Chapter Fifteen

Having my daughter here with me, having to see her whenever I wanted and having to hold her without her squirming or flinching away from my touch had always been a dream for me. I had long longed for times like this to happen, time when I could finally hold her and be a mother to her freely.

Iyong walang guilt, iyong walang fears and second thoughts sa puso ko.

I had thought it would only be in my dreams, I had thought I would have to forever suffer being so far away from her both physically and emotionally and I had thought I could never afford to be brave for her and stand by her. I thought…

It was so refreshing to have those thoughts proven wrong. It felt so amazing to overcome fears all for the love of my life.

She… she was the love of my life.

Watching Eve giggle while playing with the white foam that formed on top of the water where our bare bodies both sank, my lips gently stretched even more for a wide carefree smile, my heart lamely doing summersault and my stomach fluttering, butterflies so busy with their own feast.

Sinong mag-aakalang mapapapayag ko siyang maligo kasabay ko?

I could still remember how she would casually wrinkle her nose and vigorously shake her small head over me asking if I could bath her before, how she would stubbornly cry seeing me instead of her nanny inside the bathroom and how she would painfully run away from me after taking a bath.

Hindi niya gustong inaasikaso ko siya. Para bang nilalayuan niya ako dahil hindi siya pamilyar sa akin, hindi talaga naging malapit ang loob niya sa akin dahil sa distansiya namin sa isa't isa. Naintindihan ko siya sa bagay na iyon dahil ganoon naman talaga ang mga bata.

Kids tend to stray from strangers, they don't want some unfamiliar presence beside them. She was like that, she was no different from other kids. Oh, maybe she was, she was different from other kids… because she was unfamiliar with me, with her own mother. I was a stranger for her, and that made her different with other kids.

I softly brought the white soft and damp cloth over the smooth and delicate skin of her shoulder blades just under the water, gently caressing her back while she happily played, putting the foam in between her palms. Nasa harap ko siya, naka-upo sa ibabaw ng mga hita kong magkadikit sa ilalim ng tubig at kahit na ganoon ay hanggang balikat pa rin niya ang tubig na hanggang ibabaw lang ng dibdib ko dahil napakaliit niya. Ang namumuong foam sa ibabaw ng tubig ang nagsisilbing harang sa mga hubad naming katawan sa ilalim ng mabangong tubig.

I was white, but she was whiter so her skin glowed from under the water.

"Mahal ko," tawag ko sa kaniya sa mahinang tinig, ang kamay kong hawak ang malambot na pangkuskos ay marahan pa ring naglalandas sa likod niya. Maingat ang bawat galaw ko dahil sa lambot ng balat niya ay natatakot akong baka masaktan ko siya.

I had to gently flip some of her lightly damp short hair to the right angle of her shoulder so that l could softly scrub her nape, once again, the beautiful mole on the center part of her nape taking my sight. Noong baby pa siya at wala pa siyang kakayahang ipagtabuyan ako ay madalas kong halikan ang nunal niyang ito, it looked so beautiful for me. Hinahaplos ko rin ito madalas habang nakadapa siya sa ibabaw ko noon at mahimbing na natutulog.

She liked it, her baby self would always gap her small lips because of my soft caresses before.

"Ne?" Came her innocent soft voice, followed with little giggles again.

Napansin kong parang pinagpapatong niya ang foams na nasa harap niya at ginagawang tower, hindi iyon natutumba pero unti-unting nag-di-dissolve ang mga small bubbles.

"How do you find your new grandparents?" tanong ko sa kaniya, muling bumalik sa isipan ko kung paanong hindi niya masyadong pinagtutuunan ng pansin ang panglalambing sa kaniya ng mga magulang ko.

She would cry every time my mother would get her ambushed in a moment at the living room, she would call for me or whoever she knew every time my father would try to sweet talk to her. Kahit si Holly ay nagsusumbong sa akin na hindi raw siya pinapansin ni Eve.

One time, my mother had personally gone to talk to me after giving me cold treatment for the past days only to ask me to get my daughter to bond with them. Hindi iyon utos. She was almost begging me and it hurt me how I had put them to be in this kind of situation.

"She's very aloof, that's something she obviously takes after you. Could you please make her bond with us?"

