I know it's been a while but I can see you clear as day

Right now, I wish I could hear you say

I drink too much, and I smoke too much

-The Script, If You Could See Me Now

June 2, 2016

"This is really good, I like it."

I grinned, feeling the beat as my voice rang out through the speakers in the studio.

Rick laughed obviously excited as he rolled his chair to the mini fridge. "I'm telling you, it's different, but it works."

I bit the inside of my cheek trying to hide my own excitement, but I couldn't. I eyed him as he took a water and rolled back. I leaned forward in my seat believing him, "It's gonna' work."

He grinned wider, confident, "It's gonna' work."

I chuckled as he put out his hand out and I gave him a high-five. I had about nine solid tracks done and there were a few more work in progress.

Rick was right, this time my music was different. The beat was livelier. While the  emotions was raw and deep on some tracks, others were a bit more loose, free. I liked it. I just hoped everyone else felt the same way.

"I'll be back," Rick stated getting out of his chair, "You can hang around if you want."

I nodded turning back toward the mixer and switched over to a song that wasn't quite finished. I was pretty sure I've written over a hundred different versions this whole year.

Sometimes the lyrics were right and sometimes I couldn't put the words together the right way. It was frustrating at points but the feeling at the end of something completed was always worth it.

"That's pretty good."

I whipped around, surprised by the sound.

Letting out a slightly shaky breath, I chuckled, "Thanks. Work in progress."

McKenna smirked sitting down on the couch her bag in her lap, "Isn't everything."

I nodded in agreement as I tried to figure her out. 

I was sure what had happened wasn't just in my head. If we weren't interrupted, we would've kissed and it wouldn't have been for the cameras. She must've realized that too.

As the song cut off, McKenna blinked out of thought, "So when's the next album?"

"Uhh," I gave a slight laugh turning around to switch the system off, "I don't really know."

"C'mon," I could feel McKenna rolling her eyes, "You're almost always on tour. Isn't this around the time you put out an album, announce a tour and bam! You're traveling the world."

I stared down at the board knowing just about everything she said was accurate. I just wasn't sure I wanted to follow that same pattern again.

"I'm almost done with the album," I told her turning back around, "Not sure about a tour yet."

She widened her eyes, the surprise evident, "Why?"

I shrugged, "I think I just need a break."

That wasn't all of it.

She nodded as if she understood.

I was okay now. I felt in control most days and the feeling was something I could get used to. Going back on tour-I'm just scared I'll lose myself again.

There's a lot of nights and noise. A lot of time for being alone and no one around to stop me from trying to fill the empty void.

I don't think I could handle that.

"So what're you going to do?"

I shrugged not really having a plan. Having plans always seem to screw things up. You're looking forward to something and when you can't carry it out, it just brings you down.

I think it was better if I just went with whatever came my way.

"I'm performing at Mercury's concert tomorrow," I offered as an answer, "It's in Michigan so I'll probably stick around there for a few days."

"Oh," McKenna widened her eyes. "That's cool," she said but her words didn't seem to match her expression. If I didn't know any better, I would say she seemed disappointed.

I smirked, catching on, "Is someone sad I won't be around?"

"No," she said defensively as she rolled her eyes, "You're giving yourself too much credit."

"Uh-huh," I eyed her, amused.

"Besides, it'll give me time to hang out with Maia. They're going on tour next month," McKenna continued on.

I nodded, but couldn't help a smile from taking over. No one had stopped her from hanging out with Maia before. 

Maybe I should bring up what happened.

Maybe she did feel the same.

"I-I've been to Michigan once just to hang out," I told her completely chickening out.

Maybe I was reading too much into this. She had a boyfriend after all. I'm far more delusional then I realized.

"Doing what?"

"My school's soccer team was planning this ditch day. I honestly thought they were idiots, but then again I was only 15 and never missed a single day of school," I felt myself smiling at the memory, "When the day came Jared got some of his buddies to practically kidnap me into going with them."

"You had to be kidnapped into ditching school?" McKenna laughed.

I chuckled knowing how that sounded but it was true. I was the follow the rules type. "I kid you not. They heard me bitch about it for the entire drive."

Jared was ready to kill me.

"No, but when we got there we spent like the whole day at the lake. It was one of the best days I had," I admitted remembering back to it. They were all older than me, but Jared let me hang out with his friends so much that they always found a way to make me feel like one of them.

"Then we got home and were grounded. Turns out Jared had missed some huge important exam."

A familiar wave of desolation washed over me reminding me they were no longer here, making my heart ache. I knew I would never be free of this feeling and I didn't quite want to be.

It was a reminder of them and frankly, I'd take a punch to the face every single time if it was accompanied with a memory.

"Ha," McKenna laughed, amused, "I bet it was still worth it."

I smiled softly, agreeing. It definitely was. Especially since mom could never stay mad at us. She let us off the hook after a few days.

"I should probably get going. Stage rehearsal," McKenna sighed exhaustedly, getting up.

I chuckled leaning back in my seat. She was getting ready to go on tour, too. Her EP was doing crazy great and they had announced her tour for September.

"Oh! I almost forgot," McKenna exclaimed turning back around.

"What?" I raised an eyebrow as she fished through her bag.

"Here," she said tossing an object over to me.

I furrowed my eyebrows as I caught it; it was a book. Turning it over, I read the cover aloud, "Infinity."

"Yeah, It's a book."

"I never would've known," I drawled.

"Ha-ha," McKenna mocked leaning on the door frame, "My brother gave it to me a while back. Said it was good or something. In my opinion he reads too much and has high hopes 'cause I never even opened the cover."

"Nice," I chuckled skimming over the flap.

"Right. Anyways, since I knew I wasn't gonna' read it. I thought it should belong to someone who would read it."

I looked up at McKenna, surprised. I didn't think she'd remember the whole book store thing let alone bring me one back.

"What? You don't like it?" McKenna asked concerned, "'Cause I've heard you shouldn't judge a book by its cover and I do that a lot, but it still sounds like really good advice."

"No," I shook my head grabbing a hold of the book with both hands, "It's awesome, thanks."

She gave me a wide grin, "Great! I'll see you in a few days, I guess."

"Yeah," I called after her knowing there was no possible way I was going to get over her.

A/N: Short. Sweet. You're in for a treat with the next chapter. All that I will say ;)

Vote. Comment.

I love hearing what you all have to say! Literally makes my day!!