Chapter Twenty-eight

Before, I was very confused as to why people kept on supporting Jimin and Sally's relationship. Kahit noong kami pa ni Jimin at palabas lang ang sa kanila ni Sally, suportadong-suportado na sila ng mga tao na para bang silang dalawa talaga iyong itinadhana.

They were like two actual stars that had phenomenally crossed paths and instantly matched, they had collided to shower sparks for all the people to look up to.

For people, they were star-crossed lovers. Jimin was for Sally and Sally was for Jimin. No one in between. No any unknown woman in between.

And now that Kang Sally was materialising in front of me like a fictional character from a book, a beautiful model from a fashion magazine, and a gorgeous Goddess way back from Greek Mythology's period, realization and answers filled me up.

There was really a reason why people loved her, why people thought so highly of her, and why people kept on matching her with Park Jimin.

As she sat very beautiful and very fragile in front of me inside a VIP room of a café around Valenzuela like she couldn't even break a nail, occasionally giving me shy smiles and kind glances, I couldn't help but feel guilty for all the hatred I had even reserved for her. Kahit na maupo lang siya sa harap ko buong magdamag ng hindi nagsasalita, I didn't think I would get tired of staring at her.

She looked so cool in her pair of black cami shirt under a black leather jacket and black ripped jeans. Her pink long hair was hanging so smoothly behind her back, some strands falling over her shoulders and chest. May mga accessories siya tulad ng hikaw, kuwintas at mga singsing samantalang simpleng Hanoff watch lang ang tanging accessory ko sa katawan.

I felt so plain and ugly in front of her. Simpleng floral blouse lang ang sout ko na pinaresan ko ng washed out jeans. Nakalugay lang din ang maikli kong buhok, bahagyang tumatama ang mga dulo sa mga balikat ko.

The K-Pop female idol was so beautiful, her smiles were very comforting and pleasing that it made my awkward smiles and uncomfortable demeanor feel like a joke. Parang ipinagsisigawan ng buong eksistensiya niya na hindi ang isang katulad kong babae ang nababagay kay Jimin, na masyado akong mababa para rito. Na iyong mundo nilang dalawa ay malayong-malayo sa mundo ko.

I was long ago aware that the world where Jimin lived in was way too far away from my world, I was long ago aware that I had been thrown out of his world that was why I just stayed in my own and minded my own business.

Napaka-unfair lang kasi sila, puwede silang makapasok sa mundo ko kailanman nila gustuhin samantalang ako, nasaktan na ako't lahat-lahat… hindi ko pa rin magawang manatili sa mundo nila. It wasn't about how I wanted to be in their world, it was about how people and the universe didn't favour me so much. Unlucky I might be, I accepted because there wasn't much choices lent for me to take, I was actually taken for granted.

From staring at her beautiful face that didn't seem to have any flaws, my eyes landed on her hands that awkwardly held her mug of black coffee she ordered. Her hands were shaking, not of cold of course because this wasn't Korea. And to be honest, I expected her to appear in front of me with a dark and brave demeanor since in the two of us, she had the more valid reason to be angry.

Nandito sa Pinas ang boyfriend niya dahil sa anak nito. Kung ako siya, baka kanina pa ako nagalit at nagsisisigw rito pero siya, parang siya pa iyong may kasalanan sa akin.

I once again forced my eyes to look at her beautiful face and my lips to pull up in a small smile. I knew deep within me, aside from the guilt, I still had a feeling of hatred towards her. Hindi iyon madaling mawawala dahil marami rin naman akong pinagdaanan noon, galit ako sa kaniya pati kay Jimin, galit ako sa kanilang dalawa pero kailangan ko munang isantabi ang galit na iyon ngayon dahil gusto ko ring marinig ang mga sasabihin niya.

I didn't know if she knew me, or did she even recognize me from the three lame encounters we had before, or if she knew me as someone so close to Jimin before, I didn't know. What I was somehow sure about was that she knew that Jimin had a daughter, she knew that Jimin had a daughter with me.

