Chapter Sixty-three

He immediately got away from leaning on El Handor and disbelievingly stared at me as if asking if I was serious so I nodded consistently. Kung hindi siya makapaniwalang pinangalanan ko nga talaga ang life-sized teddy bear na iyon ay baka magulat siya na karamihan sa mga stuffed toys na binigay nila ay pinangalanan ko rin.

I even named some of those after them. There was Koya, that small huggable blue Koala stuffed toy that I named after Namjoon since he looked just like it. RJ, that white alpaca stuffed toy that was shaped like a cloud, it reminded me of Jin, so fluffy. Shooky, that brown cookie stuffed toy that looked sneaky and very savage just like Yoongi.

Mang, the blue horse stuffed toy that reminded me of Hoseok since the others always teased him with horses. Tata, that red heart shaped pillow that I always saw Taehyung hugging before when he would occasionally lie down on my bed. Cooky, that cute pink bunny that looked just like Jungkook. And last but not the least, my second favorite after El Handor since he was the second biggest, Chimmy, isa iyong aso pero kulay dilaw at noon pa lang, si Jimin na ang nakikita ko kay Chimmy.

Second favorite ko siya dahil siya ang sunod na malaki after El Handor but I liked them all.

"Can you kiss him for me?" I asked him in a serious face, referring to El Handor that he was leaning on earlier. "I miss him," dagdag ko pa.

He tilted his head in both confusion and amazement, still looking at me as if asking again if I was serious, and well, I was dead serious. ["Uh, you are not serious, right?"] he asked. Nilingon niya saglit si El Handor at muling bumaling sa akin gamit pa rin ang hindi makapaniwalang titig.

He was obviously thinking twice about it.

Napansin ko sina Koya at Cooky na magkatabi sa kabilang gilid ng headboard ng kama. Sila lang ang nakita ko dahil mukhang hindi na nakuhanan ng camera ang iba, sa laki ba naman ni El Handor na siyang nasa pinakagitna e. It was like he replaced me laying on that bed.

"I'm serious right now, Jimin," sagot ko saka ngumuso ako. "I'll pay the kiss so just give it to him now," sabi ko para lang mapapayag siya.

Nagtataka man ay nilingon niyang muli ang nananahimik na stuffed toy. He gave it a quick kiss before he again turned to me with a damn look. Feeling ko iniisip niyang pinaglalaruan ko lang siya.

I hardly pursed my lips to suppress a smile. I was just teasing him about the kiss but it was true that I missed El Handor. Naaalala kong madalas kong kausapin ang stuffed toy na iyon noong nasa kanila pa ako, katabi ko ring matulog ang mga ito dahil nasa headboard lang sila ng kama.

["Make sure to pay the kiss."] He lately compromised, making sure he got his part of the deal.

So cunningly cute, my Jimin. Pasalamat siya nasa screen lang siya ng laptop ko.

"I'll pay it back, don't worry," kibit-balikat kong sagot, panigurado makakalimutan din niya ito.

Just then, a sly grin reappeared on his lips. He again did that hair-flipped that he was just so good at and that freaking heart-hammering lip-licked. Crap, that illegality and disrespect! Why was he doing this to me?!

["I can't wait to see you. Should I go visit you there?"] he asked, sounding hopeful. ["Manager hyung will let me since the tour ended successfully. I have been behaving well so he should reward me,"] aniya habang kumikislap ang mga mata sa excitement.

Lumunok ako saka palihim na humugot ng buntong-hininga. I was getting intimidated even just at the mention of their manager. Mabait naman sa tingin ko ang manager nila pero hindi ko naman ito nakasama ng matagal. I just had small talks with him, I guessed twice? And the way their manager stared at me before… I didn't even want to remember.

"No. You don't have to go here," umiling-iling na sabi ko habang iwinawagay-way rin ang mga kamay ko, killing the hope that rose within him and the excitement igniting his eyes. Hindi puwede. Magkakasalisihan kami, at saka hindi ba dapat ay nasa Korea siya para sa paghahanda sa nalalapit nilang fan meeting?

["Waeyo?"] he asked sadly as he put his chin on his palm and stared confusedly at me.

"Uh, I mean, we can just wait till we see each other again." Nag-iwas ako ng tingin kasabay ng pagbilis ng tibok ng puso ko. The idea of this ordeal was so frightening and risky…

What the hell are you doing, Hanselle? Are you trying to hide something from him again?! My inner Goddess scolded me.

