XXXIII

Chapter Thirty-three

"A cup of caramel macchiato for this beautiful lady!" masiglang sabi ko sa magandang babaeng customer sabay lapag ng order niyang drink sa mesa.

She smiled shyly at me, obvious that she understood me as she said, "Komawo." While putting some strand of her hair behind her ears.

Hindi ko tuloy napigilang mas mapangiti pa. The good thing about serving and waiting people was when I could make them smile with simple talks and little honest compliments because aside from giving them their orders, I could also see their sweet smiles. Gustong-gusto ng mga customers na pinupuri sila. I often did it to ladies. Sa mga lalaki ay pinipili ko lang ang pinupuri ko, iyong mga bata lang at saka mga senior citizens.

Of course, some of them didn't understand me at all, meron namang iba na tuwang-tuwa talaga.

May mga lalaki namang hindi ko maiwasang ismiran sa tuwing nagpapakita sila ng obvious na interest sa akin, that was for those guys who were brave and thick-faced enough to flirt with me because most of the guys were shy when I was around.

As for my fanboys, they would still go here every Sunday and were still very makulit.

I was busy getting customers' orders when I heard Aly call me in a hush tone. Nilingon ko ang kinaroroonan niya. Nasa counter siya at mukhang napakaraming oras para mag-phone lang. Sabagay, wala masyadong customers ngayon at saka hindi madalas lumabas si manager Kang sa office niya.

"'Lika muna rito dali! May papakita ako sa'yo!" aniya habang nasa loob ng counter at sinesenyasan akong lumapit.

Tinapos ko muna ang isang customer bago lumapit sa kaniya. I leaned on the counter as I put down the order list for her to take and waited for her. She was holding her phone and was squealing because of something from it. Sanay na ako sa kaniya, may mga pagkakataon nga sa bahay na bigla na lang siyang sisigaw at magtatalon dahil sa kung anong nasa phone niya.

Hay, hindi siya natatakot na mahuli ni manager Kang na gumagamit ng phone during work hours kasi nasa staff room lang naman ito madalas.

"I think may bagong pakulo ang BTS ngayon. Look, 'di ba noong nakaraan sina Namjoon, Jungkook at Taehyung ang nag-post? Ngayon may post naman ang ibang members!" she giddily told me as if I would be interested.

I rolled my eyes and exhaled a deep sigh. Here was one, a very loyal and solid ARMY that couldn't be stopped.

Advantage talaga ng mga fans here in Korea, updated sila sa mga online posts ng mga K-Pop idols and I didn't know if that was a thing I should hate for, kasi kabilang si Aly sa mga fans na sobrang hilig bantayan ang posts ng lahat ng K-Pop Idols.

Tamad ko siyang pinanood na mukhang hindi man lang napapansin ang disgusto sa mukha ko dahil sa topic na gusto niyang pag-usapan namin. At talagang inabala niya ang trabaho ko para lang dito.

"Look Hoseok's post!" She immediately showed me her phone. I noticed her having the comfort in calling BTS in their real names, which only strongly attested how die-hard of a fan she was. At kahit na ayaw kong makita iyon ay wala na akong nagawa dahil nasa mismong harap ko na ang screen ng phone niya. Halos magkanda-duling nga ako sa sobrang lapit.

Bahagya akong lumayo at pinakatitigan ng maayos ang sinasabi niyang post ni J-Hope. Nandoon ang litrato ng pamilyar na… the familiar pair of house slippers that had that pink character from Trolls movie designed on top. House slippers ko iyon noong nasa bahay pa ako ng BTS. Iyon ang ginagamit ko kahit na inis na inis ako sa kulay. And fine, Princess Poppy was cute but I just couldn't understand why she should be in pink?!

"Ito yung caption niya, ta-translate ko ha…" She clicked the translation and we both read it, "Miss, I can hear your cute heavy yet calm footsteps around the house even without you here. Please come back." Though, she read it out loud while I just read it mentally. Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa. Her eyes were shaded with both confusion and excitement. My eyes filled with emptiness and hollowness. "Grabe! Ang intense ng mga posts nila!" ani Aly na tipong kinikilig bago ilayo sa akin ang phone niya.

