Chapter Seventy-three

Sinulyapan ko ang mga taong gustong lumapit sa amin ngunit hinaharang sila ng mga guards ng Bighit kung kaya't nakontento na lang sila sa pagkuha ng litrato sa amin.

Somehow, I thanked Jimin for being ready for all this. I thanked him for this mask and hoodie so my bare face wouldn't be broadcasted around the showbiz news of Korea.

Sunod ay itinoon ko na ang atensyon ko kay Jimin na ngayon ay nasa labas pa rin ng sasakyan. He just finished talking to someone on his phone. Sumungaw ako sa bintana at nagtatakang tiningnan siya nang seryoso siyang tumitig pabalik sa akin. Hindi pa ba siya papasok?

"Jimin-ah, get inside now!" sigaw ni Namjoon mula sa likod. Nasa loob na rin silang lahat at si Jimin na lang ang nasa labas.

Nanatiling nakatitig sa akin si Jimin na para bang hindi niya narinig si Namjoon. His eyes were the reflection of softness and gentleness but for some reason, I could see something from his eyes. Something I couldn't name yet but a bit bothering.

"What's wrong?" I asked him in a soft voice. Lumapit siya sa nakasarang pinto at hinawakan ang ibabang parte ng bintanang hawak ko rin. He put his hands on top of mine as he softly squeezed them a bit and smiled, the assuring one, though, his eyes remained guarded.

Something unusual. Madalas ni-re-reflect ng mga mata niya ang kung anong naramdaman o iniisip niya, but now, I couldn't just dive into his eyes and be welcomed, and that was a thing worth bothering me.

"I just have to go back inside, misseu. The president has called for me," banayad niyang sagot sa malambot na tinig. "For now, you should go first. I will be there," dagdag niya saka muling pinisil ang mga kamay ko. Sumungaw siya sa loob ng sasakyan at binigyan ng kung anong tingin ang mga nasa loob bago ko sila makitang nagsitanguan at nang muli akong bumaling kay Jimin.

What he did next surprised me.

Banayad niyang binaba ang mask na suot ko at marahang hinawakan ang mga pisngi ko para patakan ng mabilis na halik ang mga labi ko. He did that in this very open space, with media fishing on us around and with cameras flashing around us. Tinapik na niya ang gilid ng sasakyan para umandar na ito pagkatapos.

Wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang sundan na lang siya ng tingin. I even saw him turn to the entrance of the building as reporters hurried into him and the guards immediately blocked them.

Why… why was I hurting? Bakit pakiramdam ko, may hindi magandang mangyayari? The unknown something from his eyes. What was it? Why did I feel very bothered? He would be okay, right? He should be.

I knew, we were now the center of attention of the media and I was fine since he stood up for me in front of his manager and in front of the reporters but something wasn't just calming my system.

Who says it's just that easy? You're now crossing the boarder, Hanselle. You may end up wounded. You may end up hurting, 'cause it's the world's opinion now that you're trying to cross. My inner Goddess didn't even try to make me feel better.

Habang nasa biyahe ay tahimik lang ako at iniisip ang mga maaaring mangyari na ngayon. Sometimes, Jungkook and Taehyung who were just beside me here in the front seat would try to start a conversation but I was just too bothered that I couldn't answer them properly. Ang iba ay nag-uusap-usap din at may sariling mga mundo.

When the van stopped beside the lane of a familiar street and in front of a familiar house, I immediately opened the door. Magga-gabi pa lang. I still had time to fix my things since alas-nuwebe pa naman ang flight namin ng kapatid ko ngayong gabi.

Nang lumabas ako ay lumabas rin sila ng sasakyan. I bit my lower lip as they filled the porch of the house. Surely, our neighbors would get jealous at the sight of these six handsome men at our house. Pero wala na akong panahon pa para isipin iyon dahil mas nag-aalala ako kung maaabutan ni Evah ang mga ito dito, lalo na si Namjoon

Maaga pa naman kaya malamang ay nasa trabaho pa si Evah since these past few days, she often went home late but I couldn't really bring chaos in their now peaceful and separate worlds.

"You should go in," Jin said, pointing the house for me.

