Chapter Forty-eight

'"If there's a song I'd like to dedicate for her, I'd pick 'They Don't Know About Us' of One Direction," Jimin lovingly said as the last one to answer my question about what song were they going to dedicate to their significant ones—if there was.

I could see the sparks shading the in love guy as he answered my question thoughtfully and honestly as if he's thinking of his someone special and of course, he really is!

"Does each member's ideal type change somehow?" The last inquiry I threw them before the interview ended.

RM, who always takes the first one to answer every questions answered, "I think, it does change since our tastes change too. Though, as of now, I still like girls who look good in simple white shirt, jeans and a pair of red converse shoes." The amazing leader really knows how to twist his answers but the gleam and light shading his eyes are telling me that he's full of inspiration now.

The girl in RM's life was so lucky—again, if there is.

"I still like a girl who can cook but on the contrary, girls who can't cook are kind of cute," Jin then said grinning from ear to ear, he got my mind confused with that.

Is he really like this? So charming and so funny at the same time?

Oh Jin, have all of my humor since you already captured every ARMY's heart.

"Hm, I still like girls who like music and I think, a little introvert is hot," Suga answered, his legs are sexily crossed while staring at me with his lazy eyes. He really looks intimidating in person though he sometimes throws jokes with his other members, I could see the intimidation filling his whole existence.

"As long as she takes good care of me and loves me wholeheartedly. Hands-on girlfriends are my type," J-Hope said just as he got roasted by the other because of it. He's smiling while shaking his head.

Hm, are the guys know something we don't know?

And speaking of the maknae's type. I turned to Jungkook who's staring at me while biting his nail as if waiting for his turn.

No doubt, he's really the baby of the group. I like his attentiveness.

"I like girls who are like my noona," he simple said. He even winked just as he turned to look at the camera. That's what you got from an international Playboy, as ARMYs call him. He, too, got teased by the other.

But… is there a certain noona in Jungkook's life?

"A girl who can act silly and weird anywhere has always been my type. That girl who can pick clothes that will suit me. That girl who isn't of much talks but is so pretty," V said wriggling his brows and grinning from ear to ear enchanting me with his famous rectangular smile.

I really wonder if the boys have something—someone rather on their minds while answering my questions.

And lastly, we couldn't pass through this man who has blooming love life among the other members.

When I turned my head to JM, he's already smiling as if ready to answer my question…

Is he perhaps thinking of his girlfriend, Kang Sally of Bubbles? Hm, she's so lucky, isn't she?

"Actually, the girl I love already broke my ideals. She isn't good at cooking. She isn't good at anything that says house chores. She doesn't smile often, she isn't even that approachable, and she's very aloof. She's the silent type but she could be every man's own version of Snow White. She just has this charm that you would only want to protect her. And I can't believe she's mine," Jimin lovely answered, I could really say that he's in love with the way his eyes are twinkling in its shiniest. The sweet smile on his lips is strongly attesting how in love he is right now.

Isn't our Jiminie here so sweet?

I'm sure, his girlfriend, Sally, would be the root of envy and jealousy if this article would be released.

Just how lucky is she to have a very sweet boyfriend like Jimin?! Well, Sally is very pretty and she really is a good catch—'

"HUY!"

Nahinto ako sa pagbabasa ng isang online article sa desktop ko kung nasaan ang isa sa mga interviews ng BTS with a famous magazine in Korea at singbilis ng kidlat na in-exit ang site dahil sa panggugulat sa akin ni Chelsea.

"Ay, ano iyon ha? Hm, fishy," aniya nang marahan kong i-ikot ang upuan ko para makaharap siya. Nakapameywang siyang nakatayo sa harap ko habang nakatunghay sa akin.

"Can't you appear a little bit nicely? Crap, aatakihin ako sa puso dahil sa'yo e," inis kong sabi sa kaniya habang hawak ko ang dibdib ko dahil sa gulat.

"Sus! May ginagawa ka kasing kung ano riyan! Ano iyon, ha? Patingin!" Sinubukan niyang agawin sa kamay ko ang mouse pero bahagya ko siyang tinulak habang natatawa dahil masyado siyang mapaghinala.

