She said I remember loving you

All of the good shit and all the bad shit too

Yeah I remember hating you for all the right

things you never tried to do

And I remember needing you

-Matthew Koma, Suitcase

July 8, 2016 8:15 am

I wrapped my hands around my coffee cup trying to keep warm, but my body had other plans. It was the middle of July in a moderately cooled diner, yet I could see the goosebumps running the length of my arms.

I was fairly certain they had less to do with the weather and more to do with my current situation, though.

My eyes shot to the entrance as the bell rung again signaling someone had entered. I watched the brunette as she made her way to the cashier certain it wasn't Isabelle.

I know it's been a few years and she could have changed, but I had a gut feeling I would recognize her the moment I saw her. Just as a precaution I sat in a booth across the entrance so I could watch everyone enter like the creeper I am.

"Refill?"

I slightly jumped at the waitress' voice next to me. I looked up to meet her kind smile, "yes please."

She looked old enough to be in college which wouldn't be too far fetched since I was currently in a college town in Nevada. Isabelle went to school here and had mentioned this diner as a place to meet.

I wondered if she knew the waitress.

I wondered if she knew a lot of people around here like the old Isabelle would have. She was never afraid to meet new faces. In fact, she would jump at any opportunity to do so. I wondered if that Isabelle ever resurfaced.

"There ya' go," the waitress said as she filled the cup to the rim. "Oh, looks like your party has arrived. Can I get you anything miss?"

I scrunched my eyebrows wondering who she had turned to. Leaning over, I felt my heart lurch in my chest at the women standing next to her.

I was wrong, Isabelle hadn't changed.

"Just a water thanks," she said, the familiar tone of her voice filling the air. The waitress nodded and slipped away as I continued to stare.

Isabelle looked down at the seat across from me and scooted in. She was wearing denim shorts and a pocket black tank top to go with it. Her wavy blonde hair was let down with braids running from the front. It was something she used to do as a kid.

She moved a strand of hair behind her ear before she finally met my gaze.

She looked vibrant with her heart-shaped face and full lips, but there was a certain determination about her. Her cat-like blue eyes were unwavering and intent on studying me.

This was supposed to be the part where I spoke.

This was supposed to be the part where I apologized.

This was apparently the part where I stared like a deer in headlights.

"Hi, Reece," She was the first to speak, her lips twitching in a light smile that showed off her dimples. It was a smile I had grown used to. It had always appeared when knew she had all the control in the room.

"Isabelle," I breathed trying to gather my thoughts.

I re-enacted this moment a billion times in my head. I played a thousand scenarios in my mind. In none of those scenarios did Isabelle look as calm and collected as she did now.

That was definitely a good sign, but it had completely thrown me off. Why the hell did I think I was ready for this?

"You look good," I finally said realizing she wasn't going to carry the conversation forward.

I don't see why she would either. I had asked to meet and I was lucky enough that she had responded.

"Thanks," she chuckled lightheartedly clasping her hands together on the table. "You don't look so bad yourself," she said.

"Car accident," I answered, noticing that her eyes had darted to my crutches for a second.

"I heard," Isabelle's eyebrows shot up.

"You heard?" I questioned as the waitress dropped off her water.

Had she talked to Vye?

"It was all over the news," Isabelle said as I nodded. "Vye also happened to mention it," Isabelle continued.

"Oh," I responded by shifting in my seat.

"She always had a way of making her feelings known."

"That she did," I agreed, feeling a bit better knowing Isabelle and Vye still were friends. At least that was one less thing I didn't completely ruin.

"And you were never good with surprises," Isabelle said looking back at the crutches for a second before turning her gaze to me.

Isabelle's lips twitched into a frown as if all our memories were rushing through her mind like they were through mine. Her confident persona was fading as if being here in person was more than she had prepared for. It was definitely more than what I was ready for. 

I gulped, knowing she had already put the pieces together. Vye showed up and I got in a car accident. It wasn't hard to understand for anyone that knew about the situation.

"She brought back a lot of memories," I admitted.

"I didn't know you too shared so many memories," Isabelle commented her milky complexion supporting a shade of red. She took a sip of water trying to stay calm, but I could tell her demeanor had changed. Isabelle could always switch gears so easily if you hit a nerve.

And I'm pretty sure I accidentally hit a big one.

"You," I stated, "She brought back memories of you, and how much hurt I had caused."

Isabelle exhaled looking down at her clasped hands. She was fidgeting with her thumbs in the way she did when she had something on her mind.

"You really didn't see it huh?" She asked, with pure curiosity.

"See what?" I asked, confused.

Isabelle looked up at me, her bright eyes a million shades of blue. "To be fair, I never let myself see it either," she continued with a dry laugh running a hand through her hair, "and when I saw you with Vye, it was like a slap in the face. Everything from that year just came rushing back and I was so angry for so long."

I could feel my throat tighten, knowing what she was on about now. We were back to the night where I had realized I had hit rock bottom and accepted that there was no return.

"But we found each other a while back and I realized I couldn't stay mad forever. I mean, how could I hate her for falling for a guy I couldn't help but continue to love even when he was just a shell of someone I once knew."

I stared at Isabelle, the weight of her words hitting me.

Vye had liked me? God, for how long?

"Iz-Isabelle I had no idea, I would have never- " I broke off not knowing how to finish that sentence.

Never would have asked her to dance? Never would have kissed her? I was in a dark place back then and I don't know if the old me would've cared about Vye's feeling.