I mentally shook my head. Gusto ko siyang sorpresahin kaya hindi ko puwedeng sabihin sa kaniyang lilipad ako ng Korea para um-attend sa fan meeting nila. Risky, I knew, dahil minsan na kaming nagkamalabuan dahil sa paglilihim na iyan pero iba ito. This wasn't just a secret, not in a bad way, I wanted to surprise him.

["Are you sure you are okay with that?"] His voice went down town and it tore my heart, apart. Kung puwede ko lang sabihin sa kaniyang hindi okay sa akin, na gusto kong makita nga siya pero hindi naman puwede. Bukod kasi sa pupunta rin naman ako sa Korea ay kailangan niyang manatili roon para sa trabaho niya. Sure, he could go here but not when they were preparing for something big.

Dahan-dahan akong tumango at sinalubong ang malungkot niyang mga mata para ipakitang kaya pa namin. Konting tiis na lang.…

"My heart trusts our fate. You're mine so I shouldn't ask for more than that. I miss you everyday but I'm enduring," I said trying to pamper him and to bring back the gleam in his eyes earlier. Dinala ko ang kamay ko sa screen at hinawakan ito, sa parte kung nasaan ang mukha niya. "So you have to endure too, huh Jimin."

I saw him sigh deeply as he slowly nodded at me. Dinala rin niya ang kamay niya sa screen, this time, letting his hand meet my hand through the thick screen. Ironically, just as his hand mentally and technically touched my hand, my heart went beating erratically and irregularly as if recognizing the man it adored.

See, we had gone this far because we both could endure for this relationship to get going.

"For you, misseu, I will endure," aniya sa mahina at napakabanayad na tinig, it almost lulled me to close my eyes and just feel how he could affect me.

Sinulyapan ko ang orasan sa gilid ng laptop ko. Nakita kong nasa pagitan na ng mga numerong 10 at 11 ang maliit at pinakamakapal na stick hand. It was getting late… I couldn't believe that it always annoyed me every time we would have to end our call soon.

"Jimin, it's getting late. We should sleep now," saad ko. He still needed to rest, I believed. They had gone for a month, they must be really spent and used.

He then turned to somewhere. He tsk-ed upon seeing something. Sa hitsura niya, mukhang hindi niya nagustuhan kung anuman iyon. The clock, perhaps? Baka katulad ko, hindi rin siya nasisiyahan sa tuwing makikita niya ang oras ng na hudyat para tapusin na ang video call namin.

"I can't believe how fast the time ran for that short conversation," he frustratingly said, disrespecting me again with that hair-flipped he always did. Natawa ako ng mahina. Sa totoo lang, hindi rin ako makapaniwalang ganoon kabilis ang takbo ng oras kapag kausap ko siya.

If only I could manipulate time and make it run slow whenever I was talking to him, whenever I was with him then I was willing to cheat the time.

"I love you, Jimin. Good night," sabi ko saka bahagyang kumaway sa kaniya.

"Yah… yah, I will call you after this," aniyang naka-usli ang mga labi at halatang ayaw pa ngang tapusin ang tawag pero dahil mas priority ko ang pahinga niya, lalo na at mas advance ang oras sa kanila, pinilit ko ang sarili kong tapusin na ang tawag.

Nang matapos ang pag-uusap namin ay tumawag nga siya sa phone ko. He just said random things just to keep a conversation with me. Ni hindi na nga niya ako pinagsasalita. He just wanted to feel my presence, he said and that I didn't need to say anything.

I silently yawned while he was telling me something because seriously, I was already sleepy. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi pa siya inaantok. Hanggang sa umabot na sa puntong kinakantahan na niya ako. He sang me again the song 'Shy', I would admit, he sang it better in live. Crap, I could even live forever just hearing him singing any song for me. Kinantahan din niya ako ng ilan sa mga kanta nila.

And even before I could let my eyelids fall in sleep, I managed to tell these words to him, "See you soon, Jimin."

Really soon, my Jimin.

"A-Ah, manang, hindi niyo na po kailangang gawin iyan!" saway ko kay Manang Bing nang sinusubukan niyang buhatin ang single couch para ilipat sa isang bahagi ng sala. I face-palmed when she ignored me and just continued trying to lift the couch.

Nang hindi niya magawa matapos ang ilang try, napagpasyahan na lang niya itong hilahin patungo sa kung saan niya ito gustong ipuwesto. I gaped disbelievingly when the carpeted floor got crumpled while she was dragging the couch.

