Chapter Nineteen

At exactly twelve midnight, we went out of the channel network building. Sobrang lamig sa labas habang patungo kami sa sasakyan at wala ng mga tao kaya maayos naman kaming nakarating sa kotse. The last thing I would want to happen to the boys was for them to get swarmed by fans at this time of the hour.

We were off to the BH Entertainment. For as much as I despised to go back to that place, no could do for me. Nakikisama lang naman ako sa kanila. Again, they wouldn't let me go home alone either. I just consoled myself that all these weren't temporary so I might as well live with it now. Kung makakasama ko naman sila, why not?

Kahit na gabing-gabi na ay buhay na buhay pa rin ang syudad ng Seoul. The streetlights, building lights such as stores and pavement lights, small establishment and cars all kept the city alive. By this hour of time, I should be sleeping. Mahihirapan na akong matulog nito dahil paniguradong dadalawin ako ng insomnia.

The boys were all down in the car on the way to the building, they were all tired because of the all day work. Ang tanging gising lang sa loob ng sasakyan bukod sa driver ay ako at ang kanilang manager.

Manager Sejin was still intimidating at this hour. It was a surprise that I could still breathe properly with him just around me. Magkalayo naman ang puwesto namin dahil nasa backseat ako at napapagitnaan nina Jimin at Jungkook—that were both sleeping silently—habang nasa shotgun seat naman si Manager Sejin, that I silently thanked God for.

Pinapatay ako sa kaba ng presensiya niya at kung magkakalapit pa kami ay baka hindi ko na kayanin.

I bit my lower lip as I tried so hard not to look at the man's direction. Natatakot akong tingnan siya dahil sa malaki kong kasalanan. Ako lang naman ang dahilan kung bakit may kinakaharap na issue ang mga alaga niya ngayon. What if he already knew? Of course, he should know! He was their manager! He should know every happening in BTS lives. What if he was dying to rip me in pieces now?

Oh, Buddhas of native Korean, spare my beautiful soul. Gusto ko pang makasama ng matagal si Jimin! Tahimik kong usal na agad na kinontra ng panira kong inner Goddess.

My gosh, Hanselle! Stop being silly. Saway nito.

Natapos ang walang hinga-hingang byahe nang huminto ang sasakyan sa harap ng napakapamilyar ng gusali. I saw the familiar façade of BH Entertainment, in its tall and intimidating stance. The nostalgia started to creep within me and it almost made me puke.

Dito nagsimula ang lahat. Dito sa building na ito nagsimulang magbago ang buhay ko. Dito ko unang naramdaman ang nakakahilong twist ng buhay ko. And just seeing it now, I really felt nostalgic, in a creepy way. Pakiramdam ko, inuulit ko na naman iyong mga nagawa kong mali noon, at parang gusto kong masuka, kung hindi ko lang nasamyo ang malamig at fresh na hangin sa labas nang buksan ni Manager Sejin pinto.

"Yah! Wake up, boys!" sigaw ng manager ng BTS saka isa-isang pinagtatapik ang mga BTS members na nasa front seat habang nasa pinto ito siya.

Kumunot ang noo ko. Couldn't they have more sleep? Antok ako pero mas antok at pagod sila. Hindi naman ganoon kahabaan ang biyahe plus iilang oras lang ang tulog nila kanina.

Isa-isa silang nagising at nang makita ang building sa labas ay nagsibangunan sila. Some of them were still half-asleep though. I guessed, it was a part of their life, getting not enough sleep, unsatisfying nap at that.

Sina Jimin at Jungkook na nasa tabi ko ay nagising na rin at parehong nagkukusot ng mga mata. Jimin turned to me while yawning handsomely.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin dahil hindi na naman kinakaya ng puso ko ang kaguwapuhan niyang napakalapit lang at mabilis naman akong ngumiti nang magtama ang mga mata namin ni Taehyung na nasa unahang upuan lang.

"Hi!" I cheered on him, more likely to all of them.

He square smiled back while caressing both of his eyes. "Good to see a pretty face after a nap," aniya sa medyo paos at natural na malalim niyang tinig.