Patago akong pumikit ng mariin. Hindi ko alam kung bakit may mga ganyan silang drama ngayon. Nang-aasar ba sila?! Kung may bago nga silang pakulo, masyado naman yata silang namemersonal!

Aalis na dapat ako sa counter nang hawakan ni Aly ang kamay ko. I pursed my lips as I calmed my insides while staring at her hand that was holding my arm.

"Wait! Meron pa e!" ani Aly, walang kaalam-alam na naiinis na ako at ayaw ko nang may makita pang related sa BTS.

"Aly, nasa trabaho tayo," tamad kong sabi sa kaniya. Nawalan tuloy ako ng gana. Nasira na ang maganda kong mood. That would surely affect my work.

"Sige na! Heto o, post ni Jin!" She again showed me another photo. At parang gusto kong maiyak kasi… kasi isa rin si Jin sa mga naunang naging malapit sa akin noon. I had had so much attachment to him other than Jimin and Taehyung.

He was very nice to me. He always cooked meals that were only fine with my taste. He always voiced out what was in my mind even before I could say it.

Jin posted a cup of black coffee. Crap! Parang alam ko na ito. Parang alam ko na ang gustong sabihin dito ni Jin kahit na hindi pa sinasabi sa akin ni Aly.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa caption. I hardly bit my lower lip because I didn't need Aly to translate it to me since Jin had it captioned in English.

'I can let you make us more bitter coffee… I can drink more of your own made coffee, just come back. We miss you, H.'

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko dahil sa caption niya pati na rin sa huling sentence. My heart, being as stupid at it was, immediately reacted. Kahit na sinaktan na ito ng mga parehong tao ay nagawa pa rin nitong magsaya dahil lang sa…

Bakit… bakit may initial? Now, that only proved me that they were really doing it for me. Wala na akong ibang maisip pa. Pero bakit… bakit ginagawa nila ito sa sakin? After what they did to me? What was that all for?

Binawi ni Aly ang phone niya. Muli siyang nagtipa roon habang nakatitig lang ako sa kawalan dahil sa gulong nasa isip ko.

"Last na talaga. Wala pa kasing post si Jimin pero si Yoongi meron na kaso walang picture. Basahin ko yung translation, 'I'm sorry. I'll be good, just come back.' Hala, ang fishy ng mga posts nila! Baka hint ito sa bago nilang kanta? Omo, excited na ako!" tuwang-tuwa sabi ni Aly saka na siya bumalik sa trabaho, leaving me devastated without knowing it.

I was devastated! I was confused! Bakit ginagawa sa akin ito ng mga lalaking iyon? Akala ba nila joke lang ang lahat ng ito sa akin? Hindi pa ba sila tapos paglaruan ako? Ako na nga yung umalis para sa ikatatahimik ng lahat e! Ako na nga iyong umalis para matapos na ang gulo e!

Couldn't they just leave me and my life alone? Kasi ayaw ko nang magkaroon pa ng kahit na anong ugnayan sa kanila! I had had enough. I had hated the very first time I had ever started idolizing K-Pop! I had hated the moment I had ever loved Jimin! But I hated myself more…

"Hanselle, may problema ba? Hala, nainis ka ba sa akin kanina?"

Mula sa pag-aayos ng locker ko ay nilingon ko si Aly. Humugot ako ng malalim na buntong-hininga saka ipinagpatuloy ang pag-aayos. I went here in the staff room so that I could calm my system. Hindi ko rin naman kakayaning humarap sa mga customers ng ganito. Baka sila lang ang mapagbuntungan ko.

Siyempre hindi ako galit kay Aly. Galit ako sa sarili ko kasi hanggang ngayon apektado pa rin ako ng kahit na anong bagay na related sa BTS. Galit ako sa sarili ko kasi hinayaan kong humantong sa ganito ang lahat when I had all the chances to save myself before. I could have chosen not to get fooled by them but I had still chosen to let them fool me. I could have chosen to leave but I had chosen to stay. I could have chosen not to love them but I still did.

Now, I was hurting. Still hurting.

Crap, I hate myself!

"Hanselle~!" Aly nudged at me. She even held the door of my locker just to get my attention.

