Chapter Forty-five

"Hey! Are you freaking dating?!"

Halos mapatalon kami pareho ni James sa gulat dahil sa malakas na sigaw ni Chelsea habang tinatahak namin ang kahabaan ng lane patungo sa Coco Hut. James insisted to treat us and I thought, he was trying to bring us again to that restaurant. Well, aside kasi sa masarap ang mga pagkain doon at mura ay malapit lang ito sa office.

Hinawakan ko ng mahigpit ang kamay ni James kasabay nang pagtambol ng dibdib ko sa pinaghalong kaba at kahihiyan saka inignora si Chelsea. Kahit nang may pandidiri niyang tinignan ang magkahugpong naming kamay ni James ay hindi ko pa rin siya pinansin.

I needed to do this. Napaparoid na ako! Feeling ko nasa paligid lang si Jimin at naka-aligid sa akin! I was not assuming! I had been seeing his figure. Malabo namang dinadaya lang ako ng paningin ko. Kilala ko ang body frame niya plus, the frenzy in my heart was very familiar.

Iisang lalaki lang naman ang kayang dalhin sa kaguluhan ang puso ko e! He didn't really need to appear right in front of me! Right! I couldn't just expect him to easily accept my decision. I couldn't just expect him to easily follow what I wanted.

Nagawa nga niyang lumipad dito sa Pinas at iwan ang career niya para lang sundan ako rito. The more I needed to be out of his life. I was not healthy for him. Sinong matinong idol ang lilipad dito sa Pinas, with a lot of risk I might mention, para lang sa isang tao… isang babae?

Don't get flattered heart, stop fluttering, for crap's sake!

Hindi ako healthy sa kaniya! That guy!

"SERIOUSLY! This is crazy! Umamin nga kayo sa akin!" Mukhang hindi na napigilan ni Chelsea ang pang-i-ignore ko sa kaniya kaya't hindi pa man kami nakakarating sa restaurant, humarang na siya sa harap namin ni James at nameywang. She looked like she was ready to bomb us if we ever tell her lies. Para bang kailangan naming bigkasin ang mga salitang naglalaro sa isip niya ngayon, at parang alam ko na ang mga salitang gusto niyang marinig.

Knowing her, she never liked James' presence at all or even James alone.

Dahan-dahang inalis ni James ang kamay kong mahigpit na hawak ang kamay niya, bahagya pang pinisil ang akin bago tuluyang pakawalan.

Nagtatakang nilingon ko siya. I bit my lower lip as I saw his grieved expression, eyes shy and lips pursed. Naisip kong napakalaking kalokohan nitong ginagawa ko kaya agad na nilukob ng kahihiyan ang buong pagkatao ko nang mapagtantong napaka-immature ng skit na ginagawa ko.

Why did I need to use James just because my instinct was telling me that Jimin was just around and watching over me? Why James? Why did I have to? What did Jimin care? Would he even after what I told him last night?

Hindi gagawin ni Jimin iyon. Hindi siya mag-aaksaya ng oras dahil lang mahal niya ako. I believed he wasn't that stupid after all that I told him. And James, it would be very unfair for him! Sobrang dami na nga ng atraso ko sa kaniya dahil sa mga palihim kong pinag-iisip kapag kaharap ko siya.

Yumuko ako at humingi ng tawad kay James sa mahinang tinig. "I'm sorry…"

"Tss. Mabuti naman at nag-iisip ka pa rin ng matino, Hanselle. Tara na! Wait!" pagalit na sabi ni Chelsea. She then held my hand and pulled me beside her. "Huwag kayong magtabi!"

Naglakad na kaming muli patungo sa Coco Hut. Hindi ko na muling nilingon si James dahil nahihiya ako sa inasal ko. What if he didn't like it and was just too shy to tell it to me? Ayaw ko naman na ma-awkward siya sa akin! Ano ba kasing pumasok sa isipan ko?!

