Chapter Eighteen

Ang mga labi niya ay mamula-mula at mamasa-masa dala marahil ng lip balm niya at pakiramdam ko, ako ang matutunaw sa pagtitig sa mga iyon. And crap, just how lucky those chopsticks were?!

I mentally shook my head to wipe away the unwanted thoughts running in my innocent mind just because of this illegal existence in front of me. Masyadong delikado ang presensiya niya sa puso't isipan ko, and I couldn't help but ask my insides if they were still properly intact.

How could God let such a perfect man walk in His created world for mortals? No wonder there were sinners. Humans weakness is perfection. And he was perfect!

"Mwo?" he asked me, still innocently having that pair of chopsticks sandwiched between his tempting cherry plump lips.

No, Jimin, innocence doesn't have a place in your illegality.

I bit my lower lip as I battled whether to tell him or not but in the end, my inner Goddess won, telling me things like I couldn't let those people take a photo of Jimin and I together, not with a lot of issues still on our way.

Inginuso ko kay Jimin ang staff na hanggang ngayon ay kinukuhanan pa rin kami ng litrato at mukhang hindi nakakaramdam ng pagka-ilang ko. I was not really comfortable about it plus, there was still an unsolved issue between us. Bukod sa hindi ako sanay sa ganoon, feeling ko na-trauma na ako.

Ganito malamang dito, people were free to take pictures of idols, not to mention, staffs. Sila malamang ang source ng ilang clips sa YouTube na napapanood ko tungkol sa BTS.

Nilingon ni Jimin ang ingununguso ko na ilang dipa lang naman ang layo sa puwesto nila Jungkook. Binitawan niya ang chopsticks na hawak niya na ikinahinga ko ng maluwag. That was torture in my part.

Bumuntong-hininga ako habang tinititigan siyang nakatingin sa mga staff na hindi pa napapansin si Jimin. Just… just I silently hoped, he wouldn't cause trouble.

Tumayo siya at nilapitan ang staff na nasa may dulo ng mesa samantalang sinundan naman siya ng nagtatakang tingin nina Taehyung at Jungkook. RM murmured beside me something I didn't catch as Jin continued eating while both J-Hope and Yoongi stared confusedly at me.

I slowly bowed my head in embarrassment. I just really hoped Jimin wouldn't cause trouble. Gusto ko lang naman na itigil ng mga staffs na iyon ang halatang pagkuha nila ng pictures sa amin ni Jimin.

"May I see?" Narinig kong sabi ni Jimin sa kalmadong boses. As I turned to look at those staffs' direction again, nakita kong nakatayo si Jimin sa gilid nila at nasa kanila ang atensyon ng lahat, even their managers.

Maybe, I should have just let the lunch off first before telling it to him. Baka kasi mas magkagulo pa.

Nag-usap-usap ang ibang member ng BTS sa salitang Korean but I could hint confusion from their tones. Kasalanan ko… magkakagulo ba?

The staff silently handed the phone to Jimin. Tiningnan niya ang kung ano sa phone. He even checked something from it, having the privilege to click anything. Not long ago, he smiled, teeth showing and eyes losing.

Ibinalik niya ang phone at nagsalita. "Can you send those all to me?" he said to the staff.

The staff let out a gasp. Gulat na tumingin kay Jimin saka dahan-dahang tumango. And before he came back, he smiled sweetly.

That mentally dropped my ovaries. JM! YOU CAN'T SMILE LIKE THAT TO ANYONE! Damn this man, he would be the death of me!

Natapos ang napaka-intense na lunch na iyon, thankfully, because I really couldn't stand the awkward stares I was getting since Jimin went back from those staffs. Maging ang ibang miyembro ay mukhang wala rin kaalam-alam sa mga nangyayari.

Taehyung would nag at Jimin about what happened and Jimin would only smile. Weird, I knew. Hindi ko alam kung anong mga sinabi ni Jimin doon sa staff pagkatapos niyang makita ang phone nito. He wouldn't even let anyone see his phone either.

Hindi pa roon natatapos ang araw ng BTS. They still had a broadcast left and a meeting with their president. Nalaman ko ang lahat ng iyon dahil sinabi nila sa akin. Alas-cinco na ng hapon pero mukhang nagsisimula pa lang ang pagiging busy nila.

