'But there is all this time between

when the cracks start to open up

and when we finally fall apart'

[John Green]

><><

Chin resting on her hand, Adeline's thoughts drowned out the monotone, flat voice of Professor Binns in her History of Magic class. She'd been feeling weaker and weaker everyday, sending her mind into a blurry mess of when that day would come; unsure of how much time she really had left, how much longer she would actually last. And although it was still a couple of months until the start of July, she couldn't help but wonder whether she really had that long left, or if her time would be cut short. These days, everyday felt like it could be her last.

She'd either sleep for too long or not at all. She was so cold seemingly all the time. Anxiety stirred in the pit of her stomach like a never-ending swarm of nauseating butterflies. At times, she even felt hollow—her hands would shake; her legs would tremble. She felt fragile and empty and vulnerable.

It felt so painfully hard to pull herself from these thoughts with how weak she felt; with the vivid grief she felt at the idea of being gone. With what would become of her at the start of July. With everything—everyone—she had to lose. Because if she felt like this now, with three or so more months to go, how would she feel the day of her death? She couldn't imagine feeling worse than she did right now.

Harry put a hand on her bouncing leg, stilling it, and she was brought back down to earth. As though she was some lone balloon, and he had tied her string around his wrist.

Unlike Hermione—who'd feverishly been taking notes, her quill scratching the parchment—, he too had been drowning out the ghost professor like always, his own quill laying unused on the wooden desk before him. Addie met his eyes and read the concern on his face without him needing to say a word.

She put her cold hand on top of his, and he entwined their fingers.

Adeline could never hide her anxiety from him nowadays, as they had, with everything they'd been through, become each other's support systems by now. Just the other night he'd broken down from thinking too much about Sirius; his head on her collarbone, her arms around his back as stifled sobs wracked his body, running her fingers through his black curls in an attempt to soothe him, despite the silent tears cascading her own face.

Focusing on the warmth of his palm, and the safe weight of his hand in hers on top of her thigh, she took long, slow breaths the way he taught her to ease her nerves. He'd also taught her another method of calming down—which was to take in the things around you; what you can see, hear, smell, taste, touch. She looked at the wooden desk before her, with old scratches and names of past students carved into it. She eyed the old book with a purple cover that Professor Binns was drowsily reading from at the front of the classroom, and noticed the lingering taste of one of Fred and George's sweets in her mouth that Ron had given her earlier.

She paid attention to the feeling of her uniform on her skin; loose, comfortable, and the way her shoe was touching Harry's below the desk. She thought of the gentle breeze coming in from outside, and the smell of pine, dewy grass and woodfire smoke that followed it. She paid attention to the soft scents of vanilla and the wood of broomsticks and something sweet lingering vaguely on Harry's skin beside her beneath his cologne. Whilst he said something to Ron beside him, she eyed the way his glasses rested a little down his nose; the way his hand warmed hers; the focused line of his jaw; a small freckle on the side of his neck; the amused upturn of his lips as he noticed that Professor Binns' droning had come to an end, replaced by light snores. And, as he turned around, she noticed the green of his eyes become a slightly different shade the afternoon light, and the way they softened as he looked at her.

><><

For some reason, Adeline had a lot more energy later that night, as the four—herself, Harry, Ron and Hermione—sat in the library, accompanying the studying bookworm as curfew neared. It was probably from the fits of laughter they'd had that afternoon after skipping their Defence Against the Dark Arts double period to try out new Weasley's Wizard Wheezes products that the twins had sent Ron. Although it took some convincing for Hermione, given that they were nearing the start of the exam season, she eventually gave in after Ron promised to eat the grossest Bernie Botts' Every Flavour Beans if she joined them; keen to avoid Snape's deathly scowl.

A warm, comforting glow lit their corner of the library now as Addie read a Herbology book that Neville had recommended. Ron and Harry procrastinated their already overdue Potions essays by going around the library with lists that Hermione had written out, collecting books for a Transfiguration reference list as she edited the essay.

Addie flinched as Ron dumped a stack of varying books onto the desk she and Hermione were sharing, spurring up dust. "Sorry, Ads," he spared her a glance, and let out a sleepy huff. He sat down on a chair beside Hermione's. "How many bloody books does one reference list need?"

"More than that," Hermione said without looking up, crossing out a word, and he groaned in response, resting his forehead on the table. From the other direction, Harry walked over with another stack of books up to his chin, and balanced them on the desk, splitting the pile in half so they wouldn't fall.