My heart had sunk with how my mother's voice was so soft and her eyes quivered for desperation. Pakiramdam ko, hindi lang ang karapatan ni Eve ang ipinagkait ko, ipinagkait ko rin sa mga magulang ko ang karapatan nilang makilala at makasama ang anak ko.

"I'm sorry, Mang… I'll try to talk to her…" I apologetically told her.

I would try, kasi kahit nga ako mismo ay nahihirapan din. Hindi talaga madaling kuhanin ang loob ni Eve, at kasalanan ko kung bakit nahihirapan ang mga magulang ko ngayon dahil sa pakikitungo sa kanila ng anak ko. Had I just told them before about Eve, hindi sana magiging ganito ang lahat.

"I have halmoeni and haraboeji, I no need new grandparents…" She casually told me while slowly shaking her head as if just telling me how she didn't need new toys because she could still use her old ones.

That was a very bad metaphor, pero ganoon talaga ang tingin ko.

"Eve, they're Mommy's parents. They're your grandparents too." Bahagya akong yumuko para marahang patakan ng halik ang batok niya. Her skin felt cold yet so soft because of its dampness, I wished she would stay like this forever.

Hindi ko yata kakayanin kung babalik siya sa dati, iyong walang paki-alam sa akin, iyong tila ba hindi ako malaking kawalan sa kaniya at hindi ako mahalagang tao sa buhay niya. I would understand if she still couldn't fully give her heart to me, because I could settle for the little attention she could give me.

Moments like this, for example. Moments like this were so special for me, I could settle.

"I miss Jigs samcheon too," she answered, not really giving a damn about what I was trying to imply.

Bumuntong-hininga ako. Inasahan ko namang hindi magiging madali kaya hindi ko na ipinilit pa. Hindi madadaan si Eve sa mga usapang ganito, she was still too young to even comprehend everything, tulad nang may sarili siyang paniniwala na ang grandparents niya sa side ni Jimin lang ang grandparents niya.

Eve was just four years old, she should be just playing around and being carefree, no responsibility and no pressure. I couldn't really just inject her such heavy knowledge and try to get her understand everything.

Kasalanan ko, oo, pero siguro naman ay maiintindihan ni Mamang kung hihingin ko sa kanilang bigyan na lang si Eve ng oras na kusang mag-adopt at mag-adjust sa mga pangyayari. They were still very free to bond with her like how they all tried to do and I was sure, in time, Eve would adopt or better yet, willingly respond.

"I'm sure he misses you too, mahal ko."

Pag-ahon naming dalawa ni Eve ay agad kong inabot ang puting towel niya na nakahanda na sa gilid ng tub at ipinulupot sa maliit niyang katawan, ang puting robe ko naman na nakasabit sa dingding ang isinuot ko.

The little girl excitedly skipped at her feet as she ran towards the door, into the bedroom where Jessie patiently waited for us to finish so she could dress the kid.

"Eve, careful!" sigaw ko sa kaniya pero hagikgik na lang niya ang narinig ko na nakapagpangiti sa akin.

Sure, my baby was still a baby. I didn't want any pressure come her way, she was still too young to give a damn anyway.

Sa hindi ko na mabilang na pagkakataon ay hinayaan kong muli si Eve na sumama kay Evah, mamamasyal na naman daw sila, si Aly ay nasa kuwarto nina Chelsea at Kuya Haynes, binabantayan ang kambal kasama iyong dalawang baby sitter ng mga ito samantalang si Em ay nasa clinic para pa rin sa checkup niya.

My father considerately got one of his men escort Em. Sinabi ni Papang na puwede namang papuntahin na lang si Doctor Sanday rito sa bahay para hindi na lumabas pa si Em pero naghihintay raw sa kaniya ang OB na ni-refer ni Doctora Sahara at nakakahiyang magkansela ng appointment.

Medyo napapansin na ang baby bump ni Em kahit na magtatatlong buwan pa lang siyang buntis, hindi katulad ko noon na anim na buwan na pero napakaliit pa rin ng baby bump.

Eve was a small baby so that was why… I could only imagine Em's baby taking in Jungkook's huge and bulky form. Kung magmamana man kay Jungkook ang baby ni Em ay panigurado akong mabigat-bigat din ang dadalhin niya sa mga susunod pang buwan.

Wow, we all got here idols' babies. Those irresponsible guys! After planting us their possible babies, look where they were?