Nang pumunta si James sa counter para um-order ay kina-usap ako ni Chelsea. She was like a sister who was scolding her younger sister for doing something that didn't please her.

"Will you please stop acting that way to James? You're giving him false hopes! What if umasa iyon sa'yo?" galit na sabi niya.

Ngumuso ako. "Bakit naman siya aasa? Chels, walang gusto sa akin si James. You should stop thinking things," sagot ko sa kaniya. From outside the glass window of the restaurant, I could see again a posture of a man standing just behind a post.

What was he doing?! Ipinapahamak ba niya ang sarili niya?! Just, why was he so careless and dauntless?! Kapag may nakakilala sa kaniya sa ginagawa niyang iyan ay paniguradong pagkakaguluhan siya! That won't be good!

I bit my lower as I dragged my sight back to Chelsea who was still raging. Pinanlalakihan niya ako ng mga mata. She stared disbelievingly at me as if I was the most ridiculous person she had ever seen.

"Are you kidding me? You should stop being blind. Alam ng lahat sa office ang obvious na pagkagusto sa'yo ng dork na iyon!" She hissed at me.

I rolled my eyes at her. Hindi nila naiintindihan. Hindi ganoon si James. I was the only company he could think of that was why he was getting along with me. Isa pa, I didn't give malice about that.

"Chelsea, we're just friends. He's just naturally nice so stop putting malice about it," saway ko sa kaniya.

Inirapan niya lang ako at kinalikot na lang ang phone niya. Not a moment later, James came back with the foods while I was all uncomfortable with my heart drumming unbelievably because of the man in hoodie just outside the restaurant.

Natatakot ako sa ginagawa ng lalaking iyon, sa totoo lang. Could someone drag him back to Korea? To Sally, to be specific?

Where is manager Sejin and why can't he get a hold of one of his boys?!

Siguro ay dapat na akong masanay na gamitin ang kotse ko sa pagpasok. Kahit kailan ay hindi ko pinroblema ang paghihintay sa bus station. Lagi akong tahimik lang na naghihintay at walang reklamo. Masaya na rin akong nakatayo basta ba makasakay lang kahit na sobrang sikip ng bus at sobrang traffic.

Mariin akong napapikit nang mula sa peripheral vision ko ay nakita ko na naman ang pigura ng isang lalaki. Kanina ko pa siya napapansin, simula nang pumasok ako at hanggang ngayong pauwi na ako. Mukhang balak pa talaga akong bigyan ng problema ng lalaking iyon.

Anong tingin niya sa mga tao rito sa Pinas? Kagaya ng mga tao sa Korea? Kung iniisip niyang magagawa siyang iligtas ng simpleng mask and cap niya, isama na natin iyong itim niyang hoodie sa kainit-initan ng panahon dito sa Pinas, puwes nagkakamali siya.

Filipino people aren't stupid. Mas lalo silang maghihinala sa ayos niya.

Tingnan natin kung hanggang saan ang kaya niyang itagal. He started this. Imposibleng hindi niya pinag-isipan ang lahat ng ito bago siya sumuong.

Fine, Jimin. Let's play your game. I'm not really liking this stupid stalking escapade you're doing.

Nang dumating ang bus, as usual, unahan na naman. Muntik na nga akong hindi makasakay. Mabuti na lang at may mabait na lalaking humila sa akin para maka-akyat ako. Pares ng matitigas na mga palad ang humablot sa parehong braso ko kasabay ng paghila nito sa akin sa gitnang bahagi ng bus  At siguro, pinlano na ni Jimin ang lahat ng ito… because he happened to be the gentleman.

All sweet and minty scents again.

Nakatayo siya sa harap ko habang hawak ng mahigpit ang braso ko. His other hand stretched upward, holding the steel bar. Kilala ko. Kilalang-kilala ko ang mga matang iyon. Ang maliliit at singkit na mga matang hindi kailanman nabigo sa pagpapabilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Though they looked sad now, I couldn't deny the amusement through those circles bending in.

