IM DAMN FREAKING FLUSHED WHILE WRITING THE FIRST HALF! CANT DENY THAT I ALSO MISSED THEM HAVING SWEET MOMENTS! I CRIEEE! I MISSED MY JM AND HANSELLE AND I’LL SURELY MISS THEM 😭😭

Next: Finale

- Hannan ♥

-

Love

You told me that
what you felt before was love.
I believed you because back then
I knew, what I felt was also love.

♠♠♠

Chapter Forty

Who would have thought that after everything, with the pain, miseries and struggles I had gone through because of him, who would have thought that I would still see myself with him again?

Humugot ako ng malalim na buntong-hininga nang makalabas ako ng kuwarto ko dala ang maalikabok na kahon. Kung alam ko lang na babalik ako rito, na babalik kami rito sana ay kumuha ako ng maglilinis ng bahay. The whole house was so stuffy and dusty all over, though the couch that was covered with the white dusty cloth was already bare, and that was where he chose to sit.

Hammering, my heart couldn’t help but also leap out when my eyes met again his small tender ones, as if he had been waiting for it since time immemorial. Maayos siyang naka-upo sa gitna ng mahabang couch at hinihintay ako. Ayaw ko na rin munang isipan pa kung paanong nakarating kami rito sa bahay ko sa Taguig gayong dapat ay nasa Ursula Mansion na kami dahil baka nag-iiyak na si Eve.

Evah wasn’t there to pamper her, even Kuya Haynes who was probably still in Manila at his office. It was just Jessie and Chelsea, hindi nila magagawang pakalmahin si Eve kung umiyak man ito.

Kasabay ng malakas na tibok ng puso ko ay ang bawat hakbang ko palapit sa kinaroroonan ni Jimin. His handsome form that sat properly on the couch looked surreal and ethereal at the same time, I could have sworn that I thought it was impossible to see him again this near even in my dreams. I thought it was impossible for us to have this internal and deep agreement with each other, that we didn’t really have to say what we felt because we knew.

Nang maupo ako sa tabi niya ay mabilis siyang umusog palapit sa akin, ang isang braso niya ay agad na pumalibot sa baywang ko saka niya marahang inilapit sa mukha ko ang mukha niya. Breathing calmly, he let his lips softly brush the side of my face as I gasped upon smelling again his sweet scent.

It overpowered and made up for the stuffy smell that had been torturing my nose.

“You still smell so good…” he softly whispered me.

Wala sa sariling na-ilapag ko ang maalikabok na kahon sa kandungan ko, hindi alintanang madudumihan ang suot kong jeans pero ramdam ko ang mahigpit na paghawak ng kamay ko rito. My heart once again hammered, feeling him so close to me. My shoulder sensitively grazing his chest, it was almost breathtaking. My skin felt sensitive being fanned by his hot breath.

Alam kong may nangyari na ulit sa amin pero iba na kasi ngayon, tinanggap ko na ulit sa sarili kong mahal ko siya at isinusuko ko nang muli sa kaniya ang puso ko. I might get hurt again, but then, if it was him, maybe it was worth it to try again.

I could let him hurt me again, he just had to promise me to never hurt our daughter.

Yumuko ako saka sinubukang ilayo sa kaniya ang sarili ko pero hinapit niya ako palapit, ang mga labi niya ay sa mismong pisngi ko na dumadampi. He was pecking my cheek repeatedly yet lightly as if he just couldn’t get enough. He might have always known how my heart was always a softie and weak for him, he might have always known that I couldn’t really push him off me when he was this near to me.

Nagpipigil lang akong lingunin siya at tuluyan nang halikan siya kaya kung magpapatuloy siya, baka humantong na naman kasi sa mas malalim na kaganapan.

We didn’t need that for now. We seriously needed to talk about us.

“Misseu…”

Closing my eyes firmly, something tugging at my heart when I again heard from him that endearment, I let him when his fingers gently held my chin to lightly turn my face to him. Kusang bumuka ang mga labi ko nang maramdaman ko ang mainit niyang hininga na dumadampi sa mga labi ko. He was suddenly taking long to finally have his lips on my awaiting ones so I slowly opened my eyes.

Just as our eyes met, he quickly yet so softly crashed his lips on mine, letting me have a taste of his lips again, this time without the salty tears in our faces and the bitterness of the past lingering in our heart.

