Chapter Forty-seven

Spending my one day-off with these guys wasn't really that bad. Puwede naman akong manood ng K-Drama sa ibang araw since hindi naman mawawala ang mga iyon pero ang makasama ang BTS, ang makasama si Jimin, though it was like betraying myself all over again, it was just a once in a lifetime because, because still nothing changed.

Jimin still was my once in a lifetime. He still was my once in a blue moon. My rarely. My impossible. My beautiful dream.

Matapos nilang sumayaw sa harap ko ay pagod silang nagsibagsakan sa carpeted floor ng living room. Though Taehyung still managed to go near me and rest beside me, his head leaning preciously on my shoulder. Kahit na pawisan siya ay nanuot pa rin sa ilong ko ang matamis niyang amoy, he still smelled like the sweetest chocolate I had ever tasted.

Na-miss ko rin ang pagiging clingy ni Taehyung, iyong gagawin talaga niya ang lahat para lang makapuwesto siya sa tabi ko. I remembered before, he would really pick a fight with Jimin or Jungkook just to win the space beside me every meal time. They would always play rock-paper-scissor to win anything that regarded me, such babies.

Only if I could adopt him and register him as my baby brother, albeit our age gap, I would cross it.

"Ah, jeongmal bogoshipo, misseu!" He breathed beside me, chest moving rapidly up and down as sweat on his forehead streaming all over his face and neck.

Hindi ko napigilan ang mapangiti ng malapad saka ko ginulo ang buhok niya. "I missed you too, Taehyungie."

Sa tingin ko nga ay bagong choreography ang ipinakita nila sa akin dahil hindi ko pa nakikitang sinayaw nila iyon. Balita ko rin kasi ay malapit na ang comeback nila. Suwerte ko lang dahil napanood ko na ang choreography nang hindi pa ito nai-ri-release. Well, should I say, perks?

Ilang sandali lang ng pagpapahinga nila ay bumalik na naman sila sa pagiging extra. I could really film them right now and send it to Holly to make it up to her. Paniguradong buong buhay niya akong pasasalamatan.

Now that I thought of it, Holly was the sole reason why I had come to idolize BTS. Sa kaniya ko unang nakilala ang BTS, dahil sa pagiging hard stan niya, dahil sa sobrang kabaliwan niya ay nakilala ko ang BTS. I remembered, I didn't like their songs that much. Sa tuwing nagkakaroon kasi ng family celebration sa bahay noon at umuuwi ako ay hindi mawawala ang mga kantahan ng BTS.

My parents were just too oblivious to even mind the songs dahil madalas ay hindi sila nakikisali at kausap lang ang mga Tito at Tita ko sa living room. My brother was too busy with his own while my cousins were also liking it and I didn't get along with them very well. I started giving interests to the BTS when my sister played one of their music video and when I had watched them all dance and sing.

Really, it wasn't hard to ignore such talents. Talagang worth it silang paglaanan ng oras at effort.

"Ah hyung!" wika ni Jimin sa gitna nang pagbubugbugan nina Joon at Jin. The two stopped and stared at him curiously. Kahit ako ay nagtatakang napapatitig na rin sa kaniya dahil sa pagputol niya sa daloy ng isipan ko.

"Aren't we going to give her the shoes?" wika niyang muli. He suddenly looked too excited and sounded so intrigued as he shortly glanced at me with those pair of gleaming eyes before looking back at the two older guys.

Maging ang ibang miyembro ay natigilan na rin. Taehyung beside me stayed laying on my shoulder though, too comfortable to even move a muscle or maybe, he was still tired.

"Ah, right!" ani Namjoon at masaya akong nilingon na nagbigay sa akin ng ideyang ako ang pinag-uusapan nila.

Pinagtaasan ko lang siya ng kilay, clueless sa mga pinagsasabi nila. Ang ibang miyembro ay mukhang alam din ang sinabi ni Jimin kaya't nilingon din nila ako nang pare-parehong mga nakangiti.

"Come, misseu!" Hoseok ran towards me while stretching his arms but even before he could reach me, Taehyung immediately got up from leaning on me as he blocked the older guy from my sight and excitedly held my hands. Malapad ang pagkakangiti ni Taehyung at tipong excited na excited. "Yah!" I heard Hoseok's voice from behind but Taehyung ignored him, like usual.

"We brought your shoes!" Taehyung giddily told me before pulling me up to make me stand. Parang hindi niya narinig si Hoseok. Not even noticing that I didn't understand him at all.

Nagtataka man ay nagpahila ako patayo sa kaniya. Nakita ko pang nakasimangot si Hoseok habang nakatingin ng masama kay Taehyung. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Jungkook clapping soundly while smiling widely. Jin and Yoongi both just stood there, looking at me excitedly too. Hindi ko alam kung ano na naman ba itong binabalak nila. They all smiled idiotically at me and I really felt so out of place. Kung sana ay may matinong tao man lang sa kanila na magpapa-intindi sa akin ng mga nangyayari.