Tumango ako habang iniisip kung tama bang pumasok ako nang hindi sila inaanyayahang pumasok. It would be really rude of me to send them away just like that.

I'm sorry, Evah, but I promise to send them away before you get home.

Naisip kong imbitahan muna sila hanggang wala pa si Evah, makapagkape man lang sila o makainom ng tubig. Umatras ako at inilahad sa kanila ang pinto. "Get in first," yaya ko sa kanila at hindi naman sila tumanggi. I even saw how Jungkook and Taehyung bumped their palms with each other behind their friends' backs. Seemed like I unconsciously did them a favor.

Tsk, ARMYs would really cry their eyes out if they found out that the BTS maknae line was out and dating.

Inaasahan kong nasa bahay na sina Aly at Holly mula sa kanilang pamamasyal kaya hindi na ako nagtaka nang makarinig ako ng ingay mula sa sala. I just silently lead the boys inside the house. They cheerfully took their shoes off at the door leaving their socks on, they were all wearing black socks anyway. Iniwan ko ang jacket ko sa gilid ng pinto at ganoon din ang ginawa nila. Naabutan namin sina Aly, Holly at Em sa living room at mukhang nagkakasiyahan. Puno ng pagkain ang pabilog na mesa at may ilang paper bags sa sahig, sa gilid ng long couch.

I didn't know Em was home. Medyo komplikado na ang schedule niya ngayon dahil not fixed, kaya madalas late na siya dumarating kung minsan naman ay maaga. Siguro ay maluwag ang schedule niya ngayon kaya nandito na siya.

Nilingon ko ang mga bisita namin at lihim akong natawa nang makitang nagsisikuan sina Jungkook at Taehyung. Oh, these lover boys were so obvious!

Si Aly ang unang nakapansin sa amin kaya ngumiti ako sa kaniya. Tumayo siya at hindi na nagulat nang makita ang mga kasama ko, mukhang sanay na siya sa ganitong pagkakataon.  Sabagay, sinanay sila nina Jungkook at Taehyung.

"Hanselle, mamayang gabi na ang flight niyo, 'di ba? You should fix your things," ani Aly saka siya yumuko para batiin ang mga kasama ko. Hindi naman siya yumuyuko sa akin so paniguradong para iyon sa BTS.

In exchange, yumuko rin ang mga ito sa kaniya. Si Em ay tumitig lang at hindi naman nagbigay ng kahit na anong reaksiyon. Well, my sister, since she hadn't met the other members yet, she had her eyes wide open and her jaw drop. Dapat na siyang masanay, though maiintindihan ko kung mahihirapan siyang i-absorb ang lahat dahil kahit naman ako noon, nahirapan din. Lalo na at mas fan siya ng BTS kaysa sa akin.

Marahan akong tumango kay Aly. "Could you entertain them first? Mag-iimpake lang ako ng gamit," sabi ko.

Aly smiled widely at me while nodding her head. "No problem…" She trailed off. Sinilip niya ang mga nasa likod ko bago kumunot ang noo niya. "Nasaan ang boyfriend mo?" she asked, confusedly.

"He'll be here. Pasok na ako." I told her, trying to stop myself from sighing deeply.  Tumango siya at hinayaan na akong maka-alis ngunit hindi pa man ako nakakapasok sa kuwarto namin ni Em ay bumukas na ang pinto ng kuwarto nina Aly at Evah.

"Girls, si Hanselle na ba iyan—" Evah stopped on her track as her eyes darted to the boys who were low-key crowding now our not so big living room.  Sa laglag na mga balikat ay mariing nagsara ang mga labi niya at dumilim ang mga mata habang nakatayo sa pinto ng kuwarto nila ni Aly. Both horror and rage quickly mixed her pitch black eyes. At alam ko kung para kanino ang mga iyon.

Nilingon ko ang kinaroroonan ng mga bisita at nakita kong natigil sa pag-upo si Namjoon na ngayon ay nanlalaki ang mga matang nakatitig din kay Evah. His eyes were mixed with surprise and an unknown emotion I couldn't name.

I mentally face-palmed.

Gosh, Hanselle, you made their reunion possible! My inner Goddess scolded me.

