If it hurts and you can't take no more

Lay it all on me

-Rudimental, Lay It All On Me

May 25, 2016 1:31 p.m.

"You have got to be kidding me."

"C'mon, we're already halfway there."

"Halfway?" I asked incredulously.

McKenna rolled her eyes ahead of me. "The second half is easier."  She began walking again following some trail I couldn't see.

Exhaling, I followed, my shirt sticking to my body from the heat. My hair, sticking to the nape of my neck, made it even hotter than it actually was. I checked my phone. It's already been two hours.

We've been hiking this gigantic mountain for two damn hours.

Other than the barely visible trail we were following, the surrounding landmarks looked identical. Everywhere you looked, there were gigantic trees and a pebbled ground that lead nowhere but up.

"We're lost."

"We're not lost," McKenna laughed as I struggled to catch up with her. Her hair was up in a bun and she was dressed for a hike from her tank down to her nike shoes.

"I haven't seen another person in forever," I argued trying to control my ragged breathing. I had no idea how she was so composed.

"We're taking a different route," McKenna explained holding onto her backpack straps as she climbed over a rocky ledge to get to higher ground. "And we would've been more than halfway done if you weren't so slow."

I followed wishing it would just start raining. "Bite me." We couldn't possibly do this if it was raining.

I trudged after her trying to remember why I was here anyway.

"I'm joking," McKenna said, "Partly."

For the better part of the last two days I've been home in bed having decided to give The Walking Dead a shot.

I was at the season 2 finale when McKenna graciously closed my laptop and demanded that we go hiking.

I left my boy Daryl for a day in hell.

"How many times have you done this?" I asked trying to pass the time.

I thought it would be weird seeing McKenna after everything that happened, but she didn't really leave me any room to feel awkward.

She acted as if nothing out of the ordinary happened. I didn't really know how to take that but it was easier for me to move past it.

Or at least easier for me to avoid it.

"This one I've done a few times with a tour guide. She showed me this route, but I've been hiking regularly for three years," McKenna explained pushing aside a tree branch.

"What's so good about this one?" I asked impressed.

"It's only about 8 miles and it's got a crazy view," she told me her voice rising in excitement.

I faltered tripping over a rock emerging out of the ground. "We're doing all this for a view?" I asked baffled.

McKenna turned toward me, smirking, "It's a good view."

I watched as she continued up. What the hell was this? "It's a good view," I mimicked as I followed her.

I really wish I knew how to say no to her.

"You really should get in touch with nature more often. It'll do you some good," McKenna advised.

"Nature and I do not get along," I answered drinking some water.

My calves would attest to that.

"I'm sorry to hear about that tragedy," she said chuckling.

"It just wasn't meant to be. We parted ways on a good note."

"That means theres always hope for a reunion!"

"McKenna, I am from a small town in Indiana where anything remotely exciting takes place outdoors. If we were to 'get in touch' it would've happened by now." To be fair, I never gave the outdoors a chance.

I was more consumed with my video games and music leaving anything outdoorsy to Jared.

McKenna turned to look at me, scrunching her eyebrows in amusement. I couldn't help but quirk a smile at how cute she looked.

"Boring towns give nature a bad name," she said as I managed to keep in sync with her. "You have the world at your fingertips now. You can go anywhere. Do anything. How does that not excite you?"

"I guess I never thought of that," I told her taking in what that really meant. Her enthusiasm for adventure was evident.

I didn't really think about that side of this world, though. It's just been about making music and being on stage for me for a long time. Everything else were just complications I had to endure.

"There's got to be someplace you want to go?"

The silence fell in as I thought it over having never given it much thought before. We continued up the mountain when it struck me.

"It would be cool to go to Rio," I said aloud.

"Why there?"

I shrugged trying to find the words to explain it right. "It's known for its uh-music lifestyle I guess. Beck performed there a while back and he was telling me how they got live venues all over the city which is something I guess," I said remembering the jealousy I felt that he got to perform there. It didn't go unnoticed by Beck who relished it being the little bitch he was.