In just a nano second, their leader disappeared from beside Jin to one of the rooms. Sana lang ay wala silang binabalak na hindi ko magugustuhan. It was so hard to keep up with them since I couldn't understand them.

Jimin slowly walked towards me and stood behind me. With that simple movement, my heart went wild, running again its feast. Alam kasi nitong nasa tabi ko lang ang lalaking dahilan kung bakit ito tumitibok... abnormally.

"Yah, Taehyung-ah!" Jimin called Taehyung in a high voice.

"Mwo?" Taehyung innocently said.

"You can now let go of her hands. They are mine to hold," ani Jimin sa mariing tinig habang matalim ang titig kay Taehyung na nasa tabi ko at hawak pa rin ang kamay ko. For instance, I felt intimidated by the way he stared. Kahit hindi naman ako ng tinititigan niya ay nakakapanlambot pa rin lalo na at hindi naman talaga ako sanay na ganoon ang mga mata niya. His eyes were naturally soft and mesmerizing.

Nilingon ko si Taehyung na kumukunot na ang noo sa sinabi ni Jimin bago bumaba ang tingin niya sa mga kamay kong hawak niya pa rin. Mayamaya ay ngumuso siya.

"I don't want to!" iling niya kay Jimin. He then stared at me and smiled widely, his boxy smile showing.

Nilingon ko si Jimin.

Mas lalong lumukot ang mukha niya dahil sa kung anumang sinabi ni Taehyung. He gritted his teeth. "Yah! She's my girlfriend!" he growled.

Nagulat ako nang maramdaman kong mas humigpit ang hawak ni Taehyung sa kamay ko. The other boys just silently watched them and I hoped that there was a considerate someone here that would seriously interpret to me everything. Kasi nakakabaliw pa rin pala talaga ang maipit sa kanila lalo na at kung anu-anong mga nakakabaliw na salita ang lumalabas sa mga bibig nila. Hindi pa nakatulong ang nakakatakot na anyo ni Jimin.

He looked like ready to beat the hell out of anyone, someone. I hoped, it wasn't me.

"She's our baby girl!" Taehyung then growled back. Malapit lang siya sa akin kaya dinig na dinig ko ang lalim ng boses niya. He maybe very soft, too soft actually, but he had the deepest voice among his friends. Siya iyong tipo ng taong sobrang masayahin pero hindi mo gugustuhing galitin.

Ow-kay... what was happening? Base sa mga nagtataasang boses nila, pakiramdam ko nag-aaway sila. And to confirm my assumption, Jin stepped in between them.

"That's enough. You can't fight in front of Hanselle," ani Jin sabay abot sa kamay ko mula kay Taehyung at hinila ako palayo sa dalawa. Medyo nagulat pa ako nang marinig kong banggitin ni Jin ang pangalan ko. Natahimik sina Jimin at Taehyung dahil sa ginawa niya. Maybe, they really took in Jin's words since he was the oldest.

"Don't mind them. They're just playing," Jin told me, filling up my confused mind. Playing? Halos magsigawan na sila sa harap ko tapos naglalaro lang pala sila? Anong laro naman?

Naputol lang ang nakakalokong atmospera nang lumabas si Namjoon mula sa silid na pinasukan niya. He smiled widely, nonchalant of the tension and was holding a rectangular box, shoe box I might say.

Agad siyang dumiretso sa akin. "Charan!" he excitedly said, stretching both of his arms to show me the box.

"What's that?" I asked, confused. Nakatitig lang ako sa hawak niyang box habang iniisip ko kung anong laman noon kahit na halata namang sapatos ang laman.

Binuksan niya ang box at inilabasa mula roon ang pares ng pamilyar na converse high. Like I expected, but the less was, I didn't expect it to be this... pair of shoes.

"That's..." I trailed off, blinking.

"Your shoes," ani Jin, ipinagpatuloy ang sinasabi ko.

Ngumuso ako, nanatiling nakatitig sa pares ng sapatos. It was my mint green converse high. The pair of shoes I was wearing when I first stepped in their house. Naiwan ko ang mga iyon sa kanila noong naglayas-umalis ako sa bahay nila dahil iyong puting converse shoes ko lang ang nadala ko paalis. I never thought that they would bring it here. Kasi hindi ko naman na ito naalala. It was just one of my converse highs.

"Actually, you really didn't have to bring it," sabi ko habang iniisip ang mga ala-alang nakakabit sa pares ng sapatos kong iyon.

"Waeyo?" takang tanong ni Namjoon, ang mga kilay ay nagsasalubong.