Bringing the BTS with me, wasn't a mistake but bringing Namjoon here was!

"E-Excuse me," Evah even barely uttered. Kumalabog ang dibdib ko nang nagmamadaling umikot si Evah para muling bumalik sa kuwarto at pabagsak na isinara ang pinto. I just stared at the closed door, feeling very guilty and failed.

My mind battled whether I should follow her or just let her be for now.

"What's with her?" takang tanong ni Em habang takang nakatingin sa pinto ng kuwarto nina Aly at Evah.

"Jungkookie~!" Masayang boses ni Holly ang pumutol sa magulong sitwasyon na ngayon ay excited na lumapit kay Jungkook na nakatitig kanina pa kay Em.

Nang nilingon ko si Namjoon ay nakita kong nakatitig siya sa akin sa nagtatanong na mga mata. Though I could hint anger and pain through his orbs, confusion was what more evident. I sighed deeply feeling so tired, bothered and guilty all at the same time. I apologetically stared at him as I slowly turned to go inside Em's room.

Their story was theirs to mind.

Hindi ko gustong makisali. Maiintindihan ko rin kung magagalit sa akin si Namjoon dahil hindi ko sinabi sa kaniya na kilala ko ang babaeng mahal niya. I did that for them too. Though I was sorry for making their meeting this absurd and very sudden. I just hoped, they were both fine now.

Binagabag ako ng isipan ko hanggang sa matapos akong mag-impake. I wondered if Evah went out of the room and already faced Namjoon. I wondered if they acted out of their emotions or ignored each other. I wondered if they still had feelings for each other. I didn't even know what to think or what to do if I were in her shoes.

Magagawa ko bang harapin si Namjoon matapos ang lahat? Kung ako ba si Evah, magagawa ko bang pakitunguhan si Namjoon na parang walang nangyari? Hindi ko alam, sa totoo lang.

Iba ang nadatnan ko paglabas ko ng silid matapos akong mag-ayos ng gamit. Kaya pala tahimik na dahil wala na sila. Si Jimin na lang ang nakita kong nasa living room, tahimik na naka-upo sa sofa at mukhang sobrang lalim ng iniisip dahil sa layo ng nararating ng tingin niya. He was staring at the television but I could see his stares passing through it.

Nilingon ko ang pinto ng kuwarto nina Aly at Evah. I still felt really sorry for her, for them. No, I didn't pity them. I just didn't want them to meet that way. Hindi pa ready si Evah. Or maybe both of them. Bumalik ang tingin ko kay Jimin. Nakatitig pa rin siya sa nakapatay na TV at hindi pa rin ako napapansin. I walked towards him and I softly tapped his shoulder.

He flinched a bit, surprised at what I did. Nang nilingon niya ako ay nagpakawala siya ng malalim na buntong-hininga na ikinakunot ng noo ko. What was that for?

"Where are they?" tanong ko. I carefully watched his reactions but when he smiled, my heart started hammering. What the hell?! How could my heart react that way even when he only smiled! I knew he was illegal but I should be used right?

I ignored the chaos in my heart and gave my full attention to him. I wanted to know why he was acting strange, ah no, he was not but I could see from his eyes that there was something bothering him. Couldn't he tell it to me? Because I was bothered too.

"They went out for dinner. Let's go, they must have been waiting for us," sagot niya nang tumayo na siya. His eyes roamed around my body as he tilted his head and pursed his lips.

Hindi pa naman ako nagpapalit. Inalis ko lang ang suot kong jacket na pinasuot niya sa akin kanina at iyong mask. Lumagpas ang tingin ko sa may gilid ng pinto at naroon pa rin sa sabitan ang jacket. But my head quickly swung back to him as I realized something.

"Wait, they went out, as in all of them? My three friends and my sister are there?" paninigurado ko at binigyang muli ng tingin ang pinto ng kuwarto nina Aly, making sure Evah was with them and not locking herself in their room, planning to avoid Namjoon.

That would be so immature.

"Yes." Tumango siya saka muling pinasadahan ng tingin ang katawan ko. "I'm bothered with your clothes." He spilled as he glared at my white v-neck shirt down my faded jeans.

