Chapter Eleven

Montecarlos Industries and Conglomerates had never encountered problems that dragged it down from its high and rich stand, it always got up from adversity and faced issues and problems with better resolution and resolve. Bukod kasi sa magaling mamahala si Mamang ay may mga tao siyang napagkakatiwalaan sa loob ng kumpanya.

So I knew that a single limping company under Montercarlos wouldn't be the reason of the whole conglomerate's fatal limp and downfall.

Napatitig ako kay Kuya Haynes nang sabihin niya sa akin ang sa tingin niya ay mabuting mangyari ngayon lalo na at may kinakaharap na problema ang Montecarlos Transport Liners na isa sa mga kumpanya under Montecarlos Conglomerate at pinamamahalaan ni Mamang.

Kuya Haynes stared sympathetically at my daughter who was very oblivious about the happenings and was just happily playing with the twin. Nakahanap siya ng panibagong panggigigilan dahil malayo sa kaniya si Jiji, at dalawang baby pa sa lagay na ito.

Noong nakaraang nag-skype sina Bien at Eve ay nag-iiyak si Eve dahil gusto na niyang makita si Bien. Of course, Bien being Bien, he had promised her he would be here soon, but then, Eve being Eve, she had asked Bien to bring Jiji with him as if that was just possible. Kaya ayan, ang kambal nina Kuya ang napagbubuntungan niya ng gigil niya, tuwang-tuwa naman si Kuya Haynes kasi hindi pa niya nakikita kung paano talaga nakikipaglaro si Eve sa baby. Hintayin lang talaga niyang isa-isang magsi-iyakan ang kambal niya at siguradong hindi na niya palalapitin si Eve sa mga ito.

"Let's wait till the Liners went stable. Natatakot si Mamang na baka magsipulasahan ang mga investors natin, well, that's not gonna happen. I heard, she'll call for a board meeting. We need to be there," mahabang litanya ni Kuya, naka-upo siya sa couch na kaharap ko lang. Hindi niya kasama si Chelsea dahil matigas ang ulo noon at pinilit na walang magbabantay sa Eve's kaya siya raw muna ang ta-tao roon.

Kung wala kasi ako roon ay siya naman ang nandoon. Ganoon din kapag wala siya, ako ang nandoon. Ganoon ang naging setup namin since nandito na si Eve at kailangan kong maging hands-on rito at ganoon din naman siya sa mga anak niya. Tatakbo ang Eve's, kikita ang Eve's at dadayuhin pa rin naman ang Eve's kahit na wala kami pareho roon, iyon ang pilit ni ipinasok ni Kuya sa kokote ni Chelsea pero nasunod pa rin ang gusto nito.

So stubborn. Sinabi ko na sa kaniyang nandoon naman si Bret at Stephen pero nagpumilit pa rin.

Both Evah and Em went to the clinic for the latter's daily checkup. Isa pa rin iyong si Em, she was six weeks pregnant, at mag-tu-two months na since I last visited Korea, it must have happened when I was there.

Seriously, kailan pa sila nagkita ni Jungkook? Fine, it was inevitable since they were working in the same industry but since when did they start talking again? That was what she still deprived us to know. And well, it was their story that I didn't want to be involved, not unless she would get hurt.

About the board meeting, ever since my parents had given us the fair share of our inheritance, we always got invited to every board meeting happening at the company. It was a conglomerate actually, kaya natural lang na nandoon kaming mga shareholders. Ang Liners lang ang may problema pero nababahala si Mamang na baka maapektuhan ang buong Montecarlos

"Until then, I think, we can't introduce Eve to the family. I'm sorry, Hanselle, I know my niece deserves to be acknowledged—"

"It's fine, Kuya. Isa pa, I don't think I'm ready. Matagal kong itinago si Eve sa kanila…" I trailed off. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kaniya ngunit kay Eve nalaglag ang tingin ko na mas nakapagpasakit sa dibdib ko. My throat congested and my eyes stung, painfully as I saw her peppering one of the twin with her loud butterfly kisses, she held the baby's each gloved hands while making faces in the middle of her kisses.

