FINAL CHAPTER

As soon as a familiar gray Palisade pulled to a halt in front of the big house, my daughter’s small hand instantly disappeared from my grip as I barely saw her still small body run towards the car. Ni hindi pa nga bumababa ng sasakyan ang taong lulan noon ay nagtatalon na siya sa saya sa labas ng drivers’ seat habang paulit-ulit na binabanggit ang Daddy niya.

“Appa! Appa!” Eve, in her sixth year, happily screamed when the door of the driver’s seat finally pushed open before a very fine man still in his gorgeous military suit went out.

My heart, like always, cheered happily when I saw two identical smiles I hadn’t seen for a while ever since he had gone into the military and served his duty as a fair citizen of South Korea. I had always loved how the sides of his eyes would wrinkle when smiling widely, matching perfectly the beautiful smile of his daughter. I had always loved how his eyes would go missing, complementing very well the sparks in his daughter’s eyes.

Kahit na madalas talaga akong ma-out cast sa tuwing nag-uusap sila noong hindi pa siya pumapasok sa military, obvious na obvious na talaga ang dami ng similarities nilang mag-ama. Mahihiya ang mga ugaling namana sa akin ni Eve sa dami ng mga namana niya sa Daddy niya. From the features to the habit and mannerism, all screamed of her father.

She only took after my attitude, some likes and dislikes but it couldn’t be denied that the genes and the DNA that swam all over her blood and cells were all Jimin’s. Kaya siguro kahit na i-deny ko noon na si Jimin ang Daddy ni Eve ay walang maniniwala sa akin.

Slowly walking towards them, I almost felt my knees wobble in both weakness and overflowing emotions when Jimin quickly crouched down to lift the little girl in his arm. Eve wasn’t a baby anymore, she had grown a bit but still looked small for her age. She was already six years old but when with her classmates, her height was always behind. Her short hair before was now longer, still curly and very dark.

She was also very thin. Hindi kasi talaga siya palakain ng gulay. I had actually been asking why of all the things she could take after me, why that? Puwede namang iyong hitsura ko na lang, kay Jimin na lang sanang ugali ang nakuha niya. Sumuko na lang ako sa pagpipilit sa kaniyang kumain ng gulay dahil ayaw talaga niya.

It somehow reminded me how hardheaded I was before when it also came to that thing. It was also fine that she got my intellectual, she wasn’t also very active at school, she wasn’t very smart though very sharp and keen when it came to things and stuff. It was fine for me. Hindi ko naman itutulak siyang maging achiever, okay na akong masipag naman siyang mag-aral at kahit papaano ay nakaka-usad tulad ng karamihan sa mga bata.

Somehow, I blamed her lack of nutrients from vegetables in her body but then, I pushed that thought away because it didn’t matter. She had other healthy supplements other than vegetables so it was fine.

“I missed you, Appa!” Eve happily yet softly told her father who was already striding towards me. Kung magpapatuloy pa ako sa paglalakad ay baka bumagsak na ako dahil sa panghihina ng mga tuhod ko, hindi pa nakatulong na halos dalawang taon din kaming hindi nagkita.

To be honest, it wasn’t such a nice period of time. Ever since we both had come out to the public, ever since their disbandment, everything wasn’t so nice for the both of us. We weren’t in such book or drama where in the end, after all the miseries and pain that the main characters had gone through, beautiful things and happy endings would take place next.

No, it wasn’t like that for us at first. We had become the world’s enemy. Our family had been subjected to cyber bullying and a massive social media bashing. Isang buwan bago siya tuluyan pumasok noon sa military ay ginawa niya ang lahat para tuldukan na ang lahat at ilahad ang katotohanan sa publiko.

I had been very objected about it. I wanted everything to be just as low-key as possible, I didn’t want the media to get involved. Hindi na ako naghahangad pang linisin sa public ang gusot na ginawa ng SMT at Bighit pero hindi pala ganoon kadali ang gusto kong mangyari.

The investigation had to be revealed because if not, SMT wouldn’t confide. The media had to know about what had been happening for the SMT to surrender and admit all their wrong doings.

