Chapter Twenty-six

Naulit pa iyon, naulit pa ng ilang beses ang pagpunta namin ni Eve sa bahay ng BTS. Kung minsan ay kasama sina Evah at Namjoon, pero madalas ay wala sila. Sa tuwing umiiyak si Eve dahil sa sobrang pagka-inip at walang magawa sa bahay ay si Jimin ang hinahanap niya, palagi niyang bukam-bibig ang Daddy niya.

One time we were all in the dining table eating dinner when she suddenly spoke of Jimin. She had just enthusiastically told Kuya Haynes a new toy her father bought for her but she didn’t have any idea how she just put me into a very sudden and cornering situation.

Alam na ng mga magulang ko na may isang Bien sa buhay namin ni Eve. Si Bien kasi ang madalas bigkasin ni Eve noon kaya nagtanong sa akin si Mamang kung sino si Bien na matapat ko namang sinagot. I had told my mother he was a father figure for Eve and that he had a special place in my heart, also in my daughter’s heart. Hindi man nila sabihin, alam kong naintindihan nila kung ano kami pareho ni Bien sa isa’t isa since wala naman akong label na binanggit sa kanila, alam kong iniisip nilang may relasyon kami ni Bien.

Iyon din ang gusto kong isipin. Gusto kong isipin na si Bien na, na kapag natapos niya ang ginagawa niya sa Seoul ay makakasama na ulit namin siya ni Eve at kung puwede, gusto ko na ring mag-settle down kasama siya. That was what I wanted. That was what should happen. That was where everything of this should end, but with what was happening right now… I could only see that far away from my grip.

Si Kuya Haynes ay masamang tingin lang ang ibinato sa akin at kung wala lang ang mga magulang namin sa hapag ay baka inilingan na niya ako dahil disappointed na naman siya.

“Evah’s friends are here in the Philippines. They like Eve so they’re buying her toys…” I remembered Chelsea nonchalantly saving me when Mamang had asked who Jimin was.

Pinakaba lang naman ako ng salubong niyang mga kilay. Hindi ko alam kung natatandaan ba niya ang pangalang Jimin o sadyang concern lang siya sa mga taong nakapaligid kay Eve. Isa pa, alam ni Mamang na nagka-boyfriend ako noon, alam niyang ito rin ang Daddy ni Eve pero hindi ako nagkaroon ng pagkakataong ipakilala si Jimin sa pamilya kaya hindi rin nila personally kilala si Jimin.

“I’m glad there are good people around my granddaughter…” Masaya ang tono ng boses ni Mamang at kumikislap ang mga mata nang balingan niya si Eve na abala na sa pagkain. “I've been thinking of throwing a little party for Eve, Hanselle. Late na pero gusto kong makilala ng buong pamilya ang apo ko.”

I low-key agreed with that though I knew it would only expose my daughter to more people. Naisip ko rin namang sa pamilya ipapakilala si Eve kaya hindi na masama. I was sure they would understand our setup because it wasn’t new anymore nowadays. They might think ill of me but I was sure, they would like Eve.

Who wouldn’t? She was an angel.

Kaya napagpasyahan naming pagsabayin ang baptismal party ng kambal at ang welcome party para kay Eve. Three angels would be introduced to the family, Ursulas would come so it was only right. Dadalo rin ang pamilya ni Chelsea, from Cebu ay lilipad pa ang mga ito patungong Valenzuela.

The Ursula Mansion was too big, it could house more people.

Ayos lang naman kay Kuya Haynes at Chelsea ang ganoon dahil hindi rin naman sila nagbabalak ng engrandeng baptismal party para sa kambal. They just wanted a simple celebration after the baptismal ceremony that they said they wanted to be held here at the Ursula Mansion. Mag-i-invite na lang ng pari rito na siyang bibinyag sa mga bata.

Also, the plan Chelsea had talked with me would still be implemented, iyon nga lang, hindi na Eve’s ang mag-ki-cater dahil walang Eve’s branch dito sa Valenzuela at marami namang restaurants na may catering service dito.

