Seventeen
Before we start this chapter:
My chest.
My heart.
I made an inhuman sound.
AND THIS. MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE. LET ME ROLL AROUND IN THE BUSHES WITH HIM AND CUDDLE.
So proud of my boy. I shed a tear.
*WARNING: sensitive and triggering subjects*
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"Have a nice night." I say with a smile, handing the customer their bag before they turn to walk away. My smile slips once they're completely gone and I slump down into the stool, putting my elbows on the counter. I drop my head in my hands, sighing tiredly as I closed my eyes. Today has to be the longest day of my life and I still had two hours left before my shift was over. I just wanted to go home, get into bed and sleep in until noon tomorrow. Yet the reminder that I'd have to come back for work at nine in the morning made me groan to myself.
"You okay there?"
I looked up at the sound of the British accent, finding Harry leaning against the counter in front of me with a faint smile on his face. He no longer had the apron on and had a water bottle in one hand while the other held the binder I let him borrow.
"Yeah, just really tired." I sighed again, running my fingers through my hair that I had released from my half up style earlier on in my shift. "You done for the day?"
"Yep, just finished." His eyebrows drew together in worry and I almost flinched back when he lifted his hand and pressed it to my forehead. "You're kind of warm. You sure you're okay?"
"Yes, I'm sure. Just hungry and tired but I'm fine. Quit worrying."
He dropped his hand. "Friends worry." He stated and leaned one elbow on the counter. "You don't get off until nine huh?"
"Unfortunately."
"Were you going to walk home alone?"
"Yes."
He pursed his lips, looking unsure about the thought. "That's not safe. It'll be dark by then."
"My apartment is only two blocks away, I'm sure I can make it there safely."
"I'm not comfortable with it." He said, then stared at me quietly before he was digging into the pocket of his jeans and pulling out his phone. "I'll cancel my plans so I can walk you."
"You had plans?"
"Yeah I was supposed to meet up with Cameron." He mumbles, looking down at his phone and unlocking the screen. I feel that ugly sick feeling coursing through me again at the news but swallow it down. I had no right to be jealous about this but I couldn't deny that I'm not a little surprised that he had already made plans to spend time with her. Either way though, I didn't want to be the reason he cancelled them.
"No, don't." I put my hand to his arm to stop him and he looks up, eyes gazing at me in question. "Don't cancel your plans for me. I'll be okay."
"You're not walking home by yourself at night, Em."
"But you made plans with Cameron."
"So what? You're safety is more important than a burger. I'm cancelling them."
I shook my head, snatching his phone out of his hand and holding it away from him before he can get it. "Tell you what; I'll call Liam to meet me here so he can walk back with me."
He seemed to be considering the idea, watching me in suspicion with narrowed eyes. "You'll call him?"
"Yes, I will."
"Okay. Do it right now." He commanded and I shook my head, handing him back his phone.
"I'm not allowed to take my phone out on the job." I told him and he huffed in annoyance while I forced a smile on my face. "I promise I'll call Liam as soon as I'm on my break. Don't worry about me. Go have fun."
He seemed to be hesitating and he looked torn about what to do. He was watching me as if he wanted to say something but thought better of it when he looked away, tucking his phone back into his pocket. "Okay, fine. You better call him though." I roll my eyes but nod. "Text me when you leave and when you get home?"
"Sure."
"Promise?"
I sighed in exasperation and nodded once. "Yes, I promise okay? Now go."
He watched me for a moment longer, silently chewing on his lip before he solemnly nodded and murmured a goodbye to me. He turned on his heel after I waved at him, slipping out the door with one last glance at me. I faked a smile until he was no longer in sight, the previous frown instantly taking over my face.
I never called Liam to come meet me.
Nor did I text him before I left and once I arrived home.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
His hands were tearing at my clothes, body forcing mine down into the mattress. I pushed at his chest but my efforts made no difference and I kicked, my legs on either side of his hips that pinned me down. I screamed for help, my voice tearing through the dimly lit room in hopes someone would hear me. But it was cut short when he slapped a hand over my mouth to muffle it, fingers digging painfully into my jaw.