I might not see it as a special item since I had lots of it but maybe them... maybe they put a special something to it. Ito iyong dahilan kung bakit mukha silang mga excited kanina. They wanted me to be happy about the fact that they brought it back to me.

Unti-unti kong pinalaya ang matamis na ngiti sa mga labi ko. "Uh, nothing. Anyway, thanks!" I beamed at Namjoon. Pinanood ko nang dahan-dahan siyang lumuhod sa harap ko kasama ang box bago niya ako tiningala.

"Wear this," aniyang nakangiti, ang malalim na biloy sa kaliwang pisngi niya ay sobrang ganda.

Mabuti na rin sigurong naka-tsinelas lang ako. I stepped my feet out of my slippers and slid in those shoes. Si Namjoon na rin ang nagtali ng laces para sa akin habang napansin kong dinadampot naman ni Jimin ang mga tsinelas ko.

Mas lumapad pang lalo ang ngiti ko. I was like going back to the old times, where in I was still living with them. Siguro nga, kung bibigyan akong muli ng pagkakataong ulitin ang lahat, sila... sila at sila pa rin ang pipiliin kong makasama. Sa kanila ko pa rin pipiliing makulong, dahil para ako sa kanila, they might not be for me, still, I would always belonged to BTS.

At heto ako ngayon... Namjoon or RM as he was mostly known, the leader of BTS tied the lace of my shoes. Just how many fans would be jealous of me? I wouldn't include that Jin cooked a breakfast for me. Jungkook had been calling me noona, made me a heart-shaped omelette, Jimin gave me a ring and the other BTS members were here with me.

I wouldn't even bet, I would probably lose. People would really hate me.

Nag-thank you ako kay Namjoon pagkatapos at nang makatayo na siya sa harap ko na may malapad pa ring ngiti sa mga labi.

"You still have your stuff in the house, I think they belong there," he told me. Nagsitanguan ang iba sa sinabi niya.

"They can stay there but..." Nilingon ko si Jungkook. "My polaroid," I said.

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya na tipong may napagtanto. "Ah! We l-left it," aniya habang yumuyuko.

Nasa ganoon kaming sitwasyon nang tumunog ang phone ko na nasa belly pocket ng suot kong jumper. I fished it out. I immediately signaled them to stay quiet when I saw the caller ID. I then swiped the screen to answer the call.

"Hm, Kuya," bungad ko sa kabilang linya.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit siya tumatawag. We hadn't talked since the happenings in Seoul, since we fought and I didn't expect him to talk to me also after all that happened. Hindi ko rin naman kayang kausapin siya dahil natatakot akong mag-away lang kaming ulit.

I didn't want to fight with my brother again.

["Where are you? Day off mo, 'di ba? Bakit wala ka sa bahay mo?"] Kuya Haynes' stiff and cold voice never failed to give me goosebumps though he wasn't in sight. Hindi pa nakatulong na kasama ko ngayon ang BTS.

It was still very clear and fresh to my mind how he dissed these guys. Kung paano niyang nilait ang estado ng buhay ng mga ito at hindi ko pa rin siya napapatawad doon pero may kasalanan din naman ako, naging masyado akong pasaway. I never used to fight back to him but I did, for these guys, for Jimin. Dahil bulag ako sa pagmamahal noon, very immature and stupid.

"I'm out. How did you know by the way that I'm not home?" Kumunot ang noo ko habang mas humihigpit ang hawak ko sa phone ko samantalang nananatiling tahimik ang BTS at mataman akong pinapanood.

["I'm outside your house,"] simple niyang sagot na nagpagulat sa akin.

"Ano?! Anong ginagawa mo riyan, Kuya?!" I exclaimed. Tumaas ang tono ng boses ko at wala sa sariling nilingon ang kinaroroonan ng pinto. Agad na bumundol ang takot sa puso ko para sa mga puwedeng mangyari oras na malaman niyang nandito ang BTS sa bansa at nandito ako kasama sila!

My brother had never paid me a surprise visit. He wouldn't even go to my house due to his tight schedule though he would sometimes give me calls to check on me. Bakit biglaan naman ata?

["I'm paying my sister a visit. Bakit parang gulat na gulat ka? Nasaan ka? Go back now. I still have things to do,"] Kuya Haynes sternly said.

Napakagat-labi ako habang inililibot sa mga lalaking nasa harap ko ang paningin ko. They were all staring confusedly at me. Maging si Jimin ay kunot ang noo.

Crap!

Mas lalong kumalabog ang dibdib ko sa takot para kay Jimin. Hindi maganda kung malalaman ni Kuya na nandito sila! My brother could be very influential and powerful if he wanted to!

"Fine, fine. I'll be there in five minutes," sagot ko kay Kuya ngunit nanatiling na kay Jimin ang mga mata ko.

