H a r r y

Walking into my apartment after the boxing session, I let the door shut behind me with a loud slam. Not caring that it was way past midnight and Anthony or Brad might be asleep as I rolled my sore shoulder back in exhaustion. Sauntering past the kitchen, I moved around the apartment and turned to head down the hallway towards my room when I heard a loud moan. I paused, eyebrows furrowing in confusion when the sound of another loud feminine moan drifted down the hallway. My confusion turned to annoyance when I realized it came from Brad's room and I shook my head, pivoting on my foot and walking back towards my room.

Opening the door, I tossed my gym bag on the floor then went to my dresser to pull out some clean clothes. I grabbed a clean towel from another dresser and headed back out my room to go to the restroom. Robotically, I stripped out of my sweaty clothes as I let the shower warm up then walked in once I was completely nude. I sighed deeply the moment the hot water hit my sore muscles, stepping further under the cascading water until my hair was soaked. With my eyes closed, I blindly reached for where I knew my shampoo was and began to wash my hair as I thought about the upcoming fight Cameron told me about.

Apparently there was a guy, Ricky, who was known to be undefeated requested me specifically to be his next opponent. Hundreds of people were supposed to attend his next fight, and they were going to charge twenty dollars for the entrance fee since both Ricky and I were undefeated. Cameron shared that a lot of people would be eager to see us fight each other for that reason alone. I hadn't said yes yet and Cameron was a little unsure about it as well, but my answer was leaning towards agreeing when I heard the total money expected to be gathered by the end of the night would be around eight thousand dollars. That much money would be good to put into my savings account I had been preparing since I first started fighting. The only reason I was hesitant about agreeing to the fight, was because it felt like I was lying to Em. She still had no idea about the underground fighting and I was sure if she did know, she wouldn't be okay with it. She'd have my head on a silver platter if she especially knew it was considered illegal and there was no way I wanted to risk ruining what we had. She made me so happy and I had never felt the way I do with her before. But the money...it was so much. And it would help me prepare for my future. For our future, if Em and I worked out the way I was hoping we would.

Washing the last of the shampoo out of my hair and finishing up washing my body, I reach for the shower knob and turn it off before stepping out. Wrapping the towel around my waist, I pick my clean clothes up and begin to shrug them on. My hair is still wet, so once all my clothes are on I rub it through the wet strands. Glancing into the mirror as I do, I frown when I see the bruise on my cheek from getting punched a little too hard from one of the other boxers at the gym that I practiced with. I poke it with my finger and flinch, clenching my jaw before I bend down to pick my dirty clothes up. I opened the bathroom door and walked back into the hallway before heading back into my bedroom. Tossing my dirty clothes into the hamper when I enter, I move across my room to get my phone out of my gym bag. The screen lights up after I tap the home button and my eyebrows furrow when I see the four missed calls from Em, the last one being two minutes ago. I swipe the screen, about to call her back when I see her name lighting up my screen again as it vibrates in my hand.

I immediately swipe the answer button and bring the phone to my ear. "Em? Baby what-,"

"Harry! Jesus, finally," a deep voice breathed and I pull the phone back again to double check the contact. It says Emmeline.

"Caesar? Is that you?" I ask in confusion. "What are you doing with Em's phone?"

"That doesn't matter at the moment. You need to get here right now quick!"

"What?" I straighten and feel my heart pumping faster. "What's wrong? Is Em okay?"

"No she isn't. S-she woke up panicking and she can't breathe, Lila's been using an inhaler to help her and it did a little but she's still having trouble calming down. She won't stop crying."

My breath hitches at the back of my throat and I quickly move around my room to find my tennis shoes, holding the phone between my cheek and shoulder. "I'm coming over there right now. Call 911."

"She won't let us," he said anxiously. "We mentioned calling an ambulance and she keeps shaking her head and it makes her freak out more."

I cursed and grabbed my keys before running down the hallway. "Fuck okay, well tell her I'm coming and try to relax her."