He lifted his head, his jet black hair sticking up in all directions as his dark eyes pierced a hole through me. His smile was sinister and I felt trapped, both physically and emotionally. I couldn't look away from him, no matter how hard I wanted to. He had me right where he wanted me and despite my relentless kicking and pushing, it did nothing.
Zayn slipped the hand that was groping at my chest down my stomach, my scream of protest unheard when he shoved it beneath the fabric of my underwear. I cried, my body squirming under his to escape his prodding fingers as I used my fists to hit him. It was like he didn't even feel them, or they had gone right through him. He was feeling nothing while I was feeling everything.
"Hold her down Jackson."
My eyes widened and I screamed into the hand over my mouth once again when I felt another pair of hands gripping my thighs. He pulled them back, forcing them into the mattress and spreading my legs. Zayn ripped at my underwear violently and I did everything in my power to turn away from him. To escape the other pair of hands that were holding me down. I was sobbing, eyes blurred with tears as I scratched and punched him with everything I had. Yet still, he didn't react. I was powerless and even though I continued to fight and scream for my life it did very little. He released my mouth and my screams were finally heard, but there was no one else around. No one to save me from this. I was looking towards the door, silently willing someone to come in and help me. But it stayed bolted shut.
"Stop! No get off me!" I yelled and he pinned both my hands above my head, his body weighing down on mine. I gasped at the weight pressing against my chest, he was too heavy and I couldn't breathe. I writhed beneath him, screaming and screaming before he was forcing himself between my legs an-,
I bolted up in my bed at the sound of a loud banging echoing through out the apartment. My face was sticky with sweat and my breathing was erratic, hands clutching the sheets tightly. I blinked several times, my eyes darting around my dark room in alert as I tried to gain stability over my jumbled thoughts. At seeing that I was in my room and it had only been another dream, I begin to relax but it's cut short when I hear the loud pounding again. I jump at the sound of it, silently gasping before shooting up from my bed and grabbing the first thing closest to me as a weapon. Which so happened to be my heeled boot.
I stood there, not moving a muscle until the pounding resumed and I hurriedly walked to my bedroom door. I threw it open, wondering if Lila had decided to come home after all. She told me earlier she was driving home to visit her parents and would be staying the night there since she didn't have class tomorrow. But after taking a peek in the direction of Lila's room and seeing her wide open door and her empty bed, it was confirmed that it wasn't her.
My heart was beating rapidly in my chest as I held the heel up like I was ready to stab it at any intruder. My defenses were way up but a small squeal escaped my mouth when the pounding came again and I turned in the direction of the front door. Drawing my eyebrows together, I watched as it rattled with the pounding and then I finally heard a voice on the other side of it. One that I'd recognize anywhere.
Immediately, I let my raised arm fall to my side in relief and made a beeline for the door. Bare feet padding loudly against the hardwood that was obviously heard on the other side of the door since the pounding had stopped. After unlocking the top bolt, I threw it open with confusion and slight irritation on my face.
Harry's hand that had been raised as if he was about to bang on the door again had frozen and he let it drop to his side. What the hell was he doing here? At midnight? "What the fuck." He said loudly, voice lacing with anger and I flinched back from it. He walked right into my apartment without an invitation and I stood there utterly confused with one hand on the door knob. He whirled around, both hands on his hip as he stared at me in anger. "Do you not own a phone? What happened to texting me when you left the bookstore and when you got home?"
"I...I forgot." I mumbled and he threw his hands up, looking up at the ceiling like my answer was ridiculous.
"You forgot?" He repeated incredulously. "That is such a load of shit. I've been worried sick out of my mind that something happened to you! Jesus Christ," he breathed and his eyes seemed to have noticed my appearance because his face suddenly softened and he dropped his hands. "Wait-, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"
"What?"
"You're crying." He said and I blinked at him, slowly raising my hand to touch my cheek. I rubbed my hand over it and looked down at my finger tips to see they were wet. Harry stepped towards me, hands cupping my cheeks and forcing me to look up at him. "What the matter?"
I must of been crying in my sleep. I look away from him, stepping out of his reach and closing the door. I ignore his question, not knowing if I wanted to delve into it and instead take him in. He's wearing basketball shorts, a white t-shirt, and running shoes. His hair was messy, the curls falling in different places like he had ran his fingers through it countless times and his eyes looked tired. "What are you doing here, Harry?"