The moment we entered a building, agad na silang dinumog ng maraming tao. Nalaman kong isang channel station ang building na pinasok namin. May hawak ang mga taong nasa labas ng mga larawan ng bawat miyembro, BTS light stick and wearing cute kinds of headbands.

Uh, this was the crowd of BTS fans. These were ARMYs.

"Kim Namjoon! Kim Seokjin! Min Yoongi! Jung Hoseok! Park Jimin! Kim Taehyung! Jeon Jungkook! BTS!" They went like that, booming my eardrums. Pero mukhang sanay na sanay na ang BTS dahil ni hindi man lang sila nag-react at nagpatuloy lang sa pagpasok, well of course, they gave fans little smiles and waves.

Guards appeared from anywhere, keeping those fans from reaching the idols. Nasa likod lang nila ako kasama ang ilang staffs at nasa tabi ko ang stylist ni Taehyung. Sa kaniya ako dapat dumikit since iisa kami ng i-a-assist.

From here, I could see the intimidating back of their manager. I would understand if he would grill me alive for running into his boys' lives and giving them troubles. I would understand if he wouldn't be pleased to see me because I was the reason why BTS was in a mess right now.

Kahit nang makalayo na kami sa entrance ay rinig na rinig ko pa rin ang sigaw ng mga fans. Somehow, I knew how they felt. I knew the feeling of fan girling. Hindi man ako humantong sa puntong nakikisali ako sa mga fandoms, fan groups and fan clubs but the feeling of being a fan girl was similar.

Ang makita sila ang pinakapangarap ng bawat fan girl. To be able to go to their concert and meet them on their every fan meetings.

I was one lucky fan… so lucky. At kailangan ko ng makontento roon. I couldn't let my greed overpower just because I had given the privilege… luck, I might say.

Pumasok kami sa isang pinto. 'BTS' ang salitang nakapaskil rito. The room looked like a dressing room with a big mirror pasted half the wall, there were chairs in front of it and some makeup stuff on the long table.

Agad na naging occupied ang lahat. Maging ang BTS ay mabilis na naging busy na rin sa pag-aayos.

Si Taehyung ay agad na lumapit sa kinaroroonan namin ng stylist niya. Taehyung's stylist immediately started her work. Naghanap siya ng mga damit na naka hanger sa parang shop stand, while I just remained checking the surroundings.

Nasa loob ako ng dressing room na organized para sa BTS. Para sa BTS. Lahat ng mga nakikita ko ngayon ay ang madalas na mangyari sa kanila bago sila sumabak sa mga broadcast nila, mag-perform ng live sa stage o mag-pre-record ng mga performances nila. May iba't ibang shop stands… shop stand, I really didn't know how to call those stands in stores na madalas pinaglalagyan ng mga clothes to sell.

Sa bawat sulok ay nagkalat ang bawat member ng BTS kasama ang kani-kanilang stylists, P.As at makeup artists.

Hinanap ng mga mata ko si Jimin. I found him sitting in front of the big mirror across where I stood. He was talking with one of his staffs, even smiling as if telling the staff a funny story, habang may nakatayong staff sa likod niya na siyang nag-aayos ng buhok niya. May mga camera pa rin ang nakasunod sa kanila, they actually had their own camera director.

So, ito ang BTS bago pa sila sumalang sa stage? They were… they were so engulfed with it. Parang bigla na lang silang nag-transform sa pagiging mga hardworking idols. You really couldn't imagine them having mental disorders—pun intended.

"Yah! Don't just stand there and do your job!"

Napatalon ako sa gulat nang sigawan ako ng stylist ni Taehyung na siyang pumutol sa pagkakatulala ko sa mga nangyayari. Nag-panic ako dahil hindi ko naintindihan ang sinabi niya.

"S-sorr—" I was cut off when she tsk-ed and came back from minding the clothes on the rack. Napayuko ako dahil sa kahihiyan.

Hindi dapat ako ganito. I needed to cope up with them. Kaya akong intindihin ng BTS pero hindi lahat ng tao rito ay kaya akong intindihin. I couldn't expect anyone to adjust for me. Kaya imbis na tumayo na lang doon ay nilapitan ko ang rack ng mga damit.