Same old Chelsea. Bakit hindi na lang siya naging detective since masyado siyang maraming hinala? She always suspected me. Kahit noon pa man. I didn't even have the slightest interest of telling her that I was also a Korean stan before but she had her ways of knowing it too.

"Wala iyon! I'm working here. Bakit ka ba nandito? Wala ka bang trabaho?" natatawang untag ko sa kaniya nang nagtagumpay akong ilayo siya sa mouse.

Nameywang siyang muli at hindi na tinangkang abutin pa ang mouse pero nanatili siyang nakatitig sa akin gamit pa rin ang mga mapaghinalang mga mata. Seriously, siya iyong tipo ng taong hindi mapaglilihiman.

"Balak kong magkape. Gusto mo ba? I'll make you one," alok niya sabay pakita sa akin ng dala niyang black smiley designed mug na ngayon ko lang napansin.

Kinuha ko ang mug kong kulay mint green naman at may design na maliliit na black hearts na nasa gilid lang ng keyboard para i-abot sa kaniya. "My pleasure, Chels. Pakihugasan na rin," I said with a pout.

Pinagkainan ko kasi kanina iyong mug na iyon ng cereal dahil dito na ako nag-breakfast sa office.

Inirapan niya lang ako at umalis na.

"More creamer please!" pahabol ko pa na mas lalong natawa dahil sa inasal niya.

Muli kong hinanap sa history iyong article na binabasa ko kanina nang ma-ihatid ko na ng tingin si Chelsea hanggang sa mismong pinto ng pantry. Ngumuso ako nang muli ko itong mahanap habang napapa-higpit ang kapit ko sa mouse. I was reading an article of a famous Korean magazine where BTS was featured weeks ago. At sa article na iyon ay ang interview nila with the writer's very own first person point of view.

Luckily, I found its English version. Nahirapan pa akong mahanap iyon, kailangan ko pa kasing bilhin iyong entry since sa isang online magazine ito nakalagay.

The interview happened when I was still in Korea, in the middle of the issue between Jimin and Sally, above all, while we were still dating secretly. Iyong mga times na nagta-trabaho pa ako sa Bunnies at tumatakas siya para patago kaming magkita.

Hindi ko mapigilang ngumiti, kasi alam ko, bukod sa kanilang pito, alam kong hindi si Sally ang tinutukoy ni Jimin sa sagot niyang iyon. I was not being assuming or whatsoever. Ramdam kong hindi talaga si Sally iyon dahil hindi iyon sasabihin ni Jimin para kay Sally.

I was not so approachable. I didn't do well with house chores. I didn't really smile often. I didn't cook. I was a silent type girl. I was his Snow White, and I was his, maybe even until now. Though, I had to oppose on the part where he said, I needed to be protected. I could really handle myself because I was not a stupid damsel in distress.

Yes, I was way too ahead of myself but it was really me he was referring there. At dahil doon, nagsasaya na naman ang puso ko. It was again pushing me to hold on, to fight for him and to endure again.

Anyone could envy Sally but I wouldn't. I must thank her actually, because she was being used in order for us to be hidden, for me to have a peaceful life. Getting the crowd's attention that was supposed to be mine, I didn't mind, for as long as I knew that I was Jimin's girl.

Only me… I was his girl.

I broke his ideal type. Ang sarap siguro marinig mula mismo sa kaniya ang mga salitang iyon. I broke Park Jimin's ideal type… I was now the every bit of his ideals.

Crap, it was too dangerous! Natatakot akong hindi ko na mapigilan ang puso ko at tuluyan na lang na mag-pa-control dito. Lalo na at alam na alam ko sa sarili kong mahal na mahal ko pa rin si Jimin.

Kakayanin ko ba?

Sa pag-uwi ay hindi na ako nag-commute. Nadala na ako ng mga pangyayari noong nakaraan sa daan. What if may makasalubong na naman akong mga kahina-hinalang mga lalaki? Wala ng Jimin na nasa tabi ko at handa akong protektahan. Wala na siya para hawakan ang kamay ko at iparamdam sa akin na hindi niya hahayaang may mangyaring masama sa akin.