Wala sa plano ko ang ibahin ang interior ng bahay ko. I was okay with how my furniture and equipments were in their places where they had been since I had moved here. Hindi naman kasi mahalaga sa akin kung saan nakapuwesto ang mga ito. As long as I was comfortable, I was fine.

Luckily for her, she managed to move the single couch to her desired corner. Inayos niya ang nagusot na carpet pagkatapos.

"Hanselle hija, tulungan mo akong hilahin itong mahabang sofa," utos niya sa akin saka itinuro ang naiwang long couch. And of course, she wouldn't be done with moving just one couch. She planned on changing the whole arrangement of my living room. Iyon kaagad ang una niyang binalak gawin nang makarating siya rito sa bahay, umagang-umaga.

Mabuti na lang at linggo ngayon, dahil kung may pasok sa office ngayon ay baka maabutan ko na lang na iba na ang ayos ng bahay ko. Worst, baka maisipan ko pang maling bahay ang napasok ko.

Wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang tulungan siyang ilipat ang long couch sa puwestong gusto niya.

"Manang Bing, we can just call for helpers," suhestiyon ko nang hindi lang pala ang set ng couches ko ang balak niyang ibahin ng puwesto, maging ang television set ay balak din niyang ilipat.

Umiling siya sa akin at kunot-noong tinitigan ako na para bang hindi niya makita ang logic sa sinabi ko. Did I say something wrong?

"Nandito na ako, bakit ka pa tatawag ng iba?" she asked me.

Bumuntong-hininga ako. I guessed, my mother had a reason for sending manang Bing here for me. My mother was punishing me, she knew I couldn't say no to manang Bing, it was like sending me a part of herself here. Panigurado, ang lahat ng ito ay inutos ni Mamang.

"I'm just thinking they can help us with the—" Hindi ko na natapos ang sinasabi ko dahil inumpisahan na niyang pag-aalisin ang mga CD albums, DVDs at mga tapes ko sa dividers na pinglalagyan ng television set.

In the end, she succeeded or I might say, we had finished changing the interior of my living room. Bigla akong nanibago sa bagong ayos ng sala ko. Everywhere I looked, there was no hint of my old living room.

Nanghinayang ako saglit dahil ang daming ala-ala namin ni Jimin ang naroon sa dating ayos ng sala ng bahay ko pero inisip ko na lang, at least, hindi pinalitan ni manang Bing ang mga gamit ko, nandoon pa rin ang mga ala-ala namin.

Bagsak ako sa long couch pagkatapos. Malakas ang air-conditioning ng bahay pero pawis na pawis ako habang mukhang wala namang balak magpahinga si manang Bing.

"Manang, you should rest first," sabi ko nang makita ko na naman siyang nag-ba-vacuum na ngayon. Wala ba siyang kapaguran?

Hindi niya ako pinansin kaya nagtungo na lang ako sa kusina para gawan siya ng meryenda. Pagdating ko sa living room ay tapos na siya sa pag-ba-vacuum, at tahimik ko iyong ipinagpasalamat.

"Magmeryenda po muna kayo," sabi ko sabay lapag ng tray sa coffee table kong nabago rin ang puwesto.

Matapos kaming magmeryenda ay ang kusina naman ang pinakialaman ni manang Bing. Luckily, there wasn't a single thing she could move in the kitchen. Dahil built-in ang counters at stools, ang sink at stoves, ang mga cupboards at mga cabinets, maging ang refrigerator. They were all built-in and fixed.

"Paano ako magluluto ng tanghalian kung walang mga sangkap dito?" untag niya habang pinagbubuksan ang mga cupboards.

I hardly bit my lower lip. The last time I had cooking stocks was when my mother had visited me, she had used all the ingredients left. Hindi na ako namiling muli dahil hindi naman ako nagluluto.

Pinaglaruan ko ang mga daliri ko nang lingunin niya ako. "Ah, I can go buy them, manang. Just list down everything you need," suhestiyon ko.

Tumango siya at hinanda na ang listahan ng mga bibilhin ko kaya lumabas nga ako para mag-grocery. Bumili na rin ako ng iba pang pampuno sa refrigerator. Pagdating ko ay nagsimula na siyang magluto habang unti-unti kong natatanggap sa sarili kong parusa nga malamang ni Mamang sakin ang lahat ng ito.

