Chapter Eight

I exasperatedly got up from the bed, the white comforter lazily falling on my lap. Inis kong sinabunutan ang buhok ko habang bumubuntong-hininga. Mas lalo pa akong nainis nang makita ko kung gaano kahimbing ang tulog ni Chelsea sa kabilang kama.

She was like a baby snoring peacefully.

"I should get to sleep now! Crap, ala-una na ng madaling araw pero dilat na dilat pa rin ako! I should've slept last night even before the clock struck at nine pm!" I hissed under my breath very silently, afraid I might wake Chelsea up. Ina-atake ako ng insomnia dahil inabuso ko na naman ang mga mata ko kagabi.

On the second thought, how could I sleep last night if my mind was so full of mess? Nag-aalala ako para kay Jimin. Nag-aalala ako para sa BTS at nag-aalala ako para sa sarili ko. I didn't want to get into trouble with them but I didn't know how to solve this freaking problem too!

Everywhere I looked, I couldn't handle the situation!

Yes, oo, noon! Noon, iniisip ko kung ano ang pakiramdam na ma-tsismis as an idol's unidentified girlfriend pero binabawi ko na. This was too heavy to handle. I couldn't bear this at all. Hindi ko in-expect na may consequence agad ang suwerte noong araw na iyon, at dinamay ko sila!

I frustratedly combed my hair back up because of the lost of solution to this problem. Nilingon ko ang bedside table para hanapin ang phone ko pero imbis na makita ito, ang itim na jacket ni Jimin ang nakita ko. It was folded neatly on top of the table. Kinuha ko ito kasabay ng pagsamyo ng mabangong amoy sa ilong ko.

His sweet and mint manly smell… now, that was how Park Jimin smelled.

The jacket he had let me borrow when we were both inside the elevator was still with me. At hanggang ngayon, pakiramdam ko, guni-guni ko lang ang mga nangyari… iyong pagpasok namin sa BH Entertainment, iyong pagkikita namin ni Jimin sa loob ng elevator of all places na puwedeng mangyari ang una naming pagkikita at ang pagkikita namin ng buong BTS.

Dream. It was like, I was in between reality and dream, even until now.

Hindi ko na alam ang totoo sa hindi. Sana totoong na-meet ko ang BTS pero sana rin, guni-guni lang ang mga isyu sa pagitan namin ni Jimin ngayon. The last thing I would want to happen was to give Jimin troubles and problems. Sobrang busy na nga niya at walang pahinga tapos bibigyan ko pa siya ng gulo?

I hardly clutched the innocent jacket as I deeply sighed. "Balak pa sana kitang ibalik kay Jimin pero mukhang hindi ko na kakayanin pang tumapak sa building na iyon. Kahit na gustong-gusto ko siyang makita ulit, kahit na gustong-gusto kong maamoy ulit yung mabango niyang amoy… hindi ko na kayang mag-take ng risk. I can only escape from this," malungkot kong pagkausap sa nananahimik na jacket. At least, I got this as the only remembrance of Jimin. That once in my life, I had made it to his line of vision. At least, he knew that I existed. At least, I had proved that he was real, that I was loving a real human and not just a fictional character.

I could be the unluckiest person alive for now… mananatili namang ako ang pinakamasuwerteng fan dahil nakasama ko si Jimin at ang Bulletproof isang beses sa buhay ko. That… that would remain as a happy memory of mine that I would keep forever, for as long as I was breathing.

Isa pa, at least my back got to the Korean news. Kahit na likod ko lang ang kita sa litrato, ako pa rin iyon. And ah, I remembered!

Gumapang ako patungo sa may ulunan ng kama kung nasaan ang bedside table. I opened a drawer on the table and I was met by my personal stuff inside together with my black Polaroid camera. Inilabas ko mula roon ang Polaroid ko, my only companion when I was in front of Bulletproof yesterday.

I remembered… I remembered a silly thing I did when I was at the mirror room of Bulletproof…

With my eyes closed, I clicked the capture button just as I heard a flash.