This time, it was again full of love and acceptance, with genuine and sincere love. It was sweet, so sweet as ever.

Nanghina ang mga kamay kong nakahawak sa kahon pero nagawa kong pang i-angat ang mga ito para hawakan ang mga braso niya, marahan kong tinagilid ang ulo ko nang mas palalimin pa niya ang halik saka muling ipinikit ang mga mata ko.

Maybe fate had reasons why Jimin was back into my life again, because it knew that my heart wouldn’t want any other man than Jimin. Fate knew that it would only be Jimin for another millennium, or even for eternity.

“I missed you, I missed you so much.” He managed to mumble in between our lips, his fingers on my chin moving to gently cup my cheek. Bilang tugon ay marahan akong tumango, pinutol ko ang halik saka isinandal ang noo ko sa noo niya.

I stared at his eyes. “Let’s t-talk first, Jimin. Let’s talk about us.” It was so hard to say that when my lips kept on softy brushing against his for every word being uttered, and his eyes holding dearly my genuine ones.

“We’ll talk about us, Misseu.” Tumango siya pero bago tuluyang lumayo ay siniil niya muna ako ng mariin at matagal na halik. When finally pulled back from me, he fixed himself beside me, his ears turning red that made me smile.

He was still the shy man I had loved before, some things might have changed about him, he might have turned a little aggressive than he was before, still, the shyness I had loved about him before still remained in him.

Inayos ko na rin ang sarili ko saka muling binalingan ang kahon na nasa kandungan ko. Napangiwi pa ako nang makitang namuti na ang itim kong jeans dahil sa mga alikabok na dulot ng kahon. I lamely wiped on my jeans but gave up when more dust from the box just dropped again. Binuksan ko na lang ang box saka ko inilapag sa sahig ang takip.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw him tilt his head down to gawk at what the box held inside. Bahagya kong inurong ang mga hita ko palapit sa kaniya para makita niya. Whining internally at the contact of my thighs with his, I hardly pursed my lips to hide any sound from coming out of my mouth.

Kailangan talaga naming mag-usap, wala rin akong balak na mag-stay rito sa Taguig dahil kailangan naming bumalik sa Valenzuela para kay Eve.

Hindi ko napigilan ang pamamasa ng mga mata ko nang makita ko ang mga laman ng box. At one space, our old phones that lay with each other looked so nostalgic as I remembered all the happy memories it held inside. My Polaroid camera that played so much role in our relationship before, beside it were the developed photos of us. That black velvety small box where I hid our couple rings that held both of our fates back when we were still too immature to handle our issues.

Masyado na pala talagang malayo ang narating namin pareho. Marami kaming nasayang na panahon at pagkakataon. It was because of our wrong decisions and so much love for one another.

Sinabi ko noon na kung ma-ibabalik ko lang lahat, handa akong baguhin ang mga desisyon ko noon. Siguro oo, pero hindi lahat ng iyon. I was guilty for hurting Bien so I considered trying with him, that was so immature and wrong, it was so unfair to him. Kasalanan kong hinawakan ko siya noon at ikinulong sa pagmamahal niya sa akin pero hindi ako kailanman nagsisising pinapasok ko siya sa buhay ko.

Siguro kung may babaguhin man ako, iyon ay ang lagay ni Bien sa buhay ko.

No one of us knew what would happen later on, so maybe I was just rambling again because I was filled with so much emotions, but if given a chance to right my mistakes, I would firstly right Bien’s stand in my life so it wouldn’t be so painful for him anymore.

I wouldn’t hold him and have him devote his whole life to us, I would let him—push him rather to meet someone who was capable of loving him more than I did so he also wouldn’t have to hold onto me.

Bien was my most painful mistake and I was hoping, I was hoping only the best for him since he brought me to the best for me. It was Jimin.

Bien brought me back to the best for me. Jimin got me the best of me.

“These…” Lumunok ako nang maramdaman ko ang pagbabara ng mga lalamunan ko saka ko siya bahagyang nilingon. Ibinalik ko rin naman ang tingin ko sa loob ng box nang mahuli ko siyang mariing nakatitig sa gilid ng mukha ko. He didn’t even look away when he saw me catch him staring. “These are all the stuff that h-hold memories of us.”