All of the clothes I brought were like this. V-neck shirts and jeans. May mga pinamili naman kami ni Holly but most of them were dresses because I planned to wear them at work.

"Why?" Kumunot ang noo ko dahil wala naman akong nakikitang mali sa suot ko.

He exasperatedly sighed and shook his head just as I thought, he was going to say something. Nauna na siyang maglakad at nagtataka man ay sumunod na ako sa kaniya. Inabot ko ang jacket na nasa gilid ng pinto at lumabas na kami ng bahay.

Nagtungo kami sa restaurant kung nasaan sina Aly. It wasn't so grand. Para lang din siyang kagaya ng kinainan naming chicken restaurant noong nakaraan at hindi sikat. Nagsimula na namang kumabalabog ang dibdib ko sa kaba sa ideyang maaaring magkasama sa iisang table sina Namjoon at Evah with those people being oblivious of their tension.

Agad na nagbatian ang BTS nang dumating kami. They provided space for us. Mababa lang ang mahabang mesang kinaroroonan namin at sa sahig kami uupo. May mga pagkain na sa mesa. Pakiramdam ko, may fiesta sa dami ng mga in-order nila.

I pursed my lips as I saw Namjoon and Evah occupying both the edges of the table. With that, I could feel an unspoken rule being delivered and agreed. It was like they were stating that they should keep a safe distance from each other. Sa haba ng mesa ay talagang napakalayo nila sa isa't isa.

Si Aly at Em ang katabi ni Evah sa kaliwang bahagi niya habang si Holly naman ang nasa kanan, nasa tabi ni Holly ang espasyong para sa amin ni Jimin.

Sinulyapan ko si Evah na tahimik na kumakain. Kagaya niya, kumakain lang din sina Aly at Em at mukhang wala talagang alam sa nangyayari. Minsan ay nahuhuli ko ang pasulyap-sulyap ni Taehyung kay Aly, since magkatabi lang naman sila.

"Hanselle-ssi, your sister is just like you. She can't use chopsticks too," natatawang sabi ni Jin na siyang nasa kanang bahagi ni Namjoon, katabi niya si Jungkook, kasunod ay si Taehyung at sina Aly at Em na. Ang nasa kaliwang bahagi ni Namjoon ay si Yoongi, sa tabi ni Yoongi ay si Hoseok at kami na ni Jimin and then Holly.

Napansin kong kutsara't tinidor ang hawak ni Holly, bukod pa roon ay may kutsara't tinidor na nakapatong sa tissue rin sa harap ko.

"Of course!" Sinubukan kong lagyan ng humor ang boses ko. I even smiled widely. I was guilty! Very guilty, alright! Pauwi na nga ako ng Pilipinas tapos mag-iiwan pa ako ng problema kay Evah! Hindi pa nakatulong na sila lang ang hindi nag-uusap habang mabibong nag-uusap ang lahat.

Buong oras sa pagkain ay hindi talaga ako mapakali. Pakiramdam ko, mahihirapan ang tiyan ko na i-digest ang mga kinain ko dahil sa nararamdaman ko. They drank a bit too. Alcohol would always be in the package. Hindi iyon mawawala. Uminom din kami pareho ni Jimin.

"Let's celebrate for Jimin and Hanselle-ssi!" Jin raised his glass.

All of us raised our glasses of beers, except for my sister, who raised her glass of lemon juice. Syempre, I couldn't drink too much. May biyahe kami ng kapatid ko. Ayaw ko namang sumakay ng eroplano tapos sumasakit ang ulo ko dahil sa kalasingan. Though, nag-aalala ako para kay Evah.

Ngumiwi ako nang makitang tinungga niya ang basong puno ng beer. Hindi ko na nasundan kung pang ilan na iyon. Basta ang alam ko, marami na siyang nainom. Kaunti lang sana ang iinumin ng lahat pero hindi siya mapigilan sa pag-order ng beer!

"Aly, I think you should stop her…" I told Aly who was just happily talking with Taehyung. I could hint Jungkook wanting to talk to Em but he was two persons away from her.

