely don't want to see him. I hate him. I want him gone. I really do.

But there's a tiny part of me that whispers louder than I thought it would. A tiny part of me that acknowledges the fact that he's my father. That he's half of me. A tiny part of me that hates anything and everything new. A tiny part of me that wants familiarity. Because I'm used to being hurt. I don't know anything else. I'm not used to anything. I'm used to the feeling of painful familiarity. And I know it's messed up of me to think.... but I want familiarity. I want something I'm used to. I want to be hurt. I want the pain. I want the torture. I want the feeling of hurting repeatedly. It's messed up. But it's me. And it's all I've ever known. And some part of me thinks that it's all I'll ever know.

I'm afraid of the fact that a small part of me wishes this to be true.

I'm shaken from my thoughts when I hear a loud "bang" ring around the room. I look towards the source of the sound to see Tyson, who just punched a wall. But I don't care. I don't care about anything right now. I just want to sleep.

I just want to sleep and never wake up.

"That disgusting fuck is not stepping a single foot into this hospital," Tyson says through gritted teeth, an aura of controlled rage rippling off of him in waves. It scares me more than the thought of seeing my father. Controlled rage means sudden outbursts. Sudden outbursts mean I could be the wall Tyson punched. I don't want that. But I'm used to it.

Just then an intense wave of nostalgia and sadness hits me and I can't help but feel lonely. I look around and I see all these people surrounding me when they shouldn't. They should be at home, doing whatever they want to instead of at a hospital trying to comfort a lump of fuck.

But I'm also so selfish.

I can't help but let them stay. Because I want to feel cared for. I want to feel loved. I've never felt that before. I've never felt safe. And I feel safe here. No completely, but it's there. And it's all I have. And I'll grab it like a starved man for food. Because I'm starved of it. I crave the feeling of being safe, the feeling of being cared for.

But I'm so scared of being addicted to it. Because when it's gone, because it will go, I'll have to live without it. And that would hurt so much. So so much.

"Hey Kitty are you alright?" I hear Tyson ask me and I turn towards him, willing the tears to stay put.

"I'm fine."

I'm far from fine.

"Are you sure you're okay Kitty?"

"Yeah, I'm okay Piggy."

I'm not okay.

"Can you guys leave the room please?" Tyson asks, but he doesn't look at them. He just stares at me with this worried expression etched on his face. I'm simultaneously guilty for having put that expression on his face and happy that he cares so much for me, that he's worried about me.

I'm so confusing. Even to myself.

I watch as everyone in the room walks out the door without question. Amanda gives me a small smile as she goes and a reassuring nod. I give her a small, wobbly smile in return. It's so much more than I can manage and I can see that she knows it too, because she gives me this big bright smile that momentarily stuns me. It's funny how someone as dark as me managed to create something as bright as that.

The door clicks as it's closed and I look at Tyson, waiting for him to say something. He doesn't say anything though, he just looks at me, his piercing grey eyes roaming around my face and I feel so vulnerable that it kills me.

"How are you really?" he ask finally, his voice so fucking soft that it breaks the little bit of hope I had had that I wouldn't cry.

"I'm horrible," I say, my voice wobbly. I can feel tears stream down my cheek but I do nothing to remove them. More tears will just add to it anyway.

"Hey," he whispers and I look down at my lap, waiting for him to give me a lecture about how I deserve happiness or something like that. But the speech never comes. Instead he bends down and slowly, carefully (giving me to pull away) wraps his arms around me.

I've never felt so safe.

I cry harder then. I don't know why, but I cry harder and harder until I'm just making ugly whale noises into his chest. He's holds me the whole time, rubbing my back. It feels nice.

After some time, I push him away. I can't get addicted to this, this safety. It'll hurt so much when it leaves, when he leaves. Because he has his own life, and I'll just pull him down. Eventually, he'll realise this. Then he'll leave. And I'll be alone again.

I don't know how I'll survive it.

But I can't be the anchor that holds him down when he could fly. But, for now, I'll be selfish. Just for now. Just until I can stand on my own.

He doesn't let go too far though. Instead he hold both of my palms in his own and gives me a wobbly smile.

"I can't promise I'll stay with you the whole time. Because a promise is something I have no desire to break in any way. But what I will promise is that I'll try. I'll always try. And I'll always fight. For you, with you and by you. I promise I'll try," he says, looking at me with his stupid grey eyes that have small hint of blue in it. With his stupid sincere smile and kind eyes.

"Why can't I stop myself from believing you?" I say, my voice quiet and a little strained.

"Seems we have the same effect on each other," he says, grinning like he won the lottery.

"What's wrong?" he asks when he sees that I won't open my mouth.

I'm addicted to hurting while being addicted to healing.

"Nothing worth thinking about twice," I say, trying my best to sound reassuring. He wouldn't understand my thoughts anyway. I can hardly understand them myself.

"I don't think so," he says, looking so completely sincere that I have to look away. I'm too big of a liar to look that sincere. Even to myself. I lie to myself on a daily bases.

"It's nothing really," I say and he must've seen something in my eyes because he drops the subject.

"Okay then. Your business is your business and not mine. So... remember when my mom called me for something?" he says and there's a glint in his eyes. I'm simultaneously excited as well as scared.

"Yeah..?" I say uncertainly, making it seem like a question.

"Well.... what do you about locking your father in a cell and letting him rot there for the rest of his life?" he asks and time slowed down for a moment.

Memories start flooding my mind. Every hurtful memory he's ever been in floods through my mind. But those aren't the only memories. The memories from before come into mind to. Like the time a cockroach entered my room and he ran upstairs in a hurry worried I might've been hurt and held me while I cried after he killed it. Or the time he held me after a nightmare. Or the time we shared an ice cream. The little memories.

The memories that I've held on to for dear life. The memories I've pushed far away. The memories that bring a melancholic sort of feeling to it. That grow false hopes within me. Memories I can never believe are real. The memories that I hope with all my heart are real. Because I don't want to believe that I've been hurting my whole life. And yet that's all I can believe.

False hopes raise you up just to crush you in the end.

"Tiana?" a voice and I shake my head to rid myself of the memories and look at Tyson, who's looking at me with a worried expression etched on his face.

"You okay?" he asks, resting an arm on my shoulder. There's a weird tingly feeling where his fingers touch my skin.

I smile. "Yeah"

"So what do you say?" he asks, a charming grin on his face.

"About what?" I ask, cocking my head a little to the right.

"About making your dad rot in jail?"

I give a small, hesitant smile.

"I say, where and how do we start?"
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Y'all.... it's like 2.40 am and my phone has like 6% charge and I'm doing this.... what's wrong with me?? Ughhh.

Well this chapter is shorter than most but I'm too sleepy to make somethin bigger. If there's any mistakes pleeeaase let me know.

Sorry for the shit chapter. If anyone has any ideas for where the story is going, please let me know cuz I sure as hell don't.

Oh God I have to wake up at like 8 o'clock tomorrow too.... on a Sunday..... *sobs*

Anyway, enjoy this chapter. Make fun of it. Whatever'. Y'all plz comment!! Comments really help me in judging this book. Comments are HIGHLY appreciated. Seriously. Like even if you want to say something negative then please do (constructively, of course). I'd love to know how to improve this. And if you have something nice to say then yay!! It's nice to know people enjoy this!!

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Bye:)