Chapter One

Nagising ako mula sa mahimbing na pagkaka-idlip nang malakas na huminto ang sinasakyan kong bus dala marahil ng biglaang brake. I silently stared outside the window and noticed the heavy traffic we were trapped into. Nasa Makati pa rin ang bus at hindi pa nakakapasok sa vicinity ng Taguig, kung saan naroroon ang condominium na tinitirhan ko.

Comfortably, I stared at the black van just beside the bus I was in since I sat just near the window. Kumpara sa laki ng bus na kinalalagyan ko ay nakatunghay ako roon, I could even see the black shining top of its roof.

As a regular victim of the heavy traffic, looking at those cars was what comforted me the most. They gave me all the craziest idea that my hardworking cerebrum could come up to. Madalas ko kasing maisip kung may mga tao ba sa loob ng mga sasakyang iyon maliban sa driver. Inside those cars and behind those tinted windows, if there were people who were looking back at me, staring back through the dark window glasses, probably thinking the same way I was thinking?

I deeply sighed as I gently anchored my left elbow on the window and carefully let my palm catch my chin, still looking boringly at the tinted window just below my sight. May salamin ang bintana ng bus kaya nagawa ko pang isandal ang noo ko rito.

Traffic was a helpless and hopeless case. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi na mawawala ang traffic na ito. And hey, I was thinking generally. Philippines could have the heaviest traffic but other countries encounter the same case also.  Of course, traffic lights are somewhat causing traffics too but I was not telling that they are for a bad cause.

I thought, fifteen minutes had passed before the bus subtly moved again. Mabuti na lang at naka-upo ako dahil may mga pagkakataong hindi ako sinusuwerteng makahanap ng bakanteng upuan. Mahirap tumayo sa bus sa loob ng halos isang oras na biyahe dahil sa traffic.

It should only be a twenty-minute ride but the traffic was prolonging the ride.

Muli akong pumikit dahil sa pagod sa maghapong trabaho sa office. I softly leaned my head on the clear glass window and tried to take a nap, seeing a long ride ahead of me. Malayo pa ang istasyong bababaan ko dahil nasa labas pa iyon ng Makati.

Same routine everyday. Halos ganito palagi. Bus ride in the morning and bus ride in the late afternoon. Sa tingin ko nga ay nagiging buhay ko na ang bus ride.

Actually, I had a car. Nasa Valenzuela sa bahay ng mga magulang ko dahil nagtitipid ako. Commuting was a lot more practical than using my car. Gasolines nowadays are expensive. I could afford to load my car even with the most expensive fuel, it was just that, in order to do that I would have to use my cards from my parents, and I hardly said no to that.

I was living independently and that included depriving myself of luxuries I had grown with.

Pagdating ko ng bahay ay agad kong sinet-up ang phone ko dahil episode five na ako sa K-Drama'ng pinapanood ko. Usually, nakakatapos ako ng dalawang episode from six pm to nine pm and when the digital clock of my phone struck in between nine pm and ten pm, it was time for me to sleep.

I was not housing a bag under my eyes. It was not that I usually sleep early. Madalas kasi akong magka-insomnia kapag pumatak na ng alas-onse at hindi pa rin ako humihilik. And well, living alone led me into this kind of life setup. I had no one with me to spend the rest of the day so I watched dramas to both entertain myself and kill time. I didn't have anybody to share the table with during dinner, so I casually didn't eat dinner. I didn't have anyone to talk to during night so I had to keep up with my Korean Dramas.

They comforted me. They always gave me a pat on my back. They always made it up to my lonely nights. They made me feel less alone and lonely.

"It started," bulong ko nang makita ko ang digital clock ng phone ko. Hindi pa ako nakuntento at nilingon ko ang bedside table ko habang nakadapa sa may paanan ng kulay mint kong kama. Naroon sa mesa ang bilog na alarm clock.