The confusion shading his eyes was also shaking my heart. If only I could hold his face and assure him that everything would be fine. Pero sinong niloko ko? Hindi na puwede iyon dahil pinakawalan ko na siya. In this life, I should go on without him. I should...

["You should be,"]" ani Kuya sa tonong nang-o-obliga bago ko marinig ang ilang tunog... hanging tone at that. Binabaan na naman niya ako nang hindi man lang nagpapaalam.

Ibinalik ko na ang phone ko sa bulsa ko habang humuhugot ng malalim na buntong-hininga. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kinaroroonan ni Jimin para lang mapakalma ang takot at iba pang emosyong lumulukob sa dibdib ko.

"I need to go. My brother's waiting outside my house," sabi ko sa kanila.

"Your... your b-brother?" Jimin uttered in a low yet stern voice.

Hindi ko tuloy napigilang sulyapan siyang muli dahil sa diin ng boses niya. Nakita ko ang pagbabago ng mukha niya. He had his full plump lips slightly parted and his small pair of beautiful eyes went unfocused. I saw how he tightly held my pair of flip-flops in his hand, how his arms corded and tensed.

"Yes. My brother," sagot ko na nagpabagsak ng mga mata niya sa sahig mula sa akin.

He looked too lost, too spent and too hopeless. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganoon ang reaksyon ni Jimin nang malamang si Kuya ang tumawag. But I really needed to go before my brother decided to call me again and make a fuss to me.

We were still not in good terms and I believed I should make it up to him.

Siguro ay si Kuya Haynes muna ang aasikasuhin ko ngayon. Marami kaming dapat pag-usapan. Ayaw kong manatiling mababa ang tingin ni Kuya sa mga taong ito. It would be very unfair for BTS to get judged without a proper basis. My brother was a natural frankly and judgemental person because he was a lawyer but that didn't give him the privilege to judge these people.

"Sure, Hanselle-ssi. We'll send you to the door," ani Namjoon saka ako marahang tinanguhan.

Hindi ko na muling nilingon si Jimin at nauna nang magtungo sa pinto. They all gave me sweet 'see yous' and hugged me one by one. When finally, it was Jimin's turn, my heart started going wild again just as his eyes once again nailed me on my ground.

Crap, heart, you should stay quiet or else, he'll hear you! Tahimik kong saway sa nag-iingay kong puso.

Masyado itong responsive pagdating kay Jimin na natatakot isiping baka kapag tuluyan na siyang nawala sa akin, my heart would never beat the same anymore.

Dahan-dahang lumapit sa akin si Jimin at habang pinapanood ko siyang putulin ang distansya sa pagitan namin, I mentally wished that everything would be so easy for us like how it was easy for me to wait for him till he reached me, because I was very willing to wait for him, for the right time only if we were not complicated.

When he stopped in front of me, his arms slowly and very gently found their way around me as he pulled me lightly, his one hand went to the small part of my back. Umangat naman ang isang kamay niya para hawiin ang buhok ko sa likod bago niya ibinaon ang mukha niya sa leeg ko.

I closed my eyes tightly, letting him hold my little frame to his bigger one as I felt his hot breath fanning the skin of my neck. Damang-dama ko rin ang init ng katawan niya sa katawan ko, amoy na amoy ko ang pamilyar niyang bango na agad na nanuot sa ilong ko at rinig-rinig ko ang mabilis at malakas na pintig na iyon na nagmumula sa dibdib niya.

Corresponding with the fast and irregular beats of my heart. His heart...

"I am already missing you..." He buried his face deeper on my neck as I felt him softly brush a kiss on my skin.

What are you doing, Jimin? Really? In front of your friends? Wala ka talagang balak na pakawalan ako. That's why you're making this hard for me. Kasi... kasi Jimin... iyong puso ko, handa na namang sumugal at handa na namang lumaban. Alam mo bang unti-unti na ring nagigiba ang itinayong depensa ng isipan ko? You're just too cruel, 'cause you know too much that you're the Emperor of my heart.

Hinawakan ko ang parehong gilid ng damit niya at mas hinila pa siya palapit sa akin. I then buried my face on his chest smelling much more his sweet scent and hearing more loudly and clearly the perfect syncing of his heart with mine.

Mas humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin na para bang gusto niyang iparamdam sa aking ayaw niya akong pakawalan.

Isa na lang, isa na lang talaga Jimin at kalilimutan ko na ang lahat ng ipinangako ko sa sarili ko. I'll really have broken promises... again. I'll again hope for this stupid love and will really gamble again this stupid heart of mine.

Nang pinakawalan niya ako ay hinawakan niya ang mga pisngi ko at binigyan ako ng isang marahan ngunit matagal na halik sa noo.