Hindi ko na lang pinansin iyon dahil for sure hindi naman niya ako minumura. The other boys greeted me too and I happily greeted them back. Ano na lang naman ang maging cheerer nila sa mga ganitong pagkakataon? Kaya kong magpakita ng ngiti sa kanila sa mga ganitong pagkakataon para ganahan sila, though, I hoped it would work.

The nostalgic feeling didn't leave me until we reached a certain room lined up in the nineteenth floor of the building. We entered a conference-like room. May mahabang mesa at mga office chairs sa loob. Their manager went out for awhile, that at least relieved me. Naupo silang lahat sa isang hilera ng upuan but before that, Taehyung managed first to pull me towards the seat near him. Katabi ko siya at si RM naman sa kabilang gilid ko.

Masyadong antok si Jimin at J-Hope na agad silang dumuko sa mesa para malamang ipagpatuloy ang naudlot na tulog nila kanina sa sasakyan. Si Yoongi ay sumandal sa upuan at bahagyang pumikit. Jin just silently sat on one of the chairs and stared at particularly nothing. Habang si Jungkook naman ang pinakahuling pumasok habang humihikab at nagkakamot.

"You can stay here first 'cause you're not allowed here when the meeting started." RM informed me. Tumango ako at tipid na ngumiti para ipakitang naiintindihan ko.

"Aaah! I still want to sleep!" Nag-inat si Taehyung habang humihikab. And before I knew it, his head was already resting gently on my shoulder. Hindi ko napigilang mapangiti ng malapad dahil sa ginawa niya. He was just too cute! Ilang beses ko na bang naidikit kay Taehyung ang salitang cute? I just felt like it wasn't enough.

He wasn't just cute, he was very adorable.

I thought the others were all napping… I thought wrong. Dahil nang ilibot ko ang paningin ko matapos kong hayaan si Taehyung na sumandal sa balikat ko ay nakita kong tamad na nakatingin sa akin si Yoongi habang si Jimin ay nakita kong naka-pout habang masama ang tingin kay Taehyung at halata ang pamumula ng mga mata dahil sa pagpipilit na magising.

Kaunti na lang ay magiging sobrang malisyoso na ng utak ko. I could be so insensitive but I was not dense. Gusto ko nang isiping nagseselos siya kay Taehyung kahit na napaka-imposible naman noon.

I didn't want to go overboard. So if he didn't, he should stop acting like a jealous boyfriend everytime Taehyung would act so sweet towards me. Kasi kaya ko pang magpigil, pero iyong puso ko? I couldn't control it anymore, since he had it all along.

You illegal man! Napakaliit mo pero bakit kontrolado mo ang puso ko?!

I could feel myself floating.

What? I had superpowers? Funny.

Hirap akong ibuka ang mga mata ko dahil sa sobrang antok kaya sinundan ko na lang ang mabangong amoy na iyon habang damang-dama ko ang pagkaka-angat ko mula sa kanina ay pagkaka-upo sa kung saan. The mixture of both male strong mint and sweet scent invaded my nose for every rise and fall of my chest for air.

Napakapamilyar ng amoy. Napakasarap sa pakiramdam ng init ng mga brasong nakapulupot sa akin para hindi ako malaglag. I was just too sleepy to open my eyes and the warm and comfort kept me asleep.

I just wanted to sleep more.

"Why… why can't I resist you?"

I heard someone say, almost inaudible that was tailed with a chuckle, I even felt the vibration of his laugh through my palms. I clutched comfortably at that soft fabric with that familiar scent as I let myself be drowned again into a deeper slumber, thinking I would surely remember this dream when I woke up.

Sa pangalawang pagkakataon, nagising na naman akong may pamilyar na amoy ang nanunuot sa ilong ko. I noticed a different jacket covered on me but with the same sweet and minty scent. Only this time, the jacket was thicker and bigger. I was in a deserted room. Walang tao. I lay comfortably on a soft leather couch inside this unfamiliar room.

Dahan-dahan akong bumangon na naging sanhi ng pagkakalaglag ng jacket sa mga hita ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakatulog at higit sa lahat, kung paano ako napadpad dito. Did I sleepwalk? That was nonsense.

Kung mag-i-sleepwalk man ako, mapadpad ako sa lugar na napuntahan ko na. Hindi rito. I could see band instruments bukod sa couch na kinaroroonan ko, floor length mirror and lockers. This wasn't the mirror room of BTS.