Crap! Park Jimin was in a public transportation here in the Philippines. That would be a trend tomorrow or over the night if people inside the bus would notice him.

I stared blankly at him while trying to silence my drumming heart because of our nearness. Kahit na kinakabahan ako ay pinilit ko pa ring itago sa blankong ekspresiyon ang nararamdaman ko. I hastily pulled my arm back from him and turned around. Pero dahil masyadong masikip ang bus, nahirapan akong umikot.

"Ano ba? Dahan-dahan naman!" inis na sabi ng babaeng nasa harap ko nang tamaan ito ng dala kong sling bag.

"I'm sorry. Sorry," hinging tawad ko ngunit umirap lang siya sa akin. I sighed exasperatedly. Sanay naman akong madalas na ganito ang sitwasyon sa bus pero bakit pakiramdam ko, napasikip ngayon? Bakit naiinis ako? Bakit… bakit hindi ako makahinga? Dahil ba sakay rin ng parehong bus si Jimin? Dahil ba nasa likod ko lang siya ngayon? Dahil ba ramdam na ramdam ko sa likod ko ang malapad niyang dibdib?

My heart wasn't functioning so well. Kasi sugatan pa rin ito. I didn't even know if there was a time for this to heal. At nakakabaliw lang kasi kahit na sugatan ito, nagagawa pa rin nitong magsaya para sa lalaking nasa likod ko.

Masikip ang bus kaya dikit na dikit ang likod ko sa dibdib niya. Buong oras sa biyahe ay tahimik lang ako. Nandiyang magpupunas ako ng pawis gamit ang panyo ko. I wondered how did he feel that he was covered with those disguises? Baka pawis na pawis at init na init na rin siya. Malamig ang Korea at paniguradong hindi sanay ang lalaking ito sa init na dala ng Pinas.

"Bes, kamukha niya si Jimin!"

Nagpanting ang mga tainga ko sa narinig ko. Napatingin ako sa tatlong babaeng naka-upo sa gilid namin ni Jimin. They were looking intently at Jimin, eyes both sparkling from their unproven suspicion.

Ito na nga ba ang sinasabi ko. If these people were smart enough, they would realize that they were really seeing Jimin, but if they were logical enough, they would suspect but never realize. Kasi iisipin nila kung bakit makikipagsisiksikan ang isang Korean idol sa bus?

I hoped, it would be the latter.

"Hala, oo nga 'te! Picture-an mo dali!" one of them said, tapping the other one. Naglabas ng phone ang isa sa kanila at agad na itinutok kay Jimin.

I immediately turned to Jimin. Nagulat pa ako nang makitang walang kamuwang-muwang lang siya nakatitig sa akin. Naka-stretch forward ang kamay niya para humawak sa steel bar sa taas, that was to both keep us on the ground.

God, Jimin. You're in big trouble and you could only do is to freaking stare at me?!

I didn't want to do this but… I needed to at least save him. I couldn't just watch him being oblivious of the trouble around him. I couldn't afford to get his career stain when it was the reason why we were both having to deal the life without each other.

Inangat ko ang kamay ko at maingat na dinala sa batok niya. I even flinched at the feeling of his soft and hot nape. Nanatili siyang nakatitig sa akin gamit pa rin ang malalamlam niyang singkit na mga mata.

"Are you tired? Sandal ka muna sa akin," sabi ko sa kaniya at hindi ko na hinintay pang makasagot siya. I softly pushed his head to my neck and let his face bury there. Hinaplos ko ang leeg niya na tipong pinapatulog siya. "Get a nap," dagdag ko pa.

Alam kong pagod siya dahil sa mga mata niyang mukhang babagsak na. Hindi ko alam kung buong araw ba niya akong sinundan at binantayan. Though if that was the case, then, did he even eat? Paano siya kumain? Delikado iyon ah!

Crap, Jimin. Pag-aalalahin mo pa yata ako.

