Chapter Seventeen

Ridiculous coincidence, it was too tiring to reason out things just to avoid all that was happening, to deny all that was happening now that none of it seriously favoured me.

Kailan ba kasi ako kinampihan ng tadhana?

Noon pa lang ay hindi na pabor sa akin ang mga pangyayaring ibinabato nito sa buhay ko. Hindi na ako magpapaka-ipokrita at sasabihing kasama si Jimin at ang buong BTS sa mga pangyayaring iyon, dahil kaya kong aminin sa sarili kong isa sila sa mga pinakamagandang nangyari sa akin noon. I would admit, I wouldn't deny it. Pero gaya nga ng sabi ko, noon. Nakaraan na. Tapos na.

They were all in my past, so I would openly say now that having to meet some members of BTS again wasn't a good thing.

This wasn't just a ridiculous coincidence, I couldn't just let this be a coincidence again because crap, Em was pregnant and there was no way I would believe that Jungkook was here for Jimin! Taehyung and Namjoon might have no business here other than helping Jimin, but that was what it was, Jimin was here for my daughter!

Where was the freaking coincidence there?! Wala! They were all here for a reason!

Mula sa tahimik na paninitig sa tatlong lalaking naka-upo sa harap ko rito sa loob ng VIP room ng Japanese restaurant, nagpakawala ako ng malalim na buntong-hininga habang iniisip kung kailan ako titigilan ng tadhana sa pagbibigay ng mga nakakagulat na kaganapan.

I was just fine upon Tita Celine's safe departure earlier!

Ang poproblemahin ko na lang sana ay kung paano ko ma-ilalayo si Eve kay Jimin gayong nandito nga ang lalaking iyon, at pinatunayan lang iyon ng eksistensiya ng tatlong lalaking ito sa harap ko ngayon.

Hindi madaling ilabas sila sa kotse nila at hilahin papasok dito sa restaurant dahil mga public figures sila, pero hindi naman ako ang nagpumilit na makipag-usap kaya hindi ako ang mag-a-adjust para sa kanila. I was done with all that. Nasa Pilipinas sila, sila ang mag-adjust. No one asked them to go here in the first place.

They wore disguises favour in their personal taste, naka-puting hoodie si Jungkook, bucket hat at mask kanina, si Taehyung naman ay simpleng dress shirt ang suot at mask lang samantalang si Namjoon ay naka-itim na leather jacket at sombrero. Ngayon ay naka-baba na ang mga mask at hat na suot nila.

It was a nice thing that there weren't so much people here because let's all be real here, hindi lang naman ang privacy nila ang malalagay sa alanganin kung sakaling may makakilala sa kanila rito ngayon, the last thing I wanted to happen was to get involved again with any of them.

"Noona, your food might get cold—" Kusang huminto si Jungkook sa pag-a-attempt na magsalita matapos ang ilang minutong katahimikan nang palihim siyang siniko ni Taehyung na siyang nasa gitna.

Nagsisiksikan sila sa mahabang upuan sa harap ko, hindi na rin ako nag-abala pang i-offer sa isa sa kanila ang upuang nasa tabi ko dahil mukhang ramdam din naman nilang hindi magiging maganda ang ideyang iyon.

I saw Namjoon's hand that tensely held the chopsticks stop in mid-air as he slowly turned his head towards his friends. Jungkook innocently stared at Taehyung as if asking what was wrong while Taehyung just rolled his eyes before silently pointing the food for Jungkook. Hindi siya makapag-angat ng tingin sa akin, ganoon din si Namjoon pero hindi si Jungkook, kanina pa niya ako sinusulyapan habang tahimik na pinapanood silang kumain.

I wanted to ask if they just brought me here to watch them all eat but I refrained myself, ayaw kong sa akin manggaling ang unang mga salita.

"But her food is getting colder. I've been watching her and she still haven't touched anything. She's obviously mad at us." Jungkook told Taehyung, his lips protruding while carelessly pointing at the foods using his chopstick.

Hindi ko mapigilang isipin na may mga nagbago na nga talaga sa kanila. Of course, I couldn't expect them to stay the same after all those years. Sa pisikal na anyo pa lang nila ay napakalaki na ng mga pagbabago, kahit sa pananalita at pagkilos. They kind of had matured already, there might still be a slight hint of childishness in terms of speaking but the behavior, the way they now carried and catered themselves had somehow changed.

Before, when in front of me, they would either squeal at their seat while smiling and talking to me, now, I was having none of it, really. Parang ibang mga tao ang kaharap ko ngayon. Yes, because they were the idol self of themselves. They were no longer the BTS members I had used to know, just like how Jimin was no longer the Jimin I had used to know.

"Stupid, hadn't you been listening to Jimin? He said she can now understand Korean."

