Chapter Sixty-seven

I was worried, crap!

Why would Namjoon act that way towards Jimin? It seemed to me like he was checking for Jimin's temperature and it was only being done when you were checking of someone who was sick!

Kaya nang matapos ang event at makalabas na kami sa dome ay mabilis kong hinanap ang direksyon patungo sa maaaring daang magdadala sa akin kay Jimin. Hinayaan kong gumana ang impulse ko at kontrolin ako ng pag-aalala.

"Wait, Ate Hanselle. Saan ka pupunta?" Holly asked me when I left her and ran quickly to the direction opposite of the exit. I needed to see him. What if he was really not feeling well?

Crap, hindi niya dapat inaabuso ang katawan niya.

Hindi ko alam ang daan patungo sa backstage pero nagpasya pa rin akong tahakin ang direksyong iyon para hanapin siya o kahit ang dressing room man lang ng BTS.

"Sandali, Ate!" Narinig kong tawag sa akin ni Holly ngunit nagpatuloy pa rin ako. Lumiko ako sa isang hallway. Walang tao. I was sure, the staffs were busy with the after event. Sana lang tama ang daang tinatahak ko. "Ate, wait naman! Pupunta ka ba sa backstage?" My sister once again called me.

Nang nilingon ko siya ay nakita ko siyang nakasunod sa akin. "Yes!" simpleng sagot ko sa desididong tono.

Muli akong lumiko sa isa pang kanto at bumungad sa akin ang isa pang deserted na hallway. On the dead-end was a big closed door at may ilang elevators sa magkabilang gilid. But that was just a variable in this kind of situation… dahil hindi naman iyon ang mahalaga ngayon. Ang mahalaga ay ang dalawang taong magkausap sa tapat ng isang elevator, ilang metro ang layo sa akin.

They were too engulfed of their talking that was why they didn't notice me yet. Magkaharap sila at seryosong nag-uusap, the distance was keeping me from hearing what they could probably be talking. At hindi nagugustuhan ng sistema ko ang nakikitang lapit nila sa isa't isa.

Finally, not in TV screen or phone screen, Jimin and Sally together in front of my very eyes.

Napa-atras ako nang bahagya nang makita kong mabilis na lumapit si Sally kay Jimin at bigyan ito ng isang mabilis na halik sa labi… mga labing ako lang dapat ang humahalik.

It went flashing in slow motion right in front of my eyes. Mabilis lang iyon pero ang sakit na nasa dibdib ko ay pinabagal ang pangyayari. I could read both mixed emotions on Sally's face while she was looking fondly at Jimin. Para bang nakatingin siya sa lalaking sobrang hinahangaan at minamahal niya, alam ko, dahil ganoon ako tumingin kay Jimin. At ang mas masakit pa rito, damang-dama ko ang pagiging third party, querida, kabit o ano pang tawag doon. Because in everyone's eyes, yes, Jimin and Sally were dating, even in my eyes now.

"Yah, you can't kiss me," sobrang hina lang sa pandinig ko ang boses ni Jimin. I didn't know if it was because of the distance or he was just really tired. Hindi ko rin naintindihan ang sinabi niya.

My fist balled tightly as my heart sank painfully. Pakiramdam ko, nanonood ako ng isang confession scene sa isang K-Drama pero imbis na kiligin ay mas nasasaktan ako. I hardly pursed my lips to suppress a sob from escaping my mouth. Mabilis kong inangat ang braso ko para punasan ang mga mata ko.

I just wanted them to notice me now, I just wanted to ruin this scene and I just wanted them to be aware of my presence.

Akala ko ay si Jimin ang masosorpresa, ako pala ang masosorpresa niya, at sa napakasakit na paraan pa.

I slowly brought my other hand to my chest and hardly clutched it. I couldn't bear the pain.

"Ate!"

Immediately, Jimin and Sally turned their attention to me because of my sister's call.

Thanks, sis, that's what I needed. Tahimik kong pagpapasalamat sa kapatid ko dahil nasa akin na ang atensyon nina Jimin at Sally.

"H-Hanselle-ssi…" Jimin uttered, stunned, his mouth gaping opened and his eyes falling lovely yet guiltily at me.

Pinigilan ko ang sarili kong mapatitig sa mga labi niyang kanina lang ay dinampian ng mga labi ng babaeng kaharap niya. Gustong-gusto ko siyang takbuhin at talunin ng mahigpit na yakap pero hindi ngayong nasasaktan ako, at hindi ngayong nasa harap niya ang babaeng gusto ng maraming tao para sa kaniya.

I felt so defenseless and unprivileged. For the umpteenth time, he was hurting me again.

Bumuntong-hininga ako bago mabilis na pumihit patalikod para iwan na sila dahil kailangan ko iyon, kailangan ko ng space. Nilagpasan ko ang kapatid kong hinihingal at tinahak ang daang tinahak ko kanina, mentally thanking the situation for the lack of people here. I walked in a very fast pace, but ironically, I wanted him to run after me, I wanted him to reach me so that he could explain to me. I didn't know he could benefit with my paradoxical personality.