At the reminder of why he was here his jaw clenches and he crosses his arms. "Because you never texted me when you were home. And then you hadn't answered my texts. I thought something happened to you."
"Did it ever occur to you that I might of been asleep?"
"Did it ever occur to you, that not letting me know you got home safely is going to make me think the worse?"
I sigh, rubbing my hand over my face to feel more wet tears. The reminder of my dream puts me off and I shake my head, suddenly wanting to crawl into bed and cry it all out. "Well, as you can see I'm alive and fine. You can go home now."
"What's wrong with you?" He asks and I stare up at him in annoyance with his choice of words. "What I meant was why are you acting like this? Did I do something?"
"It's past midnight Harry, you woke me up. By pounding on my door If I might add. So yeah, I'm a little cranky." I wasn't going to tell him though just how thankful I really was for him interrupting my dream.
He sighed angrily and shoved his fingers through his hair, pulling in agitation before closing his eyes to calm himself down. He kept his hands on top of his head as he breathed in and out of his nose. After a long moment of silence he opened his eyes, gazing at me with the same intensity he had back at the bookstore earlier in the day. "I'm sorry for waking you. But I'm really relieved that you're okay." He paused, eyes flickering over me. "Well, physically at least." He dropped his arms, his gaze falling to the heel I still held in my hand as he looked up at me with confusion. "What's wrong Em? Why were you crying?"
"It was a bad dream, that's it." I raise the heel in my hand, a forced smile on my face as I laughed humorlessly. "I thought there was some intruder when I heard you pounding on the door and this was my lame ass weapon I was going to use to knock you out."
His lips twitch into a faint smile, but then it fell just as fast as it had appeared. "What was your dream about?"
Zayn.
"Nothing."
He frowned at me, green eyes scrutinizing me so closely that I was sure he could probably see the quick rise and fall of my chest. Or the way my fingers were fidgeting at my sides. "You're lying," he stated and I took a deep breath from my nose, looking away from him. I was staring at the wall but could hear the light padding of his shoes against the floor as he walked towards me. A second later his hands were on my cheeks again, turning my head to face him. His eyes were filled with worry and his bottom lip was jutted out, his thumb brushing a line under my eye to wipe away the tears still there. "You can talk to me Emmeline. Tell me what is was about." I chew on my lip, tempted to tell him just so I could get off the weight baring down on my chest. He catches my hesitancy and slips his fingers under my chin, tilting my head up to meet his gaze. "It might make you feel better if you talk about it. If you don't want me to say anything I won't. I'll just listen."
The idea of having someone to talk to about this, having Harry to talk to about this was too much to pass up. I was tired of keeping things bottled up to myself and I had the feeling that might be the reason I was always having nightmares. Because I never talked about what happened and my subconscious was releasing those thoughts and feelings through my dreams instead. So maybe if I talked about it, they'd stop?
"It was about Zayn." I choked out before I could rethink my decision. Harry's expression hadn't changed but I felt his body tense and the slight pressure his hands put against my cheeks. He must of remembered where his hands were because he instantly released me, opting for holding one of my hands instead.
"What happened in your dream?"
I chewed on my cheek, unsure of how to say it without making it sound too bad. And yet, I realized there was no way to sugar coat it. What he had been doing was horrible in general. Rape couldn't be sugarcoated. "He was...on top of me." I whispered and Harry's thumb brushed over the back of my hand soothingly. "He kept touching me, down there. And I was screaming and trying to push him off but I wasn't strong enough." I looked down at the floor, not wanting to look at Harry when I said the next thing. "He was about to rape me in my dream when I woke up because you were pounding on the door."
He didn't say anything for a long moment, his thumb just repeatedly running over my hand. He was quiet and so was I, letting my words hang in the air between us until I heard him sigh. "It was just a dream, Em." He whispered and my eyebrows drew together as I stared at the floor.