"You've read all of these?" he motioned to them, and Hermione sighed, looking up from her parchment as he pulled up a chair beside Addie—despite still having another dozen books to collect.

"I haven't read them entirely—just sections, or quotes, of each one," she stood, putting her quill back into its ink pot, and picked up a book from the top of the stack. "I usually leave doing my reference list to the end. It's sort of satisfying, isn't it?" she grinned, giddy at just the idea, though scoffed as Ron scrunched his face in response.

"New perfume?"

Addie looked over her book to Harry in the opposite chair. She nodded, smiling. "Lavender."

"Where?" Ron suddenly sat up, his eyes wide and darting around. Hermione snickered.

Adeline, feeling the dryness of her lips, balanced the open Herbology book on her legs and dug into her skirt's pocket, pulling out her chapstick. As she opened the tube and ran the smooth surface over her lips, Addie looked up to see Harry's gaze flicker from her lips to her eyes.

"What?" she laughed, pulling the chapstick away from her mouth, their knees touching.

"Nothing," he said a little too quickly, and cleared his throat. "What, uh, flavour is that?"

Addie hummed, rubbing her lips together as she looked at the tube, and then back up at him. "The label came off, but it tastes like vanilla."

"Can I try it?"

"Yeah," she sat up and moved to hand it to Harry—but instead of taking the tube, he leaned in and kissed her. Adeline's face flushed at the sudden contact, his lips soft and endearing on her own, and he lingered for a moment before pulling away—aware of their company.

"Holy shit," he said. "It does taste like vanilla!"

She—and the other two—gaped at him as he stood and casually went to collect the rest of the books as though nothing had happened; Addie's stomach doing all kinds of flips, her cheeks pink. She traded looks with the other two; Hermione's eyes were wide, though laughing a little in shock of his boldness, and Ron was ripping the edge of a spare piece of parchment.

"Can I use your quill—I need to write that one down—" he muttered, borrowing Hermione's quill, scribbling frantically onto the parchment. Addie closed her book and put it on the desk swiftly. She stood and left the two for the direction that Harry went, though not before Ron called after her in a whisper-yell, "Don't let Madam Pince catch you two snogging!"

She stifled a laugh, and wandered along one of the long aisles, looking for him. It was quiet in the library at such a late hour, and her shoes clicked on the dark wooden floorboards as she peered into the rows of towering shelves filled to the brim with books, dimly lit by the flickering warm glow of candles and desk lamps as light patters of rain hit the windows. Aside from the rare studying student every now and then, the four seemed to have the library to themselves—and after venturing far from their little corner, Addie doubled back as she finally spotted Harry's figure at one of the shelves, fingers tracing the covers, Hermione's list in his other hand, head tilting to read some of the spines, pulling one out.

Addie made her way over to him, and he looked up from the cover to her and smiled.

"What was that?" Addie asked, laughing a little as she came to his side, her voice low to avoid attention from Madame Pince. He tore his gaze from her and continued scanning the bookshelf innocently.

"What was what?"

She stepped in front of Harry, purposefully blocking his view of the books and crossed her arms, leaning against the shelf. His eyes met hers.

"'It does taste like vanilla!'" Addie mimicked his voice, amused, and he chuckled. "My face is all pink now! What was that?"

"It's flirting," he hummed casually again, looking at the covers above her head, and she stood on her tip toes, trying to draw his eyes back to her.

"What's flirting?" she asked, but he pretended to ignore her light-heartedly. "Tell me!" she laughed, and he put his hand on the shelf beside her, arm stretched out, and finally gave in, looking down to her and offering his attention again.

"It's, like, teasing but in a good way," he said, getting lost in her eyes that held that familiar, alluring depth to them. "But since we're together it's just between us."

"Well, I can flirt too!" Addie said, and he leaned in a little. "I can do it better," she added, laughing as he raised his brow.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah!"

"Like how?"

She tugged his tie a little, bringing him down to her level; closer to her face than he'd already been. Addie caught his eyes flicker down to her lips almost immediately, and she laughed quietly in response. His minty breath fanned her lips as he leaned in a little more, and she wrapped her arms around the back of his neck, inching a little closer.

"Like this," she said, almost touching his lips, then suddenly pulling away before he could close the gap between them. Addie laughed at the pink that tinted his cheeks. "See?"