I exasperatedly blew out a sigh as I turned to face her. "Hindi ako inis sa'yo," sagot ko.

Ngumuso siya. "Pero bakit ka nagmumukmok dito? Ang daming customers sa labas," aniya.

Lumayo ako sa locker at naupo sa bench sa gilid ng mga lockers pagkatapos ko hawakan ang door locker na hawak niya at isinara. Sumunod siya sa akin at naupo rin sa tabi ko. Nakita ko pa siyang sinilip ang silid ni manager Kang.

He was just inside, I supposed, and doing his work.

"At saka, hinahanap ka no'ng mga fanboys mo," dagdag niya.

"I'm thinking about my brother. Hindi pa rin kasi niya ako kino-contact," sabi ko sa kaniya. Isa lang ito sa dami ng mga bagay na gumugulo sa isip ko. I couldn't exactly tell her what was really making me mad right now, but at least, that was a valid reason since my brother being here was really bothering me.

Humarap sa akin si Aly at tinapik ang balikat ko. Somehow, that comforted me. "Relax ka lang. As if naman papaluin ka ng kuya mo…" Binuntunan niya iyon ng tawa saka nagpatuloy. "Kung pababalikin ka man niya sa Pinas, tutulong kami para makumbinsi ang kuya mo na huwag ka ng pabalikin muna," aniya habang hinahaplos ang likod ko.

Kusang gumuhit ang malapad na ngiti sa mga labi ko. She lit me up there. I was thankful that in the middle of my chaos life, I had them, I have them here by my side. Ngayon lang ako magpapasalamat dahil damang-dama kong hindi ako nag-iisa. But if still given a chance, I didn't want people to see me surviving this havoc of my life. That was how I was, that was how I had always been.

She managed to drag me out again. At tama nga siya, nasa labas na naman iyong mga highschool fanboys ko raw.

I decided to call them that because they were all so stubborn. Wala yatang Sunday na hindi nila pinalagpas. Hindi ko nga alam kung saan kumukuha ng pera ang mga iyon para tumambay rito. They were nothing but highschool boys! Fine, they were rich highschool boys.

"NOONA!!"

"NOONAAA~ MY ORDER!"

I mentally face-palmed as they all get excited when they saw me, and they really seemed to own this place. Aapat lang naman sila. Wala bang magawa ang mga ito kaya rito nanggugulo? At ako pa talaga ang mamomroblema sa kanila?! I noticed that the shop was extra loaded. Hindi lang mga highschool boys ang nandito kung hindi may mga highschool girls din. Nadako ang tingin ko sa kinaroroonan ng grupo ng mga highschool girls. Kumunot ang noo ko nang makitang masasama ang tingin nila sa akin.

Weird, wala naman akong ginagawa.

Hinayaan kong si Jung ang kumuha ng order ng mga batang iyon. Mabuti na lang at hindi naman na sila nagpasaway pa at hiniling na ako ang mag-wait sa kanila. Good boys. Nilapitan ko na lang ang iba pang customer na mas kailangan ang serbisyo ko. Napansin ko ang secret admirer ni Aly na nasa usual spot nito at mukhang naka-order na, but my attention got drawn by a new specie.

A guy in perfect black hoodie sat near the door, may suot ding black mask at itim na cap. Nakayuko siya pero dahil wala pang pagkain sa mesa niya ay nilapitan ko siya.

I stood beside his table while holding in my hand the pen and the order checklist. Seemed like we still got another stalker here. Ganitong-ganito ang ayos ng mga stalkers nowadays na nagbabantay sa mga gusto nilang staff dito. Just like Aly's secret admirer.

"Hello Sir! You ready to order?" masigla kong tanong sa lalaki gamit ang nakasanayan kong linya sa mga customers. Hm. Sino naman kaya sa mga kasama ko rito ang interest nitong lalaking ito? Inilibot ko ang paningin ko para pagmasdan ang iba kong kasama, there were five beautiful ladies here, of course, I already subtracted myself.

Sina Lamma, Dahyun, Mina, Yorin and Aly. Who could it be?