Ang sama-sama kong ina kay Eve. I had been depriving her all the people that should be in her life. First, her father, masakit para sa aking wala siyang kinikilalang Daddy, at mas masakit na wala akong balak na pagtagpuin sila. Next, my parents, her grandparents from my side, they could have given her the world for just existing. I knew, dahil ngayon pa nga lang na sanggol pa ang kambal nina Kuya Haynes at Chelsea ay may mga foundations and orphanages nang nakapangalan sa mga ito. It was like an early gratitude for having us the twin. Si Mamang ang may pakana noon.

I could only imagine the luxuries and riches they were willing to give my daughter but above all, the love and attention they could give my daughter were what was picking at my guilt more. Eve deserved all the love in this world, from all the people in my life.

And lastly, I was afraid I would have to keep her away from the Parks too.

"Hanselle…"

Pumikit ako at mariing napalunok para pigilan ang pagluha saka ako yumuko, ang mga kamay sa ibabaw ng mga hita ko ay mariin kong pinagsalikop. I was always being emotional when it came to my daughter, because crap, I wanted to give her the world but what I did was depriving her and I couldn't be less sorry… I was so deeply sorry for my daughter.

She was my most prized possession, she was my precious, my life and my everything, I was just trying protect her from all the possible circumstances that could probably hurt her. I hoped someday, she would understand that.

Someday…

"Nga pala…" Nang bumaling akong muli kay Kuya ay may malapad nang ngiti ang nakapaskil sa mga labi ko. "When is the twins baptismal party? Eve's will be happy to cater the event for free!" I offered him trying to divert our conversation, though the offer wasn't really a need since he was a co-owner of the restaurant.

Pinakatitigan muna niya akong mabuti bago siya bumuntong-hininga. Somehow, with how he stared at me, I was suddenly reminded of how he had pledged not to ever let me get hurt by the same man again. I remembered how he was willing to raise hell just to protect me at all cost…

"Hindi na, Hanselle! Tandaan mo, ibubulok ko sa kulungan iyong koreyanong iyon oras na makita ko siyang lumalapit-lapit sa'yo, sa inyo ng magiging pamangkin ko!" galit na galit si Kuya Haynes nang matapos ko siyang tawagan ilang minuto na ang nakakalipas ay bigla siyang sumugod dito, leaving his important meeting just because he heard me crying on the other line earlier.

"He doesn't even have a single right to hurt you, Hanselle! Bakit nagpakatanga ka ng ganoon sa walang kuwentang lalaking iyon…" He stopped for a while and frustratedly washed his face with his palms while I was again brought back to the time where he warned me about how of a useless man was Jimin.

"I won't let you let him hurt you again! Kung kinakailangang gumawa ako ng batas para lang maipakulong ang lalaking iyon. Mark my words, Hanselle, handa akong mag-submit ng batas sa korte!"

"Kuya… paano na a-ko?" I helplessly asked him, trying not to let my eyes pool again as my lips started quivering.

"Of course, Papang should know this! Uuwi tayo sa Valenzuela ngayon din! I'll pack your clothes for you," medyo kalmado nang sabi niya nang makita niya ang naluluha kong mukha. He could't just stay mad while seeing my helpless face.

"No! No, Kuya! Hindi ko kaya! Please! Just not yet…" Agad akong lumipad sa harap niya at nakaluhod na hinawakan ang mga kamay niya para magmaka-awang huwag niyang gawin iyon.

He stared down at me helplessly, too obvious that he didn't want to see me like this. "Then what do you plan to do?" he asked, softly.

"Let me first try to fix everything… book me a ticket to Seoul." I begged, having little hopes within me for the little angle inside me.

Hindi naging madali para sa aking kumbinsihin si Kuya noon lalo na at alam niyang nasa Seoul si Jimin pero hindi niya ako natiis. Sinunod niya ang gusto ko at sinuportahan ako. He had let me devour again my stupidity until I had finally realized that I no longer had a place in Jimin's life.

We, my daughter and I, didn't have a place in his life. We never had.