"That sounds cool!" McKenna said sounded genuinely interested, "I've never actually heard anything about it. Just that the olympics are taking place there."

"Yeah like being around that kind of atmosphere is something else. It's like the music brings you to life with it. Have you ever been to Beale Street?" I asked my voice lifting.

"No, what's that?"

"You gotta' go. It's in Memphis. Anywhere you walk, I swear you'll hear a variety of music genres in the streets. They got some cool clubs there too-not that I've been to many," I added the last part realizing that that comment could be taken the wrong way.

"Right," McKenna stretched, eyeing me.

I may have a few hazy memories from the times I visited.

"Why are we going so slow. Jesus McKenna we want to get to the top today," I proclaimed taking the lead wanting to leave that conversation behind.

"You don't even know where you're going!"

"It's up," I called back, "How hard can it be."

2:50 p.m.

"Oh, hell no," I stared wide eyed at the boulders ahead of me.

"Staring won't make you magically teleport," McKenna said shouldering past me.

"You said the end was the easiest part," I accused looking at the hill of rocks we were supposed to climb.

A little far off there was a group of about ten that were starting there way up as well. The rocks looked pretty slippery.

McKenna turned away from the rocks and looked at me with a guilty smile, "Yeah, I lied."

I stared at her fairly certain my jaw was dropped. My legs were already dead and now nature was throwing a pile of boulders in my direction?

What sweet hell have I arrived in.

Coming to a decision, I turned around.

"Where are you going!?"

"I'll see you back at the car," I said deciding it was time to give up.

"Reece, come back!"

"I'm good," I said, "It was a good effort but I don-WHAT THE HELL!"

I grabbed onto McKenna's arms as she jumped on my back.

"What the-get off me!" I yelled prying her arm lock while trying to stay standing on the slippery trail.  "We're going to fall," I grunted.

"We did not hike four hours to just give up! Now you turn around and start climbing or I'll take us both down."

Jesus, this girl was on drugs.

"Let me go!"

"No!"

I struggled to free myself, but she had some death lock going on around my neck. There was no way for me to free myself without falling and hurting one or the both of us.

"You done yet?" McKenna asked as I dropped my arms back to my side.

I looked up at McKenna as I tried to regain my strength. "You're an asshole," I informed her.

She gave a sarcastic smile, "And you're this mountain's bitch."

I glowered at her before noticing the small group that was making its way down. They were stopped at the edge of the rocks looking in our direction.

"Fine, I'll do it," I grumbled not wanting to draw unwanted attention.

"Promise?"

"Yeah, Yeah," I agreed.

"That's the spirit!" McKenna exclaimed jumping off and catching her balance on the pebbles.

I scoffed taking a drink of water as I eyed the rocks.

"You can do this," McKenna encouraged, "And you can't tell me you're not the least bit curious about what you'll see once you're up there."

"I'm pretty sure I could google it," I said.

McKenna rolled her eyes, letting out a laugh. "It's not the same thing."

I followed her back to the start of the last part of this hike. Truth was a part of me was curious now. I made it this far and some stupid part did want to continue on.

I exhaled looking over at McKenna, "Let's do this."

3:16 p.m.

"I told you, you got this," McKenna cheered, but had her back turned to me.

I climbed over the edge and back onto solid ground, gratefully. No one told me there was climbing involved.

I swear I had like a thousand scrapes. Plus, I was beyond tired. This time I knew it was because of the climb and not my own mentality. Lexi had taken me off the sleeping prescription believing I would be better off without them.

"I don't see a view," I accused wiping off my clothes.

Sleep hasn't been evading me too much the last couple of days. The new anxiety pills I was prescribed made me drowsy, which helped. It was taking a whole lot of effort not to take more than I needed. 

"C'mon," she shook her head moving forward.

I followed, my eyes widening as we got closer to the other side. We left the large platform of rocks and went toward a narrower path that went further out.

"Woah," my voice echoed as I looked over the surprisingly green mountains. The sky was a bit cloudy making the view that much more breathtaking.