“Eve, stop being stubborn. You’ve been with him the whole week!” galit na sigaw ni Kuya Haynes habang pababa ng hagdan, sa likod niya nakasunod si Chelsea dala ang attaché case na madalas niyang gamit sa trabaho.

Eve instantly stopped moving stubbornly all around her rubber carpet matted in the middle of the living room and she stared up the staircase. She had been moping and crying because she wanted to go to Jimin again. Kaya pala maaga pa lang ay niyaya na niya si Jessie na maligo at mag-ayos ay dahil gusto na naman niyang makita ang Daddy niya.

Kuya was right. Nitong nakaraang lingo ay araw-araw kasama ni Eve si Jimin, kahit sina Mamang at Papang ay nagtataka na dahil kung minsan ay gabi na kami pareho nakaka-uwi ni Eve. Sometimes, I would go with her and we would get home late because she didn't want to go home yet but Kuya Haynes somehow eased up and let Eve be with her father without me.

It was my request. I had personally told him that he should let Eve be with her father without me because I didn’t like how the idol was affecting me again. Si Kuya Haynes iyong naging sumbungan ko noon, at hanggang ngayon, ganoon pa rin. He would understand what I was implying because he knew almost of what I had gone through before. At katulad ko, pareho naming ayaw na ma-ulit ang lahat ng iyon kaya umiiwas ako.

Hindi ko napigilang masaktan nang makita ko ang agad na panunubig na naman ng mga mata ni Eve nang muli siyang bumaling sa akin. My daughter knew too much how I was a softie for her, she knew how I would always come with her caprices because I loved her so much, and she also knew too well that her tears were my heartbreaks.

Nanginig ang mga labi niya kasabay ng muling pagbabagsakan ng mga luha mula sa magaganda niyang mga mata. Strands of curly hairs were sticking to her tear-stained cheeks and her small fists were desperately wiping her face, it was useless because her tears were unstoppable. Ang malakas niyang hikbi ang mas nagpasakit sa puso ko.

From a corner, I saw Jessie staring teary-eyed at Eve while clutching one of Eve’s Finn stuffed toy. Napansin ko ring ang paglapit ni Esen kay Eve bago ito tahimik na naupo sa tabi ng bata na tila binibigyan ng comfort ang anak ko. Agad naman itong napansin ni Eve kaya mas lumakas ang iyak niya, hinahaplos na ang balahibo ni Esen sa batok.

Malungkot akong bumaling kay Kuya Haynes na ngayon ay nakapameywang na sa paanan ng hagdan habang salubong ang kilay na pinapanood ang pag-iyak ni Eve. I could clearly see softness from his eyes but he was trying to mask it with his anger and frustration.

“No, Hanselle. She’s very spoiled, and in a very bad way. She’s still too young, hindi mo ba alam na kapag lumaki iyang ganyan, baka magkasungay iyan.” Umiling si Kuya bago nilingon ang asawa para kunin ang attaché case niya.

“Haynes, we can’t let the kid cry the whole day. Alam mo namang hindi iyan titigil hangga’t hindi nakukuha ang gusto niya…” Chelsea softly told her husband who hardly shook his head again. He even raised his free hand as if dismissing the topic before he gave me a bland look.

“Hindi lalabas ng mansiyon ang batang iyan. I don’t want to hear that she again went to that dude. I trust that you’re smart enough not to go against it, Hanselle.” Naglakad na paalis si Kuya at agad namang sumunod sa kaniya si Chelsea.

I had always considered Kuya’s decisions because they were all just for us. Masakit para sa akin na huwag pagbigyan ang gusto ni Eve pero tama si Kuya. She was already getting out of control just because she was getting all she wanted.

“We’ll call your Tito Bien so stop looking for your Jimin oppa, okay?” Tumayo ako sa couch na pinupuwestuhan ko saka siya nilapitan. I lifted her up from the rubber carpet and cradled her little form in my arms, I even swayed her so she would stop crying.

Her pair of small hands went snaking weakly around my neck, her legs lamely dangled by my side as she instantly dipped her face into the crook and cried harder. Marahan kong hinaplos ang likod niya para patahanin siya saka ko nilingon ang kinaroroonan ni Jessie.