Natatawang nilingon ako ni Aly. "Hayaan mo na, Hanselle. Minsan lang iyan uminom. Isa pa, mataas ang alcohol tolerance niyan," ani Aly na wala paring kamalay-malay sa talagang nangyayari.

Yes, but she also had limits! Kahit pa gaano kataas ang alcohol tolerance ng isang tao, may limit pa rin kung sobrang dami na ng nainom.

Sinulyapan ko si Namjoon. Kunot ang noo niya habang pinagmamasdan si Evah. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa kamay niyang nasa mesa. I had to gulp hard when I saw how tight he was closing his fist.

"Stop her," matigas na sabi ni Namjoon ngunit walang pumansin sa kaniya.  Hindi ko siya naintindihan pero sinasabi ng instinct ko na kung hindi ko pa pipigilan si Evah ay baka mag-transform na si Namjoon sa pagiging Beast.

Since Evah, metaphorically, was Belle.

"Thank, Jin," I thanked Jin the moment he gently put Evah on the bed.

Sobrang lasing na ito at mukhang hindi na kayang tumayo para mag-ayos ng sarili. Sana lang hindi siya awayin ni Namjoon dahil siya ang pinili kong magbuhat kay Evah kahit na umaaligid na si Namjoon sa tabi ni Evah kanina.

"It's fine. She isn't that heavy," pabiro niyang sinabi.

Matapos kong ayusin ang comforter ni Evah ay iniwan na namin siya. Bumalik ako sa kuwarto dahil maliligo na ako. Tapos na siguro si Holly. Mag-aalas-siyete na. Alas-nuebe ang oras ng flight namin. I just hoped, I just really hoped that whatever was in between Evah and Namjoon, they would handle it wisely. They still had feelings for each other, but sometimes, it wasn't just enough. Lalo na at may mga sarili na silang buhay.

What if Namjoon was now ready for her? Nagsisimula pa lang si Evah sa pagtahak sa talagang gusto niyang gawin. What if she didn't want Namjoon to be in that journey, or in her life for good?

Nahinto ako sa pagbubukas ng bag ko para ilabas ang damit na isusuot ko dahil sa pagbubukas ng pinto. I thought it was Em, that was why I got shocked when I saw Jimin. Tahimik siyang naglakad palapit sa akin. His eyes fell to my bag. Pero saglit lang iyon dahil bumalik din ang mga mata niya sa mga mata ko.

"I am going to check in the same flight with you there," banayad niyang sabi, sa sobrang lambot ng boses niya ay para bang natatakot siya sa sasabihin ko kapag narinig ko siya.

Tumayo ako at hinawakan ang kamay niya. I pulled him to sit on the edge of the bed. Naupo kami sa gilid. Sinubukan kong maging kalmado kahit na hindi ko inaasahan ito. I just didn't want to pressure him when he was feeling nervous because of his own idea.

"You don't have to do this," iling ko. I spent those days with him because we would be parting ways again, I thought that was enough? I didn't know what he was thinking. Ito ba ang mga iniisip niya kaya para bang bothered siya simula pa kanina? Was this the something I was seeing on his eyes?

Umiling siya. "Our manager gave us enough time to rest. And I want to spend it with you," aniya. Sobrang lambot ng boses niya. Sinasadya niya ba ito para hindi ako maka-hindi? Because crap, I just wanted to get dragged and agree to everything he said!

"What about your practices? Jimin, you'll be having a comeback," sagot ko. Naiisip ko pa lang na handa siyang iwan ang mga trabaho niya rito para lang sumama sa akin sa Pilipinas ay nasasaktan na ako.

Of course, I would want him to go with me, but how about his work? His co-members? His management?

"The comeback will be next year."

Tumunog ang phone ko para sa isang tawag habang nag-uusap sina Jimin at ang buong BTS sa lobby ng airport. Hanggang dito na lang sila. Hindi na nila kami ma-ihahatid pa hanggang sa loob. Sina Aly at Em ay gustong sumama para ihatid kami pero sinabi kong huwag na dahil maaga pa ang pasok nila bukas.

Isa pa, walang kasama si Evah sa bahay.

Agad kong sinagot ang tawag nang makitang si Papang iyon.

