Chapter Forty-one

Habang kumakain ako sa isang fast-food chain, as usual nang mag-isa, ay sina Kuya Haynes at Chelsea pa rin ang laman ng isipan ko. They managed to replace Jimin on my mind for awhile. Hindi ko kasi lubos-maisip kung bakit sila magkasama. And what was with those sweet and comfortable smiles? Bakit parang matagal na silang magkakilala? Seriously, what I had been missing?

Kahit nang matapos akong kumain at makabalik na ako sa bahay ay sila pa rin ang iniisip ko na hindi ko alam kung dapat ko bang ipagpasalamat dahil saglit kong na-isantabi ang pag-iisip kay Jimin. Kaya para mabaling sa iba ang isipan ko, nag-browse na lang ako ng mga bagong Korean drama sa favourite site ko na puwede kong mapanood. Magbabalik-loob na ako sa panonood since my life had been so adventurous these past few months that I had to remove watching K-Drama from my system.

Nawalan ako ng panahon sa panonood dahil sino ba namang tao ang may matinong pag-iisip na magagawa pang isingit ang panonood ng K-Drama sa gitna ng mga nangyari?

I was busy hiding in BTS house while waiting for the issue to lie-low. I was busy hiding from the BTS after they betrayed me and I was busy loving Jimin all those time that I freaking gave into him when he told me he loved me. I was busy dating him for real and was still busy when my brother came to get me. Wow, I could even write my own life drama.

I got a one whole set of strawberry Dutchmill from the refrigerator and peacefully lay down—stomach down on the bed. I had left my laptop in Korea so I thought, I would need to buy a new one. Hindi nga lang muna ngayon since I had to restrict my expenses dahil tatlong buwan akong walang sahod. Great!

Now that I thought of it, wala akong balak humingi ng tulong sa pamilya ko, siguro nga parusa nga talaga ang walang sahod ng tatlong buwan. Ngayon ko lang napagtanto. I had to rely on my own budgeting skills and I hoped I could survive.

Maraming new dramas ngayon. Napili kong panoorin ang Strong Woman Do Bong Soon. Nasa gitna ako nang panonood sa phone ko nang biglang mag-ring ito at lumitaw ang mga pamilyar na numero. Na naman.

Nag-take over sa pinapanood kong K-Drama ang tawag mula na naman sa isang pamilyar na kombinasyong ilang araw ko nang iniiwasan.

I just blandly stared at it while strongly dictating my mind not to follow the desire of my begging heart because crap, gustong-gusto ko nang sagutin ang tawag niya at iyakan siyang sobrang late na niya, na nandito na ako sa Pinas at iniwan na siya, na kung sana ay nasagot niya ang mga tawag ko noon, e 'di sana, long distance relationship lang ang pinagdadaanan namin ngayon.

Too many 'sana's that I couldn't ever blurt out to him. Because it wasn't that easy, kasi hindi ang mga unanswered calls ko ang talagang isyu rito—though they were a part, kung hindi iyong katototohanang sagabal ako at ang relasyon namin sa career niya.

Sally was the living evidence of that. Ipinamukha sa akin ng eksistensiya ng babaeng iyon na hindi kami bagay ni Jimin. Bituin siya, nasa langit, too high from my reach. Unreachable, not for me.

If only I could block this number… pero dahil sadyang makulit ang puso ko, gusto nito na kahit na sa ganito man lang ay maramdaman kong totoo ang namagitan sa amin ni Jimin. His calls were just the only proof that… that somehow, we were real. That all that we had wasn't just a dream but a phase, it happened though it ended, because for me, it seemed like what happened in Seoul appeared to be just a very long dream, a very real and vivid dream that I couldn't forget. And again, for the umpteenth time, for the infinite times, Jimin was still, my beautiful dream.

Mananatili siyang guni-guni ko lang dahil hindi kami puwede. Isang napakaganda at makatotohanang guni-guni. That if what happened in Seoul was really just a dream, then I would have never willed myself to wake up just to stay dreaming.