Kinuha ko sa loob ang Polaroid ko at ipinakita sa kaniya. Hindi ko alam kung gagana pa ito pero sa tagal na ng panahong hindi ito nagamit, tingin ko ay kinalawang na ang mga loob na parte nito, wala rin kaming films kaya hindi rin namin masusubukan. Maingat ko iyong nilapag sa gilid ko saka sunod na kinuha sa loob ang mga developed photos namin.

They were all old looking already. Halatang ilang taon na ang nakalipas noong kinunan ang mga pictures. Iba na rin ang kulay nila at hindi na maganda ang resolution pero para sa mga mata ko, dahil sa mga ngiting nakapaskil sa mga labi namin sa larawan, para sa akin ay napakaganda pa rin ng mga iyon.

They looked vintage but lovely.

Mula sa mga kamay ko, maingat na pumalit ang malambot niyang kamay nang kinuha niya ang mga pictures. Turning to look at him, I smiled warmly when I saw how his lips stretched up while looking at those pictures.

“I missed Esen,” he uttered, staring intently at that pair of pictures. Ako iyong nasa isang picture habang kandong-kandong ko si Esen, at siya naman iyong sa isang picture.

“She’s grown. You won’t be able to recognize her anymore,” sagot ko sa kaniya habang nakikita ko ang mga pagbabago ni Esen mula sa larawan. Napakaliit pa niya sa mga iyon, hindi pa gaanong pansin ang bawat black parts niya pero ngayon ay mahaba na siya at itim na itim na ang mga paws niya, ang mga tainga niya, ang nguso niya maging ang dulo ng buntot niya.

Esen was seriously the age of our parting. Limang taon na ang pusang iyon, limang taon na rin simula noong maghiwalay kami.

“I guess, she won’t also remember me.” Ngumuso siya. I slowly nodded my head, bringing my eyes back to the box. Hinayaan ko siyang titigan ang pictures saka ko naman inilabas ang mga phone namin na hindi ko rin alam kung gagana pa.

They were outdated already anyway. Panigurado ring low battery na rin sila at wala kaming charger dito.

“You left your phone before… I h-had it kept with my phone,” sabi ko sa kaniya bago ko binigay sa kaniya ang phone niya na inabot naman niya. He tried opening it but it didn’t open, lowbat nga malamang. Itinabi na lang niya iyon saka tinitigan ako.

“You didn’t try opening my phone?” he asked, blinking at me just like how Eve blinked at me when she was asking me in curiosity.

Umiling ako. “I was so hurt that it had never crossed my mind at all…”

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I had to leave like that.” He apologized, not for leaving me but for how the way he had done. “I… I a-actually had written things here. Back then, I was half-wishing you would read it and half-wishing you wouldn’t. I didn’t really know if I would ever want you to know why I had to leave but part of me also wishing you knew so you wouldn’t be so hurt.”

Suminghap ako dahil kahit kailan ay hindi pumasok sa isip ko noon na paki-alaman ang phone niya. Sobra akong nasasaktan noon na kahit na makakita lang ako ng kahit na anong bagay na konektado sa kaniya ay para na akong pinapatay sa sakit.

I had to keep those stuff hidden, away from my sight so they wouldn’t hurt me anymore.

“I want to read them…” I softly told him.

“I have already told you what were those written in here,” he softly answered.

“Still…”

“Okay, okay. But not now.”

Tumango ako bilang pagsang-ayon saka hinayaan siyang itabi na muna ang mga phone namin bago kami sabay na sumilip ulit sa loob ng box. Iisang bagay na lang ang naroon. Nang maramdaman ko ang banayad na paghaplos ng kamay niya sa gilid ng baywang ko dahil nakapalibot pa rin sa akin ang isang braso niya ay hinayaan ko siyang kunin ang maliit na box sa loob.

Twitching in both pain and any other overwhelming emotions, my heart couldn’t contain it anymore. It was a luck I managed to keep calm and stable while watching him slowly open the box, before two beautiful rings showed, showering us surge of nostalgic memories. Kasabay nang pagkinang ng mga singsing ay ang panunubig na naman ng mga mata ko pero sa puntong ito, malaya nang nagbagsakan ang mga luha ko.

It was still so painful, but the feeling was so good it was overpowering the pain.