Napahinto ang stylist ni Taehyung at kunot ang noong napatitig sa akin.

"I can handle his outfit for t-today," I softly told her. Hindi ko na siya hinintay na makasagot dahil naghanap na agad ako ng maisusuot ni Taehyung. Kinuha ko ang isang white bomber jacket when I remembered Taehyung wearing a similar jacket from their recent music video. "This," I said, referring to the jacket. "This." Kasunod kong inilabas iyong pulang portrait printed shirt na nakilala ko rin. "And this." At huli kong hinugot iyong pamilyar na black tattered jeans.

I put them all on my arms as I smiled widely. "These will all do," I added looking at the lady stylist with a proud smile on my lips.

I knew Taehyung's outfit for this broadcast. Madalas ay kung ano ang suot nila sa music video, iyon ang isinusuot nila sa mga broadcast nila.

Nakangangang tinitigan ako ng stylist pero wala naman siyang sinabi niya. Tumango lang siya at itinuro sa akin si Taehyung na naka-upo.

I nodded curtly.

Ganyan nga, Hanselle. You aren't the type of person that can easily break down by a waves of problems. You have been through worst. Isa lang ito sa mga pagsubok sa boring mong buhay. Baka naman nagsawa na ang tadhana sa kakapanood sa daily routine mo kaya binibigyan ka ngayon ng nakakabaliw na mga twists. Endure… My inner Goddess raised a thumb at me.

See? Just a twist. You just have to endure the twirl while gripping tightly. Magugulat ka na lang sa bandang huli, tapos na ang lahat. You would congratulate yourself for surviving after that.

Buong oras na nasa show ang BTS, on stage and facing the camera ay nasa loob lang ako ng dressing room, sitting silently on one of the couches and patiently waiting for them to finish. Ang ibang staffs ay nasa studio at sinamahan ang BTS.

I chose to stay here because I really couldn't afford to get anyone's attention again. Isa pa, pagod na ako. Alas-diyes ng umaga kaming umalis ng bahay kanina at alas-nuwebe na ng gabi ngayon. Hindi pa ako nagdi-dinner at hindi pa rin nagdi-dinner ang BTS. Kaya ba nagpa-lunch treat kanina ay dahil magiging busy ang mga staffs ngayong gabi? Pero kailangan din namang magpahinga at kumain ng Bulletproof!

Napagdesisyunan kong lumabas at bumili ng kahit na anong snacks na puwede nilang kainin, mabuti na lang ay may malapit na convenient store sa building at mayroon akong suot na BTS Staff ID para hindi ako maharang sa entrance. Pagbalik ko sa dressing room ay wala pa rin sila. Nilapitan ko ang babaeng nag-aayos ng mga gamit sa may salamin. I recognized her as Jungkook's hair stylist.

"Excuse me?" I called her attention. Lumingon siya sa akin. "What time will the show end?" I softly asked her.

Kumunot muna ng ilang saglit ang noo niya bago siya sumagot. Sa tingin ko ay pinag-isipan niya muna kung ano ang isasagot niya sa akin, ah hindi, kung sasagot ba siya sa akin in English.

"I'm not sure. I'm sorry." In the end, she answered me.

I winced. "Uh, English only please." Then I smiled hesitantly.

She lightly gaped her mouth. Mayamaya ay tumango siya at sumagot, "I am n-not sure." With a very thick Korean accent with long pauses.

Tumango ako na tipong naiintindihan ko siya bago ko inabot sa kaniya ang isang cupcake na binili ko. "You should eat too." Hindi ko na hinintay pang makasagot siya. The moment she took the food, I came back to the couch. Kaming dalawa lang kasi ang nandito ngayon. I would feel bad to eat alone. Isa pa, I bought more than enough food.

Lumipas pa ang ilang minuto sa loob ng dressing and they were still not coming back. Inilabas ko ang phone ko sa dala kong sling bag para sulyapan ang oras. Past nine na. Niyakap ko ang sarili ko at nagsumiksik sa gilid. Inaantok na ako pero hindi ko alam kung makakatulog ba ako sa ganitong lugar. Humikab ako at bahagyang pumikit.