Nang huminto sa pagtunog ang phone ko ay nagmistulang missed call na lang sa call history ko ang tawag. I screenshot it, following the will of my stupid heart. Ayan, para assured ako na totoo ang lahat ng ito. I needed double evidence. Proof to convince myself someday that I wasn't just dreaming.

Muli akong bumalik sa panonood habang naninikip ang dibdib ko kahit na nakakatawa ang bawat mga eksena. Kahit nang ipikit ko ang mga mata mata para matulog na ay naninikip pa rin ang dibdib ko.

Lalo na nang maging sa paniginip ko, nandoon siya.

Kinabukasan, maaga akong nagising para maghanda na sa trabaho. Nakatanggap pa uli ako ng tawag mula sa kaniya. I once again battled with my heart's desire as my mind won, I ignored his call again bago tumunog muli ang phone ko para sa tawag ni Mamang.

I answered the call while walking out of my room, formally clad in a turquoise Zara top and a black pencil cut skirt. Simpleng flat black peep-toe heels lang ang ipinares ko samantalang hinayaan kong nakalugay lang ang ngayon ay may kahabaan nang buhok ko.

["Good morning, 'nak!"]" She happily greeted me from the other line. Saglit kong sinulyapan ang MK watch kong nasa kanang pulupulsuhan ko at napagtantong nasa opisina na siya dahil mag-aalas-otso na. And she did really have so many free times to still check on me when she should have been facing her full-packed works.

I smiled with that thought. "Good morning, Mang!" sagot ko habang naglalakad patungo sa kusina, nakasabit sa kanang balikat ko ang itim kong LV bag.

["'Nak, I sent your car there. I think it arrived last night. Ngayon ko lang naitawag dahil ayaw kitang istorbohin kasi baka tulog ka na. Kailan ka babalik sa trabaho?"] sunod-sunod niyang tanong. Hindi na ako nagulat nang sinabi niyang ipinadala niya ang kotse ko dahil sinabi na niya sa akin iyon nang ihatid niya ako rito from Valenzuela. But I had never given her the guarantee that I would use it. Hindi na lang ako humindi para sa ikatatahimik niya.

I had used the car only twice ever since they gave it to me. Noong mismong graduation ko ang unang beses at isang beses pa ulit noong sinundo ko si Zoe dahil balak niyang mag-stay sa Val last summer. Kung si Mamang ay Polaroid ang gift na ibinigay sa akin noong graduation ko, my father gave me that car. It was a latest model of Rubicon Jeep Wrangler. Si Papang ang mismong pumili ng model noon at kulay.

"Ngayon po ang balik ko, Mang. Kamusta po kayo riyan? Si Holly po, galit pa rin ba?" tanong ko nang maalala kong umalis ako ng Valenzuela kahapon nang hindi kami nagkaka-usap ni Holly at hindi kami nagkakabati.

["We're fine here, Hanselle. Don't really mind your sister. She can get more of those stuff. Mag-iingat ka riyan. Just call a cook if you want some homemade foods. Huwag kang kain ng kain sa labas, lalo na sa mga fast-food chains, alright? Wala ka pa bang boyfriend, 'nak?]

Halos maubo ako sa huling itinanong ni Mamang. Off all the things naman! I was still not ready to answer questions like that. And the hardest part was, as if I could really say that to her. At bakit bigla-bigla naman yata ang pagtatanong niya?

They weren't so strict about those stuff since I was an adult now, isa pa, college na ako noong una akong nagka-boyfriend at wala naman silang sinabi noon, pabor pa nga sila. Medyo mahigpit sila kay Holly dahil sa ugali nito, mabuti nga at wala pang ipinapakilalang boyfriend ang batang iyon.

"Mang, I think I need to go. Baka ma-late ako," saad ko sabay kagat sa ibabang labi ko dahil masyadong halata ang pag-iwas ko sa tanong. Nagsalin ako ng tubig sa isang baso at inisang lagok iyon.