I couldn't let him stalk me again. Hindi iyon mabuti para sa kaniya lalo na at sa bansang ito, marami rin ang nakakakilala sa kaniya. Like I said, if I needed to hide him in a box just to protect him, I would.

Pagpasok ko ng bahay ay agad akong nagtungo sa kuwarto ko para magbihis. I just slipped into my simple black fitted tank-top and black sweatpants. Ipinugong ko na lang ng basta ang medyo may kahabaan nang buhok ko matapos kong maghilamos para mabura ang makeup ko. Nagtungo ako sa kitchen pagkatapos para gumawa ng makakain habang nanonood ako K-Drama sa living room. I could watch through my phone but since my laptop arrived just earlier this morning, sa laptop na ako manonood.

Pabalik na ako sa living room dala ang transparent bowl na puno ng sliced watermelons nang marinig kong tumunog ang doorbell kaya wala sa sariling lumiko ako sa direksyon ng pinto. I held the door holder and without looking at the peephole, I pulled the door open only to see seven grinning guys, holding boxes of foods and bottles of beers.

Hindi pa man ako nakakapagsalita ay nagsipasukan na sila sa loob ng bahay ko na para bang binigyan ko na sila ng permisong gawin iyon. Huling pumasok ay si Jimin na nakangisi sa akin, ang mga mata ay nawawala dahil sa pagkakabinat ng mga labi niya.

I was very confused but I still managed to marvel at his smooth handsome smiling face.

Crap, too dangerous!

"What i-is this?" I asked him, stunned.

Nagkibit-balikat siya. "We want to see you, misseu," simpleng sagot niya at nilagpasan na ako.

Hindi makapaniwalang isinara ko na ang pinto habang nagtatakang pinapanood ko siyang mawala sa hallway dahil lumiko na siya sa direksiyon ng living room.

Yes, fate. Way to go.

I should have known that my life was very entertaining to play. It was fate's favorite actually.

And they didn't even ask for my permission!

"NOONA~! You have a big house!" tuwang-tuwang sabi ni Jungkook habang ina-ayos nina Jin, Joon at Hoseok ang mga dala nilang pagkain sa coffee table na nasa gitna ng mga couches sa sala.

But compared to the house they bought, mas malaki iyon.

Si Mamang ang nagbigay sa akin ng bahay na ito noong nag-aaral pa ako pero nitong pagka-graduate ko na ginamit ang bahay. If she had only given me a chance, I wouldn't even choose this house. Mag-isa lang naman ako noon. I could live in a simple studio-type house.

Nagmartsa ako palapit sa leader nila at nameywang. "What's this?" tanong ko sa kaniya dahil mukhang wala akong makukuhang matinong sagot sa mga kasama niya. One hand anchored at the side of my waist while the other one was still holding the plate of sliced watermelon, I impatiently waited for his answer.

"We just wanna hang out with you," tanging sagot niyang hindi man lang ako nililingon dahil busy na siya sa paglalabas ng mga pamilyar na bote ng beer mula sa isang supot.

I stared disbelievingly at him before I dragged my sight to the others, who by the way had placed themselves comfortably already all over my couch. At talagang gagawin nila ang lahat ng gusto nila! Nasaan ba ang manager nila at hinahayaan sila rito sa Pinas?! Alam naman kaya ng manager nila na nandito sila?!

Should I report them so they could get dragged back to Seoul?

"Come here, misseu~!" Nilapitan ako ni Hoseok at hinila patungo sa long couch na siyang nakaharap sa flat screen TV. Marahang itinulak niya ako pa-upo sa gitna nina Taehyung at Jungkook bago siya umupo sa kabilang gilid ni Jungkook.

Wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang ilapag na lang ang hawak kong plato sa mesa kasama ang mga pagkaing dala nila.

Kaming apat ang umu-okupa sa long couch. Namjoon sat on the single couch, on the other single couch across him was the usual silent Yoongi. Habang sina Jimin at Jin ay sa carpeted floor na lang piniling ma-upo, nakaharap sa center table. Pinalibutan namin ang maliit kong coffee table kung nasaan ang isang box ng pizza, isang box ng fried chicken, ilang cups ng noodles at ilang bote ng beers kasama ang bowl ko ng sliced watermelons.