"What? It's a good thing! It's tiring to speak English!"

"You still should speak English, like the old times Jungkook-ah!"

"Don't hit me, hyung! I'm eating!"

Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong magsalita para putulin ang pagbabangayan nina Taehyung at Jungkook, because seriously, hindi ako sumama sa kanila rito para lang masaksihan silang mag-away. Gusto kong sabihan si Namjoon na patigilin ang dalawa pero tulad nga ng sabi ko, ayaw kong maunang makipag-usap sa kanila.

I didn't care if I was being immature again, because what could I do? Hindi maganda ang loob ko! Hindi ako masayang nandito sila ngayon sa harap ko at kaswal na kumakain na para bang nakipagkita lang sila sa isang kaibigang matagal nilang hindi nakita. It was true that we hadn't see each other for a long time but we were no longer friends anymore.

I couldn't be friends again with people who could easily betray and break a friend's trust.

I uncomfortably shifted in my seat, wanting them to notice how I was no longer liking what was happening at this very ridiculous situation where the only comforting thing for me was the fact that after this, I might get them to send Jimin what I had been dying to tell him ever since the day he had met Eve. I didn't want any deal with the man, because there was really no way I would ever let him near my daughter.

My daughter. My daughter's life was already full-packed with people who loved her so there was no space for him anymore.

"Hanselle, i-it's been a while. Y-You've changed a lot. I'm sorry for bumping on your car earlier. These two just couldn't stay still inside the car and had me failed to see your car ahead." Finally, Namjoon spoke after of what seemed like forever for me. Maingat niyang nilapag ang pares ng chopsticks niya sa gilid ng plato niyang may raw fish meat dahil iyon ang in-order niya saka pilit na ngumiti sa akin, ang malalim niyang dimple sa kaliwang pisngi ay agad na lumitaw.

Jungkook and Taehyung both stopped arguing, heads quickly snapping towards their leader and when they saw their leader staring intently at me, they brought their head towards me in sync.

"If this is about the accident earlier, we could've just gone to the police station to settle and not here to eat. I couldn't really waste time watching you eat, you see, I have a lot of important things to do." Mabilis akong nag-iwas ng tingin at yumuko na lang para hindi ko makita ang mga mukha nila.

Galit ako, pero mahirap magalit sa kanila dahil sa mga malalambot nilang titig sa akin na para bang natatakot silang hindi ko magugustuhan ang kahit na anumang maliit na galaw na gagawin nila. Isa pa, they were the men I had admired so much before, also the same people who had betrayed me so it was weird to have them here in front of me again as if nothing happened.

I didn't know how to forget people that had done bad things to me.

"Misseu, we missed you. Don't be so cold—"

"You expect me to greet you happily then, Taehyung?" Hindi ko napigilang magtunog sarcastic pero hindi ko hinayaan ang sarili kong humingi ng tawad. The way he called me even almost brought me back to the past.

"Misseu," Taehyung uttered shocked but low.

Mariin akong pumikit dahil hindi ko nagustuhan kung paanong paraang sinusuntok ang dibdib ko dahil sa lambot ng boses ni Taehyung, natural na malalim ang boses niya kaya nakakapanlambot talaga. Kung mananatili pa ako rito ay baka bumigay na lang ako, baka makita ko na lang ang sarili kong bumabalik sa nakaraan.

I couldn't be soft for these men again.

"Let's get this done over with, gentlemen. Why are you all here seriously?" Kay Namjoon ako bumaling dahil sa kanilang tatlo, siya lang ang mukhang makaka-usap ko ng matino nang hindi ako nagkakaroon ng internal turmoil.

Both Jungkook and Taehyung couldn't really handle things maturely like how Namjoon could, and even before, I had this soft spot for these two maknaes of BTS.

"I think you know why," Namjoon answered, still staring softly at me as if afraid to blurt out wrong words that would probably upset me even more.

They knew, they knew we all weren't in good terms.

"I don't think we're thinking the same thing, Namjoon. Where's your friend? Is he well-informed that being here would be useless? Is that what you're thinking? If not, then I don't know anymore…" My chest started rising and falling, feeling my gut clenching. Ang mga kamay kong nasa ibabaw ng mesa ay gusto nang magsara habang nararamdaman ko ang pagpipigil na sumigaw, na magalit sa kanila nang tuluyan dahil iyon lang ang tanging paraan para gumaan ang loob ko. But I didn't. I didn't, instead I just continued staring coldly at them.

"Jimin's here for you daughter—"

"Yes, you've said it Namjoon, my daughter. He doesn't have any business here, you all don't have business here. Why don't you just drag your friend back to Korea?" Ibinaba ko ang mga kamay ko mula sa mesa sa ibabaw ng mga hita ko dahil sa unti-unting pagsasara ng mga ito.