"I guess… I'm a f-fan," I uttered softly, in a shaking voice that clouded the silent room because they already switched the music off. My natural low voice felt so dry because of all the sudden events I was now in.

Nang bumukas ang mga mata ko, all I could see were their shocked faces. I took the chance to pick up the piece of paper that fell on the ground from my Polaroid and immediately put it inside the side pocket of Jimin's jacket.

Ang buong akala ko ay mananatili silang ganoon pero si Yoongi ang unang nakabawi.

"I think she took a photo of us," Yoongi said lazily that even his eyes seemed so lazy while staring strangely at me. Was he really like this? Matitig siya masyado. Kaunti na lang at iisipin ko nang nagagandahan siya sa akin.

Shame. My inner Goddess scoffed at me.

"Hey! Did you just take a photo of us?!" J-Hope said shockingly while pointing a finger at me. Pinanlalakihan niya ako ng mga mata na punong-puno ng suspetsa.

Bahagya akong napa-atras dahil sa inakto niya habang nakatitig sa kamay niyang nakaturo sa akin at mahigpit kong niyakap ang Polaroid ko.

"I just said that," Yoongi said as he yawned but, crap, his stares never wavered.

"Hey hyung, she said she's a fan!" Taehyung then said looking at Jin who was still stunned, I thought?

Jin knocked up with that and stared at me. He smiled, a very charming smile that could catch even the most aloof girl's heart.

"Yah, you should… not be harsh on her," Jin said politely as if pampering a baby. Pakiramdam ko, tinatapik niya ang likod ko sa lambot ng boses niya kahit na hindi naman niya ako hinahawakan. I couldn't still cope up with the way he spoke English though. So foreign…

"Alright. Alright. What should we do now?" When finally, RM broke the ice, I sighed obviously that was why I again caught their attentions.

Sa kanilang lahat, si RM ang pinakasanay sa pagsasalita ng Ingles. I heard he self-studied English. He was the leader so everything must be very stressful for him.

I was a fan, they couldn't be rude to me but they couldn't also be extra nice to me because they had to consider what I would feel. Kailangan pa rin nilang i-consider ang nararamdaman ko at saka kailangan nilang maglagay ng harang sa pagitan namin.

There was a limitation to what they could give to their fans.

"Hey Jimin, you should think what we should do with her!]" Taehyung said, now looking dangerously at Jimin as if he was warning Jimin something I couldn't comprehend so well.

Maiintindihan ko kung palalayasin nila ako rito o kung kakaladkarin nila ako patungo sa police station dahil sa pagti-trespass pero ipinapanalangin kong sana may kaunting awa naman lang silang maramdaman para sa akin.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pinag-uusapan nila pero nauwi sila sa kasunduang… ihahatid ata ako pauwi na sobra kong tahimik na ipinagpasalamat dahil gustong-gusto ko na talagang maka-alis dito.

"I think I should be the one to take her," Jimin said after of their long talk that none of it mattered since I didn't understand them, but then, thanks to RM and Jin for giving me hints.

"That's a good idea, Jimin. Since you were the one who brought her here, you should take her home and make sure she's safe," RM said, giving me an assuring smile that I would be fine with Jimin.

It was heart-warming.

That was why I ended up with Jimin taking a cab for me outside the BH Entertainment. At habang nangyayari iyon, pakiramdam ko ako ang pinakamagandang babaeng nabubuhay ngayon dahil hindi man niya ako hinatid hanggang sa hotel na tinutuluyan ko ay napakasuwerte ko pa rin dahil si Jimin iyon, ang makita siya ay sobra-sobra na.

That was how it had really gone.

Hinaplos ko ang Polaroid camera ko habang nakaingisi, totally forgetting about the issue.

"You did a good job back there," I said smiling crazily, talking insanely to the camera. Inilapag ko ito pagkatapos at ang jacket naman ang pinagtuunan ko ng pansin. From one of its front pocket, I slid my hand inside. Nakapa ko ang isang malapad na bagay. I took it out with a huge grin now.

It was the developed photo of the BTS.