I really wanted to open up to my mother, about my love life, about the man I loved but not when it was complicated like this.  Baka nga hindi ako paniwalaan ng nanay ko at baka sabihin pa niyang nag-iilusyon lang ako. Lalo na at hindi man niya kilala ng personal si Jimin o ang buong BTS, at alam niyang sikat ang mga ito.

["Oh shoot! I'm sorry, 'nak! Sige, sige. Mag-iingat ka sa pagmamaneho ha! I love you,"] aniya mula sa kabilang linya.

"Opo, opo. I love you too," sagot ko at tinapos na ang tawag. Hindi ko na tinama pa na hindi ako magmamaneho dahil magko-commute ako. Pinunasan ko ang bibig ko gamit ang likod ng palad ko.

As the call got disconnected, another call went in. Again. That. Familiar. Number.

I closed my eyes firmly as I let my heart cheered unbelievably and when I opened my eyes, I just tossed carelessly my phone inside my sling bag as I let it ring forever. Kailangan kong gawin ito, dahil hindi ko maipapangakong magagawa ko siyang tiisin oras na marinig ko ang boses niya.

It would be the dead-end of all of my sacrifices.

Gaya ng inaasahan, nagulat si Chelsea nang makita ako sa office ngunit nanatili siyang nasa mesa niya at hindi ako nilapitan. I understood, she was still mad. Ang naman iba ay hindi na nagulat. I just went to my area silently and felt the familiarity of my office desk. Na-miss ko ang office desktop ko, my swivel chair and all of my stuff here. I missed them all.

Three months of not being here, hm.

Binuksan ko ang desktop ko at natulala ako nang makita ko ang setup wallpaper nito. Muli, kumalabog na naman ang dibdib ko. Matagal akong napatitig lang sa itim na background. I… how did I forget that I made this as my desktop wallpaper? The photo of the old logo of BTS was my wallpaper. Ganito ako kabaliw noon sa BTS na kahit ang office computer ko ay may mantsa nila.

I immediately maneuvered the mouse and changed the wallpaper to just a plain mint green wallpaper. If I really wanted to forget, then I must really do this. Masakit na kailangan ko siyang bitiwan siyempre, hindi ako masokista, hindi ko sinasaktan ang sarili ko. I was just doing this to avoid future heartbreaks, kasi doon din naman kami hahantong kapag nagpatuloy kami.

Yes, I could leave everything for him, I could even let go of the chance we had just to save his dreams. But I couldn't afford him to leave everything for me, it wasn't like he would though.

Hindi pa man dumadating ang lunch ay dagsa na agad ang mga trabaho ko. I had so many pending works because they really believed that I would come back. Now, I needed to take an overtime whether I liked it or not. The moment my clock struck at exactly twelve, I decided not to eat lunch at all. Sa sobrang dami ng tatrabahuin ko, talagang mabubura na sa schedule ko ang lunch ngayong araw o baka pati sa mga susunod na araw.

Desidido na akong magtrabaho na lang nang may kumalabit sa akin mula sa likod ko. Nilingon ko kung sinumang ito. My brows arched as I saw James shyly looking at me, standing tall in an awkward form. His brown eyes hiding behind those eyeglasses tried to avoid my eyes. Magulo ang buhok niyang bumagay sa kaniya. He had one piercing on his left ear and for a nerd like him, he looked rough. Nakasuot ng simpleng light yellow long sleeves, black and white horizontal striped tie and a black slacks. He was like a mixture of both nerdy and bad guy type, but since I knew him as the silent one, let's say he was the nerdy type.

Shy kumbaga.

Crap! Bakit ba kasi si Jimin ang pumapasok sa isip ko sa tuwing nababanggit ko ang salitang 'shy'? He couldn't probably own that word in my mind! Hindi lang naman siya ang mahiyaing lalaki sa mundo! There was one in front of me! And was less complicated!