Harry cleared his throat. She looked so pretty in the low light, her arms still around his neck. "Actually, I take it back. Flirting is another word for kissing, so you're doing it wrong."

"Is that so?" she smiled, reusing his words.

"Mhm," he hummed in response, and brought his hand from the shelf beside her to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. Her skin tingled beneath his touch.

"Kiss me then," she said, and he did.

His hand rested lightly on her jaw, soft lips finally pressed against hers, smiling into the kiss as he tasted the sweet vanilla of her chapstick. At the back of his neck, her fingers edged into his hair, playing with the soft, dark strands, thankful for the shelf her back leaned against. Addie felt her legs could buckle at any minute from the butterflies coursing through her chest, after all.

"You realise I was joking about you two going off to snog, right?"

Adeline pulled away as she dissolved into laughter, and the two turned to see Ron making a face at them from the aisle, balancing a stack of books.

"You can't talk, we had to put up with you and Lavender—sorry, She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named— for months," Harry laughed, his voice low so as to not summon Madame Pince. Ron shuddered.

"Never bring up She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named again and I'll stop complaining about the two of you snogging. Deal?"

"Deal."

"There you two are," Hermione came into view, eyeing them sceptically. Addie lowered her arms from the back of his neck. "Did you get the rest of the books? What've you been doing this whole time?"

"Reading," Harry said nonchalantly, showing her the book he'd been holding.

"Upside down?" she crossed her arms, and Addie stifled a laugh.

"Ah—" he flipped it the right way around. "So that's why it was making no sense!"

Hermione rolled her eyes, biting back a smile, Adeline only now noticing the fatigue that stung her eyes. As if sensing this, the bookworm looked to her. "I'll keep the boys here a bit longer, Addie, but Ginny's around here somewhere if you wanted to go back to the dorm?"

Addie nodded gratefully, and the four left the aisle to find the red-haired girl in question. Nudging Harry's arm, she looked up to him as he walked beside her. "Can I stay in your dorm?"

He smiled. "'Course, Ads. I won't be much longer here."

And so, Adeline left the library with Ginny, who told her all about how annoying Snape had been during her Defence Against the Dark Arts class earlier that morning, and that he was a, quote, 'Greasy, beady-eyed bat who needs a hobby'.

They reached the common room, and Adeline changed into her pyjamas—that weren't technically pyjamas, but rather a mix of thick socks, sweatpants and Harry's quidditch sweater—before making her way to Harry's dormitory.

She opened the door, and her eyes went to Neville and Dean in the middle of a card game she didn't recognise, sitting cross-legged on the carpet, empty wrappers of sweets around them. They smiled at her, chorusing hello's, used to her company in their dorm by now. She slipped inside, and closed the door behind herself.

"Where's Harry?" Neville asked, popping a sweet in his mouth, and she smiled and shook her head as he offered her one.

"At the library, he'll be here in a bit."

"We can take this to the common room if you want," Dean offered, motioning to the card game as she yawned. "It can get pretty loud."

She shook her head softly, "It's alright. I reckon I could sleep through a hurricane right now," she laughed, fiddling with the sleeves of Harry's sweater as she moved to his bed, sitting on it. They smiled.

"Just tell us if we're too loud," Neville said, and they traded goodnights with her before returning to their game quietly. Addie slid beneath the covers and pulled the blankets over her, and the boys turned the dormitory lights off for her as she laid down.

Sitting up, she made to protest—feeling bad, as they wouldn't be able to play their game now—but as she peered over their way in the dark, she saw that they had their wands out, illuminating the cards, and continuing the game in whispers. She laid back down, her back to them, smiling a little to herself.

><><

"We'll start with what we know," Hermione said quietly, drawing the candle on their desk nearer. The two boys leaned in closer from their sides of the table, open books scattered across the wood. "The magic that causes her to become...well, evil, is dark magic. Harry, you've seen it the most out of all of us—what actually happens when Addie turns into it?"

"This dark fog stuff starts appearing at her feet," he recalled. "And eventually it covers her completely. Then it disappears, and what's left is the evil thing."

"Is it a demon?" Ron asked. "Because I really think it could be a demon."

"I agree," Hermione nodded, and the ginger smiled a little. "It's highly possible that Voldemort—somehow—summoned a demon and...included it in the potion, maybe. It's just about the darkest that magic gets, so he would've put it in Addie to keep it contained; under his control."

"Are we supposed to find an exorcist or something then? Would that even work?"