"Maybe. But it had almost happened before. Not in the exact same way but my feelings and fear about the whole situation were all the same." I look up at him, seeing his face twisted in what could only be described as pain. "The dream felt real." I confessed and then, Harry was suddenly pulling me into his arms. My eyes were wide with confusion as he enveloped me into his chest, wrapping me up and covering me like a protective shield. He was quietly shushing me and then I was aware of my shaking chest, the silent tears running down my cheeks profusely. I was crying. And though not a sound was leaving my mouth I felt it all in my chest, the fear I had bottled up for months making it's exit through my tears. I wanted them to stop, to suck it up and be tough. I hated crying, and crying in front of people more. And it angered me that here I was doing the very thing I despised in front of Harry. It only made the silent tears come faster.
"He's gone Em." He whispered in my ear, hand holding the back of my head while his other moved in circles against my back. "He's locked up and he's not coming out. You're safe."
I nodded against his chest, unable to say anything else because the truth? Something was poking at me that, that wouldn't stay true. Zayn was unpredictable, and he knew people. Did I really believe he'd stay locked up for good? No, I didn't.
He rubbed my back once more and pulled back only to wrap an arm around my shoulder. "Come on, lets go to bed."
"You're staying?" I asked in a broken voice, wincing at how pathetic I sounded. Yet the way Harry looked down at me showed he didn't think the same.
"Yes. I'm not leaving you by yourself." I looked up at him confusedly and he continued. "Lila told Anthony she was visiting her parents, and Anthony told me."
"Oh." I nodded as he kept me tucked into his side, walking us back to my room. He walked inside first, pulling me behind him before closing my door. I headed towards my bed in a zombie like state, crawling onto the mattress and flopping into the spot closest to the wall. Rolling on my side I looked up to find Harry standing at the edge of the bed, his hands gripping the hem of his t-shirt and pulling it over his head. He kicked his shoes off, his hair falling over his forehead as he slipped into the bed and immediately reached for me. I rolled into his chest, my face pressed into the crook of his neck and the weight in my chest dissipated when his scent engulfed me. My body deflated against his as he ran a hand up and down my back while his other was tangled in my hair, running his fingers through it.
"I'm sorry for worrying you and not telling you when I was home." I mumbled against his neck and felt his back shiver against my hand.
"It's alright. I'm just glad you're okay." He whispered and I felt his lips pressing against the top of my head. "Please don't do that again though."
"Kay," I muttered then pulled back a little to look up at him with slight amusement. "I didn't cut your date short with Cameron did I?"
The corner of his lip quirked into a faint smile, his fingers in my hair moving to brush a line down my cheek. I knew I still had a tear stained face and my eyes were probably swollen and red but the way he was staring at me made me feel like I was the most precious thing. "It wasn't a date, love. I don't like her that way."
"No?"
"No baby." My insides melted at the old nickname and his head was tilted down against my pillow as he watched me, fingers tracing my face. My head was laid against the inside of his arm, nose barely touching his chest as I closed my eyes. His fingers traced the outline of my lips, thumb lightly pressing down on my bottom until it popped back into place. I opened my eyes, looking up to meet his gaze. He gave me a small smile, the dimple in his cheek still able to be seen in the dark. "Come here."
His arms encircled me and he pulled me against him more until there was no more space between us. His skin was warm against my cheek and every time I breathed in through my nose I could smell his intoxicating Harry scent. It eased my worries and chased away the fears, my dream nearly forgotten now as he held me. My eyes had fallen shut and I was slowly being pulled under towards sleep when he rubbed my back in slow circles. I faintly smiled at his comfort, too out of it to think about what I was doing when I puckered my lips and pressed a kiss to his chest. I felt the goosebumps rise against his skin right after and his hand pausing its movements on my back.
"Harry?" I mumbled sleepily.
"Hm?"
"Thank you. For being here."
"Anytime, love." He whispered, lips repeatedly kissing my forehead. "I'd do it every single day if you'd let me." Was the last thing I heard before I was pulled under.
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QUESTIONS:
What part gave you the feels?
Me (the author) is impatient with waiting for the shit that's going to go down soon. That's why I'm updating so frequently lol
Chapters are also kind of short for that reason as well! But keep voting and commenting! If I see you're enjoying it, it pushes me to update sooner. Hope you liked it <3
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