I sighed deeply as I saw her pout. “Take her tablet, Jessie. Hindi ko dapat abalahin si Bien ng ganitong oras dahil nasa trabaho iyon pero siya lang makakapagpatahan kay Eve.”

Agad namang sumunod si Jessie. Nang makabalik siya dala ang tablet ni Eve ay umupo ako sa couch saka marahang inilapag ang bata sa kandungan ko.

I lightly pulled her head off my neck, my heart once again ached seeing her lips pulled down in a frown and her eyes red and puffy from crying. Inayos ko ang buhok niya, itinabi ko sa likod ng mga tainga niya ang mga hiblang tumatabing sa mukha niya.

She sniffed and pouted even more. “Tito Haynes is bad, Mommy…” she cutely muttered in a soft innocent voice.

I smiled warmly at that. “He’s not bad, mahal ko. He just doesn’t want you to go out of the house. Good girls follow what they’re told to, right? He just wants you to stay home since you’ve been out the whole week. You remember what he has been telling you? There’s a news about bad people taking kids, he just doesn’t want you get taken from us.”

“But Jimin oppa is not a bad person, Mommy. He’s nice! He buys me toys! He also said he loves me!” Tumaas ang tono ng boses niya, halatang may gustong ipaglaban. Lukot na ang mukha niya at mas nagkakandahaba pa ang nguso.

“Hey, hey, he's not a bad person and he loves you, of course mahal ko, I know. Everyone loves you because you're so precious, hm…" I tapped her small nose with mine that made her giggle. "You can see him some other time, but for now, we’ll see your Tito Bien. Don’t you miss him?” Inilapit ko siya sa katawan ko saka ko dinampot ang phone kong nahanap ko sa gilid ng couch.

“I do, Mommy. I want to see him badly but you said he’s working,” mahina niyang sagot, ang maliliit na kamay ay pinaglalaruan na ang ribbon ng blouse na suot ko.

“Yes, when you have dreams, Eve, you have to work for it.” Alam ko namang hindi pa niya maiintindihan ang mga pinagsasabi ko pero isa sa mga nalaman ko sa kaniya, she might not smart, but she had a very sharp memory.

Madalas ay may mga bagay siyang pinapa-alala sa akin na sobrang tagal na. Kahit iyong isang beses niya lang nakita sa TV ay alam niya agad, songs na isang beses niya lang narinig ay naririnig kong kinakanta niya tapos may mga sinasabi siya sa aking mga salita na kahit ako ay hindi alam ang ibig sabihin.

“Mommy, I dream every night so I need to work for it?” she innocently asked me, arching her head back so she would see my face. Her eyes were blinking cutely it was hard to stop myself from showering her kisses and squeezing her in my arms.

Mahina akong natawa ganoon din si Jessie na naka-upo na rin sa couch hawak pa rin ang tablet. I started dialing Bien’s number because for sure, he wasn’t online on Skype since he might be at work. Kailangan ko munang ipalaam sa kaniya na gusto siyang makita ni Eve.

“Not that kind of dream, Eve. Dreams, they are like goals you’ll want to achieve. When you grow old, you’ll understand what kind of dream I’m talking about, hm…” Hinalikan ko siya sa ulo saka itinuon na ang atensiyon sa phone ko. Bien’s number was ringing from the other line when I put my phone by my ear.

Agad din naman niyang sinagot. [“Seol-ah! Yah, I miss you!]” His voice sounded excited and happy it made me smile widely just as my heart drummed loudly.

Si Bien iyong tao sa buhay ko, maliban sa pamilya at mga kaibigan ko, na hinding-hindi ako iiwan kahit na talikuran man ako ng buong mundo, maging ng sarili ko. Matagal na niyang pinatunayan iyon. He had set his priority with me and my daughter at the top of the hierarchy and just imagine so many people who were willing to sacrifice everything just so they would stand in my shoes, there were so many so I wouldn’t want to be stupid and crazy to let the luck and opportunity slip away.