The moment his face was buried deep my neck, the moment his hot breath fanned my skin, my heart went wild again. When would it ever stop? Seriously. My knees almost gave up when his arms slowly went snaking around my waist before gently pulling me towards him.

Mabilis lang niya akong nahila dahil sa panghihina ng mga tuhod ko kaya nakayakap na siya sa akin habang nakasubsob ang mukha niya sa leeg ko.

Crap, PDA ito!

Dito sa Pinas ay malaking big deal na ang mga ganitong kilos, pero wala na, wala na akong paki-alam kung anumang maging dating ng ginagawa namin sa iba dahil mas nangingibabaw ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko… o ng puso niya.

"Ayt, nandiyan pala iyong girlfriend…" I then heard the disappointed voice of one of the girls.

As much as I didn't want to do this because this might appear as a PDA, I couldn't think of any other way to save him. Isa pa, hindi ko naman puwedeng hayaan na lang siya. Hindi puwedeng malaman ng mga taong nandito siya sa Pinas.

"Bes, ganda ni Ate at saka ang sweet ah!"

"PDA kaya!"

"Pero seryoso, hawig talaga siya ni Jimin, 'no?"

"Medyo. Pero siyempre, mas guwapo si Jimin!"

Hindi ko na pinakinggan ang mga sinasabi nila. Tahimik ko na lang na pinanalanging sana ay makarating na kami sa istasyong bababaan ko. Hinayaan ko na lang din na nasa balikat ko ang ulo ni Jimin at yakap niya ako. I could even feel his hot breath fanning my skin and his arms tightly holding me.

"You still smell so good…"

Napa-igtad ako sa kiliting dulot ng mainit niyang hininga sa balat ng leeg ko nang magsalita siya pero hindi pa rin ako umimik.

I'm doing this 'cause I can't afford to watch you being crowded by people, Jimin. You're just unbelievable. I'm running away… and yet here you are, crossing boundaries just to chase me. Why are you doing this to me?!

Finally, nang tumigil ang bus sa istasyong bababaan ko ay nakahinga ako ng maluwag. Ikinagulat ko nang mag-angat siya ng tingin at dahan-dahan lumuwag ang pagkakayakap sa akin. Para bang alam na alam niyang bababa na ako. I just shook my head while following the other passengers unloading from the bus. I never looked back as I walked away from the station. Tinahak ko ang daan patungo sa Cyanth Towers, ang condominium na tinitirhan ko.

It was just a ten-minute walk from the bus station.

Maybe I expected less. Dapat ay inasahan ko nang hindi magiging madali ang pagtataboy ko kay Jimin. Alam kong mahal niya ako at naiintindihan kong ayaw niya akong mawala. But I really couldn't wait till he needed to weigh his career and me, I couldn't wait to know how big the space of his career in his heart. Kasi masasaktan ako.

I could feel him following me, still. Gusto ko… gusto ko siyang lingunin. Gusto kong hawakan niya ang kamay ko at sabay kaming maglakad kasi miss na miss ko na siya pero kasi, kapag ginawa ko iyon ay para ko na ring kinain ang lahat ng sinabi ko sa kaniya kagabi. Para ko na ring binalewala ang mga sakit na naramdaman ko nang pinagtabuyan ko siya kagabi.

Hindi ko alam kung hanggang saan niya ako balak sundan. He must be really fearless.

Walking here…? Tss, so Jimin style. Kahit naman noong nasa Seoul pa kami. He wasn't afraid to visit Bunnies just to see me.

Bumagal ang lakad ko nang may mapansin akong dalawang lalaki sa harap ko, mga limang metro ang layo sa akin. Inilibot ko ang paningin ko para lang mapagtantong wala masyadong tao sa kalsada. The street was too silent and deserted. Iilang street lights lang din ang bukas. Lumunok ako nang a-apat na metro na lang ang layo ko sa kanila, lalo na nang nilingon nila ako.

