Star Pov
I woke up with a bright smile on my face. Thinking about the kids me and Marco shared, I was fooling myself and him. I fell in love with him and he did as well but all I'm doing is messing with his head and that's the last thing I wanted to do. I sigh and look at my arm seeing my veins and seeing the dark bruises.

I wanted this surgery but I'm scared that I won't actually be okay afterwards. Its either I suffer in pain my whole life? Or die doing the procedure? I can't really win and there is yet I have done! I wanted to be able to go to a hotel, see the whole city from the tallest building and be able to make love if that was even possible?

I blushed pushing those thoughts aside, I felt slightly better but I couldn't really stand for too long or my legs gives out. I moan in pain as I try move my legs but they were numb and I couldn't feel anything. This pain was getting me upset and very annoyed but I've dealt with it my whole life.

As the day went on Eliza came and visited me and sat across from me "So is that guy your boyfriend?" I shook my head "No he's my best friend..why do you ask so much about him?" "Because he's really cute and your pretty! He should be your boyfriend already?" I giggled at her and shook my head

"I don't want him to suffer when I'm gone" Eliza lost her smirk and looked worried "When your gone? What does that mean?" "Well I have a surgery coming up and well? There's a chance I won't survive..and I'll soon be with the stars in the sky" Eliza had tears in her eyes as she hugged me and began to cry

"Don't say things like this! You should always stay positive no matter what!" I sigh and lowered my head. It was true though, staying positive even though your not okay? I've been acting positive since I got diagnosed with it. All my positivity has been drained from me until I met Marco. He seemed to make my day a little better even though I feel like poop.

As Eliza calmed down she looked at me. "Please stay positive" I smiled and nodded "I'll try my best" "You promise?" I nodded "Yes Eliza" after that moment Oskar came in with fresh flowers and treats "Hey, afternoon ladies?" I smiled at him "Hey Oskar how are you?" He shrugs "I'm alright sorry I've been m.i.a for awhile" I nodded

"Yeah? Where you been?" "Well school and other things sorry star" I smiled and let it go "That's okay, it matters you here now, right?" He nods and pulls a chair by me and we talk for hours. Eventually Eliza leaves due to her chemo so I stayed with oskar "How you feeling?" He asked looking at me "Emotionally or physically?"

He chuckles softly "Both.." I sigh "I'm drained and tired and just want the pain to go away" I started to cry and Oskar moved closer to me "Hey, it's okay? You'll get through this" he held my face just like Marco and he leaned in and kissed me but I move away and lower my head "I'm sorry" I said as he let go "No I should be the one saying sorry..I shouldn't have done that"

he sat down and the room was quiet and all you could hear was our steady breathing and the machines. "I love you star.." I turned towards Oskar as his face was flushed "It doesn't seem like it but..I really do and I know you told Jackie you had a crush on me and stuff but Marco told me he also love you too"

I blushed knowing Marco felt the same way "Oskar I can't love you or anyone because I don't want to make you or anyone suffer when I'm gone" he looked worried "Gone as dead?" I nodded "Star don't think like that is even say things like that? You're supposed to be positive and upbeat kicking this condition in the butt"

I smiled a little but I didn't want to look at him "Well I have a surgery coming up..i might not pull through so that's why I'm saying it" his eyes turned red and tears danced down his face "Star your gonna pull through, you hear me?" I shake my head

"Who knows? Let's see what happens?" Oskar couldn't take it and he pulled me into an embrace and kissed me again but this time I kissed back crying because I wouldn't love him the way I love Marco. As he pulled away he said goodbye and left me alone feeling dazed and sad.

All I wanted was to have Marco be here and cuddle me and tell me sweet things. I lay down and began to cry, every little things was making me weak and feel worse. Marco wouldn't want me to feel like this? He would've wanted me to be strong and brave even though he's afraid.

I pick up my cellphone and dial his number as I wait for him to pick up I just wanted to hear his voice. "Hello? Star is everything okay?" I smiled and ran my hand down my chest "Yeah..I'm okay I just wanted to chat for few" his chuckle was everything to me, it sent shivers through my body.

I kept running my hand down my body to my legs where they were slightly numb "How you feeling?" "Alright..kinda tired" we chatted on and I was trying not picture him here hovering over me placing small kisses all over my body. I blushed as I let out a small moan "Uh star are you? Okay?"

I felt embarrassed and made an excuse about my legs "Yeah my legs are killing me..can't move them and I kept help but moan and groan at the pain" he sighs "Oh alright? Well I gotta get off the phone..see you tomorrow okay?"

I nodded but felt dumb afterwards "Yeah..okay" he hung up and I felt disgusted with myself but wasn't it normal for a girl to feel this way? Isn't it part of life? To have these desires once and awhile? Or I'm just dirty minded? I covered my face with my arm and groan in annoyance. How will I ever get it done?