♪♪How can I erase decisions I've made?

How do I go back? What more can I say?

All that remains are hearts filled with shame

How do we say we're sorry? ♪♪

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ [Blank Page] - [Christina Aguilera]

══════ ✿❁︾❁✿ ══════

The room stilled for a second as everyone took in the weight of her words. Ronnie's slumped position became more alert, Kian turned straight to Esmé with a raised eyebrow and Hermione's mouth fell open, though she was the first one to recover and plunge the silence with a sneer.

"Of course you do." She glowered with a pinched expression.

Esmé's brow arched upwards at the tone of her voice, but she didn't settle there as Ronnie pulled her attention to him.

"She told you about it?" he asked in a cautioned tone.

"She took me there."

Ronnie bolted into a standing position from his seat, snagging his car keys from the table where it was. "Then, what are we doing? Let's go?"

The others stood up except Kian.

"What are you doing, man?"

"Esmé should be the only one to go actually," Kian said, looking inward, deep in thought.

"What?" Hermione and Esmé asked together with scrunched up brows.

"What do you mean by that?" Esmé further asked.

Kian looked up at her and then at Ronnie. "What exactly are you going to do when you get to where she is?" he asked him.

The question shot a hole into Ronnie's confident stance and made him draw backwards.

"You haven't thought that far, have you?"

"But what does that have to do with me going alone? I'm pretty sure I'm the last person she wants to see. It's definitely not the person not batting on a full wicket."

He sucked in a harsh breath, pausing for a second before he stood up to look at her. He tried not to make it show just how affected he was anytime she mentioned that, but softened his gaze as they met her hard glare. "Please listen to me, okay? You just proved my point right now by referring to yourself like that and you're going to keep doing it until you have a one on one with Petra. The rest of us here hurt her, but you're the only one she hurt and that's why I think you should go first even if it's not to go comfort her but just to show her how you feel."

Ronnie watched them silently. This did not settle well with him at all. He scowled at Kian. "Are we expected to just wait here while she goes?"

"Yes," Hermione said, staring at Esmé like she suddenly understood something she didn't before.

Esmé didn't know how she felt about going to see Petra alone, she knew how Kian felt about this and she trusted his judgement, but it didn't make it easy.

With Kian's questioned look pointed at her, she sighed. "Fine." A smile appeared on his lips. "But I'll need a bottle of beer."

And it dropped as fast as it came. "What? Absolutely not."

"What do you mean, absolutely not? You're asking me to go do something I'm not totally into and you don't want me to take something that'll unwind my nerves?" Her voice dropped low, and she arched an eyebrow up.

But it didn't faze him this time. "I'm not trying to control you or tell you what to do, Esmé. I can't let it happen because I don't even know where you're going..."

"It's close to here."

"Secondly..."

"For goodness' sake Kian, if the woman wants hooch, give it to her."

Kian narrowed his eyes at Ronnie before turning back to Esmé. He gave her a glassy stare. "Can the woman in question handle her alcohol intake because I know her to be a lightweight?"

Esmé's cheeks flared up. Her first encounter with the alcohol burned into her memory. "I'll be fine."

"Not convincing enough."

"I promise, okay? Just get me a bottle of beer with less alcohol percentage and, boom, Bob's, your uncle. I will be fine. And you have something like that here, don't you, Ronnie?"

The both of them turned to Ronnie immediately, and he staggered backwards like he wanted to hide himself from their gazes. Kian's narrowed gaze and Esmé's hopeful one. The combination of the two scared the crap out of him.

"He does," Hermione replied and Esmé sighed, grateful for her reply.

"See?" she turned back to Kian. "It'll all be fine, I promise." She smiled up at him, and Kian couldn't help but drop the intensity of his gaze. It was the first time in a while he had seen her really smile at him, even if it was because she wanted to have her way.

"Just give up, Esmé..."Ronnie began.

"Fine." Kian condescended and Ronnie choked on his words, staring at Kian with wide, unbelieving eyes.

Hermione wasted no time getting the drinks as Ronnie still stared at the alien of a best friend who was standing in his apartment.

"Are you sure you don't need us to drive you somewhere?" Kian asked her as he escorted her to the door, oblivious to the look on Ronnie's face.

"Don't be silly, it's just..." Esmé began, but stopped and groaned internally. Damn secrets following her everywhere.

"It's fine." Kian nodded in understanding. "Just... be safe and get it all out of your chest. This might not be the best idea because she might still be unstable. It's hard to tell sometimes with Petra. So I might hate myself for doing this, but if you've had the same effect on Petra as you have on me, I want to think she'd be reasonable."