Sangkot ang Bighit pero madali nilang nalusutan iyon kapalit ng kontrata ng BTS. They let BTS go in exchange also of their safe getaway from the chaos. Pumayag si Jimin dahil may ilan ding mga ebidensyang lumabas na biktima rin ang Bighit ng SMT in a form of blackmailing. My father and my brother were both infuriated that they seriously did everything just to pull SMT down.

They succeeded, SMT was now under Bighit. SMT still had its name since that was something anyone couldn’t take from them but the whole management was now under Bighit’s president’s hand.

“It’s done, it’s done…” Jimin was with us all through those chaos when in fact he should already be preparing for his upcoming military service entry.

“No, it won’t be done. Jimin, people are seriously not in favour of us!” I cried so hard, constantly thinking about all the bad comments from the people upon the investigation. Natapos nga ang imbestigasyon, kahit papaano naman ay pumanig sa amin ang batas pero hindi ang mga tao.

They were a chaos, more chaotic matter-of-factly.

Kahit nang yakap na niya ako, iyong takot sa puso ko, hindi para sa sarili ko kung hindi para sa anak ko ay hindi pa rin mawala-wala.

People didn’t like us for Jimin, people thought we didn’t deserve Jimin, they all thought we weren’t for Jimin. They almost convinced me but with Jimin being with us all through that, he had proved me that people didn’t have a say when it came to who or what he deserved because it was only us who he wanted.

He wanted us so it was all enough to go on, face the world and love him just as he did the same for us.

Mabuti na lang at bata pa si Eve, wala pa siyang maiintindihan sa mga nangyayari. Yes, people, even Philippine media targeted us, crowded the outside of Ursula Land since they couldn’t get inside and almost ambushed us for a forced inquiry when we tried to go out together. Kaya kahit na hindi ako sang-ayon sa pagkakaroon ng bodyguards noon, bumigay ako kasi kaligtasan na ni Eve at Jimin ang nakataya.

Mas lumala pa ng nang tuluyan nang mai-announce ang official disbandment ng BTS. People—mostly ARMYs— blamed me and my daughter, they were blinded to the fact that I was a victim but then at the end of the day, I realized, they just needed someone to point a finger at because they couldn’t accept that BTS had finally disbanded.

Fans were in pain, they were all crying over their faves leaving the music industry officially. In the end, I accepted that their pain was just like how my pain was. Galit lang sila, malungkot lang sila, nasasaktan lang sila kaya ganoon. Truth be told, ilang araw matapos ang disbandment at ilang araw bago tuluyang pumasok si Jimin sa military, fans had settled down, some had even found their way to apologize to me and to my daughter.

‘In behalf of all the ARMYs around the world, I am genuinely and deeply apologizing for all the bad reactions and harsh words thrown to Miss Hanselle Ursula. We were in-denial but we also came to a realization that we couldn’t really assume any BTS member to stay single forever. They are humans, they have emotions and loving is a part of it. This fan page is about to sign off but before that, I just want to officially welcome Park Jimin’s family into the fandom. You have the ARMYs’ love and protection.’

Nagkatinginan kami ni Jimin matapos naming mabasa ang mensaheng iyon sa isang online article na sinulat ng isa sa mga malalaking fan pages ng BTS. It was re-posted on several sites, receiving so many positive feedbacks and same reactions. Nagkaroon pa ng iba’t ibang bersiyon ang mensaheng iyon mula sa iba pang mas malalaking fan pages ng BTS, with the same approach but different contents. All sending us love, acceptance and protection.

“See? ARMYs are so thoughtful,” nakangiting sabi ni Jimin habang dahan-dahang itinatabi ang laptop mula sa kandungan ko saka ako unti-unting hinila, paupo sa kandungan niya. Bago pa man siya magtagumpay ay hinampas ko na ang balikat niya at marahas na hinawi ang mga kamay niya.

Pouting, hardly suppressing a sob from escaping my throat as my eyes started watering, I quickly turned my face away from his sight. It was seriously touching and moving. Hindi ko naman kasi hinahangad ang matanggap kami ng mga tao, ng mga fans nila, gusto ko lang na tigilan na nila kami pero iyong ibinigay nila, sobra-sobra.