Malayo-layo pa ang tinitirhan ko rito. Isa ang street na ito sa mga madidilim na daan patungo roon. I could use the other way but it was not a short way… kasi ito na ang short cut. Dito rin ako madalas dumaan pero ngayon lang ako naging kabado ng ganito. I didn't want to be judgemental but I couldn't help it!

I halted when I felt my heart drumming in chaos. Natatakot ako! Lalo na at napapabalita ngayon ang madalas na kaso ng rape! Nilingon ko si Jimin na dalawang metro lang ang layo mula sa akin, kabado ako na hindi ko na pinansin ang gulat dahil sa lapit niya sa akin. I immediately ran towards him and instinctively hugged his left arm, finding security and protection.

Mukhang nagulat siya sa ginawa ko kaya nagtatakang tinitigan niya ako. I just stared at him, scared. Natatakot ako pero dahil hawak ko na siya, kampante na ako. I was just borrowing him since I was afraid. It had no malice, I swear.

He looked straight ahead. At mukhang naintindihan niya ako dahil inalis niya ang pagkakayakap ko sa braso niya, dumulas ang kamay niya patungo sa kamay ko. He then held my hand firmly, tightly and protectively.

"I will not let anyone harm you," seryoso niyang sabi sa akin habang binigyan ako ng banayad na tingin. His eyes could attest on how serious and protective he was right now. I really didn't want to be the damsel in distress. I was not really that type of girl. I grew up depending on myself… pero iba ang sitwasyon na ito.

This wasn't just a simple broken nail, this situation could cost my life!

I hardly pursed my lips, slowly nodding my head and pouring my whole trust in him. My heart instead of getting frightened… it leaped for I was seeing him as my only comfort. Kasi siya pa rin naman ang itinitibok nito. He had it so he could take control over it and I couldn't yet see it changing course.

Gusto kong huminto nang maramdaman ko ang bahagyang pagpisil niya sa kamay ko nang marating namin ang mismong kinaroroonan ng mga lalaki Parang gusto kong huminto at huwag na munang makarating sa condo para lang mas magtagal pa na kasama ko siya.

Only if I could hold time to stop it from running, just so I could treasure this moment.

"I hate the fact that you let another guy hold your hand earlier… b-but I can't also deny the fact that I am so happy to be holding your hand right now," he said that broke the silence between us, still looking ahead of us.

Napatitig ako sa seryoso niyang mukha. Hindi nga ako nagkamali, totoo ang mga feels ko kanina na may nagmamasid sa akin. During lunch, it was really him who I saw hiding behind a post.

We continued walking. Nilagpasan lang namin iyong dalawang lalaki. I silently uttered a short prayer of thanks the moment we passed those guys. This actually felt nostalgic, I remembered the night when we finally decided to start dating… it was like this. The presence of the shining moon above, the dark street, he and I, holding each other's hands while walking peacefully.

The nostalgia was both hurting and cheering my heart, I had so many memories with him that it pained me thinking I would have to throw them away.

Nang aagawin ko na sa kaniya ang kamay ko ay hinigpitan niya ang hawak dito. I confusedly stared up at him, blinking at his small mesmerizing eyes. Kaunti na lang, kaunti na lang at bibigay na talaga ako.

"My hand…" I trailed off, gulping hard. 'Di ba ito ang gusto ko? Ang hawakan niya ang kamay ko?

I could hear my heart jumping in joy but my mind was not pleased. My effort! All that I had sacrificed until now would go in vain! Lahat iyon, mawawalan ng saysay! I needed to remember why I was doing this for! For him! For his career! For his future!

"Let us just stay like this," he said, eyes sparkling with unsaid emotions.

"Jimin, we can't stay—"

"Jebbal…" he pleaded that made me gap my mouth in utmost surprise. Masyadong masakit sa pandinig ang nagsusumamong boses niya at dinadala ako nito sa mga masasakit na sinabi ko sa kaniya kagabi.