“I love y-you…” I uttered in a broken voice, finally breaking down in his arms. “I must have loved you so much that e-even after you left me, I still managed to keep every bit of our memories in my mind because maybe… maybe I was hoping for something like this. I was hoping for our second time a-around.” Mas napahagulgol ako nang maramdaman kong isiniksik niya ako sa dibdib niya, ang mga braso niya ay yumakap na sa akin habang paulit-ulit na dinadampihan ng halik ang tuktok ng ulo ko.

“You just don’t know how I endured everything because I was also hoping and waiting for something like this…” he answered me, his voice also breaking. “I love you so much too, I still love you so much. It never really changed.”

“You dated someone so beautiful, h-how’s that possible?” It was really hard to kick the immature side out of me. Kumapit ako sa damit niya saka siya tiningala. Our nose daringly touching each other, our breaths tangled in the air.

“We didn’t date. Sally’s so nice and yes, beautiful but my heart couldn’t see from her what I saw from you. It had always been you, it has always been you.” Bahagya siyang yumuko para banayad na halikan ako. “You’re the only woman my heart have ever longed for.”

Ngumuso ako saka iniwas sa kaniya ang mukha ko nang akmang hahalikan na naman niya ako. I was trying so hard to lock my immature self deep within me but it was really kicking, wanting answers and clarification.

“The day of Sally’s f-flight, you promised your daughter you’d come back b-but you didn’t… where were you?” As long as the question slipped out of my mouth, his lips instantly stretched into a teasing smile. Humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin at nang sinubukan niyang muling halikan ako ay hindi ko na nagawang umilag dahil hawak na niya ang batok ko.

He softly nibbled on my lower lip, the ghost of smile still playing in his lips. “I told you that her flight got delayed but after I had her get inside the gate of the plane, I immediately drove back to your house but I received an important text. I had to meet someone I asked to look after my family.”

Kumunot ang noo. “Why? Someone’s after your family in Busan?” nag-aalang tanong ko pero natatawang umiling siya.

“My family in Busan is safe. I mean you and Chan, I asked someone to look after you because some paparazzi from Korea already found out that I’m here. I just don’t want to drag you into some issue again. I already had this clear so you don’t have to worry.”

Ang buong akala ko magkasama sila ni Sally buong araw noong araw na iyon. It was my immature self thinking but I also couldn’t help it. I didn’t know what were his activities here! Malay ko bang bukod sa imbestigasiyon sa Korea ay may iba pa pala siyang pinagkaka-abalahan na involved din kami ni Eve.

He just had so many surprises.

“What about the investigation in Korea?” tanong ko.

“It’s still on run. We just need the pictures they have. If they refused to give them, we’ll sue them for real.”

“What are those photos anyway?”

Tumitig muna siya sa akin bago siya sumagot. “They were the people behind the first issue about us. It’s fine if they only have the old photos of us but they have the other versions of it, where your beautiful face is revealed. And many more. All about us.”

Bumuntong-hininga ako sa isiping nakakakilabot na noon pa lang na nag-di-date kami ay may mga taong sumusunod na sa amin. It was like we were hidden but not really from the eyes of some people. Kung noon nga malamang na-ilabas iyon, sirang-sira nga ako, hindi pa magiging maganda kasi may Eve na sa buhay namin. People would surely bash me, they would again throw death threats to me and call me names.

“So you left to save me? Why didn’t you just tell me?”

Lumungkot ang mukha niya pero agad niya iyong na-itago sa akin nang saglit niyang pumikit. “I was afraid I couldn’t be able to hold back myself and just ruin you for good. It was so hard to endure not seeing you, not being with you but it would have been harder if I continued seeing you, having your life ruined in the process.”

“At least, we’re together in it, Jimin. I could handle people hating me, for as long you’re with me. Your daughter and I needed you before. I tried so much to get near you again but your staffs always threw me out, not believing me.”

Imagine with my belly bump, going to their broadcasts and fan meetings before and telling their people I needed to talk to Jimin only to be tossed out because they thought I was crazy.

It was pathetic.

Hiding my pained face from him, I slowly dipped my face on his neck as I felt him hug me tighter.