Crap again, Hanselle! Anong iniisip mo? A what? Less complicated? My inner Goddess widened her eyes at me.

"Miss H-Hanselle…?"

Nakaramdam ako ng marahang tapik sa balikat ko na nagpabalik sa akin sa reyalidad. Images of Jimin vanished from my mind, but crap, it never left my heart, I wish!

"Yes?" I casually asked James. Nagtataka ako dahil hindi namin gawain ang ganito. We didn't talk often, we didn't do this kind of conversation that was why I was stunned to see him talking to me.

He shyly scratched the back of his head. That… that! That was Jimin's mannerism! Ganyang-ganyan din si Jimin!

Oh my gosh, why was fate doing this to me again?!

"Uhm, you w-wanna have lunch with m-me?" James spilled in a very soft and stuttering low voice. Instantly, motion pictures started flashing behind my mind. At iisang tao lang ang laman ng bawat mga senaryong iyon. They were all a memory of that shy man, triggered by James, by his shy actions.

"My p-picture…" he just simply said still acting so shy, finally having the chance to hide his shy eyes from my not so forgivable eyes.

"So that makes me your… oppa," he teased, despite of his mocking tone, his smile didn't hide his shyness, it was overflowing.

"Should we date?" he asked shyly. Ngumuso siya dahil lumalabas na naman ang ngiting pinipilit niyang itago. Ang mga palad niya ay marahang sinasalo ang mga panga ko para panatilihing magkahugpong ang mga mata namin.

Nahihiyang ngumiti siya. "Can I hug you?" he asked shyly, having some of his words pronounced weirdly, nevertheless, it came to my ear just as beautiful as him. His lips got traced through the thick cloth of his black mask.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked, shyly.

Ngunit naputol din naman ang pagbabalik-tanaw ko sa mga ala-alang iyon ng lalaking hanggang ngayon ay laman pa rin ng puso ko nang mapagtanto ko ang sinabi ni James. Nahinto sa malikot na pag-iisip ang utak ko at gulat na tiningala ko siya. I stared back at his shy eyes while still stunned of what I thought I heard he asked me.

I… no one had ever asked me this kind of things so I really didn't know what to do in this kind of instances. Gusto ko siyang tanggihan dahil wala nga sa schedule ko ang lunch pero ayaw ko naman mapahiya siya, lalo na at maayos niya akong inimbitahan.

What to do?!

Napansin kong wala na masyadong tao at patay na ang mga ilaw. Lumabas na yata ang iba para mag-lunch, kahit si Chelsea ay wala na rin sa upuan niya.

"I… I'm actually v-very happy that you're back," he directly told me, still stuttering though when I think he saw the confusion in my face.

I instantly gaped my mouth open. Uh… was he… trying to… hook up with me?

Pinagmasdan ko ang ayos ni James. He really did look neatly good in his formal attire, a getup of someone you would think of someone having a high profession at first look.

"Uh…" I smiled hesitantly. "T-Thanks," I answered him in a low voice. Hindi siguro iniisip ni James na landiin ako. He wasn't the type really. Malamang ay napansin niya rin ang pagiging outcast ko gaya niya.

And what was a better company than your likes? Siyempre, makikisama siya sa mga taong kagaya niya rin.

I sighed silently with that, feeling at ease with my own resolve with this sudden uncomfortable instance. Why not? Kakain lang naman. Walang masama, walang malisya, bukod sa nakakapanibagong niyayaya niya ako ay wala naman nang ibang kaso.

"Parang gusto kong magpakabusog ngayon. You know a good restaurant?" nakangiti kong tanong kay James. His face lit up and his eyes gleamed behind those glasses. Ngumiti siya ng malapad na naging sanhi para makita ko ang kambal na biloy niya sa magkabila niyang pisngi.