"It's okay Reece," she said, "like I said, I had forgiven her a long time ago and I had gotten over what had happened. I guess I just wanted to know if you were clueless in it or not." She was analyzing me as if waiting to catch me in a lie. To show her I was even worse than she had imagined.

Maybe that would make it simpler. She could walk out of here, believing I was the worst type of bad and that would be the end of our story. I couldn't speak for the Reece from three years ago, but this me actually cared what Isabelle thought now. I did a lot of wrongs, but I had to believe I couldn't steep that low.

"I didn't know," I shook my head, "and I truly am sorry for my part in that night and for all the hurt I caused. I was in a dark place and I just let it consume me until I no longer cared whose life I turned upside down."

I waited, watching Isabelle hoping she'd hear how much I meant it. Her shoulders rose and fell with every breath she took but her eyes were glued to her hands.

I continued to stare, seeing traces of the old Izzy. It was comforting knowing she broke out of the dark spell she was under.

"I wrote you a letter you know," Isabelle finally spoke. "Quite a few actually. A lot of them were about how I hated you. Of how I couldn't understand the person you had become. How someone so sweet as the kid I met in elementary school could just disappear behind this cold shell, just like that."

I listened to her words, the emotion in her voice slicing through me. She was trying to control it, but I could hear the hurt in her voice and the scars I left in every breath of silence.

"But the other letters, when the anger would leave me, they were about how much I missed talking to you. How much I wished I could go back to the days where we would laugh at the day on the swings next to Brooke Park. How I would give anything to be back in your room with my eyes shut and just listen to you strumming your guitar like you had no care in the world. Because the hardest part wasn't losing my boyfriend, but my best friend."

"I'm so sorry," I shook my head, my voice cracking, "I never intended to become someone you hated. I-I just didn't know how to handle everything. It was like the world was crashing and I couldn't-" I broke off shutting my eyes, feeling tears threatening to spill.

I knew I caused a lot of pain. I've hidden from that reality for so long but sitting here in front of her. In front of someone I once loved, who loved me and hearing what I did-god, I was a horrible person.

"I never hated you," Isabelle spoke after a few moments her voice so soft it made me look her way. Her bright eyes were shining with tears threatening to fall, but she had held them back.

"I just hated how much I couldn't stop caring for you," she continued, "so much that I let myself be dragged down."

"Before the accident, I could never see myself hurting you, you know," I said wiping away an escaped streak. "I always wanted to be someone you could count on."

But I had stopped being that person. I had lost my family in an instant but all that time, hers was slowly crumbling and I was nowhere to be found.

"I know, Reece," Isabelle agreed with a soft smile, "I think that's one of the things that haunted me for so long. I couldn't figure out how someone could fall so in love and then just walk away like it meant nothing."

"It wasn't nothing," the words fell out of my mouth automatically. That's not something I want her to ever think. Isabelle was never 'nothing' to me.

Being here now, I knew I didn't feel the way I once did, but I still remembered. I still remembered how she made me feel. How much I needed her by my side as a friend and then as a girlfriend.

"I knew I had hurt you every chance I got, but a part of me did care. It always did, but I knew if I listened to that part. If I let myself actually feel, all that bad that had happened-losing mom, losing Jared, all of it would come crashing down and it would've buried me. So I chose to hide, even if it meant continuing to push you away. And for that, I truly am sorry Isabelle." I said.

Her eyes were bright as she looked away and out the window. Her eyelashes caught the tears as they formed streaks down her face. I couldn't tell what she was thinking, but I hoped she understood. I hoped she was able to forgive me.

"Thanks." Isabelle finally said, "For that."

I nodded not sure if she actually meant it.

"It took me a while to let things go, you know," she said. "But I did, I had forgiven you a long time ago, Reece."

Isabelle cast a soft smile in my direction. It was gentle and genuine, letting me know that she was being completely honest.

"I guess when you reached out, I had realized I still wanted some answers," she shrugged.

"I'm really glad you let me come here and apologize," I said truthfully feeling my body relax, the emotion threatening to burst to pass, "I'm just sorry it took so long."

"Oh, Reece," Isabelle's smile reached her ocean eyes, casting a brilliant light that I used to get lost in so easily.

She reached over the table, her hand grazing my cheek. I had to refrain from shivering from her delicate touch that sent hundred of memories running through my brain. 

Izzy and I eating lunch in the fourth grade, her the center of attention, me happy to be able to call her my best friend. Fifth grade, where I got detention for sucker punching a boy who dared make my Izzy cry. Sixth, where I contemplated running off stage before my first performance before Izzy squeezed my hand giving me all the confidence in the world.

Then there was Izzy and I finding our spot at Brooke Park and spending hours just talking. Eighth grade where I finally found the nerve to ask her out to the school dance. Ninth, when I dedicated my first song to her. Tenth grade, where the words 'I love you' fell naturally off the tip of my tongue. And then there was eleventh, where I hurt Isabelle in a way no boy in the fifth grade could ever compare to.

Feeling her touch now, I knew we were not the same. Those feelings were no longer there, but there were so many memories, not all of them were perfect, but they were all worth remembering as we go on with our lives

"I'm happy you found me and I'm happy you're starting to find yourself," she said, "I do forgive you, I really do, but to be honest, I'd be just fine never having to see you again."

A/N: This was such a hard chapter to write but I'm so happy with how it turned out! Let me know your opinions, I'd love to know what you think!!

Now a shout out to all those lovely people that messaged me to see how I was. You all are amazing and I am crazy busy but I had gained the motivation to create another chapter :)

For everyone that's still with this story, thank you!! I hope you enjoyed the update!

As always please,

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