“Yah, don’t cry,” he softly said when he saw my eyes but I just quickly shook my head, assuring him that I was fine. Mabilis kong tinakpan ang mukha ko ng parehong braso ko para hindi niya makita ang mga luha ko.

Shaking my head, I let my arms wipe the tears away. “I’m n-not crying…”

“Come, let me hold you.” Wala na akong nagawa nang sumuot na sa ilalim ng mga balikat ko ang mga braso niya saka ako buong lakas na inilipat sa kandungan niya. My cheeks heated up thinking how he managed to lift me up and easily settled me on top of his lap. Nakakahiya ring isipin na ganito niya ako lambingin gayong may anak na kami.

Back in Manila at my parents’ house, we were much held back from making each other feel how we felt. Nakakahiya rin kasi lalo na at naroon ang mga magulang ko, si Kuya Haynes ay tipong bantay-sarado ang bawat kilos namin ni Jimin kaya hindi talaga kami nagkaroon ng pagkakataon na sa aming dalawa lang.

Kaya nang isang linggo na lang bago ang military service entry niya ay nag-decide akong bumalik dito sa Korea. He had to stay with us until he finally entered military since he couldn't really be taken away from our daughter.

Palagi siyang hinahanap ni Eve sa tuwing nawawala siya ng saglit.

“Jimin, you daughter’s just inside our room…” Ngumuso ko nang maramdaman ko ang banayad niyang mga haplos sa baywang ko.

“Hm, she’s asleep, tired from playing with me so I’ll play with you now,” he answered in a sharp intake of breath as he arched his head back, resting it on the couch back rest and showing me how his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down.

Chills ran down my spine when his hands moved to my back and smoothly trailed up. Nang umabot sa batok ko ang isang kamay niya habang nanatili sa likod ko ang isa ay naramdaman kong unti-unti niyang itinutulak ang mukha ko palapit sa kaniya.

Caving in, I eagerly let our lips meet, my hands moving up to his shoulders. Strands of my hair came covering the sides of his face, they fell when I crouched down to him.

“Don’t act so playful, you’re not,” natatawang sabi ko sa gitna ng halik, damang-dama ang lambot ng mga labi niya sa akin habang damang-dama ko rin ang paninigas ng mga hita niyang inuupuan ko.

“Really? I’m not?” He tested, softly kissing my lips and lightly tugging at my lower lip with his teeth while drawing lame circles on the deeper part of my back.

“Uh-uh, you’re a softie, Jiminie,” sagot ko saka bahagyang tinapik ang dibdib niya para iparating sa kaniyang walang mangyayari sa amin ngayon tulad nang madalas kong gawin. He would always initiate an intimate moment with me only to be rejected also.

It wasn’t like I didn’t want it. I just didn’t like to delve myself into what I was feeling because he was leaving. Mas ma-mi-miss ko lang siya kung pagbibigyan ko pareho ang mga sarili namin. Siguro naman makaka-survive kami ng dalawang taon, sa kaniya magiging madali dahil magiging abala siya sa training pero ako? I was sure he would be on my mind for every idle moments!

Sa huli, naghalikan na lang kami sa couch na iyon, tumigil lang nang pareho naming narinig ang iyak ni Eve sa kuwarto.

I should have always known that I was a mercenary of myself as ever. Dahil noong gabi bago ang araw ng alis ni Jimin, nabigo akong pigilan ang mga sarili namin. I had let it because I realized, he would be gone for two years, I needed memories of us to visit and fantasize at night when I was missing him.

Truth be told, gabi-gabi ko ngang pinantasya si Jimin dahil araw-araw ko siyang na-mi-miss! Eve made it even more worst!

Noong mga unang buwan ay nadadala pa ang bata ng dahilan na nagta-trabaho si Jimin kaya hindi nagpapakita pero kalaunan ay talagang hindi na niya tinatanggap ang ganoong dahilan.

I knew that there was no special treatment inside the military but it was still a luck that Kuya Haynes had managed to get into the training base where Jimin was placed and take a video from Jimin. It wasn’t easy, my brother had to communicate with political people in South Korea just to be permitted to go inside. Parte pa rin naman ng trabaho pero nakakagulat lang na ginawa talaga iyon ni Kuya para kay Eve.