"Okay. And hurry, she kind of looks blue to me."

I didn't answer and swiftly hung up the phone, stuffing it into the pocket of my gym shorts. I ran through the front door and slammed it shut behind me, moving right past the elevator and towards the stairs instead. I've never ran so fast in my life and I was sure I looked like a crazy person to the night security as I zoomed past them but I didn't care. I ran fast down the sidewalk and headed straight for Em's apartment, panting tiredly after just one block but I kept going. My worry for her pushed me to run faster, and before I knew it I was running through the front entrance of her apartment building. The doorman flinched as I rushed in, calling me back as I ran through the lobby but I ignored him. I hurriedly pressed the elevator button, and thankfully it opened right away. Moving inside quickly, I pushed the close button repeatedly and sighed in relief when it started to shut. I leaned against the wall as it slowly took me to her floor, panting heavily and bouncing my leg anxiously. My eyes were fixed on the numbers and I stood up when it finally got to Em's floor, stepping forward in front of the doors again. The moment they slid open I darted back out into the hallway and ran to Em's door. I reached it quickly and immediately slammed my hands against the door repeatedly, pounding on it loudly.

"Caesar! Lila! Open up it's me!" I shouted before I heard the sound of footsteps rushing down the hall on the other side. The door was flung open seconds later and my gaze settled on a panic looking Caesar. I didn't even wait for him to say anything and ran right past him. I headed towards Em's opened bedroom and the sound of her gasping for air hit my ears before I even saw her. My heart sped up in my chest as I rounded the entrance of her room, coming to a brief halt when I finally did see her.

She was laying on her back, her hands clutching her chest as the sound of her gasping for a breath echoed around the room. Her face did look a little blue and her eyes were wide, chest moving up and down too quick to be considered normal. Lila sat beside her, holding the inhaler in front of her mouth before Em managed to wrap her lips around it.

"Inhale slowly, Em. Relax, Harry will be here any minute." Lila said to her in the best soothing voice she could muster at the moment. I blinked, and the sound of my name tore me from my brief frozen state. I ran to Em's bedside and her eyes immediately landed on me as I appeared next to Lila, her face relaxing just a little. Kneeling down on the floor, I bent over and cupped her face in my hands as I brushed her hair back that stuck to her face.

"Em, babe? Try and calm down." I told her as soothingly as I could. She inhaled once more from Lila's inhaler before she took it away, Em's deep breaths filling my ears again. Tears were rushing down her cheeks and I kept wiping them away, softly shushing her when she suddenly sat up. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I instantly hugged her close with one arm while the other moved to cradle the back of her head. She was still struggling to breathe and I moved my hand to rub her back, turning my head to press kisses to her forehead.

"Em, please try to calm down."

"I-I can't," she choked out and pulled back to gesture to her chest. "My lungs." Is all she managed to say before she continued to try and breathe desperately. I reached for her arms and lifted them above her head for her, placing her hands flatly on top of her head as she stared up at me uncertainly.

"It'll help expand your lungs. Keep taking deep breaths love." I told her encouragingly and she nodded, sitting back on her heels as she took slow deep breaths. I moved to cup her face in my hands, continuously brushing my thumbs over her cheeks to catch the tears that fall. Despite my own rapid heart beat and the fear running through me at seeing her like this, I hold her gaze as I take deep breaths with her. My shoulders rising and falling in an attempt to guide her through it. She's focused on my own slow breaths and tries to match hers along with mine, eyebrows pulled tightly together in concentration. I don't know how much time passes as we sit there taking deep breaths before her breathing finally falls into sync with mine. I stop when I realize she's practically breathing normally again and she inhales deeply through her nose before releasing it through her mouth, hesitantly letting her hands fall back to her sides.

She leans her head into my palm and lifts a hand to hold my wrist, squeezing lightly. "Thank you." She rasps, her voice cracking a little. Tears still slip down her face and I'm tempted to ask why she's crying or what brought on this panic attack but I fear my questions might trigger another one. So instead, I nod and move to crawl on the bed in front of her before wrapping my arms around her in a tight hug. She leans into me as I do and though she doesn't return the hug, her tight hold on my arm is enough to tell me that she appreciates it.