Crap, I still loved him even though he was hurting me so much!

"Misseu, wait!" Narinig kong sabi ni Jimin.

Mariin akong pumikit habang unti-unting bumabagal ang takbo ko. Sabi nila, love is a foolish thing. Nakakatawa. I would have to contradict that. Paano nila nasasabing tanga ang pag-ibig kung wala naman itong isip? Love is not a foolish thing but the people who are in love. And I really didn't mind being a fool because I was in love.

"Misseu." Muli kong narinig ang boses ni Jimin sa mahina at banayad na tono, mas malapit na ngayon at damang-dama ko ang pagod sa paos niyang boses.

Mariin akong pumikit ulit. I needed to save up all of my courage before I turned to face him. Masama ko siyang tiningnan kahit na namamasa pa ang mga mata ko dahil sa mga luhang pinipigilan ko. Sally kissed him! Para sa akin lang ang mga halik niya. I was greedy! I didn't share, and Jimin wasn't something to be shared with! At nakaka-inis dahil hinayaan niyang halikan siya ni Sally.

He stared back at me with mixed emotions, and I just really wanted to cry when I saw him looking at me the way Sally was looking at him a while ago. Pinaghalong sakit at gaan ang naramdaman ko. Nakatitig siya sa akin ngayon gamit ang malalambot na mga mata, mga matang punong-puno ng hindi ko matukoy na emosyon. And now I was soft for him.

Umatras ako nang akmang hahawakan niya ako. From behind his shoulder, I saw my sister blocking Sally from going our way. Umawang ang bibig niya at nalaglag ang mga mata niya kasabay nang pagbagsak ng mga kamay niya dahil sa ginawa ko. He looked even more guilty.

"Wipe your mouth," utos ko sa kaniya habang pinipigilan ang pagsinok. My eyes started watering again as the image of Sally pecking his lips once again flashed in my mind. Hindi ko iyon makakalimutan.

He gasped at what I said. "You… y-you saw—" He stopped when I nodded.

"I'm not going to pay the kiss I owed you." Umirap ako sa kaniya habang sinusubukang panatilihing galit ako dahil sa hitsura niya, hindi malabong bumigay ako lalo na at miss na miss ko siya.

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya. Agad niyang inangat ang isang braso niya at ginamit ang manggas ng suot niyang red and black long sleeves polo para punasan ang bibig niya. Napansin kong suot niya pa ang flannel polo na suot niya kanina. He was still wearing a makeup since I could see the dark eye shadow on his eyes. He then stared at me. Nagtatanong ang mga mata niyang hindi man lang kumukurap.

That… that eyes never failed to bring me to my most vulnerable state, they were always dragging me down my deepest downfall. At nakaka-inis lang kasi mukhang sa akin lang ume-epekto iyon.

He slowly took a step forward. Hindi ko na siya pinigilan pa nang subukan niyang abutin ang mga braso ko. His mouth gaped when his palm softly touched my skin and his breathe hitched. "You… you are r-real," he said, in a hitched breath.

Ako naman ang napanganga dahil sa sinabi niya. So all this time, he thought I was not real? I mentally chuckled, at least, I had surprised him after all.

"Why… why are you h-here?" he asked, surprised but still in a very low and soft voice. Hinahaplos-haplos niya ang mga braso ko na para bang pinapatunayang totoo nga ako at hindi ang kung anumang iniisip niya kanina.

"To surpri—" Naputol ang sinasabi ko ng isang matinis na tinig mula sa likod niya.

"Oppa~!"

We both heard Sally call him. Hinaharangan pa rin ng kapatid ko ang daan ni Sally para hindi siya makalapit sa amin.

And what…?

The anger in my heart that I shortly forgot once again went back as I again felt my fist ball and my chest rise and fall harshly. Nagtaas ako ng kilay kay Jimin bago ako umatras para kumawala sa hawak niya.

"Oppa…?" I asked him, sounded ridiculous with a mocked laugh at the end of my voice. "She's calling you 'oppa'? How sweet," dagdag ko pa saka ako humalukipkip. Gusto kong manabunot sa totoo lang. Hindi ko nga matawag-tawag na 'oppa' si Jimin, kahit nga ang tawagin siyang 'baby' ay hindi ko rin magawa. Tapos… tapos ang lakas ng loob ng babaeng iyan na tawagin si Jimin na 'oppa'.

For her information, hindi sila magkapatid!

"Misseu, she is younger than me, that's why," agad na paliwanag ni Jimin sa akin at nag-attempt muling abutin ko ngunit marahas akong umiling. Of course! Pero dahil alam kong may ibang malisya para kay Sally ang bagay na iyon, naiinis ako.

Just how dare she? Hindi ba niya alam na kumukulo pa rin ang dugo ko dahil sa paghalik niya sa boyfriend ko?