Sinimulan nang buksan ni Namjoon ang isang bote ng beer. I secretly rolled my eyes as he effortlessly took the lid off. Paano kaya sila iinom niyan kung wala naman silang mga shot glasses?

"I'll get you glasses," sabi ko saka ako tumayo para magtungo na sa kusina. Hindi ako madalas uminom pero may ilang shot glasses namang naka-stock sa kusina ko for some purposes.

I opened a cupboard and took out five shot glasses. Inalapag ko ang mga ito sa isang wooden tray at babalik na sana ako kaso napahinto ako nang makita ko ang lalaking nakatayo sa hamba ng doorway ng kusina.

Yoongi's so ever lazy eyes were staring deeply at me while his hands were both tucked inside his pants' pockets. We never got along so well but I was not saying that I was still closing my doors for him. Kinalimutan ko na iyong mga ginawa niya sa akin noon.

I had gone through so much worst. Isa pa, humingi na siya ng tawad sa akin noon. I was just too mad before to accept his apology. I could offer him friendship now, just like how I got along with the other BTS members… well, except Jimin.

Aminin ko man o hindi. May mas special na bond sa pagitan namin ni Jimin kaysa sa iba. He was my boyfriend and I loved him.

Nilapag ko ang tray sa mesa at mahinahon siyang tinitigan habang hinihintay siyang magsalita. But then I remembered, it was Yoongi, a less talkative man. Baka kung hihintayin ko siyang magsalita ay abutin kami rito ng siyam-siyam.

Tumikhim ako ngunit wala pa rin siyang tinag. "Do you need something?" tanong ko sa kaniya nang hindi na ako makapaghintay pa sa kung anumang sasabihin niya dahil mukhang hinihintay niya rin ako.

I also came to realize that Yoongi deserved a chance from me, a chance of forgiveness and friendship. Hindi siya nanghihingi ng chance pero susubukan kong makisama sa kaniya. Iintindihin ko siya dahil kahit papaano naman ay nakilala ko rin siya noon.

"Misseu," tawag niya sa akin sa mahinang tinig na sa kabutihang palad ay nagawa namang umabot sa pandinig ko.

I exasperatedly sighed when it seemed like he only opened his mouth to call me. Seriously, we were just wasting both of our time here. "If you need something, just say it, Yoongi. They're waiting for me," diretso kong sabi sa kaniya para matapos na. Nagtaas ako ng kilay para tantiyahin mula sa walang ekspresiyon niyang mukha kung ano ang sasabihin niya.

We stayed like that for another couple of minutes, he was just staring at me while I stared back. Nang mapagtanto kong wala siyang balak magsalita dahil nakatitig lang siya sa akin na para bang pinag-aaralan niya ang kabuuan ko ay dinampot ko nang muli ang tray at akmang aalis na nang sa wakas ay magsalita siya.

"I… I like you." He spilled blandly but too loud to reach my ears.

Kung hindi ko lang siya kilala baka isipin ko nang may gusto siyang mangyari sa pag-ko-confess niya ngayon. Imbis na magulat ay tinitigan ko lang siya. I stared at him lazily, too sucked up of everything. I just wanted tell him that I was tired of all this.

I couldn't even predict anymore what would happen to my life!

Only if I could just press 'pause' so that I could rest from everything for awhile. Sana lang may timeout, kahit saglit lang. Let me at least gather my sanity and replace them back since I felt like I was slowly losing pieces of it.

Gusto ako ni Min Yoongi ng BTS. It was like a missing puzzle piece—that finally fell into place to attest all that happened in between us before. Kung bakit niya ginawa sa akin ang mga iyon. Yes, a puzzle piece misplaced, not even an important piece. Kasi wala nang magbabago… lalo lang nakagulo.

"Yoongi, you can't like me," I blandly told him not in a convincing tone because I knew, he knew that. He knew that too well. Hindi ko na kailangan pang ipa-intindi dahil alam kong naiintindihan naman niya ang mga nangyayari.

He frustratedly nodded, his eyes tightly closed while pursing his lips hard. Isinuklay niya ang kamay sa itim niyang buhok saka marahang dumilat. Tumango-tango siya nang tipong alam na alam niya ang bagay na iyon. Just as I expected.