Kung alam ko lang talaga noon na isang Eve ang magagawang ibigay sa akin ni Jimin, sana nagpagawa pa ako ng sandamakmak saka puwede na niya akong iwan, he could go and screw up, and I wouldn't care.

On the second thought, siya ang may gusto ng ganito noon. It was him who had wanted me pregnant, it was him who had wanted us to have a baby and up until now, I was still too confused over why would he want this if he was planning to leave me? That made no sense at all!

"Ate Hanselle!"

Mula sa paglalapag ng food bowl ni Esen na puno ng pagkain sa ibabaw ng pabilog na mat kung nasaan siya nakadapa ay napalingon ako sa pinagmumulan ng boses na iyon. Seeing Holly's approaching form, I slowly stepped back a bit, sightly taken a back by her not so pleased face. Kumunot ang noo ko dahil sa pagmamadali niya, galing pa siya sa nakabukas na main door kung saan bahagyang kita ang nagdidilim nang kapaligiran sa labas.

"What's with the rush—"

"Where's Ate Em?!" Now she was raising her voice. Inilibot niya ang paningin sa kabuuan ng living room na tila hinahanap si Em saka ko pa lang napansin ang pagpasok ng panibagong postura mula sa pinto.

A smile instantly found my lips upon recognizing the handsome guy, looking so dashing as always in his usual white shirt and black jeans with a pair of sneakers. Maayos at malinis ang ayos ng itim na itim niyang buhok, sa ibabaw ng ulo niya ay isang itim na rayban at mas lalo siyang tumingkad sa paningin ko nang tamaan siya ng ilaw ng kabahayan. May itim na relo sa kanang pulupulsuhan niya at talaga namang nakatingala ako sa kaniya dahil sa tangkad niya. He looked so cool, like a laid-back and carefree guy that he was.

He casually strode inside the house, too oblivious of the maids who stopped on their tracks just to gawk at his goodness, oh include me. Palapit siya sa kapatid ko at eksasperadong nagpakawala ng buntong-hininga, ni hindi niya ako nagawang balingan dahil abala ang mga mata niya kay Holly.

Holly was still looking around the house.

"Horisse, you can't be serious. I said she's just my crush—"

"I'd better shut my mouth, if I were you, Zircon!" Marahas na nilingon ni Holly ang lalaking napahinto na sa paglalakad, hindi man lang nakalapit sa kinaroroonan namin.

The guy pouted a bit at that but when his pair of big brown eyes took a sight of me, his face immediately gleamed as he clapped a bit, quickly regretting it after seeing Holly's unpleased face.

Under ba ni Holly itong si Ion?

"Hi Ate Hanselle," bati sa akin ni Ion, mahina ang boses at medyo may pag-aalinlangan habang nagpapalipat-lipat ang tingin niya sa akin at sa girlfriend niyang mukhang kakain na ng tao.

I just smiled at him, suppressing myself from laughing. Hindi naman na bago sa akin ang mga ganitong engkwentro sa kanilang dalawa. I had actually seen them fight, with my sister's personality, I was surprised Ion was still keeping up with her.

Muling humarap sa akin si Holly, lukot ang mukha at mabibilis ang paghinga. "Where's Ate Em?" ulit niya sa tanong niya kanina.

I didn't know why she was suddenly asking me about Em, si Ion ay kunot na ang noo na mukhang hindi na rin naiintindihan ang mga nangyayari. "She has an appointment with her OB. Why ask about her?" sagot ko.

Saglit kong nilingon si Esen na ngayon ay abala na sa pagkaing hinanda ko sa kaniya at nang balingan kong muli si Holly ay masama na naman ang tingin niya sa boyfriend niyang mukhang defensive pero naguguluhan din.

"Are you two fighting?" tanong ko agad, halata naman kasi sa kanilang dalawa.

Ion quickly shook his head, his black hair going to different places and his brown eyes widening more than ever. They looked familiar, his eyes had always been so familiar for me but then, he often appeared on magazines and online articles so I assumed, I had already seen him before.

He had big round brown eyes with long black eye lashes, thick eyebrows and slightly tan skin.

Humalukipkip naman si Holly, lumikha pa ng kaunting ingay sa pagsinghap niya. "He's cheating on me, Ate!" she frustratedly screamed as her finger instantly went pointing to the tall form of her boyfriend who still stood frozen and defensive behind her.