7:35 PM

They weren't Filipino so I must say they wouldn't be following the Filipino time. Usually, alas-otso nag-uumpisa ang mga concerts, maaga na ang alas-siyete at natatapos ng alas-nuwebe o minsan umaabot pa ng alas-diyes.

Living alone doesn't mean you have all the freedom to do what you want. Money is still a big hindrance.  Bakit ba kasi hindi sumasapat ang sahod ko? Or maybe, I spent too lavishly? Iyon kaya? Ah hindi, pakiramdam ko kasi napakalaki ng twenty thousand para lang sa isang VIP ticket ng concert nila!

I spent lavishly only for food and personal necessities but a concert was a far more different thing. I couldn't afford to hurt my ATM card for it and I tried so hard not to touch my credit cards!

Isa pa, hoping for that Idol was just a stupid and absurd thing to do. He was in the other world, in the other side of my world. We didn't live in the same global. He was a star and I was… well, I was a human.

I sadly shrugged as I killed the little hope arising from within me. Nothing changed for impossibility. Mananatiling guni-guni ko lang siya o di kaya naman ay panaginip lang. I didn't exist in his life, and never would I. He would only be just a dream for me because he was impossible.

Sa dami ng mga fans nila, I was just a stupid percentage.

"Someday, it won't be just your concert, it would be something more…" Bago ko ipikit ang mga mata ko ay ibinulong ko iyan sa sarili ko at tuluyan nang hinayaang bisitahin ng guwapo niyang mukha ang isipan ko.

My dreams were his property. Always.

Kinabukasan, I woke up early to ready for my work. Naiisip ko pa lang na sasabak na naman ako sa traffic sakay ng crowded na bus ay nahihilo na ako. But then, I needed to survive. I needed to work for my survival. Kung hindi ako magtatabaho ay hindi ako mabubuhay.

Wow. I really sounded like some poor girl out there. Kahit hindi ako magtrabaho for a lifetime, my parents would be willing to support me, but of course, that was just very injustice. Hindi ako pinag-aral ng mga magulang ko sa isang prestigious school para lang maging palamunin sa bahay. Kaya nga ako namumuhay mag-isa ay para may mapatunayan ako sa sarili ko e.

That I could live without leaning on my parents. That I could live without needing my parents' financial help.

I had to admit that Korean Dramas couldn't feed me. Sad life. Sa katunayan nga ay mas ginugutom ako ng mga pinapanood ko. I had to imitate all their deeds. If they were drinking coffee, I felt the urge to drink coffee too. Same went with noodles. And wait, what did they call it there… ramyeon?

I once tried buying it from a convenient store and God knew how much water I had installed in my body that day. No one told me that it was freaking spicy! And I hated spicy foods!

Here came my list of hates and dislikes. That was just one of the many things I disliked in this world.

In the end, kinamuhian ko na ang kahit na anong Korean noodles. I loved Korean Dramas and well, some of their customs but I just couldn't eat ramyeon again.

Not going to their concert was kind of bearable but seeing updates from those people who had gone to the concert broke my heart. Naiinggit ako ng sobra. Nanghihinayang dahil kayang-kaya ko namang bumili ng VIP ticket at pumunta pero hindi ko ginawa dahil sa papansin kong pride.

Obviously, I was not just a K-Drama fan. I was secretly and silently loving this one Korean Idol. He was from one of the famous Korean boy group so I could only love him in silence. Kasi hindi naman ako ipokrita para pangarapin ang isang gaya niya.

He was my dream. Just… he was real but he was surreal as well.

Sumimangot ako nang makita ang isang post ng isa sa mga netizen sa Twitter na dumaan sa timeline ko.

'It was so amazing to have seen them this near!'

At may kasama pa iyong litrato. She even hashtagged it with the group's name.

#BTS

An HD photo of that Korean boy group performing on stage that seemed like taken by a fan site. Even the name of their group sounded so cool.

BTS.

