“What a sight for sore eyes, brighter than a blue sky. She's got you mesmerized, while I die.”
....

Espresso by Sabrina carpenter booms from my headphones and I bop my head to the beat as I look through the books in my locker. I have about ten minutes left before my next class so I'm not in much of a hurry.

Schooling in an actual…school has been a bit challenging for me. I'm definitely not used to learning at the same pace as everyone and being in a social setting is the hardest part. It hasn't been so bad though. Several people have come up to me to talk. They were nice, lots of the students at school are nice, contrary to what I'd believed at first.

I can recognise a few faces as I walk through the hallways and sometimes I even wave or smile at some whenever I see them. It's actually not as bad as I thought. Adolescents are still annoying and impulsive and crazy but they aren't so bad.

“Too bad your ex don't do it for ya…” I murmur as I pick up my math textbook and look through the pile of books for my notebook.

I find the book a few seconds later and I'm about to shut my locker when I hear something from a few lockers away.

“I thought I was the only person who noticed that,” a deep voice comments.

“Kyle is really surprising me these days,” another person says. A girl.

At the mention of Kyle's name, I'm suddenly interested. I'm not someone who likes gossip. I think it's a waste of time and it always makes me uncomfortable. But this…sounds juicy so I wait and listen.

“I've never seen him act that soft, like ever,” the girl continues. “Like…it's kinda scary.”

“I know right?” another girl says. She has a lighter voice than the other one. “I mean, we know he loves music a lot but these days he's been so absorbed in it.”

“It's not even just that,” the guy with the deep voice says. “he’s actually talking way differently and he's weirdly careful with his words. It's like he's scared of offending someone. He usually just grabs a pen from my backpack without my consent anytime he doesn't have one but this morning he actually asked me, politely.”

The whole group laughs.

I focus on my locker and try act like I'm still searching for something. I hope they don't notice me. The hallway is almost empty and we have a few minutes before the next class. I've never been more interested in gossip in my life, it's really amusing.

“It’s kinda funny though,” the first girl says and they all agree admits their laughs.

I tell myself that it's time for me to go. I don't want them to notice me or figure out that I'm eavesdropping on their conversation. That's until I hear my name.

“I think it's this new girl, Star.” I freeze.

What if they recognise me standing at the locker?

“Star…” the guy says as if thinking about the name. “Yeah…he's talked to me about this girl once or twice but I wasn't really listening.”

“Yep, it's her. I've seen him talking to her before. I mean, he doesn't really talk about girls more than once. He only mentions them as his new target and that's it. This is new.”

“Yeah…I wonder why he hasn't gone out with her yet.”

“Maybe he's giving her time?” the girl with the tiny voice considers

“Time for what?” the guy asks.

“I don't know! Kyle works in mysterious ways. This is how he does his things.”

They all laugh at the comment. I'm standing there like an idiot wondering why I haven't left. I have about five minutes till the next class.

Now he's thinking bout me every night oh, is it that sweet? I guess so oh
Say you can't sleep, baby I know, that's that me espresso

The song drowns away as I focus on what the group is saying.

“I agree with you on that. This is how Kyle operates. He always has some mastermind plan to get you to like him. Maybe she's just harder to get than most so he has to use a different tactic. But damn…once he's got you, he's won.” The guy whistles and they all laugh again.

I scrunch my face up how their referring to me as some object to be won. It's disgusting.

I'm about to leave, for real this time, when they say something else that forces me to stay.

“But guys, let's be real, we've known Kyle since the seventh grade. Kyle had never acted so nervous when talking about a girl or worse when talking to a girl.”

The other two consider it for a moment.

“Are you sure?” the girl with the small voice asks. “I notice whenever he's nervous about something, usually a test or a music presentation he's always picking at his jeans or…whatever he's wearing, just plucking at some loose strands. Or he runs his hands though his hair, like too many times than necessary.”

“How did you even notice that?” the oher girl asks with a chuckle.

“I'm just too observant,” she says with a sigh, like it's actually a misfortune or something. What I'm trying to say is, “if we really want to be sure he nervous, we look out for that.”

“And we try to stop it,” the guy says. “We can't lose Kyle because of some new girl.”

“Yeah,” they chorus and I look at my phone just in time. I shut my locker and speed walk the other way, hoping they didn't spot me. My heart is pounding in my chest and my stomach churns in a way that makes me feel like I'm about to throw up.

I meet Sam and Emily on my way to class. We all have different classes at the moment so it's a miracle we all meet. We have lunch anyway after this period, which is great because I have to tell them all I've heard.

“Hey guys,” I say a bit nervously.

They wave at me with confusion etched on their faces as they move along to their classes. As I walk to my class, I can't shake off this feeling of impending doom that is coming over me. I wonder why I'm feeling tense.

It can't be because of the news I just heard right? Like, why would I even care? Why do I give a fuck what Kyle's group of friends think of me or think of how Kyle is acting?

I bump into a guy on my way to class and mumble an inaudible apology. He waves it off with a smile and goes on his way. I sigh as I walk into the almost filled class and take a seat at a spot close to the back. I try to be a good student but that doesn't mean I sit at the front of class.

After I take my seat and begin to take my things out of my bag, I try to force myself to forget about whatever I heard a few minutes ago. It doesn't matter. I wonder why I even stayed to listen after I heard the first part.

Why does it matter? Even if Kyle likes me or not, or is just planning to add me to his list of girls he's dated it's not my business, it doesn't matter to me. Cause I don't like him…right?

***

No matter how hard I try, I can't stop thinking about the things I heard at my locker for the rest of the school day. It really distracts me during all my classes and I’m even asked by the teachers multiple times if I needed to see the nurse.

I also couldn't get rid of the churning in my stomach that threatened to come up as vomit. If I was getting it right, I'd say I was feeling anxious. Yeah, that's it. Anxiety. Stupid feelings…

I don't even bother to go into the music room after school even though I know that practice has officially started. I just couldn't because anytime I stand at least ten feet from the door, my stomach would start churning even more and I was not going to puke in school today. Deep down, I wanted to see Kyle again, ask him about the song and maybe even give him a few insults (as I'm always ready to do that) as we messed about with instruments but I just couldn't.

I receive a text from Emily saying they're waiting for me outside the school so we can head home. I take out some books from my locker again, recalling the feeling of standing there listening to Kyle's friends as I do. I get everything I want quickly cause I don't want to stay there longer and rush out of school.

The churning in my stomach turns into a tight knot in my chest as soon as I step out of school.

She's gorgeous.

That's the first thing I think as I see her, her eyes lighting up as she laughs. She has shiny light brown hair that stops at her hip, mesmerising hazel eyes and a beautiful heart shaped face.

Something in me feels like stabbing the girl's beautiful face repeatedly until it's completely unrecognisable. At first I don't know why. I never get jealous of anyone. I don't care if I'm pretty or not.

But then, to my horror, I do realise why I'm jealous. It's not because she's a hundred times more beautiful than I am. It's because Kyle is flirting and laughing with her. They're standing really close, leaning on a car beside them. They're staring directly into each other's eyes and they're talking like they're telling each other a secret. I watch, frozen for a few seconds, as he reaches out and takes a stray strand of hair off her face with the same gentleness he did with mine. She smiles briefly and they go back their conversation.

My heart clenches and I blink the tears that have welled up in my eyes away. I think what I'm feeling is bad enough until it suddenly strikes me. I like Kyle. I actually like him. And that means I'm in deep trouble.

♬♬♬
Heather - Conan Gray