"Oh really? I'm younger than you, what should we do?" I sarcastically told him. Unti-unting gumuhit ang nahihiya ngunit mapaglarong ngiti sa mga labi niya na hindi ko inaakalang makikita ko pa sa mga oras na ito.

Hala siya! This wasn't the right time to be just smiling. Galit ako!

"That is why you are my b-baby…" He told me, trying to lift the atmosphere using his sweet smile but failing miserably because his eyes still looked so soft and tired.

"Wha—" I halted immediately. Napagtanto ko ang sinabi niya at pakiramdam ko ay umuusok na ang magkabilang pisngi ko dahil sa pag-iinit ng mga ito. "Jimin!" saway ko sa kaniya.

Mabilis siyang lumapit ulit sa akin kaya hindi na ako nakapalag nang abutin niya ang mga braso ko at hawakang muli. His palms felt unusually hot against my skin as he gently pulled me closer until I was leaning onto his body. Just like he usually did, he buried his face into my neck. His breath was hotter than the usual, the touch of his body was hotter than ever and his hug was softer than ever. Tumatagos sa suot niyang damit patungo sa katawan ko ang kakaibang init niya, kulang na lang ay umusok siya.

Bumagsak ang mga kamay niya mula sa pagkakahawak sa mga braso ko at nalaglag sa magkabilang gilid ko kasabay ng pagbuhos ng buong bigat niya sa akin, at ramdam na ramdam ko ang kalmado at maiinit niyang hininga sa leeg ko.

I remembered how there was something wrong with him earlier.

"Jimin?" I called him after his silence for a minute. Tinapik ko ng bahagya ang likod niya nang wala pa rin siyang imik. I creased my forehead as I softly cupped both of his face and lightly pulled him away from me. His face felt so hot against the touch of my palm. Pikit ang mga mata niya habang damang-dama ko ang pagtama ng mainit niyang hininga sa mukha ko. He was breathing heavy hot breaths that it could technically burn a skin.

"Jimin!" Niyugyog ko siya. "Jimin! Jimin! Oh my gosh, are you sick?" nag-aalalang tanong ko sa kaniya kasabay nang panghihina ng mga tuhod ko dahil hindi ko kayang suportahan ang bigat niya.

My knees gave up so I stumbled down the cold tiled ground while still holding him tightly. He fell down on my lap, unconscious and physically burning!

I knew it, he was sick!

"Are you sure you are fine?" Jin softly asked me as he turned off the stove while I stood near the table, preparing the bowls.

Nagulat ako sa ginawa niya dahil hindi ko alam na luto na pala iyong lugaw na niluluto ko, kung matatawag man iyong lugaw dahil hindi ako confident sa mga pinaggagawa ko though I made sure I properly followed the instructions my mother told me.

Jin had been here with me since I manipulated their kitchen as I was trying to be a good girlfriend for Jimin. Ipinagluto ko si Jimin ng lugaw dahil ngayon ang uwi niya galing sa hospital.

Na-ospital siya kagabi dahil inaapoy siya ng lagnat matapos niyang mawalan ng malay sa mga braso ko. Iyon ang dahilan kung bakit parang may mali sa kaniya habang on-going ang event kagabi. Mabuti na lang at lumitaw si Namjoon kagabi kung nasaan kami dahil masama kung ibang tao ang nakakita sa amin. Though it had pained me when I had seen Sally ride in the ambulance where Jimin was together with Namjoon. Pero sa sobrang pag-aalala ko kay Jimin ay nagawa kong isantabi iyon saka pa lang dumating ng iba pang BTS, keeping me comforting company with my sister.

I couldn't go to the hospital since there were lots of reporters there. Kaya nagpasya muna ang BTS na dalhin muna ko rito sa bahay nila. I had called Aly last night to get my sister since I wouldn't be fine until I heard of Jimin's condition and she had luckily agreed.

Buong gabi akong hindi mapakali habang kasama ko si Jin at Taehyung sa living room na naghihintay ng balita tungkol sa kalagayan ni Jimin. Walang may balak matulog sa amin dahil pare-pareho kaming nag-aalala.

"You should take a nap, Hanselle-ssi, Jimin's fine now. June has called." Zac told me that stopped me from nervously biting my thumbnail at that one corner of the living room.

"How's Jimin?" Napatayo ako at agad na lumapit sa kaniya na ibinubulsa na ang phone niya. I just couldn't sit still and wait for the update because I was seriously worried. Sa event pa lang ay napapansin ko na ang hindi magandang pakiramdam niya kaya naiiyak akong isipin na pinilit niyang maging okay kanina buong show para lang sa mga fans nila.

Just how badly he was feeling earlier, and just couldn't do anything but to smile and make their fans happy. Tapos nakuha ko pang magalit sa kaniya kanina! How stupid!

"He got a fever but the experts said he's now fine. He just needs a rest but Jimin doesn't want to rest at the hospital, he wants to go home." Marahang hinawakan niya ang balikat ko. "So you can calm down now. He's fine." He softly told me.