She had an eye for choosing manang Bing to send here for me. Alam kasi niyang hindi ito basta-basta lang susunod sa lahat ng gusto ko. Matagal na si manang na nagsisilbi sa pamilya kaya malamang kilalang-kilala na ito ni Mamang.

"Narinig ko kay Marion na bukod sa Adobo ay paborito mo rin ang Tinola. Iyon ang niluto ko para sa tanghalian. Kumain ka ng marami," aniya habang hinahanda ang mesa sa dining table na matagal-tagal ko na ring hindi nagagamit dahil madalas ay sa countertop ako kumakain.

"Opo. Paksiw at sinigang po ang mga hindi ko gusto," sagot ko para rin alam niya kung ano ang mga hindi ko kinakain. Hindi ako mahilig sa mga maasim na pagkain, just like spicy foods and vegetables, they just didn't suit my taste buds.

Nang matapos siya sa paghahanda ay tumalikod na siya para bumalik sa kusina na sobra kong ipinagtaka. Iiwan niya akong mag-isang kakain dito? The reason why I didn't eat here at the dining table was because it felt lonely eating here alone.

"Manang Bing, hindi po ba kayo kakain?" tawag ko sa kaniya.

Hindi siya huminto. She walked towards the kitchen and disappeared. Naiwan akong mag-isa sa hapag-kainan with all the foods she prepared. Sanay akong kumain mag-isa, pero hindi ko gustong walang kasabay gayong kaming dalawa lang naman dito.

Binitawan ko ang kutsara't tinidor na hawak ko. Tumayo ako at nagtungo sa kusina para sundan siya. I gulped as I saw her minding the messy stove.

"Manang Bing, iwan niyo po muna iyan. Kumain po muna tayo." Naglakad ako palapit sa kaniya.

"Kumain ka na muna, Hanselle. Tatapusin ko lang ito," sagot niya.

"Sabayan niyo na po ako. Lalamig na po iyong mga niluto niyo," sabi ko. Nagawa ko siyang hilahin patungo sa hapag-kainan. Hindi ko na hinayaang pagsandukan niya pa ako dahil pinagsilbihan ko na ang sarili ko. "Salamat po sa pagkain," nakangiti kong wika at nagsimula nang kumain, ganoon din siya.

I had to admit that she had skills in cooking. Masarap siyang magluto. Ang dami ko tuloy naubos. My mother would be really glad if she heard about this. Really… ganito pala kapag may kasamang kasambahay. I didn't often eat homemade foods. Nakakakain lang ako sa tuwing bumibisita rito si Mamang.

Now I was seeing the good of it.

"You're practicing? I hope you're not neglecting your meals." I told Jimin on the other line after he informed me that they were now practicing. Nasabi na rin niya sa akin ang papalapit na nilang fan meeting at para doon kaya sila nag-pa-practice. They planned to show their fans something new, something that they hadn't done before.

Nasa pantry ako dahil balak kong magkape at balak ko rin siyang tawagan matapos niya akong i-text. I picked my choice of mixed instant coffee in the coffee drawer while fixing the phone near my ear.

["Actually, we are just to grab our lunch,"] he casually answered me as if that was just a normal thing to do. I could hear his faint breathes and some noises from his line.

I hardly clutched my phone as I felt irritation start creeping within me. Hindi ko talaga nagugustuhan sa tuwing nalalaman kong hindi siya kumakain sa tamang oras.

"Jimin, it's already four in the afternoon and you're just about to have your lunch? You're starving yourself again." I stiffly told him, trying not to raise my voice but it was clear that I was scolding him. Madalas itong mangyari. I was glad that he was being honest with me about his daily activities but I was hating it when he was always telling me about his late meals.

["Misseu, we were so busy practicing that we forgot about eating,"] pagdadahilan niya na halata pa rin ang mga mumunting hininga niya dahil malamang sa pagod.

Bumuntong-hininga ako saka natigilan sa pagbubukas ng instant coffee na napili ko. I suddenly felt conscious. How could I eat when he was starving himself?

"You want me to starve myself too, Jimin?" inis kong tanong ko sa kaniya bago ko siya marinig na marahas na nagpakawala ng buntong-hininga.

["Yah… yah, don't ever do that,"] he dangerously said in a low voice.

"Then don't starve yourself!" Hindi ko na napigilang magtaas ng boses. We never had biggest argument. Dahil ang madalas lang naman naming pag-awayan ay ang hindi niya pagkain sa tamang oras.