"I know, I know be-because of Jiminie," aniya sabay yuko.

Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya saka mahigpit na napahawak ako sa tray na nasa mesa. Akala ko naiintindihan niyang hindi siya puwedeng magkagusto sa akin dahil kagaya ni Jimin, hindi kami puwede. It was very complicated! Pero isa rin sa mga rason iyon. He couldn't like me because of Jimin. But crap, there was a more valid reason than that!

"What? That's not what I meant!" I hissed in frustration. "I mean, you can't like me, Yoongi, just like how Jimin can't like me too. People will hate me even more," dagdag ko sa nahihirapang tono dahil nakikita ko na ang kalalabasan ng lahat kung sakali mang ipipilit niya ang nararamdaman niya. Kay Jimin pa nga lang nagdudusa na ako sa mga posibleng mangyari kapag nalaman ng lahat ang kung anong mayroon kami, tapos isa pa itong asukal sa puting lalaking ito.

Really. I couldn't afford another issue.

"Tss. I just want you to know how I feel. I like you and I know that I can't have you," he said, sounding exasperated and very tired. Tumayo siya ng maayos at nakabusangot na tinalikuran ako.

Nagtataka man ay hinayaan ko na siyang maglakad pabalik sa sala habang iniisip na sana ay hindi ko siya nasaktan.

I'm sorry, Yoongi but my life's already too complicated, getting you involved will only make things worst for all of us.

Dinampot ko nang muli ang tray at bumalik na rin sa sala. Naabutan ko silang nilalantakan na iyong isang box ng pizza na dala nila. Si Jungkook ang naunang kumuha ng shot glass pagkalapag ko pa lang ng tray na umani ng masasamang tingin mula sa mga nakakatandang miyembro. Jungkook just grinned at them.

Mukhang balak nilang magpaka-wasted ngayong gabi. They started doing drink shots. Sinimulan na rin nilang lantakan ang mga fried chickens. Hindi ko mapagilang ngumiti lalo na at bumabalik sa akin ang mga ganitong ala-ala namin noon sa living room ng bahay nila sa Seoul.

We would eat together at the living room while watching television. I wouldn't mention that Jungkook and Taehyung would always play around like children because technically, they were the youngest.

Nakaka-miss din pala ang maging ganito ulit kasama sila. I felt like I was back to the old days.

"Yah, Hanselle-ssi! You can't drink too much. You can have this juice instead," sabi sa akin ni Namjoon sabay abot ng isang lata ng pineapple drink nang dumampot ako ng isang shot glass sa tray.

"I can handle my alcohol tolerance, Joonie," natatawang sabi ko dahil nandiyan na naman sila sa pagbabawal sa aking uminom. Alam nilang umiinom ako pero mananatili silang mahigpit sa akin.

Crap, did they really think that I was someone who always needed protection? I could handle myself!

Nilingon ni Namjoon sina Jin at Yoongi na para bang kailangan niya ang permiso ng mga ito na hayaan ako. Tig-isang iling ang natanggap niya sa mga ito na nagpasimangot sa akin. Kasunod niyang binalingan si Jimin para humingi rin ng permiso.

Ngumuso ako nang mahanap ni Jimin ang mga mata ko bago ako ngumiti ng matamis sa kaniya para payagan akong uminom, sana tumalab dahil unfair kung sila lang ang iinom!

Jimin then sighed in defeat as he turned again to Namjoon before he slowly nodded.

"Just let her. I will handle her later," ani Jimin. Mukhang sinadya niya ang pagsasalita sa ingles para maintindihan ko at malaman kong pinapayagan niya ako.

Lumapad ang ngiti ko at inignora ang inaabot na pineapple juice ni Namjoon. I then poured a beer on my shot glass. Itinaas ko ito at ipinag-untog sa baso ni Hoseok na nasa kanan ko at busy rin sa inumin niya. "Cheers!" I chuckled before taking the content in one gulp. Napangiwi ako nang lumapat ang pait ng inumin sa lalamunan ko.

"Woah! Misseu! You really can drink!" Hoseok told me, fascinated.