'I'm looking forward on seeing them again <3'

And she was feeling happy about it.

Their hangover was my aftermath.

Isinandal ko ang ulo ko sa salamin ng bintana ng bus, madalas kong gawin ang ganito tuwing nakikita kong matagal pa ang biyahe, mas mabilis kasi akong antukin. Traffic na naman at sinuwerte na naman ako dahil naka-upo ako. Nilingon ko ang sasakyang nasa tabi ng bus na sinasakyan ko. I couldn't help but mentally laugh sarcastically.

Itim na van na naman ang nakikita ko na may itim na itim na salamin ng mga bintana pero siyempre, imposibleng ito iyong van na nakita ko kahapon kahit na parehong-pareho sila ng hitsura. At dahil sa sobrang dark ng mga bintana ng pamilyar na van ay gusto ko ng isipin na artista ang mga nasa loob.

I didn't usually idolise local artists but I still liked some of them.

Nakipagtitigan ako sa itim na salamin ng van nang hindi kumukurap. I really wondered if there were people inside. Ano kaya ang iniisip ng mga ito? Nakatitig din ba sila sa akin? Ano kayang ginagawa nila? Natutulog ba? Like, I was so curious…

Funny how I found it comforting in the middle of this hassle bus ride again. Mas mabuti nang mapagod sa kaka-isip kaysa ang mainip sa traffic.

"Director decided to send our team there. Nagustuhan kasi nila ang presentation natin. Dapat lang, pinaghandaan natin ang presentation para makuha ang project na ito."

Habang gumagawa ako ng report ay hindi ko mapigilang makinig sa pinag-uusapan ng team leader namin at ng ilang regulars. Kakatapos lang kasi ng meeting nila with the top management. The company had to handle several concerts of some local celebrities. At nakuha ata ng team namin ang isa sa mga projects na iyon.

That was because we had worked hard for it. Halos araw-araw kaming nag-overtime noong nakaraang linggo para lang sa project na iyon. And as a trainee under probationary, hoping to be a regular worker, I was giving my best to this.

"Really?! That's great! Naka-isip na ako ng program! We just need to have a contact with the staffs where the tour will be taking place!" masayang sabi ni Miss Belinda na isa mga higher-ups dito sa department namin. Mukhang halos lahat kami ay talagang inasahang makukuha namin ito. "Let me handle it! Sinong artista ba ang ia-assist natin?"

I just stayed silent like the usual since I really didn't talk often. Ipinagpatuloy ko na lang ang report na tinatapos ko. Balak kong mag-overtime. Ganoon din naman, maiipit din naman ako sa traffic kaya mas mabuti nang gamitin ko na lang iyong oras na ilalagi ko sa bus dito sa loob ng office. I was done binged watching the last KDrama in my list so I really didn't have anything to do at home other than sleeping early.

"I heard it's a love team this time." Narinig kong sagot ni Miss Rosh.

"I hope sina James Reid at Nadine Lustre!" natutuwang wika ni Miss Chelsea kaya napalingon ako sa kinaroroonan niya. Kagaya ko ay isa rin siyang trainee. Anim na trainee lang kaming nandito at may sarili kaming section mula sa mga higher-ups.

Napatingin sa kaniya sina Miss Rosh at Miss Belinda, parehong mukhang gulat sa biglaang pagsabat ng pinaka-enthusiastic at pinaka-energetic na trainee rito sa department namin plus medyo malayo ang kinaroroonan ng area ng mga ito.

I smiled secretly. I thought it was RoLexis. I heard they were going to have a world tour so I thought, it was them.

"Ooops, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt," nakangiting sabi ni Chelsea nang mapansing nakatitig sa kaniya ang dalawang higher-ups habang natatawa na lang din ang aming team leader na si Miss Alecia.

Afterwards, Miss Alecia announced that we were having a meeting right after lunch, so pagkagaling ko sa isang fast-food chain para kumain ay agad akong bumalik sa office kahit na gusto ko pa sanang tumambay sa rooftop dahil gustong-gusto ko roon dahil sa ganda ng skyscrapers ng syudad.