"Ems," I hear behind me and look up, suddenly remembering Lila and Caesar were both still in the room. Lila moves to sit at the edge of the bed on Em's other side and rubs her hand against her upper back. "What happened to you?"

"I was hoping you guys could tell me that." She says softly, voice hoarse as she glances up at Lila and Caesar who was nearing the end of her bed.

"Well we were sleeping," Lila told her and briefly glanced at Caesar. "I was in my room when Caesar ran inside and told me he could hear you breathing weirdly from the living room. He didn't want to check on you himself because, and I quote, 'what if she's masturbating?' "

Em chokes up a laugh in my arms but ends up in a coughing fit, her body shaking. I immediately pat her back and encourage her to take deep breaths again before Lila reaches over to the nightstand and hands Em a half drunken bottled water. I take it for her, unscrewing the cap and bringing it to her lips as she takes cautious sips.

"Sorry," Lila said regretfully for making Em laugh. "But I came to check on you and I found you gasping and choking in your sleep. Your face was all red and it freaked me out so that's when I tried to wake you. Then you woke up and well, you know the rest."

I pulled the bottle back from her mouth when she lightly pushed it away, screwing the cap back on. Lila took it from me and set it back on the nightstand as I ran my fingers through Em's hair, looking down at her to see her eyes closed as she sighed tiredly.

"I don't understand what happened to you," Caesar said from the end of the bed and Em subtly turned her head against me to look up at him. "Were you having a nightmare?"

I looked back down at her, wanting to know the answer myself and she bit down on her lip. Her gaze fell back to focus on the duvet of her bed, fingers briefly digging into my arm. I felt her tense in my arms and instead of asking her myself like I wanted to, I brushed my fingers over her cheek to wipe the last of her tears.

"Yes." She whispered after a long moment and I felt my heart squeeze at the way she sounded so broken. She moved her body against me until her head fell in my lap, both her arms hugging one of mine as she curled her knees up into the fetal position. My free hand repeatedly moved over her long hair as I pushed it behind her so her face was on full display for me, even if her eyes had yet to fully meet mine yet.

"What was it about?" Lila asked quietly and this time, it was me that tensed. I remembered the time she told me she had dreamt of Zayn trying to rape her and the thought of her dreaming of it again sickened me. I didn't want her to have to relive that experience again but it was as if her consciousness would not let her forget about it.

Em closed her eyes and pressed her lips together, her arms hugging mine tightly. I bent my head and placed a kiss to her temple, pulling back in time to see her eyes fluttering open. I wanted to know what the nightmare was about too but I didn't want to push her. I wasn't going to ask her but I wanted her to know I'd be here for her if she did want to talk about it. So I was hoping that kiss was enough for her to realize that.

"Zayn." She finally said and my back went rigid, my hand momentarily pausing its movement over her hair. "I guess I was reliving the drowning incident."

Though that dream does not sound any better then the one of him trying to rape her, I can't help but feel just a little relieved. My hand resumes its movement over her hair as I frown, staring down at her as she blinks her eyes open to stare at my shorts instead.

"Oh god. I'm sorry Em." Lila says quietly, pressing her lips together as her gaze flickers from me, to Caesar, to back to Em. "Do you...have you ever had a nightmare like that before?"

"Yes."

"How often?" Caesar asks.

"Guys," I jump in and send them warning looks when it starts to seem like they're badgering her too much. "Don't push her."

"It's okay," Em says and I feel her squeeze my arm in reassurance. "I used to get them a lot. I hadn't had one in several weeks."

"Well then why tonight?" Lila asks but it sounds like it's more of a question to herself.

"I..." she starts to say but blinks repeatedly, moving to sit up all of a sudden. Her hair falls behind her and her eyes are bloodshot, cheeks red and a little sweat gathered at her hairline. "Maybe because Harry wasn't here? I don't know."