Muli kong nilingon ang lalaki ngunit nanatili lang siyang nakayuko. Muli kong inilibot ang mga mata ko para hanapin si Mr. Admirer ni Aly, I found him sitting on his usual seat. May kape sa mesa niya at ilang cookies. I once caught that guy looking intently at Aly that was why I found out about that guy's little crush to my friend.

"Iced Americano," simpleng sagot ng customer na nasa harap ko sa mahinang tinig na sa kabutihang palad ay umabot naman sa pandinig ko.

Tumango ako habang nilalagyan ng check ang order niya. "Anything you want Sir other than Iced Americano?" tanong ko ulit.

"You serve it," aniya sa mahina pa rin ngunit buo at medyo pamilyar na tinig na ngayon.

"Okay," muli kong sagot at tinalikuran na siya para magtungo na sa counter pero kusang huminto ang mga paa ko dahil may napagtanto ako.

My heart started beating erratically, my mind started spinning crazily and my insides started clenching automatically at the faint and sudden realization. Awtomatikong nanlambot ang mga tuhod ko at pakiramdam ko ay babagsak ako. Hindi pa nakatulong na nanghihina ang mga kamay kong hawak ang order pad.

'Iced Americano.'

His… his voice, how could I forget his voice?

"Iced Americano," he just simply said. Nakababa na ngayon ang suot niyang mask. Sumandal siya sa upuan at ibinaba ng bahagya ang suot niyang cap habang ako, nanatili akong nakatulala sa bagay na nasa mesa.

Did he just?

"Are you telling me to buy you a drink?" I asked him, my eyes blinking in confusion.

He just nodded.

Napanganga ako. I was about to complain but I remembered, oh, he was a public figure. He couldn't be seen here, scratched. I should rephrase that, he couldn't be seen here with me.

Mariin akong pumikit para iwaglit sa isipan ko ang ala-alang iyon. Magulo man ang takbo ng isipan ko na sinabayan pa ng ngayon ay naghuhuramentado kong puso ay nagawa ko pa ring alalalahanin ang lahat ng pinagdaanan ko sa kanila.

No, he couldn't be here. Just how dare him?

Gustuhin ko mang pumihit paharap para i-confirm sa sarili kong hindi siya ang lalaking nasa likod ko pero hindi ko kayang lumingon, because the possibility of him being that man was frightening. And my heart wasn't yet ready to take another risk. My wounded heart wasn't yet ready for another wound. Kaya imbis na pumihit patalikod ay mabilis akong nagmartsa patungo sa counter at malakas na ibinagsak sa harap ni Dae ang papel kung nasaan ang order ng lalaki. Pagkatapos ay walang sabi-sabi akong pumihit naman patungo sa restroom. Ni hindi ko na rin nilingon si Aly kahit nakita ko mula sa gilid ng mga mata ko na nagulat din siya sa ginawa ko.

Pumasok ako sa banyong laan para sa mga customers na sa kabutihang palad ay walang tao. I occupied one of the cubicles and locked it. Naupo ako sa takip ng toilet bowl bago sinalo ng mga palad ko ang mukha ko.

Come on, Hanselle. I thought, you would endure? You're not even sure if that man was really Jimin. Maybe this is one again of your paranoid and over-dramatic side. Masyado mo kasi siyang iniisip kaya napapagkamalan mo na ang kahit na sino bilang siya. My inner Goddess lectured me.

Umiling-iling ako. No, his voice. I knew very well his voice. Maging iyong ayos niya! Ganoong-ganoon ang ayos niya noon… the black hoodie, the black mask and the black cap. Ang pinagkaiba lang ngayon, light blonde hair na ang nakatago sa cap na iyon at hindi na pink hair. Even his choice of drink!

My gosh! When would it all end? As much as I didn't want to hide, the more I needed to. At paano ako matatahimik kung wala silang balak na tantanan ako?

Narinig ko ang pagbubukas at pagsasara ng pinto sa labas. I then heard slow and careful footsteps so I stayed still because it sounded suspicious. The footsteps were going my way. Inangat ko ang dalawang paa ko at ipinatong din sa toilet bowl saka mahigpit na niyakap. Tinakpan ko ang bibig ko habang hinihintay kong lumayo ang mga yapak. I almost caught my breath when I saw a pair of familiar shoes stop right in front, just under the door of the cubicle I was in.