When our paths had crossed the fifth time, during the times I was busy picking the pieces of my broken heart and reconstructing my destroyed world, he had helped me get through all those. I had failed to see his very importance before because I was busy reflecting and healing, I was even set in one mindset that I wouldn’t ever be ready to fall in love again so I had the door of my heart closed for him.

I had let him in my life but had banned him from my heart. He didn’t deserve such treatment.

“It surprised me knowing you personally know, Byun Bien. Tell me, ilang idols pa ba ang kilala mo para gawing ninong ni Chan?” Em teasingly told me while watching Bien play with my one-year old baby in his arms.

One photo of him would seriously rattle the showbiz world. He was a famous idol, I was sure, whoever would see him carrying a baby would freak out. Masyado pa namang mainit ang mata ng mga paparazzi company ngayon sa mga idols dahil ilang taon na noong huling may inilabas na couple idols. His other members were also being targeted since they were one of the biggest boy group.

Ni hindi ko nga maalala kung kailan pa kami naging close sa isa’t isa. Sure, we had had little and not so good encounters before but I couldn’t seriously remember that I called him a friend, let alone treated him like one though he sure had been very friendly to me, and that didn’t count because friendship should be mutual.

“I don’t personally know him, Em but I had encounters with him before. Nagkita kami ulit sa ospital noong nakaraang dinala ko si Eve para sa huling vaccine schedule niya. He kindly offered me a ride…” I exasperatedly sighed.

It never crossed my mind at all that he would pay us a visit bringing fruits, I didn’t even think that we would ever see each other again. Nagpasalamat na ako sa kaniya noong hinatid niya kami ng anak ko rito sa bahay noon at inasahan kong hanggang doon na lang iyon pero bigla siyang lumitaw sa labas ng bahay kanina na akala mo ay natural na gawin niya ang bisitahin kami. Natiyempuhan pang narito si Em sa bahay dahil may shoot siya malapit dito.

How could I ever forget that she was once a LUX-L?

“You’re unbelievably surrounded with idols, though I like this one more… he’s so handsome!” At kulang na lang ay magtitili siya sa tabi ko habang wala pa ring tigil sa panunulyap kay Bien.

Hindi ko rin naman mapigilang sang-ayunan siya sa isipan ko dahil totoo namang guwapo si Bien. Noong nagkita kami sa ospital noong nakaraan ay aaminin kong halos mapanganga nga ako nang makilala ko siya. He was in a full-disguised outfit back then but it wasn’t hard for me to recognize him. Maraming nagbago sa kaniya mula sa huling natatandaan kong imahe niya.

Ganoon pa rin naman ang ugali niya, masyado pa rin siyang makulit at matanong pero hindi siya nagtatanong ng tungkol sa anak ko. He sure was surprised when he saw me with a baby.

“Y-Your baby?” he asked, wide-eyed.

“Yes,” I answered with a nod. And I knew, with how his forehead jumped and his lips parted, I knew he realized why Eve had happened but he didn’t ask anything anymore.

Hindi ko naman nasabi sa kaniya noon ang namamagitan sa amin ni Jimin pero nakita niya kaming magkasama noon kaya alam kong alam niyang nagkaroon kami noon ni Jimin ng relasyon. Isa pa, matapos ang araw na iyon ay pumutok din ang balitang may non-showbiz girlfriend si Jimin kaya imposibleng hindi niya alam.

Dalawang taon na ang lumipas, masaya na ako sa buhay ko kasama ang anak ko kaya ayaw ko nang isipin pa ang tungkol kay Jimin.

Iyong pagdalaw na iyon ni Bien, naulit pa iyon ng ilang beses habang lumalaki si Eve. I once tried stopping him from visiting us but he didn’t bulge until my daughter had come to love his presence, until I got tired and just let his fatherly figure and presence be there for my daughter.

Hinayaan ko siya kasi nakikita kong masaya si Eve sa tuwing kasama siya. She was growing and I knew, she was starting to adopt Bien into her life, it would be hard to take him away from her. Hinayaan ko siya kasi nakikita ko iyong affection niya sa anak ko na dapat iyong taong wala rito iyong nagbibigay sa kaniya.