Mabilis akong pumihit paharap sa pinto para talikuran siya, para magawa kong lumabas ng bahay na ito nang hindi nagmama-akawa sa kaniyang iwan na ang lahat para sa akin, because I was greedy. In order for us to work out, he needed to choose. At hindi ko gustong papiliin siya. Yes, I was greedy but I was trying my best not to show him.

Hoseok silently opened the door for me as he sadly stared at me. Oh no, hindi bagay sa kaniya ang mga malulungkot na mga mata! He was a natural bubbly and funny person, his eyes only deserved sunshines and happiness!

I gave him a wide genuine smile and before I went out, I saw his eyes gleam.

That was what I was saying.

"Hanselle?"

Napatalon ako sa gulat sa harap ng nakapinid na pinto ng bahay ng BTSA nang marinig ko ang malalim na boses ni Kuya Haynes. Agad ko siyang nilingon para lang makitang kunot na kunot ang noo niya habang nakatitig sa akin. Nakatayo siya sa harap ng pinto ng bahay ko. He was in his usual formal getup that always intimidated me.

"Kuya!" I exclaimed, wide eyes since I just went out of BTS' house. Nagpabalik-balik ang tingin ko sa pinto at kay Kuya. Hindi naman siguro niya nakita ang loob ng bahay, hindi ba?

"What are you doing inside that house?!" sigaw niya sabay turo sa pinto.

Natatarantang nilapitan ko siya. "Kuya, let's talk i-inside..." Hindi ko na hinintay pang makasagot siya. I immediately encoded my door's combinations and opened the door. Sumunod siya sa akin papasok at isinara ang pinto. "What do you wanna drink?" I asked him casually the moment I closed the door behind us. Palihim akong bumuntong-hininga dahil muntik na iyon, muntik na talaga.

We couldn't stay outside dahil baka bigla na lang katukin ni Kuya ang kabilang bahay. Hindi puwede iyon. Ang pinakahuling gugustuhin kong mangyari ngayon ay ang magkita si Kuya Haynes at ang BTS.

"Sinong nakatira sa kabilang bahay? I didn't know you get along with your neighbors," aniya na mukhang walang balak palampasin ang nakita niya, alam niyang hindi ako nakikihalubilo sa ibang tao.

Hindi ko tuloy alam kung dapat ko bang ipagpasalamat na hindi niya nakita ang BTS. Did he even know BTS aside from Jimin? Of course, Holly was very bold when it came to her fan girling. Madalas umuwi si Kuya sa Valenzuela hindi tulad ko at alam din niya ang kabaliwan ni Holly sa mga ito. And he got Jimin investigated, right? So he probably knew more than just what was BTS.

Sinubukan kong pakalmahin ang sistema ko nang hinarap ko siya nang makarating kami sa living room. Pinaglaruan ko ang singsing na nasa daliri ko sa likod ko habang nag-iisip ng isasagot. Kinakabahan ako dahil sa presensya niya ngayon, lalo na at hindi pa rin kami bati.

What if he found out that Jimin was here in the Philippines? Hindi maganda iyon. Hindi gusto niya si Jimin. And what was he even doing here in my house? It was not more likely for him to visit me...

"Uh, just someone I know. O-Of course, Kuya! Kailangan kong pakisamahan ang mga ka-kapitbahay ko!" sagot ko sabay iwas ng tingin. I just hoped it didn't sound too defensive though. Kilala ko si Kuya. He was a lawyer. He knew what was a lie and what was not. In my case, I thought, I didn't say a lie to him. I couldn't just tell him who owned the house.

Pinaningkitan niya ako ng mga mata na tipong tinatantiya ang sagot ko. For once, I seriously wished I could read minds so I could trespass into his mind to know what he was thinking, from the reason why he was here to what he could probably thinking right now. And I knew, it was hopeless. Kung mayroon mang taong mahirap basahin, si Kuya Haynes iyon.

"Kuya, why are you here really?" untag ko sa kaniya para subukang ilihis ang usapan.

Tumikhim siya saka pormal na na-upo sa single couch na nasa likod lang niya. Napagtanto yata niyang mas mabuting mag-usap nang naka-upo. Saglit kong pinagalitan sa isip ang sarili ko dahil sa katangahang iyon. Natataranta kasi ako ngayong nandito siya at nasa kabilang bahay lang ang BTS!

Ni hindi ko man lang siya naimbitahang maupo muna!

"Get me a cup of coffee first," utos niya bago prenteng sumandal sa couch back rest, ang mga binti ay mahinhing naka-ekis. Sa hitsura niya ngayon sa couch ko, para siyang business man na may ipinuntang business proposal para i-alok sa akin. He looked too intimidating and too formal for me. Kahit sa tuwing nagkakaroon ng mga family bonding sa bahay ay ganito siya palagi. He would always make the atmosphere like in a business whatsoever.