Nang sumikat na ang araw ay nagtungo si Jin sa hospital at si Hoseok naman ang pumalit sa kaniya rito sa bahay samantalang si Namjoon ay nanatili roon. Gusto ko sanang sumama sa kaniya kaso ay tumawag si Jimin at sinabing manatili na lang ako rito at hintayin siya.

["Ssh, don't cry, misseu, it makes me want to hit myself for worrying you."] Ang banayad at medyo paos na boses ni Jimin sa kabilang linya ang nakapagpagaan ng loob ko pero mas lalo lang akong naiyak. His voice was very soft that it was pushing me to cry even more. At talagang maiiyak ako dahil sobra akong nag-aalala tapos sa mga braso ko pa siya hinimatay kanina.

Just imagine how scared I was holding an unconscious and burning Jimin in my arms! I was near to hysterical!

"I wanna see y-you, Jimin," iyak ko na nagpalingon kay Taehyung sa akin mula sa paglalaro niya sa phone niya. Jin just stared sadly at me. Hindi siya maka-alis dahil kailangan niyang tawagan si Jimin para pigilan akong sumama sa kaniya.

["Nado, me too, baby, don't cry now jebbal. I will be there later, misseu, stop now."] He pampered me still in his soft but now hushing voice.

Matapos ang tawag ay hinayaan ko nang umalis si Jin at nagising na lang akong nasa bahay na si Hoseok. Hindi ko hinayaan si Jin na tulungan ako sa pagluluto dahil gusto kong gawin ito para kay Jimin.

Simula nang abutan niya akong nagluluto kanina pagdating niya galing sa hospital ay nakamasid lang siya sa bawat kilos ko, well sometimes telling me to use the stuff safely. He had tried lending a hand to me but I kept on refusing it. I had asked help from my mother about her recipe of chicken Arozcaldo. Kanina lang ay kausap ko pa siya sa phone at binibigyan ako ng instruction but when Zac had arrived, nagpaalam na ako kay Mamang since pakukuluan na lang naman.

"See? I'm done." I told him proudly while he stared at me with his brows raised. Finally, I had done something good inside this kitchen when I still could clearly remember how I had made inedible coffees here for them. Nagtungo ako sa stove para silipin ang niluto ko. Sana lang hindi masama ang lasa nitong lugaw na niluto ko. Hindi naman ako magluluto ng lugaw kung hindi para kay Jimin.

Naiisip kong baka hindi niya gusto ang mga pagkain sa ospital, because I could still remember how I hated hospital free meals when I got admitted due to a simple dysmenorrhea before.

Jin laughed femininely. "You could have burnt the kitchen if I didn't turn the stove off," natatawang sabi niya dahil siya ang pumatay ng stove

Ngumuso ako dahil hindi ko naman alam na dapat na pa lang patayin iyon. Seriously, ang masangkot sa kasong Arson ang pinakahuling gusto kong mangyari sa ngayon. Kailangan pa ako ni Jimin! At si Holly!

"Thanks, Jin." Nakitawa rin ako dahil sa totoo lang, tama siya roon at hindi ko iyon ma-itatanggi. Tinikman ko muna ang luto ko. I might as well taste this first because I couldn't let Jimin eat this if this tastes terrible. I guessed it was fine. I should judge my own taste.

"You're always welcome. You should get ready since Jimin will be here in just a minute. I will handle things here," ani Jin.

Umiling ako. "No need, Jin. I want to do this alone for Jimin," sabi ko nang akmang ililigpit na niya ang mga pinagkalatan ko sa mesa. Tinalikuran ko na siya para isalin sa isang deep bowl na hinanda ko kanina ang lugaw at nang hindi na siya maka-alma pa. Knowing him, he would insist. Pagkatapos ay inilapag ko ito sa mesa at tinakpan.

I then took off my apron and turned to him. "Done!" I told him happily, feeling so proud of myself.

Muling gumuhit ang malapad na ngiti sa mga labi niya. "Actually, I didn't expect you to act like a wife material." He meanly told me as if I was not the type of girl to really act like a wife.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko saka sumimangot sa kaniya. Alright, hindi naman iyon sikreto dahil alam nilang lahat na hindi talaga ako magaling sa kusina bukod sa paghuhugas ng mga pinggan pero tama ba namang sabihin iyon sa akin?

"Not all wives can cook!" pagtatanggol ko sa sarili ko kahit na alam ko sa sarili kong hindi ko naman talaga gawain ang ganito at hindi magbabago ang katotoohanang hindi ako marunong magluto.

He chuckled softly. "But still, Jimin is so lucky to have you. Maybe I should find someone so pretty like you too," sabi niya sabay kabit-balikat.

I didn't catch the last words he said so I knotted my forehead. "What?" takang tanong ko.

He shook his head. "If you are done, you should get ready," aniya at nauna nang lumabas ng kitchen.

