Tiana POV

No. They have to be lying. They have to be. Please be lying. Please lie to me. I can't...

"Kitty," Tyson whispers and I cry. I break down and crash and every tear I had hoped would stay in pours out of me. But I don't care anymore. I don't. I'm so tired of caring. So tired of getting nothing out of it. I'm so tired of caring and getting hurt in the process.

"I'm so sorry," the lady I assume to be Tyson's mother says. She has long blonde hair that's currently in a ponytail, a slender frame and beautiful hazel eyes. She's beautiful. And I'm not.

"Please tell me it's not true," I whisper to Tyson as tears continue to leave my eyes. He comes closer but I don't want him to. It'll only hurt in the end. Life's just a cycle of breaking and being hurt for me. And I tried so fucking hard to keep my hopes up. But it keeps crashing. It keeps burning. And I crash and burn along with it. 

"I'm sorry," is all he says when he reaches me and fresh tears spill out of my eyes. An ugly sound rips out of me but I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.

"Then... then just lie to me. Please. Just tell me everything's going to be alright," I whisper. I watch as a single tear slips from his eyes and I can't help but feel guilty. I can't help but feel like I destroy everything I touch. I'm poison. And I kill anyone that consumes me.

"I won't lie to you," he whispers and takes my hand in his. I let him.

"Then why did you tell me you care? Why did you say you'll help me?" I say. Doesn't he know that he can't help me? Doesn't he know I'm beyond helping?

"Because I do care and because I do want to help," he says, squeezing my palm softly.

I scoff and it sounds so pathetic even to my ears. "You can't help me. No one can."

"I will," he says and I can't help but believe him. Because he says it like it's a promise. A promise he couldn't bear to break.

"I...I don't know why... but I believe you," I say softly, hesitantly. Like my words might poison him.

He smiles then, and it's so bright I have to fight the urge to look away. Did I cause that? Can I cause anything that isn't darkness and pain and sadness?

"I'm so glad you believe me," he says, like it's a secret. A secret he can only share with me.

"You can live in our guest house," Tyson's mother says. I can't help but feel like I'm not fit to talk to her. Like I'm not worthy.

"I can't," I say simply.

"Why not?" she asks, tilting her head a little to the side.

"Because I don't deserve it," I say and both mother and son frown. They're so similar, so perfect. And I'm just... me.

"Kitty, there's no one more deserving of what we're offering than you are," Tyson says and I laugh sardonically.

"What makes you say that?"

"I can just tell," he says simply, in such a matter-of-fact tone and tears spill out of my eyes because he thinks I'm worth something.

"Kitty?" Tyson asks hesitantly and more tears spill out of my eyes.

"Why do you care, Piggy? How can you care about me when even I don't care about me?" I sob, gripping his palm like a life line. In my situation, he may as well be one.

"How can I not care about you Kitty?" he whispers and slowly, with his other arm, brushes a stray strand of hair from my eyes. And maybe it's the way he does it, like I might break, like I'm too precious to break, like I'm worth something. Or maybe it's the fact that I've never thought a touch could bring comfort. Or maybe it's the way he's looking at me, with so much care. I don't know what it is. I really don't. But whatever it is, it has caused me to pull him down into my hospital bed and hug him while I cry into his chest.

Tyson climbs into the bed with me and then snakes his arms around me, letting my hand go in favor of gently playing with my hair while I cry and it feels so good to let it all out. It feels so good to feel someone touch me and know that it isn't meant to hurt me. It feels so good to feel.

"Why, Piggy? Why do horrible things keep happening to me? Why do I have to face all this shit in life? Why can't I have a normal teenage life? Why, Piggy? Why?" I ask desperately.

"I don't know Kitty," he murmurs against hair. "I don't know. Just know that I care for you."

"Then why doesn't he care? Why does he hate me so much? Am I that horrible? Am I that useless?" I ask, because it's a question I've been wanting an answer to for a long time now.