Si Papang ay hindi naman ganyan ka-pormal sa kaniya.

Ngumuso ako nang maalala ang mga klase ng kapeng nasa kusina ko. I didn't know if it would be fine for him. I could only imagine his secretary making brewed coffee for him. But then, anong magagawa ko? Hindi siya nagsabing darating siya! Sana ay nakapag-order ako ng kapeng maiinom namin!

"Are you okay with i-instant?" I hesitantly asked him. Iyon lang kasi ang mayroon ako dahil hindi naman ako marunong magtimpla ng kape. Hindi ko tuloy mapigilang ngumiti nang maalala ko ang failed attempt kong paggawa ng coffee para sa BTS noon.

I had learned from that, okay? Ipinangako ko sa sarili kong hindi ko na iyon uulitin. It was a failure!

Ang malakas niyang pagtikhim ang humugot sa akin mula sa pag-re-reminisce ng nakakatawang ala-alang iyon. Nakita ko ang kunot niyang noo na tipong naguguluhan sa sinabi ko. "Instant?" he asked back, confused.

"I mean, instant. Lalagyan ko na lang ng hot water kasi mixed na siya..." I trailed off as I hardly pursed my lips, unsure if I should further explain it to him. What did he know about instant coffees when he only drank brewed coffees?

"Whatever. I prefer black coffee anyway," aniya sa tonong dini-dismiss na niya ako.

"But Kuya, I only have one kind," alinlangan kong sabi dahil iisang brand at flavor lang naman ang naka-stock sa kusina ko dahil iyon ang madalas kong inumin. Cappuccino pa ang flavor, malayong-malayo sa black coffee na hinihingi niya.

Nahihiya akong malaman niya na ganito ako rito sa bahay. I didn't have visitors that I could offer coffees to. Si Mamang lang naman ang madalas bumisita rito sa bahay. And she didn't drink coffee.

"Ano na naman ba, Hanselle? You don't have coffee but you have instant? You don't have black but you have one kind? Tinitipid mo na naman ba ang sarili mo? You have cards from our parents, don't say you're penniless," inis na sabi niya na lukot-lukot ang mukha. Halatang hindi niya nga naiintindihan ang ibig kong sabihin.

"But I really don't use my car-"

"Tss. Just bring me anything then," putol niya sa sinasabi ko at itinuon na ang atensyon sa phone niya na para bang ayaw na niyang maka-usap pa ako.

Bumuntong-hininga ako at kahit wala na sa akin ang atensyon niya ay tumango ako bago magtungo sa kusina. Kumuha ako ng isang sachet ng instant coffee sa cupboard at agad siyang tinimplahan ng kape. Iisang mixing ng coffee lang kasi ang iniinom ko, they call it '3in1' coffee here since it was a package already and I didn't drink black coffees.

Bumalik ako sa living room dala ang maliit na platito kung nasaan ang tasa ng kape niya. Naabutan ko siyang kinakalikot pa rin ang phone niya, kahit nang nilapag ko sa mesa ang tasa ay hindi pa siya natinag. He must have so much works to do.

Ilang minuto ang nakalipas hanggang sa may ala-alang pumasok sa isip ko. Wala akong pagkakataong tanungin si Chelsea kaya siguro ay ito na ang tamang pagkakataon para tanungin si Kuya.

"Kuya, I saw you with Chelsea days ago. Anong mayroon sa inyo?" I broke into him. I made him coffee but after one sip, he never touched it again. Hindi niya yata nagustuhan. What could I expect from him? Ni hindi niya nga alam ang eksistensiya ng instant coffee.

Mula sa pagkakalikot sa phone niya ay naagaw ko ang atensyon niya. Kanina pa siya busy at pangiti-ngiti roon. Akala ko ay binisita niya ako dahil may sasabihin siya sa akin.

"She's my girlfriend," simple niyang sagot na nagpanganga na naman sa akin. He didn't even think about it! Pero bakit walang nababanggit sa akin si Chelsea?! She was dating my brother and I thought, I should know about it!

"Pero Kuya, kailan pa?!" Tumayo ako sa pagkaka-upo dahil sa gulat dahil hindi ko iyon inaasahan. Naisip kong baka magkakilala lang sila at nagkita lang kaya sila magkasama noon!

Ayaw ko namang isisi kay Chelsea ito dahil hindi naman ako nagtatanong sa kaniya. Isa pa, ngayon ko na lang ulit naalala ang tungkol dito. Seriously, ganoon na ba karami ang nangyari sa tatlong buwan kong pagkawala noon?!

"Huwag kang sumigaw, Hanselle. Hindi ako bingi." Itinoon na niya ang buong atensyon sa akin ngunit nanatiling hawak niya ang phone niya. And how could he really stay calm when I wasn't anything but a raging volcano ready to explode? He was dating my friend and I wasn't aware of it! I needed at least to know when did it start!