Esmé smiled fully at him and gave him a peck on the lips before she turned around and left the apartment.

"My goodness, Kian. You. Are. So. Whipped!"

She heard Ronnie shout as she made her way to the elevator.

"And you're not?" Kian retorted. "Besides, people love a good whipped cream, don't they?"

══════ ☆︾★ ══════

A smile remained on Esmé's lips as she went on. When he said things like that, it was hard to keep the fluttering in her stomach to a minimum.

Yes, it was corny most times, but then again, it was Kian talking.

The smile dropped just as the elevator pinged. 

She had reached her destination. 

Esmé took in a deep breath before she stepped out of the elevator onto the rooftop.

The breeze welcomed her into its sweet, savouring feeling, warming her up from within. She had to give it to Petra no matter what. It was the perfect place. Though the sky wasn't dark like the last time, the view still held the beauty of a well-written novel glowing to be heard by the world.

Moving further out on the roof, she noticed the littered bottles of beer on the floor with some broken by the side. Her steps going on further went on carefully but faltered once her eyes settled on Petra.

Her caramel straight hair swayed behind her with her gaze locked onto the city ahead.

Esmé paused, waiting for a reaction, a shout for her to leave. Anything because she knew from the slight shift in Petra's posture she sensed her presence, but nothing came.

She stood where she was, unsure of what step to take from there. It was like in Ronnie's case, but she figured if it had been Ronnie standing in her place, he wouldn't have been still or kept quiet. And yet even with this in her mind, Esmé couldn't bring herself to start a conversation.

What was she meant to say?

The weight of the nylon in her hand suddenly felt heavier, drawing Esmé's attention to it.

Yes, a solution to her problem at the moment.

She moved without sparing Petra a glance and sat down at the edge of the roof like Petra, but far from her. Her legs dangled over the edge while she placed the nylon by her side, taking a can from inside it with no hesitation. Opening it and taking a series of gulps from it. She grimaced, almost spraying the entire content on unsuspecting individuals below.

It still wasn't for her.

Petra glanced her way, causing Esmé to freeze. It was with this note that Petra turned away from her.

They stayed silent like that, with no one acknowledging the other, but their thoughts stayed anything but silent.

The eerie silence matching their wayward thoughts ate at them slowly, driving them crazy. It continued until it felt choking and then they both turned to each other, Esmé with a glare and annoyance that Petra was going to make her take the first move and Petra with puffy red eyes.

Esmé had a double-take at the sight before her. While she didn't expect Petra to look like her best, it didn't prevent the sting at the sight of her. Her ever silky hair looked dry and disarrayed like someone had pulled on the hair many times thanks to a catfight.

Looking at Petra reminded Esmé why she believed she wasn't ready to do any of this. Staring right back at her was a large gash that was formed in her heart. How could she sit there and think she could even stay calm enough to listen to Petra's side of the story?

She couldn't do it.

She stood up instantly and turned to leave, but Petra stood up too, hot on her tails.

"Esmé, wait, please," she cried.

Esmé whipped around to face Petra with a glare. Her emotions weighed on a strong imbalance as she stared at Petra. "Please?" she snapped. "Please what? What's the use of that now? The worst has been done, has it not?"

Petra winced at Esmé's sharp tone with a pained expression on her face but didn't step down. 

She stiffened with the internal battle within her being fierce. Standing in front of her was remorse that tugged at every angry string in her heart, begging for it to loosen up a bit. But Esmé wasn't a hundred per cent sure it was what she wanted.

Seeing the struggle within Esmé's eyes, Petra didn't stop. She took a step forward, ready to keep pleading, but Esmé took one back instantly and it froze Petra in her tracks.

"I know how much it hurts." Petra started to which Esmé scoffed at.

"Believe me, I do," she continued. "I... You deserved nothing of sort, Esmé especially with information you trusted me with and I just... I'm s- sorry," She paused, casting her head down.

"There's no excuse I can give you that will justify anything, but I was hurt and I wanted, no I needed to hurt someone back and I knew the others would take it. It wouldn't get to them, but..."

Esmé couldn't believe her ears as her heart cracked even deeper than it had before. "I was the best target?" she asked, her voice laced with anger. "Is that it? Because I've never seen you in that light, you saw a need to make me see that by throwing the major thing I was insecure about right back at me? How could you?" But she gave her no time to respond as a thought crossed her mind. "Is that what you did to Lucija, too? Hurt her where she least expected it?"

The tears now fell from Petra's eyes but with her determined shame, she didn't back off and stood in front of Esmé and nodded her head with a heavy sigh.