“And I’m so sorry for that. I… I actually heard a lot from our staffs that someone had been telling them I got her pregnant, crazy fans can seriously reach such lengths so getting pranks like that aren't new for us. And trust me, it never crossed my mind that it was you because all I thought was we didn’t make it.”

“You got me p-pregnant!” I screamed against his chest.

“Yes, of course, I got you pregnant. Only you.”

Hinayaan niya akong umiyak sa dibdib niya habang banayad na hinahaplos niya ang likod ko. Nang kumalma ako ay inayos niya ang mukha ko, hinahawi ang ilang mga basang hibla paalis sa pisngi ko habang nakanguso. He looked so cute, as if he was upset for seeing me cry.

"A-About Bien…" Gulping hard, I knew how hard it was for him to open the topic about Bien. Kahit ako ay hindi napigilang mapalunok dahil kailangan din naming linawin sa isa't isa ang tungkol kay Bien.

Slowly backing away from him, my heart ached when I saw him panic but I assured him by lightly squeezing his hands that held my waist in possession. He was clearly afraid about Bien's position in my life. I understood because he saw how I had almost considered Bien, he was a witness how I could set aside my own heart and happiness just for Bien. He knew I was willing to choose Bien over him.

"Bien's such a nice man, Jimin. He's the one who was there for us, he never left us and loved us more than anyone in this world could. It's hard to just easily forget about him. It's even harder for me because I know, I hurt him. I hurt the man who would have never hurt us…"

"I'm so sorry…" His voice was pained but I hinted understanding and acceptance. Hindi ako makapaniwalang nagiging mature kami pareho sa usapang ito.

Squeezing his hands even tighter, I smiled at him. "But you know what I've learned from all this? That I couldn't hold him and make him stay with us because I would only hurt him more. He deserves to be happy, he deserves a love as much as he can give. And that it wouldn't ever be me, it won't ever be me when in this lifetime, my heart will only love one man for the rest of my life." To strengthen that statement and make him feel more assured, I hugged him tight while whispering him how much I loved him.

I loved him so much.

Nang matapos ay humiwalay ako sa kaniyang saka muli niyang inilabas ang itim na box at ibinaba ko naman ang malaking kahon sa sahig saka pinagpag ang pantalon ko. I watched him open the smaller box before taking the smaller ring out. Kumikinang iyon sa gitna ng mga daliri niya at napakaganda.

Softly taking my right hand from my lap, he first softly squeezed it before gently slipping the beautiful ring into my ring finger.

It still fitted me perfectly, it still looked so pretty in my finger.

“I love you so much I promise to marry you when charged out from the military.” Dinala niya ang kamay ko sa mga labi niya at hinalikan. Kumunot ang noo ko kaya nagpatuloy siya. “I’m enlisted.”

Nalaglag ang panga ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Alam ko namang required talaga sa bansa nila ang military service ng mga kalalakihan pero hindi ko naman inaasahang mangyayari iyon sa kaniya gayong kaaayos pa lang ng relasyon namin. Mawawala na naman siya sa tabi namin ni Eve ng ilang taon.

“When are you going in?” malungkot kong tanong.

“A month from now,” sagot niyang tinitimbang ang magiging reaksiyon ko.

I loudly whined at him, hitting his shoulder for telling me this kind of information just now. “You should’ve told me earlier!”

“We just made up, Misseu…” He teasingly grinned at me when I raised my flushed face to him. Alam talaga niya kung paano niya kukunin ang loob ko. “Though I promise to stay with you and Chan until I finally go back to Korea for the first day of my military service.”

Para i-distract ako mula sa hindi magandang balita ay inabot niya sa akin ang mas malaking singsing.

“Slip it into my finger and promise me you’ll marry me after two years,” he ordered while chuckling.

Nanliit ang mga mata ko pero ginawa ko rin naman ang sinabi niya. When I finally slipped the ring into his ring finger, he had our fingers intertwined before pulling me again for a sweet and long kiss.

Yes, I would marry him after two years. Sa kaniya ko lang nakikita ang kinabukasan ko, siya lang ang lalaking nakikita kong makakasama namin ni Eve habang-buhay.

I had been trying to deny it because I was afraid then but deep inside me I knew, reality would only be beautiful with him and our daughter. He and our daughter were my beautiful reality.

They were. And they would always be.

Pulling away, I softly and genuinely said, “I promise I will marry you after your military service.”