No, no, no, this was a ladies restroom for crying out loud! Hindi siya puwedeng pumasok dito! He shouldn't even be here in the first place and showing his face to me!

"M-misseu."

Kusang nanubig ang mga mata ko nang marinig ko ang napakabanayad niyang tinig. I can't help but feel nostalgic upon hearing it. I often here people calling me that, pero iba pala talaga kapag galing mismo sa kaniya.

I… I just undeniably missed it! Crap. This. is. not. good!

Mariin kong tinakpan ang bibig ko para pigilan ang mga hikbing gustong kumawala sa lalamunan ko. Sumasakit ang dibdib ko. Hindi ko alam na ganito pala kasakit magmahal o sadyang maling tao lang ang napili kong mahalin.

"Let m-me see you, jebbal." His voice sounded hoarse and very sad.

What have you been doing to your voice? Inaabuso mo na naman? Alam kong isa iyan sa puhunan mo, you have a very beautiful voice but you can't just overuse it.

Kahit hindi niya nakikita ay paulit-ulit akong umiling habang pigil ang mga hikbi. Kahit na gustong-gusto ko siyang makita dahil miss na miss ko na siya ay pinigilan ko ang isinisigaw ng tanga kong puso. Here was the man who broke it and it still stupidly longed for him.

Crap! Hindi puwede. Hindi puwede dahil masakit na! Sobrang masakit na!

I refused to talk. Just go, Jimin. There's no way I will go out and face you. Gustuhin ko mang makita ka, 'cause crap, only God knows how I freaking miss you, pero ayaw ko. Ayaw ko nang kunsintehin pa ang puso ko. Getting fooled is what it's specialty. That's why I can't. I need to take over it before it gets its way again and be a fool for you.

"Bogoshiposeo, misseu." Muli kong narinig ang nagsusumamong boses niya.

I could only imagine his sad face now. Ang huling naaalala ko sa mukha niya ay noong nagkita kami sa MBC show, at ilang araw na ang nakakalipas mula noong having iyon. I didn't even see him that near.

I firmly closed my eyes as I shook his handsome image away from my mental vision and as I painfully ignored his soft pleading voice.

Just go, please. You have a career to take good care of, you have a girlfriend to mind so stop fooling me! Kasi baka mamaya hindi ko na kayanin at sumuko na lang ako kagaya noon. Baka mamaya, ako na ang lumuhod sa harap mo at itinigil na ang lahat ng ito! 'Cause damn you! Nakakasakit ka na!

"Jebbal… jebbal, I will die not seeing you," he again begged in his now breaking voice.

Napanganga ako kasabay ng panibagong mga luhang namumuo sa mga mata ko. Panibagong sakit ang idinulot ng pagsusumamo niya sa puso ko. I could endure him fooling me, hurting me and playing with my heart but not when he was pleading like this. Sobrang hina lang ng puso ko pagdating sa kaniya at natatakot akong sa huli ay bumigay ako.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kulay tsokateng pinto na para bang makikita ko siya roon. I hardly pursed my quivering lips while suppressing a sob but my eyes wouldn't just cooperate, they were shedding shameful tears for him.

Oh no, you don't tell things like that to me, Jimin. You don't know how I was just barely holding back! You don't know how hard it is for me that you're just a piece of wood away from me and yet I can't see you, I can't touch you, I can't freaking feel you!

"Stop f-fooling me." Sa wakas ay nahanap ko rin ang lakas ng loob para magsalita. Mas hinigpitan ko ang yakap sa sarili ko. Nakita kong gumalaw ang mga sapatos niya mula sa ibabang bahagi ng pinto at nakaka-inis lang dahil mas sumakit ang dibdib ko dahil lang doon.

His every single move would always affect me.

Go… just go, Jimin. Walang tayo sa mundong ito. Walang tayo sa lifetime na ito. Or maybe, you were really made to make a fool of me and I was really made to get fooled by you.

I sniffed silently as my lashes slowly fell, releasing another batch of tears. Hinayaan ko ring mahulog ang ulo ko sa mga tuhod ko habang tahimik na ipinapanalanging sana ay umalis na siya.