Somehow, I missed this kitchen, though there wasn't a lot of happening here since I didn't cook when I was still living here with them, just those simple walks here remind me of this. Hindi pa rin naman nagbabago ang bahay. Sa refrigerator ay naroon pa rin sa carrot magnet ang larawan naming walo. Our first ever photo together. They still kept the photo. Maging ang mga kutsara't tinidor ko ay naroon pa rin sa lalagyan at nakahiwalay sa mga chopsticks, I had seen them earlier.

And to be honest, it flattered me. They all kept my memories despite my absence. Even my old room hadn't changed a bit. Malinis ang silid kahit na walang gumagamit. Hindi ko nga maintindihan kung bakit ayaw pang bumalik nina Taehyung at Jimin doon gayong sa kanila naman talaga ang kuwartong iyon.

The arrangement of the living room was still the same, the couches and the table, the television set. They were still on their places.

Later, I would check if my bathroom stuff were still there.

"Door," ani Jimin sa mahinang tinig habang inginunguso ang pinto nang pumasok ako sa kuwarto ko. Nagawa niyang itaboy ang mga kaibigan niya palabas ng kuwarto, saying he needed to rest, at pina-iwan ako kasama siya sa loob. Maging ang manager nila ay pinagtabuyan niya rin palabas. Hindi ko nga alam kung ikatutuwa ko ba iyon o ano. I was still not comfortable with their manager, but I also didn't want him to think anything now that Jimin and I were alone in this room.

"What?" I asked him, still not pleased about his current condition. Panigurado, pinabayaan na naman niya ang sarili niya. Exhaustion ang isa sa dahilan ng pagkakasakit niya.

I knew I couldn't stop him from working hard for his career, it was his dreams anyway, isa pa nandiyan na iyan bago pa ako dumating pero sana naman inaalagaan din niya ang sarili niya. I was really mad right now and still very worried.

"Could you close the door?" tanong niya habang itinuturo ang pinto. He really looked too fragile and vulnerable now that he was laying down on my white velvet bed with those funny plushies around him.

Nilingon ko ang nakasarang pinto. "It's closed." I blandly told him as I again turned to him.

"Ani, lock it," sabi niya sa medyo paos na tinig.

Kumunot ang noo ko ngunit hindi na ako nagtanong sa kaniya dahil naaawa rin naman ako sa kalagayan niya ngayon kahit na naiinis pa rin ako. I went to the door and locked it. Bumalik ako sa gilid ng kama pagkatapos. I couldn't help but sigh deeply as my sight stared past behind him where El Handor was. They looked good together.

"What have you been doing that you got very exhausted?" I asked him in a firm voice, trying to act furious. Humalukipkip ako at masamang tumitig sa kaniya kahit na ang gusto ko na lang talagang gawin ay ang lumapit sa kaniya at paliguan siya ng maraming halik.

He stared back at me with those tired eyes, the one I had seen last night before he had fainted in my arms. I backed away a bit feeling taken a back. How could I stay mad if he was staring at me like he was the most vulnerable person? Parang babagsak na ang mga mata niya, at nakaka-inis lang kasi gusto ko na lang talaga siyang ikulong sa mga yakap ko.

I just wanted to give him all the love and the world!

I sighed again, finding my situation very hopeless because I couldn't really afford to get mad at him. Kahit na naipon na ang mga atraso niya sa akin umpisa pa lang kay Sally ay kayang-kaya talagang lusawin ng mga titig niya ang galit na nararamdaman ko.

He had that power over me.

"I cooked you a porridge, you should eat," kalmado kong sabi. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin, thinking how could I easily come withering under his stares. Itinuon ka na lang ang pansin ko sa mesa kung nasaan ang inihanda kong lugaw at kinuha ko ito bago ako maupo sa gilid ng kama.

"You cooked?" he asked, amused so I nodded silently.

Hinawakan ko ang kutsara para haluhin ang lugaw. Nang balingan ko siya ay nahuli ko siyang nangingiti. Yumuko siya ng bahagya para itago sa akin iyon. Tss. Pasalamat ang lalaking ito at may sakit siya, bonus na ang pagiging guwapo niya kaya hindi ko kayang magtagal na galit sa kaniya.

My heart was seriously just so soft and weak for him.

I carefully brought a small amount of porridge on the spoon to his mouth. Tahimik niya iyong tinanggap ngunit naubo siya sa kalagitnaan ng paglunok kaya nataranta ako. Mabilis kong hinaplos ang likod niya gamit ang isang kamay ko.

"W-Water…" He coughed, his face contorted in distaste. Agad kong inabot ang baso ng tubig sa mesa at ibinigay sa kaniya. He took it and immediately drank the glass empty. "It's salty," aniya habang nakangiwing pinapahiran ang bibig gamit ang manggas ng suot niyang long sleeve white sweatshirt.

Napanganga ako habang nakatitig sa kaniya. Salty…?

Salty, maalat, Hanselle. You should really learn how to cook. Nakakahiya sa mga magulang ni Jimin kung ipapaubaya nila siya sa isang babaeng walang alam sa pagluluto. You can't even taste your own dish. My inner Goddess lectured me.