"No! Your amazing. He is just too much of a dick to see it. Anyone who doesn't see it is blind," he says. I can't help but feel like he's lying. But it's okay if he's lying. I can pretend.

I'm so used to pretending anyway.

"So are you staying at our guest house?" Tyson's mother asks. She looks guilty, like she doesn't to ruin the moment. 

"O..Okay," I whisper because I know there's no other answer left. No way out.

"Maybe she should stay over at our house instead of the guest house..." Tyson says and I freeze.

"No! I.. I can't... please... not yet... trust... can't... I can't," I say and my breathing becomes irregular and strained. There's not enough air and I can't breathe.

"Shhhh. Breathe with me. Its okay. Just breathe with me," I hear Tyson says. I take a deep breath and breathe along with Tyson until it calms me down.

"I'm sorry, I just... I can't," I  whisper, feeling guilty. Why do I have to be such a fuck up? Why do I have to be me?

"It's okay. You're completely right. In fact, I would gladly hit my idiot of a son on the head for even suggesting it," Tyson's mom says, glaring playfully at her son.

"That wasn't what you were calling me a few moments ago," Tyson says cheekily, stroking my hair. I can't help but feel jealous when I see their relationship. I can't help but want what he has. What I can never have.

"Where's mama?" I  ask.

Immediately they freeze. I can't help but feel guilty. I'm like the cold winds of Antarctica, I freeze anyone I come into contact with, freeze them in such a way that they can break into pieces.

I wish, so badly, that someone would change me.

"You call her mama?" Tyson asks, fake-chuckling.

"It's what I called her before all this shit happened," I whisper, marveling, like I always do when I think about my childhood, the fact that I had not always been miserable. That I had not always been a shadow. Sometimes I think of it and I begin to hope. Those are the times when I realize how hurtful hope can really be. How much it hurts to feel your hope get destroyed everyday. To feel yourself become smaller and smaller each day.

"Oh," Tyson says and, again, the guilt consumes me like a fire ready to burn. 

It's such a destructive thing to feel, that need to please everyone around us. It makes us lose ourselves until we don't know who we are anymore. Until all we are is what others want us to be and not who we want to be. Is it worth losing yourself over? That need to please everyone around you? Are we really ourselves or pieces of everyone else?

"Sorry for bringing it up," Tyson continues.

"You didn't know," is all I say.

"Thanks," he says.

"Why?" I ask, perplexed.

"For giving me a chance," he says, smiling slightly. 

"Then it is I who should be thanking you," I say.

"For what?" he asks, tilting is head a little to the side. Just like his mother. 

"For trying to fix the mess that is me," I say.

But am I a mess you can fix?

"And I would do it again in a heart beat," he says, smiling.

But would you leave me in a heart beat, too?

"Okay I need to leave. I have some work that needs attending to," Tyson's mom says.

"No! Don't leave uhhh.....um..."

"Liza Bent," she says. "Sorry for not introducing myself."

"I'm sorry you had to see me in such a disgusting setting," I say. I can't help but wonder why she hasn't told her son to stay away from me yet. I'm not healthy for him. Don't they know that I'm a wild fire? Don't they know I destroy everything in my path? Don't they know they should stay away from me? Don't they know I should seize to exist before I destroy too much?

"The only disgusting thing here is the way your father treated you. There is nothing disgusting about you," she says, smiling softly, looking at me adoringly with a little sympathy laced in.

I don't know what I did to deserve that look.

"Where's my mom?" I ask, because, frankly, I miss her.

Ms.Bent sighs. "She being treated for withdrawal. She had an...episode."

"Oh," I say.

I should have thought of that. Why did I not think of that? Why do I think of no one but myself?

"How is she?" I ask, feeling numb.

I hate feeling numb. I hate not feeling. Why did I ever crave the feeling of not feeling?