Who was she kidding, thinking this whole confrontation was going to be easy? With every word that poured into her mind and every word that came out of Petra's lips, the cracks in her heart kept increasing. "The satisfied look on your face is forever burnt into my memory; it must have felt good, huh?"

"No! I mean, yes but it was for just a moment. The regret settled in almost immediately but I was angry and I let myself believe you deserved it so I masked my regret with anger. Holding to my anger as I drank helped numb any sober thought that would make me feel bad about what I did. Just another stupid coping mechanism I had adopted."

Esmé's rigid stance faltered as she recognized just what she had done the past days too. While they were not in the same degree, she had also held onto her hurt dismissing any other thought that would make the guilt she initially felt towards Petra numb.

Petra looked around at the littered floor and shook her head not holding back the tears. "And when the alcohol stopped coming, it was a bloody nightmare. Everything I had done from the beginning to the point of hurting you came flooding back to me at maximum force and it broke me. I was back in the hospital relieving the moment," she paused and looked away from Esmé towards the night sky.

"When Ronnie told me about Hermione and him, I just... It triggered it all. It swept all the emotions I thought I had disposed of from underneath the rugs where they hid, which sent me back to where I started seven years ago. Hurt, betrayed and angry."

Seven years ago. The constant hearing of the year got the question that had been plaguing Esmé flowing from her mind.

"Who is he?" Esmé asked. "Who hurt you so much, you had to go through all this?"

Petra paused slightly at the question before letting the question skin and reply. Her voice dropped low carrying the weight of the sadness in her heart. "His name is William. William Dray."

"What happened exactly?"

"He was my high school crush turned boyfriend, the label that dragged on to college and through my nursing school. We were the real deal or well, that's what I thought. One visit was all it took for me to realise that I was the only one living in that dreamland. I went to see him as planned. I needed the break.

It was what we talked about before I came over, but apparently the break I thought meant differed from what I meant. When I got to his apartment, he was with his younger sister's best friend, who he supposedly was already in love with."

Esmé choked on her insults, saying nothing and instead she let Petra pour out her pain.

She continued, "Turns out I missed the signs."

Miss.

Esmé remembered when Petra asked Ronnie what she missed in the hospital and his reaction to it. If that had been what William used on her, it was understandable why that would have hurt more than anything.

Taking a deep breath in, Esmé looked at Petra with a calmer gaze. She opened her mouth to talk, but Petra wasn't done.

"So being thrust back to that nightmare wasn't child's play, but when I got compounded with all the whirlwind of emotions and thoughts, I didn't know how I could face any of you." She finally turned back to Esmé, staring at her straight on.

"Especially you. And that's why I'm not telling you my sob story, so you can feel sorry for me, but I want to ask for you to forgive me. You didn't deserve to get hurt because I couldn't let go of something bitter to enjoy the sweetness of life and instead I had to taint that sweetness, too.

"You coming here reminded me just how much I don't deserve your friendship or forgiveness. To think you came here despite everything..."

Esmé scoffed, shaking her head. "You'd have to thank Kian for that. I don't think I'm exactly the perfect friend you think I am." And as she said this, puzzles in her racing mind finally fit into place.

They weren't perfect and their conclusions on their imperfections were what would determine how they both moved on from there.

"Maybe not, but if you didn't want to come, you wouldn't have."

There was no need to dispute a truth that lay clearly before both their eyes and so Esmé didn't bother. "What do you plan to do now?" she asked instead.

Petra's lips curved up a bit."I want to make up for the past seven years I've wasted being bitter, the right way this time. I should get an appointment with a therapist for the first step once I get enough strength to go down." She shuddered a bit as she said this, but the determined look in her eyes let Esmé know she was ready to do anything, no matter how that made her feel.

And that was all it took for any visible remnant of her anger to fade away. Yes, her wariness was still going to be there. Petra had broken her trust after all, but Petra was someone she believed was worth fighting for. She had been the one family she could rely on when she had none. They couldn't go back to where they started, but if they both thought it worth it, they could fight for their friendship.

"Then allow me to lend you my strength," Esmé said holding her hand out with a smile to which Petra returned with a smile of her own.

"Thank you."

══════ ✿❁︾❁✿ ══════

Sweety Molly!

My sincerest apologies for the lack of updates in the last two Fridays. I hit quite a huge wall with this chapter but I hope this works well enough.

There'll definitely be an update this Friday which would bring us to having exactly eleven more chapters to go!

I'm so excited! And I'm hoping to see you all at the end?

That aside, how was the chapter? What part stood out to you and what part felt a bit too forced? Let me know your thoughts!💭💭

Till next time!💕