NASAAN AKO?!

Alam kong nasa BH Building pa rin ako dahil sa mga salitang BH ENTERTAINMENT na nakapaskil sa may puting dingding, it was written in a bold silver plating.

Dinampot ko ang mabangong jacket na nasa sa mga hita ko. Inayos ko ang sarili ko at tumayo na para lumabas. I was met by the deserted long hallway. I slowly nodded my head as I saw the number '19'—in a silver plating again—on the wall. Nasa nineteenth floor pa rin ako. I walked towards the mirror room of BTS that was located at the end of the long and silent hallway.

Baka kasi nandoon sila.

Hindi nga ako nagkamali, dahil nasa labas pa lang ako ng pinto ay rinig na rinig ko na ang malakas na tugtog galing sa loob, mga boses at malalakas na yapak.

Huminga ako ng malalim at hinawakan ang doorknob. Just as I was about to squeeze it open, someone from behind me spoke.

"Excuse me."

Lumingon ako nang marinig ang malalim na boses na iyon. I was stunned to see the BTS' manager standing behind me and was looking at me authoritatively. Matangkad ito at nakasalamin, hiding those small eyes.

"Ah, h-hello," mahinang bati ko sa kaniya dahil sa kawalan ng ideya sa sinabi niya saka ako bahagyang umatras dahil sa kabang bigla kong naramdaman. I tightly gripped at the jacket hanging on my arm and once again called all the Buddhas of Native Korean to save my helpless soul.

Ang makaharap si Manager Sejin ng ganito, unexpectedly and so near, ay nagpapanginig ng mga kalamnan ko. Mukhang hindi lang simpleng intimidation ang nararamdaman ko mula sa kaniya. I felt like there was this fear of him inside of me, slowly growing.

"You are the g-girl with Jimin in the picture?" he asked rhetorically, forehead knotting for every words spoken. Him speaking English was not so shocking anymore. Mas nakakagulat na kinaka-usap niya ako sa wikang Ingles. Siguro ay nasabi na sakaniya ng BTS na hindi ako nakaka-intindi ng Korean.

Lumunok ako saka dahan-dahang tumango. Malakas ang kabog ng dibdib ko. I didn't know if it was because I was afraid of him or because of what he would say next. If he would ask for my statement right now, I would still have to think if I would give it to him or not, because the moment I stated the truth, it would be the end of all this.

Sa totoo lang kasi, unti-unti na akong napapalapit sa BTS and if given a chance, I would like to know them more. I would like to be with them longer. Ngayong nakita ko na ang kung paanong dumadaan ang bawat araw nila ay gusto kong damayan at samahan sila sa mga susunod pa.

Only if fate would extend this luck and would let me.

"I see," aniya.

Napangiwi ako ng palihim. Or maybe, I had to be used to how they spoke English. Magkaibang accent ang gamit namin since I used Filipino accent and they used Korean accent.

"The boys have already explained everything to me. I hope you don't disappoint them." The last thing he said before walking past me and opening the door. Saka pa lang ako nakahinga ng maluwag nang iniwan na niya ako.

That was… heart-hammering.

I was left half joyed and half confused. Sinabi ba niyang okay sa kaniyang kasama ko ang BTS? Sinabi ba niyang umaasa siyang hindi ko bibiguin ang BTS? What did he mean by that?

If he was afraid I would cause another trouble for the boys, I already pledged to myself that I would never be the reason of their trouble anymore. I might be always twin souls with failure but I was never soul sisters with trouble. Sapat na ang isang issue. I cared for them, to the point that I didn't know if I could even leave if I had to.

Knowingly and nervously, I followed him inside not because I felt his acceptance but because I wanted to see the boys. No restrictions anymore. I again saw the familiar mirror room of BTS. The big mirror. Malakas na tugtugin. The seven gorgeous sweaty boys dancing with the music.

This was BTS when there was music, their music. Gaya ng palagi kong napapanood sa mga dance practices nila at malayo sa mga lalaking puro kalokohan ang alam. They were the BTS, they could easily delve themselves into passion because they were the passion themselves.