"Of course! I'm a 21st century girl, Hobi!" I proudly answered as I burped a little due to the little amount of beer I drank. Nakita ko si Jimin na nagpipigil ng ngiti habang pahapyaw na umiinom sa bote ng beer na hawak niya. He just sat across me on the carpeted floor and even with the coffee table in between us, I could still see the gleam through his pair of glassy circles.

What? No one's restricting you from smiling. Don't deprive me of your sweet smile, Jimin.

"Fine, fine. I'll just watch over the two of you," pagsuko ni Namjoon na nagpatawa sa lahat. He even pointed me before pointing Jungkook.

I submissively nodded only to reassure him but Jungkook frowned in complaint.

"Yah! I can handle myself too!" pagdadabog ni Jungkook, maybe too caught up by Namjoon speaking English.

Ginulo lang ni Hoseok ang buhok niya at nagtawanan na naman sila. Hindi ko napigilang makitawa na rin nang makita ko ang napaka-cute na mukha ni Jungkook.

Well, Kook. They still think of you as their baby. A cry baby at that.

Habang nagkakatuwaan sila, they were filming anyway, anila ay para raw sa mga fans nila iyon, ay tumayo na lang muna ako para lumayo sa kanila dahil ayaw ko namang mapasama sa filming nila. Dala ang isang bote ng beer ay nagtungo ako sa balcony ng living room. I immediately inhaled the fresh cold air as I stepped a foot on the marbled floor.

Muli na naman akong namangha sa mga ilaw sa ibaba. I would never get bored of this kind of views, it felt like the lights from those cars reflected the gleam in my eyes. Sunod ay nag-angat ako ng tingin at natoon ang mga mata ko sa billboard kung nasaan ang larawan nina Jimin at Sally.

They really looked perfect with each other, but then, perfect doesn't always mean real, because it doesn't exist. Kaya't hanggang sa mga larawan na lang sila. They were not real because if they were, then BTS wouldn't be here with me now.

Hindi ko makikitang muli ang kislap sa mga mata ni Jimin kung totoo mang may relasyon sila ni Sally. He wouldn't stalk me, he wouldn't risk his life and career for me, he wouldn't kiss me and he wouldn't beg and cry in front of me.

Hindi sila totoo. I was so stupid to even believe it! I was so stupid for leaving him just because they looked good together on that show! I was so stupid for even trying to let him go when I knew all alone that I loved him so much!

"Can you trust me?"

Halos mapatalon ako sa gulat nang may isang palad ang tumakip sa mga mata ko kasabay nang panonoot ng pamilyar na bango sa ilong ko. Sweet and minty scent, so Jimin's addicting scent. Ang malamig at banayad niyang tinig ay nanoot sa pandinig ko.

Marahang hinawakan ko ang kamay niyang tumatakip sa mga mata at bahagyang pinisil bago dahan-dahang inalis. Sumandal ako sa railings at hinarap siya, nasurpresa pa ako sa lapit naming dalawa. My elbows prompted on the railings behind me while holding the bottle of beer in both of my hands. Kung hindi lang dahil sa beer ay magdidikit na ang mga katawan namin.

It was really so hard for me to retrieve my calm breathing every time he was just standing right in front of me, catering the perfection that was made to always bring me to my most desperate state.

He softly stared down at me with those lonely eyes. Again, when would the real and genuine gleam of those eyes would come back? Kung ganoon, ano ang kislap na nakita ko sa mga mata niya kanina? Bakit malungkot na naman ang mga mata niya? Was I really making things hard for him? Was I the reason of his lonely and sad eyes?

Could I just kiss those sadness away then?

"You are really scary," aniya na nagpakunot ng noo ko. Tumingala siya at bumuntong-hininga na para bang hirap na hirap na siya sa kung anumang pinagdaraanan niya. When his eyes met my eyes again, they were already filled with unshed tears.

For the second time, nakita ko na naman ang side niyang ito. Too vulnerable, too soft, too precious, and too fragile. I just wanted to protect him every time he was like this… lalo na at ako ang dahilan ng kalungkutan sa mga mata niya.

Again, I asked myself… what could make Jimin of BTS cry? I was certain with the answer. Matagal na niyang ipinakita sa akin ang sagot.  It was me. It would always be me.