"I'll let you plan the event then. Magkakasundo kayo ni Chelsea panigurado," aniyang nagpapakawala ng buntong-hininga, tuluyan nang binitiwan ang usapan tungkol kay Eve.

Iyon nga ang nangyari.

Tuwang-tuwa si Chelsea nang malamang ipinagkatiwala sa amin ni Kuya ang pagpaplano sa binyag ng kambal gayong pu-puwede naman silang magbayad ng isang event organizer para lang sa ikaka-ganda ng lahat.

"Cyan blue at white ang gusto kong motif," ani Chelsea habang nangingiti.

Hindi ko napigilang magpaikot ng mga mata.  Bakit ko pa nga ba tinanong sa kaniya kung anong party motif ang gusto niya gayong halata naman sa mga kulay na pinapasuot niya sa kambal? Cyan blue. Parehong cyan blue ang madalas na nakikita kong kulay na mayroon ang kambal. Sa damit, sa baby gloves, sa sapatos, sa cap, sa bib, sa blankets at maging ang kanilang mga milk bottles.

"Fine. That'll be all?" tanong ko sa kaniya dahil iyon na lang naman ang hindi pa napagde-desisyunan.

Nagkausap na sila ni Kuya Haynes sa ibang bagay at ang reception lang naman ang concern ko dahil kumuha rin sila ng event organizer para sa main event na hindi naman sa mismong Eve's magaganap. I just needed a party motif so that I could organize the Eve's Manila exclusively for that special day.

"Yes. Nasaan nga pala iyong pamangkin ko?" bigla niyang tanong. Inilibot niya ang paningin niya sa kabuuan ng main living room at bumalik sa akin ang kunot-noong mukha niya nang hindi niya makita ang hinahanap niya.

Usually, Eve would only play here at the living room with Esen, would silently sit on the couch while watching movie or while eating chocolates. Dumating na si Esen, Bien had to send her immediately just to pamper my daughter since he couldn't still leave Seoul.

Evah went out to shop and she wanted to tag my daughter along with her so I let her.

"She's with Evah. Mabuti na rin iyon para may ibang pagka-abalahan ang batang iyon. She had been crying 'cause she wants her Tito Bien, kahit ang init ng panahon ay inirereklamo niya," sagot ko kay Chelsea, bumubuntong-hininga dahil naaawa ako kay Eve.

This was the longest and farthest she had been from Bien, she was very attached so I knew how hard was this for her. Bata siya at paniguradong nahihirapan siyang mag-adjust plus sanay na sanay ang batang iyon na palaging nasusunod ang gusto. Nagpapasalamat nga ako na sa tuwing nag-iiyak siya dahil na-mi-miss niya si Bien ay nagagawa naman siyang pakalmahin ni Bien sa kada-video call nila.

Hindi ko alam kung anong mga pinag-uusapan nila pero isang beses ay narinig ko si Bien habang magkausap sila ni Eve.

"Of course, Chan-ah. You're my only baby girl, I'm not cheating on you. I'll be there soon and you'll have to bring me to places so you have to go out to choose places you can bring me to."

Kaya pala tuwang-tuwa ang batang iyon kanina nang sinabi ni Evah na isasama siyang mamasyal, sobrang init sa labas at kung sa normal na pagkakataon ay mas pipiliin niyang manatili na lang sa bahay at magbabad sa tub.

Really, magkasundong-magkasundo talaga sila ni Bien.

"Of course, Bien's like a father to her. Si Bien na ang kinamulatan niya simula pa noong bata siya. I won't even be surprised if she's more attached to Bien than she is to you…" She harshly told me, not really considering what I would feel.

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin ngunit busy lang siya sa phone niya, tumitingin ng kung ano. "Thank you very much, Chelsea." I sarcastically told her as I rolled my eyes. "Kaya nga bumabawi na ako kay Eve e," dagdag ko pa.

Medyo nasaktan ako sa sinabi ni Chelsea pero sino pa ba naman ang magpapamukha sa akin ng katotohanang iyon kung hindi siya? She had the guts. Madalas talaga niyang ipamukha sa akin ang bawat mga tangang desisyon ko pagdating kay Eve. And yes, she always hit me hard. Always.