I knew his other members always found time to eat. Siya lang talaga itong matigas ang ulo at hindi kumakain sa tamang oras. Minsan ay abala na ang mga kaibigan niya sa pagkain, samantalang siya ay busy pa rin sa pag-pa-practice. Masyado siyang hardworking, naiintindihan ko iyon pero sana naman alagaan din niya ang sarili niya.

I couldn't do it because I wasn't there… aalagaan ko siya kung magkasama kami, kaya nga palagi ko siyang pina-aalalahan e.

["Okay. Okay, misseu. Don't be mad, please. I will eat on time."] Pagsuko niya sa ngayon ay malambot nang boses.

Crap, Jimin! Kabisadong-kabisado mo ang puso ko! You really know that it will only take sweet talks from you to settle my upset heart!

I frustratedly washed my face with my one palm. Saglit akong tumahimik para pakalmahin ang magulong estado ng puso ko. I was mad and flushed at the same time. How could he do this to me?! I coulnd't stay mad at him, like what the hell?

["Misseu, are you still mad at me? I promise, I will really eat on time. If you want I will send you photos of me eating, or you want me to go live just to eat?"] He was compromising with me, his voice still very soft and pampering. At this rate, baka mapa-aga ang lipad ko papuntang Korea.

Dinampot ko ang instant coffee na napunta sa kung saan saka sinimulang buksan. Kung ipagpalatuloy niya ang panggugutom sa sarili ay gugutumin ko rin talaga ang sarili ko, makikita niya. Immature na kung immature, basta ayaw kong ginugutom niya ang sarili niya!

"Jimin, your fans will like it too if you eat on time. You can just drop off your desire to have a perfect body. Your fans love you just the way you are. I love you for who you are." I sincerely told him. I wanted him to know that people didn't love his outer appearance, people just didn't love his body—because he had sexy as hell body—people loved him for who he was.

Jimin was such a lovable human being… and he needed to know that.

["And I love you too,"] was all he said.

Nanlalaki ang mga mata ko dahil mukhang hindi niya nakukuha ang gusto kong iparating. Yes, I loved him, so much but that wasn't the case! Gusto kong malaman niya na mahal ko siya kahit na ano pa siya. Mahal ko siya kahit na wala pa iyong pinakapinahahalagahan niyang abs at muscles, mahal ko siya kahit na lumitaw man ang mga fats niya sa pisngi at tiyan niya.

"Hey, I wasn't just talking about that! Can you even understand what I'm saying?" hindi makapaniwalang sabi ko. This wasn't the right time to make my cheeks blush in heat!

["Ne, ne. I get it. Are we cool now? You are not mad anymore?"] he asked, voice sounding a little hopeful.

I sighed in defeat. Makakatanggi pa ba ako kapag ganyan na siya? Alam na alam niyang hindi ko siya matitiis at saka hindi ko rin naman matatagalang galit sa kaniya.

"No 'I love you' for now. That's your punishment. I'm hanging up, I still need to finish more work," saad ko sa matigas na tinig saka nagpigil ng ngisi.

["Yah, that's unfair!"] reklamo niya.

"Bye-bye, Jiminie. See you, really really soon." I grinned as I drew my phone far from my ear and clicked the red call sign button to end the call. Pumihit na ako patungo sa heater dala ang instant coffee ko ngunit halos mapatalon ako sa gulat nang may masulyapan akong pigura sa gilid ng mga mata ko.

I immediately turned to look at that figure. I bit my lower lip as I saw James intently looking at me while standing straight, holding a mug. I then wondered, how long had he been there standing behind me?

"Uh, kanina k-ka pa?" I asked him as I tried to smile a little, I just hoped it didn't turn like an awkward smile like how I was feeling.

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin. "Sort of," simpleng sagot niya na ikinasinghap ko.

"Then you heard—" Hindi ko pa man ako natatapos magsalita ay tumango-tango na siya.

"Are you done? I'm going to use the heater too," aniya sa malamig na tono at walang emosyong mga mata na nagtatago sa likod ng mga salamin niya.

"Ah! Yes, w-wait," sabi ko at humarap na sa heater. Mukhang hindi siya nagpahalatang nasa likod ko siya dahil ayaw niya akong ma-istorbo at paano nga naman niya magagamit ang heater kung nandito ako at nakaharang? Binuksan ko ang instant coffee at ibinuhos sa mug ko. I then put my mug under the heater and let it fill with hot water. Nang mapuno na ng tubig ang baso ay kinuha ko na ito para siya naman ang makagamit ng heater.