"Misseu, I… I l-love you."

I almost felt myself fall on the ground upon hearing his very low yet so stern voice. Mabilis akong muling nag-angat ng tingin sa pinto kasabay ng walang habas na pagwawala ng puso ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Being a stupid as it was, it cheered. It giddily cheered because crap, ang lalaking nasa likod ng pinto ang nag-iisang taong kayang bigyan ng iba't ibang emosyon ang puso ko.

Mahal ko siya, at wala akong magagawa tungkol doon!

Kusang huminto ang mahihinang hikbi ko ngunit patuloy pa rin ako sa pagluha. Nakaawang ang mga labi ko. My heart was at the end of the celebration while my mind was still in the middle of processing what he said. Sinabi ba niyang mahal niya ako? Kasi katumbas ng pagbigkas niya noon ay ang pagpapakatangang muli sa kaniya.

Kung totoo ngang narinig ko ang mga salitang iyon at nanggaling iyon sa bibig niya, then I was afraid I would have to be a fool again for him.

Crap! Who freaking cared about getting fooled?! Jimin telling me those words were more than enough to take me into my insanity and to endure every pain because still, Jimin was my illegal man. Jimin was my weakness. JM was my beautiful dream. JM was all of me!

And crap again! I didn't freaking care getting hurt again because crap, crap, freaking crap, I loved him too!

Mabilis akong bumaba ng toilet bowl, pagtapak ng mga paa ko sa sahig at pagtayo ko ay muntik pa akong matumba, mabuti na lang ay naisandal ko ang isang braso ko sa dingding para hindi ako tuluyang bumagsak. I cursed mentally because of my stupidity.

Crap, see how I reacted just because of his simple I love you? I felt like submitting to him just to hear it again and again from him!

Inabot ko ang knob ng pinto at marahas na hinila pabukas. Once again, I saw the perfection that God had created to take me into my most irrevocable and undeniable downfall. The only man who could always make me insanely unstable, who could scrape my heart and heal it at the same time and the only man who I could submit to.

Nakatayo siya suot pa rin ang mask niya na tumatabon sa bibig at ilong niya, at ang cap niya na natatabunan ang blonde niyang buhok. His natural sweet and minty scent immediately soothed my nose, that I missed so much. Mukhang nagulat siya sa biglaan kong paglitaw. I saw how his eyes go a bit bigger, those eyes that used to look at me in a most shy and innocent but lovely look.

Ngumuso ako at hindi ko na talaga napigilang humikbi. Tatanggapin ko ang eksplenasyon niya tungkol sa kanila ni Sally pero hindi ako papayag na maagaw siya sa akin ng pabebeng—as Aly termed it—iyon. Because him telling me those words implied that he was now mine when I was his, all along.

Nahihiyang ngumiti siya. "Can I hug you?" he asked shyly, having some of his words pronounced weirdly, nevertheless, it came to my ear just as beautiful as him. His lips got traced through the thick cloth of his black mask when he smiled. His eyes also smiled, creating pretty crescent moons.

I hardly bit my lower lip as I nodded slowly. Nakatingala ako sa kaniya dahil wala pa rin namang pagbabago, matangkad siya at hanggang ibabang tainga niya lang ako.

I'd love to be in your arms, Jimin! Crap, I missed you!

He shyly scratched the back of his head as he towered over me. Dahan-dahang sumuot palibot sa baywang ko ang mga kamay niya saka ako hinila palapit at marahang niyakap. Ang katawan ko ay dikit na dikit sa katawan niya. His arms draped protectively around me as he buried his face on my neck.

Pumikit ako habang dinadama ang yakap niya at ang maiinit niyang paghinga na tumatama sa balat ng leeg ko. His sweet and minty scent soothing my nose. I leaned my face on his broad shoulder as I hugged him even tighter.

I had never felt this way before. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam na bumalik muli sa mga bisig niya. I really did fit well in his arms, as if his arms were just made for me, his arms were just made for him to hug me this tight. Like, I was the perfect measurement of his embrace.

"I missed your scent," aniya habang damang-dama ko ang mainit niyang hininga sa leeg ko, ang mga labi niya ay bahagyang dumadampi sa balat ko.