["Hello 'nak, Hanselle? Magpapadala ako ng driver sa NAIA. Where's your sister?"] bungad kaagad ni Papang.

Sinulyapan ko si Holly na naka-upo sa stroller niya at humihikab. "Huwag na, Pang. We can just get a taxi. Sa bahay na po muna si Holly. Ipapahatid ko siya riyan bukas," sagot ko kay Papang bago sulyapan naman ang kinaroroonan nina Jimin.

I couldn't believe he was really going with us. He even had all this prepared. Hindi ko alam kung sadyang may nakahanda nang bag parati sa service van nila o may balak talaga siyang sumama sa akin kaya niya hinanda iyon. Tanging backpack lang ang dala niya.

Hindi ko puwedeng hayaan si Papang na magpadala ng magsusundo sa amin sa airport. We were with Jimin.  Ano na lang ang sasabihin ni Papang kapag nalaman niya mula sa driver na may kasama kami? At lalaki pa?

Luckily, nagawang makapag-check in ni Jimin sa parehong flight ng sa amin ni Holly.

["Are you sure? Midnight ang lapag niyo, baka wala na kayong masakyan,"] bakas ang pagtataka at pag-aalala sa boses ni Papang.

"I doubt it, Pang. Airport po iyon, cabs are everywhere," sigurado kong sagot.

[Okay, okay. Hindi ko na kakausapin ang kapatid mo. Mag-iingat kayo. Call me when you land in Manila.]

Natapos ang pag-uusap namin ni Papang ngunit muling tumunog ang phone ko.  This time, it was for Chelsea's call. I answered it.

"Chels," bungad ko.

["Are you boarding now? Gusto mo sunduin ko kayo?"] Chelsea asked. Napangiti ako. Hindi ako makapaniwalang napapalibutan ako ng mga mababait na kaibigan ngayon when all my life, I never had one.

"Hating-gabi na ang lapag namin sa Manila, Chels. Huwag na. Just see you tomorrow," natatawang sagot ko.

["Sigurado ka? Nakita ko iyong mga bagong issue ngayon sa pagitan niyo ni Jimin. You're lucky your face isn't revealed. Softies are in raged. They're all leaving bad comments on every article involving you two. Ganoon din ang ibang ARMYs. They say you're a third party and Jimin cheated on Sally with you,"] mahabang sabi ni Chelsea sa kabilang linya. Worry obviously reigned on her tone.

Hindi ko alam kung dapat ko bang ipagpasalamat na hindi pinag-aaksayahan ng Kuya ko o ng kahit ng parents ko ang panonood ng mga Korean Dramas at pagsubaybay sa social media involving K-Pop. Ni hindi sila aware sa showbiz news sa Pilipinas! I was thankful that they were more concern about the The Manila Bulletin issues, business matters and law updates.

"We can't stop people from thinking what they want to think, Chels. You're right, I'm lucky, and let's just be thankful for that. At least, naklaro na ni Jimin sa lahat na hindi totoo ang relasyon nila ni Sally." Tumayo ako ng tuwid nang makitang nagtatapikan na ng likod matapos magyakapan ang BTS.

["OMG! You're still very lucky because of Jimin! Ay naku, bumalik ka na nga rito nang ma-ikuwento mo sa akin ang lahat!"] pasigaw niyang sabi sa kabilang linya.

Bumuntong-hininga ako. "I need to go now, Chels. See you tomorrow." I then ended the call.

Hindi ko na muna binanggit kay Chelsea na kasama namin si Jimin. I still didn't think that this was a good idea. Masaya akong kasama ko siya pero pakiramdam ko, inilalayo ko siya sa trabaho niya. Was this really fine? Could Jimin really go with us? Was it really fine that he would go with us? Hindi ko alam ang tinatakbo ng isipan niya. Bakit biglaan naman yata?

Noong nakaraan lang ay pumayag siyang makasama ako sa huling tatlong araw namin dito tapos ngayon, sasama pala siya. Kaya't nang tinawag na ang flight namin at tumawid na kami sa gates, napagtanto kong totoo na ito at desidido nga siyang sumama sa akin.

At seryoso, hindi maganda ang kutob ko rito.