"I don't know...it's different than just possession since its in her blood—a ritual probably wouldn't work."

"So, we're dealing with possession? Transfiguration, maybe?" Ron asked.

"Not exactly," Hermione said. "Well, maybe. It's hard to know. Addie's appearance changes quite a bit, even her clothes. It's sort of...both a transformation and possession. The only similar magic I can link it to is werewolves, really."

"How?"

"Well, think of Remus. He isn't always in the physical werewolf form, but when a full moon comes around, he transforms—the curse he got after he was bitten is always there, but it doesn't always make an appearance. It's like how Addie isn't always in the evil form, but when there's a spell cast to transform her or a death eater puts their fingers on her wrist the way Bellatrix did, she transforms."

"That makes sense—sort of—but..." Harry looked at the melting wax on the candle. "I can get her out of it—out of the evil form—without the spell that Dumbledore uses. And he said we had this soul connection or something? How does that tie into all this? How come the dark magic is killing her already—wouldn't he have thought of that? And why the Black Lake of all places—And, why would Voldemort go to such lengths to make these dark potions if it can be reversed with a spell—or by me literally talking to her that night on the Astronomy Tower?"

"That's just it—" Hermione said, and pulled one of the books closer to her, flipping though the pages and tracing her finger along the words as she read. "Werewolves lose themselves in their beast form and kill anything, even if they don't want to. But in European folktales, in stories, they talk about if someone who loved them—was terrified, but loved them anyway—reached out through the fear, through the monster, to the person underneath...if they reached out and called them by name, then it would remind them of who they are—that they're loved—and they would be human again." She looked up. "And although we know that doesn't actually work for werewolves, it worked for Addie. Dumbledore said your souls are connected—and, well, I guess they are."

"You've lost me."

"And me," Ron added.

"Soul mates, Harry. You were able to reach through the 'monster' to Addie underneath because you love her. And, well, as cheesy as it sounds, it's been theorised for centuries that love itself has magical properties. That it's the one form of magic that can truly repel dark magic; something that Voldemort overlooks because he's...well, Voldemort. You can make Addie human again because you love her to such an extent that it transgresses the powers of dark magic. You make her feel human, Harry."

><><

Half an hour later, after tedious—and unsuccessful—reading up on remedies and any possible cure for Adeline's sickness, Madam Pince finally sent the three to their common rooms as curfew came around. Harry and Ron stepped quietly into their dorm, keeping their feet light on the carpet, and found their way to their respective beds despite the room being cloaked in shadow.

Harry changed into his pyjamas in the dark and slid under the covers, reaching his arm out for Adeline automatically. She was already sound asleep, her back to him, and he pulled the blankets further up to cover her still shoulders. Until, that is, she rolled over at his touch in a half-sleep state; moving to him instinctively, and he wrapped an arm around her, drawing her closer to his chest. Harry's heart warmed as her slow, soft breath touched his neck, and the subtle, lingering scent of her green-apple shampoo met his senses like a form of catharsis.

><><

a/n:

helloooooooo

haddie owns my heart

thank you guys for all your support on this series!! trust is almost at 500k which is insane omg. thank u all sm for your votes and comments and everything in between mwah ily all <33

[also there are, um, three chapters left of angels AHHH]

P.S...

I'd just like to point out that in no way am I trying to romanticise mental health illnesses such as the anxiety shown in this chapter—and the same thing goes with my other books that deal with themes of grief and the implied effects on mental health! Just when writing the start of this chapter, I felt like it could come across this way, so here's a bit of a disclaimer:

When I write about the mental health struggles that my characters go through, such as the anxiety in this chapter that Addie was experiencing, I'm not intending to romanticise this by Harry being the one to calm her down as an excuse to have them hold hands or something.

Rather, I find it a much more realistic approach to talk about the struggles they go through, as I feel like the effects of the war on Harry's mental health wasn't discussed so much in the books, when realistically he's a teenage boy with the weight of the world on his shoulders bottling up so much grief for just one person.

I believe Harry and Adeline being able to support and help each other through their grief and anxiety is really important to the relationship they have with one another—it isn't just an excuse to get some cute scenes with them. It's intended to be raw and real and much deeper than that. The conflict between love and darkness is a key theme in the Harry Potter series, and I intend to reflect these themes in my own works.

If anyone reading this is struggling with their mental health, please know there are people who love you, and many support systems available. Please don't hesitate to reach out! <33

-g