What did they think? Upon knowing about the existence of my daughter, Jimin could just easily go back to our life like nothing happened? Were they ridiculous? Gusto ba nilang magalit na talaga ako ng tuluyan dito at ipagtabuyan sila pabalik ng Korea?

"Yah, since when Hanselle noona have been this scary?" Jungkook loudly whispered to Taehyung, who also stared at me as scared as Jungkook. Hindi siya nakatanggap ng pagsiko mula kay Taehyung dahil mukhang abala ang huli sa paninitig sa akin, malamang iniisip din niya ang mga pagbabago sa akin.

I didn't expect them to stay as they were before, so they shouldn't also expect that there were no changes in me, like Namjoon had said.

"I won't decide for Jimin but if we all choose to go back, that would be after he fixed what he came here for." Namjoon calmly leaned his arms on top of the table, slowly getting comfortable with this talk.

Nalukot ang mukha ko dahil sa pagkaka-intindi roon. Hindi nga talaga kami pareho ng iniisip, malabong magtugma ang mga isipan namin kung magkasalungat naman ang mga gusto naming mangyari.

"And you don't exactly expect me to just stay still and let him do things as he pleases, right? I hope you're not forgetting that Jimin left me years ago to raise my child alone. You're smart, Namjoon, I thought you'd understand me," sabi ko na nilakipan ko ng disappointment dahil mukhang magkaiba nga kami ng iniisip.

Iniisip nilang posibleng magkita pa ulit si Jimin at Eve, how ridiculous! Iniisip din nilang mapapayagan kong mangyari iyon! At mukhang kinakalimutan na nga nila ang mga nangyari sa amin ni Jimin noon!

Seriously, ayaw ko nang maupo rito at pakinggan pa sila. Hindi sila mukhang basta-basta na lang susunod sa mga sasabihin ko, para bang narito sila para sa isang bagay at hindi ako ang makakapigil sa kanila para gawin iyon.

"There's a reason as to why all that happened before had taken place, Hanselle. Everything was—"

Hindi ko na siya pinatapos pa sa pagsasalita dahil mabilis ko nang dinampot ang bag kong nasa tabi ko, hindi ako sumama sa kanila rito para makinig sa mga paliwanag nila tungkol sa mga nangyari noon. Tapos na ako roon, hindi ko na hinihingi pa ang paliwanag ng kahit na sino sa kanila dahil ayaw ko nang balikan pa ang mga iyon.

I noticed how Jungkook lightly jumped in his seat when I quickly stood up, getting ready to leave and not wanting to meet any of them again.

"Noona—"

"Tell your friend I'll seriously sue him if he ever tries to go near my daughter again. Tell him he better flies back to Korea and leaves my daughter for good. Tell him my daughter never needed him, never needs him, and that he doesn't have a place in her life. Tell him all of that so he'll have some shame in him and never show up anymore."

Striding out of the VIP room and out of the restaurant was almost pulling me to just break down and let myself fall so when I successfully reached my car and safely sat at the driver's seat, my tears immediately sprang free as my loud painful sobs clouded the whole car.

Masakit na kinailangan kong magmukhang matigas sa harap nila, masakit na kinailangan kong umarteng galit na galit ako sa kanila dahil sa mga nangyari noon pero mas masakit pa lang malaman na hanggang ngayon, may natitira pa ring maliit na espasyo sa puso ko para sa mga taong iyon.

They were my friends, and it hurt knowing they were the same people who had betrayed me before. Friends don't betray each other, so how could they?

After calming my self and making sure I was already fine I continued driving back home and fortunately, I made it home before lunch.

Sa dami ng mga nangyari sa loob lang ng isang araw ay gusto ko na lang na makita si Eve at isama sa kuwarto ko para magpahinga. I wanted to bring her and lock her in the safety of my arms so that I could be rest-assured that she wouldn't be taken away from me, not when Jimin was just around and probably planning to see my daughter.

Hinding-hindi ko mapapayagan iyon!

Naabutan kong nasa bahay sina Mamang at Papang kahit na dapat ay nasa opisina sila, they were playing with a frowning Eve when I came home and I thought, the only comforting thing for my daughter were the crowd of the stuffed toys on the centertable. Kasama nila sa living room sina Evah at Em, malamang ay naroon sila para bantayan si Eve lalo na at hindi pa ito sanay sa mga magulang ko.

The last time my parents had bonded with my daughter, the little girl was crying so hard not wanting the foreign presence. Kaya hindi nga siguro magiging maganda kung maiiwan siyang mag-isa. We didn't want her crying so hard again, she would seriously call for Bien again, wanting the busy man by her side.

"You like that orange dog, right? What's its name again?" Mamang softly asked Eve, picking a Jake stuffed toy from the crowd of stuffies in the table.

