Chapter 2

My body should be my temple. Instead, it feels more like my prison. Sometimes I feel like my body nor my mind is my own. For my whole life I've been living for others. My family, my friends, but never myself. I always wondered that if I found true happiness, would I even wanna live anymore? Or maybe that'd be the day I die in peace.

I was born Mariah Rosa. At a young age, my body was poisoned with a curse from my parents. I was a sickly child. There were literally something always wrong with me. I believe my parents were just looking for things to find that was wrong. I can't remember a year that didn't lay my head on a hospital bed. I believe that's why they're so overprotective over me now. I'm an only child and even though at the age of 18, I'm still their baby.

I was adopted when I was 2 years old. My parents couldn't have children and my biological parents just couldn't have me. I didn't find out until my cousin Sam told me one day while we're in a heated argument over the last piece of pie on thanksgiving. He eventually let me have the piece, after I beat him with a rolling pin. I was only 11, I'll never forget that day.

Growing up, I managed to make two long lasting and loyal friends. There was a time I didn't have those two by my side, so to have them next to me every step of the way now makes me even more grateful. Jayde and Crystal are my back bones, I wouldn't know what I would do without them.

In 4th grade, I met Jayde. She was the only person in class who accepted me because we both didn't look like the rest. My parents keep telling me I'm black but my skin tells me something else. Or so it does the class. I got called a "wet back" on a daily. Jayde got outcasted by the rest of the class simply because she was darker than the other kids. I always admired her golden chocolate skin. She used to cry sometimes as she walked home, so I would walk with her to try to cheer her up.

By high school, she embraced her beauty and found her confidence. I'm so proud to have witnessed her go from being ashamed of being black to being proud that she was blessed with it. That's around the time that I met Crystal. She and Jayde didn't even like each other initially. But would you believe me if I said that a guy is what brought us together?

Freshman year until Graduation, I was dating this guy named Joey who basically pushed his way into my life. Me being young & dumb, and also rebellious towards my parents since I couldn't have a boyfriend, I dealt with his shit for 4 years. Of course we were on and off but the duration was long enough.

Some time between Sophomore and Junior year, Crystal moved here from Georgia. Joey just couldn't wait to put his hands on her. Within a month, Crystal believed she was dating my boyfriend. The crazy part is, she didn't even know we were dating. I know you're probably thinking how'd we become from this, but just be patient.

One day, Joey dumped me in front of the whole school and she stood up for me and dumped him. Of course me being young and dumb, I took him back senior year and I think that still bothers her til this day but obviously that didn't last long.

Joey did nothing but cheat on me, lie to me, and he tried to steal my virginity from me. He may be the epitome of perfection when it comes to the high school stats. But unfortunately, that's all he's good for. Status & im no longer in high school. I only agreed to taking him back because him & my cousin Sam are best friends. They're like tweedle dee and tweedle dum. You don't ever find them without each other and Sam loves his status just as much as Joey does. My cousin Sam has played the big brother role in my life since I could remember. We fight like siblings do but we both know it's all love. I know he would never let anything to happen to me and I to him.

So, you can see. I have so many people I live for. But when I look in the mirror at the end of the day.. I can't find a reason to live. Not anymore. I would like to know how it feels to want to live. I've had suicidal thoughts for years know but I feel like I owe my family and friends so much that it would be selfish of me to do. What hurts the most is that I should want to live for myself, for my future, for life itself. Why is it so hard to find yourself?

After I finished getting dressed in my pajamas, I laid in bed and decided to finish reading a Lesbian Fiction on Wattpad I started the other day. Usually I finish reading a book in a couple days, but I can't read these kind of books around my family nor friends. I mean, I'm not gay or anything but my parents are religious. Plus, Crystal and Jayde don't read books no way. I just love.. love. It's something I could never find so I have no problem with stories about Love in all its ways shapes and forms.

"Oooh, you watching porn?!" Sam yelled as he barged in my room. I jumped and held my chest as I exited out Wattpad. I was in the middle of a sex scene too.

"Shut up, You gone wake my dad up!" I replied with a frown.

"Nobody here, they told me to babysit." He smirked. His 6 foot 1 built stretched across my doorway with an evil look in his brown eyes.

"Why they always got you babysitting me and we the same age?!" I complained. "I'm grown asf, I don't need yo big head ass watching me all the time."

"Oh, but you do." He replied while crossing his arms. "Aye, we finna throw a party here this weekend and Imma need to you work with me to get them out the house with my parents for the weekend."

"You have your own place, do it there-"

"Uh, no. I have an apartment. You live in a damn mansion. It's gone be here, df?" He cut me off and laughed. I heard someone in the background laugh with him.

"Ughh, please don't tell me you got this lame ass friend of yours in my house!" I scolded him.

"This lame ass friend has a name." Joey walked around the corner and entered my room while licking his lips.

"Get the fuck out, now." I demanded. I'm upset but I'm also getting nervous because the last time he was in my room, he tried to fuck me. Not to mention he was recording the whole time too!

"Look cuz, either you help me... or I tell your parents you had a boy in here." He blackmailed me and Joey smirked as he but his bottom lip.

"Nice try, but I'll just tell them the truth-"

"I would hate for them to get a video of me in here, on that bed, your shirt off.." he winked at me referring to the video he got of him basically attempting to rape me before he heard my parents come home.

"Fine.." I surrendered and mugged them both.

"Woah.. what?" Sam asked curiously as he glared at Joey.

"Get the fuck out of my room, NOW!" I said angrily. Life.. I really do hate you.

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How do you feel about Mariah?

Do you think Sam & Joey are gonna stay bestfriends?

What about Crystal & Mariah?

Did you like the chapter?

Soundtrack Song #2 : Honey by Kehlani