"I missed your s-scent," hikbing sagot ko habang ipinupulupot ang mga braso ko paakyat sa leeg niya at niyayakap siya ng mahigpit.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, myself, but Jimin is more powerful than I am. He's all that I am.


Sinenyasan ko si Jimin na manahimik habang nakaupo sa upuan niya sa mesang malapit sa pinto kung saan ko siya nakita kanina. Napapansin ko kasing kanina pa pinapanood ni Aly ang mga galaw ko. And Jimin would only smile at me behind that black mask!

He would also frown when my highschool fanboys would call me 'noona' and get my attention. Muntik na nga siyang tumayo nang palibutan ako ng mga ito, kung hindi ko lang siya pinanlakihan ng mga mata ay baka sumugod na talaga siya.

He couldn't make a scene here if he didn't want his face on the pages and trends tomorrow.

Tahimik na ang BTS ngayon, maliban na lang sa mga bali-balita sa kanila ni Sally na pinapaboran naman ng mga tao at hindi puwedeng magka-issue na naman dahil lang nagseselos siya.

Hm, jealous… jealous Jimin was cute.

Though, hindi pa rin ako makapaniwalang magkaayos na kami, hindi lang basta magkaayos. Puwede ko na bang sabihing nagmamahalan kami? Kasi hindi pa naman kami kaya hindi ko siya matatawag na boyfriend ko.

My cheeks quickly boiled. Nakakapanibago talaga ang ganitong pakiramdam, if cloud nine was real then I would be contradicting it because cloud nine wasn't enough, it should be feeling above all the layers of earth, it should be heaven. Si Jimin ang pinag-uusapan dito. He wasn't just any man out there. He was my man, my dreams and all of my fantasies. My beautiful dream. Always. He was my dream came true.

Nasa kalagitnaan ako ng pag-aayos ng mga gamit ko sa loob ng lockers ko para maghanda na sa pag-uwi nang mag-vibrate ang phone ko para sa isang mensahe. I fished it out my jeans. May isang message. Familiar number ang sender pero unregistered. It was the same number who was calling me before.

From: 010******13

Misseu.

I will wait outside.

Hindi ko na kailangan pang itanong kung sino ito dahil alam na alam ko na. The way my heart was beating with only this message. Iisang tao lang naman ang may ganoong epekto sa akin.

"Let's go, Hanselle," Aly told me, all ready with her simple white sweater and red skinny jeans. I actually forgot about her. Hindi ko naman siya puwedeng isama sa paghatid sa akin ni Jimin at mas lalong hindi puwedeng magkita sila ni Jimin!

Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi ko. What should I do? Should I send Jimin off? Should I leave Aly alone? Nah! This was more difficult than having to choose between my heart and my mind! Pero gusto kong makasama si Jimin! Pero ayaw ko namang iwan si Aly mag-isa.

"Naghihintay ba sa'yo iyong boyfriend mo?" Aly asked me that startled me.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko dahil sa sinabi niya saka ako mabilis na umiling. "Wala akong boyfriend!" segunda ko, hindi ko alam kung justifiable ba dahil ano na nga ba kami ni Jimin ngayon?

It was clear that we were now fine, it was clear that we both felt the same way towards each other but did we have the formal label? Was he now my boyfriend? Could I finally say that I was his girlfriend?

Aly slyly grinned at me. "Tss! Iyong lalaki kanina! Naku, masyado kayong obvious 'no! Ikaw ha! May tinatago ka pa lang boyfriend! Fine! Mauuna na ako. I'll let you be with your boyfriend basta ipapakilala mo siya sa amin ha! For now, keep quiet muna ako!" Tinapik niya ang balikat ko at iniwan na ako habang humahalakhak.

Uh, what just happened? Napakarami niyang sinabi at napakabilis kaya wala akong naintindihan sa mga sinabi niya, ni hindi niya ako binigyan ng pagkakataong magsalita.

I just stared at the door she just went out. Natauhan lang ako nang muling tumunog ang phone ko. This time it was a call from Jimin. Sinagot ko agad ito.

["Are you trying to make me miss you again?"] Jimin asked from the other line, sporting a clear and perfect English grammar. Mukhang siniseryoso nga nila ang kanilang English lesson nila.