"Y-You can speak comfortably with m-me…" It took me so much courage and effort to speak for an icebreaker. Na-iilang na rin kasi ako sa katahimikan sa pagitan namin. Pakiramdam ko, kung hindi ako magsasalita, magtititigan lang kami buong oras.

Mabilis siyang nag-angat ng tingin sa akin mula sa pagkakayuko, ang pares ng singkit na mga mata ay banayad na tumitig sa akin habang bahagyang nakaparte ang maninipis at mapupulang mga labi. Mukhang hindi niya inaasahang ako ang unang magsasalita.

"You can understand Korean?" Her soft voice was so much nicer and beautiful than in the phone, the way her mother tongue slipped was smooth and so pleasing in my ears.

Nang dumating ako kanina rito sa café ay agad akong tinanong ng reservation. She needed a VIP room since she was a public figure. Sikat na sikat pa rin ang grupo nila kahit na nag-disband na sila, sikat din sila rito sa Pinas at hindi naman puwedeng kung saan-saan na lang kami magkita. Ako ang pumili ng lugar na pagkikitaan namin para masiguro kong sa ligtas at tagong lugar para sa kaniya kami makakapag-usap. Nauna siyang dumating kaya nahiya ako nang makita ko siya kanina.

"Yes, but I still need to improve my speaking…" I softly answered her with a chuckle that made her loosen up and chuckle also. Kusang gumuhit ang malapad na ngiti sa mga labi ko dahil kahit papaano, nakita ko kung paano nawala ang pagiging tensiyonado niya.

I was feeling awkward but it was bearable. Bukod sa napaka-comforting ng presensiya niya, nakakalunod din iyong ganda ng boses niya. That was something she had in common with Jimin. Mahiyain ang isang iyon pero napaka-comforting kasama kaya kahit awkward akong tao, komportable ako sa kaniya.

Really. Maybe Jimin and I didn't end up together because he more suited this woman in front of me.

"It's not that hard…" She prettily shook her head, some strands of her smooth pink hair framed her small face. "Anyway, I hope I'm not stealing your time from more important things you need to do."

Umayos ako ng upo saka binalingan ang sarili kong baso ng kape. She ordered espresso while I ordered French vanilla since I still didn't like black coffees. Tig-isa naman kami ng cinnamon croissant. Despite of the awkward atmosphere in between us earlier, I still had the audacity to pick my order while she just told me she was fine with whatever I ordered.

I slowly shook my head. "No, no. I came here because I also want to hear what you have to say…" Lumunok ako saka ko hinawakan gamit ang dalawang kamay ko ang baso ng kape ko at tumitig sa kaniya. "It's about Jimin, I guess?"

Hinanda ko na iyong sarili ko para rito. Sa daan pa lang patungo rito sa café ay marami ng tumatakbong ideya sa isipan ko. Iyong mga gusto niyang sabihin sa akin… iyong tungkol sa kanila ni Jimin na alam kong tuluyang magbibigay laya sa lahat ng mga sakit na naramdaman ko noon.

Jimin and I didn't have a proper closure. He had left me and that was it. At wala pa akong lakas ng loob na marinig mula mismo sa kaniya ang lahat, hindi ko kayang i-risk iyong nararamdaman ko para lang sa closure naming dalawa kaya naisip kong baka kapag kay Sally ko marinig ang lahat, mas madali.

My healed heart was once a wound, a battered heart so hearing things from someone who caused it pain, it might re-open old wounds and spill blood.

I couldn't afford that.

My lips hardly pressed together when she slowly nodded her head. "It's about the three of us, and also a lot of people involved."

"People involved?" I asked confusedly, seeing her hesitation. Bukod sa kanila ni Jimin, sa aming tatlo ay may mga iba pa bang mga taong involved?

"I… I a-actually don't know how to start. I want to tell you everything but it's complicated I don't know where to start." She sounded so confused as her brows matched how my brows furrowed.