They weren't so deep that was why it only showed when he smiled widely. This time, si RM ang naalala ko. RM had one deep dimple on his left cheek.

James then nodded giddily as I threw to somewhere my mind what I was thinking. Hinablot ko na ang bag ko at tumayo na. I couldn't afford to wipe that innocent and shy smile on his lips just because I couldn't accept his simple invitation.

Siya ang nauna sa paglalakad since siya naman ang mamimili ng makakainan namin at dahil nagsama kaming dalawa na mukhang wala naman parehong masabi sa isa't isa, napakatahimik ng atmospera sa pagitan namin. Kaya nang pumasok kami sa Coco Hut ay nagpasalamat ako dahil medyo gumaan ang naman atmospera kahit paano.

Ang restaurant ay self-service. We walked towards the counter and looked up the menu to choose what to eat. Puro chicken and fish dishes ang nasa menu, may mga veggies pero out of the list na agad sila sa choices ko. Matapos naming um-order which was by the way, he paid for all, naghanap na kami ng mauupuan. Akala ko ay mananatiling tahimik at awkward ang atmosphere sa pagitan namin pero hindi pala. We both found an interesting topic that would pick both of our interest.

Books. Hindi halata pero nabibilib ako sa mga taong mahilig magbasa ng libro, dahil isa ang pagbabasa ng mga novels ang kinaadikan ko noong nag-aaral pa ako. Kung minsan nga ay napapadpad ako sa mga bookstore at nakakatapos ako ng isang libro doon mismo sa harap ng shelf. Getaway ko rin noon from the people ang pagbabasa ng mga novels.

They would stay away from me if they saw me reading. Who would want to disturb a person reading a book anyway?

"I've read many books. May mga kilala din akong a-authors," ani James habang hinihintay namin ang order namin. Nagagawa na niyang makipag-usap sa akin ng pahapyaw na tumititig sa mga mata ko.

"Tell me about it!" I urged him. Itinukod ko ang mga siko ko sa mesa at sinalo ng mga palad ko ang baba ko habang nakatitig ako sa kaniya. Nakakatuwa at mayroon kaming same interest para naman hindi awkward itong lunch na ito.

He told me some of his favorite authors as I also shared to him my favorite authors. Some of the books I read which were coincidentally he had also read.

"I love Lang Leav so much. Her writings are very inspirational as she is herself, also Pierre Jeanty, I admire him for his brave and intelligent advocacies." I gladly shared to him my favorite authors and poets, they were both very inspirational. Mas nasiyahan ako nang malaman kong gusto niya rin si Lang Leav.

"Ah, I often read erotic genre, well…" He shrugged shyly, lips awkwardly stretching into a shy smile. Umabot kasi kami sa usapan sa famous novel na Fifty Shades of Grey na ginawa nang motion picture.

Natawa ako habang inaabot ang baso ng iced tea ko na mas naunang i-serve habang naghihintay kami ng order namin. For a shy guy, he sure had a full mouth. Siya iyong tipo ng taong tahimik pero napakaraming puwedeng sabihin. Hindi ko inaakalang ma-eenjoy ko ang makipag-usap sa kaniya. Katulad ni Chelsea ay nailalabas din kasi niya ang natural kong kulit at ingay.

Nang dumating ang mga pagkain namin ay tuwang-tuwa siya. He even clapped his hands in joy. "Bon Appetite!" he told me.

Tumango ako at nagsimula nang kumain. Actually, this was my very first time to be in this kind of restaurant. I had never heard of its name also. Pero dahil nakikisabay lang naman ako, wala akong karapatang mag-inarte. This was a lot more better than those fast-food chains.

Isa pa, nagtitipid nga pala ako ngayon. How convenient!

"Here…" Magsisimula pa lang ako sa pagtitinidor ng mga fried hipon na nasa mesa ko ay may lumitaw nang plato sa harap ko, balat na lahat ng hipon at himay na rin.

Nagtatakang napatingin ako kay James.