Nang matapos ang usapan namin tungkol sa preparation ng baptismal ng mga anak niya na by the way, hindi pa pala nila napag-uusapan ni Kuya kung kailan gaganapin ay nagpalaam na siya. Naiwan akong mag-isa sa bahay sa buong maghapong iyon since Aly had gone home, to her family and I hoped, she was already settling her issues with them.

Si Em ay muling dinaluhan ang kaniyang follow-up checkup, ipinagkatiwala ko siya sa driver tutal ay ayaw naman niyang samahan ko siya at hindi pa dumarating sina Evah at Eve mula sa pamamasyal nila. I hoped, she was enjoying.

I stopped mid-way to the kitchen to check if dinner was ready when I spotted Esen at the mini living room, silently sitting alone on the couch while looking to somewhere she only knew. It was a break from her, kapag kasi nandito si Eve ay hindi niya pinapatahimik ang pusang ito. Lumiko ako at nilapitan ito. She immediately moved when the other side of the couch sunk as I sat on it. Dinala ko ang kamay ko para marahang haplusin ang balahibo sa likod niya at napangiti ako nang banayad siyang pumikit.

This cat had so much memories of Jimin to me. Sa tingin ko, sa lahat ng mga bagay na nakakapagpaalala sa akin sa lahat ng mga pinagsamahan namin ni Jimin… only Esen remained by my sight. Dahil lahat, my Polaroid, my ring, our couple sweaters and our phones were all left locked up in my old house.

Why would I want to bring with me all of those if they only brought me pain and tears as I always remembered Jimin with them? Kasama nilang naiwan doon ang lahat ng mga sakit at ala-alang naidulot ni Jimin sa akin.

"Esen…" I chuckled as the cat snuggled under my soft and gentle touch, caressing her warm fur. Idinikit nito ang noo nito sa palad ko na para bang gusto nitong haplusin ko pa ito lalo.

Esen. Now that I thought of it, the name I had given her suited her very well, because Esen actually came from my name and this cat was a part of me… a part of my life. My name was Hannan Selestine, getting both the initial letters of my names, I would get H and S but getting the first letter of my second name and the last letter of my first name, I would get S and N. Pronouncing S and N directly would sound Es-En, so that was how it ended up Esen.

Pinag-isipan ko iyon noon. Bata pa ako ay mahilig na talaga akong i-scribble ang letters ng names ko at palagi kong naiisip na sa pangalan ko kukunin ang pangalan ng magiging anak ko.

It was just that, Esen happened first before Eve.

Napalingon ako sa direksyon ng hallway palabas ng mini living room nang makarinig ako ng mga yapak at ilang ingay mula roon. Hinintay kong lumitaw ang mga ito. My smile widened when I saw Evah appear from the corner, holding my daughter's hand while both smiling happily. Walang bahid ng pagod ang mga hitsura.

"Oh, you're here, Hanselle, look who enjoyed the mall," Evah happily said as soon as she saw me. Binitiwan niya ang kamay ni Eve at sinenyasan na lumapit sa akin.

I gaped my mouth open when Eve walked towards me, that was without me telling her. Kadalasan ay sasabihan ko pa siyang lumapit sa akin, kahit nga nilalambing ko na siya ay parang wala lang sa kaniya.

Lumapit siya sa akin habang nakangiti ng malapad, halatang sobra siyang natuwa sa lakad nila ni Evah. Her eyes were missing with how her lips were stretching highly, her cheekbones were also visible. Dahil doon ay nawala sa isipan ko ang panunuot sa pang-amoy ko ng napakapamilyar na amoy niya, not her usual baby melon scent, not Bien's usual scent but something sweet and minty.

Very familiar… something I hadn't smelled for years.

"Mommy, Tita Evah brought me to an arcade! We played video games! We played basketball too! We even danced!" At habang nagkukuwento siya ay nakikita ko ang pamilyar na kislap sa mga mata niya. Sparks that I once had seen from that person.