Napangiti ako. "I'm almost done. Jimin, you can't bring me home. You don't have a car," sabi ko sa kaniya habang isinasabit sa balikat ko ang sling bag ko habang hawak ko ang phone ko sa kabilang kamay. Naalala kong wala silang kotseng lahat. Siguro ay dahil may service van naman sila, o baka may mga kotse sila pero hindi pinapagamit sa kanila.

["I brought a car, manager hyung's car,'] aniya na nagpanganga sa akin. Fine, but did he have driver's license? Because seemed like everything was going on his plans. I didn't even know that he could drive!

Habang nasa byahe kami ay nakatitig lang ako sa labas at nakaupo sa shotgun seat. Hindi ko alam kung makikipag-usap ba ako sa kaniya o kung magbubukas ba ako ng topic since tahimik lang din siya. Pakiramdam ko, umurong iyong mga lakas ng loob ko kanina habang kausap ko siya sa phone. The cheering and the excitement within me remained though.

"Why did you leave?"

At dapat hinanda ko na ang sarili ko sa komprontasyong ganito dahil alam na alam kong mangyayari ito. Hindi pa ako handa, marami akong tanong sa kaniya, sa kanila at hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko ba? Hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko bang pakinggan ang mga eksplenasyon nila.

"Do you want to eat first?" Pag-iiba ko ng topic nang nilingon ko siya. Nakita ko kung paanong nalaglag ang mga mata niya sa ginawa ko at kung paanong humigpit ang hawak niya sa manibela. Though seeing Jimin behind a wheel was another thing. Ngayon ko lang siya nakitang magmaneho.

He looked too cool and very handsome. Hinubad na niya ang itim na hoodie na suot niya kanina, he was now clad in a white plain t-shirt and a black tight jeans.

I bit lower lip as I marveled at his goodness. Hindi ako makapaniwalang nakaupo ako sa shotgun seat ng sasakyang minamaneho ni Park Jimin. Wow, the privilege…

"We will eat," aniya sabay tango bago ibinalik sa daan ang tingin.

Nodding softly, I pursed my lips as I took my sight back outside the window. Nagtagumpay akong ilihis ang topic pero paano sa ibang pagkakataon? Ayaw kong marinig mula mismo sa kaniya na talagang binalak nilang ipaalam sa lahat na si Sally ang girlfriend niya at pinlano nilang gawing si Sally ang mga kuha ko noon kasama si Jimin.

Masasaktan lang ako. Not now that I just felt so happy.

Ayaw kong marinig mula sa kaniya mismo na bago niya pa ako yayaing mag-date noon ay nakaplano na ang lahat sa pagitan niya at ni Sally. It would only hurt me even more. I could act as if nothing happened for now, saka ko na aalalahanin ang mga talagang nangyari, kapag ready na ako.

Just not now.

Kumain kami sa hindi gaanong mataong kainan. Marami siyang kinuwento sa akin tungkol sa ibang miyembro ng BTS pero hindi na muli pa niyang binuksan ang topic tungkol sa mga nangyari. He must have sensed that I still didn't want to talk about it.

Nalaman kong hindi sila natuwa nang malamang wala na ako sa bahay pag-uwi nila noong araw na umalis ako. They all got mad at manager Sejin for letting me go that day. Hinanap nila ako pero hindi naman nila alam kung saan ako hahanapin hanggang sa mangyari na nga ang nangyari noon sa MBC.

The skit on Twitter was all RM's idea because they were expecting that I would be coming back. Akala siguro nila ay nadadala ako sa mga ganoon, though somehow, it fluttered my heart. Kasi hindi naman pala mga pakulo lang lahat ng iyon, iyon pala talaga ang mga nararamdaman nila.

"You didn't post anything," I said when I remembered that it was only the six who posted on Twitter, wala siya.

"I will." And he sweet smiled at me. After that, hinatid na niya ako sa bahay. Turned out, tumakas lang siya, itinakas niya lang din ang kotse. I just hoped he wouldn't get scolded though.

We parted ways as I told him to drive safely and I reminded him to inform me if he arrived home safe. And much to my relied, he did.

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