"Crazy isn't it," McKenna said hopping off the rock and onto the lower platform. She placed her backpack against the small wall it formed and sat down.

"It's pretty cool," I admitted closing my eyes and feeling the cool air breeze past me.

"We got lucky with the weather. It usually rains this time around."

"Lucky us," I said honestly as I sat down a little off to the side of her. Being up here now, it was pretty great knowing I made it.

The view was a pretty sweet reward.

Jared would've loved doing this. He'd probably be the only other person that would be able to convince me to make this trip with him.

"So is this it?" I asked grateful for the break, "Don't get me wrong, but like do we just sit?"

I heard McKenna laugh, but was looking ahead, mesmerized by that fact that I was actually up on top of the mountain. "Most people, yeah. They're more into the climb and go back when they're done checking out the view."

"Most people?"

"I've seen people stick around for hours, hanging out. Taking pictures. I spend a lot of time drawing at places like this."

I looked over at her questioningly, "Drawing what?"

She shrugged bring her knees toward her and wrapping her arms around, "Just drawing. Clear my head. Sometimes the view otherwise whatever in my head, hoping it helps me come up with something I can sing."

I nodded getting it.

It was like a temporary bliss in a way.

"Writing helps clear my head," The words came out before I had a chance to rethink it. She had obviously seen the papers full of lines on my wall the other day. I didn't know what she thought about them, though. They weren't really your typical sunny poems.

"Yeah," she asked in a way that sounded like she wanted me to go on. Or it was all in my head.

"It's not something I necessarily enjoy, but its a way to get away, you know?" I started talking before my brain had a chance to catch up. "It's not like being on stage. That's a whole new type of feeling. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world," I said missing the exhilaration of it all.

"I think I get what you mean," McKenna said. I looked over at her half sure she was mocking me, but she was still looking out at the view.

Catching me staring, she looked over, offering me a small smile.

"I wanted to talk about what happened the other day."

"I-uh I rather not," I looked away from her knowing she wasn't going to let it slide now that it was in the open.

I fooled myself into believing that she was going to just let it be. 

"No we do because I think you have the wrong impression," McKenna continued her voice steady. I could feel her eyes on me, but I couldn't look in her direction.

So much for wishful thinking. This was bound to happen at some point.

"With the writing and then th-the- panic attack-"

"I'm sorry you had to be there for that. It wasn't-" I broke off not knowing how to finish that. It wasn't planned? Of course it wasn't planned.

What was planned was her telling me she was done with it all. It was bound to happen sooner or later. She just needed to get it over with.

"Reece, you're constantly hiding and pushing yourself away as if you have something to be ashamed of, but you don't."

I swallowed, wishing this would just be over.

"You don't have to hide yourself away from me. I'm not going anywhere. I'm your friend; don't doubt that I won't be here for you if you need me to be."

Surprised, I looked over at her not expecting her to say that. I knew I should say something, but I was still caught up on what she said. She held my gaze, her eyes intimate and promising making me want to believe her.

"A while ago you told me you were no good. And a couple of months ago I would've agreed with you-but I was wrong. You may be a little haunted and it's okay you don't have to explain anything to me. You have your reasons. But don't fool yourself, I see a lot of good."

I swallowed not realizing how much of an effect her words could have on me.

I nodded. "Thanks," my voice came out as a whisper. I didn't know what else there was to say.

It was crazy to believe that that's what she thought. I wasn't some pathetic loser who was too lost to even try to reach the surface again.

It sounded just as crazy coming from her than my own head.

But for some reason, coming from her it made a difference. I didn't know what, but I was glad she didn't blow me off.

I snapped back into reality as I felt something thrown across my lap.

"What's this?" I asked looking down at what looked like a journal.

I looked over at McKenna who was putting in her earphones, a sketchbook next to her. "Maybe you can clear your head now."

McKenna was holding out a pencil in my direction.

I looked back down at the blank book.

A slow smile spread across my lips as I accepted the pencil from her outstretched hand.

A/N: Excuse any grammar mistakes. What did you guys think??

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