I let him because I had also come to love his presence by our side.

Malungkot akong ngumiti kay Bien nang mapagbuksan ko siya ng pinto. Bagsak ang mga balikat at puno ng lungkot ang mga mata. I was surprised he still wasn’t crying.

“I know you’re not fine—“ Hindi ko na natapos ang sinasabi ko dahil mabilis na niya akong niyakap saka isinubsob sa leeg ko ang mukha niya, agad kong naramdaman ang pamamasa ng leeg ko at ang panginginig niya.

Hesitantly, I raised my hand and gently caressed his back, standing still and letting him cry his pains. He had been there with us, so I was willing to carry his weight and be his shoulder to cry on now that he was hurting the most.

“Just cry, no one will stop you, Bien…” malungkot kong sabi.

Mahigpit na pumulupot sa baywang ko ang mga braso niya. “We… w-we did everything just so we could save the g-group but they still decided to break us off…” aniya sa basag na tinig, ang mga labi ay bahagyang dumidikit sa balat ko.

“It’s fine, you’ll be fine, Bien. You still have your friends, you just lost the group, not the people… not your dream. There are still so much ways to showcase your talent, okay?”

The disbandment of LUX didn’t only break their fans’ hearts but also every member’s heart… include mine because seeing him hurt was almost unbearable. He treasured his friends yes, but he also treasured the group as one, because tangled with it was their fans and their dreams.

That day, he spent the night with us, still hurting but my daughter somehow had lightened up his emotions.

He still had his friends, he still had me and Eve.

Kinabukasan ay tinawagan siya ng SMT para sa isang balitang sobrang nakapagpasaya sa kaniya. He was appointed as one of the company’s director together with the other remaining LUX members, also, he would still have a chance to work the way he wanted through handling trainees under his care.

That was more than enough to make it up for his loss.

“I miss you too, Bien,” nakangiti kong sagot kay Bien na nasa kabilang linya ng phone matapos kong mapagtanto kung gaano na katagal pareho ang pinagsamahan namin.

We were both into each other’s lives through thick and thin and that we had had so many ups and down that we both had gotten through together, we were both present during our happy times and had each other backs all the way.

We, of course, deserved a happy life together.

[“I wasn’t expecting your call but I’m more than delighted! The boys are out for their final practice, Seol, they’ll be having their first stage appearance this week!”] masayang sabi niya, paniguradong sobrang laki ng ngiti sa mga labi at nawawala ang mga mata.

I loudly gasped at that. Kahit si Eve na nasa kandungan ko ay ibinigay na ang buong atensiyon sa akin. I imagined Bien’s happy face that made me smile widely and proudly. How I wished I was there with him to personally congratulate him.

“I’m so happy for you! Bien, I’m so proud! You already have a name for them? I don’t want to be nosy and spoil the moment, but I’m curious…” Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi ko dahil ayaw ko namang mapilitan siya kung hindi pa talaga puwedeng sabihin.

He chuckled softly from the other line that warmed my heart. [“Of course, you’re entitled for some privileges, Seol. I made them choose between Peter Pan and Wolves and they chose the latter, I think, it suits them too.”]

“It does. I can’t wait to see them! I’m sure the song you prepared for them will be a trend! God, Bien, this is such a news!” Saglit kong sinulyapan si Eve na tahimik na nakatingala sa akin, naghihintay kung kailan niya makikita si Bien. I just couldn’t get over the news he spilled. Matagal niyang hinintay ito, at ngayong nangyayari na, pakiramdam ko hindi totoo. It was his dreams, so it felt surreal.

[“The song I prepared for them will be their debut song but I’ll let them write and compose their songs the next time. They’re amazing, Seol, they have so many amazing talents.”] He sounded so proud.

“You’re amazing just like them, Bien. They’ll happen because of you. Wait, I need to do something to celebrate this!”

[“Just let me see you and Chan, that will be more than enough. I miss the both of you so much…”]