TRIGGER WARNING...

"Why did I always feel that my biggest and my most saddest truth ever was the fact that I myself, was MY biggest ENEMY?!"- Isma Taib.

AVOID!

Have you ever tried your very best to avoid something?

Leaving literally, NOT even a single stone unturned?

Leaving no chance for a chance?

That was the only thing Isma had her heart fully set out on as she worked her fingers to the very bone in making not just one, not two; but almost all of Yusuf's most favourite dishes.

He had asked her for a treat right?

Then she would most definitely give him one...

Her way!

Having chosen nothing but perfection down to the very last spice, Isma leaned back against the kitchen counter, a much tired sigh escaping her lips as she very much hoped against hope that her tremendous efforts would bear her nothing else but the much needed fruits.

No...

There was not even a single chance in a million that she would ever choose to willingly go out with Yusuf.

Definitely not tonight and hopefully never ever in whatever remained of her lifetime.

Whenever it came to Yusuf, literally everything and anything came with nothing but...

Strings attached!

Way too many strings attached!

Her entire body immediately shuddered just at the mere thought and she quickly and very much tightly shut her eyes while even more tightly hugging herself as millions of thoughts began zapping through her mind at a speed way faster than that of lightning.

Yusuf!

He was very much still, just but her fiancé.

Just a fiancé!

Nothing more!

Yet whatever emotions he always stirred up within her as he fiancé every single time, would leave her feeling nothing but extremely traumatised and scarred.

Scarred maybe, just maybe, for life!

It didn't really matter if she was going to say this for what was like the umpteenth time but she really needed to continuously question and remind herself again and again of the fact that...

He was still; just but her fiancé!

What of when he would finally become...

Her Husband?!

Fear instantly paralysed every single inch of her body, hot tears staining her eyes as her heart did nothing but weep uncontrollably from deep down inside.

No!

She didn't want to make him hers and neither did she want to become his! Ever!

She could do literally everything and anything but that...

Not that...

Just not that!

What though of the fact that he had actually made her his in almost every way but just one?

What of that, Isma? What of that?

Feeling like screaming her entire heart out due to nothing but pure frustration and guilt, she slid down to the kitchen floor, opened her mouth but no sound came out as tears continuously streamed down her face, her heart breaking bit by bit as it slowly and fully dawned on her more than ever, the fact that...

She was in this all alone!

Very much alone!

She tightly hugged her knees as she cried to herself just a little bit more only for her to quickly stand up when she heard footsteps approaching and as they got nearer and nearer, she quickly rushed to kitchen's faucet, continuously and vigorously splashed water on her face only for her heart to fully sink when the very first thing her mother said upon entering the kitchen and seeing all the food laid out was...

"Yusuf is indeed a very lucky man! No doubts!"

A pin drop silence immediately engulfed the room, thick antagonistic tension borne from their previous night's conversation still reigning sky high between them and the only thing Isma ended up saying after quite some time was...

"Well, if that isn't strange?! Just up until last night, you were claiming ME to be the lucky one!"

"Well, you're BOTH lucky then! He is lucky to have you and you are very much lucky to have him!"

A very much loud, very much forced, emotionless laugh escaped Isma's lips and she wasted absolutely no time in replying with ...

"Trust me FULLY when I say that I'd rather be lying on my death bed, gasping for air rather than being told that I am lucky for having Yusuf!"

"ISMAAAAAA!"

"That's the only time I would be lucky, Mom! If I was dying!"

"Be very careful of your words, Isma! Many at times we only but get what we speak of!"

"I am very much aware of what comes out of my mouth, Mom! I am truly very much aware! Each and every single word of mine is merely a reflection. A reflection of how I truly feel deep down inside. I wouldn't be lying at all actually if I was to say that I die a slow, painful death every single day. Literally, every single day! In fact, it won't be very long before there is no Isma. There only will remain a body. A body with a lifeless soul!"

Mariam angrily gritted her teeth as she disbelievingly stared at her daughter afterwich she said...

"If it really does KILL you so very much to be with him, then why are you so hell bent on breaking your back trying impress him?"

Isma wasted not even a second to break off into laughter; laughter that was loud and filled with nothing but disbelief and while shaking her head, her eyes filled to the very brim with nothing but spite, she asked...

"Impress? Impress who? Yusuf?"

"Yes!"

"Not even if I was all definitions of DESPERATE!"

"Is it so? Then what simply is the meaning of all of this? You preparing his most favourite dishes! You taking out the best crockeries and cutleries. You grandly laying out the table! You..."

"I am doing all of this just but to AVOID him, Mom! Just but to AVOID him!"

"Avoid him? Avoid him how? I don't understand!"

Letting out an extremely long, loud and tired sigh, Isma looked out the kitchen window, staring out into the darkness and with her voice almost on the verge of breaking, she said...

"Yusuf asked me for a 'treat' this morning. A treat he termed as 'the one given to a fiancé after one lands themselves a job'!"

Isma's entire body vigorously quivered just at the thought and she quickly wrapped her arms around herself, hoping to find some sense of much needed comfort afterwich she continued...

"You and I both very well know along which lines that so called 'treat' lies! He said he will pick me up tonight in the name of taking me out for dinner...hence the reason behind all this..."

Mariam remained silent for the longest time ever and it was this very silence of hers that broke Isma even more and more and whilst trying her very best not to cry but with tears continuously streaming down her face, Isma said...

"You know, Mom? When anyone, literally anyone experiences even if it's just but a mustard seed's weight worth of pain, the very first person anyone calls out for or even thinks of, is their mother. Their MOTHER..."

"I called out to my mother as well! Called out to her not because of pain worth of a mustard seed but because of pain that was worth the oceans and the seas COMBINED..."

"Did my mother reach back out to me? Did she? Did she really? Yes, she did..."

"She reached back out to me by telling me to let myself drown within the waves!"

"I am drowning, Mom! I am drowning!"

Mariam's legs wasted absolutely no time in growing extremely feeble and she quickly, though with very much difficulty, propped herself up on a small kitchen stool, not at all knowing what to say, only for her eyes to spark up with way too many unreadable types of emotions, the very second Isma said...

"I am going to tell Dad!"

"Don't you even dare!" Mariam immediately hissed out.

"Why not? Just why not?"

"He would never understand!"

"And you do?!"

Heavy silence once again prevailed the room as Isma stared down at her feet silently crying her heart out only for her to look up in a flash when the loudest sob ever escaped her mother's lips, followed by another and another afterwich Mariam finally said though almost as if whispering...

"Your father will never understand, Isma! He will never ever understand! I would and I do but he will never!"

She then proceeded to slowly lift her blouse and the loudest gasp ever escaped Isma's lips; because from right where she stood, she could easily see them all.

The bruises!

THE OLD ONES AND THE WAY TOO NEW ONES!

TO BE CONTINUED...

***

PLEASE DO VOTE AND COMMENT.

THE ONLY REASON I HAVE BEEN DIVIDING MY CHAPTERS INTO TWO IS BECAUSE I DON'T GET MUCH TIME TO FULLY COMPLETE THEM.

SOMETHING OR THE OTHER ALWAYS COMES UP AND I HAVE TO LEAVE IT HALF WAY, EXPLAINING WHY I TAKE LONG TO UPDATE.

SO AT LEAST YOU GET TO READ SOMETHING BETTER THAN NOTHING.

HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND.

UNTIL NEXT TIME,

ASALAM ALEIKUM.