Now, I should ask, what did he fear the most?

"I don't know what is in your mind always. I am afraid you are thinking of letting me go and running away from me again," seryoso niyang sabi sa napapaos na tinig, yumuko siya para kunin ang beer na nasa kamay ko at inilapag sa ibabaw ng railings.

Hinayaan kong hawakan niya ang mga kamay ko at bahagyang pinisil. Amoy na amoy ko ang alak sa bibig niya dahil sa lapit namin sa isa't isa. My heart was both aching and beating because of him.

And I was again the answer for that question. He was afraid of losing me. At napakasuwerte ko kasi sa akin niya nararamdaman iyon. I couldn't even afford to think of any other girl he would get crazy for!

No, not Sally and not anyone else.

"Can you trust me?" he asked me again just as he raised his gaze back to me.

Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi ko at nanatili pa ring tahimik, abala sa bilis ng tibok ng puso ko at sa pagtitig sa guwapo niyang mukha. He already did all the efforts. He flew over here from Korea only for me. He even set aside his career only for me.

What efforts did I ever do for him? Efforts… hurt him? Push him away? Escape from him? Give up on him? Make him cry, worst of all?

Crap you, Hanselle! How could you stupidly let go of your once in a lifetime?! Of your once in a blue moon?! Of your rarely?! Of this precious man?! Of your beautiful dream? My inner Goddess scolded me.

He caressed my hands ever so lightly that once again picked a painful spot in my heart. Bakit kahit sinasaktan ko na siya, nandito pa rin siya at handang magmakaawang huwag ko siyang bitawan? Was this how Park Jimin fell in love?

Too sacrificial and unconditional. I didn't even know if I was worth it.

"Misseu, I can fight for us. People don't have a say to what we have. I only want you. Only you matter for me." His voice sounded raspy yet so soft while begging for me and his eyes were pleading with those unshed tears.

My heart wasn't taking it all.

Again, what could make Jimin beg?

I clenched my teeth so hard to stop my lips from quivering because of a sob that wanted to escape from my throat. Nakaka-iyak ang sobrang pagmamahal ni Jimin na gusto ko na lang siyang yakapin ng sobrang higpit para mabawasan ang sakit na dulot ko sa kaniya.

If ever… if I had ever pledged not to accept this man ever again, then I was taking it back. If I had ever promised to move on from him, then I was breaking it off. If I had ever said that I would take this man out of my life, then I was regretting it already.

Crap, I couldn't let him go! Mahal na mahal ko siya!

"Misseu, jebbal, don't let me go. Saranghaeyo…" He trailed off because of the sob that managed to escape from his mouth.

Binawi ko ang mga kamay ko mula sa kaniya at dinala ang mga ito sa pisngi niya. I gently cradled his face with my palms and stared directly at his tearing eyes. Despite of the unshed tears, his eyes still were the most beautiful for me I smiled genuinely at him just as my eyes started watering too.

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya dahil doon. "Misseu!" he exclaimed under my touch.

Umiling ako para iparating sa kaniyang wala siyang dapat ipag-alala. I was tearing up because of so much emotions. Overwhelming emotions. Naiiyak ako dahil masyado akong masaya. His love was too overwhelming. His love was making me very emotional.

"I'm sorry…" I trailed off. Medyo natawa pa ako kasi ganito rin siya kanina.

He just watched me cutely with his puffy eyes and protruded lips. Nakanguso siya dahil pinipigilan niyang humikbi.

"I'm sorry if I tried to push you away. I'm sorry if I tried to give you up. I'm sorry if I tried to let you go. I'm sorry if I was just too coward to face everything. I-I'm so sorry." Pumikit ako at hindi na napigilan pa ang ilang hikbing kumawala sa bibig ko. I covered my mouth with my hands and looked down. Tahimik akong umiyak, hinayaan kong tuluyan nang maglandas ang mga luhang kanina lang ay pumupuno sa mga mata ko at pinakawalan ang mga hikbing nagpapasakit sa lalamunan ko.

"Misseu," Jimin uttered, his voice was so soft. I felt him push some strands of my hair to my back and lift my chin for me to look up at him. "You are beautiful at everything you do but please don't cry, I hate to see you cry."