Tumahimik ako at hinayaan siyang mag-isip habang nagpapakawala siya ng malalim na buntong-hininga. Ayaw ko siyang pangunahan kasi wala naman akong alam sa mga gusto niyang sabihin. Naisip ko ring kung gusto niya lang na sabihin sa aking gusto niya ng tahimik na buhay kasama si Jimin, na kailangan kong layuan si Jimin ay hindi dapat ganito kahirap iyon.

Sa part ko magiging mahirap kasi hindi ko alam kung magagawa ko bang ibigay sa kaniya iyon gayong hindi naman ako ang may kagustuhang manatili si Jimin dito, ang anak ko ang may gusto noon.

I realized that what she wanted to tell me was more complicated as she said and deeper than I what I had thought it was.

Mahinhing sumimsim muna siya sa kape niya bago muling bumaling sa akin, nasa mukha pa rin ang hesitasiyon pero ang mga mata ay puno ng determinasiyon na para bang kailangan na niyang masabi sa akin ang lahat ngayon.

I was willing to stay in my line and not step out of the boundary, just so she let my daughter have Jimin. Kung sasabihin niya sa aking layuan ko si Jimin, gagawin ko huwag niya lang hingin na lumayo pati si Eve sa Daddy niya.

Staring intently yet sadly at my eyes, she started spilling fragments of the past that were hidden from me. "Five years ago, SMT had almost fallen into a great strain. It was hard for the management, also for us, for the artists under the agency. We couldn't show people that, we needed them to still trust that we could still give them happiness so the management had decided to keep it from the public."

Sobrang haba ng sinabi niya, sobrang dami na halos hindi ko na maintindihan. Ni hindi ko alam kung anong kinalaman sa aming tatlo ng SMT.

Imbis na sumabat, nanatili akong tahimik. Hindi ako mapakali sa upuan ko pero pinilit kong manahimik para maliwanagan ako sa lahat ng mga gumugulo sa akin. Mas pinagulo niya lang kasi ang utak ko. Pakiramdam ko, may iba pa akong dapat malaman, mas malalim at mas komplikado.

"SMT is a business. Our president treasures the agency more than he treasures his artists, he would seriously do anything just to save it from the downfall. And there are lots of dirty doings in business, one of it was the disgusting conspiracy between SMT and Bighit…" She sadly stared at me, her eyes looking for something from my eyes just as her soft voice fell.

Dahan-dahan akong umiling. "I still don't get it, I still don't understand everything…" mahinag sabi ko.

She couldn't expect me to easily put two and two together. Hindi naman ako manghuhula para agad na malaman ang mga gusto niyang sabihin dahil lang sa mga impormasyong binigay niya sa akin. Ni hindi ko pa rin makita iyong kinalaman talaga ng SMT sa mga nangyari noon, isama pa ang Bighit.

Why would SMT and Bighit even get involved with it? Siguro, iyong unang beses na na-ilabas silang dalawa, puwede pang resulta ng pagkakasundo ng dalawang kumpanya pero iyong huli? I only saw Jimin's decisions…

She sighed deeply and continued talking. "In business, in order to hide the real stability of SMT before, a new issue should be released to divert the attention of the public. And that issue was the dating news between me and Jimin. SMT had conspired with Bighit, or it's better to say that SMT needed Bighit's help those times that was why they had me and Jimin pretend to be in a relationship…"

Sinuklay niya pataas ang buhok saka muling bumuntong-hininga, nakatitig pa rin sa akin. "You must be thinking why it had to be me and Jimin again? Well, that was where it got so dirty."

Parang ang hirap paniwalaan ng bigat ng mga sinasabi niya dahil sa lambot ng boses niya. Isa pa, nahihirapan din ang utak ko na intindihin ang lahat kasi mahirap naman talaga. Here I was thinking only about Jimin and Sally! I had never thought SMT and Bighit to be involved with this!

"SMT never plays fair. The management has always wanted to be the top so what happened was like a big blow, but of course, you couldn't expect SMT to be unprepared in such situation. SMT had cards, always has cards against other agencies, and the biggest card it had those times was what could bring Jimin of BTS, even the whole BTS down the fall. SMT blackmailed Bighit, in exchanged of those cards was the dating news between me and Jimin…" Nanginig ang mga labi niya saka siya yumuko, ang mga palad ay agad na sumalo sa mukha niya habang wala akong ibang magawa kung hindi ang tumitig lang sa kaniya.