Tahimik akong nagtungo sa isang bahagi ng silid, naupo ako sa likod at sumandal sa dingding, nag-iingat na hindi sila maabala. Inilapag ko sa lapag sa gilid ko ang jacket na dala ko dahil balak ko itong isoli sa may-ari. I silentlywatched them through the big mirror in front. There were other people inside the room too. Nasa unahang gilid sila nakapuwesto kasama si Manager Sejin.

Right now, I could see the real definition of passion. It was them.

Habang nanonood ako nagulat ako nang makarinig ako ng malakas na sigaw.

"MISSEU!"

And before I could even blink, nasa harap ko na si Taehyung, his sweaty but charming face only a foot from mine and was smiling widely, showing me his boxy mouth-smile and his perfect set of white teeth. For an enthusiastic guy, he sure had a lot of energy installed in his body and he was using it very well.

I mentally face-palmed.

"There's a coffee shop near the building! Let's have breakfast there!" he enthusiastically told me, unaware that I couldn't understand him. Kumunot ang noo ko dahil doon. Naku, ang aga-aga minumura niya ako. Nagulat ako nang hawakan niya ang kamay ko para hilain ako patayo.

He was sweaty all over his body and yet he smelled so good. Sa pakiwari ko ay nagbabad ang lalaking ito sa bathtub na punong-puno ng pabango. He smelled like the sweetest chocolate I had ever tasted. Nostalgically, I remembered the dream I had last night, someone's good and addictive scent and that I had superpower, I could float.

Weird, I knew, it was weird though it felt too real. I knew, it was just a dream.

Lilingunin ko sana ang jacket kaso…

"Yah! We're practicing!" Suddenly, Jimin screamed as his voice boomed around the four corners of the room. Nahanap ko siya kasama ang ibang miyembro ng BTS na nasa gitnang bahagi ng silid at pawis na pawis. He stared irritatedly at Taehyung.

Nilingon siya ni Taehyung. "But I'm hungry!" dabog niyang hindi pa rin ako binibitawan. He even pouted.

Sa totoo lang, mas iisipin ko pang siya ang bunso ng grupo kaysa kay Jungkook. He acted so childish habang si Jungkook ay sakto lang o baka hindi pa talaga siya komportable sa akin.

"Hey, hey Tae! Get back here! We're practicing!" Lumapit sa amin si RM at kinaladkad pabalik sa practice ang nakasimangot na si Taehyung.

Maybe next time, maiintindihan ko na siya, silang lahat. As for now, I would give myself time.

Bago sila tuluyang bumalik sa practice ay katakot-takot na sermon ang inabot nila sa manager nila pati sa lalaking nakilala ko bilang choreographer nila. They were like tamed puppies while receiving those scoldings. In the end, lahat sila ay nagbigay ng submissive na tango sa mga ito, na kahit hindi naman ako kasali sa mga pinagaglitan ay napatango rin ako kay Manager Sejin dahil sa takot.

So cute. They were just so cute!

Nalaman kong umaga na pala at dito na pala kami natulog. They ordered foods that we could eat for breakfast at sa mirror room na kaming kumain lahat. Their manager went out for some matters, that relieved me, to be honest.

"Yah, Jimin-ah!" tawag ni Jin kay Jimin na nasa harap ko. He was silently eating, well all of them. As for me, as if knowing me really well, they didn't order vegetables.

"Mwo?" Jimin asked, drawing a piece of what seemed like a carrot because it was orange to his mouth.

"Where did you bring her to sleep last night?" Jin said as he slightly glanced at me.

Jimin suddenly coughed upon hearing what Jin said, almost choking. Agad siyang inabutan ni J-Hope ng tubig since magkatabi sila. Nagpatuloy na lang ako sa pagkain, kaysa makinig pa ako sa pagmumurahan nila ay kakain na lang ako. Katabi ko si Jin sa kanan ko at si Taehyung naman sa kaliwa.

Taehyung pushed me the bowl of noodle-like food but it looked clear and glassy.

Ngumiti ako sa kaniya. "This isn't spicy, right?" I asked him. He shook his head while smiling widely, sending little hearts to my weak self.

Hay naku, Tae. Hindi ka ba napapagod ngumiti?

"Band room." Narinig kong sagot ni Jimin.  Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya para lang mahuli siyang nakatitig sa akin… with his reddening cheeks. When he saw me looking, he immediately avoided my eyes while smiling shyly.

Uh, weird.