I giggled as I saw it. I had the perfect timing back then. Hinawakan ko sa magkabilang kamay ang larawan habang iniisa-isa ang mga hitsura nila. I hadn't had the chance to see this when I had taken this photo, so this was the right chance.

Sa larawan, halos lahat sila ay unprepared sa ginawa ko dahil hindi naman talaga nila inasahan iyon, kahit naman ako. I really tended to act without thinking, just out of my impulse.

Nakapikit si Taehyung at nakangiwi, his mouth forming a perfect rectangular frown while Yoongi remained emotionless with those lazy eyes as if he was expecting it, though I knew he wasn't. Si Jungkook ay nanlalaki ang mga mata at napaka-cute niya! He really looked so shook! Si J-Hope naman ay nakapikit ang isang mata habang nakangiwi. RM had his eyes narrowed a little, his mouth was stretching for a supposedly frown and I had only got half of Jin's body since he was just near me, basically, just in front of me that time. While Jimin had his one arm covering his eyes.

This was BTS.

I might not see them again, at least, I got this one.

Matapos ang matagumpay naming pagha-handle ng tour, binigyan kami ni Miss Alecia ng pagkakataong pasyalan ang ilang magagandang lugar sa Seoul. We still had days to enjoy the city. Dahil nakatakda na ang pagbabalik namin sa Korea sa ika-apat na araw after today.

Robert Rogelio ang Alexis Levinia together with their managers and assistants had to come back to the Philippines early in the morning since they had pending works left in there. They were actually very busy.

"You know what? I'm starting to get suspicious of you…" Pinanliitan ako ng mga mata ni Chelsea nang sa hindi mabilang na pagkakataon, tinanggihan ko na naman siya.

"You see, Chels. I just don't want to go far from the hotel. Dito na lang tayo, marami namang magagandang puntahan dito e. 'Di ba gusto mong pumunta sa cosmetic store na nakita natin noon? Let's go, I think I should try Korean cosmetics," pagpupumilit ko sa kaniya. Kahit na wala akong balak palitan ang cosmetic brand na gamit ko, I thought I should spend a little money to add up on this little skit I was doing.

I couldn't let her drag me near the BH Ent. Building again. I still wanted to have a happy life, away from trouble, and if that meant, away from BTS, away from Jimin then I would take it. I would endure it. Because still… hoping for him was still a very hopeless case. We were both a dead end. We were impossible.

"Are you sure…?" she said still suspiciously. Tumango ako kaya bumuntong-hininga siya. It was a sigh of defeat and surrender. Siya na ang nauna at sumunod na ako sa kaniya.

Malapit sa hotel ay may mall. That was why we chose the hotel because of its conveniences. Bukod sa malapit lang ito sa pinagganapan ng concert ay maraming mga establisimiyentong malapit dito.

Nagbago ang isip ni Chelsea. Hindi kami sa cosmetic store pumunta dahil masyadong magulo ang utak niya at naisipan niyang mas maraming choices sa loob ng mall. So we went to the mall. Aniya ay baka raw may ilang cosmetic stores sa loob at tama nga siya. Étude House elegantly and expensively stood in the sea of other cosmetic stores. Doon kami pumasok. We were met by pink surroundings. I hadn't tried their products but most of the girls I knew were using Étude.

"Hala, ito yung gamit ni Dara oh. Tingnan mo, this is the color!" Tuwang-tuwa si Chelsea nang makita ang isang lipstick. True enough, I had seen Dara's Étude commercial, it was the same product. Pero isa lang naman ang kulay na iyon sa dami ng mga Étude commercial ni Dara.

"Ah, Chels, restroom muna ako. Liquid… waste," bulong ko sa kaniya nang makaramdam ako ng pagka-ihi habang busy siya sa pagtingin ng mga lipstick. She nodded without looking at me so I took that as a yes.

Lumabas ako ng store at hinanap ang restroom. Medyo nahirapan ako dahil hindi naman nakasulat sa English ang mga sign and directions so I just had to rely on some images. Basta may sign ng babae at lalaking human stick, iyon na ang restroom.