"You can't eat it while using fork and spoon. Kailangan mong magkamay pero mukhang hindi ka marunong," aniya na nag-iiwas ng tingin sa akin.

Ngumuso ako dahil hindi ko naisip iyon. "Salamat," sagot ko at itinulak sa kaniya ang plato ko. Sa mga okasyon sa Ursula Mansion, may mga pagkakataong may mga seafood na handa, shrimps and lobsters mostly, pero hindi madalas kaya hindi ako marunong maghimay.

"I understand rich people, miss Hanselle," he said as he busied himself with the shrimp.

"I'm not rich," sabi ko matapos kong tusukin ng tinidor ang isang hiwa ng hipon. My parents were rich. Ako, I was just an employee of NBC Entertainment. Umaasa rin ako sa sahod na natatanggap ko buwan-buwan kagaya ng ibang empleyado.

"Miss Hanselle, how do you define your life estate then?" He chuckled a little. Ang unang pagkakataong narinig ko siyang tumawa pero may iba roon, may pait.

Kumunot ang noo ko habang nag-iisip ng isasagot. Dahan-dahan kong nginunguya ang pagkaing nasa bibig ko. "Nasa gitna ako ng mayaman at mahirap. I eat three meals a day and have enough clothes to wear," sagot ko.

"Branded…" Sinulyapan niya ang mga suot ko. "Clothes at that," saad niya.

Umirap ako. "You can't expect me wear clothes from just anywhere and please, drop the formality. Call me Hanselle and I'll call you James." I still tried to defend myself as I told him to talk casually with me.

"Sabi mo e," pang-asar niyang sabi at nagpatuloy na sa pagkain.

Buong oras ay wala siyang ginawa kung hindi ang asarin ako, napansin niya yata na masyado akong defensive pagdating sa estado ng buhay ko. Mukhang nakahanap siya ng bagay na ipang-iinis sa akin.

Great, James. Way too comfortable, are we?

"Ssh," natatawang sinaway niya ako nang malakas akong natawa dahil sa ginawa niya. He held my shoulder and tried to softly cover my mouth with his other hand.

Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko habang tumatawa pa rin. I pursed my lips to stop myself from laughing loudly since we were entering the peaceful lobby of the NBC Entertainment. He had been doing those weird derp faces that I couldn't stop myself from laughing just seeing it. Kanina pa ako tumatawa since we came from the Coco Hu.

May nakita kasi kaming poster kanina ng isang comedian na naka-ugly face. Ginaya niya iyon na naging sanhi ng tawanan sa pagitan namin.

"You… you look so funny, J-James!" I said in the middle of stifling a laugh while we were now entering the lift. Nang magsara ang elevator ay muli siyang nag-derp face at halos maglupasay ako sa sahig sa sobrang tawa.

I swore, ngayon lang ako ulit tumawa ng ganito kagrabe. I would admit that it was not easy for anyone to make me laugh, sure, I could smile but not laugh hard. At hindi rin ako laitera! I just couldn't take him mimicking a funny face!

"Shit… I'd die to see that precious laugh," ani James, as I was too busy retrieving my breath from laughing.

Umiling-iling ako habang tumatawa pa rin. Naluluha na ako sa sobrang tawa. "Y-You take… responsibility of this," banta ko sa kaniya. Dahil gaya ng pag-iyak, hirap rin akong pahintuin ang sarili ko sa pagtawa.

Once I laughed… it would be nonstop.

"Sure. I'd love to," he said, sounded giddy. Kahit nang dumating kami sa office namin ay tawa pa rin ako ng tawa. Napapansin na kami pareho ng ilang mga empleyado galing sa ibang department. "Hey, hinto na!" saway niya sa akin.

I shook my head. "I… I c-can't," I said, still dying in laughter.

"You'll get hoarse voice if you don't stop," pananakot niya pa sa akin.