Paano ko magagawang mag-react kung ganoon kabigat pala ang lahat? Paano ako mag-re-react kung isinampal na sa akin ng katotohanang hindi lang ako ang nahirapan noong mga panahong iyon?

I was hurt before because of what was only lent right in front of my eyes while there were other people who were also hurt because of the truth.

"I don't want to be a hypocrite saying I never liked Jimin. I like him so much but I'm not in the position to like him when he has responsibilities with another woman, someone he has been loving ever since. He will surely get mad at me for saying this all to you but I just want to help him break free from the two managements' conspiracy. I got out already, and he deserves to be out too." She silently cried in front of me, she was still so beautiful and it made me think if there was even a single point in her life that she did feel ugly?

Nakaka-guilty rin kasi wala akong magawa para patahanin siya.

I was a mess, my whole universe was. It felt like I didn't know what to believe anymore. Everything she said had sense, kung babalikan ko nga naman ang mga nangyari noon at itatagpi sa mga impormasyong nalaman ko sa kaniya ngayon, malinaw na malinaw nga naman ang kalalabasan ng lahat pero nasasaktan ako, nasasaktan ako kasi sobrang huli na para rito.

Had I known the truth before, back when I still didn't have Bien in my life, I could have been happy. Hindi ko kayang saktan si Bien. Hindi ko kayang maging masaya para sa puso ko kasi masasaktan ko si Bien. Hindi ko iyon gusto.

"I'm sorry you had to go through—" Nahinto ako nang sunod-sunod siyang umiling.

She raised her tear-stained face at me as her fingers were quick to dry those tears. Siguradong gigiyerahin ako ng mga Softies ng Bubbles maging ng mga fans ng relationship nila ni Jimin kapag nalaman nilang umiiyak si Sally ngayon sa harap ko.

"I'm sorry for what happened before. I loved my career so much I couldn't afford to lose it plus I have always liked Jimin. I'm sorry I had to take him away from you and from your baby." Her sincerity was hurting me.

Nakakatawa lang kasi hindi ganito ang inaasahan ko. Hindi ko inaasahang ganito siya kabait, na ganito siya mag-isip. She liked Jimin, it was her chance to get him. May mas karapatan siya kasi sa mata ng mga tao, siya ang nababagay kay Jimin.

Sa mundong ginagawalan nila, sa mundo nila, hindi sila ang magsasabi kung ano ang dapat, palagi silang naka-depende sa kung ano ang gusto ng public. They needed to always please the public, give their demands and go as what the public wished.

"Miss Sally…" I called her to get her attention.

"You can call me Sally. You seem nice so we can be friends," she said between cute sniffles. Mukhang waterproof naman ang makeup niya dahil hindi humuhulas kahit na basang-basa na ng luha ang mga mata niya.

Really, I was sincerely sorry for thinking so badly of her before, she didn't deserve it. Hindi lang naman ako ang nahirapan, siya rin, si Jimin din. Lahat kami nahirapan sa magkakaibang paraan.

"What I had with Jimin was long done, Sally. It's me who's in no position to be in between the two of you, also, I'm not holding my daughter as a leverage to get him."

"He loves you, believe me…" she said as if she wanted me to take what she was lending me because it wasn't easy for her, but it wasn't easy for me too.

Hindi porke't sinabi niyang mahal pa ako ni Jimin, ganoon kadali na lang ang lahat. Not when everything had changed already, emotions might stay the same but my mind wouldn't let my heart rule me now that I had people I didn't want to hurt in this life.

Kaya kong saktan ang sarili ko, huwag lang siya. Kaya kong ignorahin ang paulit-ulit na isinisigaw ng puso ko, kasi mas masakit kung sasaktan ko siya. To hurt Bien was like hurting myself.