"I said she's just my crush, Horisse! There's no malice about—"

"Kaya nga dapat mo siyang makita! See her in person so you can enlighten yourself! She's very beautiful! Hotter than me! Nicer than me! And probably, more successful than me!"

Napangiwi ako nang marinig ko ang mga posibleng kinikimkim na inferiority ni Holly sa kung sinumang babaeng tinutukoy niya, ni hindi ko lubos-maisip na magloloko si Ion at ano namang kinalaman ng buntis kong kaibigan sa kanilang dalawa? And I couldn't believe that here I stood, witnessing their trivial banter about my sister's jealousy and Ion's imaginary cheating.

"What are you saying? I know that she's beautiful, I don't need to see her in person and as if that's just possible—"

"See?! See! You're willing to meet her?! I can't believe this!"

I remembered before being afraid of Holly coming to the ordeal of being in love, I was afraid not because men could hurt her but because of how naive she was about love… and she was proving me every bit of her naiveness.

Hindi ko sila pareho maintindihan sa totoo lang. Hindi ko makita ang puno't dulo ng away nilang ito o kung dapat ba talaga nilang pinag-uusapan ang kung anumang isyu nila ngayon. They were two mature adults, they sure knew how to handle theirselves and their relationship.

"Who wouldn't want to meet Emi? Horisse, I admired Emi just like how your admired that Jungkook Korean dude you always squeal and scream about."

"Liar! You told me you've been dying to see her, and then what? You might like her for real!"

"Saan ba nanggagaling iyang mga pinagsasabi mo? You've been dying to see that Korean dude too, oh wait, ever again I might add. You don't get me—"

At napa-facepalm na talaga ako nang putulin na naman ng kapatid ko si Ion na nasa hitsura na ang pagkayamot sa mga nangyayari. I would side with him, kahit ako ay naiinis na rin sa tinatakbo ng isipan ni Holly.

"I get you! I'm not dumb!"

Napa-iling na lang ako at ibinalik na ang atensyon kay Esen, hindi ko pa nai-pe-prepare ang water niya kaya kahit na nagsasagutan pa ang dalawa ay tumalikod na ako para magtungo sa kusina kung nasaan ko naiwan ang water bowl ni Esen.

Si Em ang pinag-aawayan nila. Ang babaw pala talaga ng kapatid ko. Paniguradong pagtatawanan lang sila pareho ni Em oras na malaman nito ang tungkol dito.

And well, I was wrong about that.

With my heart whelming in both pain and awe, I smiled weakly when I saw Em chuckle gracefully while gently wiping the fresh tears from Ion's face. They were both crying so silently, as if hearts were syncing together and doing the conversation. Si Holly na nasa tabi ko ay halos hindi makatingin, nakayuko lang siya at ramdam na ramdam ko ang tensiyon mula sa kaniya. Si Aly naman ay nakangiti rin katulad ko, masaya rin para kay Em.

"Hey big man, you shouldn't hurt your gi-girlfriend in any means, lalo na k-kapag si Holly!" natatawang sabi ni Em, bahagyang nababasag ang boses dahil sa mga hikbing kumakawala sa lalamunan niya.

From beside me, I heard Holly silently scoff, I could feel her wanting to say something but chose not to.

"I wasn't meaning to hurt h-her, she just couldn't understand why I was dying to see you, Ate Emerald!" Ion lightly tilted his head to look back at us, his watering eyes instantly found his tensed girlfriend. Inilahad niya ang kamay niya saka ngumiti. "C'mon, Horisse, don't be mad anymore."

Hindi ko na kailangan pang itulak si Holly dahil kusa na siyang lumapit kay Ion, inokupa niya ang espasyo sa tabi ni Ion at agad naman pumalibot sa baywang niya ang braso ng boyfriend niya.

"Ate Em, I'm sorry, I didn't know you're his Ate Emerald. Hindi naman kasi niya nilinaw sa akin na ikaw iyon!" Itinago ni Holly ang mukha niya sa leeg ni Ion kaya pare-pareho kaming natawa nina Aly at Em.

"'Cause it's confidential, Horisse, plus who'd believe me?"

"I'll believe you, moron!"

It made me want to cringe seeing the sweetness between Ion and Holly though I also couldn't help but smile so ever widely over how my sister seemed to have found the man she would treasure for the rest of her life. Siguro masyado pang maaga para masabing si Ion na iyong para sa kaniya pero iyon ang gusto kong isipin, sana si Ion na.