It hadn't been a year since I had become a trainee here and I was hoping for a regularization. Office administration ang tinapos kong course last year. Iyon ang kinuha ko dahil gusto ko ng office works, dahil noong una, naiisip ko lang na puwede ako sa kompanya ni Mamang. Isa pa, wala akong ibang maisip na saswak sa interest ko kung hindi ko naman alam ang interest ko.

I was working at one of the famous entertainment company in the country. I was once an intern here, I was looking for a company that could assign me as an office staff and NBC Entertainment accepted my internship application and assigned me at one of their Production departments.

Weeks after I graduated last year, I had received a call from this company asking me for an interview and well, a job offer, I already grabbed it for some reason. I once again assigned in the same department.

Ilang buwan na lang ay matatapos na ang training ko at magiging regular na, hopefully. Isang taon kasi ang training period dito. Actually, ang trabaho talaga namin ay outdoor, handling concerts but since trainee pa lang ako, indoor works pa lang ang mga hinahawakan ko.

I couldn't stay at my parents' house unemployed, it was embarrassing. Lalo na at buong buhay ko ay nakahiwalay ako sa kanila. So I needed to accept the offer to getaway from my parents' support and to continue living independently. And well, a loner like me hardly got friends so easily. I had few during college but they were nowhere to be seen now. Sa pinagtatrabahuan ko ay nanatili akong solo flight. Ang mga kasama ko sa internship noon ay hindi nabigyan ng offer kaya't ako lang ang natira.

It was not that I was shy… it was just that I was not so approachable. I was always getting this kind of treatment everywhere I went. Hindi rin ako mahinhin. I could be the nosiest friend you could ever have if you would let me… only if anyone would let me.

They had first to open their doors before convincing me to unlock mine. Bit introvert I was and aloof, I knew.

Napahinto ako sa pagja-jot down ng notes nang marinig kong banggitin ni Miss Alecia ang pangalan ko sa gitna ng mga sinasabi niya tungkol sa bagong project na tatrabahuin namin. Hindi ko inaasahan maididikit ko ang pangalan ko sa mga salitang isinusulat ko sa notebook ko.

"Talaga po? Kasama po ako?!" Nagniningning ang mga mata ni Chelsea.

"Yes, dalawa kayo ni Miss Hanselle ang isasama namin," sagot ni Miss Alecia at muli nang nagpatuloy sa pagbibigay ng mga information and details. While… I was left all staring at my notes. Tinititigan ko ang isang salita na nakabilog doon na hanggang ngayon ay kinamamanghaan ko pa rin.

Noon, naisip kong kung magta-travel man ako, ang bansang iyon ang pinaka-unang pupuntahan ko. Naisip ko ring hindi lang isang beses ko ito pupuntahan. Until my greed took me to the extent of wanting to live there because of someone I so liked so much. And now…

South Korea. Near it were the words, 'event's place'.

Doon magaganap ang aming bagong project. Pinaghahandaan ng team namin ang world tour ng isang love team na gaganapin sa Korea at kasama ako roon. It was a shock for me actually. Dahil unang-una… South Korea iyon.

Korea. The world where he stepped. The world where he breathed. The world where he lived. His world…

At ang tumapak sa parehong lupang tinatapakan niya ay sobra-sobra na para pasayahin ako, ang langhapin ang parehong hanging nilalanghap niya at ang masilayan ang parehong langit na nakikita niya. It was like conquering his own world that was so impossible for me to conquer.

Secondly, it would be my first out of town task if ever. Tulad nga ng sabi ko, hindi pa kami pinahihintulutang humawak ng mga outdoor works and it would be very great as a training ground.

"Si Director mismo ang nagdesisyon na magsama ng dalawang trainee at kayong dalawa ang napili ko." Miss Alecia informed us but I remained silent, still so drowned by my own thoughts.