"Pero Kuya, kaibigan ko si Chelsea. Gaano na kayo katagal magkakilala?" muli kong untag para maibsan ang gulong nasa isipan ko. It was too shocking, to be very honest. I wouldn't probably get over it.

Prente siyang sumandal at tinitigan ako. His intimidating eyes-na katulad lang naman ng sa kay Papang-were once again putting me in a frenzy. My father and my brother had the same eyes but it scared me to stare at my brother's circles because of the way he stared at me. Si Papang ay hindi naman ganyan makatitig.

"Hindi ako pumunta rito para sa bagay na iyan, Hanselle," seryoso niyang sabi na hindi man lang kumukurap.

Natahimik ako at unti-unting napayuko nang hindi ko na makayanan ang mga titig niya. I felt roasted, or I felt like I was about to get roasted. I was not really scared of Kuya, not that he would beat me, but I was scared of every word that would slip out of his mouth. Hindi pa ako nakaka-get over sa pinag-awayan namin sa Seoul noon, and I didn't think I could afford another argument about it.

Ipinagsalikop ko ang mga kamay kong nasa ibabaw ng mga hita ko nang maramdaman ko ang unti-unting panginginig ng mga ito. What if he would again try to diss Jimin, tell bad things about him and call him names? Hindi ko na yata kakayanin pa kapag ganoon.

Mahal ko si Kuya pero mahal ko rin si Jimin...

"I came here to warn you. Ayaw kong maulit pa ang nangyari sa Seoul, Hanselle. You don't deserve a man who only knows how to sing and dance on stage. You're a girl worth more than just a man like that. And I'm serious, Hanselle. I won't tell Mamang and Papang about what happened in there, in exchange, abide me. Para sa'yo naman ang lahat ng ito e," mahabang sabi ni Kuya Haynes habang nadudurog ang puso ko dahil sa mga salitang lumabas sa bibig niya.

Nanatili akong nakayuko at mahigpit na hawak ang mga kamay ko. A subtle part of my mind was somewhat agreeing to him because it was always practical but my heart was not in favor, never in favor. Anong klase ng lalaki ang tingin ni Kuya na babagay sa akin, when my heart knew all alone that Jimin was more than enough? What was so worst about a man who sings and dances? What was so bad about Jimin?

I maybe a gem... but Jimin was a star. Gems could easily be found but a star was out of reach. Kaya hindi puwedeng sabihin sa akin ni Kuya na hindi siya nararapat sa akin.

Mali e, maling-mali.

He deserved me, he deserved just everything in this world, he deserved the world. It was me, it was me who didn't deserve a man like him. Dahil may mga katulad ni Kuya sa buhay ko na madaling manghusga, and that I couldn't help beccause I loved my brother in spite of.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw him shift in his seat. Ibinaba niya ang phone niya sa mesa at napansin ko pa ang messaging format ng phone niya.

"Are you listening, Hanselle? I'm just protecting you. I want what's best for you and that man isn't exactly the best. You're just in love, that'll phase out. May mas makikilala ka pang mas higit pa sa kaniya, lalaking mas mamahalin mo kaysa sa lalaking iyon. You'll understand me someday." Dagdag niya pa na para bang alam na alam niya ang nararamdaman ko gayong hindi naman niya alam na wala na akong ibang mas mamahalin pa ng higit sa pagmamahal ko kay Jimin.

Lumipat siya sa long couch na inuupuan ko at tumabi sa akin ngunit nanatili akong tahimik dahil masyadong masakit ang dibdib ko at baka may masabi lang akong hindi maganda kapag binuksan ko ang bibig ko. Pagod na talaga ako para sa panibagong argument.

My heart ached even more when I felt his palms land softly on my arms before I felt him pull me lightly towards him. Marahan niyang itinulak ang ulo ko sa dibdib niya at hinaplos-haplos ang buhok ko na para bang alam niyang masama ang loob ko. That I needed the comfort because I was hurt, because he was hurting me.

"You know I always support you. You can't go over the board just because you always get what you want, Hanselle. You're my sister and I love you. I can't let you lead a wrong path anymore," he softly whispered as I felt him drop a soft and light kiss on my head.

Napapikit ako at kasabay noon ay ang paglandas ng mga masasaganang luha mula sa mga mata ko dulot ng halo-halong emosyon. Nagagalit ako kay Kuya, naiinis ako pero hindi ko rin maitatangging lumalambot ang puso ko. I pursed my lips to stop a sob and luckily, I succeeded.

I couldn't find Kuya's hug as a comfort, because my heart loathed to acknowledge all that he said. I knew... I knew that he only wanted what was best for me but I couldn't see as to why Jimin wasn't the best for me. I couldn't see as to why he didn't deserve me.

