He was a friend of Rakesh the tall and handsome Abhimanyu

He literally swept me off my feet, now that I think about it I never loved the guy,the mere feeling of love was not enough to make me risk the comfortable life being in this marriage provided me,

No it was the feeling of thrill the thought of rebelling, doing somethig that this mundane life was not able to provide me.

I didn't initiate but Abhimanyu did, He caught on my glances and started to reply me with playful winks when my husband was not looking he paid attention to smallest details of my life and used to whisper them in my ears.

like once we were watching tv in our living room my husband went inside to attend a call.

He whispered in my ear
your new dress is gorgeous you know this is my favriote colour from now cause you are wearing it looks beautiful on you.

Like this our flirting started them came the seemingly innocent touches, the fleeting glances, the lingering fingers on my waist kisses on my cheek I was exicited and
eagerly responded to it.My blouses became low cut I started wearing crops and shorts in the house.

Than one day as my husband went on a business trip he came to my house. We
decided to watch a movie, we both knew it was a ploy what we started in the living room ended in my bedroom. We made love again and again on my martial bed he was
a passionate lover a person who loves thrill just like me, he was not a person that will spend his holidays coped up and sleeping in the bed whole day just like my husband infact he was the who will go out on a long bike rides in the night without a destination in his mind.

Our affair went on for 3 months we were carefull, we never displayed affection in public and never in front of my husband.

My affair was going smoothly I was thinking that I have found the love of my life, the one that I deserved and wanted for my whole life. I use to talk about spending my life together with him and he used to fuel my fantasies
while promising me a happily ever after.

Then one day he came and told me that he is getting transferred and will be leaving in 2 days I shrieked and started ranting at him. I asked him why did he wait till the last moment to tell me,he gave some lame excuses I knew what was happening still keeping a bit of hope in my heart I asked him How I was supposed to pack up my things in such short time?

He was taken back and asked what I am talking about?
I told him of-course I am coming with you
and started to remind him of his promises.

He laughed it off saying
Are you dumb?
we were both just enjoying ourselves you knew there was no future for us! you are my friends wife for fucks sake.

Well you didn't think about that while fucking me, I replied.

I was staring to loose my mind hysterically I told him I will not leave you I will tell people about you I threatened him, a look of panic came on his face but it quickly subsided as he said so what people will forget about me cause the bigger culprit is standing before
me,

You cheated on your husband , he said.

I will tell them you made me do it you forced me I shreiked.

Well can you I am sure I will come clean out of it. In this country rapist don't get punishment and this is false accusation afterall.

You were completely willing in whatever we did and I can prove it medically but i will make sure to destroy your reputation in progress he left from there i was afraid I tried to call him but he had blocked me I threatened, pleaded and begged him to take me with him but he was not swayed by my pleadings.

His refusal more hurtful then the last.
He went on his schduled time I was shaken I didn't know what to do my husband knew somethig was wrong and tried to ask me.

But what could I even answer him.

I gave him half hearted responses. I started contemplating suicide, but i was not even brave enough for that. I wanted to cry it was
my own selfishness that had led me to this position.

I decided to let bygones be bygones I was going to act like this never happened and return to my peaceful life with my husband.

I swore in my mind to never cheat on him again.
But karma waits for no one. After 3 month's tornado came into my life.

I started to contemplate sucide again as I held the positive pregnency stick in my hand.
I knew this was not my husbands as the past half year he was mostly on business trips and was seldom home. In fact in this 6 months the earliest we had sex was just a month ago. I called Abhimanyu but to no avail I emailed him. And later I got his number through his friend I called him to tell about the baby.

He replied with just 3 words NOT MY PROBLEM that was the first time I cut my hand I didn't die though I woke up after 2 hrs and dressed my wound I didn't know what to do.

What shoud I do?
Shoud I divorce my husband and bring up this child or
Should I abort it and act like this never happened?

With this thoughts I slept into the void

June 4,2020