Dahan-dahan kong naibaba ang bowl na hawak ko. I pursed my lips as I sighed in embarrassment. Why didn't I let Jin taste this first? Masyado yata akong naging confident sa sarili ko. I forgot for a while how messed up I could really get at whatever I did.

"Then you can't eat this. I'll just ask Jin to prepare you a new one." I told him but when I was about to bring the bowl back to the table, he quickly caught arm. I turned to him confusedly.

"Feed me." He vulnerably ordered, with those sparkling eyes.

"Huh?" takang tanong ko habang nakatitig na ngayon sa braso kong marahan niyang hawak. Akala ko ba ayaw niya kasi maalat? Isa pa, he couldn't go back to the hospital due to food poisoning. What if hindi lang maalat ang problema rito sa luto ko?

Tss. I really should have let Jin taste this first instead of trusting my own taste.

"You made that porridge for me. I want it," sagot niya saka inginuso ang lugaw na nasa mesa.

"What? No, I don't know if it's good for you," iling ko at akmang ililigpit na ito.

Umayos siya ng upo. "You are good for me. Is that enough?" he asked as he reached for my hands. Nang makuha niya ay bahagya niyang hinaplos ang mga ito. Kumunot ang noo niya saka mabilis na bumaba sa kamay ko ang mga mata. "What is this?" he asked, concern was now mirroring his eyes. He couldn't really get worried of me now that he was in that situation.

Marahang binawi ko ang kamay ko mula sa kaniya, the gauzed one, dahil hindi na ito masyadong balot sa mas malaking gauze. Tanging maliit na gauze na lang ang nakadikit sa likod ng palad ko pero hindi naman na ito nakaka-agaw ng pansin.

"It's nothing…" Umiling ko para hindi na siya mag-alala. "Stay here, I'll prepare your food—"

"I want your porridge," putol niya sa akin sa pirming tono.

"But you—"

"Jebbal." He begged with a pout. Why was he doing this to me? Syempre hindi ko siya matatanggihan kapag ganyan na siya, pero nakakahiya naman kung ipapakain ko sa kaniya itong niluto ko.

I again took the bowl while sighing in resignation. Nanginginig pa ang kamay ko habang hinahawakan ang kutsara. Bakit ba kasi wala akong magawang tama? I couldn't even cook a simple porridge! So failure! I would always be a 'living failure' as people termed me!

"Stop smiling." Umirap ako sa kaniya nang makita ko kung paanong nawala ang mga mata niya dahil sa pagngiti.

Luckily, nagawa niyang maubos ang lugaw nang hindi na nagkomento pa sa niluto ko. Nakangiti lang siya na tipong tuwang-tuwa sa nangyayari kaya hindi ko alam kung natutuwa ba siya talaga sa niluto ko o napipilitan lang. Things inside his mind would always be a mystery for me.

Just how busy was his cerebrum for him to be smiling like that?

Nang matapos siyang kumain ay niligpit ko na ang pinagkainan niya. Sana lang hindi sumama ang tiyan niya dahil sa lugaw na niluto ko dahil hinding-hindi ko talaga mapapatawad ang sarili. Hinding-hindi na rin ako uulit sa pagluluto kung sakali.

"Misseu." Narinig kong tawag niya sa akin habang iniipon ko sa tray ang wala nang lamang bowl at baso. "Seriously, what happened to your hand?" tanong niya, ang mga mata ay hinahabol ng tingin ang kamay kong may gauze.

Natigilan ako. Ang akala ko ay hindi na niya papansinin ang kamay ko. "I had just accidentally burnt it while trying to cook," sagot ko, naisip kong hindi na niya kailangang malaman pa ang totoong nangyari.

"Mwo?! May I see?" He slowly reached my hand, the injured one. Nag-aalalang tiningnan niya ito. It was like he was looking at a very poor thing and sympathizing so badly with it. "How painful it was?" concern niyang tanong.

My heart felt warm seeing his worried face over my healing wound. Sa tono niya, pakiramdam ko isa akong batang hindi kayang i-handle ang kahit na maliit na sugat. I didn't want to pull my hand from him because I wanted the feel of his hands, gently holding my hand.

"It wasn't that painful. Bearable," mahinang sagot ko habang inaalala kung paano akong umiyak noon kay Chelsea habang ginagamot ni Nurse Chin ang sunog sa kamay ko. Naalala kong kinailangan pa akong bilhan ni Chelsea ng Dutchmill para lang mahinto ako pero hindi ko iyon sasabihin sa kaniya dahil ayaw kong mag-alala pa siya.

It was painful, alright!

"My mother always kisses my wounds to send away the pain. I will send away the pain, okay?" aniya at marahang dinala ang kamay ko sa mga labi niya.

Dumagundong ang dibdib ko sa pagkakalapat pa lang ng malalambot niyang mga labi sa parte ng likod ng palad kong may gauze. He softly kissed my wound as if he was afraid I would get hurt. I smiled. At this rate, I wouldn't mind getting bruises and wounds, kung kapalit naman ay bawat mga halik niya.