I just couldn't see...

Hindi lang pala ARMYs ang kalaban ko rito, maging pamilya ko rin pala. Kung si Kuya Haynes nga hindi gusto si Jimin, paano pa si Mamang at Papang? They would think I was ridiculous. They would think I was just fan girling.

Kahit nang umalis si Kuya Haynes at iwan ako ay sobrang bigat pa rin ng loob ko. Hindi ko dinadamdam na umalis siya at hind man lang pinangalatihan ang kapeng ginawa ko sa kaniya, hindi ko dinadamdam na umalis siyang hindi man lang ako binilinan ng ilang salita dahil naiintindihan ko. Pero nagdadamdam ako dahil sa mga huling salitang sinabi niya.

I can't let you lead a wrong path anymore.

I knew, my life had been misleading but I loved how it was because I knew nothing's perfect. Yes, I was leading a right path before but that was so boring!Ngayon ko nga lang nararamdaman ang ganitong klase ng buhay tapos ilalayo na agad sa akin.

I was already starting to get used to the spice and sweetness of this misleading life and above all, I couldn't let go of the people belonged to this path... even if I wanted, I knew I couldn't.

And was there even a way?

Ngumiti ako nang makita kong kumaway si Aly mula sa screen ng laptop ko. I was doing a video chat with her. Ako ang nag-initiate dahil mas marami akong vacant time ngayong araw kaysa sa kaniya. Na-isipan kong tawagan siya dahil masyado na akong nababagot dito sa bahay bukod sa gusto ko ring malaman kung kamusta na sila.

["Hi!"] bati niya sa akin saka kumaway pabalik. I saw her wearing the familiar pink bunny head band and the Bunnies' pair of uniform.

"Kamusta kayo riyan?" tanong ko.

["Okay naman! Hanselle!"] pabulong niyang tinawag ang pangalan ko. I just hoped I was not disturbing her work at Bunnies. Alas-dos pa lang sa Seoul kaya't nasa work pa siya.

"Yes?" natatawang tanong ko dahil sa biglaan niyang pagbabago ng tono.

She put one hand on the side of her mouth. ["How's the things between you and BTS?"] she whispered as she grinned at me knowingly.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. No way! Nakita ko ang mapaglarong ngiti niya. Really no way! She couldn't probably know that BTS was here!

["Of course, I know, Hanselle!"] natatawang sabi niya na para bang alam niya ang tumatakbo sa isip ko. ["Taehyung actually told me before they went there and he also sent me a photo just a while ago,"] dagdag pa niya.

"ALY! What's in between you and Taehyung?!" I exclaimed, surprised.

Ngumuso siya. ["I told you, I like him. I'm not saying that he feels the same way for me but I like what's in between us,"] she dreamily said, she sounded so contented and happy.

I wanted to protect her. I wanted her to take the opposite of the path I had taken but it seemed like she was already half way through, too late to step back now.

"Just... just d-don't get hurt," I told her. Pinilit kong lunukin ang barang nasa lalamunan ko at binigyan siya ng isang ngiti. Maybe yes, I couldn't stop her from sleeping... from idling and taking a nap and maybe yes again, Taehyung maybe wasn't the right Prince for her but then, Aly wasn't Princess Aurora of Sleeping Beauty and Taehyung wasn't a Prince.

They were simply just Aly and Taehyung. Two entirely different people from the Sleeping Beauty characters.

["If it's Taehyung, I think, it'll worth it,"] sabi niya, sinusuklay ang maiksi niyang buhok.

"Aly, don't do the same mistake I've done." I bit my lower lip.

["Kailan pa naging pagkakamali ang magmahal?"] seryoso niyang tanong.

Ilang minuto na simula nang matapos ang pag-uusap namin ni Aly pero paulit-ulit pa ring nag-pi-play sa utak ko ang sinabi niya... maging ang sinabi ni Kuya.

Kailan pa naging pagkakamali ang magmahal?

I can't let you lead a wrong path of life.

Humugot ako ng malalim na buntong-hininga, letting air from fresh air at the balcony soothed my skin. Mahigpit kong hinawakan ang railings habang pinapasaya ang mga mata ko sa ganda ng city lights.

Aly was right. Love is not a mistake. Getting hurt is not a mistake. That person is not a mistake. You can't really correct your heart for loving someone and for getting hurt because a beating heart will never be a mistake.

But Kuya Haynes was also right, in a different shade. Kuya Haynes took my life as misleading because he wasn't in favor of the way my life had turned. Tingin niya mali kasi hindi ito naaayon sa inaasahan niya.

And JM was not a mistake! He would never be a mistake. Crap, how fool of me to think that Jimin was my greatest mistake?! No! He was actually the very best thing that happened to me! And loving him was my escape from this harsh reality!

He was the best thing that ever happened to me!