Paano ako makaka-usad nito sa plano kong alisin ka sa buhay ko kung ginagawa mo ito, Jimin? Alam na alam mo sigurong pagmamay-ari mo ang puso ko at ikaw ang sinusunod nito sa ating dalawa kaya mo ito ginagawa. Pinagtutulungan niyo ako… kasi alipin din naman ako ng puso ko.

Yumuko ako at hinayaan na lang siyang hawakan ang kamay ko. Dahan-dahan akong tumango para ipakitang pumapayag na ako, kahit ngayon lang. With that, his hand held my hand even tighter.

The warm of his hand holding mine was comforting. My stupid heart was feasting again. Maging ang isipan ko ay unti-unti na ring nadadarang. Kaunti na lang talaga at baka isuko ko na ang plano kong pag-mu-move on.

So we just walked silently, while my heart was in a wild frenzy again because he was holding my hand and making me feel safe again. Nang makarating kami sa harap ng building ay sinubukan kong agawin muli ang kamay ko pero hindi niya pa rin binibitawan. I just stood in front of him with my head down while he was still holding my hand tightly. Kinuha pa niya ang isa kong kamay at mahigpit ding hinawakan.

"I plan to stay here until we settle everything between us," basag niya sa katahimikan. His voice was firm and stern. Na para bang iyon na talaga ang plano niya bago pa siya magtungo rito.

Hindi pa rin ako nag-aangat ng tingin. Nanatili akong nakayuko lang at nakatitig sa mga kamay kong nakapaloob sa mga kamay niya. On how my hands perfectly fit on his.

Could we just stay like this… till later? But I already let him go. All of his efforts would only be useless because I gave him up already. That painful fact stuck me real hard. I already gave him up.

"If you happened to break your promise then I will pick its every piece to put it back together. I will fulfill it in your behalf," aniya at hindi ako nakagalaw nang hilain niya ako para yakapin.

I lightly bumped onto him, weak and fragile with his touch. My face buried on his chest and his arms around my shoulders. My body on his body and his chin on my shoulder just as his other hand found one of my hands and not long ago until I felt him slid something cold and hard on one of my fingers… on my ring finger.

"Because everytime I think of losing you, I feel like not breathing at all," he sincerely told me that touched the deepest warrior of my heart, my heart that he long ago tamed.

Please, Jimin. Please, stop hurting. Kasi kaya kong masaktan ng paulit-ulit, huwag lang ikaw. You don't know how devastated I was last night seeing you cry. That was my most painful… so please, just stop hurting.

Ipinagitan ko ang mga braso ko sa amin pero nanatiling nakapalibot sa baywang ko ang mga braso niya. I lightly pushed him and raised my eyes to see his handsome face. Hindi na yata ako masasanay sa kaguwapuhan niya kasi nagawa pang magdiwang ng mga mata ko sa gitna nang panunubig ng mga ito.

"Because your l-love for me isn't healthy. That's why you should stop it…" Hindi pa ako natatapos sa pagsasalita ay umiiling na siya.

"Too easy for you to say that because you own my heart. I cannot follow what you want because my heart will not just cooperate," mariing wika niya sa pagitan ng paputol-putol na ingles. His tone sounded like he was trying to make me understand his reason.

I really felt proud of him despite of the situation… he was learning English so fast!

"I don't even know why we came to this. I don't even know why you are doing this. Tell me please, what did I do wrong?" he frustratedly told me, voice quivering. Kitang-kita ko ang pagdaan ng sakit sa mga mata niya habang nananatiling mahigpit na nakapulupot sa baywang ko ang mga braso niya. From the way he was holding me, it was like, he wouldn't let me go. It was like he was afraid to let me go…

Crap, I was hurting him again. I was hurting my Park Jimin again.

Inangat ko ang isang kamay ko para haplusin ang mukha niya. The black mask on his face was insulting because it hid his tempting lips. Pero mas okay na iyon kaysa matukso ako sa mga labi niya gayong sobrang lapit ko sa kaniya. Titingkayad lang ako at mahahalikan ko na siya.