I ignored the familiar sweet scent lingering from her so that I could smile at her stories. Ang makitang ganito kasaya si Eve ang pinakahinahangad ng puso ko. Just her smile was all enough to send away the familiar nostalgia dawning into me. Nakangiting hinawi ko ang ilang mga hibla ng kulot niyang buhok na nagkalat sa kanang pisngi niya. She was in pigtails again. Lagpas balikat na ang kulot niyang buhok dahil hindi ko pa ito pinapagupitan. I wanted it long plus curly, it would suit her for sure.

"She was very happy. Alam mo namang hanggang school at bahay lang si Chan sa Seoul, it's time for her to enjoy her childhood," ani Evah na nakangiti rin dahil sa pagkukuwento ni Eve.

I slowly stared up at her, smiling at her tall form. I didn't know if it was just because of the house's lighting or she was just really blooming these days. Maliwanag ang mukha at walang bahid ng pagiging istrikta. She had her hair now cut shorter than ever. Kung dati ay hanggang baywang ang kulot niyang buhok ngayon ay hanggang dibdib na lang ito, straight and streaked with purple at its ends.

Hinila ko si Eve at dinala paupo sa kandungan ko. I was more than happy when she didn't refuse. Nagpa-anod siya sa akin. Tiningala kong muli si Evah pagkatapos.

"Thanks for bringing her out, Evah," was all I answered Evah as I poured my full attention to Eve who was now yawning. Hindi ko tuloy napigilang mapahagikhik.

My baby was tired. Alam kong madalas silang magkasama ni Bien sa Seoul pero hindi sila lumalabas sa mga malls dahil na rin sa identity ni Bien.

Tama si Evah. It was time for her to enjoy her childhood. Masyado yata akong naging protective kay Eve noon. I didn't deprive her just the people that should be in her life, I also deprived her the essence of her childhood.

Wala siyang reklamo roon. I had never heard her ask about her father, never. I had never heard her ask about how she was different from her classmates who had their parents… I had never heard her complain to be honest, because she was contented with what she had. And I was done.

I was done depriving her things. I was done depriving her all the things she should have.

Isinara ko ang laptop ko matapos kong makatanggap ng email regarding the board meeting Kuya Haynes was talking about. Sa susunod na araw na iyon. I could only imagine how serious this was for that meeting to be this early. Nakatanggap din ako ng tawag mula kay Mamang para paalalahanan ako sa nasabing meeting. Holly and Kuya Haynes would be there too as a part of the board.

Palagi naman talaga kaming isinasama kahit na directors meeting ang ginaganap. My mother would always ask for our opinion, though we didn't really know what to do sometimes.

"You're coming?" Stephen asked me as he comfortably shifted on his seat. Narinig niya ang usapan namin ni Mamang dahil hindi na rin naman siya iba sa akin. "M Liners has been on the news, it looked serious." He added, brows crossed and lips pursed. Naka-upo siya sa couch na nasa receiving area ng opisina namin ni Chelsea. Pinag-uusapan namin ang financial outflows ng Eve's nang tumawag si Mamang kanina.

Stephen Abarintos was the financial specialist and accountant manager of Eve's but it was just his freelance work. Nagtayo na kasi siya ng sarili niyang lending firm at ngayon ay kumikita na ito, though he was still very active with his work here.

"Yes. Iyan ang pag-mi-meeting-an, probably, but don't worry, it's not seriously affecting the whole Montecarlos. My mother just wants this issue done as soon as possible I guess." Bumalik na ako sa harap ng desktop ko at inasikaso ang ilang emails doon na kailangan kong tugunan. I still got a lot of issues undone here at Eve's, luckily, not major issues. Just enough for me to focus. I didn't need to stick my nose into the Montecarlos' problem, because I knew, even without my mother's hands, it would be solved.

Tumango na lang si Stephen at ibinalik na rin ang usapan sa totoong sadya niya rito. It was not so often for him to be here. Nasa Pasay kasi ang opisina niya at malayo rito. Hindi nga ako nagkamali noon na balak akong ireto ni Kuya Haynes kay Stephen, years ago, Kuya had told me that he had really hired Stephen for me to get me to date him, but then, I had known from the start that Stephen and I were never going to work.