"You don't get them if I'm here?" I ask her curiously and she shakes her head.

"No, I've never gotten one when we're in the same bed. But I didn't have one the other night you weren't here either so...I don't know. They just-, they come and go." She whispers and looks down at her hands, fiddling with her fingers. Lila stares at her for a long moment before glancing at me, her face twisted worriedly. I can tell she wants to say something but I can't read her mind just by looking at her the way Anthony seems to be able to do with her. So I furrow my eyebrows at her confusedly, glancing at Caesar in question but he looks just as lost as me.

"Ems...maybe-, I mean maybe you should think about talking to someone." She tells her softly and my eyes widen before they dart back to Em. Her head is still hung but at Lila's words, she lifts it up and looks at Lila unsurely.

"What? You mean, like-, like a shrink?"

"Like a therapist." She tells her and her eyes flicker to me before landing back on Em. "To talk to someone about what happened to you. Maybe you're having these dreams because you've been suppressing what happened to you."

Em's forehead creases as she stares at Lila before she suddenly shakes her head, lifting her hand to run her fingers through her hair. "I don't need to see anyone, I've gotten over that. I'm fine."

"Em, you just woke up from a panic attack. That's not-, it's not normal." She tells her firmly and I press my lips together until Lila turns to me abruptly and waves her hand over Em. "Harry, tell her."

Flabbergasted that she turned this on me, my mouth gapes open as Em focuses her attention to me. She watches me blankly and I close my mouth, gazing back at Em cautiously. Bags were appearing under her eyes and the image of her lying on this bed minutes ago, gasping desperately for air flickers behind my eyelids. And it's not something I ever want to see again.

I sigh. "I don't think it'd be a horrible idea Em." I tell her slowly and immediately her face twists in betrayal. I reach out for her hand but she retracts it before I can touch her. "Babe, it's just an idea. Lila is right, maybe the fact that you've never really talked about what happened is the reason you keep having these dreams. Maybe if you just talked to someone, you'll stop having them."

"This happens you know, there's instances where girls who were raped or almost raped, or have just endured a traumatic experience go through PTSD." Lila says quietly and Em flinches, moving back on the bed slightly.

"You think I have PTSD?" She asks in both curiosity and as an accusation.

"I don't know, I'm not a doctor so I don't know the answer for sure. But it sounds to me that you might but you won't know unless you talk to someone. They'll know how you can treat it, Ems."

Em breathes in through her nose and looks away, her jaw clenching as she crosses her arms over her chest. "I don't need to see anyone. I'm fine, it was just a nightmare and a panic attack."

"You're fine now but what happens when no ones around?" Caesar suddenly says and we all look at him to see him standing there with his arms crossed and an angry look on his face. "What if you pass out and hit your head? Or what if you're choking and you-, die or something?" I flinch at the mention of death and immediately look at Em, the thought of her dying instantly bringing pain to my chest.

"Please see someone, baby." I blurt out, the fear of losing her suddenly pushing me to firmly agree with Lila on this. "I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Nothing is going to happen to me. It was just one panic attack, I'm fine okay?" She says, eyes darting around the three of us before she sighs tiredly. "Look, if it happens again, if I have another panic attack then I'll go see someone alright?"

"What about the dreams?" Lila asks and Em shrugs.

"They're just dreams. I'll get past them, they come less and less. They'll go away eventually."

Silence fills the room after that and the three of us continue to stare at Em. I know she's uncomfortable when she shifts on the bed and looks away from all of us, jaw ticking from our intense gazes. Her body language tells me she's close to snapping at us, so after another brief moment of staring at her I turn my head to face Lila and Caesar. "You guys can go back to bed. I think I've got it from here." I tell them and Lila purses her lips, eyes drifting back to Em worriedly. "She'll be okay. I'm staying with her the rest of the night." I reassure her and she hesitates momentarily before nodding and standing from the bed.