"I think it healed already," sabi ko sa kaniya sa pigil na ngiti.

"Don't get hurt again, okay? Ah, don't ever try to cook again," sabi niya habang umiiling, ang tono ay parang pinagbabawalan ang isang bata na huwag gawin ang isang bagay na makakasama para rito.

I couldn't believe my boyfriend was treating me like a kid, but it was fluttering, really.

I wished my sister was here so that she could witness how Jimin treated me so well, how he wanted me safe all the time. I wanted my sister to know that Jimin wasn't just treating me as a princess, he was treating me like I was his most prized possession.

Tumango ako kay Jimin, wala na akong lakas pa para umalma dahil gusto ko kung paano niya ako ituring. He then softly tapped the space beside him. Nilingon ko muna ang pinto, pero dahil naalala kong ni-lock ko ito ay nagpaubaya ako sa isinisigaw ng puso ko. Sumampa ako sa kama at nahiga sa tabi niya kasabay nang panunuot ng natural niyang bango sa pang-amoy ko.

He let me in inside the comforter with him. Agad na pumulupot ang mga braso niya sa akin. He pulled me near his body and let my face bury on his chest, hearing the ironically calm yet fast beating of his heart.

"I missed holding you this close," he whispered, his voice vibrating through his chest.

"I missed this too," sagot ko. Mahigpit niya akong niyakap habang nararamdaman ko ang mahina niyang pagtapik sa likod ka na para bang pinapatulog niya ako. Not long ago, he started singing.

I smiled against his chest as I snuggled closer to him. Sa akin lang, sa akin niya lang ito ginagawa. Sally could like him, Sally could dream of him and Sally could chase after him but it would only just that, because she wouldn't ever have Jimin.

Inilabas ko sa puting closet ko ang isang bagay na unang naka-agaw ng pansin ko. Naka-hanger ito at tipong matagal hindi nagamit kasama ang iba ko pang mga damit. My heart drummed wildly at the sight of the familiar black jacket. I then remembered a very vivid memory. A memory that was a part of our first meeting…

Jimin sighed as he slowly took off his black hoodie jacket. I couldn't hear anything but the zipping sound. He softly threw the hoodie to me, making him left only with his pink shirt that complemented more his white pale skin and well, his creamy pink hair.

Para na siyang ice cream… ice cream that I was afraid to taste because it might run out. Ah no, ice cream that didn't even belong to me.

"Wear… w-wear that," aniya habang isinisenyas na isuot ko ang jacket.

Nagtataka man ay sinunod ko siya. I stared at him questioningly after. "What's this for?" I asked.

"The hood…" he said, struggling to say what he wanted as he motioned me something.

Naintindihan ko ang gusto niyang sabihin kaya hinawakan ko ang hood ng jacket at itinakip sa ulo ko. He smiled… he then smiled shyly while bowing his head a bit as if hiding his smile from me, that made my heart stop beating for awhile.

Nakabawi lang ako nang muli na namang may kumalabog sa pinto ng elevator.

Nakakatawa talaga.

Sa dami ng lugar kung saan puwede mangyari ang una naming pagtatagpo, sa loob pa talaga ng elevator. Not so romantic and not so worst either. Hindi ko alam kung talagang kakampi ko ba ang tadhana o ito na yata ang pinaka-most nemesis ko. Baka nawalan na ito ng ideya kaya ganoon.

I didn't know I still had this jacket in my closet. Kasama pala ito sa mga gamit kong naiwan dito noong naglayas ako. Hindi ko na rin ito naibalik kay Jimin dahil nawala na ng tuluyan sa isip ko ang tungkol dito sa dami ba naman ng mga nangyari noon.

Nilingon ko si Jimin na mahimbing pa ring natutulog sa kama habang mahinang humihilik. He really looked so soft and vulnerable in that while velvet bed filled with lots of stuffed toys, behind him was El Handor. I just wanted to protect him. At all cost.

Nang mayroon akong muling maalala ay ibinalik ko ang tingin ko sa jacket. I inserted my hand on one of its side pockets, hoping that it was still here. Napangiti ako noong maramdaman ang isang manipis at malapad na bagay sa loob. I took it out. Tahimik akong natawa nang makita ang litrato ng BTS na kinuhanan ko noon sa loob ng kanilang mirror room.

This photo had a behind story. Bukod sa ito ang kauna-unahang litrato ng BTS na ako mismo ang kumuha, sa likod ng litratong ito ay ang unang paghaharap namin. The memory entangled in this photo was our very first meeting. They were all looking stunned in the photo. Hindi kasi nila inaasahang kukuhanan ko sila ng litraro noon.

"He looks so cute," komento ko habang hinahaplos ang parte kung nasaan si Jimin.  He had his face covered with his arm in the photo because of the sudden flash. Just how precious!

Looking at the photo made me feel like it happened so long ago, it really was. Kulay pink pa ang buhok ni Jimin sa litrato. He had changed his hair color twice since then.