Nalungkot din ako nang ibalita sa akin ni Kuya kung paano ang buhay ng mga enlisted sa training base.

“It’s not something anyone would be willing to freely do if only given a chance. I give my respect to those who are inside the military, deep respect to the younger ones.”

I imagined Jimin doing all the orders and running and working hard for it because he needed to do it. Palagi akong naiiyak kapag naiisip kong nahihirapan siya sa loob gayong ang ganda-ganda ng buhay niya rito sa labas.

Eve was very happy when she saw her father’s video message for us. Nanibago pa ako sa hitsura ni Jimin dahil bago siya pumasok ay hindi pa army cut ang buhok niya. Bumagay naman sa kaniya pero parang ipinamukha lang sa akin na wala siya roon para magsaya, nandoon siya para sa bansa nila.

My man serving for his country, sacrificing two years of his life for the land where he was born. Though very sad to hear because of our distance, I couldn’t deny the patriotic side dripping. Lalabas siya ng military na handa na kung sakali mang manganib ang bansang South Korea, that sounded so bravely and beautiful.

He was beautiful. And brave.

Two years would have been fast and short only if I wasn’t missing him, only if I didn’t see Eve cry and tantrum because she missed Jimin too, and only if every memory of him wasn’t glued to every part of the house… and my mind.

Mixture of pure minty and musky scent pulled me back from reminiscing what had happened the past two years, it was a bit unfamiliar because I was used to his sweet and minty scent but then I realized, he just came out of the military base… anong sweet doon?

“Mommy! Look, Appa’s hair’s really short!” matinis ang boses na sabi ni Eve habang ginugulo ang buong ng Daddy niya at humahagikgik. Jimin was trying to arch his head away from Eve but since he was carrying her, she still could reach his hair.

Smiling a bit, I slowly nodded at her, still refusing to cut the distance between us because I was still unsure about my knees stability. Napansin yata iyon ni Jimin kaya kunot-noong lumapit pa siya sa akin hanggang sa halos gagahibla na lang ang pagitan namin sa isa’t isa.

His handsome form suddenly so blinding yet endearing to see in close proximity. Bagay na bagay sa kaniya ang suot niyang military suit. It was light brown in color and camouflaged. His skin tanned a bit, I didn’t know melanin skin would have ever looked good on him but crap, it did. Siyempre hindi allowed sa loob ng training base ang may kulay na buhok kaya naman sayang-sayang ang mga mata ko sa itim niyang buhok sa gupit na army cut.

He actually looked older than his age, he seriously looked older than the man I had in my memory. He looked rougher and very harsher now, imposingly manly compared to the soft and slender idol from two years ago. From his face and skin, I could clearly see the hardship he had gone through inside the military but if anything, it only made him more gorgeous for me.

Crap, he was the father of my child!

“Tell me you can still recognize me.” Naputol lang ang paninitig ko sa kaniya nang maramdaman ko ang mainit niyang hininga malapit sa bibig ko at marinig ko ang boses niyang ilang buwan ko ring hindi narinig. His voice got raspier and deeper! Tumutugma lang sa hitsura at pangangatawan niya ngayon!

Crap, what had military done to my boyrfriend?!

Hardly biting my lower lip, I mentally scolded myself over obviously ogling at my boyfriend just right in front of me. Bumuntong-hininga ako saka ngumiti sa kaniya. “Sorry? Who are you again?” Dinagdagan ko ng mapaglarong tono ang boses ko para asarin siya.

Pouting, he stared up at his daughter. Sa hitsura niya para siyang nagsusumbong kaya seryosong bumaling sa akin si Eve na pinagtaasan ko ng kilay. All through the years, the little girl had found her way to boss around because she knew, everyone was very willing to give into her every demand.

“Mommy! He’s Appa! His hair changed! His color changed! But he’s Appa!” pagalit na sabi ni Eve kaya nagpigil akong matawa samantalang kumukunot naman ang noo ni Jimin habang nagpapalipat-lipat ang tingin sa amin ng anak niya.

“Eve, your Appa has longer hair, he’s whiter. Come, I told you not to talk to strangers—“ Hindi ko pa man natatapos ang sinasabi ko ay sabay nilang niyakap ang isa’t isa na tila ayaw maghiwalay. Hindi ko na talaga napigilan ang mapangiti dahil ang cute-cute nila parehong tingnan.