"Take care of my girl, Styles. And make sure she drinks water."

"I'm right here you know, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself." Em says, her voice still cracking a little.

"Don't care, it'll make me feel better if I know he's taking care of you." She tells her with a small smile then leans over the bed to kiss Em on the forehead. "I'm glad you're okay. We'll talk more in the morning."

Em nods before Lila pulls back and ruffles my hair, turning to walk out of the bedroom. We both look at Caesar as he moves to the edge of the bed near Em and leans over to give her a brief hug, kissing her cheek as he pulls back. "I'm glad you're alright too, Princesa. Don't scare me like that again."

"I won't." She tells him with a small smile and he returns it, stepping away from the bed afterwards.

"Thanks for calling me mate." I tell him before he can leave.

"No problem." He nods and we fist bump before he walks out of Em's bedroom, closing the door behind him. The door clicks into place and silence fills the room immediately, the sound of it being far too loud. My eyes drift back to Em to see her still kneeling down, her palms resting over her thighs as she bit down on her lip. Her eyes were staring at me unsurely and with out any more thought, I moved forward and circled my arms around her. Her breath hitched at the back of her throat as I held her tightly, burying my face in the crook of her neck as I inhaled her. So much relief consumed me and I placed light kisses against her neck, sighing when she finally hugged me back.

"You really scared me, you know?" I whisper into her neck after a long moment of us just hugging silently.

"I'm sorry." She mumbles back, her fingers threading through my hair at the nape of my neck.

"Freaked me out when I saw you struggling to breathe." I told her honestly, my mind briefly wandering to the time she wasn't breathing after I pulled her out of that pool when Zayn tried to kill her. Stop. I close my eyes tightly to rid myself of the thought and hug Em tighter. "You're okay now right? You can breathe fine?"

"I'm okay now, Harry. Besides the ache in my chest and how worn out I suddenly feel, I'm okay."

"Good." I sigh and finally pull away from her only to cup her face in my hands. I press a light kiss to her lips and lean my forehead against hers, brushing my thumbs over her cheeks again. "Why were you crying?"

"It was hurting," she tells me quietly, her hand pressing to her chest. "Felt like a damn bulldozer was driving over me repeatedly."

I frowned at the description and moved to place my own hand over her chest, lightly running my palm over her skin. Her eyes fluttered and I stopped my hand when it covered where her heart should be, my own speeding up to the fast beat I felt under my palm. "You're heart is beating a little fast. You sure you're okay?" I asked again worriedly and she smiled up at me faintly.

"It's only because of you. Stop worrying, I'm alright."

I bit my lip to suppress my smile but felt my stomach flutter with fucking butterflies at her words. I shook my head and moved to cup her cheek again as I kissed her nose. "Will you please think about seeing someone to talk to? I don't ever want that to happen to you again."

"I said I would Harry, if I ever have a panic attack again."

"But maybe you should go before it does happen again." I tried to tell her but she was already shaking her head stubbornly.

"No, I'll go only and if it happens another time. I'm not talking about it anymore, okay?"

I pursed my lips and when she narrowed her eyes at me I sighed, giving in and nodding my head reluctantly. "Okay. But promise me you'll do it if the time comes?"

Her brown eyes lifted to mine, flickering over my face as if she was searching for something. My thumbs continued to brush her skin and I furrowed my eyebrows when I couldn't read her face to know what she was thinking. But before I can ask her, she pressed her lips together and nods her head. Eyes darting away from mine as she sighs. "I promise."

* * * * * * * *

I wanted to write more fluff but since I have an 8am class and it's currently almost 2am, I'm ending it there because I need to go to sleep. Lol

Questions:

Who loves it when Harry fusses over Em? 🙋🏻 I know I do.

Do you agree with Lila? Should Em go talk to someone?

Comment + vote! Since I double updated I'll be updating 'Love you goodbye' next then 'The first lost boy' so patience with this story till those updates are up. Thanks for reading!