At sinong mag-aakalang hahantong kami sa ganito? Maybe yes, maybe fate was my ally and my nemesis at the same time.

Ibinalik ko ang jacket sa loob ng closet at namili na ng isusuot ko dahil balak kong maligo, suot ko pa kasi ang damit na suot ko kagabi sa event. I went to the table near the bed and put the photo safe on top. Kasunod na naagaw ng mint laptop sa isang gilid ang pansin ko.

Nakakatuwang malaman na alagang-alaga sila sa mga gamit na naiwan ko rito. This laptop had been here in this table since I had left and it seemed like it hadn't moved a bit.

Naupo ako sa gilid ng kama ng sobrang ingat, takot na baka magising siya. Nilingon ko muna si Jimin para i-check kung nagising ba siya pero mahimbing pa rin siyang natutulog. I hardly pursed my lips as I slowly leaned down at him. He was just so tempting!

Isang halik lang naman. I wouldn't wake him up, I promised, so following the demand of my naughty heart, I planted a soft and quick kiss on his lips. Agad din akong lumayo para hindi siya magising at itinuon ko na ang pansin ko sa mesa para hindi na ako matuksong halikan siya ulit.

Kinuha ko ang laptop ko at nilapag sa kandungan ko. "Nakaka-miss ito ha," bulong ko sa sarili ko.

Binuksan ko ito. My forehead immediately wrinkled when I saw the desktop wallpaper of my laptop. Natatandaan kong BTS vest logo ang wallpaper nito, hindi ko rin matandaang binago ko ang wallpaper, at kung babaguhin ko man, hindi ko ilalagay ang picture namin ni Jimin bilang wallpaper sa kahit na anong gadget ko.

"Who changed… who changed this?" untag ko sa sarili ko saka unti-unting sumulyap ako kay Jimin. Siya kaya?

Picture namin ni Jimin ang nasa wallpaper. The photo we took during his birthday. We were both wearing our matching sweater. Nasa likod ko siya at nakayakap sa akin habang pareho kaming malapad na nakangiti.

Ngumuso ako. "You really love to give me heart attacks, Jimin." Nangingiting naiiling na lamang ako.

This was not the first, to be honest.

"Would you want me to bring your lunch here?" tanong ko kay Jimin na ngayon ay nagkukusot ng mga mata.

He overslept that somehow made me happy. Ala-una na at tapos nang kumain ang mga kaibigan niya. Gusto kong sabay kaming kumain kaya hindi ako sumabay sa kanila dahil hindi ko rin naman gustong gisingin siya.

"Will you eat with me?" he asked. Bumangon siya at tinitigan ako habang mabagal na kumukurap. Bahagya pang nakanguso ang mga labi niyang unti-unti nang bumabalik sa tunay nitong kulay.

Tumango ako. "You wait here. I'll get your—" I stopped when he shook his head and he shoved the comforter away from him. Bumaba siya ng kama at lumapit sa akin.

"I would love you to nurse me but I am fine now," aniya. His voice sounding better. Bumalik na rin ang natural na sigla ng mga mata niya, indication that he had gotten better.

"Are you sure?" Inangat ko ang kamay ko at sinalat ang noo niya. Hindi ko alam kung paano ikukumpara ang taong may sakit sa taong may normal na temperatura kaya useless din iyon.

"Yes. Let's eat." Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at nanguna nang lumabas. Ang mga taong nasa labas ay agad na nagtinginan sa amin. Naipon sila sa living room at umiinom ng beer, sa tangaling ito. Sanay na ako sa kanila kaya hindi ko na sila pinansin pa.

Dumiretso kami ni Jimin sa kitchen. Maingat na pina-upo ko siya sa mesa, before I prepared the foods. Hindi ako marunong magluto pero kaya ko namang gawin ang mga ganito kasimpleng bagay para sa kaniya. Kahit paano gusto ko rin namang maramdamang deserving ako para sa kaniya.

"Don't overuse you injured hand, misseu," paalala ni Jimin sa kalagitnaan ng paghahanda ko. Kakapalit ko lang ng bandaid nito kanina dahil hindi na siya ganoon kalala. Thankful nga ako dahil effective iyong cream na in-advice sa akin ni Nurse Chin para hindi ito mag-iwan ng peklat.

"It healed already, Jimin, don't worry. And I'm still not over about what happened to you." Inirapan ko siya. I handed him the chopsticks after. Naupo na rin ako sa tabi niya. "Eat a lot," sabi ko.

Nagsimula na kaming kumain.

"Anyway, why did you trick me?" I asked in the middle of the meal as I noticed the ring he gave me on one of my fingers. I watched as he stopped and slowly raised his eyes to me.

Kunot ang noo niya at nagtataka akong tinitigan. "What? When did I trick you?" aniya sa patanong na tono na nagpakunot ng noo ko. "I… I m-mean, when did I trick you?" ulit niya.

"You didn't tell me we're wearing a couple ring, Jimin." I spilled.