Napatitig ako sa mga pagkain naming nasa mesa. Hindi pa bawas ang mga iyon maliban sa mga kape namin. Sino nga ba naman ang makukuha pang kumain sa gitna ng pag-uusap namin? Surely, not her when she was having difficulties spilling everything and not me when I was having a hard time processing everything.

"You like him." I stated in a low voice.

"Yes, but I don't plan to like him for long. I just thought that I couldn't invest to someone who couldn't give back the same I was giving. Why? You don't love him anymore?" Muli niya akong tinitigan na para bang mahahanap niya sa mga mata ko ang sagot. "Or is it because you're dating Bien oppa?"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa sinabi saka gumuhit ang malapad na ngisi sa mga labi niya na para bang hindi niya inaasahan ang reaksiyon ko. Her eyes were still puffy due to crying so it was weird to see her smiling. Kakatapos niya lang umiyak.

Really, Korean people were weird, though she looked cute.

"How did you know about that?" takang-tanong ko. Inisip kong mabuti kung magagawa ba ni Bien na sabihin sa ibang tao ang tungkol sa amin gayong alam niyang pribado akong tao.

Sure, they were in the same agency but Bien wouldn't seriously tell anyone in his agency about us. I trusted that he wouldn't. I trusted him.

"You don't read Korean articles, don't you?" Mas lumiit pa ang mga singkit niyang mga mata ng pinanliitan niya ako ng mata. She seemed comfortable with me already. "Bien oppa was reported to be dating a non-showbiz woman. It came out after the premiere of the movie you two had also attended. Don't worry, the agency has favoured the both of you since the news had pulled sales and ratings to the company."

"What are you talking about?" Dumiin ang tono ng boses ko. Sa lahat yata ng mga sinabi niyang nagpagulo ng utak ko, iyon ang pinaka-hindi ko gusto.

Just I never wanted to be on some Korean news or tabloids or magazines again!

Agad niyang natutop ang bibig gamit ang mga daliri niyang may mga makukulay na kuko, may mga makikinang at magagandang bato pa ang mga iyon. Umiling siya na para bang ayaw na niyang magsalita pa ng kung anong puwede kong ika-inis. Sumama sa galaw ng ulo niya ang ilang hibla ng buhok niya.

She really was beautiful, no joke and seriously.

"You s-should ask Bien oppa about it. He'll kill me if it came from me," she said in a muffled voice against the palms of her fingers.

Kang Sally was someone who only deserved good things. I meant, siguro nga may mga flaws siya na hindi ko pa nakikita pero sa buong oras na kasama ko siya at kausap, masasabi kong sobrang bait niya. Hindi lahat kayang gawin iyong ginawa niya. I actually thought she would tell me to stay away from her boyfriend but she didn't, instead, she lent me the truth Jimin had deprived me before. Ibinigay niya sa akin iyong katotohanang hindi ko gustong marinig mula kay Jimin.

I knew it was unfair. I knew that I should give Jimin the chance to explain, but if I did that, it would only have my heart a reason to hold on again to what I long ago had let go. Maybe it was being unfair to Jimin, but it was only being fair to Bien.

Sa kanilang dalawa, si Jimin iyong mas gugustuhin kong saktan dahil masyadong maraming nagawa si Bien para sa akin para lang saktan ko.

"You know you're really beautiful."

"You're so beautiful. No wonder why both Jimin oppa and Bien oppa like you."

Habang nagmamaneho palabas ng Valenzuela ay napangiti ako nang maalala ko ang huling mga salitang sinabi namin ni Sally sa isa't isa. We surely didn't have the same run of minds. Nakaka-flatter tuloy na nagagandahan siya sa akin gayong gandang-ganda ako sa kaniya. Sabay pa naming nasabi sa isa't isa ang mga iyon kaya tawa kami nang tawa sa loob ng VIP room ng café na iyon.

We didn't leave each other's numbers because she said, if we were lucky enough, the next time we would meet, we would be friends for real.

Kung totoo man iyong sinabi ni Sally na mahal pa rin ako ni Jimin… then it was such a waste for Jimin to lose someone like Kang Sally.

She was honestly for keeps.