Being an idol's P.A was lot more difficult than being their house maid. Bukod sa nakakapagod maghintay rito ng napakatagal, iyong pag-aalala sa kanila kagaya ng hindi pa sila kumakain at baka pagod na sila ay napakahirap.

E kasi nag-aalala ako!

Tss. Sana talaga sa bahay na lang ako. I could do all of the house chores. I could afford washing their used plates. I could clean the house and well, intrude their rooms except Yoongi's room of course. Forget, cooking. I couldn't cook.

Muli akong humikab at pumikit habang niyayakap pa ng mas mahigpit ang sarili ko dahil nanunuot na sa manipis na tela ng damit ko ang lamig ng buong silid.

Sure, BTS was so hardworking… and restless.

Pagdilat ko ng mga mata ko ay agad kong nasinghot ang mabango at pamilyar na amoy. Umupo ako ng maayos para lang mapansin ang isang itim na denim jacket na nalaglag sa lap ko. Uhh, what happened? Nakatulog ba ako?

I took my phone out of my bag and checked for the time. Mag-aalas-onse na pala gayong mag-aalas-diyes pa lang noong huli kong sinilip ang oras so nakatulog nga ako. Nilibot ko ang paningin ko at napansin kong tahimik ang buong silid.

From the corner, I saw Jin sleeping uncomfortably on a chair. Hindi lang iyon, si Yoongi ay naka-upo sa upuang kaharap ng salamin at nakayuko sa mesa, his head rested on his both arms. Si Jungkook ay natutulog rin katabi ng gising na si RM, busy playing with his phone.

Nahanap ko naman si Taehyung… sa tabi ko. Kagaya ko ay nakasandal siya sa back rest at tahimik na natutulog. He was just so adorable with his mouth slightly opened.

Dinampot ko ang jacket na nasa lap ko. Kaya pala medyo naging warm ang pakiramdam ko kanina dahil sa jacket na ito. Thanks to whoever put this on me.

Tumayo ako at ipinatong kay Taehyung ang jacket. I lightly tapped his head afterwards. I knew that he was two years older than me because he was twenty-two and I was just twenty but I couldn't help but think of him as a little brother. Ang cute-cute niya lang kasi!

Sunod kong hinanap si Jimin sa mga umiidlip na mga miyembro ng BTS. Kumunot ang noo ko nang hindi ko siya makita. Bukod sa ilang staffs na nandito rin ay wala talagang Jimin. Nasaan naman kaya iyon? At saka, 'di ba dapat ay nagpapahinga siya dahil may meeting pa sila kasama ang president nila?

Tumayo ako at nilapitan ko si RM na busy pa rin sa phone niya. Ang ibang staffs ay may kaniya-kaniyang pinagkaka-abalahan din.

"Joon," tawag ko sa atensyon niya, hindi na alintana ang nickname niyang ginamit ko.

Mula sa pagkakalikot sa phone niya ay tiningala niya ako. Umayos siya ng upo nang makita ako saka humikab. "Miss, you're awake," aniya sa napapaos na tinig.

Bumuntong-hininga ako saka bumaba ang tingin ko sa mga mata niyang lubog na lubog dahil sa kakulangan ng tulog. "You should sleep," I told him as I smiled a little.

Ngumiti rin siya. "Nah, I don't want to sleep. We still have a scheduled meeting after this," sagot niya.

"The more you need to sleep, Joon." I nagged at him, not really liking his reason. Buong araw silang busy, kaya dapat ay magpahinga siya.

His smile never wavered. "Fine, fine. Anyway, we ate your food awhile ago. Performing on stage is really tiring," aniya.

Tumango ako. "It's a-all yours anyway. Uhm, where's Jimin…" Napakagat-labi ako dahil sa pagngiti niya ng malisyoso kaya dinagdagan ko. "And Hoseok?" Well, napansin ko rin kasing wala rin sa silid si J-Hope.

"They're having a talk with our manager. Don't worry, Jimin will come back soon," he said that he tailed with an annoying chuckle.

Ngumuso ako at padabog siyang iniwan ngunit habang naglalakad ako pabalik sa couch ay naririnig ko pa rin ang nakaka-inis niyang tawa.

He sounded like he was teasing me!