Nang malaman ko mula kay Kuya Haynes na ngayon ang labas ni Jimin mula sa military ay talagang naghanda kami pareho ni Eve. We were both excited, wanting to see the man we had been missing so much for months. Ni hindi siya pumasok ng school para lang salubungin ang pagdating ng Daddy. She had also asked me to make her look pretty for her father and also pushed me to make myself pretty.

Minsan nga naiisip ko, anim na taon na siya kaya baka may alam na siya sa mga bagay-bagay pero agad ko rin namang itinataboy ang isiping iyon dahil hindi ko matanggap na lumalaki na siya at nagkaka-isip na.

Eyes narrowing, I watched as Jimin whispered something to his daughter before kissing her head. Tumatangong humiwalay si Eve sa kaniya saka ako muling binalingan, seryoso pa rin ang mukha. Kulang na lang humalukupkip siya para ipakitang siya ang boss dito.

“What is it, mahal ko?” natatawang tanong ko.

“You don’t miss Appa…” she softly answered, giving Jimin a side-glanced and the former idol pouted, slowly nodding his head as if seeking sympathy.

Giving in when Jimin’s pair of small and beautiful eyes bravely met mine, I let my heart instruct my mind. Nilapit ko sa kaniya ang mukha ko at buong-pusong hinalikan siya, naramdaman ko pa ang isang braso niyang pumalibot sa baywang ko kaya nahulaan kong hindi siya papayag sa mabilis na halik lang.

In front of Eve, though it looked inappropriate, I let him kiss me heartily once again making me feel that with him, everything was beautiful.

Nang maghiwalay kami ay sabay naming binalingan si Eve na halatang gulat sa nakita. It wasn’t like she hadn’t seen us kiss yet, it was just her first time to see her father kiss me intimately. Palaging peck ang nakikita niya dahil hindi naman kami naglalandian ni Jimin sa harap niya.

“Appa, I saw your tongue…” she innocently said that had me almost pop my eyes out as Jimin loudly gasped.

Sa taranta ay naitulak ko si Jimin palayo sa akin. Crap his tongue! Paanong nakita iyon ni Eve?

“I-It’s normal for Mommy and Appa to kiss like that, Hyechan. I love your Mommy,” sagot ni Jimin na sinusubukang isalba ang sitwasiyon pero mas lalo lang yatang naguluhan ang bata dahil sa pagnguso nito.

“You love me too.” Sureness was dripping through her voice.

Glaring at him, I crossed my arms in front of my chest. “Make it wholesome, Sergeant,” I said in a warning tone, using the rank my brother said Jimin  would possibly get when charged out. Hindi kami makakapasok sa loob ng bahay hangga’t hindi naliliwanagan ang bata.

“Hm, yes, but the k-kiss I shared with your mother…” He sighed at me, clearly wanting help but I hardly shook my head. Nagpatuloy siya. “It’s a kiss for… for married people!”

Muntik na naman akong matawa dahil sa sinabi niya pero ramdam na ramdam ko rin ang pag-iinit ng mga pisngi ko. He surely knew how to send my heart into leaping, cheering and hyping up. Hindi pa naman kami kasal pero roon din naman kami patungo.

Eve blinked innocently at him before she turned to look at me for confirmation so I slowly nodded my head at her. Nilapitan ko silang muli saka ko ikinulong ang mukha niya sa mga palad ko. I gave her a loud smooch. “And that’s a kiss for my one and only baby!”

She fell into a fit of giggles after that before asking for a kiss from her father.

“I love you, Mommy. I love you, Appa.” She hugged us both with her small arms.

“I love you.” Sabay naming sagot ni Jimin.

Finally, no more restrictions and with open arms, I could finally welcome the beautiful reality that awaited us. Jimin and Eve both were my beautiful reality, and it would only be fair to them to bring them into the beautiful reality we all could live in.

No, not a dream anymore but a reality.

The end.

*
Property of Hannan Usman
All Rights Reserved 2019.

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just in case no one has told you yet, you're cute and valid 💕

- Hannan♥