Going to Korea wasn't really a big matter, it was a part of my job, but thinking of all the craziest things in there… K-Drama addicts would understand me and well, K-Pop fans.

"Oh my gosh! Magiging reality na ba ang mga imahinasyon ko?! Oppaaa~!" Miss Chelsea then dreamily broke the professional silence. At dahil doon ay muli na naman siyang pinagpiyestahan ng tingin nina Miss Belinda at Miss Rosh.

I wouldn't be surprised if they found her weird, though I found her funny. I could see that Chelsea was a bubbly girl. A total opposite of me.

Saglit akong natigilan nang may mapagtanto ako at bago ko pa ma-isatinig ang gusto kong sabihin…

"ARE YOU WATCHING K-DRAMAS TOO?!" sabay na tanong nina Miss Belinda at Miss Rosh kay Chelsea, voicing out what I just realized. Silang dalawa talaga ang pinakamalapit na higher-ups sa isa't isa.

"Of course po! I have many oppas! Lee Minho, Song Joongki, Jung Ilwoo…" At nagbilang na siya ng mga sikat at talaga namang nag-gaguwapuhang actors sa Korea.

"Omo! I like Lee Minho too but I like Kim Soohyun more!" ani Miss Belinda na mukhang interesadong-interesado na kay Chelsea, ganoon din si Miss Rosh.

"Duh, everyone likes Lee Minho," singit ni Miss Rosh na nagpapa-ikot ng mata.

I tightly pressed my lips together to stop them from stretching into a smile, that was embarrassing. Baka sabihin nila nakikisali ako kahit na gusto kong makisali naman talaga.

These were what really K-Drama addicts were. At bilang isang K-Drama addict din, gustong-gusto kong basagin ang napakalaking dingding na itinayo ko para lang makipagkuwentuhan sa kanila at ikuwento ang mga favorites ko.

"You know, Cinderella and the Four Knights? I just finished watching it last night," kuwento ni Miss Belinda.

And I had watched it several times. Madalas ay inulit-ulit kong panoorin ang ibang series sa tuwing hinihintay kong matapos mag-air sa Korea ang kasunod na KDrama'ng panonoorin ko. I was a binged watcher honestly. Hindi ko gustong nabibitin.

"Yes! I've watched it po! Jung Ilwoo was just so cool!"

I could literally see Chelsea's eyes sparkling.

"You must watch Healer. All sorts of drama. Romance, comedy and action. Lil melo but it's the best! Oh my, Changwook just stole my heart!" suggestion ni Miss Rosh.

Oh, and Healer! My favorite action series and my favorite male lead! I agree that it was the best! Ilang gabi rin ang ginugol ko para ng maka-get over sa series na iyon.

"Ahem." Someone cleared a throat.

Hinila ako noon para bumalik ako sa reyalidad, the stiff reality. Naalala kong nasa meeting pala kami at kanina pa nanonood si Miss Alecia sa masayang pagdadalalan ng tatlo. Hindi naman siya mukhang galit though her face was a little bit stoic.

The meeting continued. Miss Alecia gave us our tasks and then dismissed us, calling the meeting adjourned. Hindi naman masyadong mabigat ang ibinigay na trabaho sa aming dalawa ni Chelsea ni Miss Alecia. She preferred us teaming, both I and Chelsea since we were trainees.

Nang malaman ng ibang trainees na isasama kaming dalawa ni Chelsea sa bagong project, courtesy of Chelsea's informative bubbly side, they all groaned in jealousy. Siyempre, not only as a K-Drama addict, this was a big break for us, trainees at napakasuwerte namin ni Chelsea para mapasama. Usually kasi, sa mga higher-ups talaga pinapahawak ang mga ganitong projects.

Gaya ng plano ko, I rendered overtime. Might as well finish my reports so no pending papers before we boarded to Korea.