Mukhang nakuha na ng mga magulang ko ang ilang mga bagay na gusto ni Eve, Finn and Jake had always been in every stuff Eve owned. Sa kuwarto ay napuno na ang kama ng mga stuffed toy niya, kahit ang ilang mga personal stuff ni Eve sa hapag ay nasa kusina na rin, ang suot niyang indoor slippers ay may design ni Jake kaya imposibleng hindi malaman nina Mamang at Papang ang hilig ng bata sa mga Cartoon characters na iyon.

The rest of them just watched as Eve slowly stared at the stuffed toy being pushed to her lap and I almost jumped in both joy and overwhelming emotions when she raised a gaze at my mother while taking the stuffed toy, cutely nodding after.

"His name's Jake," Eve simply answered, her soft and low voice immediately making its way to my heart and warming my insides.

Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad patungo sa kanila kaya agad nila akong napansin, agad na natuon sa akin ang atensyon ni Mamang mula kay Eve at agad na naglaho ang sayang nararamdaman ko kanina nang mabilis din siyang mag-iwas ng tingin. I understood that she still couldn't truly forgive me and I accepted how she would treat me now. I accepted and understood because I deserved this.

"Hanselle, nandiyan ka na pala…" Evah knowingly said to cut the awkwardness, lalo na dahil kahit si Papang ay wala ring sinasabi.

Muling bumagsak sa anak ko ang tingin ko, binalikan ng ngiti ang mga labi ko nang makita kong mukhang komportable naman siya sa suot niyang pares ng lavender spaghetti top at cotton short, malinis ang pagkakapugong ng buhok niya kaya hindi siya pinagpapawisan.

Sana naman tuluyan nang mag-adopt ang katawan niya sa klima ng Pinas.

She didn't even spare me attention as she busied herself with the stuffed toy in front of her. Kung sa normal na pagkakataon ay madidismaya ako dahil wala pa ring pagbabago sa tungo niya sa akin pero mas gusto ko yata iyon ngayon kaysa ang makita niyang hindi maganda ang estado ng relasyon namin ng mga magulang ko.

Yes, she was still too young be to aware, she was still very innocent to know what was happening so she wouldn't bother even get curious about everything. That was her, she was too nonchalant.

Tumayo si Evah at si Em saka ko pa lang napansing bihis na bihis sila pareho, I was about to ask them when they beat me to it.

"We're just waiting for you, Hanselle. May lalakarin lang kami ni Em and we'll talk later. Aly's upstairs with the twins and their nannies, we really need to go, Hanselle."

Mukha ngang ako na lang ang hinihintay nila para maka-alis na sila para sa lakad nila, hindi nabanggit ni Evah sa akin kagabi ang tungkol dito at hindi ko na rin natanong pa kung anong nangyari kay Ion at Em, kahit naman masyadong magulo ang mga nangyari sa akin ay concern pa rin ako para kay Em.

I didn't know what she would do now that she met had her brother, and with her current condition. And now that I was staring at her, I couldn't stop thinking about the meeting I had with those people.

Jungkook was here, he might know or not about Em's condition, it would still be inevitable for them to meet. Kahit na galit ako sa kanila, hindi ko rin naman gugustuhing lumaki ang baby ni Em na walang Daddy at sana maisip iyon ni Em.

What I had with Jimin before was different compared to what she had now with Jungkook. Kung willing si Jungkook na panagutan ang responsibilidad niya kay Em, then good for my friend, dahil iyon iyong pinaglaban ko noon na hindi kailanman ibinigay ni Jimin sa akin.

Wala akong matandaang dapat naming pag-usapan pero hindi na ako nag-usisa pa dahil pag-uusapan din namin iyon mamaya. I gently nodded at her so that they could go, tig-isang halik sa psingi ang ibinigay nila kay Eve bago sila magpaalam sa mga magulang ko.

"Your friends are very nice." Si Papang ang pumutol ng katahimikang namuo matapos kaming maiwan sa living room.

I smiled gently at their direction, not even attempting to cut the distance between us as I stood meters away from them. "They are…" sabi ko, hindi na dinugtungan ng kung anumang nasa isipan ko.

They're my companion while I was hiding my daughter from you.

"I'll just check the kitchen, ipapatawag ko kayo kapag handa na ang lunch." Mamang stood up, her eyes on her feet as she quickly strode towards the direction of the kitchen and refusing to meet my eyes.

It was fine, it would be fine. For as long as she gave my daughter more of her, I would be fine, because this wasn't just about me anymore. Nasaktan ko sila, nasaktan ako oo, pero kasalanan ko kaya magtitiis ako. I could settle for my mother's cold treatment for me and would let her have her way towards my daughter if it was the only way to pay off my mistakes.

They could have my daughter for all they wanted, because it was only right.