"Well, should I say, nice meeting you, Holly? As my little brother's girlfriend?" Naglahad si Em ng kamay, ang ngiting nakapaskil sa mga labi ay mapang-asar.

The sudden meetup of Em and Ion earlier brought us all to this very moment, halos mataranta pa ako kanina nang bigla na lang bumagsak si Em sa sahig at mag-iiyak nang makita niya si Ion.

I got worried, the woman was pregnant! Napaka-careless talaga niya!

Ion was, well, he was stunned upon seeing Em.

Ang buong akala ko ay gulat lang siya at mesmerized dahil nag-material na sa wakas sa harap niya ang celebrity crush niyang pinag-aawayan nila ni Holly kanina, umiiyak pa si Em pero halos mabitawan ko iyong hawak kong water bowl ni Esen nang tawagin ni Ion si Em na 'Ate Emerald', that just spoke numbers.

Hindi na nila kailangan pang i-elaborate sa akin, o sa aming lahat ang ibig sabihin noon dahil ang mga kilos at reaksiyon nila ay sapat na para maintindihan namin. Si Aly na nasa kuwarto nina Kuya Haynes at Chelsea ay napatakbo pababa dahil sa lakas ng iyak ni Em, hindi naman siya iyakin talaga pero dala siguro ng pagbubuntis niya.

"Big… I'm a big guy now, Ate Emerald." Ion managed to say, scooting Holly even closer to his body and hugging her small frame.

Holly's head bucked up from leaning on Ion's neck before she slowly accepted Em's hand and shook it. "And I've looked up for this day to finally meet you… only to know that you're his sister. How eventful." At bumalik na naman ang bratty side ni Holly nang mahimigan ko ng sarcasm ang dulo ng boses niya bago niya inalis ang kamay ni Ion sa baywang niya.

Surely, it still shocked me knowing Ion and Em's sibling relationship. It shocked my whole system and ridiculously blew my mind over the fact that all this time, we had Ion here but I was stupidly unaware that he was Em's younger brother but wait!

Wait!

I stood frozen on my spot, epiphany striking my mind real fast but shutting it all at the same time, making me just gawk at the two siblings who didn't see each other for years. They were still shedding tears, happy tears at that.

"You're an heiress of Monstercat." Well, that fact just casually slipped out my mouth, my mind still in dazed and my form still frozen.

"She's actually the runaway successor." Ion corrected me.

"Technically, big guy," ani Em saka makahulugang tinitigan si Ion pero mukhang hindi iyon nakuha ng kapatid niya.

Hindi ko rin nakuha.

Kung hindi lang kami pare-parehong napalingon sa isang kasambahay na lumitaw sa living room dala ang isang wireless telephone ay baka nakapagbato pa ako ng isang tanong para sa ikaliliwanag ng lito sa utak ko.

Knowing Em and Ion's relationship so sudden was one thing, but knowing that Em was an heiress or the successor of the most successful fashion company in the country was another thing, the biggest thing at that. Hindi nakakagulat iyon, I knew she came from a rich family but Monstercat was a stable corporation… why did she run away then?

Sa akin lumapit ang kasambahay saka nakayukong inabot sa akin ang telepono na naging dahilan para mawala sa isipan ko ang mga pinag-iisip ko.

"Kayo po ang hinahanap." The shy maid told me.

Hindi ko na pinatagal pa ang halatang paghihirap niya kaharap ako dahil matapos kong kunin ang telepono ay nagpasalamat ako sa kaniya sa malambot at mahinang boses. It was not new to me when a maid was acting the way she had acted, I was scary, I got it but I didn't get why.

Nag-excuse ako sa mga taong nasa living room, si Aly ang tumango sa akin para i-acknowledge ang pag-alis ko kaya tinahak ko na ang direksyon patungo sa pool area. Shivering at the sudden ambush of cold to my body clad only with a pair of black tank-top and squarepants, I put the telephone by my ear while hugging myself with my other arm.

"Hello, Hanselle Ursula speaking," I politely said to the other line.

["Miss Hanselle, this is Bret. I called to inform you that there's a certain Celine Eun here at the restaurant, I know it's already too late for this but she said she needs to immediately speak with you."]

Bret's low yet passive tone from the other side of the phone just busted me even more. What Tita Celine probably went here for was my daughter.