Luckily, nahanap ko rin ang banyo matapos ang ilang nakakahilong hanapan ng signs. Nakaka-inis din minsan ang pagiging patriotic ng mga Koreans. They really loved their country. Hindi man lang sila gumamit ng English language for the signs para sa mga turista. On the second, wala na dapat akong pake pa roon. I just had to use the restroom.

Namangha ako sa ganda ng banyo. Sabagay, Korea had the most developed and modernized system than any other countries in the Asia, well one of them I meant. na nakakapag-takang makita ang kagandahan nito dahil may ilan ng patunay sa mga K-Dramas na napapanood ko.

I occupied one cubicle and wasted some liquids. Nang matapos ako ay nag-ayos muna ako ng sarili. I finger-combed my little messy short hair. Nakapugong ako pero may ilang mga baby hairs sa parehong gilid ng tainga ko maging sa batok ko ang nalalaglag dahil hindi kayang sakupin ng ponytail ko at hindi naman kahabaan ang buhok ko kaya nagsisilaglagan sila… so I just let them off.

I applied a pink lip tint on life my dry lips. Napansin ko ang pagiging blooming ng kutis ko. Ume-epekto na ba sa wakas ang brand soap na gamit ko, o sadyang nakakaganda lang ng kutis ang klima ng Korea? Masaya sigurong manirahan dito for good.

When I thought I was all set, lumabas na ako ng banyo.

"How are you?"

Napatalon ako sa gulat nang marinig ang pamilyar na tinig na iyon. If that was just again a dream, then my mind must be playing pranks with me once again but his smell, it couldn't be just a dream. It was not possible for dream and hallucination to cater smells.

Nahigit ko ang paghinga ko as I was torn between two things… would I turn to look or would I run to save my life.

The familiar scent started invading my nose. Oh my gosh, I had only seen him once but I freaking missed him already! Was it even possible? Was it even legal?

As I was torn between those two things, two of my major functional organs were battling that almost made me crazy. My heart kept on shouting to turn around but my mind was scolding me to run away. And don't ever ask me how did I know that because I was getting crazy!

I wanted to keep my promise to myself that I would stay away from troubles but I also wanted to follow my heart, just once more. Hindi naman siguro masamang baliin ang ipinangako ko sa sarili ko, isang beses lang naman. I could still build that promise back but this chance was a once in a lifetime.

Jimin was a once in a life time. He was my once in a blue moon. My rarely. My impossible. So I really had to take this chance until before this dream-like moment faded.

So following the will of my heart, I slowly turned to look at him. Jimin once again made me breathless.

Nakasandal siya sa puting dingding ng banyo at nakahalukipkip. He was wearing a black long tee covered with a black jacket again, khaki shorts on the bottom and a pair of Timberland shoes. May suot siyang itim na cap at itim na mask para i-disguise ang sarili niya. He was a public figure, after all. His good smell soothed all over my nose. Naligo ba ang koreyanong ito ng pabango?

And why did he have to be this gorgeous? Aware ba siya na napakaguwapo niya? How could he even breathe with that face? Or was he even aware of how handsome he was? Crap, he could save a universe with that face! He could save humanity! But in my case… he would take me into my most incurable insanity.

"You… really a fan?" Tumayo siya ng maayos bago hirap na makabuo ng isang sentence sa Ingles.

Unti-unti akong napanganga sa narinig ko sa kaniya. Unti-unti kong naramdaman ang pagsikip ng dibdib ko. Nagbara ang lalamunan ko sa hindi ko malamang dahilan habang nakatitig ako pabalik sa mga mata niyang walang emosyon.

He didn't look like joking or confused, he was just plain asking. And crap, it hurt me!

"I… I am…" I trailed off because I needed air.

I thought I got this thing clear to them but why was it that I felt pathetically defensive repeating my answer to him again? I felt accused. I felt untrusted.

I had never felt this pathetic before. I wanted to defend myself and tell him the truth but my voice wouldn't just come out, as if it was afraid that when he heard the truth, he wouldn't believe me in the end.

That was even more devastating.