"I'm sorry you have to wait. Sana sinabi mong nandiyan ka pala," sabi ko sa kaniya saka yumuko dahil hindi ako komportable sa paraan ng paninitig niya sa akin. Lalagpasan ko na sana siya kaso napahinto ako sa paglalakad nang magsalita siya.

"Anong klaseng lalaki siya, Hanselle? I've been wondering as to what kind of a man would be enough for your eyes," sabi niya sa ngayon ay mariing tono.

Unti-unti akong nag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya. I then met his intent eyes that were hiding behind those insulting pair of round glasses as I withered defenseless and very confused under his stern gaze. Napahigpit ang hawak ko sa hawakan ng baso.

"He must be perfect since you're an epitome of perfection. Naiisip ko pa lang na magmamahal ka ng lalaking ka-level mo, pinanghihinaan na ako ng loob," diretsong sabi niya habang umiigting ang mga bagang.

Napanganga ako dahil sa diretso niyang pagsasalita. Since when did he learn speaking without breaking a single word? And what was he saying? Was he confessing for real?

Oh, Hanselle, you're so beautiful! You have been receiving confessions. My inner Goddess raised a brow at me.

Mariin akong pumikit dahil hindi ko lubos-maisip na maririnig ko mula sa kaniya ang mga salitang iyon at nang dumilat ako ay pinilit kong tumitig pabalik sa mga mata niya. They were now too guarded and too deep to delve. Was this the same James I knew?

"I'm not perfect, James," mariin kong sagot sa kaniya dahil hindi ako makapaniwalang iyon ang iniisip niya sa akin. Perfect? Gusto kong matawa. He would really shame all of my failures and imperfections with how the way he saw it. Hindi ako perfect, I was actually very flawed.

"What did you ever do to make me this desperate? At least tell me what kind of a guy he is. I need to know my place in this competition," he said as he gritted his teeth.

Bahagya akong napa-atras dahil doon. Hindi pa nakatulong ang lalim ng mga titig niya sa akin. I was not really comfortable with angry people. They were scary. Plus, James wasn't exactly the type of person I thought I would see in this state. Palaging kalmado ang James na kilala ko, mahiyain at hindi ganito. I didn't even know what he was talking about.

"Competition?" I asked in disbelief, the word burning at the tip of my tongue.

"Yes, Hanselle. I can't just lose you without even trying. I don't even know when did this competition start," marahas niyang sabi na mukhang dismayadong-dismayado.

I stared at him disbelievingly with my mouth hanging open. Hindi ako mapaniwalang competition ang tingin niya sa nararamdaman niya. And what? I was the reward in that competition? Then damn that competition! I was not a freaking reward!

"Naririnig mo ba ang sarili mo, James? How… h-how did you turn like this? You used to be really… really rational…" I confusedly told him. Humigpit ang hawak ko sa holder ng mug ko dahil damang-dama ko ang pamamanhid ng mga kamay ko.

"Gusto ko lang na ipaglaban itong nararamdaman ko, Hanselle. It's so hard for me to give up without even putting a fight." His voice turned soft and very desperate now.

Na-iiling na tinitigan ko siya, showing him how disappointed I was. I was about to get past him but he suddenly grabbed my arm. Napangiwi ako nang maramdaman ko ang mainit na kape na dumampi sa kamay ko. Agad kong binitiwan ang baso dahil sa init at mabilis na hinawakan ang kamay kong napaso.

"Ouch!" I flinched, disregarding the wasted coffee that spilled on the ground. Inignora ko rin ang nabasag kong baso, the mug I had been using ever since I started working here. Damang-dama ko ang sakit ng pagkakapaso ng likod ng palad ko. I could even feel my eyes start watering and my throat congesting.

"Hanselle! Let me see!" Narinig ko ang nag-aalalang boses ni James. He didn't let go of my arm, instead, he pulled me and checked my hand.

Inis kong inagaw sa kaniya ang kamay. "Don't touch me!" galit kong sabi. I pursed my lips so hard to stop myself from uttering a sob. I stared up at him with my tearing eyes before I walked past him.

I was willing to give our friendship a chance anytime he wanted but he just ruined it. He had changed. He had changed a lot! He was no longer the James I used to know.

I didn't know him anymore.