"Then maybe it will follow me. I want it to s-stop beating for me—"

He again shook his head repeatedly. "I don't want to," aniya na parang bata.

"Jimin," mariin kong tawag sa pangalan niya. Pakiramdam ko talaga, bumabalik kami sa mga nangyari kagabi.

Siya, ako at ang sakit.

Pumikit siya at tumingala. "Even you calling me name is so beautiful," he muttered under his breath that I didn't catch. Nang muli siyang dumuko sa akin ay mas humigpit pa ang mga braso niya sa baywang ko at hinila ako para yakaping muli. "Just ask me anything else. Just don't ask me to let you go because I will never do…" He breathed against my neck.

Jimin, hindi naman ikaw ang magdedesisiyon e. Ako. Pinakawalan na kita at wala na akong magagawa kung hindi mo ako kayang pakawalan.

Hanselle, you already let him go so stop holding back! My inner Goddess sadly told me.

Pumikit ako at niyakap rin siya pabalik, iyong mas mahigpit. But at least, let me savour this moment. Hindi ako sigurado kung mangyayari pa ito. I just missed him so much that hugging him for a night wouldn't be enough and I couldn't believe I was wanting to be much closer to him than we were now.

Mahigpit ko siyang niyakap saka ko marahan hinalikan ang dibdib niya. He still smelled the same. Na-miss ko siya. Iyong amoy niyang ito. Sweet and minty. Those dreams I always had about him… I was now doubting if they were really just a dream. His smell could attest to its realness.

Bumitaw ako sa kaniya pagkatapos ng ilang sandali at walang lingon-lingong pumasok na ako sa entrance ng building, leaving him there, all alone. Gaya nang nararamdaman ng puso ko ngayon. Mabilis kong tinahak ang elevator. I was trying so hard not to cry, not here. Kaya nang marating ko ang bahay ko, agad akong bumagsak sa sahig at napasandal sa pinto.

I cried my heart out. I cried the pain out.

Masakit kasi e. Masakit kasi sobrang mahal ko siya pero kailangan ko siyang pakawalan. Masakit kasi gusto ko siyang makasama pero hindi puwede kasi komplikado kami pareho. Masakit kasi mahal niya ako pero sinasaktan ko siya.

If only I could take his heart out and maneuver it to stop beating for me, then I would.

I then suddenly thought, kung hindi ba siya sikat at isang idol, may chance ba kami pareho? Puwede kaya kami? Masaya kaya kami? Maybe, we were perfect.

Habang umiiyak ako ay na-alala ko ang bagay na isinilid niya sa daliri ko at mas lalo lang akong naiyak nang makita ko ang napakagandang singsing na nasa palasingsingan ng kaliwang kamay ko. The way it fit my finger perfectly… it was actually a stunning rose gold ring. Napapalibutan ito ng maliliit na mga batong sa tantiya ko ay Amethyst dahil sa kulay nito.

I wondered again if he had me investigated? Hindi ko nabanggit sa kaniya ang birthday ko at siguro nga ay coincidence lang ang Amethyst na ito, pero hindi ko rin nabanggit sa kaniya ang pagkahilig ko sa Forget-me-nots. So why would he give me forget-me-nots when most guys give roses?

Napagtanto kong hindi kami nagkaroon ng pagkakataong mas makilala ang isa't isa noon… at hindi na kailanman. I curled my fingers and kissed the ring he gave me as I folded my knees and hugged them to my chest tightly, letting my eyes speak for my aching heart.

Crap, Jimin. Bakit ba kasi sobrang mahal kita? Bakit ba kasi kailangan pa natin parehong masaktan? Can't we just be happy with each other? Can't we not mind anything or anyone and stay together? Can't we just shut the world and be for keeps… 'cause crap, crap, I wanna live with you… I don't wanna lose you. I so wanna keep you!

I loved him so much that it hurt…