Stephen was… how could I say this, he was just not that someone who was into his opposite sex because he was more likely into his ka-'brotherhood'. He was not so showy, he was not so vulgar, crap, he was even so mysterious about it but in order for people not to find out about his chosen gender, he found me as a perfect alibi. Wala namang kaso sa akin iyon dahil gusto ko ring makatulong sa kaniya kaya nga ina-akala nina Aly na may kung ano sa amin ni Stephen, kaya madalas din akong pagsabihan ni Bien na huwag masyadong makipaglapit sa financial specialist ng Eve's.

He was a friend.

With the way he dressed, with that face and body, most girls tried to hook up with him. Hindi rin siya madamot kung sa pakikipagrelasyon sa mga babae. Sa limang taon kong pagkakakilala kay Stephen, he had introduced tons of girls to me. Dating, just friends or even girlfriends, name it, he had it, but then, a heart that knows what it wants would forever be honest and loyal.

He was gay, that was that.

"Why don't you plan out an extension? Sa Makati? Line it up with those foreign dine-in restaurants. Magiging malaki ang advantage ng Eve's since it's a Filipino cuisine," suhestiyon ni Stephen matapos naming pag-usapan ang financial matters ng Eve's.

Natutuwa ako dahil maganda ang financial status ng Eve's Manila, mas mataas kasi ang net sales nito ngayong buwan kumpara last month at may mga panibagong menu ang nadagdag sa listahan na may magagandang pricing.

"Hindi rin. There are also Filipino cuisines around the city, Stephen. Eve's isn't still that big to compete," sagot ko pero naiisip kong may punto nga siya sa sinabi niya.

"They'll be your direct competitors. Eve's is growing bigger, at hindi natin malalaman kung kaya na bang makipagsabayan ng Eve's kung hindi susubukan, Hanselle. Well, it's just a suggestion." Nagkibit-balikat siya ngunit matamang nakatitig sa akin. He wanted me to consider his idea.

I nodded. Hindi na ako sumagot para ipakita sa kaniyang hindi ako tumatanggi at hindi rin naman ako sumasang-ayon. Though, I might think about it.

Nang umalis siya ay sunod na pumasok si Bret sa opisina ko para ipakita sa akin ang files ng mga aplikanteng napili niya. We weren't in short of kitchen staffs but then, we didn't want to get to that point. As long as possible, hangga't may paglalagyan sa kusina, we would need people.

"Three of them will be having an interview with you tomorrow and the others are for orientation, I was the one who interviewed them when you were in Seoul," ani Bret na matuwid na nakatayo sa harap ng mesa ko.

Pinagtaasan ko siya ng kilay. Bret was kind of stiff and reserved in front of me, pero nakikita ko siyang carefree sa mga staffs sa kusina man, sa counter at sa labas. Sometimes, I would see him laughing with them too, so I knew, he had a problem with me. Or maybe, katulad lang din siya ng ibang tao na aloof sa akin.

"Take a seat first. Hindi naman kita kakainin ng buhay." Binuntutan ko ang pabiro kong tono para hindi siya ma-tense.

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya at agarang naupo sa upuang nasa harap ng mesa ko. Muntik na akong matawa sa ginawa niya, I suddenly remembered one certain person.

Nasaan na kaya siya? I hoped he was doing fine. Hindi na kami nagkaroon pa ng pagkakataong magka-ayos bago ako mag-resign noon sa NBC. James. I was sure, he was married now. I hoped he was happy.

"I'm sorry for that—"

"Hey, 'sorry's are for those mistakes you've done. Wala kang ginagawang masama…" Ngumisi ako nang makita kong kumunot ang noo niya. "Anyway, you see, I've got many works to do. Hindi ko alam kung maisisingit ko pa ang interview na iyan. Maybe, you can do it. I trust your judgement," sabi ko na mas nagpalaki ng mga mata niya.

"M-Me? You'll let me do it?" he asked, stunned.

"Why not? We don't have HR, so you can do it."