"She's fine but her case is a little severe," Ms. Bent says solemnly.

"Will she be okay?" I ask, and sadness and fear creeps into me. I know now why I craved numbness. It's so much better when all I could feel was an endless cycle of sadness, fear, and all-consuming guilt. 

"Yeah she will, she's related to you after all," Tyson says, a smirk on his face.

"But is that a good thing? I guess now is a better time than any to remind you'll of the reason I 'm here. Is it really a good thing to be related to me?" I ask.

"You survived all those years of horror. If it had been anyone else, they would have given up already. But you didn't. 'Cause you're my little survivor," he says, smiling proudly.

A ghost of a smile appears on my face. "Not your little survivor."

"Oh?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

"No," I say, shaking my head, smiling a small smile.

"Also, don't call her Kitty!!" Ms. Bent exclaims.

"Ms. Bent is right," I say, nodding my head.

"None of that 'Ms. Bent' stuff. Call me Liza," Ms. Bent, or should I say Liza, says. 

Am I really worthy of calling her on a first name basis?

"Okay," I say anyway, albeit a little hesitantly.

She laughs. "Don't worry. I feel rather old anyway when people call me Ms. Bent."

I smile. "Liza it is then."

"Okay okay. So can I call you survivor?" Tyson asks.

"Okay Piggy," I say, smirking. Then I frown. "S-Sorry for teasing."

"Completely okay to do so, so you don't have to worry. Besides, his ego needs a little trim anyway," Liza says, smirking at Tyson.

"Hey!" Tyson says, affronted, and I can't help but chuckle. Two pairs of eyes stare at me, both faces sporting a big smile.

"His ego is a little too big, isn't it? It could be a planet of it's own!" I say, smiling slightly.

"Of course. When you do decide to joke around, it has to be at my expense," Tyson says, clutching his heart. He's way too dramatic than any person has the right to be.

"It's fun. Plus, it's just so easy to tease you," I say, chuckling.

"It's okay Pretty Green. I know somewhere in that deep dark heart of yours you do actually care for me," he says. I panic a little when I find out it's true. That I do care. About him. About a potential heart-breaker. But for some reason I don't mind.

"Pretty Green?" I ask instead, though the way my eyes soften show the truth. That I do care. That it's a first for me. That I'm not scared of it. That I'm glad I'm changing for the better. Slowly but surely, I'm changing.

"You're eyes, they're beautiful," he says, smiling slightly.

Instead of denying it though, I just say "Thanks." Maybe if I try I can finally believe it. Maybe if I try I can finally love myself.

Both pairs of eyes gleam with hope

And, for the first time in for ever, I let myself hope too.

------

Ooooookay did that take too long? I'm sorry. It's just that my parents took my phone and, long story short, I have to use the laptop again. 

Anyway, how was this? It's currently 12.40, at night or morning idek, where I am so I'm sure this isn't good at all and I didn't even proof-read it and I'm really sorry that this is a filler but... Yeah... just...

Here's a cookie for sticking up with my bullshit *Gives cookie to anyone who reads this, a cookie as big as my head*

But I'm hungry so I'm gonna take the cookie back. *takes cookie* *eats cookie*  Mwahahahaha NOW YOU SHALL REMAIN COOKIE-LESS!!!

Okay but seriously, here's a cookie *gives cookie the size of my head, in the shape of a fish* Happy??

Again sorry for the filler chapter that I wrote instead of sleeping.

Sleep. Such a beautiful word. *looks dreamily into space*

I'm sure I'm going to be thoroughly embarrassed later in the morning when I read this but... eh...

Also, have no idea what to nick-name Tiana. BUT I WILL NOT CHANGE TYSON'S NICK NAME I WILL NOT!!!

*Waves* *eats cookie in front of your face*

*says with a mouth full of cookie* Bye:)

*Gives you three cookies cuz I felt guilty*

Vote and Comment!!

*Waves*

Bye:)