Naupo ako sa swivel chair ko at yumuko sa mesa habang natatawa pa rin. I just couldn't stop myself! Kasi sa tuwing lumilitaw ang image ng derp face ni James sa utak ko ay nagiging sanhi ito ng walang katapusan ko na namang pagtawa.

So the problem really here was that… how could I stop that image from flashing from my mind?

I once again laughed hard while my head was still hidden on my arms on the table. Kinakagat ko ang labi ko para hindi makalikha ng tunog. Told you, my body wasn't mine to control. Take my heart as the very epitome. The perfect paradigm.

Crap!

"Hey!" I felt James tap my shoulder. "Don't tell me you're still laughing…?" I could hint confusion and disbelief through his tone.

Umiling-iling ako habang nakaduko pa rin. Kapag kasi sumulyap na naman ako sa kaniya, maaalala ko na naman ang derp face niya at baka hindi na ako tumigil sa kakatawa.  Naramdaman kong hinawakan niya ang magkabila kong balikat at sapilitan itong hinila para makita niya ang mukha ko.

I swore, I was not tearing up because I was hurt, I was tearing up because of too much laughing.

"Holy sh—" Hindi na niya tinuloy ang sinasabi niya. He just stared at me, almost dying in laughter.

I knew. I knew what he was thinking. Iniisip niya malamang kung anong klaseng nilalang ang isang gaya ko na walang hinto sa kakatawa. He must see me cry, then.

I swear, James. Hindi ko rin alam. I've been clueless too.

"Y-You should…" I laughed. "Stay away… from me f-for a while," natatawang sabi ko sa kaniya habang itinataboy siya gamit ang mga kamay ko.

"Stop laughing first." Humalukipkip siya sa harap ko.

Umiling ako. "No…" I laughed again.

"Hala sila oh! Anong meron?" Lumitaw si Marie sa tabi ni James at nagtatakang nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin sa amin ni James.

James then dropped his hands and shyly bowed his head at Marie's sudden appearance. Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi ko para pigilan na talaga ang pagtawa. Hindi na rin kasi ako makahinga. I stared at Marie and shook my head.

"N-Nothing," mahinang sabi ko.

"Weh? Nakita namin kayong sabay na pumasok ng building! Kayo ha!" ani Marie na may malisyosang ngiti.

Ngumuso ako at sinulyapan si James na ngayon ay namumulang nakatitig na kay Marie.

"Ask… J-James," sabi ko sabay nguso kay James. His attention went to me before his eyes widened in both shock and embarrassment. Kahit na ang mga simpleng reaksyon niya lang ay natatawa na ako. Para bang nakilala ko siya para patawanin ako ng ganito… since I had been too humourless these past few weeks.

And well, heartbroken.

"Hoy James, may gusto ka kay miss Hanselle, 'no? 'Di ka naman dating ganyan ah!" patutyang sabi ni Marie kay James.

Pareho kaming natahimik sa sinabi ni Marie. Iniisip kong napakalabong mangyari noon kasi kaya lang naman siya lumalapit sa akin dahil pareho kami. Alam naming pareho na magkakaintindihan kami. Miraculously, what Marie said made me stop laughing.

"I'm sure, that's not James' intention. Gusto niya lang ng kasama." I defended James from Marie and gave him a reassuring smile. Sinenyasan ko siyang okay na ako. "I stopped laughing. Bumalik ka na roon sa station mo," sabi ko sa kaniya bago ko inikot ang swivel chair ko paharap sa desktop.

Siyempre hindi puwedeng mangyari iyon. May dahilan nga siguro kung bakit lumalapit sa akin si James gayong hindi naman talaga siya ganyan, pero hindi talaga puwedeng iyon ang dahilan.

I was still trying to escape the turmoil that Jimin had inflicted in my heart. Nakaka-inis lang kasi mukhang walang daan palabas dito.  Mahirap siyang tanggalin sa isip ko, sa puso ko pa kaya?

Crap, Jimin! I need a resistance from you! The strongest.